The text explores the enduring nature of the parent-child bond and the importance of being a real parent. It highlights quotes from Sue Atkins, Unknown, and others that emphasize the importance of being a good parent. The text also encourages readers to stop blaming their parents for not providing enough love, time, and attention, as it can hinder growth and success.
When someone criticizes your parenting, it is crucial to shut it down immediately. Use strong and concrete language when responding to the criticism. If your parents keep interfering in your personal life, it can take a toll on your mental health. When you keep criticizing your kids, they stop loving you and they stop loving themselves. Laura Kramarz advises that someone will always criticize you, and you cannot please everyone.
The text also provides advice on how to move past parental blame and offer suggestions for the best course of action. It emphasizes that becoming a mom has extended an open invitation to others to offer judgment, advice, and opinions. The inner voice of a parent is essential in navigating the challenges of parenting.
In conclusion, the text offers a collection of inspiring quotes for parents to consider when feeling overwhelmed as a parent. By focusing on being a real parent and embracing forgiveness, parents can navigate the challenges of parenting and achieve their goals.
📹 8 Things Parents Shouldn’t Say to Their Child
Have your parents ever told you something that, to this day, still makes you tear up every time you think about it? Our words hold …
When your mother constantly criticizes you?
Setting healthy boundaries is crucial for dealing with a critical mother, as it helps in coping with her criticism. As an adult, it is important to remove yourself from the conversation if the critical behavior persists. Having a critical mother can lead to mental health challenges, so setting clear boundaries and practicing positive self-talk can help heal from its impact. The mother-daughter relationship is crucial for many girls, but some mothers may be critical rather than encouraging, potentially affecting their daughters’ self-perception and leading to hyper-fixation on their mistakes or shortcomings.
Is criticizing your child bad?
Complaints can be productive in parenting, as they highlight problems and help find solutions. However, criticism can lead to powerlessness, overwhelm, a negative self-concept, and disconnection between parents. For example, a parent might respond to their child complaining about dirty dishes in the bedroom, while criticizing them for being a slob. To stop criticizing your child, it’s important to notice when you are complaining or criticizing, as it can become a pattern and habit.
What creates a toxic parent?
A toxic parent is a parent who exhibits self-centered behaviors, physical and verbal abuse, controlling behaviors, manipulative behaviors, and lack of boundaries. These behaviors can be subtle, such as name-calling, shifting blame, silent treatment, or gaslighting. Toxic parents may invade privacy or control decisions, using guilt or shame to manipulate emotions. They may also hold time, money, or other items as pawns in their manipulation game.
Outbursts and bad days are normal for anyone, but if the behaviors from childhood are constant or have a pattern, it may be time to consider how they impacted the person you have become.
Some common signs of toxic parenting include emotional abuse, physical abuse under the guise of discipline, forced caregiving, fear of parents or their actions, and keeping secrets about abuse. It is important to consider whether these behaviors were emotional, physical, or both, and how they impacted the person you have become. By examining these behaviors and their impact on you, you can better understand how toxic parenting can impact your life.
How do you deal with people judging your parenting?
Parents in their first year of life make numerous decisions, often based on instinct or personal beliefs. These decisions can be influenced by factors such as breastfeeding, stroller choice, delivery location, pediatrician, and sleep training. However, it is essential to recognize that judgment is inevitable and that it is crucial to be smart researchers, find a support network, stop making comparisons, tune out judgers, and stop judging yourself. By doing so, parents can make more informed decisions and avoid feeling judged for their choices.
How do I stop judging my parents?
We judge parents for various reasons, including making mistakes and having limitations. Recognizing that we all make mistakes and have limitations, reflecting on the experience of being judged yourself, and not knowing everything about a parent’s situation are important steps to stop judging others.
Judging other parents can be intense and destructive to our well-being, as it sends the message that we have all the answers. There are many ways to parent differently, such as breastfeeding vs. bottle, educational decisions, and the use of technology. Our natural tendency is to see those who parent differently as wrong, but there are more than just two ways of parenting.
We develop strong opinions about what is the best way to parent, which can lead us to judge others with different beliefs. Additionally, we rush to determine a person’s character, as research shows that someone’s character is more important to us than their knowledge and sociability. We often attribute behaviors to the person’s character without considering the context of the situation.
Dr. Elizabeth Hall in Psychology Today suggests that we take a behavior and attribute it all to the person’s character, rather than considering how the situation may dictate the behavior. By recognizing that we all make mistakes and have limitations, we can work towards reducing the amount of judgment we make on other parents.
What are the 5 positive parenting?
Being a parent presents challenges and challenges, including the pandemic and political climate. To maintain a positive parenting environment, it is essential to practice positive skills such as encouraging, being responsive, setting an example, setting boundaries, and being interactive. These skills can be applied to both baby and toddler children, as well as older kids. The five positive parenting skills include praise, reflection, imitation, description, and enjoyment, which can help create a pride-like environment in the household.
How do you parent without criticizing?
This article provides tips on handling situations that require criticism or punishment. It emphasizes the importance of describing the situation, saying nothing, expressing feelings, putting things in perspective, making praise descriptive, and focusing on effort rather than outcome. Positive reinforcement is a concept that can help raise internally motivated kids. The article suggests using praise/reward instead of criticism/punishment, as criticizing or punishing can harm a child’s spirit and self-esteem.
Focusing on praise reinforces a child’s self worth, and since children naturally want to please their parents, they are more likely to behave instead of misbehave. This article aims to help parents understand and apply positive reinforcement effectively to raise highly motivated children.
What is the best verse for parenting?
The text encourages parents to educate their children in accordance with the teachings of the Lord, with the objective of fostering tranquility and avoiding the potential for resentment. Furthermore, it counsels parents to exercise discipline, which will bestow peace of mind and happiness upon them.
Why do moms criticize their daughters?
It is a common misconception that parents who are overly critical of their children do so with the intention of causing them harm. In reality, such parents are driven by a desire to encourage their children to become stronger and more resilient. Nevertheless, this motivation can result in the onset of depressive or anxiety disorders.
What do you say when someone criticizes your parenting?
In the event of criticism directed at one’s parenting style, it is essential to consider a range of potential responses. These may include acknowledging the criticism, explaining one’s parenting approach, soliciting advice from the critic, or ignoring the criticism altogether. It is of the utmost importance to acknowledge and value the feedback provided, and to utilize it as a means of enhancing one’s parenting style in a manner that ensures the optimal well-being and growth of one’s children.
What would a toxic parent say?
Parents who are toxic to their children often engage in excessive criticism, directing their attention to their children’s flaws and mistakes rather than offering support and encouragement. Such relentless criticism can result in feelings of inadequacy, which in turn can negatively impact self-esteem and confidence.
📹 Consequences of Over Protected Children- Jordan Peterson
About Jordan Peterson: Jordan Bernt Peterson is a Canadian clinical psychologist and a professor of psychology at the University …
“You are a unplanned child.” She often told me this as a child. Not out of anger, but in a joking, mocking manner. She is now in her mid 70s, earning a lot less than what her living expenses cost, and is now living under my care. I cannot remember her apologizing even once for all those times. I have decided not to have children or not get married. I also avoid being with her if possible, outside of me asking her if she needs anything for the house (groceries, errands, etc.). She still wonders to this day why I am the way I am.
“I’m leaving and never coming back.” Out of all the things mentioned in this list, this one really hits close to the past when my “mother” used that against me because I wouldn’t do what she wanted. I am so angry at her. I am so angry of what she did, and I am grieving and sad at the fact that she will just continue to be a narcissistic, abusive, manipulative person. And I am reminded that parents are not supposed to be like her and my “father.”
I’ve been told “I don’t have time” “leave me alone” and “I wish you were more like your brother/classmates?” And “this is so disappointing. I don’t have time for something disappointing.” And “BECAUSE I SAID SO, NOW LEAVE!” FOR PARENTS: Don’t do these. “I wish you were more like…” Makes the kid want to be better and panic over you wanting higher standards. “I don’t have time..” makes them feel worthless. “BECAUSE I SAID SO” Makes a child want to question, and not want an authority that won’t give them an answer. “… disappointing/ment…” Makes them feel like they will never be good enough. Thanks for reading!
#9: “Oh, he/she probably just has a crush on you!” Teaching your child that “oh, if they are bullying you they probably have a crush on you!” Is basically telling them that abusive relationships are normal. My mom told this to me when I was 10 years old. I just got out an abusive relationship a month or two ago.. at first, I thought it was healthy. But, as time went on, I realized that it was definitely not. If you make a part two, can you please add this? It would make my day and it will spread the word.
“I rather have her as my daughter than you” “You were the reason i couldn’t follow my dreams” “You were an accident” “Why are you crying? It’s annoying” “You are stupid for ‘falling in love’” after she found and read my diary when i was 14 “You frustrate me” Later on she tells me she told me all of those things to “make me tough” I live with low self steem, and she wonders why i never talk to her about anything. Why i never tell her about my feelings. I’ve never shared much to her about my relationships and often throws a comment here and there that she would like grandchildren, which i usually ignore and i make sure she never sees me cry. I don’t hate her, i don’t think i could ever hate her. She was a very young mom without guidance from anyone but i will never forget the things she told me and as much as she wants a cute mother/daughter relationship, i don’t think i can fully do that
The last thing talked about sparked a memory of when I was younger. My mom was absolutely pissed off about the new place we had moved to and she started ranting and yelling saying she was going to leave and live on her own away from us back where we were before. The feeling, thinking back on it, was fear and sadness that she didn’t want to be with us anymore. I’ve had a fear of abandonment(like deep fear) for a long time and I never knew where it came from. Thinking back about this, it might actually stem from not necessarily this moment, but definitely was fed from it. Thank you for making this article. I’m gonna be thinking about this in my head for a while; and maybe sit down with my mom and talk with her about it.
I’m a parent PLUS a victim of child abuse, so this touched A LOT harder then most might understand. There was times where I wanted to say “What will people think!?” But before I even started acting like my adopted mom, I shake my head and say “So what people think?…..” and tell them how awesome, beautiful/handsome, positive, independent, amazing children they are! Pointing out the positive challenges that they themselves over come, even thou they saw a lot of horrible negative things from my ex husband and I. Them, themselves try to be my little heros. But I stand up and them know “Its ok kiddos, I ain’t going to have him hurt you….” which they did explain when they got older that it hurt them not knowing what to do to help. I thanked them for trying but explained “There was nothing you could’ve done immediately, he could’ve come to you and with his hateful words. Even try to beat you to be scared to get help from the police or anything, it was best in my mind to keep you guys safe to make sure you where somewhere I can trust to go away for months on end. That way you guys didnt get hurt nor afraid to be in the house, and I was making a plan to safely get us somewhere safe permanently.” Sadly back then I didnt have ANY help from my adopted family who was near by, my adopted dad was trying his best to do what he could do. Taking the kids to his place if big enough in Hawaii, or even sending money and food, clothes whatever needed to be done if they need it. I sacrificed a lot for them because the love and joy I bring to them was endless, so why put them threw hell when they dont need it?
“What are people going to say?” hits the hardest. I’m pretty confident a massive part of my lack of self-esteem and absolute fear of being and expressing my real self freely was caused by my mother constantly repeating this over and over to me. Ever since I was a teen I feel like I stopped living to conform to this stupid threat. I ended up being the pale shadow of my real self just because I hide as much of me as I can, because I’m absolutely terrified of being judged in any way. Both by her and by people outside. Suddenly all of the things I liked made me ‘childish’, ‘stupid’ or ‘they’ll think you have an uncaring mother!’. Good job mom, this is how you created the gray, apathetic, dull me you despise so much. You didn’t treasure the colorful, confident, happy kid you once had and insisted for her to turn into this. Now don’t complain if I barely exist.
ㅤ~timestamps͜••~ 1- 00:58 what’s the matter with you 2- 01:31 i don’t have time for you 3- 02:10 i wish you were more like…(insert name of friend/sibling here) 4- 02:42 you’re a disappointment to me 5- 03:11 why didn’t you…(insert thing here) 6- 03:43 because i said so 7- 04:20 (funni numbe) what are people going to say? 8- 04:56 I’m leaving and never coming back guys if you relate to any of these I’m sorry <3 ik what you're going through
“I wish you were more like…” I remember a story of my mother. She said that she has a friend who encourages her son to be more like me. The son of my mom’s friend replied with: I don’t care about grades. When I heard that story, I was not happy because I am a friend of the son of my mom’s friend and he is honestly a nice person to be around with. Even though I was used as an example, I felt bad because that kid did not need to change anything about him.
I told my mum I want to a lawyer. Her words were, “Your grades aren’t high enough. You are way too stupid for such a job.” I’m now having conversations with my careers advisor at my school and she said, “You can do it, you would be a perfect fit in a law firm.” And at this moment and time, I don’t care what my mum has to say about it, I’m making my dreams come true whether she likes it or not.
Might as well add the statements: “You are like this…..” assuming things about their child/children when they actually know nothing. “You are a such a rebel….” when you obviously just have different beliefs and perspectives that are not exactly the same with theirs and they can’t accept it. “I’m so proud of you..” only after seeing all the medals you received during graduation but never reacted nice when you showed them good grades ever since. “You’re so ambitious….” doesn’t even know that they are all part of your plans and one of the reasons why you strive in school. “You’re going to be like this….(negative)” just because you act differently and only wishes to pursue a long term happiness for yourself, and them thinking you can’t reach it. Lastly, “When we get old, you’ll surely abandon us…” hurts the most saying as if you never really cared about them and such an ungrateful child. Little did they know you were already having thoughts in your head about taking care of them in the future. So sad that these so called adults seems to be lacking of basic good morals. Their child/children are humans too. They should at least prepare them for a life ahead, not trying to kill them mentally and emotionally in the process.
Wow. I initially watched this from the perspective of a parent wanting to avoid saying these things to my child. I discovered that I’ve heard almost every single one of these from my parents. It’s no wonder I developed so many mental health issues and self esteem issues. I’m healing though and I will be a better mother to my child.
“What’s wrong with you? You have lost your mind. Get some help.” I’m 33, live independently, have an 11 year old son that I take care of, have strong relationships with my psychologist and my psychiatrist, and this is still one of my mom’s favorite things to say to me, ESPECIALLY in the heat of an argument.
#8: “I’m leaving and never coming back!” That one is really powerful on a child. I just remembered the day my dad decided to pull a fast one and trick me and my brother so we could “treat Mom better.” We were 6 and 8 (I’m older). My mom went to the bathroom, and my dad brought us home from school. We were looking for our mom to give her a Mother’s Day card, and we couldn’t find her. I asked, “Where’s Mom?” and my dad said, “She went to Canada! She left us!” My brother immediately started crying, then I started too. My mom came out of the bathroom and was like, “What’s going on?” My dad filled her in on what happened, and she hugged us and started crying too. When we were done, my dad said, “You guys knew I was joking, right? This was so you’d treat Mom better.” I had repressed this memory for a while now, and now that I finally dealt with it, I realized that my dad was kind of a (y’know) back then. He’s much better now, and he actually doesn’t remember it. Maybe that’s why I was so scared that I would drive everyone away from me at school… …or maybe it’s because people said I was a manipulative, horrible person. Who knows?
“Cause I said so.” Was a big one with my parents. I was always curious and wanted to know why some rules needed to be followed. It why now as a parent myself I’m always prepared to explain why things are the way they are. And that no rule is in place to hurt them or make them feel bad. It’s also why, when my kids were much younger and got into trouble, I’d always sit them down and ask what they thought got them into trouble. Often times children don’t fully understand what it is they did wrong or at least not fully. So explaining it to them in full really helps them to understand.
I swear the “I’m leaving and never coming back” really pulled a trigger in me. My mom would always say that whenever we get into arguments. Whether it be about studies, grades or chores. She would even gaslight me and guilt trip me along with blaming me for things that didn’t even happen yet making me feel like I’m a terrible child.
When I was a teenager, my dad and I butted heads what felt like every other day. I have heard some version of nearly everything on this list, but the one thing that has stuck with me the most was during a heated argument over something that I can’t even remember now. I asked him if he ever had anything positive to say about me, and he replied with, “What have you done that’s positive?” He apologized for it, but I don’t know if I’ll ever forget it. I still think about it years later and it has the power to completely ruin my day. Parents, please. Be mindful of what you say to your kids. They may forget what you said with time, but they will never forget how it made them feel.
“It can be forgiven but never forgotten ” is true. I never understand those who chose to be parents can be so cruel in saying very hurtful things to their own children and cause emotional damage to their own children. They never hold themselves accountable of what they’ve done for the damage, but to make their children feel guilty and emotionally disconnected with them. It’s really a shame!
“You’re useless” “You’re just a waste of space” “Look at her, she’s thin, why can’t you be like her?” “If you’ve studied harder, you could’ve been part of the quiz bee!” “We’ll go and drop you off to your tita next morning, you’re not gonna live here anymore” “Why can’t you be like her?” I get it, I get it. I’m imperfect, but I try my best.
More things that can damage a child: 1.they always ignore you and never listen 2.they shout at you for not doing something their way 3.they tell embarrassing story’s to their friends about you 4.they don’t care how you feel 5.they threaten to hit you or hit you (Edit: wow thanks for the likes everyone I hope you are having a great day!) (Edit again: thx for all these likes I know life can be challenging because of ur parents making u have depression or anxiety but remember that u are perfect in ur own way and don’t let ur parents or something else tell u that ur not :D)
When I was little, my mom always told me and my siblings that our opinions and feelings doesn’t matter. From that early age to even now as an adult, I don’t share opinions or my feelings. I struggle with setting boundaries with people because I can’t vocalize them. As a parent, I always tell my child that it is okay to express his thoughts and feelings because I know what it feels like to feel unimportant and silenced.
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m not coming back.” “You’ll never amount to anything.” “You’re not home enough to be of any use to me.” “Do as I say, not as I do!” “I’m the parent, not you!” Just a few little nuggets of advice my mother gave to me growing up. I’ve forgiven but not forgotten and it still makes me teary eyed sometimes even though I’m 36 and have long since put it past me. I should thank her, though. Because of her fine example I now have a myriad of things I will never say to my daughter.
My mom once shouted at me “I wish I didn’t give birth to you” for a common mistake I did, that day was dark to me but in mind I knew she didn’t mean it because she has blood pressure and she was dealing with so much, I said to myself that she’s just angry and she poured it on me. It was back in middle school, I’m at university now, my last year, and I still have that memory as if it was yesterday. I ended up once telling her that I can’t forget it and I need to know the truth but she bursted into tears and she apologized. We are in a much better situation now but somehow that memory and that sentence specifically brings me some sort of pain, I just wish I could heal from it one day
“What’s wrong with you?” “You’re being dramatic” “Stop being like this” “Just leave then, go!” “You’re so selfish” “No. You don’t want to die. Stop it.” “No one will ever love you if this is how you’re going to act” “I don’t care” “Go away! Leave me alone” Now I live a life of emptiness and distance from everyone/everything.
“What will people say” Something my mother has said every time. It’s like she only cares about the way she’s parenting. She might be a good mother but she always brings up excuses. One day I cried in the shower because of many things I wanted to say to her that I don’t like, looked so normal next day she’s crying. I kinda blame it on her because she had the opportunity to explain it when I was a child.
My own mother pulled the “Why didn’t you” on me when I finally got my GED in 2020. It felt horrible to hear “Well why didn’t you do that when the church offered it!” when I had told her that I passed each test the first time and got my GED. At that time, I was struggling with what I would consider “Self-sabotaging Depression” where I just refused help cause of the “I’m a burden mindset” and to hear my mother say what she did just… got my blood boiling. I didn’t say anything to her about it, but to say something like that to your child who’s already suffering mentally, it just really sets them back. I’m better now, getting my GED was what got my life back in motion, a job and eventually got proper help for my own health issues, but what she said still lingers after two years. Note to all parents out there, don’t do that to your own kid. If they take the time to get things back together/on-track, then be decent and support them with proper affection.
“It only takes a few seconds to hurt someone or their feelings, but it takes years to heal.” To all the parents out there, please stop abusing your kids by using the words you tell them. This causes for you both to have a distant relationship when growing up. Treat the child like the way they should be treated, you never know when they are using their smiles to hide a thousand tears. When I was younger, I had lived under depression due to my parents. It hurts and no one deserves to be treated this way, especially kids at a young age. Small details can affect who they are when they grow up. My parents always abused me using words and hurt my soul emotionally. My mother would always compare me with other kids and mark that I was nothing like them, to the point I would ask myself, “What did I do so wrong to be placed in this position?” Your words are abuse to the heart that brings an emotional scar that would never leave you. Hope it helped! :shelterin:
“What are people going to say?” I’m so fed up with my mom being like this. We got into a fight recently, and she brought up this kind of thing at least four times. Like we were at a party for someone learning the piano, halfway through he was embarrassed because he was starting to regret throwing the party altogether because he felt like he wasn’t good enough yet. I said something along the lines of “I’m proud of how far you’ve come, learning a new skill takes a lot of time” so on so forth. She was mad because “(I) didn’t even know him” so I guess that means I’m not allowed to show support? He was obviously anxious and he seemed to feel better about his performance after I said something. It wasn’t about him though, or about me. I’m at the point where I don’t care if people think I’m a little odd. It’s always about how I embarrass her, and how I somehow paint her to be in the wrong even though every time shes the one that demands she’s right. And then she’s like “yeah the mental illness is genetics” Close but no cigar, bud.
You forgot “Just take care of it yourself.” As in, “mom, I’m having a problem with this bully beating me up and taking my money.” Mom, “just take care of it yourself.” So I stabbed him in the neck with a pencil. I was in 6th grade. I got punished, but he never bothered me again. Or, “mom, my brother just stole my new bike and sold it.” “Deal with it yourself” So I took a sledgehammer and a hacksaw and I disintegrated his new bike. I’m genuinely surprised that I didn’t murder anyone. But seriously, it seems to me that would be a good way to manufacture a psychopath.
I know it’s rare to see “the other side” like this but I have struggled with a lot of this as a parent. My kids are still young (not even school age yet) so I hope I have not caused permanent damage. perusal these articles I have too often recognizing myself as the abuser. I hate it, I really do, but recognizing it is the first step. I want what’s best for my kids. I love them but for the time being, for the health and safety of everyone, other loving family members are looking after the kids while I am working an becoming a better person. Thank you Psych2Go. I know these articles are not diagnostic but they did help me introspect enough to seek the help I needed.
“Because I said so!” My mom often didn’t at all explain the point of her decisions, there was no negotiation, and I was expected to obey everything without condition. “JUST SAY “Ok mom”” was frequently said. As a result (I think it correlates), I am very reserved and have a hard time opening up to people, a lot of talking makes me visibly shaky, and insults don’t hurt anymore. Welp, now that I’ve typed this out I think I should talk to someone about this. Huh.
My mother compared me unfavourably with everyone she could think of. She never wanted me to do well at anything as she said it would make me “big headed”. She also hit me a lot. My father told me I should plan a career because I was too plain to get married. I was married at 22 and we are still happily together 46 years later. I always made sure I was a loving parent to my children.
“What’s the matter with you?” always hurt me so much as a child and never understood why, but I would cry when my mom would tell me that and she’d either tell me my tears were fake, or roll her eyes and say “Here we go.” My mom and I talked a lot when I was an adult and was lucky enough to mend things with her, but it wasn’t until I found out that I’m a late diagnosed ADHDer that I finally realized WHY it hurt, years after she passed away
Oh my mum definitely cares about my grades more than about me. We were having an argument since I was struggling with school because of Covid (I was pretty much an A/B student before but went to B/ more C/D) and she said, “School should be your highest priority” Well I was feeling emotional and brave so I asked if I myself shouldn’t be the first priority. She simply said no.
When I was about 12 years old my mom told me “Son, if you’re gay, tell me as early as now and I will disown you right away”. Words i’ll never forget. My high school years were some of my most miserable because I got bullied a lot. I never showed people my true personality because I was afraid that if I did, my parents would find out I’m gay and I would lose my family. I’m sharing this because people really do underestimate the power of words over their children. I’m in my 20s now and those words still haunt me to this day. My parents still have homophobic tendencies, and I never truly realized how toxic my upbringing was until I got into college. Sometimes i wonder what life would’ve been like if i had more accepting parents. Maybe i wouldn’t be so screwed up.. 🙂
The best part about PTSD from childhood trauma is that I literally have no memories from my childhood. They are so repressed that I cant remember what was said. I imagine its similar to the thoughts I think to myself every day. I’m stupid. I fail at everything. What is wrong with me. I wish I was never born.