Financial child abuse is a complex issue where a parent uses money as a weapon to take advantage of a minor. This can be done by stealing a child’s money or using their personal information for economic gain. Narcissistic parents often use money as a weapon to manipulate and control their children, leaving them feeling trapped and emotionally drained. There are three common forms of financial child abuse: parental financial abuse, teen financial abuse, and identity theft.
Narcissists often focus on extrinsic motivators like money and rewards, rather than personal growth and fulfillment. Parental financial abuse is a common form of child abuse, where the parent steals a child’s money or uses their personal information for economic gain. This can be done by procuring a loan with the child’s name, refusing to allow a job, taking money, withholding personal documents or financial things, or if the child has money.
Financial child abuse is a form of domestic violence where an abuser uses money to gain power and control their partner. It can occur when a child has a credit report, receives credit or bank information in their name, consistently takes the child’s gifted/earned money without allowing them access, demands all money given to the child to be placed in the parent’s name, or punishes the child for spending their own money.
In summary, financial child abuse is a complex issue where a parent uses money as a weapon to take advantage of a minor, often through stealing and exploiting their child’s money or personal information. This type of abuse can extend to relationships of all kinds, from parents to children, children to parents, and between romantic partners or elders.
📹 Exposing Financial Abuse one of the narcissists favorite tactics
Today’s video is about a very serious form of abuse and domestic violence that isn’t widely understood or talked about. Financial …
What is financial gaslighting?
Narcissists often use financial gaslighting, making you second-guess financial decisions or accusing you of irresponsibility. They may also exploit your generosity for their own benefit, accepting money without offering anything in return. Another form of financial abuse is creating debt in another person’s name, which can lead to financial problems and a lack of empathy. These tactics can lead to financial abuse and a lack of personal growth.
Do narcissists use you for money?
The narcissist is a person who is overly loving and generous, often showering you with gifts that make you feel overly interested in their life but refuse to talk much about their own. They may be in a terrible financial situation and will not admit it, instead blaming someone else for the unfortunate situation. They will forbid access to your own money or possessions, making you 100 reliant on them for food, clothing, shelter, and other necessities.
The narcissist will use your name without permission to get financial resources, such as from work or taxes. They will also fraud documents to gain financial resources and use children for that purpose. They will not respect your identity and will destroy your personal things or relationships with friends to make you lonely and helpless.
If you have children with the narcissist, they will refuse to pay child support or spousal support because the narcissist feels it is not their problem. They may even claim that you are not the father of the child and claim that I do not have the money because of you.
The narcissist will pressure you to agree to terms and use court back and forth to control you. They will cancel life, health, car, or house insurance without telling you, leaving you vulnerable and claiming that these expenses are unnecessary. They will open bank accounts behind your back and won’t give you access to them even though they made you share a bank account at the beginning.
If the narcissist is in debt, they will blame you for it even though you had nothing to do with it. If the narcissist had to file for bankruptcy, they may pressure you to do so as well. They will get angry and try to ruin your credit score so you would be like them.
If you have joint care, the narcissist will use your social security number or yours to claim additional income tax even if they don’t pay child support. They may even claim that you have a mental illness to defame your reputation.
To protect yourself from the narcissist, it is essential to educate yourself and know the signs of financial control. You can find more ways to protect yourself from the narcissist by checking out my episode “How to deal with the narcissist”.
What are 5 example of abuse?
Physical abuse can include assault, hitting, slapping, punching, kicking, hair-pulling, biting, pushing, rough handling, scalding, burning, physical punishments, inappropriate restraint, and making someone uncomfortable. Detecting signs of abuse can be challenging, and this page aims to help people who interact with people with care and support needs identify possible indicators. The Care and support statutory guidance identifies ten types of abuse, but evidence of any one indicator should not be taken as proof of abuse. Practitioners should consider other factors and consider multiple abuse types simultaneously.
What is the most common form of abuse in children?
Neglect, physical abuse, psychological abuse, and sexual abuse are all forms of child abuse. Neglect involves inadequate healthcare, education, supervision, and unmet basic needs. Physical abuse includes beating, shaking, burning, and biting, with rib fractures being the most common. Psychological abuse involves verbal abuse, humiliation, and acts that scare or terrorize a child, potentially leading to future psychological illness.
Sexual abuse involves dependent, developmentally immature children and adolescents engaging in sexual activities they don’t fully understand, cannot give consent to, or violate family taboos. Some cases don’t require oral, anal, or vaginal penetration, and may involve exposure to sexually explicit materials, oral-genital contact, genital-to-genital contact, and genital fondling.
Who abuses children the most?
The myth that strangers are the most common perpetrators of child abuse is false. The majority of maltreated children are victims of those familiar with the child and who have easy access to them. Parents, in particular, make up the majority of child abuse perpetrators. In 2008, over 80 of the perpetrators were parents of the victim. Of those victims maltreated by a parent, 38. 8% were maltreated by their mother acting on her own, 18. 1 were maltreated by fathers, 17.
9 were maltreated by both parents, 6. 0 of victims were maltreated by the mother and another person, 0. 9 of maltreated children were victimized by the father and another person, and other relatives accounted for an additional 4. 7.
What is a money manipulative?
Money manipulatives are digital tools that facilitate student interaction with currency in the form of virtual representations, including pennies, nickels, dimes, quarters, and dollar bills. These tools are the subject of registered trademarks held by Hand2Mind, Inc. and Learning Resources, Inc., respectively. Furthermore, the sequence and selection of colors utilized in the design of these tools are also protected by copyright laws.
How to tell if a girl is using you for money?
Being used is a sign that someone is manipulating or taking advantage of you for their own benefit. This can manifest in various ways, such as asking for money, favors, or other items, imposing without considering your availability or preferences, expecting you to take care of their needs, or appearing disinterested after their needs have been met. When someone feels “used” by someone, they typically feel their rights have been violated or taken advantage of.
Meghan Marcum, chief psychologist at AMFM Healthcare, explains that individuals may not recognize the pattern until long after the behaviors first start, or they may be aware of being manipulated for another person’s gain immediately.
What is narcissistic financial abuse?
Narcissistic financial abuse is a form of abuse where a covert narcissist manipulates or controls another person, such as a partner, child, or family member. This abuse involves using money or financial resources to control the other person’s ability to earn, use, or maintain resources. It can be difficult to detect, but evidence-based, trauma-informed treatment can help individuals heal from this type of abuse. Six types of narcissistic financial abuse include controlling all bank accounts, sabotaging promotions, and controlling bank accounts.
How does financial abuse work?
Financial abuse involves various forms of control over a victim’s finances, including sabotage of employment opportunities, controlling their spending, and preventing them from participating in financial decisions. It can also involve withholding money, forcing them to write bad checks or file fraudulent tax returns, and accumulating debt on joint accounts. The victim may also be denied access to basic needs, hide assets, steal their identity, property, or inheritance, and work in a family business without pay.
The abuser may also refuse to pay bills, ruin their credit score, and turn over public benefits. Additionally, the abuser may file false insurance claims and refuse to pay or evade child support. The long-term effects of financial abuse can be devastating, with short-term access to assets being crucial for survival. Without assets, survivors may struggle to secure safe and affordable housing or provide for themselves or their children, leading to a return to abusive partners.
What is it called when someone uses you for money?
An exploiter is defined as a user who takes advantage of others for their own gain, often exhibiting selfish and unethical behavior. Such individuals engage in exploitative practices, which can be defined as the misuse of others for personal gain. This may manifest in various ways, including the payment of low wages coupled with the expectation of long working hours. Examples of such exploitation include the operation of sweatshops or companies that consume a disproportionate amount of energy. An exploiter is an individual who utilizes a resource or another person in a self-serving or unethical manner.
📹 Narcissistic Parents Financially Abuse Their Children
Narcissistic parents are very neglectful to their children and the children experience Financial ability what this looks like as a child …
I quit my good paying job to be a stay at home mom- my narc spouse agreed to this as he made more than enough to support us. It became a nightmare. I use to dread the first of every month when bills came due because I had to start begging for money to pay them. He would wait till the last possible moment to pay. I had cancer on my leg and incurred medical bills to treat, he became enraged every time I mentioned that these had to be paid! On the other hand he would hand out money to friends easily to look generous. So glad he’s gone! It was constant stress!
I have been a victim of spousal financial abuse. My ex wife would insist on controlling the bank accounts, credit cards, bill payments, loan payments, etc. I would tell her that I needed to purchase something and she would be dismissive of me and say something along the lines of: “that’s just a stupid waste of money! No, you are NOT buying that!!!” even though I earned good money. She would often ask me in an accusatory way if I tried to pick up overtime at work. She even mentioned a few times that I should take courses to upgrade my skills so that I could get a “better” job even though I liked the job that I had. She believed that since she earned more money than I did, that it meant she could control me financially. What really hurt me though was when she would mention how much money some of her friends husbands earned. She wouldn’t outright say that she wished that I earned that much money, but clearly that’s what she was hinting at. I am a survivor though and somehow I managed to find the strength to get out of that horribly abusive marriage I felt trapped in for so long.
I feel like I’m going through this with my husband. I’ve been a stay at home mom because we can’t afford childcare and we both agreed we didn’t want someone else raising our son. I cook, clean, and watch our son 24/7 and he says I don’t do anything. I rarely ask him for money and when I do its always for something i truly need like groceries, toilet paper, etc. He will give me $20 every 2 weeks for food. I eat beans and rice everyday. He gets all the tax money to himself because he claims our son and I don’t make enough to file. He will blow his money on concert tickets, $100 posters from foreign countries, Jordan shoes, etc while I have worn the same clothes for the past 7 years that have holes in them. So I got sick of it and starting working from home. He complained that I was making a little bit of money and straight up told me he hopes I fail because he’s scared if i succeed I’ll be leave him. He doesn’t want me to be independent. I’ve been secretly saving up money to get another car after he wrecked mine. I’m praying I can make enough money to leave him for good and be independent.
Wow I had no idea. You explained everything about my life perfectly. A coffee equals me being belittled. Now he is conditioning our kids to hate me – caught him sending thousands to someone else meanwhile I have to ask for $30 for gas to get the kids to school. I broke down and just cried. My daughters response? Later She told me I am bad with money and shouldn’t have spent money on coffee – that all the little purchases add up and I “waste” the money. It’s everything he says to me on a weekly basis. I feel so ashamed I didn’t see this. Worse part is I don’t have access to anything. He won’t let me. I go out with my family and I am accused of overspending or not being home. I feel so isolated.
This is so very true! I’ve heard some whoppers from the narc, like ‘I’ve forgot my wallet’, ‘I’ve not been paid’, ‘I deserve it’, ‘I’ll put it back’, ‘your engagement ring is expensive that why I can’t pay the bills’ ….if only I knew what I was in before we got married : ( …..then at disguard the joint account is emptied with no regard for how I’m going to feed my child! What a evil spirit.
my mom threatened to take my life insurance money because “she has been paying for it.” I realized that she has been trying to control me with money only today… even though I always knew it deep down. always threatening to not pay for my dentist, and then the next day saying that she will. honestly, I’m tired of it. i was able to finally move out and now she keeps saying “I’m not going to help you.” she gets really quiet when I tell her “I have enough for a year. don’t worry about me.” I can never go back to live with her. EVER
Feels entitled to my money, hiding money from me, spending, causes arguments when discussing money and ruining my credit are some of the issues I’m dealing with. He works but is in child support so I make a little more than him. Because I was trying to be a team player, I was always jumping in to help him pay Bill’s. After I would help him with his Bill’s, he never helped me with money, he would ask for extra money to have in his pocket for the weekend, buy him cigarettes, beer, gas, food, etc. all in the same day. I would always and still do do it. He was even walking around with my debit card in his wallet and when I asked for his one day he looked at me like I was crazy. Unbelievable, then when I bring it up telling him all that I do for him he responds “what have you done for me?” Incredible! How quick narcs forget.
I was the ONLY one that worked, for 14 years. He was “building a business” with one failed project after another for 14 years. He wanted access to every account, every credit line and raged if I dared to spend or use money in a way that he didn’t “approve of”…..yet he didn’t hardly contribute to the money of the house. Now we are in divorce and he is dragging it on as long as possible.
Mine didn’t pay his taxes and caused me to owe thousands. I had no idea. I worried for yearrrrrrs that I was going to get locked up for taxes. I begged him for years to pay it. It kept me upset for yearrrrrssss. Word of caution: ALWAYS FILE SEPARATELY, just do it!! Don’t wait and see if he is going to act right, please just do it.
I can’t believe he: 1. wanted me to quit my job!!!!! My JOB… 2. Would basically make me beg for money when I was pregnant and couldn’t work. 3. Then left us…without any money…. 4.Then refused to voluntarily send us money 5. Then when he was forced to pay child support, is now fighting to lower it. smh The worst part, for the majority of the time I didn’t know it was if financial abuse….No clue.
Thanks for a wonderful website. I am learning so much. I just wanted to add narcissistic friends can do this too (I have had several as well as one narcissistic partner). Both friends borrowed money from me. When I started wising up & stopped giving to them, they used pets or kids e.g. a child asking why the fridge had no food. Eventually I realised that I was starving, had no heating, furniture etc yet luxuries were constantly appearing in the other house! I have quite severe autism & CPTSD with very low self esteem – plus being very naive about people so was a great target.I feel I am learning now better to protect myself and also not to be foolish and offer money (which I can’t afford to lose) – I have to accept some fault for that myself I think. For me I had to get away 100% for it to stop and am just happy I did.
I just wanted to thank you for your articles. My mother was married to my narcissistic father for over 40 years. He was a grandiose narcissist. His narcissistic rages were horrible, he destroyed our home multiple times, mostly focusing on furnishings my mother loved or purchased with her own money. He physically abused my younger brother who was both the golden child and the scapegoat child. I guess I was lucky I was the lost child, I wasn’t immune to the abuse I received my share but it was never as bad as it was for my brother and I had horrible guilt about how he treated my brother sometimes even begging him to spank me instead.It all came to an end almost three years ago, when he physically assaulted my mother during one of his rages. He had thrown things at her in the past including a 10lb bag of ice, but up until then he had never hit her with his own fist. We never knew why he was the way he was, he was a weekend alcoholic, but he was abusive even when he wasn’t drinking. I’m a registered nurse, I had no idea. It wasn’t until I was working on my own recovery from a narcissistic relationship, that I realized what my father was/is. Long story, I know. Anyways I watch your articles and discuss the topics with my mother to help her come to terms with what she went through and who she was married to. She has always had a hard time trying to understand why my father was the way he was and it helps to now have a name for what he is. And to know that he doesn’t have normal thoughts and feelings like the rest of us.
3:17 “Requires you to account for everything that is spent. Makes you grovel for money…” I never thought of that as a form of abuse, but it actually is, come to think of it. The irony of my alcoholic mom saying that she needed to account for every cent ALLEGEDLY because of my drug and alcohol use of the past. She had way more of an alcohol problem than I did when she was my age. I used to say was a power trip to a friend who replied back (who went through the same thing), “No, that’s not what it’s about. It’s all about DOMINATION!” That removed the last spec of fantasy that my parents were doing it for my own good. That comment sure threw off the rose-colored glasses I used to have on
HOW DOES THIS LADY KNOW MY LIFE? This is EXACTLY what happened to me 😭😭😭 I’ve recently been trying to get financial aid for college, but my dad has refused to do his taxes, so I don’t have any information to give on the fafsa. I knew he was abusive (refusing to pay bills, discouraging my mom and I from getting a job, raging about money, trying to pick physical fights, etc.), but I couldn’t pinpoint a way to prove it until I realized it was financial abuse IN ADDITION TO emotional and physical. Knowing I have a way to prove my situation and go to college in spite of my dad is the biggest sense of relief I’ve felt in my whole life!!!! 😂😭😂😭
My parents purposely stopped us from learning how to save money or earn money. They had us work for their company for free. When they split up, I found they both had their own ways & goals for sabotaging us.. I had to walk miles to my first job and wasn’t allowed to get my driver’s license until I moved out. When I got my first paychecks my mother tried to negotiate me giving her my money and holding it all in her account. My dad did make a savings account for me. He never let me have the money. My parents were rich and had 18 cars. They just wouldn’t let me learn to drive ever. I moved out and my girlfriends parents took me to get my drivers license at age 18/19.. Then we bought our 1st car together
Wow! First time I’ve heard this topic done so well! I experienced so many of these! And you really have to be careful! He didn’t file taxes for 5 years. He owed an excess of 15 thousand in back child support and later a lien was put on my home. I was able to remove it, though the home was over financed and in foreclosure. He also had 3 different social security numbers. I feel lucky to have gotten out with my life. And I’m blessed to be free!! Thanks another great one!
I have a lot of stories about this, but here is a memorable one: I was shopping at Walmart with this woman. And I put my items up on the conveyor belt to have the cashier to pay for them. Suddenly this woman/tyrant put her items on with my items for me to pay for them also. I never agreed to that. She did that on the spur of the moment without ever asking me anything. (*She was financially abusing several elderly people at home, so naturally it’s her nature to take advantage).
After separation/leaving the narcissist . They may flood your child with non essentials while withholding from the parent with full responsibility. They also like to cancel contact with their child at the last second continuously whilst making others believe it is you. This adds to the smear by making you look terribly unreliable to your friends, potential employers and child.
Over a 20 year period, she slowly got me totally dependent on her. Ten years after we were married, I was totally reliant on her and was completely stuck. We have three kids too. Any time I tried to find a way to better myself, she would sabotage it. It was impossible for me to develop any income for the family. I finally left her but I am broke, with no career and went from an extremely nice neighborhood to a bad one just to survive. She of course now tells people that she “never had an equal partner with me” and how terrible I was to her while she worked so hard. But that is exactly what she wanted. Me to be totally cut off, isolated and dependent on her……she succeeded for 20 years but I finally had enough. With all of that said, I’d sooner go to Hell then go back to her………oh and 20 grand of my inheritance disappeared under her watch as well……poof….gone.
My codependent mom died of cancer 5 years ago. My dogmatic religious narcissistic father received her life insurance and widower pension. She left behind a promised 300k for me and my brother, which our father stole without our knowledge. 3 years on we find out, and my father refuses to admit that what he did was unethical, instead accusing my brother and me of being fine with the possibility of him becoming homeless. 2 years later, my father blows his top whenever I try to bring it up, still dodging accountability and avoiding restitution, but critisizes my lack of financial stability as an artist during a world pandemic. Smdh. Despite me being completely financially independent, and regularly sending him money when he asks. I’m depressed, furious and heartbroken, and finally seeing a psychologist to work through years of narcissistic abuse at his hands.
You have had and talked about it with so much experience. The painful part is that it can sometimes be hard or may take time to detect them, because of their manipulative pretentious love and how skillful, they brag about spending for you and your family. They play on emotions like article game or movie acting. Another issue is sometimes, there can as well be nascistic mother’s too. less may be talked about them since maybe many women may not control a chunk of family money or use it to manipulate but they can react in other ways. Some children can have both parents as nascistic. Please don’t hate parents, as they might have undergone worst experience too, and hating can make feelings/emotions to be painful. but stay away from shaming yourself, pity, overdependence, hate and loss of empathy. They may be acting with out meaning harm it’s just a bad habit that can influence you negatively. It takes understanding and awareness of ourselves not only about blaming others to overcome. Good work and wonderful content
Does anyone know if the narcissist having everything in their name and only allowing you access to it if your obedient, is also considered financial abuse? For example, cars, homes, phones… etc. If you interact with certain people or don’t follow certain expectations it will be taken. You’re able to work and have your own money and they just want to “bless/help you”. If you don’t abide by their rules however, you could be homeless.
My neighbour just started working in guess what out of all jobs you wouldn’t thinking security done/is doing this to his Mrs. She was working from home. He took all her money she was earning and beat her to keep her “under control”. She’s not the happy person she was and no one is either noticing or keeping a hush hush to show the outside world they are perfect family. The irony across our house there’s a women’s centre to help women in these situ.
It took me almost 5 years to realize that my fiancé was a covert narcissist. After buying her a big engagement ring, going on a foreign vacation, buying a car, a house and all of the things you do to “build a life together”, I look back now and see that was the beginning of the devalue stage. I think the pandemic probably prolonged the situation because I was economically reliable and ripe for exploitation. She even went on a podcast and talked about being “a Survivor” but didn’t mention that she was engaged or had found someone to be a good reliable partner in life. When we split suddenly it wasnt “our house” that I’ve been paying the mortgage on for two years but I’ve been “paying rent”, it was “her house” and according to her she did it all by herself. What’s more any work/money I put into the house or our life together was a “gift”. I’ll say this to any young man who might read this, a woman of quality will always show her appreciation and be happy to validate the efforts of a good man. A exploitive, covert narcissist will take everything they can get and feel zero remorse regardless of the harm to anyone involved, including children. I dodged a bullet.
Oh I so wish I knew then what I know now. Malicious, covert, histrionic, anti-social…narcissist and of course…undiagnosed. Mom and sister coupled wirh illegal activity with estate and will. I had no financial resources to show unethical, illegal action taken by my sister (POA). She got away with it partly because I just couldn’t take the drama and abuse slammed unrelenting into my soul. Not did she have a good lawyer (my sister). I had to show burden of proof even as a beneficiary. How do people get away with such devastating behavior…i walked…signed a waiver giving my sister everything. I could have used the $$ for debt and supplementing my final years on the planet. I decided my soul was more important. I literally felt my head smashed by a baseball bat. Everything I had lived in my family of origin was a lie. Doing some grief work I have started my life over…or transformed myself into a newness. It was the most devastating and transformational 2 years of my life. Just WOW.
Are there different levels of financial abuse? My husband has his own bank account, refuses to add me on. When I ask him for the debit card(for anything, even essentials) he asks why do I need it. I have to beg for it to get basic stuff. He wants me to account for every dollar I ever spend. I have made the effort to compromise for him. It doesn’t feel like a team effort. He finally admitted today that it is HIS money, not ours. Yet, he expects me to chip in for bills with my income (he is the main provider) I admit in the past I wasn’t the best with money but I have been changing my habits and being much more responsible. No matter what I do he is still not happy. It feels like revenge, which hurts because he did things in the past that I forgave him for but he can’t extend the same courtesy to me. I feel nervous buying essentials because I know he is gonna hound me about it. Is this financial abuse? Edit: I forgot to mention the other day he was looking at his account and some payments for stuff of mine came out. (I paid him back by putting money that I had earned back in the account plus a little extra) He got really mad and bent his debit card in half since he can use his phone to pay for stuff. Basically he didn’t want me to have access to the debit card. He did later apologize but still, it was jarring and scary behavior. He’s never done anything like that before. I was very hurt by it.
My wife called me financially abusive because I opened a savings account in only my name that I put my paycheck in. I justified it because we were always broke 2-3 days after I was getting paid every week. Couldn’t pay bills because money was already gone. Now I put my check in my savings and transfer cash to our joint account whenever needed for bills/groceries and any other necessities. I also donate plasma twice a week and use that as my personal purchases (lunch, cigarettes and such) as well as our fun money. Now we still have money at the end of each week and I’m not stressing about losing our house or which bill I’m going to not pay so I can pay another one. My wife door dashes and her money is her money. I have zero clue how much she’s even bringing in. I was sick of not having money for bills while she was using my paycheck to pay for her $10 Starbucks everyday and putting gas in the car for her to door dash. I was literally going more broke when she started dashing. I came looking for articles like this to see if I really am being abusive or just trying to be a responsible adult like I keep telling her. Does it sound like I’m being abusive or responsible? I need an outside opinion.
I am the sole supporter for my narc abusing spouse. I have an exit plan but it will take a few months, hopefully not much longer. We have been married for 15 years, but there are no children or shared debts. I have been utilizing the “grey rock method” and I believe my spouse is clued in to my plan. I am saving as much as I can, while supporting this person financially, so that we can part ways legally when this current rental lease is fulfilled. The entitlement and guilt trips are horrible. I am hiding my savings, yet paying all household bills in addition to 90% of the cleaning and cooking. I am a very strong minded person with a great career and never thought I would get caught up in a mess like this, but here I am. Any feedback is appreciated.
My ex narc, when divorcing him, used my son’s settlement from an accident that gave him learning disabilities to purchase run-down houses so he could make more money by being a slumlord. He would say it was to give to my kids. None of them ever saw a dime and he never gave back the money he took from my son to become this real estate tycoon. He was a loser at everything in life and refused to see that he was the cause of us never having any money. He never thought I would make it without him. Boy did he get fooled.
😀 I have noticed that when a woman (more often) goes to any public services place when injured from or whenever attempting to leave the perpetrator of domestic abuse they are often all of a sudden thanks to the perpetrator seen as suspects instead. Suspects of being a lying gold digging woman who is careless in their spending habits, a sloppy housekeeper, a child abuser, an adulterer, a racist, and with a family who has demented members in it and last but not least a person with a personality disorder and/or psychosis. You would think that it should be a dead giveaway to any professional that a perpetrator of domestic abuse is lying when he claims his wife is all of the above all of a sudden when his wife and 2 infant children end up in a women’s shelter for the first time or an emergency room with some signs and symptoms of having gone through trauma that are not in your face obvious like broken bones however the injuries must be treated if permanent disability is to be prevented but nooooo often that is not the case.Instead all of the focus is about possible mental illnesses like post partum depression or whatever. Imagine a woman with enough energy to do all that negative behavior a perpetrator of domestic abuse is saying she does all at the same time? Of course along with all of the accusations most of the time in that kind of situation the perpetrator if he owns a company is getting some of his employees who can’t quit their jobs to back him up by lying for him too. You would think that a not often heard or seen claim that a father was doing it all for his family would be seen as a lie in a court room when at the same time he is bragging about how many other female caregivers he now has to help him care for his infant children and home after his wife fled to a shelter with their children but nooooo.
I grew up dirt poor. I wasn’t allowed to have any money because my family felt like I didn’t deserve any. I had to miss out on all types of fun because we couldn’t afford it. That was my childhood up to 18 when my mom died. My foster parents made sure I was like Cinderella and begging them to allow me to use my own paycheck for myself to get something to eat. Now, here we go again, my roommate is doing the same thing as my mom and foster parents. Everyone loves to control me and control my money. He feels like I’m incapable of paying bills, so he took my debit card and won’t give it back. His girlfriend just rolls with it. This is why I don’t have any friends because they all want to be in control of me. 😢 It’s hard to escape this situation. 30+ years of financial abuse. Maybe I just need to unalive myself.
We went into town for a drink, I didn’t realise he had no money until we were at the bar. I said I’ll get this round n u get the next. He said I cant I’ve no money. I was like whaaa? Why didn’t u tell me? It got worse as time went on. I dont know why I stayed so long. I feel like a total idiot but I loved him. Insane.
Hello there My name is Theo. I been with Lorraine for 20 years, regarding the trails of narcissist behavior was enormous. Every times I have to pay when we go out as well when we organized a trip in holidays until today I still waiting Tobe reimburse …..I feel totally use and abused from this leady. I real 😈
All of this for 34 years! The Narc ex also gambled in every imaginable way…casinos, betting on sports games, horse and dog races, even online. He made a 6 figure income…WHEN he worked. He would quit or get laid off and be unemployed for months, or even more than a year. But instead of getting lesser paying jobs to take care of us(since he mandated early on that I’d be a SAHM), he’d collect unemployment and even gamble that…convinced he could make more money than a job would pay. More than a handfulmof times, his destructive and irresponsible financial habits caused us to be homeless(with kids). We lived with his parents more times tham I can count, hopped around to other relatives, stayed in hotels until the money ran out,the ended up back with his parents again. Yet he absolutely REFUSED to let me work!
I have been financially abused and exploited by a narcissist. She set up circumstances, then blamed me for taking all their money… she flipped the switch and gaslighted me….she needed a scapegoat as she wanted to blame someone for spending their money… the real truth is she spent the money but doesn’t take responsibility for it. She was doing the same to others too. 🤑😵💫🥴☹️😢😭
You know what my ex did, and still sometimes do, is that he’ll threaten to leave his job without the security of a new job. Another is that he will go to my landlord and say that he is not paying, then he’ll come back and say okay I’ll pay again(as if he is the saviour). And back and forth like this. And after a couple of times that he did this, he left us and went to live with his mom. Then he came to tell the land lord that he doesn’t have anywhere to live, which was a lie, and this was after numerous times of me telling him that I don’t want him to come back here!! He even asked THROUGH other people after I had said NO! So he thought he’ll just get the simpathy of the landlord, and now he has been staying here but He doesn’t uphold the rules that where laid out for him and thinks that I am interested in him if I just smile, even though I can clearly see through his lies and manipulation. I am really hoping to become financially better off, but it’s really been super hard, and he confuses the kids as well. Even my 7 year old told me that her daddy is weird. Now why would such a young child say something like that? I try my best not to indoctrinate them with thoughts about their father. But he discredited himself one day by shouting at me when I had asked him for milk and bread for the kids so they can have sandwiches for school. He protested that he didn’t have money etc etc, and I caught him lying and saw how much he was spending on fast foods during the day. The kids were here that day and came to me because they heard me crying, because it was very upsetting.
What my soon to ex-husband and his mother(IE,his family)is if they find out that I have money,they try to manipulate or distort,the situation,so it seems like I’m keeping them from what is rightfully theirs.To them it doesn’t matter where or who’s money it is,As long as they get it.They will use false reality,to contrive a scenario,where I somehow am cheating them out of anything,even though I worked for it or it was something that was given to me.(my mother did the same thing when I was child,she would accuse me of stealing her money,until I gave her all the money I had,because I couldn’t take the name calling and abuse anymore.)even though it wasnt her money,and I had gotten it from my paper route,I would give it to anyway.My stb-ex does the same thing he’ll accuse me of ripping him off,or say I owe him more than I really do,until he gets what he wants.😡🤮😥
This is such a croc for the most part. It should be titled what entitled people think is both fair or abuse. Some people simply don’t deserve access to finances. What about the actual financial abusers? The ones that abuse the money that they do have access to. I’ve been abused so many times because I’m VERY generous and they are financially irresponsible. Using someone for their money is real financial abuse.
My husband lied to me about taking a $40,000 loan while I had a broken neck and no insurance bc he refused to work on the books to avoid child support with his ex wife. He still hasn’t helped me 7 years later, and it’s just been all lies, verbal abuse and some physical….. I’m currently divorcing after getting strong enough to leave him. I’m still needing surgery to fuse my skull and spine, but doing better since I’m separating my life.
My mother pushed me out of the house I was renting for her and let my siblings live there rent free while I paid their part and had to live elsewhere. When I moved away to the same town as my sister who was supposed to help me to continue to pay for my mom and my sisters daughter who lived in my house. My sister refused to let me live with her causing me to pay for my house which they refused to let me live in and I rented motels. Until this month the lease is over I’m kicking them out and getting a place in the new town where I live with my new job. Never again.
The mortgage, cars…….everything is in my husbands name. I’m really good with money and was responsible for paying bills AFTER I threatened to leave due to him refusing to pay them. He’ll put just enough over to the joint to cover them, but most months we go over since he won’t account for things like food. Then I’m accused of spending money behind his back. I’ve NEVER seen a single paycheck since it’s an automatic draft into his personal account. He lies every month about how much he makes. He’s a doctor who makes some serious money so there’s no excuse for any debt besides the mortgage. I just found out (though snooping) that he took out a 50k loan, and has 5 credit cards with insane caps. We lost two homes over the last 15yrs because he refused to pay …. I mean, how dare they take his money! We used my inheritance as a downpayment for our first home, yet I found out he and his dad worked something out to make it look like his dad gifted him the money so if I divorce him, I wouldn’t get a dime. I wouldn’t be surprised if our current home was set up the same way since we bought it before the man died. I made some good investments before we met, so I had money in the beginning which made him very nervous. This was during the days where I thought the problem was me. Asking for even $20 involved an hour lecture. Just wasn’t worth it. He trained me well, huh? His first wife supposedly ruined his credit and wouldn’t pay bills. I believed him. He’s even forged my name on our taxes for many years.
My Narc Wife is Maxxing Out all her Credit Cards with needless spending and I am at other end of Spectrum…I have separate finances and pay all the bills (I am enabler of sorts) but Narc Wife is Doing Financial Infidelity but I am Leaving Her soon and she is on the Titanic While I am getting on a Life Boat next April…if I survive that long lol (I will)…I have tried Numerous Times to Get her to Budget and cut spending but I learned that this is All On Purpose to hurt me …I am an Empath but I will NOT Help Someone Who Purposely Destroys Themselves in Order to Hurt or Bring Down Someone…I Have a Spine and the Buck Stops Here (nice pun lol)…Wish Me Luck Everyone I need it…Great Show Btw…
Do not take an account for a phone out for them in your name – if you split up it becomes hell to close off until it’s paid and it can mean they can access the account to get upgrades / other items without any checks by the original phone supplier, as checks are only done on original sale ; my ex took out £1500 in products after our split when I believed he had transferred the account into his own name until I checked my credit file ; naive I know but I’ve learnt .
My BPD/covert malignant narc adult son wanted me to agree to sell my condo after I pay it off in five years and retire and he wanted me to move the where he and his covert narc wife live in another state. He said they would be buying a home at that time and I should join them. I have always said that I wanted to age in place in my condo community because I do not need a car and I am walking distance from everything I need and a cab ride away from my doctors and I have dear friends that will be there for me like when I went through cancer two times in the last three years and my covert narc son was not around. My covert narc son was not happy when I said that I absolutely would not be selling my condo. I believe he and his narc wife wanted me to sell my condo and buy them a home. He was headed in that direction which is why he is so angry with me now and he has discarded me.
The narcissist in my family opened a day care so that mom, another family member, and others would work it. He takes the checks but doesn’t pay anyone . Mom is gone now but the person who has worked for 21 years has never gotten paid (modern day slavery). What does my family say? Nothing. They said I am exposing the family drama. They are more concerned about appearances than the truth.
My ex drained us during our divorce..Funny thing I was going back to school with as the kids got older & I was chatting with my husband at the time excited about doing 2 classes instead of 1..His comment was ahead you do what you want anyway.. I was so confused because he had already started back in school for about 2 years & we had agreed that I could to.
The aftermath is what kills people and having to do your own divorce because you can’t afford an attorney because you were at home raising the kids and did everything while they didn’t do anything but walk out the door and go to work and then you financially abused the rest of your life and your mental health and physical well-being and that of your child is suffering it’s devastating
I know a man who promises material things to his friends, but never delivers. He keeps the items thinking that as long as they think they have something coming from him that he will benefit from their help and that they’ll tolerate his bad treatment. He promised me a painting and jewelry from a friend who had passed away. After two years of him going on about it I told him I didn’t have room for the things and to just keep them. In reality I didn’t have room in my life for a manipulative person or a material things abuser. Is there an official name for that?
Let’s see who can top this nightmare….My husband told.me to get estimates for a tree that was hit by lightning. The tree is dead and large limbs started snapping off damaging the roof neighbors fence and ours we got a notice from city too.the tree was dangerous and rotten. I get the lowest estimate and the men who took it down was clearly at risk. Now my husband refuses to pay these people. He controls all the finances and me. He said he wanted the wood and I explained that the tree Was dead. 7 feet of trunk is still there . I have picked up, sawed up all the limbs by myself that fell prior to having it cut down. He went out got drunk came home kicked the toilet wich busted all over the floor.He called me names said he hated me and trying to get me to come out of my room to fight. This man is killing me slowly and I cannot find an attorney and now him refusing to pay for something he should have arranged himself because I always do the wrong thing. This is by far the shittiest thing he has ever done to people that did nothing wrong. I don’t know how or when someone turns into a narcissist but where he works is a toxic place and it was after him working there where he started to change into a monster. I am 61 with no future and he is trying to destroy me. Actually he said he was going to destroy me. I want to sue his sompamy for a long list of ethics and safety violations . There are drug users, so many that if they tested everyone, there wouldn’t be enough people to run the company.
People who prefer doing financial abuse most think nothing of trapping someone into an institution to exploit instead of help just to make themselves look superior good while being entitled most at everyone else’s expense. Often they are ‘successful’ men who prefer spending time with women a lot younger and/or with far less worldly experience than themselves. A female person like that wouldn’t think twice of racking up credit cards while dating more than one man and then as soon as they land one rich enough according to them refusing to work in order to pay off their own credit cards.
My oldest he raised since 4. She is a step child. She is now 20 we found out that 6 yrs ago his brother assaulted her. I prosecuted but the courts are moving slow. Anyways now my daughter being at the dr constantly makes sense. But she really couldn’t get help because s he didn’t tell drs. One example she has chronic migraine I have migraine to. But hers were almost everyday of the month at one point. 5 good days. She also suffered serotonin syndrome at 18 who is on antidepressants at 18 the prime of their life? I thought it was related to my husband drinking. Sadly he wasn’t that bad of a drinker till after the abuse in 2014. I have even wondered if his wife and my husband knew something. But I doubt that. It definitely could have been the shift in the house we all felt her change. She would not come out of her room. I have taken her to over ten counselors. She would quit them. So much makes sense now He even gaslight the entire family and told my husband lies about me and caused us to seperate to cover himself. So we blamed our daughters stress on our seperation. He orchestrated that too. Anyways because of serotonin syndrome. She can’t take triptams and was put on a shot ajovy. It gave her her life back. He is military and our insurance is good. He financially abuses in other ways. But I didn’t see it and figured it good I’m home my life has been dr appt after dr appt anyways. I recently discovered my girls and I have adhd. So I’m running a hospital. Well an example of his financial abuse is in arguments he will say if you leave ” I will cut her off Tricare” He will be given a free military later and if not he can hire a lawyer I can’t.
Jill is right! I stayed 10 years longer than i should have! This is my ex. He has destroyed my life. He did ALL these things- why women stay? This is it ? I don’t like being homeless & shelters for middle class women are more abuse as well. I have lupus from years of torture & now sick. There really is no where to go
Mine hid my bills, goes to the store a million times a day, knowing we are on a budget buying crap he could live without. Charged his credits cards up without telling me. He even would keep the bills from me so I was late paying them. I finally took his cards and shredded them. I’m learning to fight back. He’s always trying to get me to buy things we can’t afford. He’s a general pain in the ass.
My boyfriend/ex not sure what he is at the moment has never helped with finances I’ve paid for everything down to clothes food bills he won’t help me at all won’t even help around the home either so after 4 years I’ve put my foot down he says he can’t afford to help out or pay yet he has money for himself or what he wants sometimes doesn’t even want to pay for nappies for our 2 year old sick of it I have 4 children I can’t afford a 4th I have a child that has very severe disabilities so I care for him full time and 1 of my other children is Autistic so I don’t work I’m a full time carer and mum and he puts me down he works part time hours yet I don’t see a penny I’ve only just realised it’s abuse how he things its ok to not contribute
I was just asked ten min ago by text by my boyfriend who work and I’m currently on temp disability. He asked me to put my home under both our names if I wanted this relationship to work. We have had issues where you had to have him leave and he has his own home but can’t afford it because it’s so expensive that he rents it out. But my home is equipped worh solar panels and fell efficient.
Another example for u. Bf bans me to short term rent out my condo to catch up construction cost occured this yr. Forced me to accept him to rent my condo instead. But he demands each penny to become percentage of his ownership. He set the rent amount, referencing the condo value when I bought 2 yrs ago. He’d only move in after his grandma dies if I agree on that. Otherwise he doesn’t feel like home. Not feel welcome.
Mine was so bad he would not discuss money at all avoid the topic of discussing the bills and then he would take money out of all the cards we get from his parents that had a check in it for birthdays and anniversaries or money. I would send out to his parents he would take the debit card out, and then tells everyone it was me
Why does this sound a bit like my mother. She seems to not care that shes draining our family finances but now because she has a 21k a year paying job that she has to drive an hour each way that gives her an excuse to take even more money, take up resources preventing me from starting my potentially high paying career. Not to mention her spending most of the money back into the job shes working just to keep it. My dad is the hardest working person I know but my mother works him to death. Not to mention before all this she sat at home doing almost nothing but feeding her two dogs expensive foods that we can barely afford leaving me and my dad foods that are barely enough to live on while she herself goes out to eat just about everyday and I have to cook, clean, landscape, just to keep up after her. Its like Im taking care of a giant baby. Oooh she makes me so angry.
I know my partner is financially abusing. He needs total control of my credit card my ATM card he has to have. I don’t have a family my credit is gone and I am visually impaired I don’t have anywhere 2Go I don’t have a family no cousins no friends out I do feel trapped. Is he a narcissist he is a fan of himself he is always number one. He could be very verbally abusive emotionally abusive pointing his finger screaming at me He knows I have nowhere to go. Arguing with someone every day is a living nightmare and then when you don’t argue you don’t talk and he just constantly puts me down. His words doesn’t get to me but I know he doesn’t care I got injured at work I have to get surgery next month he won’t even drive me I have to get the hospital to take me. My mother and father were narcissist when my father died my mother called him and he didn’t tell me my father died until the next day my sweet mother didn’t want me to know.
My covert narc husband, demanded me to sign a waiver on his 401K bcos me and my son went out to movies, as he was still sleeping( 1.00pm).he saved all his money in 401K and used up all mine for mortgage and utilities saying it’s for our retirement. After 10 yrs of me not saving for retirement and spending every penny for home and family, he threatens not to give his (our) 401k.
A lot of the traits describe my father however, he was so tight with the buck to the point where I was not given certain basic needs while growing up. I was not allowed to get a job and never got an allowance. He was always working on his dairy farm and constantly putting down other farmers and relatives, bragging about how much more of a hard worker he was than them. Then he had a stroke in the barnyard when he was 83 years old. All that work for what? His declining years are worthless now. He’s very bitter, too.
“Demanding or withholding sex for money” — As obvious as what that makes them is to anyone else, they only see such behavior by others as a diminishment….sorta the inevitable result of having no integrity or standard for their own behavior I guess. There’s no low beneath which they won’t stoop, and because of that they’ll actually GLOAT at prevailing by cheating as if it’s an authentic “win”. Thing is, they DO know the difference….for everyone else. That they are forever setting others up to mooch or commandeer resources from is the proof when you finally see it. Ex who was my wakeup call actually told someone “Every time Bobby would relapse I got another (gift)”. If you meet somebody in AA who rolls with either imagining or observing a correlation between those 2 things and can’t resist bragging about it (strategically, only to another person obviously devoid of personal standards)….in the vernacular of Larry the Cable Guy – They might be a narcissist.
You just explained my husband to the tee. I’ve been ostracized by my church because they believe him and all his lies. I finally decided enough is enough. It’s many more things but this was a big one. I sold my house and pocketed $74,000. He drained almost all of it paying off his debt and remodeling his house for “us ” but when the $20,000 I had set aside for the kids was being spent by him to I moved It to a trust before he could spend it all. I used to be a conservatorship trust officer making more than him but he wanted me to quit to stay at home with my son. Seemed like a dream until the nightmare began. Now I’m living in my sons room in the house and get $250 to feed us both, pay for gas, and anything else I may need. I hope the Lord will forgive me for leaving him, I just can’t live like this anymore.
My Mil told me I was wrong for keeping 50 dollars that was giving to me for my birthday .. I am not allowed my own bank account or savings he’s built his own credit I let myself be manipulated for so long thinking I was wrong for wanting to save my own money 😢 I’m grieving the time lost ….I was 21 I’m now 27 credit invisible and no savings while he blew thousands on a really dumb habit ….
My Mother is a Borderliner who needs Stepsisters money for her new Ego as a Narcissist. As a Child she talked my Stepfather in heavy physical Violence (prefrontex broken headbone) to me as a 7 Year old Boy, bc i was a Danger for her 2. Marriage. I always thought it was Stepfathers responsibility for this Action. Later i found out its her talking trash and playing Victim. She also tried this on me after Stepsister broke Contact with her. Years ago when Halfsister was born, she got favorised. Years ago Stepfather died and Halfsister got 2 Millions from him. Guess what, if i forget the past i can also get 30k. She has so many doublestandards and after i told her i dont give a Shit about it, my “Mother” loves provoking me with playing Victim again (lol) and showing her new Egolifestyle from Money she took from Halfsister. Well, i went no contact as with this “Mother”, you dont need enemies any longer. Best Decision and was surprised about my personal Developement. No Money can buy Peace and Freedom.
Have you ever heard of a narcissist punishing you by telling you that you need to pay them money when you express emotions they don’t like and to unblock you and stop giving you the silent treatment? My ex boyfriend/ex narcississt does this to me regularly. He always tries to name the price. All I’ve done is express things that he does that’s hurts me emotionally especially feeling used and taken advantage of. He was living with me previously rent free for almost 2 years with him and his daughter.
Can someone help me! My evil family made me financially dependent on them & abused me emotionally and mentally and made me struggle in life & made me so dependent i started stealing to pay off debt on my bank. I got scammed by spell casters and other narcs in my early 20’s. What do you do when you are imprisoned the police refuse to do anything & they completely control you because you have no where to go no one will fund my freedom i have no safe relative to move into no support and no friends. They have me isolated & cornered and i doubt anyone will hire me. I committed check fraud because i needed things for survival because i have to argue with them in order for them to provide for me. Help me! I need help! Someone reply thank you ❤
I’m going to volunteer at one of those veterans organization even the ones that are hiring I can work for free I can afford it or I want to work with Wolves in a wolf sanctuary I love them they are magnificent creatures a long long time ago an old Mormon lady used to call me the Lone Wolf and that I am I appreciate your articles I honestly have no one to share it with but I think you are an awesome and strong woman for coming through what you did I hope you whipped his ass👊😁💚🌹
I got stabbed because she was flirting with one of the boaters in our area turns out every time I wasn’t there she was asking him to do some work for her. One night while I had a headache in bed she ended up snogging this man just out the boat ( I didn’t find this out till 2 days after getting out of hospital( instead of the police she had me drive up north to pick up piping for her well in her garden)which is when she told me she couldn’t be sure if she had slept with him be cause she was out of her face and there for he would have rapped me….she kept leading him on so much that one night he came upto me and said, Darren im going to rip into your misess and if you want to do anything about it you and me can go right right now. I said whatever to calm it down but then he went in at the top of hes voice calling all the names under the sun.and getting physical i had to rush in and stop it. ( the case is still with the cpc) there was loads of witnesses and ive even a article that she herself toke she cheated on her husband with me because her didn’t want to do all work she wanted him to do. He could not break from family ties. I thought we were getting on well to begin with until 4 months into are relationship I noticed she was up late on the phone to him then taking articles call with him ( which I thought was a bit strange seeing though there just talking about divorce settlements. They only got married because she got ill and something to do with medical care) because he was only offering her 12k, she was not happy and went back to Hong Kong to pack her stuff to bring back to England.
Good thing I was somewhat aware of narcissism because of my family members my former landlord here in Shelby Montana terrible town by the way don’t ever move here I did not even know her and she wanted power of attorney over my money when I wouldn’t do that for her she ruined me with people in this town told everyone I was crazy I was barred from one business right after the other I reported her to the police for abuse and stealing some of my money long story now that she has sent out her family members young and old I am not safe in Shelby I watch my back constantly I am being stalked absolutely not paranoid if it doesn’t stop I will end up in jail because there’s only so much s*** I can take and I am always was a BMF🇺🇸🦅⚓👊🥋 I would leave but I am waiting for this Corona thing to blow over plus I have to save some money and watch my back constantly but I think the police fixed it so she could never rent that house out again it gave me black mold and the entire Foundation is crumbling her family members are pissed and they say never confront a narcissist I did I told her she was a monster and Evil
Why did you not mention when you take a family or childs need to the monied husband he is telling you no money for something your kids need, then giving it to them behnd your back saying you did not want them to have it, or he tells the kids mom has money (knowing you don’t as you are the agreed on SAHM) and have no family or allowance or household budget, so you have no choice but to send them back to Dad who actually has tons of money everywhere, and he ping pongs themm back to you. This in effect abuses our chidren and myself, and makes it appear my fault, somehow. Parent alienation 101.
This assumes a couple has joint account, if you dont have joint account 95% of this isnt possible, they use debt accumulation instead. Ohh by the way while you been paying off debt, the narcissist has been deliberately charging up life destroying amount of debt. And your calling a person asking for a receipt abuse? think about that one for a sec.. lady is full of crap.