In summary, it is essential to understand that husbands should help with housework, but there are several ways to overcome this issue. One way to do this is to discuss priorities, anticipate roadblocks, and create a list of chores each partner hates to do. Agree on a timetable, touch base on a plan each week, and keep reevaluating.
When hiring help, be specific and straightforward with requests, treating your husband like an adult and discussing the problem clearly. Make lists, switch roles, give him an ultimatum, and don’t criticize his efforts. Cater to his interests and avoid micromanaging.
To communicate with your husband to recruit help, schedule a date to discuss chores and communicate your pain, not your anger. Make a list of responsibilities and share them, hold him down with fun and conversation, and have an honest conversation about your feelings and what you need from him. Be specific about the chores and explain why it’s necessary.
In summary, understanding priorities, preparing for roadblocks, agreeing on a timetable, and reevaluating can help you get your husband to help with household chores without nagging.
📹 How To Get Husband To Do Chores Without Nagging
Nobody likes to be nagged nor does anyone like to be judged. Here are 5 ways to stop judging and start creating a more positive …
How to get a lazy husband to help around the house?
Communication and honesty are crucial in any relationship. If you feel your husband isn’t contributing enough, express your feelings and use “I” statements to discuss your frustrations. Tell him what you need, such as being more active together, helping with cleaning, running errands, or picking up the kids.
Kelli Miller, a psychotherapist and wikiHow Brand Ambassador, provides guidance on communicating feedback to your husband. Laziness isn’t always a black and white issue; your husband may be going through something personal or hit a mental block. After expressing your concerns, offer him support by listening actively and asking questions.
In summary, communication and honesty are essential in any relationship, and expressing your feelings can help your husband fix his lazy ways.
Do people divorce over chores?
Household chores are becoming a common reason for couples to file for divorce, with 25% of recently divorced people citing disagreements over housework as the primary reason for the dissolution of their marriage. However, paying for free time, such as hiring a housecleaner, may not prevent divorce in all couples. Research suggests that paying for free time only makes people happier in certain circumstances, and only if the majority of stressors are controllable.
If household chores are the major stressor in the marriage, buying time to clean the house is likely to make people happier. However, if stressors are not controllable, paying someone else to do the chores is less likely to prevent divorce.
Are husbands supposed to help with housework?
To share housework, avoid asking for help and instead, focus on dividing the responsibilities. This will ensure a happy marriage and prevent domestic disorder. Set priorities as a couple and prioritize what is truly important to each partner. If one partner is comfortable with a messy home and the other is not, compromise is necessary. It’s best to choose priorities rather than trying to satisfy both partners completely. This approach will help maintain a healthy balance in the household and promote a harmonious relationship.
What is the miserable husband syndrome?
Miserable Husband Syndrome, also referred to as Irritable Male Syndrome, is a condition characterized by hypersensitivity, anxiety, frustration, and anger in men due to decreased testosterone levels resulting from the aging process, the use of certain medications, or elevated stress levels.
What is the walkaway wife syndrome?
Walkaway wife syndrome is a condition where a wife becomes emotionally disconnected and dissatisfied with her marriage, often after years of resentment. This decision is not impulsive, but rather a result of feeling neglected and unhappy within the relationship. Identifying warning signs of walkaway wife syndrome can help address the root issues and potentially save the marriage from the same fate. One of the most common signs is a stark emotional withdrawal from the marriage, with the wife feeling distant and disconnected from her partner.
What is the lonely wife syndrome?
Walkaway wife syndrome is a term used to describe a sudden and unexpected separation from a deteriorating marriage, often resulting from feelings of loneliness, neglect, and resentment. This often occurs after years of unresolved conflict, leading to a divorce. The wife, having taken time to consider all her options and prepare mentally, emotionally, and financially, decides it’s futile to leave the marriage after unsuccessful attempts to resolve their relationship issues. This sudden and emotional separation can shock family and friends and shock the other spouse.
What is a silent divorce?
Silent or invisible divorce refers to a situation where a married couple remains legally married but ends their emotional and physical relationship, living separate lives under the guise of a normal marital relationship without the formal process of a legal divorce. This can involve minimal interaction or leading completely separate lives while maintaining the legal status of marriage. Identifying these signs can be challenging, as they often emerge slowly over time.
Key indicators of a silent divorce include a lack of communication, which can turn shared dreams and emotions into mundane tasks. Identifying these signs is crucial for couples to address the issues in their relationship or begin the healing process of legal separation.
What is the walk away wife syndrome?
Walkaway wife syndrome is a condition where a wife becomes emotionally disconnected and dissatisfied with her marriage, often after years of resentment. This decision is not impulsive, but rather a result of feeling neglected and unhappy within the relationship. Identifying warning signs of walkaway wife syndrome can help address the root issues and potentially save the marriage from the same fate. One of the most common signs is a stark emotional withdrawal from the marriage, with the wife feeling distant and disconnected from her partner.
How do I get my husband to help with housework?
To help your husband become more comfortable with household chores, set an example by consistently doing your own chores. This shows commitment to sharing the workload and may inspire him to do more. Create a schedule that works for both of you, considering work schedules and other commitments. Show appreciation for each other’s efforts by thanking your husband when he helps with household chores. Positive reinforcement can encourage good behavior and help your husband adjust to the new routine.
How do I deal with a messy lazy husband?
To deal with a lazy husband, show him that he is your hero and that you can’t function without him. Let go of the threatening attitude, appreciate and positivity, ask about preferred chores, lower expectations and compromise, use positive reinforcement, and set goals together. It’s crucial to observe and analyze your partner’s habits, as it can be a mistake if you married someone who displays sloppy behavior most of the time.
There are five common reasons why husbands are perceived as lazy, and understanding these can lead to better communication and solutions within relationships. Understanding these reasons can help you better communicate and resolve issues within your relationship.
What to do when your partner doesn’t help with chores?
Marriage consultant Sheri Stritof suggests several steps couples can take to divide household chores effectively. These include learning about priorities, discussing what is important to each partner, anticipating roadblocks, agreeing on a timetable, establishing a weekly plan, reevaluating, and hiring help. Stress levels in the home can increase when household chores are not allocated fairly. Sharing household responsibilities is considered one of the top three things that make marriage successful, followed by shared interests and a satisfying sexual relationship.
To divide household chores equally, couples should learn about priorities and discuss what is truly important to each partner. Compromise and find a solution that will satisfy both partners. Discuss opinions on home cooked meals, paying bills, differences in cleaning methods, and making the bed. This will help both partners understand what each person feels is important and work together to find a solution that benefits both parties. Feedback on weekly question and answer articles is appreciated, as the evaluation will only take 3 minutes or less.
📹 Five SECRETS to get your Husband to Clean the House
Do you have tips or tricks that help to get your spouse and kids to pick up after themselves and help clean the house? Let me …
As my 3 sons were early teen/tweens, I realized that they knew how to do all the chores and they would do them fairly reliably, if not cheerfully, when told or assigned, but what I also realized was that I was creating men who would be great ‘honey-doers’ and not good partners. So I changed my approach. We went to ‘Contribute 20 Minutes to the Needs of the Household Each Day.’ In this way they had to look around and identify what needed to be done and take care of it, and isn’t that what all adults need to be able to do? It took coaching. Eventually we got there and then I didn’t even have to ask if they’d put in their contribution, they just became contributing members who had good attitudes.
For the first 8+ years of our marriage my husband used to get out of the shower, dump his towel on MY side of the bed and then “forget” it, so then when I got into bed at night the sheets would be damp. I tried reminding, nagging, getting angry, being super sweet, I even tried just silently picking it up and hanging it up properly. Nothing worked. One day I just started picking it up and chucking it onto his side of the bed. I did it for a week or two, he almost never does it now. 🤣
I am the 7th daughter of 8 girls. My mom is such a hard worker and always super busy. One way that I could get positive attention and words of affirmation (my love language) was whenever she had to leave the house to run errands I would bust tail and clean the house. I would scrub the floors, dust, even put out wild flower arrangements. I would stay up late on the weekends and surprise her with a clean kitchen the next morning or organize the cupboards. She would literally scream with joy, clap her hands and give me the biggest hugs! 🥹 I still do this to surprise my kiddos with clean bedrooms and my husband with a clean shed. I give them a gift of a clean space and their reaction is my gift! ☺️
We have 3 kids, and my husband and I identified 3 things that need to be done on a daily basis: pet care, trash, and bathrooms. They each get assigned one “chore” each month and we rotate through. Giving them a month gives them time to practice the job and work out a schedule that works for them. It’s easy for me to manage! As a bonus they understand that we really rely on them to get these things done, which makes them feel like important contributors to our family life. ❤
I wished I was getting more praise for all the stuff I did at home while my husband was at work, so I started asking for the praise! When he gets home, I make my work visible, I’ll say look! I cleaned the living room and organized the kids toys so I could vacuum! And he’ll say oh nice, it looks great! And now, after a lot of practice, when he comes home and sees the floors clear, my husband tells me how good it looks. Ask for the praise you want, and you will probably get it!
My husband and I made a list of all the chores that had to get done around the house. We then took that list and went over it together and told eachother what we hate to do. Turns out the tings I hated to do were things he didn’t mind and things he hated were things I don’t mind doing. So for example I hate doing laundry but I don’t mind folding it and putting it away. He hates doing the dishes but I don’t mind doing the dishes at all. Now we get to do the chores our spouse hates to do and we feel better about it because not only do we each not mind doing them but it helps our spouse not have to do something they hate. All the chores get done and no one is left feeling like they have to do something the dislike doing. It has really helped keep our house clean.
I have definitely used the “pay to play” method with my oldest son, but I used it when he needed a ride to see friends. This may be bad, but one time I told him I couldn’t drive him because I had chores to do. I told him that if he helped, I’d be done sooner so I could drive him. It worked like a charm! After that, he’d come to me and list all the chores he had done that day before asking for the ride (or the car keys). It works for me
Ironically, I had already planned on calling a family meeting. I need my two stay at home college kids to really help out or pay rent. I don’t want to yell & get crazy. Being a single mom, getting no child support & earning below the poverty level I just need them to help out. I was living on my own at 20 since my mom was always yelling at me. I want them to succeed in school but they also need to help manage our home.
In our home, once our two boys got five years old, they had to do their own laundry. We bought them sets of sheets for their beds and towels in their own colors (not to mix them up) Then they had their own shelves in our linen closet. So, when it was laundry time, it included their bedding,sheets, and their towels. Each one has a certain day of the week and they would automatically change out their bedding and do all of their laundry. This was a big time saver for our family, since we had our own business which the kids worked at too. I just didn’t want to raise any helpless men. Faster forward my boys are 33 & 35 and their wives thank me, because even now they do laundry and help with home chores as needed. I truly believe the trick is to start them young.
I found this article really interesting, because my boyfriend and I grew up in such different environments. I was taught how to take care of myself and family by my whole family – chores together at the family cottage, my Mom taking the time to teach me and show me time after time – she was incredibly patient. My boyfriend, on the other hand, grew up with ‘that’s not how you do that, that’s not good enough, etc’. He was also ignored a lot, and left alone a lot, and he learned that if he plays quietly, he won’t have to do anything. It’s a lot of work to turn that ship around, but we’re working on it. On a funny note, I told him about the clutterbugs, and he goes ‘you are a bee, I am not surprised. You bumble over here, you bumble over there’. I tell him he’s a butterfly, but instead of pollinating flowers, he pollinates piles of clutter around the apartment 😁
My kids have daily chores. Every Saturday is household day: I write a list of chores on paper and every family member has to do some of them. My husband cooks, I clean the kitchen afterwards, the kids vacuum the flat and so on. It is very satisfying to check off the chores with your initials and see who has done the most. The kids get quite competitive.
When we were first married, my husband would leave the febreeze bottle on my dresser every night after he got home from work. I would ask nicely repeatedly for him to put it back. What finally worked? I stuck a post-it note on the bottle that said, “Dear X – Would you bring me back to the laundry room? I miss my friends. Love, Febreeze”. He has never again left the bottle out. and yes my husband and I are both spewing old people things out of our faces!!
You didn’t mention it specifically but for anyone reading, body doubling is a known technique for motivating people with ADHD! I find I’m way more into cleaning if I have my husband nearby doing something similar, and even if our paths diverge, getting started is the executive functioning boost I need!
I definitely know that I had more responsibilities than my daughter does. I was the oldest of 9 kids, she is an only child. Understandably, there is far less work in a household of three than in a household of eleven. I don’t understand how she can relate to Cinderella while she fold her own laundry or picks up after herself though. lol
My husband apologizes for leaving his dishes on the counter, but I tell him I’m thankful he does. We BOTH know it actually saves me time. If he put them in the dishwasher, I’d have to rearrange them to my specifications, which takes far longer than if I simply move them from the counter into the dishwasher. I do thank him for clearing the table.😊
These are great, Cas. They are very similar to what I did when our children were young. They always had chores from the time they could crawl, putting their toys in the toy box. When they walked, I added their putting dishes in the bottom rack of the dish washer. Granted I’d have to move them later to the top rack when they were out of sight, but they learned from a very early age about what needed to be done in a home. In early elementary school, I read The Slob Sister’s Get Your Act Together and started using a modified version of their file card system. No more daily note making. We each had a colored card for Monday through Saturday chores. During school, it was snack during homework, then housework, before play. During school holidays it was breakfast and housework, before play. Never did they try to get out of their chores, because they learned from a very early age, it was part of being a family.
My daughter and her family began using a chore chart this fall – I’m on it as well, as I’m living here whilst my Grannie Flat is being constructed. The kids wanted a daily rotation, and she saw a tip of having cleaning baskets for the areas, with an overview of the tasks. Her husband is great at cleaning and decluttering – and so leads the way! He worked with his dad in a cleaning business in HS, and he cooks! I’ve been one of those rebels when in my own space – but love having a chore chart and designated task – and it helps the kids to see their paren’s’/ grammy’s names in the rotation. They are beginning to notice when someone missed doing their core the day before! (Especially when on ‘pets’ – who likes doing the cat box or cleaning up after dogs, lol!)
I live alone (with my dog, but she doesn’t really help out much) so every chore is my chore. The best way to get the motivation to get stuff done… is the stress of having company over 😂 If I know someone’s gonna visit me, I’ll work like hell to get my place tidied up. And it feels so good when I’m done! Yes, I still have rooms and closets where I’ve thrown all the stuff I didn’t have time to put away properly, but the main areas look and feel amazing.
I love these tips! I am so fortunate that my husband has always been willing to pitch in and help. And since I was a working mom, my kids were always expected to do their share. They may not have done it as I would have, and it took years for me to accept that a job done is done, perfect or not. Thanks for all your advice! Cas, we all become our parents at one point! I remember how my parents criticized the music of my generation and the performers (think Beatles, Rolling Stones, etc.) ! While perusal a recent music awards show, I found myself doing the same thing! And the clothes! I wore the hot pants, mini skirts, midriff shirts, bell bottoms, all the fads of the 60s and 70s. Yet I criticize the ripped jeans, the leggings worn as pants, and so forth! Yes. I have become my mother!🤣😂🤣😂😂
I actually tell not just my kids but other people how I walked a mile to school in the snow up hill both ways and laugh. I laugh because it’s true! My school was a mile away and I walked to school. I lived in CO, enough said. I lived on a street that when I walked out of the house I walked down a large hill. As soon as I got to the bottom of that hill I would start walking up another hill. So on returning from school I had that same area to walk. So I would walk down the hill and then begin to walk up the hill that my house was on the top of. So truth! 😂😂😂😂
I’m blessed that my husband helps me so much around the house especially with tidying and decluttering. But my secret is playing the “Hug Your Home” and the “30 Day Declutter Challenge” playlists from Clutterbug or Daily Connoisseur’s cleaning ASMR article! (Thanks, Clutterbug, for helping us get our house in order! You’re the best!)
I have 5 kids and they have a daily chore chart that we rotate each week. They are supposed to complete their job before playing with friends or doing screen time. The areas are vacuuming, taking out the garbage, kitchen cleanup, bathrooms, and dusting/glass cleaning/baseboards. It has worked for us for a lot of years. Those 12 and older do their own laundry as well.
Hi! I just discovered you last week. I wish I would have found you years ago. Your articles are so helpful! Like you, I tried everything. This year I have become an empty nester. I feel like I’m decluttering the aftermath of raising 2 boys. It does feel great to get rid of stuff! I look forward to donating to people who would appreciate things that I no longer need! I rather have someone use the items than have the items take up room in my house. Thank you so much for your content!!!
Here is my technique for getting my husband to put things away (usually laundry). I generally wash and fold the laundry. I used to put his, folded, in a basket for him…..then he would just live out of the basket instead of putting it away. It made me nuts. Now, I wash and fold and leave it neatly piled….but somewhere that he will HAVE to be, or want to be….like on his side of the bed. In order for him to go to bed he HAS tp put his clothes away. If I need him to see or deal with something, I put it on his dining room chair or the chair he watches tv in. I basically make it so that it inconveniences him NOT to move it or deal with it. I also usually frame it as “I put it there to make it easier for you to ________(whatever the desired outcome is) …and then he is appreciative instead of irritated. It has eliminated A LOT of dumb, redundant, and irritable conversation….and he feels like I am very considerate for preloading things for him. Win win.
Cas, you literally made me laugh out loud!! My kids are now 22 and 16, they definitely don’t do as much around the house as I did, but that is 100% my fault. I do worry for their future and this article gave me new hope. It’s never too late to teach them. New jobs per day starting tomorrow with lessons if needed!! (One thing that has always been consistent though is laundry, both boys have been doing their own since they were 10) And yes, I think I was pretty amazing growing up for all that I did, so I’m sure you were too 😉
Hi Cass Your ideas here are great. As a 12 year old I really grew up that summer because my mom was diagnosed with high blood pressure and was too exhausted to do much of anything. So, she supervised me from the couch when it came to cooking, cleaning and laundry. In later years the three of us would go out to dinner one night and plan as many meals as we could think of. I was an only child, so when I hear about kids fighting over whose turn it is to wash dishes or take out the trash, it really irritates me because I did all the kid jobs. And in the summer that included yard work. WOW. Now my kids are grown, my husband is deceased and I have to do it all again. I have had health issues this past year, but I try to keep up with the house cleaning and organizing. I just do what I can each day and be done with it.
That is so me Cas, probably worst than my mom. I’ve been asking God to change me and sometimes I do okay when I remember that kids will be kids and their brain is not mature yet until they are 25 or so. Good luck to all parents out there who are struggling! Hopefully our kids will do just fine someday when we are gone. Thank you Cas! I am organizing while listening to your articles. ❤️🙏
You are so funny, I say old people things too now and I don’t understand how/when this happened 😂😂🤦♀️🤷♀️ I definitely need the tips for the rebels in my home. My youngest is definitely the biggest one in our house. The tip about Praising my husband I’ve done that and he thinks it’s weird that I am thanking him for helping. I don’t know he is a complicated man. 🙃 Thanks for the tips Cass. Hope you have a wonderful day 💗
People don’t see it if it isn’t ultimately their responsibility. Assigning chores means they can see it. A shared understanding of what done properly means. Our preschool teacher sorted this for ever. She takes a photo of each area when it is clean, and attached the laminated photo to a lanyard. She then hands out the lanyards and the kids made that area look like the photo. I did the same, but put the photo inside the cupboard doors. Now each family member knows what clean looks like.
I’m SO glad I ran across this article today, bcs literally this was a day of begging, pleading, getting mad at kids for not helping… it’s so tough, I admit, I could do this all myself which is what I was shown as a child, but you’re so right, it’s exhausting. I love your tip about praising them…I forget that a lot…I needed to hear that. I’m wondering what anyone does if one kiddo works hard but the others don’t? How to show that one kiddo they’re appreciated? Yet not compare?
What worked for my family was making a list of what needs to be done. I would always include something fun we wanted to do together. Then together we would decide who did what. Including me. This was me and my two sons(starting when the kids were pretty young). We would set a certain amount of time and we would run around getting it done. This was the first thing we would do on Sat mornings and we would get the cleaning done and the kids LOVED signing off all the items on the list. We worked together as a team. I also always included the kids in all work errands etc. Including cooking, cleaning, gardening, DIY projects. I couldn’t imagine having to nag my kids constantly to do things. I think we need to raise our expectations.
This is great content. I’m the youngest of 5 children (and the favorite 😁 LOL, but I digress). But this is something my mother did. We all had specific chores. Dishes, Vacuuming upstairs, dusting downstairs, bathrooms, etc. It was very effective in our large house, and it made for good life lessons as well.
When our kids were in school, we were both working, the house got messy during the week. We had the 90 minute cleanup on Saturday morning. I would write stuff on a white board and everyone would pick one, do it, then another etc until the list was done to a max of 90 minutes. It never took 90 minutes because everyone wanted to be done quicker. Working all together was great, like you mentioned.
OMG I identified with so many of your statements. Yes, even the part of sounding like my mom and my kid not remotely doing the work I did. It was a moment of true gratification when my kid moved out and into an apartment with someone who was even more slipshod about housework than she was. She called me up one day just to say, “I GET IT now about the sticky dirty plates left all over the place.”
My husband wasn’t in great health before he died, so he didn’t vacuum or wash floors or do much pick up of stuff. He WAS, however, an amazing cook. He made dinner every night since I worked outside of the home and he didn’t. To make it better, he washed, dried, and put away all dishes, pots and pans, etc that he used while cooking! I was happy to do the remaining dishes after dinner because most of the work was already done. I loved to make Sunday brunch (especially when my grandson was 4 and 5 years old … He loved to help!) so that was my cooking time. We really enjoyed trying to make it easier on the other. Gosh, I miss him!! The first time I heard my mother’s words coming out of my mouth, I burst into tears because it was something I swore I would never say to my son. Of course it happened many more times, but that first time was hard!
Oh I love these ideas. Definitely going to try them! I also can relate to “acting like my parents” and hear their words and phrases coming out of my mouth 👏almost 👏every 👏day. It is so annoying at times but then again it makes good sense which even more annoying because now I have to admit they were right and possibly I was wrong 🤦🏼♀️ Adulting is strange and hard but you know what? I am here for it and going to embrace the fact that I am improving daily with some help from my parents 😊
All of these are great. I was perusal another page and what she said is really your specialty…systems. When the systems are broken, it will never be easy to keep up with the work. So when you delegate chores, consider the individual doing the chore and do your best to cope with their style. I think consistency will be easier than if the system fits you, but not them.
Thank you! I love this and have tried a few of these now because of your other articles, and they really do help! Two things I would add: 1. If you’re going to do a family cleaning session (especially a timed one) don’t start until everyone has gone to the bathroom, so they can’t use that as an excuse. 😆 2. If your rebels are little or have no idea what even needs to be done around the house, you may need to be VERY specific about which problems you are trying to solve and maybe even subtly offer multiple choice answers… “I’m really overwhelmed with ____, but I can’t figure out how to fix it. Maybe we could do (A, B or C), but I just don’t know which would work better. How do you think we should fix this?” Especially if you’re asking a younger child who doesn’t usually have much say, it can make them feel very empowered even when they’re too young to answer an open-ended questions about housekeeping realistically. You can absolutely still hear our their suggestions first, though. And that can actually make the discussion a little more fun. 🙂 “I love that idea, but I don’t have any lemurs, and I don’t think the zoo will lend us theirs, so I don’t know… I wonder if maybe all of us humans should tidy up the living room and dining room together for 2 songs, or you can put away this basket of clothes and you can put the toys back in their homes while I clear the table and load the dishwasher. Which one do you think would work better?”
Our chore chart started when we got our first foster child and my husband told me I needed to “let it go” (the stress of doing everything). So I pulled out a whiteboard, listed each person in our household and then started putting the chores under the name that did them. At the end I had 99% of the chores and work full time and was doing 95% of the child care. My husband had an epiphany for why I was constantly running around stressed and we split up the chores more evenly so I could have free time and they could take responsibility over themselves. 🙃 not being condescending is a constant struggle for me.
When my five children were small, they chose the job tasks that I labeled on popsicle sticks. When I called my family meeting, the first one to arrive, got to choose the popsicle sticks that they wanted. It was so funny because the one who stayed in bed, earned the dish pit which everyone loathed. All my children debated who would get the vacuuming job because they all wanted that popsicle stick job.
SPOT ON! Now that I am a grandma of 3, one that worked for us was allowance deductions. Allowances were fixed based on ages, a $ per year through 5th grade, $25 for unemployed people through college. Allowance was paid on my payday, twice a month. Undone chores were deducted on a set scale. $25 was plenty through muffle school but fostered job seeking as they matured. All 3 kids have great budgets skills as adults.
I love the “cookie method”! Not anti-feminist at all! Everyone needs encouragement and praise sometimes. Those mundane tasks that we all put off can be difficult to get started on especially when it seems like no one notices. The only thing I will say is to be careful not to condition others to expect a party every time they pick up a sock! 😂 I think once they’ve made good habits and learned why it’s important to notice a mess and pitch in then we can slowly back off on the “parties”. There won’t always be people in their lives as adults to do that for them. Thank you, Cas, for the great ideas you bring us each week! I’m excited to try some new techniques with my kids! Btw, Paige at Farmhouse Vernacular recently posted a article on a great chore chart that I love! I’m hoping to try it soon. She has a degree in, I believe, factory engineering or something of that nature so she talks a lot about efficiency in the home especially the kitchen.
Yes to Eve Rodsky, and that it’s so important to make sure partner and kids don’t think Mom = maid. My kids put their own laundry away (7/7/5) in tiny laundry baskets I put on the stairs. One feeds dog, one cat, all three help with table prep for dinner. Hubby and I went out to brunch and went through Fair Play deck. I assigned a couple of things that I absolutely haaate to his list, and we clairified how we share what we share so we avoid “RATS” (eg, I load dishwasher; he unloads – we’ve done this for 15 years). Perfect? No. But I’m a lot less frustrated with everything and everyone!
Tips # 1 and 2 help the most in my experience. Set a good example by cleaning yourself and delegating one task to someone to do everyday that takes 5-10 minutes, or have them set a timer and see how much they can get done in 3-5 minutes, and make a game out of how much can get done if you all pitch in together. This was so fun for me, and we used it in college when having a team challenge of accurately putting away files. It was a great bonding activity for teammanship as well. ETA: I second the dry erase chore chart where it’s visual and separated by day or by day and name of who is in charge of each task. For those of us who are visual/have distraction tendencies, this helps us to know what’s expected of us. Also, doing the chore properly with them so they can observe, then do with supervision, then do on their own, is super rewarding. Lastly, getting the kids to participate in cleaning and tidying from a young age, like another commenter said, helping with the dishwasher, is huge. I remember when my parents would say I didn’t have to do something, and they did it for me, the became resentful that I wasn’t doing it and it flat out just wasn’t instilled in me. It’s not to be take personally. Find ways to speak in empowering ways, delegate, and praise, and make a fun game out of it where everyone is helping. It feels good to do it as a team effort. If anyone is complaining about people not helping, please take a look at what you have been doing to contribute to the situation. Children don’t come pre-programmed, and they are their own unique individuals.
Hi Cas, my mom says exactly the same thing to my kids… the funny thing is that my sisters say the same thing to them and they are both single and childless… As for “division of housework”, I don’t do it at all – I’m not a “leader” (and I also really hate when someone tells me what to do). For me personally, teamwork is probably the most effective, with others suggesting what will be done – that is, a combination of several methods.😁
My mother made us make our bed, clean our room, and put laundry in the washroom before breakfast every day! It was just something we learned. I did the same with my son. We are our mothers. Lol, I can hear her voice… “Time to get up…make your beds, clean your room and get your laundry going.” Everyday!
You are stinking adorable! Spewing old people things outta your face! LOL. I think Joe is right. It is just how the generations view each other. I’d say you are winning if you get your kids to do anything! They make their beds? Amazing! My kids are grown and gone but I remember those days. They go by fast so cherish them, my friend, even the annoyances.
Things have definitely changed for kids, my mother and father had to do so much when they were kids, cooking entire meals, doing all the firewood, planting the crops. My Dad does feel a bit resentful about how hard he was worked by his Uncle when he was sent to help on his farm. My Mom had to take on extra as her Mom developed breast cancer when my Mom was a bout 10. I actually think there experiences in most ways made them better people,I really look up to them. They have so many skills and abilities because they had to have them. I was not expected to do as much and I wish I would have had more responsibilities, however my Mom tried to get me to do stuff but she gave up, it was easier to do it herself, I feel the same way with my kids sometimes, they are so stubborn and selfish at times, just like I was. I will try some of your ideas❤. Routines and working together seem to work best for us.
🙋♀️ I have a youtuber marketing type of question as an aspiring youtuber… I’ve been a long time subscriber and have loved the cute little relatable stories you tell at the end. Question is…. did you ever test out how many likes you get with or without that (or similar kind of test) ? 🤔 I mean I love it and am totally inspired! I just thought it wouldn’t hurt to ask. 😇
Oh yeah… we all turn into one of our parents at some point!! 😂 As a mom of 3 grown kids with families of their own now, hang in there! I had doubts if they would really be thriving adults but they are. I do not have to get them out of bed every day or do any chores for them! For those with kids at home struggling, I understand but it is just a season. ❤
I’ve said this before. Your articles are so relatable! Even down to the rebel husband and eldest kid 😆 And yes. I agree with the way they have to be the one with the idea or they won’t do it. Ive been using that method on my son since he was one. Hubby is the same. Great suggestions and haha yeah I’m officially an old lady in a young person’s body since having kids🤣
I remember when I was in high school we had an 8 track in our car and I wanted a cassette player instead, Mom said why, you have a perfectly good 8 track. When my girls had a cassette player in the car and they asked for a cd player I started to say those same words my mom said to me about the perfectly good cassette player but I stopped and said, sure! Your story of what you say to your kids versus what you mom said about her youth made me think of that story.
I truly thought it was only a joke to walk to school and back uphill both ways. Growing up in relatively flat areas I couldn’t wrap my head around it. Then I moved to a small town in the foot hills. The main part of town is in a valley while roads climb higher into the hills. To get to the elementary school from Main st you either drive around and up the hill or walk up about 150 stairs.