Caring for an elderly parent with cancer can be a challenging and stressful experience, as it depends on their health and function. It is essential to maintain open communication, provide physical support, nurture nutrition, and plan for end-of-life care. Learning about the parent’s medical history can help fill in gaps for their care team, and it is crucial to speak calmly and take one day at a time.
Caregivers of different races and cultures can provide care in their own way, and it is important to seek guidance from community centers or seniors’ groups. If the adult child’s prognosis is poor, finding a grief support group may be beneficial.
To support a parent with cancer, it is essential to allow them to start cancer talks, be a great listener and take notes, and make an organized plan. The key to supporting a senior parent with cancer is maintaining a healthy diet, physical support, and spending time together.
6 tips for caring for a senior parent with cancer include getting organized, learning about their condition, keeping them comfortable, and being there. It is also important to accept help from others, such as family and friends, and to offer practical support such as making meals for the family, gardening, and driving them to the hospital for blood tests and appointments.
A strong support group is essential for both the caregiver and the parent, as they will need it for emotional support and moments of respite. It is essential to remember that everyone has different ways of providing care, and understanding and support are crucial for a successful and fulfilling life.
📹 ELDERLY PARENTS FEEL ENTITLED? What might make a selfish aging parent tick and what to do about it
Some of our parents feel entitled and are self centered, some might call them self-absorbed. Dealing with self-absorbed elderly …
What do cancer patients want to hear?
Cancer diagnosis can lead to constant help from others, even for the most independent individuals. Cancer patients often prefer specific tasks to be assisted with, such as running errands, providing meals, babysitting, cleaning, caring for the lawn, buying groceries, giving rides, picking up prescriptions, and helping make to-do lists. By choosing one of these tasks and doing it every week, they can alleviate stress and feel like they have their needs taken care of. By focusing on specific tasks, cancer patients can feel more supported and less overwhelmed.
How do you stay sane while caring for an elderly parent?
Becoming a family caregiver for an aging adult is a selfless act of love, but it doesn’t have to steal your peace of mind. The first step in remaining calm and focused while providing care is to accept and really own the choice you’ve made. If you truly don’t feel caregiving is for you, start looking at other options. However, if you plan to carry on, the tips below may be helpful for maintaining your sense of well-being amidst caregiver stress.
Acknowledge the role switch. If the person you’re providing care for is your aging mother or father, then things are turned around, and you’re the one supervising them. Acknowledge that this role switch comes with uncomfortable feelings at first and you’ll need to adjust your expectations of the parental role. If you turned to Mom or Dad for a certain type of solace or support in the past, you may need to find an alternative support method if they are no longer able to provide it.
Don’t expect things to change overnight. Adjusting to these new roles and responsibilities associated with them will take a while. Just as your parent learned how to take care of children, you will learn how to take care of them. As time goes on, you’ll both learn what works best for you. No caregiver-caregivee relationship is perfect right off the bat, especially when those involved were already used to previous roles as parent and child.
Be prepared for their emotional reaction. Although you may think that your loved one should be grateful to have found a caregiver, their emotions may not be so straightforward. Anger and displays of ingratitude are more likely to crop up than not, but it may benefit your frame of mind if you didn’t expect thank-yous (not that you don’t deserve them!). It may be beneficial to express gratitude and express gratitude to your loved one for helping you through this difficult time.
It is possible to stay sane while being a caregiver. Coming into caregiving with the right frame of mind can help you keep your mental well-being. Consider talking to other caregivers or joining a group of them that meets on a regular basis. You may find yourself sharing and receiving additional tips that keep you not only sane but happy. If you are unsure of how to best help an aging loved one, the trained and compassionate staff at the Institute on Aging is here to help you gain the best in at-home care for older adults.
How to help an elderly parent with cancer?
Learning a parent’s medical history can help fill gaps in their care team, helping them create a personalized treatment plan. This includes regular medications, allergies, and past illnesses. Parents can share this information with their care team or request permission to view their MyChart account. If the parent is uncomfortable sharing their full health history, they can offer privacy during conversations with their care team. This can help fill in gaps and support their care team in managing their health.
What not to say to a cancer patient?
The text provides tips on how to effectively communicate with a cancer patient. It emphasizes the importance of understanding their needs and not focusing solely on what they can do for them. Cancer survivors on their Facebook page offer advice on how to avoid certain phrases and expressions that may not be helpful.
Some common phrases and expressions that may not be helpful include:
- “Really you have cancer? You don’t look that sick”.
- “Just live in the moment”.
- “I read about this new diet that cures cancer!”
- “I know you will get better!”
- “I know what you’re going through. My dog had cancer”.
- “I can’t stop worrying about you”.
- “So very sorry to hear that I like working with you!”
- “Just got that yesterday!”
- “What?”
- “My _ died of cancer”.
- “I know someone who had the same type of cancer and they just had a recurrence”.
- “Oh, that’s the good cancer. It’s so curable”.
- “You’re so strong and brave! I could never go through what you’re going through”.
- “Why are you letting her eat that? It feeds the cancer cells”.
- “Is it bad?”
- “I should have been eating organic”.
- “Are you a smoker?”
- “I hope you don’t get it!”
- “Let me know if there’s anything I can do”.
- “What specifically do you need done?”
- “Do you need anything from the store?”
- “You really should exercise and eat better!”
- “I know so and so who had the same type of cancer and they were just fine!”
How to tell an elderly parent they need help?
To convince an elderly parent they need help, it is essential to remain positive and empathetic, allow them control and autonomy, provide options, collaborate with others, choose battles, start small, reframe conversations around you and other loved ones, and accept your own limits. Aging can be a scary experience, leading to physical and emotional changes for your loved ones. Talks about moving out of their home or adjusting certain habits may not always be welcome, as your parents may feel scared and confused about their independence.
Additionally, aging also leads to a major role reversal for your parents, as they will always see you as their child. This change of identity can make your parents feel less essential or wanted, especially when they are told they aren’t capable of doing something for themselves. To support your elderly parents in these times, stay positive, empathetic, and provide options that help them navigate their new role as adults.
What not to say to someone whose parent has cancer?
When speaking with a cancer patient, it is crucial to be attentive, understanding, and supportive. Avoid making fun of, judging, or trying to change their behavior. Instead, offer to listen whenever they feel ready.
At times, uncertainty and worry may cause a cancer patient to appear angry, despondent, or withdraw from others. This is normal and a natural part of the grieving process. Most people can adjust to their new reality and move forward with their lives over time. Support groups or mental health experts may be necessary to help cope with the changes cancer has brought into their lives.
Stigma, where others question if they have done anything in the past that could have contributed to the disease, can lead to guilt and feelings of being left out or unsupported. This can impact how people approach therapy, their quality of life, and whether they seek follow-up care.
If someone you know is feeling stigmatized due to their cancer diagnosis, be reassuring and demonstrate your concern. Encourage them to accept that they cannot change the past but can take charge of their lives and care while undergoing therapy and afterward.
How do you prepare for a parent dying of cancer?
To emotionally prepare for the death of a parent, it is essential to communicate their needs, honor them while they are still alive, work together to document their life, stories, recipes, and favorite sayings, and find support. It is natural to avoid discussing difficult topics like preparing for a parent’s death, but being emotionally and financially unprepared can make the situation worse. Broaching the topic before a crisis allows the parent to make their wishes clear. Planning ahead for the death of a parent ensures that their wishes are met and saves family members added stress during a difficult time. Benefits of being prepared for a parent’s death include:
- Ensuring that the parent’s wishes are met
- Providing a safe space for the family to grieve
- Ensuring that the family is supported during the difficult time of the parent’s death.
What are the 8 needs of the elderly?
The elderly require eight essential needs to maintain their well-being and quality of life: family support, home safety, medical care, cognitive health, mobility, personal hygiene, meal preparation, and social interaction.
How do you know when an elderly person is giving up on life?
The initial indications of resignation may be observed in a decline in mood, diminished motivation, social withdrawal, and a tendency to reminisce about childhood experiences and past events. Additionally, a reduction in appetite, general weakness, and increased fatigue may be indicative of an aversion to departing from one’s current circumstances.
How to comfort a parent with cancer?
PeggyBob M. recommends that individuals contact those who have influenced them in some way to express their gratitude and affection. She encourages discussion of memories and enjoyment of the present moment, stating that time is a gift and therefore it is important to express one’s desires and act according to them.
How do I stop losing patience with my elderly mother?
When dealing with elderly parents, it is essential to be persistent and avoid power struggles. Avoid overwhelming your loved one with too much information in a single conversation, as this can trigger their fear of losing control. If your loved one has dementia or a cognitive impairment, they may struggle to absorb too much information at once. Instead, empower your loved one by making them a part of every decision-making process and validating their emotions.
Be sensitive to criticism and judgment, as it can put your parents on the defensive. Instead, use “I” statements, such as “I’m concerned because you look like you’re losing weight and I’m worried that you’re not eating enough”. By following these tips, you can create productive conversations and build a strong relationship with your elderly parents.
📹 Support Caring for Elderly Parents: A Caregiver Education Program
Caregivers ask where to find support caring for elderly parents all in one place? Learn more about my caregiver education …
My own 93 yr mom never took care of her own parents! My neice takes care of her! She drains my neice out with her constant complaining about everything! I care for my mentally disabled adult son and I do everything for him! People care for their loved ones but if you have never been a caregiver you just don’t understand! This is a full time job very emotionally and physically exhausting your life is no longer yours! Doctors are giving a lot of people in their 90s medication for everything! But it doesn’t help dementia patients or help the ederly walk again! A lot of people are living much longer but are miserable in their bodies that no longer work! It’s truly sad to see them suffer! ( Mrs Garcia) wife of Raul
I need to talk. My 87 yo mother and I just fought. Ultimately the end of the fight came down to this: No one is perfect. No thing is perfect. It’s okay to not be perfect. It’s okay to accidentally cause hurt. Hurt happens. All the time. It’s okay. My love for you is not dependent on if you are perfect. You are lovable even if you are not perfect. She was AGHAST. IRRATE. FURIOUS. SHE TOLD ME I WAS A LIAR. OVER AND OVER. I kept telling her I loved her. She told me FUCK you fuck off You’re a liar…get away from me or I will call the police! O M G. I went to my sister’s room and prayed for my mom. She has born the burden of perfection for her entire life. The pain I felt for her was staggering. Perfection is a difficult taskmaster. She has suffered long. I pray for her freedom from her pain. All comments invited. I would sure appreciate support. She really wants to cling to perfection.
I feel so bad for middle age people. Having to deal with your own life and family and on top of that to take care for your elderly parents. I’ve worked in nursing homes and I can assure you they can be extremely entitled and rude. There are a few good ones, but they are a minority. Dementia certainly plays a big role in their behavior, but still, I know this is frustrating and tiring for the caregivers
I just had last straw with a widowed, childless elderly lady who I helped alot. Like Jekyl and Hyde, imagining wrong things about people, that aren’t true (even if distrust is there which is understood) She been referred to as mean, and with angry outbursts, It hit me considering her past, how she was growing up. Narcissist? It was like her eyes got big and black like demons at work in her. Didnt even apologize. She cant even lure me back with her professed good cooking. I pray she go before God to help her deal with what’s been bothering her because even spoke against God, and I had tried in love to address her behaviors in dealing with other people (insight). She wondered why people dont wanna be around her. In prayers.
Im new to the diabetics world. My father was hospitalized and i was the only one showing support. When he came home i had to learn how to take blood and insulin for him. He told me maybe if i went to school and got a degree in nursing i would know what to do. I work 7am-10pm the 11pm-7am and then drive 25 minutes to go to his house for his breakfast and by the time im done its 10 or 11.. I neglect nyself but not eating breakfast or showering on time to where im late for my 7-10 because i overslept. He demand for things and acts like its a burden to say please and thank you and when i ask for a little of respect he makes uo his face like he smells shit and makes tbe excuse on his diabetes. He try to oick things with me so if i have money if his he will demand for his money back. When things are good he texts me to be safe at work or to wake me up and when he switches he doesnt call me text me or anything. Im just so tored and sometimes i wish i was never born. He doesnt see the stress that hes putting on me and when i say something he gaslights me
I saw more comments, to which I believe that my reply to one could likely help: Living with a spouse who has traumatic brain injury is similar. Perhaps I can help from successful experience: 1) be quick to listen, slow to anger, and slow to speak 2) overcome evil with good How do those ideas work? Listening helps you anticipate. Know what will be demanded and do or have it in advance. You’ll have more energy from less stress. Slow to anger helps you think more clearly- less stress on you. Anger in response only increases anger of your patient. Slow to speak… sometimes it’s pointless to respond. Why talk to a fool according to his warped reasoning? Save your energy and reduce your stress by saving your time and breath. In all these steps, you are doing good and overcoming the evil that can so easily overwhelm us.
I let my father move in about a year 1/2 ago and the original plan was just for a couple months, then he’d be on his way. After he moved in he had an unfortunate medical issue and I acted as a bed-side nurse of sorts changes bandages twice a day. On top of all of this I have a business I’m running and a 9yo son I raise by myself. I have been trying to broach the subject of getting him out of my house and honestly every time I bring it up it just devolves into him shouting at me, he has also begun treating his grandson poorly and I often have to break up arguments between them, it breaks my heart. I don’t know what to do and everyone else in the family just ignores the issue because I’m dealing with it so not their problem. This has totally destroyed my romantic relationships and I’ve essentially given up on finding a spouse at this point because having pops at the house walking around in his underwear isn’t exactly what they want to see.
So what if your father had a big life. Why does that mean you have to please him. This is the way life goes and if he doesn’t accept it, that’s his problem. Why do they get all the empathy and we just have to take it. Your articles just add to the guilt. Might they ease up a bit . This makes me so angry
My elderly (89 yr old) MIL is extremely toxic & abusive to my husband (her only child) as well as myself. I have had to go no contact because of the effects that she causes me to have for weeks after a visit. My MIL berates my husband-who goes to her house every Wednesday religiously for over 15 years. Or also when needed. She says things like “I wish I had had a girl & not a boy. Girls are always close to their Moms…” Or the good old blackmail of “unless you visit more, I will spend all of your inheritence to make myself happy.” (Her ONLY activity that she will do and is interested in is buying scratch off tickets. She has gone through 40K in 3 years of scratch off’s & QVC crap that she ends up not wanting & sometimes remembers to demand for my husband to return it for her. Mostly she forgets & blows 300$ on an item that she throws in a closet.) It’s sickening & cruel to my husband.
Thank you so much for doing this article! I had an “lightbulb” moment when you described how much an elderly’s person life can shrink and they only have a few people in their whole world and therefore don’t get much attention. It make so much sense, and yet I never thought of it that way. I must remember this always with my interactions with my own parents.
My elderly 91 and 93 yr old parents refuse help of any kind .. They think they are just cool 40 yr olds no matter how messed up their lives are .. Being a loving, understanding and yes caring dasughter is very hard.. I know this not on purpose but now truly realize they are happy to let me suffer and watch like some horrible accident I try to stop as they just never move on and stay stuck. My dad is one stubborn man and wants to rule the roost and that is fine. Rule it just let me clean up the messes,Just let me clean out the fridge, take the garbage stacking up out, do the laundry and clean up that which they refuse to do .. Did I mention my own husband has the beginnings of dementia too. 3 people living in some unrealistic world makes the normal sureal and infuriating .. My lord they have the money to live well but refuse to .. I only wish they were demanding not the worst of the opposite .. Dad is one strong man but every character in a Robert Duvall movie. One tough guy .. This is more I am femle therfore I am not capable of much .. My lord, I have a 140 I Q, work hard and have a decent heart . Just wish they were accepting of just helping them. I grew up doing many chores and being responsible for home care so why now do they want their independance over caring for their welfare . I ain’t pushy just totally frustrated..
My Dad left us as children with our Mother battling Lupus and severe panic disorder which left me to care for her at 7. Dad Rarely bought us Christmas or birthday gifts and never his grandchildren so my daughter asks why I do so much for him now that he’s unable to care for himself. All I say is it has to be done but it’s terrible he doesn’t seem to appreciate it or offer more to help like gas money considering he’s financially way better than me. He does say thank you but I’m sure it’s to keep me coming back. Another problem is he refuses outside help his insurance would cover which agin is all about him and his mind is very sharp still. He’s always been healthy and never faced adversity. I had 3 heart surgeries before I was 40 and im 49 now
I just moved back in with my father 4 months ago after my moms suicide. He is rude, farts and never excuses himself, he just pisses me off. Acuses me of everything and watches several hours of news a day. It just bothers me the way he acts. How do I stop his behavior from bothering me? He has never said he loved me, says thank you or please. What the hell is wrong with him?
Im 27 and have had to move in with my 65 year old parent. I haven’t lived with her for over 10+ years, I left at age 18 and been independent since. We argue a lot now, she thinks Im still that 18 year old kid and doesn’t see me as an adult. She’s barges into my room and demands things, scolds me, goes through my things and invades my privacy without regarding Im an adult. It’s effecting my mental health and I need some help to figure this out:
I’m sorry… I love my parent whom I’m caring for on my home.. and I am sure to maintain my own psych therapy in the process of caring for my parent…I wish you would acknowledge that the care givers life is also narrowed down to just focusing on parental care.. we are also limiting our life relationships and experiences while we care for our parents.. some limits and boundaries should be acceptable.
Just moved my dad into an ALF along with hospice services. I am 36 weeks pregnant with 2 other kids and am dads Only family member to make decisions for him. He has dementia but it’s not real severe, he texts me every day saying he’s not getting his medication and they aren’t feeding him well and demands I put him in an independent apartment for seniors. I know he’s confused but breaks my heart.
I’m perusal because my aging Inlaws are starting to become difficult. If I treat them like adults, it seems to get challenging. Complications happen and trying to reason with them as adults turns into arguments. They don’t speak fully or correctly, arguments begin and then it gets heated, I just want to go home but cannot always. Most days are good but we have our moments. I’m beginning to believe my best strategy is to be quiet, ignore what I see and avoid most anything more than hello or good bye. This is going to be difficult.
I’m just glad in the 21st Century that we have article Cameras. I’ve been recording my mom, today she thought it was Thursday, but no it’s Wedsnday, arguing with me that like she always does becuase she is always right in her mind. I made her put her glasses on, turn the guide on the tv, and made her read the date. This has become a weekly thing. As far as Caring for her We Cared for our Mother way more than our Mother ever Cared for her own Elderly Mother and Father, always busy running to Bingo and Slot machines. So my ‘Empathy’ is right on the Edge.
What does one do when your mother is selfish, self centered, hateful, rude and terribly prideful. Not prideful in a like dignified way, but prideful in that they can’t be wrong even when they have no reason to actually believe they have ever been right much except that they just always told themselves they were right in every situation in life. In my situation my mother divorced my father when I was 5. She was very Ill because a doctor overdosed her on steroids. She gained a horrible amount of weight. She fought badly with my Dad to the point he left. She always acted like he was a horrible person. Now that I’m an adult I see it was her causing the big arguments. None the less she could hardly work and never really took much advantage of her education. I see now she probably also didn’t get much out of what schooling she got because she obviously was never terribly intelligent. Yet, somehow she got me in the divorce. I only saw my Dad like 6 to 8 times as a kid. So I grew up terribly poor. We had to move every year. So yes, a new school every year and you know what happens when you’re the new boy in school. Every bully has to prove the new kid can’t beat them up. So constant bullying also because I wouldn’t go along with the bad stuff the other kids wanted to do and I was so poor. I kept myself clean, but I didn’t have nice clothes and stuff like them. Looking back and having kids of my own I realize if you love them you’ll give them to the other parent if they can provide a better life.
Hi, a few words from the other side of the picture. My husband and I, ages 91 and 92, living an independant life in an apartment. On no meds, still mobile, with three children who are devoted to us. We only let them help when totally necessary, government forms etc. Our status is not because we are lucky but because we have felt a responsibility to take good care of ourselves over our aging period. If your parents through unexpected illness etc need help then I would say seriously consider giving it. If through neglect of self during their able years, then don’t feel guilty if you decline this responsibility. We consider we have had a good life and want the same for our children. They don’t owe us their lives in now their own declining years and with their own family responsibilities. However, bottom line, compassion always when able to give it. Love begets love.
My father is now 81, and I’m 55, so no spring chicken myself. Since my mid teens, it’s been:- ‘grab us another will you, pick up my new new hot water system then haul it up the stairs, trim my bushes behind the house’. It matters not that I work full time, don’t live with him, and am getting on, myself. I want a couple of days a week for myself where I’m not answerable to either him, or my actual employer. The other day, I had to move bags of wood from the bottom of his house to the top of his driveway. Later on today, I’m helping him move his boat that he’s just put on the market. It drives me insane. He just sees nothing wrong with wasting my time, and I can’t get my own tasks completed. He lives in a huge house that he’s too old to take responsibility for, and won’t downsize. I’m often doing odd jobs there because he’s too old and unfit to carry them out, himself. Other family members won’t step in, and I’m worried it will effect me mentally, long term.
What if they are not being safe with their actions by over doing it? It’s pure ice out today and my 80 year old mom and her twin in which I love with, insist on walking across ice, lifting heavy furniture, and yell at me when I tell them to take their pills! I have this fear that they will cause harm to themselves on accident because they do have dementia. How do I approach keeping th safe vs. nagging to them?
My husband’s parents are long gone, but mine are still around. My younger sister lived near them but died eight years ago. I have lived 1,100 miles away for almost 25 years and they still ask when I’m coming back (the 12th of never). They have never come to visit me; I have to do all the traveling. My husband and I actually discussed last night that we both hope my mother dies first because she is an insufferable pain in the tail and Dad needs some peace, quiet and a little bit of fun.
Well I believe we all love our parents and as science has increased the life of human beings, we want to live more. Please correct me if I’m wrong. now people in old age just live with this shrink life the last years of their life. That’s not actually a great gift by science and our desire to live more doesn’t come to an end even at the death bed. Is this a right way of old age? Or we should find a new way of living the old age which was known as sanyas in India. Where people went to prepare for their death and the search for their inner source which never dies. Just heard these things from my kinda friend who is around 75 years old and says that he has found his inner being which is a eternal being. Shouldn’t we look into this as well?
This is so relatable I am a caretaker for my grandfather it’s a pain in the neck he dosent have dementia but he has Parkinson disease. The meds he is taking is effecting his brain. I’ve had some arguments and lost my temper with him he loses my temper its a complicated situation and esstrangeness with him. I love him but he’s a pain in the butt. I’d rather take care of an elder dog least dogs don’t talk back. He says the samething to me everyday wishing he could go. But we tell him your not ready yet. He dosent see how he has more to offer then he realizes.
My mother in law us a person who is so entitle, self absorbed, selfish & mean. She shows her true color on her helper that could only stand her for 1 to 2 months then they are gone. She will throw things to them or while they are cleaning she kept on calling them and ordering them to do another task. Showing how insensitive she is. She helps in the church feeding the poor but with her helper she doesn’t feed them right how hypocrite she is. I really can’t stand her she shouts on her helper infront of me and my children. What manners will my children get from her. I can’t stand her so told my husband don’t make a choice we live and you stay with her because I had enough!!! That’s it!
People lose social skills as their worlds close in around them, mental status changes or not. Caregivers have to establish reasonable boundaries with their loved ones, who will ALWAYS have a “list”. The key is to not allow any guilt trips to be laid upon you, after you have agreed to do what you reasonably can. The average adult caregiver child will have one parent at a time, demanding services and pushing their buttons. Imagine being on the nursing staff of a skilled facility with a floor full of patients like this, all complaining, manipulating and threatening to get the attention they want. I have experienced both scenarios, and neither is enjoyable. It is a foregone conclusion that dependent elderly people will develop unrealistic expectations, so it is up to the caregiver—whether a relative or a staff member—to communicate, in a kind but firm manner, what he or she can and will do.
I feel selfish…is my grandmother making me break rocks? No. Yet all my life she’s exhausting with nipicks complaints and if I start to get annoyed ‘I’m snotty’ She is a narcissist and wasn’t there for my mom for a major childhood trauma. Grandma is a pennypincher… and refuses to pay for a caregiver or has PTSD from surgery and covid anxiety…and refuses to even try to see a therapist or talk to one online. So when she has an issue at night and wants me there. If she was easier to get along with I’d be happy to live with her for stretches. I know small potatoes to parents with dementia and across the country. So I’m like “okay if you refuse help why should me or mom drop what we’re doing, work in my case.”
I dont have “parents” barely had a mom but yes “selfish” nails it right along with jealous & irresponsible. After my separation from a very abusive & confusing relationship with a drug addict we, myself/son/infant daughter, had to stay with her and her husband. It was the 2nd worst and most abusive relationship of my life! All the while she & her husband and anyone walking into her home would terrorize us.. .and we are quiet people in general but was way more silent & keot to ourselves after finally escaping the terrifying relationship i was in prior to that but yet, irs always about her comfort. Her comfort, her sex life, etc! I have since obtained a Bachelor’s in Behavioral Sciences and learned i was hypersexualized growing up, around alot of sex, etc from a very early age. I’ve lost all hope for her & i and am currently homeless as a result of losing my job that i worked hard and “right” for so i cannot wait to no longer know her. Regardless of behavior or age because I’ve experienced alot of health changes or experiences on my own never once hearing from her during those times!
My dad is so manipulative,hurts my mom’s feelings,puts her down and blames her and me for him feeling bad, we walk on egg shells,she constantly caters to him,give me this give me that, blames her he can’t sleep,fights with the neighbors, it’s horrible . He caters to my little sister and daughter but resents me
The biggest question is why do the adult children continually put up with this crap?? The spouses of these adult kids are suffering from neglect as the inlaw gets all the baby attention from the kids. The adults need help in overcoming their crippling insecure behaviours, I know because I see it in my husband and his siblings. Wish I had seen this immature behaviour in my husband years ago before I ever had kids myself. dementia isn’t in play here with this situation. My father in law is needy and demanding, created and learned behaviour from his wife.
It sucks being the immediate transport when the real transport should be picking them up. My old man wants to drive again knowing full well being told it is not safe for him to drive. He doesn’t want to do the occupational. When he wants to go out, all he ever does go to damn walmart. I personally refuse to shop there, unless I pick up the order. It gets to the point where he wants to always go to that store, and it doesn’t fit my schedule because I work overnight… I am not sure about any resources for anyone who has to look after a parent while trying to work. Unfortunately for me, I enjoyed driving OTR, but when the stroke happened, it has been scary considering what to do when something like that could happen again.
This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come: For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God:
His world has shrunk. The visits from us is his entire world. Have some empathy for them If it isn’t dementia and you parent doesn’t have the ability to change their behaviour don’t you think you should let some things go and don’t let them Would that make What if you assumed they aren’t doing this on purpose and it was just dementia and that they couldn’t control it. Look at them as if they have an illness and then cannot control it. This might help you not take it so personally. But maintain your boundaries subtly but assertively. Your abilities and your helpfulnes isn’t considered less because of your parents inability to recognise it. The universe thanks you
My father verbally accosted me the other day before I barely had an opportunity to enter the room. I was so floored I just sat there for a minute before getting up and walking out. It was a pathetic and disgusting display he put on and I’ve been burning with anger. Thank you for giving some clarity and helping me realize that patience……… maybe a lot, will be required. He is 90 and just seems bitter, angry, foul-mouthed and spiteful………. Looking for fault in others. It’s difficult to see the decline. Thank you for your article😊
I’m here after I have witnessed a friend pretty much become nothing but a punching bag to his mentally ill abusive elderly father and giving up his job to almost full time care for his codependent enabling elderly mother. He acts like a abusive victim (he is) and is destroying his health. I’ve come to the conclusion that if I hit old age I will support assistanted suicide for myslef, because there is no way in hell I will do that to my children.
My 90 year old grandma is so physically frail that she struggles to get from one part of the house to another part of the house, she spends almost all her time the TV room chair and when we last visited she had to roll out of the chair onto the floor crawl to the stair railing and use the stair railing to pull herself up. Her dementia has gotten so bad she is starting to make questionable decisions and can’t pay her bills without help. She fell 3 times this year this last time she broke her jaw and a tooth went through her lip, the lady that comes to clean once a week found her unconscious and bleeding. She has a walker but she won’t use it. We have offered to make some modifications to the house to make it easier for her to get around but she says save you’re money I don’t need it. Helping her is no easy task because she lives 6 hours drive away from my parents and 2 states away from me, also when you try and help she gets cranky/doesn’t want to do what you ask. My parents have had to drive to her house 5 times this year staying 1 to 3 weeks each time and they are frustrated, this is too much driving/time away from home. My parents don’t want to live in the cold remote mountain town she lives in and I can’t leave my job so we asked her to move in with us or move to a nearby assisted living facility but she refused. We get along with her the problem is she is really stubborn/you can never change her mind and she really does want to die in her house. We can’t afford an expensive court battle to make her move into assisted living.
My 93 year old mother has Alzheimers stage 4-5 and has lived on her own since 1990 after the death of my dad. Her stubborn attitude and stoic belief that she can care for herself and her bungalow still prevails. Mother is now on her 3rd set of carers,provided by the local authority, before she ends up in a Care Home. Mother is able to converse with her carers- despite being deaf and refusing to wear hearing aids- and she manages to remain lucid when talking to some of her grandchildren as well as close family. I cannot see mother on my own because our conversation is confrontational and futile. This has been ongoing for some years now and mother has been told that this is her last chance of remaining independent. My siblings and I have reached the stage where a Care Home will be the answer to mother’s issues but getting her in one, is another matter.
I retired early and moved across the country with my wife to take care of my mom. My wife’s mom recently passed away and my wife told my mom. She had absolutely nothing to say about it. Just dismissed it as oh well. I will never understand this kind of behavior no matter how many articles I watch. I don’t need thanks for taking care of her but come on do they forget all human decency?
I never realized how f up my parents were until now. I knew my dad was abusive having suffered being hit even for being sick but now trying to keep my meth head brother away from our home she my mother shames me guilt trips me all because I’m trying to stop him from coming to my house from stealing, doing drugs in our bathroom and me being sober for 20 years is triggering me. I’m exhausted angry and fed up!! Neither of my brother help in any way and I have sacrificed my entire social, and career to take care of both of them!! My mother turns a blind eye allowing him to come over hopped up on meth while I have to police the house as and I’m tired of it. I’m tired of the abuse I get. The silent treatment, the devalue, and being the fn bad guy for trying to keep us all safe!! So now I’m ready to leave. Now i feel nothing but hate, not for now but for a lifetime of being treated like shit!! As 15 yrs old being hit for being sick, left downtown after a modeling job to figure out my way home, always trying to figure out how to fix my own problems even as a small child but now as an adult I’m expected to care and fix theres as though I’m not allowed to have a fn life?!!!F THEM F MY FAMILY WHO NEVER GAVE AN F ABOUT ME!! 20PLUS YEARS I GAVE THEM ONLY TO HAVE ME CONTINUE TO BE ST ON AND GUILT TRIPPED FOR DOING WHATS BEST FOR THEM?!!! F THEM ALL!!!
My mother thinks whole point of having kids is so they will take care of her. Well she always says kids but she only had one kid. I have no life and feel like I have to sacrifice mine to work full time and then cater to my mother. My mom doesn’t have dementia but she is helpless and refuses to do anything for herself. I have no life and my mother doesnt appreciate me and then says mean things like I have big butt and no wonder I couldn’t keep a man.