Parallel parenting is a strategy that involves minimal contact and maximum independence between parents who share custody. It is a low-conflict method that can be beneficial for a child’s well-being and can be formalized in court by a judge or agreed upon by parents. A parallel parenting plan is detailed and robust, leaving little room for interpretation, minimizing communication but ensuring the best environment for the child.
Parallel parenting is particularly beneficial for divorced or separated parents who are unable to cooperate to raise their children in a healthy environment. The plan can be formalized in court by a judge who will decide how the parents should implement the plan based on evidence and mitigating arguments.
Parallel parenting is best when every aspect or possibility is covered, leaving little room for interpretation. It allows parents to shift their focus from drama with their ex to being attentive and emotionally available. A parallel parenting arrangement may be a good approach to shared custody for parents who are unable to communicate with one another.
A parallel parenting plan can stipulate which parent will attend school events or go to soccer games, for example. This guide to parallel parenting helps parents share responsibilities while maintaining minimal contact. It is essential to understand how to implement parallel parenting in your family to ensure a harmonious shared parenting environment for your child.
📹 Parallel parenting the only way to coparent with a narcissist
Parallel parenting is the only way to coparent with a narcissist (+FREE GIFT)//Divorcing a narcissist or co parenting with a …
Is parallel parenting a good idea?
Parallel parenting is a method of shared parenting where both parents remain involved in their children’s lives, even in high-conflict separations or divorces. Studies show that children have the best outcomes when they spend at least 35 percent of their time with each parent. This approach is beneficial for children who may struggle to co-parent due to their differences. Parallel parenting allows parents to maintain their relationships with their children while minimizing interaction.
This can be an effective solution for parents and ex-partners struggling with civil relationships. It can be a long-term solution or a temporary strategy until the two parties can work together more directly.
What is the best parenting schedule for parallel parenting?
Parents typically choose a rotating schedule for custody, where children spend two, two, or three days with each parent. This schedule allows each parent to have some weeks with more parenting time. A 3-4-4-3 schedule divides custody into two-week blocks, with parents having three and four days each week before switching. However, 50/50 shared custody can be challenging for some parents due to work schedules and other obligations. This can be more difficult in two homes, where older kids and teens may manage well, while younger kids may need more attention and structure.
Some parents may choose a 4-3 schedule, where one parent has the child for four days and the other for three days, a long weekend, every week, or a 5-2 schedule, where one parent covers every work week and the other every weekend.
What is a parallel parenting example?
Parallel parenting is a method of co-parenting where each parent has their own parenting approach when the children are with them. This approach differs from co-parenting, which can involve multiple communication touchpoints and may align on a shared parenting approach. Parallel parenting, on the other hand, usually involves limited communication through written word only and parents parent separately.
This approach allows high-conflict co-parents to maintain their collective parenting responsibilities while disconnecting from each other personally. This strategy helps parents attain a level of independence and builds a framework for healthy boundaries in shared parenting. Both approaches can help maintain a healthy balance in shared parenting.
What is the healthiest parenting style?
Authoritative parenting is the most recommended style for children, as it promotes emotional stability and self-sufficiency. It involves clear communication, age-appropriate standards, and setting boundaries. Children are encouraged to make choices and discuss appropriate behavior. Parents should listen to their children’s emotional health concerns and express love and affection frequently. Positive reinforcement and praise can be used to encourage desired behavior, while ignoring annoying attempts at attention. Parents can also promise to respond when children stop whining. Overall, authoritative parenting is a beneficial approach for children to develop self-awareness and emotional stability.
What is the healthiest co-parenting schedule?
50/50 parenting schedules are beneficial for children as they allow them to spend time with both parents, building close relationships and feeling cared for. This approach is easier due to the close proximity of parents, communication, and the child’s ability to handle switching between homes. Both parents prioritize the child’s best interest and agree on the best schedule for their child. Additionally, holiday or summer break schedules can be included in parenting time arrangements to make parenting time more equal.
A 50/50 schedule should address holidays and school breaks, allocate the right amount of time to each parent, and work for years to come. Overall, a 50/50 schedule is the most effective way to ensure a balanced and nurturing relationship for children.
What are the boundaries for parallel parenting?
Parallel parenting is an alternative to traditional co-parenting, allowing parents to fulfill their parenting responsibilities independently while minimizing interaction with each other. This model involves two separate parenting styles and minimal contact between parents, unlike traditional co-parenting which requires both parents to work together in raising their children. To create a successful parenting plan, clear guidelines, expectations, and communication structures must be established. Support systems should be utilized to ensure children’s stability, consistency, and protection from parental conflict during the transition to parallel parenting.
Parallel parenting is designed for high-conflict situations where traditional co-parenting is not feasible. It allows both parents to fulfill their parenting responsibilities independently, with minimal interaction and separate decision-making. This method can reduce parental conflict and enable the child to maintain a healthy relationship with each parent. It is essential to establish clear guidelines, expectations, and communication structures for a successful parenting plan.
What is the least effective parenting style?
Parenting styles are a complex and challenging task for parents, with each style having its own unique characteristics. Diana Baumrind identified three main parenting styles in the 1960s: authoritarian, authoritative, and permissive. In the 1980s, Stanford researchers Eleanor Maccoby and John Martin added the fourth style, neglectful, which is characterized by minimal interaction with children. The authoritative parenting style, which Baumrind believed was the most beneficial, is still in place today.
The effects of parenting styles on children’s development and their manifestation in adulthood are still a subject of heavy discussion in the psychology community. However, there are generally agreed-upon consequences of each parenting style, which can be difficult to measure due to their intangible nature. This article will explore the four parenting styles in more detail and discuss their potential consequences on children raised under them.
What is the most successful parenting style?
Diana Baumrind’s authoritative parenting style is considered the most beneficial as it balances structure and independence, allowing children to grow within reasonable boundaries and explore their abilities. Choosing the right parenting style can be a challenge for parents, whether raising alone or with a partner. Researchers have identified four main parenting styles: authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and neglectful. Baumrind later wrote a book on the authoritative parenting style, which she believed was the most beneficial.
The effects of parenting styles on children’s development and their manifestation in adulthood are still a subject of heavy discussion in the psychology community. However, there are generally agreed-upon consequences of each parenting style. These consequences can be difficult to measure due to their hard-to-quantify effects. In this text, we will explore the four parenting styles in more detail and discuss their potential consequences on children raised under them.
What is Coparent vs parallel parenting?
Parallel parenting is a model where parents spend time with their children independently, minimizing the risk of harmful interactions. It is different from co-parenting, which fosters joint interaction between parents and their children. Divorcing spouses often develop parallel parenting plans that minimize interaction between them. These plans can specify which parent will attend school events or soccer games. To establish a parallel parenting plan, parents must present arguments and evidence to the New Jersey court.
The plan should include legally-enforceable rules and requirements regarding issues such as speaking negatively about the other parent, using children as intermediaries for communication, decision-making authority, appropriate communication times outside of their children’s presence, and monitoring and scheduling communications with one parent during the other’s parenting time.
Developers may need to consider various issues when establishing a parallel parenting plan, and their divorce lawyer can help them negotiate a plan with their ex-spouse or stand up for their rights and interests in court.
What parenting style do psychologists prefer?
Diana Baumrind’s authoritative parenting style is considered the most beneficial as it balances structure and independence, allowing children to grow within reasonable boundaries and explore their abilities. Choosing the right parenting style can be a challenge for parents, whether raising alone or with a partner. Researchers have identified four main parenting styles: authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and neglectful. Baumrind later wrote a book on the authoritative parenting style, which she believed was the most beneficial.
The effects of parenting styles on children’s development and their manifestation in adulthood are still a subject of heavy discussion in the psychology community. However, there are generally agreed-upon consequences of each parenting style. These consequences can be difficult to measure due to their hard-to-quantify effects. In this text, we will explore the four parenting styles in more detail and discuss their potential consequences on children raised under them.
What is parallel parenting with a narcissist?
Parallel parenting is a parenting style where parents step back from their children’s lives to minimize conflict and avoid causing emotional harm. It is crucial to communicate with an ex with non-prosocial behavior disorder (NPD) and focus on facts rather than feelings. Therapy can be a helpful tool in parallel parenting, and it is essential to seek full custody when necessary. Dr. Suzanne Degges-White, a therapist with over 20 years of experience, specializes in counseling for trauma, transitions, anxiety, depression, and relationship issues.
📹 What NOT to Say When Negotiating Your Parenting Plan with Attorney Susan Guthrie
If you have minor children and are getting a divorce or have separated from your children’s other parent if unmarried, then you will …
As I am going thru my custody dispute with my ex-girlfriend I find it a little disheartening how many of these articles assume the man to be the narcissist. I truly hope this doesn’t happen in my trial as I am being accused of being the narcissistic “bad” parent constantly by my ex. Its crazymaking trying to defend myself against so many false accusations, most of which are just projections of her own behavior. “I’m doing this and its your fault because you are a narcissist” etc., is something I’ve dealt with since my son was born and it wears me out constantly defending myself against the attacks on my character, efforts to ruin my reputation, with holding contact with my son (violating our temporary custody order), denigrating me to our son, and everything else you would expect from a textbook narcissist. When she started resorting to physical violence in efforts to provoke me so she could justify a restraining order (hit me in front of our son (2years old) and calls the police to file reports saying i hit her despite me recording our altercations to prove what really happened due to the constant threats of “i’ll call the cops and tell them you hit me and you’ll never see your son again”) I felt like there was nothing else that I could do but separate. My research confirms this- its just a little discouraging how often my research has presumed the father to be the narcissist as I am preparing for my day in court.. Some articles are neutral, but I haven’t found many that presume the mother to be the narcissist- and that seems to be a social stigma of some sort that I pray doesn’t exist in the subconscious of the people in charge of deciding what my son’s future is going to look like.
Didn’t realize there was a way to coparent with a narcissist, these articles have helped me tremendously and I’ve only discovered these a few days ago so instead of binge perusal netflix I’m perusal these info articles. Noticed I am doing most of what is said but now I have the confidence that I’m doing the right thing rather than doubting my every move. Thank you
Ohhhhh gawddd…..this is so true. From birthday parties to doctor appointments…it’s truly disgusting. He likes to think it’s a competition but I still have yet to find out where it’s at. Lol. He’s “happy Funtime dad” and I’m just mommy. The narcissist is truly a despicable human being not capable of raising a decent human being. Just remember; DONT ASK DONT TELL; do not offer information…they will just bs, reload, then adjust aim back at you. Unless it’s an absolute emergency and even then…think twice. I recommend checking out Dr. Sam Ravkin (sp?); he offers great advice on communication with a narcissist. Just remember that it’s never about you; it’s about the projection of themselves onto you. Here’s to peace ✌️
My ex takes anything sentimental that my son brings over there when he “disciplines” him. For example, when my son was little my mom brought him to the store to get me a gift, my son chose a sequin pillow. My son wanted to bring it to his dad’s one weekend, and in front of his dad I told my son to make sure to take care of it and bring it back because it is really special to me. Within 15 minutes of being at his house, his dad took the pillow because he did something wrong It took me a month to get it back 🙄 Co parenting with him has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life
Hey there! This article about parallel parenting is spot on if you’re co-parenting with a narcissist. It can be tough to co-parent with someone who has NPD, but parallel parenting can be a lifesaver. This method allows you to disengage from your ex and focus solely on parenting your children, without getting caught up in their manipulative tactics.
Maybe use neutral pronouns…Im a male survivor of an narcissistic ex that was extremely abusive and controlling of myself and my child…so although males are predominantly the narcissist, maybe don’t strictly refer to narcissists as “he” as it’s triggering to men who are victims of narcissistic ex women.
in my case its a her. its been 10 years of trying to coparent with her. ive sought therapy for a couple years now to try to cope with this. the court papers dont matter, they dont work. ultimately its her way or im the monster/bad father. (even though ive had primary custody since she was 2) i feel so bad for our daughter. it tears me to pieces that we cant all just live a peaceful life. now shes turning our daughter against me.
Just wanted to say thank you for the article. I’m coming to the end of a divorce with a narcissist and seeing that he’s not getting his way, he’s went as far as calling child protective services with ludicrous accusations. I’ve had to learn a few of these tips the hard way and you are absolutely spot on. Some of the things you mentioned like not letting him know about school activities, etc. are hard for me to agree with but I would have thought all of these were wild before experiencing it firsthand. Since you were so accurate with the rest, I’ll just take your word for it instead of the hard way this time. 🤣 It’s good to have an unbiased outside perspective and I appreciate this more than you know. ❤️
In the early stages of my separation from my covert nex and learning about narcissism at the same time, I told him about wanting to take our daughter to a drive thru zoo. Lo and behold a few weeks later, the devil takes her himself, then sends me pictures of them at the zoo. Upon asking him if that was the same zoo I wanted to take her to, he replied with an insincere apology for stepping on my toes, and gave me first dibs at taking her to the aquarium instead. It was more confirmation for me of just how evil these hollow souls are. I learned very quickly that day to never share another thing with him about our plans. Why can’t they all be cast to hell now? 🤨
My granddaughter’s father is a narcissist. He left my daughter while she was pregnant And only saw my granddaughter sporadically for 4 years even though he could come and see her whenever he wanted. Now He decided he wants joint custody And is using my granddaughter as a pawn. He is lonely and always wanted my daughter to be in the rotation. Whenever she wouldn’t do what he wanted, he would say that he was going to take her to court for joint custody. This happened 3 times and this time it’s gotten so far as to where my granddaughter now has to spend 2 days and one night with him every week. She’s never slept anywhere but my house or her mom’s house and she is really struggling. Really struggling. We just found out that she has autism, sensory processing disorder and adjustment disorder . Transitions are very difficult and and she is regressing instead of making progress. The therapists for some reason can’t make recommendations To the court. They can only answer the questions from the guardian ad litem, who also doesn’t care about the child’s mental health or best interest. These narcissists have a terrible effect on all people who they have relationships with as well as their children. My granddaughter’s voice will will not be heard and and she must suffer with this Until at at least the age of 14 when she can tell the judge how she feels. I hear her screaming blood curdling screams And see her getting physically ill And starting to Hit herself in the head and no one will help.
I tried the friendly co parenting thing when we first separated. That didn’t last longer than about a month and I quickly realized it would not work and was counterproductive to separating from him. He got aggressive and entitled about wanting a key to my place and started refusing to pick the kids up if I didn’t give him a key so he can wait at my house to pick them up instead of picking them up from school because that was supposedly easier for him and he felt he was doing ME a favor by picking up his own kids on certain days. So he said me not giving him a key was me using the kids as a pawn. When we’d try to go to outings together he always picked an opportunity to slide in some type of jab or insult before he left. Or he’d stop me at the end of the event and tell the kids to go into another area and start up an argument with me about our relationship and why I’m so wrong for not wanting to be with him and literally hold me and the kids up for hours so he could argue with me. I literally almost passed out a couple of times because of the way he was hounding me and how overwhelmed I got when he stopped me. I was DONE. Now I keep communicating to bare minimum.
He has asked me to not pack clothes for our daughter, claiming he will be buying her clothes at his house with his new gf. This is after he told the family court he does not have money to pay for her developmental needs. It buffles me how he would rather spend money on clothes she has when we need the money for her speech therapy and her schooling. But I have decided to oblige and create a happy home for her when she is at my home.
I have been seperated for over 8 years and divorced almost as long. I truly thought we could coparent and have tried anything and everything. The belitting has started up again and it made me feel like we are back at square one. So i started looking up how to coparent with a narcissist. And your article came up. You actually have said just about everything my husband has told me to do. I thought by doing that i was taking away from my kids. But more so than anything now that I’m pregnant I just want to keep my self as stressed as little as possible. And my exhusband has been going out of his way to stress me out. I just can’t take it any more and am willing to try anything to get me to a safe space in my own life. Mainly especially away from him. I have blocked him and he is allowed to communicate with my husband. He knows this and my husband has been incredible about me not allowing the stress on myself. I will be perusal whatever articles you have on this matter so I can continue to keep my self sane. I appreciate you putting this out there because this is the first I’ve ever heard of this!
I wish I could not bother myself with what goes on at the other house but they are flat out neglecting all of my daughters emotional needs and trying to convince my daughter she is out of control and has all these anger issues that she doesn’t. She is just mirroring them to survive, at my house I literally couldn’t imagine getting a better child. She is an amazing little 9 year old and as sweet as they come. It’s heart breaking. The other night it was girl guides night and it’s my week so I had my daughter and we realized we forgot her sneakers and she only had on her big bulky winter boots on. We didn’t have time to go back to my house but girl guides is close to her mothers so I asked if we could come get a pair of sneakers from her house. She give my request a thumbs up so we stopped in, I stayed in the car and my daughter went in to get her sneakers. My daughter comes out 5 mins later in tears saying they were yelling at her and upset with her. Her mother wouldn’t just give her her sneakers and let her go no my daughter wasn’t allowed to keep her winter boots too if she wanted to take her sneakers. My daughter explained to her mother that it was supost to snow tomorrow and she really wanted her boots for school. She was forced to choose between the boots or sneakers her mother couldn’t give up control of both the sneakers and the boots. It did snow the next day and my daughter had to wear sneakers In The snow storm. The drama is unbelievable. I am a broken man but she won’t be happy until I’m dead.
We don’t have the first right of refusal in our agreement. I’ve never needed him to help on my time, but have a conference to go to during my time, and I asked if he would be able to switch three days with me. I told him if he couldn’t, my mother had offered to travel and watch him. He said he couldn’t, and that I didn’t need to be making plans when I have him, and that if I left our son with anyone, he would he would show up with a constable and a TRO and take him, and he’d be taking me to court for full custody. He’s been incessantly texting me for 24 hours straight, apparently scheduled a dental today appointment for our son on the first day of my conference and said I had to take him and he had prepaid for it, just long paragraph after paragraph of insults and demands that I answer or the “gloves are coming off”. It’s insane. It has been like this for six or seven years now and is sucking the life out of me.
Thanks for clarifying the “access to information” .. he does have access so your right, I will not be informing him of PTC or anything else. I did just send him the letter to our daughters stepping up ceremony but going forward I will just leave the calendar in her bag and he can find out himself. Thanks for that because I am not his secretary and should not have to inform him on school shit
Courts neither understand nor support this. Trust me I tried…and ended up getting charged with “criminal contempt of the custody order, because I didn’t ask his permission to enroll my children, who live with me full time, except every other weekend, in a private school. Narca want control and they will stop at nothing, including punish you for not following the custody order to the “t” in order to achieve said control.. I now have to answer text messages within 2 hours or my ass goes to jail. Good luck peeps. This advice- though well intended, will not work
Do you have any resources for parallel parenting when the child is small? I’m fine with sharing information on a need to know basis. However I am left wondering what am I supposed to do when there is a 2 year old? There is a greater need for communication between the parents when children are younger. Thank you for your help
What if my ex is completely still stuck on the vendetta of destroying me. She tries to get the kids to say I abuse them. She grills them about what goes on at our house. She post things on social media about abuse she suffered “at my hand” that never happened, but the kids see that. I have primary custody. I’m considering hiring a lawyer for supervised visitation. Is that my only option for this situation?
Please help. Im in the uk. He took our daughter and told me i could see her 3 hours on a thursday and 3 hours on sundays. I accepted this for a year before i said enough is enough. She cries when i leave, she needs me more, she’s 5, and she’s comfort eating. He’s refused mediation, so now its going to court, hes stopped me from seeing her because im a recovering alcoholic. (Im 9 months sober). I miss her so much and i know she will be missing me. Hes putting his feelings of hatred for me, over my daughters feelings, and what she wants. X
Wow this really opened my eyes to my husbands ex!!! I have tried for 5 years and now I know why coparenting has not been working out I’m not a fan that this is geared toward the male being the issue. I am seeing this first hand and everything is geared toward the woman being right and the male isn’t. Parenting is not 50/50 at all, that’s a lie.
Amazing content, thank you so much, I’m going through a sad situation with my ex who is a narcissist and he doesn’t care about my son, is just about him and his family plus give him ideas about what he should do in this sharing custody, how many days we are with our son, is so horrible and draining. Please how can I learn to separate the emotion from what he is trying to do? Thank you again.
It’s like you perfectly explained my current situation with my narcissist ex husband… Which the main problem I have is that he uses his girlfriend to get under my skin… She’s the female version of a narcissist. How do I keep from engaging with her when she’s also picking at my kids and he’s allowing her to use them to get under my skin?
Hi there i definitely got alot from perusal this article. Im actually in a predicament where my child is at her fathers on his time right now and he txted me telling me we need to dicuss some things to do with our teenage daughter and she wants to say things she cant say to me herself without him present. How do i decline this? I feel like im walking right into a trap but also i feel like i need to be there to hear what she has to say, and fear that she will tell me shes not be coming home and wants to stay with these narcs (stepmother is the female version of him). Please help 🙏🙏
My baby’s father comes around whenever he wants. Which is hardly at all. Our child is incredibly sick, and he knew that from the time I was 3 at least months pregnant. He has put me through turmoil like hell. He was okay in the beginning when my son was born, but he hated how I always made decisions for him. Even though he was hardly at the hospital as our son has a heart condition which is life long. He got put on child support due to Medicaid. And now tries to manipulate by telling me I “HAVE TO TELL HIM.” When he’s not realizing that no, he has THE RIGHT TO KNOW. Long story short, I tried working with him in the beginning. And he was hardly around. Only came around when it was suitable for him. Then would say how he felt “lost” when he came up, as if that’s my fault? He has never even changed our sons diaper. He’s now 7mo and dad has not once checked on him since November. He has a new supply, so I’m sure that has to do with it. But he’s so ugly, manipulative and hateful. I’m trying to love myself and do this, but he chooses not to check in. Idk how that’s my fault when I don’t give him information when he KNOWS the diagnosis of our son. Now I’m just trying to ignore him and work on me and my son.
The ex-narc Disney dad (literally, he’s taken her there twice) has bought our 5th grade (only child) daughter a very expensive smartphone with unlimited everything. She was in 4th grade when he first got her a phone and this was an upgrade. At his house, he has tablets, kindles, all kinds of streaming services and technology, custom painted bedroom, a specialty bread dog from the breeder costing over $1000…you get the picture. But what do I do about the phone? She is way too young to have a phone…I mean I get the safety thing that it’s good to have one, but this type and this young? Also, she has tons of pictures and articles on it and it would devastate her to take that away. At one point I turned off the data and now we turned it back on because she needed it and i forgot to turn it back off. I’m not sure what to do. If i get rid of it, it will devastate her and unleash the narcissistic storm on me. What’s the best thing to do here? I’m sorry, I really have not had anyone to ask this question to.
You can easily get the information you want from a child, while it’s also easy to protect information you don’t want your ex to have. My ex who’s a covert narc and RP has two kids from two different dads, this means her romantic life is likely to be very unstable throughout her life. She has no choice but to have the sleuth of men who will “date” her (strangers) come to her house, which is a huge concern for my son’s welfare. I never have any of my women around when my kids are there. Therefore it’s important for me to acquire information to eventually gain full custody through court proceedings, which she can’t afford.
Thankyou so much!!! I’ve had to in force no contact (just between me and the narcissist) for the last 8 years…. He’s currently decided to stop paying child support (because he’s unhappy with their assessment) and because I’ve put in a formal complaint he’s kicking off at my family telling them I’m evil and a liar.
My narcissist wants to pop in and out when he feels. I’ve tried to set a schedule he doesn’t want to adhere to one.Just pop in and out to basically see what we’re doing and put in his unnecessary destructive criticism. I’m at the point now where I’m going no contact. If his real intention is to get his child he can go to court. He still has not.
I was trying to co-parent with my narcissistic ex-husband. Which was not working out, and that’s when I discovered parallel parenting. You’re my first article finding out about it. My problem with my ex-husband is when we were supposed to tell each other about our two weeks with our child in the summer time I gave information of where I was going and how long of that two weeks. My ex-husband had not giving me any information and it was very worrisome because I wasn’t sure what was going to happen to my child he is 12 years old however he’s more like a 10 year old. Just a few days ago my ex-husband forced my child to eat overcooked microwave chicken nuggets that were hard and might had a small amount of plastic. My son later that night called me crying he said he almost threw up three times and his dad told him not to that he was being ridiculous. The chicken also was from his backpack lunch from a summer camp which had been sitting in there all day. I know I have to let go but it’s so difficult when you hear your child crying and saying they got sick and being force to eat something that is hard and barely can chew it.
I must agree with ToPKNO25. I am a mother perusal her son go through co-parenting with a narcissist. It is absolutely heartbreaking. It is more heartbreaking that many professionals and the legal system automatically assume it’s the man/father that is the problem. When are parents going to be judged based on their relationship with their child and not just because she’s a woman. My son is an amazing father. I wish I could say the same for his narcissistic ex-wife. Shame on the medical and judicial system.
I found your information to be good, but towards the end the information seems directed to the custodial parent who in general gets the bulk of the information. Their are a lot of Alienated Parents that are not Custodial Parents, and the information you are providing almost certainly provides the best ammunition for the Narcissistic Custodial Parent as a weapon. This is such a hard process for everyone involved except the narcissist. Thank you for trying to help those that are struggling through these hardships.
I researched and tried to implement this mostly because I was never married to my ex, nor lived with him BUT the court essentially allowed him to force his way into access to information that has my personal information (financial, schedule, history ) attached to it. They force me to give him information going on in my life that has nothing to do with the well-being of our child. It’s frustrating to learn that the parties involved can be aggravating to the situation and enabling narcissistic control in which now he has become more aggressive and blatant in the control.
I agree with the information and advice, but you shouldn’t assume the narcissist is the man… In many cases, like mine, the woman was the narcissist. Assuming the bad guy is the man is the main reason why this situations are so difficult and unfair for responsible and loving fathers, everyone is already biased and women can get away with almost anything, they only need to cry a little, while men have to fight for the right even to be heard.
What do I do if my narcissistic ex asks me for the non-essential details of our child’s life (the details you said we should keep to oursekves). What type of response can I give him? Ex: He asks me to give him and share with him the homeschooling things I do with our daughter. I’d be willing to, if he wasn’t a narcissist.
I like this article and the information in it but it feels very female centric and, although I understand why, men aren’t the only narcissists. I just wanted to politely suggest maybe using “he or she” or something like that so that it’s not so glaringly obvious that it’s made mainly for women and not all genders. Thanks again for the article!
Wonderful advice I deal with a narcissist woman that is my ex-wife and she always threatens with the children always got to have it her way and this is great advice that I’m going to take now my wife now told me to take this advice that you gave me and I will thank you for the advice but I’m not being mean but there’s a lot of women out there that does the same thing and a lot of men so it should be him or her instead of just him but I must subscriber now
My ex ghost me all the time when it comes to our children. She is very manipulative, and it seems every time I try to be a “co parent” it seems to backfire. The state I live in (Texas) grants mother custodial parent even though on our papers it states joint custody. It’s 70/30 and I feel like when dealing with the courts my hands are tied. I hope our children will eventually see the toxicity because not only does my ex portray these traits, my ex’s mother and her grandmother, which whom she stays with portrays the same. Through out our 7 yrs I found out she had been calling MY family behind my back and describing me as this horrible person to them. It’s very heartbreaking but I have learned the time I am ALLOWED with my children, I make it all about them and our relationship. Thank you for your article! Stay blessed! 🙏
Thank you. I tried third my daughter was 5 at the time. She would come home feeling like she was a burden on her father and started to exhibit and question her self worth. I can only assume, well I asked her she said it was because her daddy would moan about how much it was costing him to come and visit her. Since then she had expressed that she is scared of him and doesn’t want to see him. I have honoured that as I very much feel children are very intuitive and guided by their own feelings about people situations etc. however her father is having any of this and I’d now threatening to cut off child maintenance if he doesn’t see her. It is so difficult.
Clearly she’s only addressing the MEN when now & days there are more females hurting kids just to get that “Support” a.k.a childsupport. “They” put up a fight where it’s not needed when “He” us(men) want 50/50 to RAISE girls/boys w an equal opportunity & time…Next article where there’s better “nouns” used
1st right of refusal….my son is 6. He is not a child that has been “babysat” throughout his 6 years of life. Along with his father doesn’t friends or family that would be someone that should be babysitting a 6 yea old… at least for a 9 hour work day. But he does have an older brother 13… 8 years older, that is ADHD and a full time article gamer. My year old recently told me- he pulled a piece of his brothers hair, messing with him, and he told our 6 year old F*** you! and hit him. Along with a history of putting his hands n younger children, snatching things out of others hands. This makes me feel that i MUST put in 1st right of refusal into the parenting plan. Please, any further words of advice? I know big brothers will do these things, but i have never felt that the 2 boys have ever had a “brotherly love” relationship.
My child is 5 and his (narc) father lives a few states away. He doesn’t call anymore since I told him I didn’t want him back. He came to visit once and it was to try and win me back. He texts our child and I have told him repeatedly that our son can’t read yet. He continues to send these messages that a 5 year old wouldn’t even understand about how he was robbed of our child’s upbringing and he has to go through me to talk to him suggesting that I am not letting them talk when I’m fact he doesn’t call. These messages are manipulative, grandiose, ridiculous and really meant to jab at me. How do I stop this from continuing?
Please don’t be biased with the approach that a narcissist is a “he”. Because of this biased perspective it makes me definitely not want to subscribe to this website, or that your points of view will be beneficial and supportive of me and other men who are survivors of “female” narcissists. I was unfortunately married to one for 5 years not knowing in full that she is a narcissist. I’ve now been divorced (I filed) from her for three years and had no idea that the divorce and way that “she” handled our children would be as bad as it was either. -Someone that was wise enough to leave “her” in order to be a better “him”.
Your website might do much better if you stop referring to the male as the narcissistic one in the relationship. You probably have a lot of knowledge and insight to offer but you come across very subjective. Almost as if your venting to your girlfriends of your personal experiences as opposed to offering knowledge about this particular topic.
It really sucks that you decided to use gender to explain your examples … your obviously directly targeting and talking to the female and maybe even the feminine male hence (hundreds of women and a handful of men .) Seems bias because you mention what to do about your narcissist like a professional would do but then that narcissist has to be him and he. If you would just please observe how this message is great advice for both female and male and the scenario you laid out can be role swapped for either gender. But you as a teacher coach consultant choose to roast men. You could have replaced gender specification with empath and narcissist.
The only thing I believe is incorrect is sharing information about the child. Its truly for the child. Right now we try to parallel parent because my husbands ex wife is always manipulating situations, moving the goal post and steal our thunder. She literally told her daughter about our engagement. She also distorts facts and puts her own narrative on things. Bc she has his daughter m-f she also refused to tell him about doctors appointments or information he asks about. It’s wrong. She signed her up for extracurricular activities and doesn’t tell him. Sometimes we find out through his daughter. You should never make the other parent probe the child for information. It’s incorrect. Sorry but judges frown upon that.