During the treatment and recovery process for an aging parent, it is essential to support their emotional well-being, emotional well-being, finances, and safety. Family caregivers can help seniors feel supported, think positively, and enjoy the comforts of home during a stay in a rehab facility or through rehab services provided in a senior’s home or assisted living community.
To help your loved one understand the importance of rehabilitation, consider calling or visiting them in the rehab facility, attending family support group meetings, participating in alcohol counseling sessions, and creating an alcohol-free environment when they return home. Research shows that patients develop over time, and it is crucial to help them realize the importance of rehab for their full recovery and long-term health.
When dealing with an aging parent who refuses physical therapy in a rehab center, it is important to find care options that are suitable for their needs. This may include bringing essentials, taking care of their emotional well-being, managing finances, planning at-home care, and ensuring the home is safe.
Family encouragement can help keep your aging parent motivated and positive, and setting goals together can help maintain motivation. Physical therapy can help maintain, restore, or increase strength, increase range of motion, improve coordination, and reduce pain. A respite stay at an assisted living facility may be a good option for a loved one who still requires support after an inpatient rehab or if they still require some support after an inpatient rehab.
In summary, family caregivers play a crucial role in supporting their elderly parent during their rehab stay, ensuring their emotional well-being, financial stability, and overall well-being. By understanding their emotional position, seeking support from family, friends, or support groups, and planning for necessary care services, families can help their loved ones navigate the challenges of rehab and return to their homes.
📹 Mom’s Boundaries Saved My Life
Vechi Mutum, National Outreach Coordinator for Tree House Recovery, describes how addiction took his life down to a very dark …
How to deal with taking care of elderly parents?
To cope with caring for elderly parents, it is essential to understand and accept your limits, recognize signs of caregiver burnout, and ensure you are taking care of yourself. The complex circle of life often involves both parents and caregivers, which can be exhausting. It is crucial to understand that there are limits to what we can do for our loved ones without losing ourselves. By doing so, you can provide the best care for your parents and avoid burnout. It is essential to remember that most of us will be caregivers at some point in our lives.
What to do about a toxic elderly mother?
Sharing the experience of caring for an abusive elderly parent can be challenging, especially during the COVID-19 pandemic. It’s essential to accept that your parents won’t change their identity, find community resources, and use positive language with them. It’s also crucial to check in with yourself and understand your limitations on what you can handle. By following these steps, you can create a safer caregiving experience for your elderly parent.
How do I stop losing patience with my elderly mother?
When dealing with elderly parents, it is essential to be persistent and avoid power struggles. Avoid overwhelming your loved one with too much information in a single conversation, as this can trigger their fear of losing control. If your loved one has dementia or a cognitive impairment, they may struggle to absorb too much information at once. Instead, empower your loved one by making them a part of every decision-making process and validating their emotions.
Be sensitive to criticism and judgment, as it can put your parents on the defensive. Instead, use “I” statements, such as “I’m concerned because you look like you’re losing weight and I’m worried that you’re not eating enough”. By following these tips, you can create productive conversations and build a strong relationship with your elderly parents.
How do you know when an elderly person is giving up on life?
Symptoms of a sense of resignation include low mood, lack of motivation, and withdrawal, with the person reminiscing about their childhood experiences. Loss of appetite, weakness, and fatigue are noticeable, and they may sleep more than awake. Their sense of hearing remains unchanged, but vision may be impaired. Other signs include a drop in blood pressure, heart rate, body temperature, labored breathing, difficulty swallowing, refusal of food, no more bowel movements, and hallucinations.
How to tell an elderly parent they need help?
To convince an elderly parent they need help, it is essential to remain positive and empathetic, allow them control and autonomy, provide options, collaborate with others, choose battles, start small, reframe conversations around you and other loved ones, and accept your own limits. Aging can be a scary experience, leading to physical and emotional changes for your loved ones. Talks about moving out of their home or adjusting certain habits may not always be welcome, as your parents may feel scared and confused about their independence.
Additionally, aging also leads to a major role reversal for your parents, as they will always see you as their child. This change of identity can make your parents feel less essential or wanted, especially when they are told they aren’t capable of doing something for themselves. To support your elderly parents in these times, stay positive, empathetic, and provide options that help them navigate their new role as adults.
How do you cheer up an elderly parent?
The promotion of independence in aging parents can be achieved through a variety of activities, including listening to music, dancing, engaging in altruistic behavior, playing games and puzzles, and inquiring about their life experiences.
What is burnout from taking care of elderly parents?
Caregiver burnout is a state of exhaustion experienced by individuals who dedicate time and energy to managing the health and safety of others. Symptoms include emotional and physical exhaustion, withdrawal from loved ones, loss of interest in activities, feeling hopeless, changes in appetite and weight, changes in sleep patterns, difficulty concentrating, increased illness frequency, and irritability or anger towards others. These symptoms are similar to stress and depression and can be managed by calling or texting 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (U. S.), available 24/7 to help those experiencing burnout.
How do you accommodate elderly parents?
Living with an elderly parent is a significant responsibility that can strain the entire household. To cope, it is essential to give time for everyone, including yourself, and set boundaries. Accept that some things don’t change, and don’t be afraid to ask for help. Coping tips from caregivers include knowing when to ask for help, ensuring benefits outweigh difficulties, and starting the senior care conversation when necessary.
Lynette and Marty Whiteman experienced losing sleep after their aging mother Mildred moved into their New Jersey home from her retirement community. Mildred often woke the couple at odd hours, asking for help, which Marty didn’t see as urgent. To help, it is crucial to understand when and how to start the senior care conversation and to prioritize the needs of both the parent and adult child.
What are signs of caregiver stress?
Caregivers often experience stress, including feelings of burden, fatigue, sleep deprivation, weight gain, anger, loss of interest in activities, sadness, and frequent headaches. As the population ages, more people are doing caregiving, with about 1 in 3 adults in the US being informal or family caregivers. Caregivers report higher levels of stress than non-caregivers, and it’s crucial for them to recognize that they also need help and support.
How to help an elderly parent with extreme anxiety?
Regular exercise, relaxation techniques, and social support can help seniors manage anxiety. Exercise can improve mood and reduce anxiety, while deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and meditation can help manage it. Social support can alleviate feelings of isolation and anxiety. It’s crucial to recognize the unique factors contributing to anxiety in seniors and their symptoms. Encouraging open communication and implementing strategies can make a significant difference in their lives.
If anxiety persists, seek professional help from healthcare providers. Senior Care Advisors can recommend home care or assisted living providers for additional companionship. These steps can support seniors as they navigate the challenges of aging, ultimately improving their quality of life.
How do you stay sane while caring for an elderly parent?
The text underscores the significance of comprehending the function of the role switch, being equipped with strategies to manage emotional responses, anticipating potential familial discord, and having the courage to seek assistance when necessary.
📹 How Parents Can Support a Child Battling Addiction
Being a parent to a child dealing with addiction or a substance disorder can be fraught with uncertainty over how to act, what to …
Being a mom of an addict, I wanna say that it feels like I’m dying daily knowing my child is struggling so badly. I feel as if I will die if he does. It’s my prayer every single day and night that my son remains sober. I want to see him succeed in life and I want him to know that he has it within himself to do that. He is almost 3 months sober now. Every single day counts. Thanks for sharing ❤️
I have been hurting for my son now for almost 5 years now. I didn’t say no in the beginning because I was trying to help, because this was all new to me. It’s by the grace of God that he is still alive, but even after saying no and limited contact, I am still waiting. I’m so tired of hurting and being afraid. Please pray for my son.
The pain of perusal a child struggle with addiction is indescribable. As mothers we have such a deep connection to our child, and it’s natural to want to help them. It takes a lot of courage and strength to put up strong boundaries, the only thing that has helped me is God. Surrendering to His plan. Trusting that it will all be ok, sending love to ALL addicts and the families as well.
Sending ALL parents and their children who need it; love, light and positive healing energy ✨️💜✨️ I cried through this entire article. The day before I had to kick my son out. We couldn’t take it anymore. Like this gentleman and his mother, my son and I were close but meth has changed him into someone I don’t know. He called me every horrible name and told me several times to “F*CK OFF!” & “F*CK YOU B*TCH!” I have broken down in tears because I don’t want him to get sick or die. He’s my baby 😢 I know I have to be strong and just hope he realizes what he needs to do. May ALL of you find strength, peace and love to help you through your life journey 🙏💜✨️💜🙏
Thank you so much. My son needed gas today and I told him no because he is so disrespectful…he just threatened me with my grandson….he’s on drugs and living in a hotel room for now….I thank God for the strength to say no…..I’m not going to help him….I thank God for this article today…God is going to turn his life around and he will be saved!
Addiction is a family disease. Can you imagine saying no to your child for something so simple? She was tired, broken, helpless, sad, empty, isolated and so much more of the same feelings her son felt. A loved ones recovery is just as important as recovery for the addict. Thank you for creating content for families; it’s so important!
I am crying perusal this. My 31 year old son almost died in a car crash and he still has not found his bottom. I die daily knowing he will eventually fail and I am helpless. He tells me how much he hates me and many other hurtful things. I helped him many times over and over but it has never been enough. He blames me for everything.
I have lost a son to suicide he was an alcoholic with serious mental health issues. I have a second son who is a crack addict and living on the streets I don’t know if I can handle another death. I did say no to my son who commited suicide to coming to live with me . I don’t know what the answer is but I turned to God, I live in fear with constant guilt . I am lucky to have good friends but this cross is a heavy one . 🙏
Dad of 21 year old daughter that’s an addict. I am crying as I watch this… I kicked her out a week ago and have no idea how she’s doing. I am so scared that I feel like I’m having a heart attack. The big issue I’m faced with is her mom and step-dad are addicts. They’re the ones that introduced drugs into her life at 17. When I kicked her out she went directly to mom’s house. I feel like I threw her to the wolves. I don’t know what to do other than pray. God bless.
My Sister was sober for two years and then relapsed – heroin. She doesn’t speak to us because we refuse to ‘make it comfortable’ and because we tried to explain to her boyfriend that he was enabling her. I have no idea where she is. It’s the most gut wrenching, heartbreaking, helpless feeling when you love someone but you have to reject them and you just stand by while they slowly kill themselves.
Thank you for this article I’m at at my wits end…. Daughter with Anorexia/binge purge….now “medical” marijuana addiction …. Stoned all day, won’t participate in family dinner, vacations, isolates from all friends, and basically treats us like crap. Only kind when she wants something. I’m seeking help for myself now, as I’ve become suicidal and severely anxious/depressed perusal her spiral the last three months. Found your article in the middle of the night, desperate for hope so I can get some sleep. Thank you for the testimony, the resources. I’ll be reaching out. God bless
Wow, I am going through this right now with my addict 21 year son. He finished another 6 month inpatient rehab friday, and was home maybe 20 hours and took off, as far as i know hes in the streets in cincinnati, and my heart is breaking, ive never told him he cant come home, but i did…and im shattered
Setting boundaries when your child is struggling to stay alive is the most gut wrenching decision. This makes me realize I should have set those boundaries sooner. I made him comfortable. Damn it. I wish I had seen & heard this sooner. My thanks to you & your mom!! Congratulations on your sobriety and LIVING an incredible life!
Thank you do much for sharing. I have a 33 year old son & he’s very sick right now. He has server mental health issues too. Even though he has these issues, my son has the biggest heart, he is kind caring. Through this addiction that has been replaced with rage, inpatients, pain driven selfishness. This is not who my son is. For four years I’ve taken him to addiction centre & got him on methadone so many times. He has no money, he has a flat but he has no electricity, gas or necessities. My son is very handsome, he always looked amazing. He is 6’2 and could have been anything he wanted to be. To see my boy like this is tearing me apart. I have a balcony on my living area, when he comes round asking for money, he walks away & I watch him from my balcony, seeing him in this state walking away, perusal him kills me. I can’t say no even though I know what he is doing. I see him in with drawals and the pain he is in, he begs me and is relentless. To see your son in that pain has drained the life from me. He’s dad has done nothing, not even emotionally tried to support him. Everyone has turned there back on him. This is something people need to be very careful with. Financial support is a no no, I agree, although I am struggling to say no. But when I hear people taking away the emotional support that is something I could never do. Even though he calls me some awful names etc. I know that’s the addict speaking and he does not mean it. I know the turmoil that will cause him further. Take away financial support, that’s right but not emotional support.
Everything that you have said about your life is like I am leaving my life . My 32 year’s old, first born who I adore, is going through major opioid addiction. I’m loosing my mind don’t no what to anymore. You article came across right on time it was like God put it for me to see it. I was searching for Joel Ostein to hear his preaching and your article pop up above his. Thank so much for sharing I have heard the same advise from multiple people but it so hard to thought kid to the street. After hearing your story God has show me the way I pray he will save my son like he save you. God bless you!!
Happy to hear your story and your success. My real close friend is going through something w her son, she’s enabling. Buying him opiates and letting him medicate in his bedroom and reviving him w narcan every so often, bringing him back. He needs help. She needs help more so she can save him instead of aiding in his self destruction. I can’t imagine her struggle as a mother and her only son in such misery. It’s painful to watch.
I’m in Tx my daughter is in Anaheim Ca for over 10 yrs, she is now 30 she’s been homeless, I’ve been out there bringing her home she’s left without notice, I’ve paid her greyhound tickets where she never got on, Now I’m back to the place I’ve been before letting Go knowing well what her risks are.. thank you so much for sharing it’s information like this that helps me stay strong.
I needed to hear this. My son is suffering with alcoholism. I’m suffering with knowing when to help and when not to. His wife wants a divorce. Her parents took the kids and now the wife has moved out. My son is now left in a filthy dirty condo. So bad that half the food I brought for him I can’t store it there. The home is infested with roaches. The refrigerator doesn’t even work. I’ve been crying for three days now. He is facing a DUI, keys to vehicle have been taken. Dear God how am I going to exist knowing he is in this condition. He tells me he can’t go get help because he has to pay the rent. But he hasn’t been working so how can he pay the rent? Now the wife needs food for my grandchildren. She also has addictions and depression. I just want my life back and not worry about what’s going on with them. They made these choices.
First off I wanna applaud this man and have a lot of respect for someone to overcome what he has. I understand his point he’s making and I’m a recovering addict also. But what he said may work for some people, but for others, such as my self, it can push you over the edge to suicide/attempts. Asking for money is one thing. But asking for a sleeping bag so that you don’t freeze to death when it’s below freezing out, and being told no by the one person who still supposed to love you, is a whole other story. What would happen if he froze to death cuz of it? There’s a difference between “comfortable” and “survival”. I used to be homeless opiate addict and my mother cuz me off. This one time I had not eat anything for 3 days. I managed to find a phone to call my mom (I would still talk on the phone with her regularly) and I asked if she could meet to buy me a meal or even bring me just a few pieces of bread with jam or literally anything to eat, but she refused. That was my turning point where I attempted suicide that night by cutting my wrists and laying in the park by a tree.I lost a lot of blood and almost died but miraculously woke up in a hospital bed. So apparently some people seen me lying up against the tree and thought I’d be stabbed or shot and called 911 which saved my life. I didn’t talk to my mother for 2 years after that since I felt unloved by her. Less than a year after the suicide attempt I finally got clean. But still harvested the feeling of my mother not loving me anymore.
The truth is, everyone is different..there is no “this is how to handle addition for the parent”. Parents will usually blame themselves anyway..sadly..If they leave home and are homeless, and they die, you will blame yourself..If you let them live in your home and they die, then you gave them a place to die, you should have given them “tough love” ….you can’t win..All you can do is try to get them in treatment..its all you can do….I speak from experience..
My 29 yr old son has been an addict since 15.. He also has ADD GAD Asperger’s. Self medicates.. It is a painful journey for sure, boundaries are a must & non enabling but tough to see your child go hungry.. They get their serotonin from goals they reach positive steps. Unable to get those if we enable . These articles are helping me stick with this.. 🙏
Thank you so very much! What a great story! You go boy! I don’t even know you, but I’m so proud of you! My daughter is in the same scenario with one exception…her addicted son and his girlfriend live with her and have a child. Her son doesn’t work, can’t keep a job. The child’s mother does work some..But mostly, my daughter is now working full time, playing grandma and babysitter. She is near collapse. She’s afraid her son will take the baby, leave and who knows where they’ll end up. Heartbreaking for all. Suggestions anyone? Please and thank you.❤
After 10 yrs clean our son relapsed..I jumped into action..his wife kicked him our but I knew what to do..made up a room for him helped him…sigh with everything..into counseling, weekly drug test and he just continued to use. Truth is I know nothing..I feel like I can’t breathe. He now has 3 children that adore him but….here we are again. My husband of 34 years who worships the ground I walk on is so mad and so done he won’t even talk about it. My son signed himself into rehab yesterday and here we are .everything I tried so hard to forget is surfacing..God I need to stronger..
My ex husband died almost two years ago from late stage alcoholism. Through his whole downward spiral he had a house of his own and money to pay his bills – all due to his family who bought the house, financed repairs, and gave him odd jobs to earn some money here and there. Without these things I have no doubt he would have either been homeless or in jail. He never had to endure the discomfort of his addiction until it literally destroyed his health and by then it was far too late for him to change.
My daughter is an addict, always staying in trouble because of the drugs & alcohol. We have never had a relationship since she was 15, now she is 35. My heart breaks for her. I’ve kicked her our & it seems like she doesn’t have a rock bottom. I’ve let her move back home & things has gotten worse, I keep thinking I can save her but it’s not working. She has od & thank God someone called the ambulance. I really dont know what’s going to change her, she has been in & out of prison all her life. She had a grade average of 4.0, I don’t know how to help her. When ur child comes home & says I’m cold & hungry, I let her come back, I guess I do enable her, I feel like she is safe here & it doesn’t really help. I hate drugs & alcohol.
Helping them is called enabling them. So many parents do this (digging the child’s grave) or covering for a spouse. It’s hard Evolution is forced in human life in plant life it’s forced out of the comfort zone. Let them hit rock bottom as hard as that may be . You can’t even drop them off at rehab because they have to want it to them self
Thank you! I am learning … Your story resonates with me on so many levels. When my son was born I hadn’t decided on his name yet and I called him baby boy for a week. My kids are my world… my oldest has been struggling with addiction now for about 4 years. What long journey he has ahead of him. 🙏🏻
I’ve done the helping, the getting my daughter to rehab after rehab, to mental healthcare, doctors, the tough love, the backing off not helping, not giving money, just loving and trying not to enable, etc etc. She started in her early teens and had a boyfriend we tried to get her way from the whole time. Well that boyfriend passed away last July at 26 yrs old from Fetanyl after his Mom gave him the option to go to detox or not come home. He chose the streets and took my daughter with him. They got so bad, dealt with abuse from others and then broke up she latched on to another guy they met, he went home to his Moms to get help and was trying. He got weak and overdosed at his Moms and she found him in the bathroom. My daughter can’t handle his death, she blames herself, his Mom and has fell deeper into depression and says she cracked, is broken and think she has no purpose here without him. We all know that’s not true. I finally got her home, she went into detox again but kept trying to leave everyday. We kept encouraging her to stay. Then the case worker gave her bus money to nowhere without telling us and she left. How evil is that? Now we don’t know where she is. No phone, no money, no car. This just happened this week. I feel helpless. Her Dad is scared but fed up cause she did drugs in his house. She’s my only child and I fell angry like why my kid? All I wanted is to be a good Mom. She has a supportive family and I don’t know how it got here. I’m scared as she’s a girl roaming in LA.
My mother doesn’t understand not to help my two drug addict and now homeless brother’s, she goes out to buy them food, take blankets,clothes and also money. Me and my siblings try to make her understand that they are comfortable in the streets because they have everything but she just doesn’t get it and told us that we don’t love them like she does 🙁
My oldest son who just turned 36 years old has been an alcoholic druggadict since he was a teen it’s been a lifetime painful journey to see him turning out like this. Now he is been in prison off and on as well. I have been an access to him to be comfortable wherever he goes. I see that Us mothers can turn our kids into flakes for not being tough like this guy’s mom. Time for me stop all this nonsense.
There’s so much mixed advice. My niece died of an overdose and my brother and his wife gave her tough love and she still ended up dying in a seedy motel alone with a needle in her arm and they had tried every route available to them… so what happens in that case? Dammed if you do dammed if you don’t? Which way do you go? Which way is right? Where do you turn to? I’ve heard it say there’s no one standard for everyone?
Thanks for sharing this story. I have a long distance relationship of 7years. My partner had 2failed marriages and a 3rd failed relationship. I love this person but I feel that I’ve enabled him long enough… To go to him when he reach out for me… But I feel I’ve had ENOUGH… I PRAY THAT WILL ONE DAY BE I A POSITION TO CUT ALL TIES😢🙏🙏🙏I LOVE HIM AND HE CLAIMS TO LOVE ME….
I’m so happy to see this young man doing well and I feel for a lot of you because I’ve been there, and here’s what I have learned: you cannot let your child’s life derail you because that could have happened to me for 10 years … they are both sober now. But it was a long and hard road and I look back and I see that I should have just detached a bit taking care of myself first!! It’s OK to say I am turning my phone off at night and if something happens to you in the middle of the night jail hospital et cetera. I don’t need to be notified until the morning. If you are in jail, i’m not bailing you out. If you choose to keep using, then when I talk to you? I want to know how you’re doing in general. Talk to you about general things, maybe meet you for lunch. Et cetera but I don’t want to hear about your problems because those are by choice, and it’s not fair to completely derail me to where I can’t sleep at night. You’re gonna have to keep all of your drama on your side of the street.
We have lived this wrong but it’s hard to see and admitt that We have a enhanced difficulty in dealing with our daughter because we lost our 16 year old son to cancer 7 years ago and it almost killed us from broken hearts and lives. If we don’t get help now we are seriously concerned we are going to lose our daughter.
My mom and I were bestfriends my whole childhood. She has been the best human to me on this earth. I got so addicted to weed at 17. I have been chronically smoking since 17. I am 23 now. My mom is always trying to get me quit. She is so supportive and loving… and I throw it back in her face by smoking every day. Im done today. Im sober. Im choosing my family. Im choosing my mom. I pray that she still wants me after what Ive put her through. Im sorry mom. You did all you could. Thank you for not wanting me to be comfortable living such a horrible way. I love you. Forever.
To force a mother to have to say NO to 20,00 $ is very cruel, when her child is outthere living on the road, freezing. It is really an awful idea that mothers have to destroy their natural bonding to their child. I can t believe that this is the only solution. What happend when a mother says No, and the son in his despair goes and kills himself by an overdose or he diese afterwards out there by because of he gets a lunginfection or whatever. Because there are parents that say no, and their addicted kids die on the street. So what happend to this mother? Apart of the horrible grief to loose a child, she will feel guilty, guilty, guilty for her entire life, because she followed this advice. I would need an answer to this question to be able to give or follow this advice.
I needed to hear this soooo bad. Me and my daughters have been back and forth helping my 18 year old som Stay off the street. I’m done with enabling him and just had the conversation w my girls that he needs to be uncomfortable if he’s gonna change. It’s in the teens where he lives right now. Very cold and windy. So it’s been hard for my girls to let him stay out there. But their patience is wearing thin as he still hasn’t put in a single job application and can’t even help around the house, eating all their food……. I’m sending them this article. Thank u!!!! Funny thing… I was just telling my mom I wanted to ask some family if anyone had an extra sleeping bag for him. That way I knew he could at least be warmer. That’s the hardest part. Knowing he won’t be able to get warm at night.
Nobody knows what other person needs. Each of us are different and need to walk our own way. What works for one person doesn’t work for another, and even for the same person what works one day may not work another day. That’s the key for humanity who is looking for freedom and love: each of us know what we need, nobody else. Each moment is a different one with totally different circumstances.
I don’t understand how one thinks that the mother choosing not to participate in one’s addicted life equates that she took something away from you. Like you had no other way to get a sleeping bag. In AA I learned the expression Stinking Thinking, and this is a prime example. I’m glad that it was a path to take you to your bottom, and moreso glad that God helped you find the way back. Plus the fact is that she welcomed you back into her life and home, where so many would have not been so forgiving. A mother’s love really is God’s love.
Wow, this has opened my eyes to how even little things can be enabling. As a mom I would think it was okay to buy a sleeping bag because I wouldn’t be giving cash that would be used for drugs. I’d be afraid my child would commit suicide because he or she feels alone. Other concerns would be selling their bodies for drugs. My thoughts are very different than what actually helps an addict want to get help.
What I find so hard is why ppl are so focussed on the addiction and getting ticked off, instead of understanding what is causing the addiction. Trauma or adhd or other illnesses, pain etc. all can cause someone to use as well as your body craving and even liking the taste and it usually just starts with it being their answer to numb the pain of what is making them hurt so bad, or doing it to fit in. I have a child who has abused alcohol and drugs for 18 yrs. We just found out he has pretty bad adhd, we had no idea as a child but looking back now it makes sense. If you study adhd there are many opinions on it and it’s terrible, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, I had no idea, it’s way more than not being able to focus and being fidgety. They have a shortage of dopamine and another chemical because of their brain not being wired properly, so their brain looks for ways to get it. When you combine that with almost no impulse control from being addicted and the adhd and all the other debilitating effects, how is anyone supposed to be able to cope? My child can barely cope with adhd he lives in a constant nightmare, it’s heartbreaking to watch the struggle and how he tries to just be normal and hold down a job and relationship, it has not been possible for almost 2 decades. It’s no wonder that he uses alcohol or drugs to quieten his brain and hyper body and that’s not including the dopamine deficit and other brain chemicals, which prompts his body to go looking for it and of course the more you drink the more you have to drink to get that feel good dopamine feeling.
#Alanon here. I thought I was all done with alcoholism when I divorce my former husband and took our three children. Bumeramg the amount of sadness and depression in the millennials generation with the amount of suicides and overdoses is simply unfathomable to me and it catches up with the generation you are very sensitive. I’m praying for my sons well being as they struggle with coping.. just to give you an idea what are my sons I think is meant to 20 funerals. I’m in my 60s and I’ve been to possibly. These were all his age his friends. Mine were all older relatives in their 80s. We must recognize the tsunami of desperation that is rampant. Self-care is the most important thing you can do for yourself while your person is transitioning thru this. It’s got my hard for everyone.
Your disclaimer should be that this doesn’t work for everyone. However I can see that you are trying to move out the enabler. Drug addicts in my family took over everyone and everything so that when a struggling student like I was asked for help the answer was always no. I didnt try to persuade anyone to change their minds. The addicts were always able to. Sorry but I just couldnt and still understand why people chose truth over bs. I think that it was the play on emotions. So now thinking in hind sight, good work.
When one is drunk, one is simply possessed. One is no more oneself. I drink whiskey nearly daily for 22 years. I was a functional Alcoholic. I am absolute sober since 2022. Zero alcohol. I am very proud of myself and my Guardian Angel. I couldn’t have done it alone. No therapy. Nothing. I am simply a new person entirely. I rejoice every minute because I no more drink alcohol. Alcohol, where is your victory !? You no more have power over me. It is finished.
I as a mother I’m not a nurse or have a degree shciatry you don’t need any degree all you have to have is god be strong and never give up on them. That’s all. Never give up be strong the only one can help you than rehabs I don’t believe in them I have a son been dealing with him eighteen years I will never give up the lords has help me and him thank my lord for being there because sometimes we go to these special people and regalos they are the worse they can’t even handle there kids no people rebikitasion are no good meds no I believe the only person can help is god🙏
Are there really rehab / detox places that the addict can just “walk up” and sign if they are also penniless and homeless? In Los Angeles it seems they are all for profit. My brother is enabled by my mother and blames the family for everything, I say no and detach to his many demands but unfortunately the other family members continue to enable, he might have reached bottom recently but I fear he really has nowhere to go, luckily my mom is broke and blind and really can’t help him much. I want him to go to rehab but I cannot afford it….
I watch stories like this and feel irritated a bit. These “success” stories are wonderful, yet I cannot help but notice that so many that I watch and read about are of those who have intact intellect and cognitive skills (temporarily thwarted by substance use), privileged background, avg to high IQ, minimal/moderate mental health issues (not severe, disabling psychosis prone ones), little personal/family trauma, little to no learning disabilities, able bodied etc… basically they can envision a “future” in society if sober. Try ex-con, psychotic disorder, personality disorder, severe trauma, learning disability, head injury, poverty background, no skills, no education, no stable family, abandonment of primary caregiver (dad) etc… where the future is bleak even if sober. Does tough love work then or is it truly a death sentence?
How about we get real about how children are struggling in this crazy fast modern money driven world? What about the corruption of people, including children which is endemic across the so called civilized world? What happens to children years after they’ve been given no consideration before being conceived, then made to live a painful childhood?…neglected or abused as a child told they were welcome when they weren’t or told they were the problem parents projected on them? What if the adults about a person had horrible or no ‘boundaries’ and had been over stepping them since a person was tiny .. too tiny to ‘rationally’ re-member their own experience but are growing up with pain in their bodies they cannot even recognise as pain… and then the adults they needed to care for them were not themselves grown up and calm and content enough to see the developmental or social or nature needs of a child… and hurt and hurting others but are in denial? Then the child who acts out using drugs or with anger or fear or whatever are the one with the problem because they use drugs? If only drug use and recovery was so simple. If only families could admit what happens around and to their children behind closed doors… especially the secret stuff is very hard to face especially for the perpetrators when you were just little but you were just little . This is what I learnt from my ‘clean’ family members and from being on staff in a drug rehab for young people… children using drugs because of the pain they were in.
Did your Mum remind you are loved despite your behaviour everytime she said no to your begging. Was she gentle and kind toward you always in your darkest hours. Just wondering why this boundary setting expert example is the only way anyone should be treated who is choosing evil. I think this is great if your loved one survives the road to perdition. Did your Mum say she loves you and she is sorry you are lost and hurting Did you get better because you reached the end of your tolerance for self destructiveness. Or did you change because someone else, a random stranger or a thought of hope and self belief or belief in lifes goodness came to you and saved you. Did a person somewhere respond with genuine love and encouragement to your need.Enabling a loved ones Self destruction is not the only way to help them help themselves. If such an attitude proves anything it only proves you think being free of addiction the only goal. How about the things Jesus taught. Weep with those who weep, pity the weak, do good to those who hate you, or who hurt you. Taking the path of enduring patience and gentleness and personally sacrifice is how Jesus said to treat people. Love never fails. Was it love that saved you.
I am facing all this mix of events you All describing to make Matter much Worse – my Son master manipulates, lies threats, don’t learns his own mistakes _ his disabilities excuses to forgets easily what He done !! The most choking super painful for me to Bare weekly is the threats of wanting to Kill me, either shares intents to Hire hit man !! To take care of the people – He doesn’t like – But worse feeling is to know that _ He includes me on. Hid list !! Saying will reach Russia mafia, china north korea, mafia criminals…. to take care of all people He hates, & mom is included !!? Really scare He will hit me and kill me in a very painful bleeding horrible way !! as already happened – Mostly because, He wants the House but he is living in one No satisfy & money any money mom can have ! Which doesnt have proofs of having any — not longer share any life changes to Him for my safety !! – He is Unrecognized acting pure Evil & Pray for him is Not changing Nothing !! Ehat all of You Moms will Do ??