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📹 I FINALLY TRIED SWEDISH DEATH CLEANING (and it actually works!!!)
I’ve been hearing about Swedish Death Cleaning everywhere. I felt like the universe was pushing me to learn more about this …
📹 How to Improve Yourself Right NOW (and Why) – Prof. Jordan Peterson
Psychology professor Jordan B. Peterson provides practical advice on how you can get some substantial self improvement started …
This struck a chord with me. I had to clean out my mom’s home when she died. It was overwhelming and heartbreaking. There was so much stuff and I was only able to keep a fraction of it. Pictures and a few sentimental items. I just didn’t have room or a need for most of it in my home. Some was donated to charity but at some point I had to start throwing things away. I was sobbing as I filled garbage bags. I swore I wouldn’t do the same thing to my family when I pass.
Now I understand my grandmother better. A couple years before her death she started gifting us things that we enjoyed from her home while she threw things out that no one wanted. My sister was really uncomfortable with it because she was not happy talking about the eventual death of my grandmother but actually I think she was really wise. She did not want to burden us with her stuff while she made sure we have the things from her that we really enjoy and she came up with this idea without reading about it. I think it’s amazing. I have just 3 things from her and they are much more special to me and I always think about the moment she gave it to me.
When I was living in Japan at the start of the new year my neighbor would empty out their entire home of furniture/decor/etc like they had just moved into a new home and would clean the entire house and then clean the furniture/etc and put it back into the house. To someone like me who has TONS of clutter it was mind blowing but I’ve always thought it was the most amazing thing ever. That’s one way to motivate yourself not to clutter if you know it’ll just be one more thing to move out and back into the house every new years.
As an exhoarder, I had gone through cancer for two years – I decluttered 60+ boxes of stuff (mainly bedroom, personal gears, and clothing). I had no idea that I was literally doing “death cleaning.” My goal was to have stuff that will only take my brother to clear out in 2 hours when I am no longer alive. It sounds morbid, but it’s actually really motivating. In the end, I’m am clear on what’s important and what’s unnecessary clutter.
When my 101 yo Mother went into nursing home, I invited all my family for a weekend at her home so we could get it ready to be sold. We spent the weekend laughing, loving, and picking out items that each person really wanted to treasure and take. It was a wonderful and memorable family time. Our real estate agent connected us with a local liquidator for the rest of the household items. What a blessing that was. The house was emptied out, cleaned and put on the market. My Mom will be turning 103 in a few weeks and all her assets were turned into funds that supports her care. She is unburdened by “stuff” and she is happier for it and when she does pass, we can all come together again and celebrate her remarkable life.
After my mom died unexpectedly, I went into her Amazon account to unsubscribe from Prime, and this Swedish Death Cleaning book was sitting in her cart. I don’t think she somehow mystically knew she was going to die, but she was 60, so I think she was just trying to prepare for the inevitability. It was heartbreaking that she wanted to do this but ran out of time 💔
Swede here. Super common to go through and give away stuff to loved ones when you get older. My grandma gave me a lot of china, dining chairs, a Persian rug, and other lovely things. She just opened up her cupboards and asked us sibling to take what we wanted. So all of us now has things of hers and our grandpa that we genuinely love and cherish. She also got rid of a lot of stuff, giving it to charity and what not. She past a few years ago, and sure there were a lot of stuff to go through anyways, but since we already had been given the things we wanted, it wasn’t a terrible experience.
One question that many must ask themselves is “How financially feasible is it for me to replace this item once it is gone if I need it again?” Income, or the lack of it, plays a large role in such decisions for a growing number of people these days, especially as we watch the prices of our most basic, necessary items continue to unreasonably escalate. There is an old saying that has served people well, while also giving them a greater appreciation for the value of the few things they had during hard times: “Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without.” Despite the obvious wisdom of this old adage, there still must be a proper balance. Declutter is necessary for all of us, and articles like this make it easier to face!
This is so cool. I have done this without knowing it’s a thing with a definition. I even have an “in case I get hit by a bus box” with all my important documents, photos of me that I’d want my friends and fam to use in my funeral, my CV so they know a timeline of my career path and accomplishments, and a book called “I’m dead, now what?” It tells people all your passwords, instructions for your debts and personal belongings, etc etc etc in order to make it easier on your friends and family. Through that process, I’ve gotten rid of a LOT of things!!! I related when you said it’s a freeing process. I felt so many fears about unexpectedly dying, and doing this preparation at 29 yrs old made me feel so much better, knowing everything is in order. I was surprised how less afraid of death I am because I’ve done so much preparing.
After our honeymoon and returning to our home after a week, I told my wife this: “We lived perfectly happy with all the items in one suitcase and a backpack (each had one of each) plus the basics of a hotel room. So why do we have so much stuff at home that we never use?” We still have a lot years later, but now that we are in the process of moving to a bigger house (child number 2) we’re getting rid of everything we don’t use. One tip that I find useful is to tackle one small section at a time. You see a whole room a mess and get defeated before you start. So just pick one thing. The mess on the desk. Okay 30 minutes later your desk in clean and the room slightly cleaner. And before you know it all those sections over the next few days the room is clean. Tip 2: if you don’t use it, get rid of it. If you think you might, store it in s bin in the basement and put a date on it. If you don’t use anything in that bin for a month, 2, 3, do you truly need it? Good luck! I know I still have s lot to do. Clean and decluttered is a journey not a destination. Remembering to reset a room to how you entered it helps. Oh and briefly mentioned in the article we take a lot in and not a lot out. So maybe every time you buy something, get rid of something you don’t use. Keep the flow 1:1, not 100 in: 2 out. This is s long comment. Hope it helped 1 person. Even if it’s myself.
This is a really Scandinavian thing. In our culture talking about death and what happens after you’re gone (legally, financially, materialistic, emotionally etc.) is pretty common. Some might call it morbid, but it’s realistic and a sign of love to those you leave behind. All my grandparents did it, and usually the family participates. Update : My beloved mom has sadly died suddenly from aggressive cancer. On Christmas Eve 2022. Even before we knew of her disease, we did it, because our dad died in 2014, also from cancer. She was re-married a week before she died (to a man she was really in love with and had moved in with), so all the legal stuff was taken care of as well. All of that out of the way, it gives more time to grief and reflect, and for that I’m thankful.
My grandmother used to have a professional photographer take her picture once a year- so she would have a good picture for her obituary! She was always giving her jewelry, her stuff, food away to us; she always wanted to see us smile….the idea of leaving us something after her death made no sense to her…..we learned the joy of giving, the freedom from clutter…..great article!
My family has always been “death positive”. Planning, cleaning, etc so it’s a smoother “transition”. We’ve just always done this. If someone is second guessing an item, it’s usually followed by someone else saying, “CAN’T TAKE IT WITH YA!” It does lead to a much less cluttered house. And we all kind of found “our thing”. Just one category of items, akin to a “collection” that we just don’t feel guilty about keeping. One sister likes animals, one plants, my mother likes nice dining ware. Mine is tools. Clothes and tools is almost exclusively what I own. It works out pretty great for our family. Edit: since at least a few people saw this comment, I feel I should say… you shouldn’t feel bound by having “extra” items. We all do too. If you want a machine that dispenses cheese wiz into your mouth from your night table, then get it! We’re more along the lines of, “Don’t fill your attic, basement and every closet with things you haven’t seen in 5-10 years. Nothing hurts more than having to bury a loved one then have to hire a dumpster to throw away your loved ones stuff. One nightstand cheese wiz dispenser is NOT the end of the world… Just don’t have 24 of them 😄
Love this article and the realness expressed here. Fun fact: In Germany (and other European countries perhaps) there is this habit of putting a box near the entry door of apartment houses in cities, and they label it “for free” and people just put small items like clothing or toys for their neighbours or people who are passing by. I love it!
My family has a lot of heirloom pieces–antiques from the civil war and stuff. As folks fall off the wagon, the responsible members of the family have dwindled. I’m literally a lore keeper. The only one with a house for the things. Not that I mind the aesthetic, but I can’t remember all the stories or why the things are important anymore. Some idiot child is going to throw them away while another would cherish them like I do. So I’m making a scrap book with a pic of the item and the story that goes with it. If they want it they can keep it and if they don’t, the others still have the book.
I went through this same thing with my 90 yr old ‘hoarding ‘ mother. She’s had to move into an adult community and we had to sell her home. She kept everything and has expected me to make the decision to get rid of her items. Her items include antiques, clothing from my dead Grandmother, Great Aunt, paternal Grandparents, and father…and genealogy material, fabric items, and paperwork as far back as 1960’s. It was insane and she was very mean to me during this process. It had to happen but she didn’t want to do it. The struggle was real. Love this article and the honesty!!! UNburden your family!!
I cried through this entire article. My mother passed unexpectedly 6 weeks ago. She has horded 3 bedrooms full floor to ceiling and most of a 3 car garage. She loved to shop QVC, online and thrift stores. 2-3 days a week I’ve been going through everything. Donating half and going to sell the other half. Memories are being found everywhere. One of my favorites is a JCPENNEY catalog from 1983. Anyway, this whole process has been so much work and my dad’s house looks so torn up. I’m slowly getting him his house back and he’s learning to live alone. 💞
Im from Sweden, and I had NO IDEA it was called “swedish death cleaning”. I heard the concept last year from an older relative (She is 90 now) when she casually told me that she has finished her death cleaning. It sounded so scary to use that term for me, but I asked her about it and she explained. Its a really good thing, I have seen a lot of people clean out after relatives and how much it hurts them. Its really respectful to take care of your own stuff and not leave it on others who must do it while grieving. Your Swedish pronunciation is pretty good for someone not learning the language <3 Thanks for covering something Swedish, it was a fun surpise <3
This is interesting. I’m turning 70 this year. I was a Horder for many years and had a hard time letting go of things. I lost my job and had to move from a 4 bedroom house to a 2 bedroom, so began my first Purge and letting go. It was harsh but I realized I was helping others out by giving stuff away (I hate yard sells, basically you’re giving things away at a small price anyway but with more trouble). I let go of 3-4 truck loads of furniture and more. I moved to the 2 bedroom. Times got even tougher and was ending up having to move to a 1 bedroom, I had the bedroom and my son had the living room. As I was letting go of more things told my son to take things to the trash (lucky for us the dumpster was empty) as we put things by the dumpster (not in it yet) we came out and the place was full of people, they were asking why are we throwing out good stuff. Can’t take it with us was my reply. Soon more people came and started cleaning up the outside dragging off so much stuff. A guy asked if we had anything else and I handed him a George Forman grill still in the box. I knew I would never use it. This was over 12 years ago. Now today I still have to much things. Last year 2021 was very strange, I am still in awe, I had 6 family members die none from covid. I almost died too from pneumonia. I made it with the help of my son (he took off of work to take care of me), thank God. It made me realize that I need to do that death cleaning cause I accumulated more and let my son help me go through this stuff right now not by himself when I’m gone, just get rid of stuff he wouldn’t want at the end.
It makes me happy to see a younger generation who gets this! My generation, the one following the Great Depression and WWII is the worst! We grew up with the mantra of “everything may be needed one day “. My attitude is if it’s in good shape and it “may be useful “, I need to get it to the hands of the person who really needs it! God has been so good to me. Something to eat, something to wear, why would he stop now? I refuse to live in fear of lack. I tend to be a frugal person and ask myself “do I really want this?” I don’t believe in being morbid about buying new things that bring me joy either. I don’t need to “practice “dying. I cleaned out my moms and mother in laws house three months apart. Spoiler alert, it wasn’t bad at all. My household donates at least four times a year. I like the Marie kondo method too, “if it doesn’t bring me joy, it’s got to go”.
I had never heard of this before, but it makes a lot of sense. When my sweet mother passed away there was a lot of junk, but the napkins in her coat pocket or the toothpicks in her car would take my breath away with the vivid memories washing over me. But obviously I’m not keeping the toothpicks. So my solution was to write it down in a dedicated journal the memory attached to it. Then thank the item profoundly for being useful or bringing joy to my mom, and then say goodbye or release it so it could bring joy to someone else. I got to keep the memories, but not the objects. And saying goodbye to the things over and over again meant I could say goodbye to her a little bit at a time.
When my father passed suddenly at age 55, I inherited every item he owned. At the time, I had a three-year old and was ready to get pregnant again. My second child was born the year after his death, and I spent my children’s precious early years combing through a mountain of stuff. It completely changed my perspective, and today I have no problem saying goodbye to any item that is not useful or beautiful. Let it go. Life is short and precious. Travel light.
Until recently I thought Swedish death cleaning was getting super caffeinated and cleaning or going through stuff until you are done or until you pass out. Seriously. I finally looked more into it and come to find out it’s the exact thing I have been struggling with since moving in with and being my parents caregiver. (both of whom have since passed in recent years). So glad I wasn’t the only one lol and so glad it makes so much sense now. Now to go through their stuff and mine. 🤗
I really like wrapping my head around the concept of “making someone else happy” by giving ‘the something’ away. Not too long ago I donated my beautiful handcrafted leather hippy briefcase (given to me as a birthday present by my mother) that I used to tow around with me travelling all over Canada 🇨🇦. I was is visual presentation. A creative jet setter back then! After children + retiring, I knew I would never need the case again + holding onto it “for the kids”, didn’t make me feel any better about tucking it away in the closet. 😳 But… as soon as I thought about someone else ‘finding + loving’ my hippy briefcase… I couldn’t give it away fast enough. I donated as fast as I could to our local Salvation Army. I still have a big smile on my face when I think about it now. A story continues… 😌❤️👍🏽
I’m really having to get past the “in case we need it” type of thinking. My family didn’t have much growing up and my parents were sometimes barely able to keep food on the table… so we threw away very few things. Even things we weren’t currently using, because the chances of us being able to afford replacing at item in the future was slim… but now that I’m more financially stable and able to replace certain items if necessary, I still struggle to let go of things (why spend money on a new one, when I can just keep the one we already have in storage?) 😩
My heart stopped when you mentioned your brother’s leather jacket! My brother, who was my favorite person, died in 1986 at the age of 29. The unbelievable grief consumed me for years. I held on to his leather jacket too! I finally let it go recently, along with the remaining few pieces of clothing of my deceased mother. I had to have a friend put the clothing in bags and take them out of the house without me perusal. At that moment I felt a rush of emotions, but once my friend removed the bags of clothes and reaffirmed to me that I was doing the right thing, I calmed down. I let myself feel that my memories of them are more important than the clothes they left behind. It wasn’t easy, but I gained a sense of control over how I want to honor and remember them, and I realized holding on to the clothes was, in part, me holding on to the grief. Thank you so much for sharing your story; how amazingly healing it is to know that someone else went through the same emotions over letting go of the same item: their brother’s leather jacket. Thank you.
One hangup for me is “Can I find another one like this?” It’s hard to get rid of things that they don’t make anymore or are really unique. It’s easy to throw out old scraps of fabric and that type of thing but if it doesn’t take up much space and it’s not eating anything, its SO tempting to hang onto. These are the hardest decisions for me.
I’m an estate & trust manager, part of my job is to transfer properties to beneficiaries, so we have to ensure the home(s) get cleaned out after the family member(s) passes. Our firm works with estate liquidators to sell as much as possible. However, I don’t know how many photos, figurines, clothing, Xmas and random items we’ve had to throw away because the family & thrifts/charities want NONE OF IT!!! The amount of money spent on dumpsters and the items going into the landfills breaks my heart….a lot of this can be avoided if people would face facts that death is a reality and let things go earlier, when these items still have value to others/thrifts, so they will accept them, & not be forced to dump them! I just stumbled upon your article – and this Death Cleaning process is a great idea! I hope people try this!! We also work with hoarders and other special needs anxiety disorders, we work with the Marie Kondo methods, but I’m going to try this idea too…Great article! Thank you for sharing this info❤️❤️❤️
Six years after the death of my 97-year-old father, I still have loads of his stuff. 8 years after the death of my 94-year-old mother, I still have boxes of jewellery, clothing and things, which my wife will never wear. perusal this reinforced my resolution not to burden my kid with useless stuff he won’t need or want. I’ve been divesting myself of it slowly, but you’ve given me a push to accelerate that process-obviously it’s been on my mind, since I clicked on this article. Thanks for it.
I’m 63 and did this a few years ago. I even set up “Dee’s Dostadning” Ebay, Paypal and Google accounts to sell my extra stuff that had any value. There is still quite a bit of stuff, but it is stuff I use. My 5 thirty-something kids plan to take what they want when I’m gone and give away the rest. I’m fine with that. We’ve gone over what’s valuable that they might want to sell. I did almost die twice in the last 10 years. So, I’ve thought a lot about what my kids will need to know when I do go. On top of “Death Cleaning”, I filled out the workbook “I’m Dead. Now What?” and gone over it with each kid. I also have a will, living will and advance directives.
I have taken this concept to a whole other level lol!! We decided to sell and give away ALL of our worldly possessions and digitally store our memories to move overseas! We want a far more simple way of life without the burden of ownership of anything past clothes and ourselves. I am the daughter of a hoarder and was left with a Condo, a house, garage, and apartment all hoarded out by the same two people. It has taken me since 2014 to get all their stuff sorted and out of my life. In 3 weeks I will be the owner of 3 suitcases and my body. Can’t wait. Good luck to all in their individual efforts to de-clutter their lives.
Oh my goodness. The ornaments made from a loved ones clothing is the most wonderfully thought out way of repurposing. Since my grandmothers passing 7 years ago I’ve been holding onto a few articles of clothing, I’ll never wear them, but I’ll sure as shit hang ornaments on my tree for years to come. Christmas was also her favourite holiday so it just fits. You just sparked some creativity in me, THANK YOU! ♥️
When my Mother moved in with me after my Father died, she came with very little, just her clothes, a few small pieces of antique furniture that she used in the room I had prepared for her, and a box of personal mementos from her life with Dad. Luckily, for me, both of my parents disliked clutter and, I remember growing up, recalling their motto, “A place for everything, and everything in its place.” My sister and I shared the personal items, I kept two small antique tables, we made small quilted pieces from my Mom’s favorite house dresses, and donated or threw away the rest. It made a sad time easier. Thank you for a great and very helpful article.
When I was young, my grandmother told me she was planning to get rid of all of her old diaries, photos and letters as she didn’t want anyone else reading them after her death. Being in my twenties at the time, it sounded very strange to me even bit cruel to the memories of her past. But now I understand completely why she did it. I have also shredded old diaries, letters, pictures of old boyfriends/places/parties I don’t want my children to see. I didn’t realise it was called “death cleaning” but it does free you from the past mistakes whether those are bad memories written in the pages of diaries or just fashion related horrors in your closet.
I’ve been thinking about buying this book. Recently, my mom started yet another round of home decluttering. She and my dad are in their late 60s, and she doesn’t want her kids to eventually need to sort through everything they’ve ever owned. Ultimately, the idea of not burdening others with enormous amounts is such a practical, kind, and unselfish idea.
Decluttering when you are older is not just for when you die. I had an illness, surgery, mobility issues for over a year. An ambulance crew had to come in a couple times, I had extra equipment, nursing care. As soon as I was well I decluttered a crap ton. I see lots of old people who just physically can’t keep up with rhe stuff.
I’ve never heard of this before! It can be a morbid thought, but also a really beautiful and thoughtful practice. On a related note, as it relates to people “death cleaning” in preparation for shuffling off this mortal coil, there are other things that can be helpful for loved ones that are left behind. This is a little off topic, but read on, if interested… One of my relatives had done everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, in preparation for his eventual “graduation” ( as my great grandmother called it.) He had bank accounts set aside ahead of time, to pay automatically for utilities, mortgage, etc., for over 2 years. All of the necessary paperwork, bills, company numbers, insurance info, numbers for repair people, (all the things that he’d normally take care of) were all collected, stored, properly labeled, and easily accessible for his wife. His funeral arrangements were all pre-arranged and already paid for. He had even arranged for his wife to receive flowers on their anniversary, after he passed. His “in the event of my death” folder was so comprehensive, that his loved ones didn’t have to life a finger. Instead, they were unburdened by any extra stress. They had time to simply grieve and say goodbye. He was always the strong, silent type, hardly ever overtly emotional, always reserved. It wasn’t until he passed away that his family truly understood just how much he loved them.
I do think this is a cool idea. Although when my family cleaned out my grandpa’s house after he was gone, we found all kinds of neat things. Sure he had a lot of junk, but it was fun to laugh about and talk about how he was. I don’t look at going through a loves ones things as a burden, but I can definitely see how it could be for others
I’m 63 this makes complete sense to me. I’ve kept only the most special pieces from my mother. And I tell my grown daughter what I feel she should keep from me 🤷♀️ I had a neighbor who was a kind of shopper hoarder and it took multiple friends to help clean out the house when she died. I would never want that for my children. It’s hard enough to grieve the death without being faced with a home of stuff. Fantastic article. Love the reality too. We are all only human
I thought you might like to know that your article made a difference in my life today. I have a child who suffers with chronic pain, due to multiple rare genetic disorders. Last night we were up till the wee hours with him and this “morning” I woke up at noon. I immediately felt that my day was wasted and my life is out of my control. I clicked on your article, just randomly, while I was getting dressed and it inspired me to declutter my bathroom! This may sound silly, but it made me feel like I had accomplished something of value, and in some small way, took control of that one small space in my life. 😁 So, thanks for taking the time to create and post it! 💞
Kallie! I actually have that book on my Amazon wish list. I am 70 (and still very cute, mind you) but I am aware of the ” it could happen at any Time” issue as I am an only child with NO living relatives and dependent on wonderful friends. I am, however, aware that those wonderful friends will bear the burden of turfing the amassed possessions of my life. I recently told one of those friends to secretly pitch the contents of my underwear drawer (referencing the murder mystery/having left the building idea never to return thing) because while the underwear is certainly clean and serviceable it isn’t particularly a legacy of what I would like my public persona to be remembered by (dangling preposition notwithstanding). My one particular friend is the executor of my so-called estate and she will be the one stuck with dealing with the whole sorry mess. So I try to think of her when I survey the amassed pile of possessions that in part live in my basement. Mind you, they are labelled and in plastic containers. I have a label maker. Sigh. Now and again, I try to follow this philosophy so I gather things of a like nature, organize them on shelves and move to the next “thing”. But, it simply becomes the basement dance or docey-do (sp.?). One of the things that stops me “getting rid” is that inevitably two weeks after I have done so, I find a YouTube entry that demonstrates how I could have turned that thing into an amazing crafty extravaganza. But, yes. Just GIVE IT UP! The stuff you accumulated when you were establishing yourself as an adult in 1976 is the stuff no one you know necessarily wants which is fair dues.
Oh man. The ornament idea…I held onto my dads clothing because I feared/fear Id regret it. I got the courage to start letting things go. I held onto a couple pieces and I’m going to make some ornaments with them. It will really mean something especially bc my dad who swore he hated Christmas always made it so special for me.
I was an executive for an elderly friend of mine that lived in the same house for over 60 years. First thing I did was have the family come and remove and document everything they took that they truly wanted. Then the paper shredder I literally shred it all her years worth of unimportant utility bills house payments etc. she had cards and bills that she had saved she never threw away anything. Then I brought in the dumpster and had to throw away couches that had mice infestation in them and 60 years worth of junk. Finished up her taxes. I was able to honor her will. I was able to leave the home clean for the grandchild that took care of her in her later years which she left in the will to be able to stay in the same home. A living will.
My brother passed away when he was 21 (I was about to turn 16). I got his guitar and you can imagine how much it meant to me even though I didn’t play guitar (not for lack of trying). Years later I had the opportunity to give it to a teacher who knew how to play but didn’t have one and was hoping to use it with her students. Giving it to her for this “cause” felt so good. I hope all the people can give their “brother’s leather jackets” to someone and feel good about it.
My parents died a year apart. My father having been in WW2, they were of the mentality of that era, and held onto everything. The contents of their basement alone, would have provided for the entire neighborhood in an apocalyptic event. It was organized hoarding. Buying many items because they were ‘on sale’. The task left to my sister and I was horrendous, but we sorted methodically through things that revealed lots of gems. We learned a lot that we hadn’t known about our parents. What we chose to do, was look through for items we wanted, and then hired an Estate Sale company. They pulled items to sell, and took the remaining to charity, and shelters that my parents often provided for. It was so worth the money it cost to do this, as it saved our sanity. We both went home and did massive cleaning and organizing of our own homes, and vowed to NEVER leave a task like that to our loved ones. perusal this made me look around the house with itchy fingers, wondering what I can get rid of!
I come from a Swedish back ground on my mom’s side. Swedes are living in such close quarters they have to de-clutter because there is no room for anything that doesn’t work. They are also not very sentimental (as a rule), so getting rid of things is not a problem. They are also very frugal as a rule, therefore they don’t want to part with their money for things they don”t need or doesn’t have a function. Thank you for the article!
Hello! Swede here 🙂 I’ve been thinking a lot about this kind of cleaning since my mom passed in July -21. It took months to sort out all of her stuff: what to keep, what to sell, what to give away and what to throw away. It was a very heavy process for me and my sister and it really changed my perspective to the core. Thank you for doing this article 🙂 P.S I used to teach Swedish to immigrants so I just can’t help myself: Ö is pronounced like the “u” in “burn”. Ä is pronounced like the “a” in “bad”: Dö-städ-ning 🙂
I’m 74, and purging things so my daughters will not have to is big on my mind. I have one small memory bin, with a few things in it. Sometimes I think I should write a note as to what meaning they have. A project for another time. Tidying ever day before going to bed started when my children were very young, I worked with a person who was a volunteer firefighter, there was a front page picture of a house that had a fire, it was truly a mess. Commenting on it, he said, “you should see some of the houses we go into”. From that time, before bedtime, I would say to my kids, “straighten up incase the firemen come”. Now it never occurred to me that this would give them nightmares, which it didn’t, but it did develop the habit of tidying up. Now that I am older, I think to myself, straighten up incase the paramedics come….. Tidying up just becomes a habit.
When covid first hit and we are all in quarantine I did this with my sisters help. 3 years later I am right where I started (and waaayyyy more of what I had before). I got laid off in January and I am working on this at this very moment. I get so overwhelmed and my sister sees it but she knows it’s something I have to do on my own for my own mental well-being.
I always worry about if there’s ever an emergency and paramedics or my landlord has to come to my apartment I’d be mortified at how cluttered and messy my space is. Love this concept. Another good tip when deciding whether to keep something or not is to ask yourself if you could replace it in under 20 minutes for 20$ or less, if the answer is yes it’s easier to let it go.
I’ve been having a really hard time lately with decluttering things that belonged to my mom before she passed away, but I had a mental breakthrough recently that I feel I should share… most of the things I was holding onto, I didn’t even have specific memories that connected the item to my memories of her in any way. I was keeping it because it belonged to her. And the thing is, she was not a materialistic person. She raised me not to be materialistic… and yet I had been holding onto these things that had no inherent value, not even sentimental value because they weren’t even special or important to her. Individually these items reminded me of her (and ONLY because she once held them in her own hands) but collectively, I was almost disrespecting her memory in a way because she cared way more about people than about things. I don’t know if any of that makes sense, but that was something that really helped me declutter a lot of “sentimental” items that really had no actual sentimental value.
I currently host stuff from 4 different changes of dwellings, from a huge house to a medium-sized flat. And I kept as many items as I could, some in a basement with its door safely locked for 6 years now. Not even remembering what is inside. Your article gave me strength to change the things I can, and it’s starting right NOW. Thanks for your energy.
Dear Kallie: I think this article is my all time favorite. I have been on a de-cluttering campaign for about 6 months and the feeling I get when I open a cupboard or drawer that I’ve completed lasts and lasts. Your brother’s leather jacket story is one that touched me deeply. This past month I “let go” of my Mom’s china, keeping a divided vegetable serving piece. It was enough, I didn’t need everything else that took up two bins in my house. I bask in her memory. Thanks.
I am so happy I found this article!! My precious momma passed away 4 months ago and it has been a long sad process of going through all her 81 years of saving every little thing! It has been hard but also very comforting knowing how much she loved her family and saved every gift ever given to her. After finishing her house, garage, shop, she shed and tack room. Im going to do the Swedish death clean out on my home, shop garage she shed and tack room. If I haven’t used it in a year, I don’t need to keep it! I do not want my kids to ever have to do this when Im gone! Thank You for making this incredible article!!
I’m so glad others think about random strangers (ie detectives) looking through our things and thinking “what a slob”. Because you know that’s exactly what they are concerned with if you are missing and they are looking for clues. “Well clearly we can’t find any clues here, her panty drawer is so unorganized!” Two weeks later…”If she’s just been a better housekeeper she’d be alive today.”
I am from Sweden, and I absolutely love your article! 🙂 It is so pracitcal and done with so much humour, that the message comes through so much stronger. I am absolutely convinced that your article have helped a lot of people getting an easier, happier, and more managable life. All the best, Magnus in Sweden.
Hahahahaha I do the “clean your house at night just in case” thing too. I absolutely thought I was alone in this, and a total weirdo 😂😂 thanks for admitting that 😉 I once had to call for an ambulance for my daughter and there were like 10 first responders in my home. I can’t tell you how happy I was that my home was clean! I have four kids in a home your size (lol, as I was about to type “very small house” you mentioned your sq footage!) so that’s sort of rare. 😉
Thanks for sharing this! A few decades ago, my mom passed away really young. She was the greatest mom, and also she hoarded, thinking we’d want collections of everything under the sun when we got older. It was difficult to live with all the things when she was alive (I’m talking floor-to-ceiling, wall-to-wall), and it was especially difficult to live amongst them after she died. My dad was so stricken with grief and overwhelmed at the thought of throwing any of it away that it was left to my little brother and I (8 and 12, respectively) to throw things away and clean covertly if we wanted the house to become livable again; not a fun year. I really appreciate that people are thinking about how people grieve them after they’re gone— memories from life > stuff. I certainly think my mom would have done this had she realized how short her time with us was to have been. Tack <3
Just purchased the book! My sister passed away almost a year ago from Covid and she and her teenage granddaughter lived with us and shared our spare bedroom. I had to call an ambulance for her and so many things had to be removed in order for the paramedics to take her out of the room. After she passed away we had the task of clearing out her room and it was horribly filled to the max with so many things! I have clutter and I hoard too but not to the extent of my sister’s room. I’m in my 70’s and have had this burden on my heart to rid my home of excess stuff and seeing the title of this book explains exactly what I’m striving for! Thank you for sharing it!
It’s so interesting to see everyone’s process and preferences. I used to be a die hard keep the book jacket and keep it nice person, but in the last year or so I felt like taking jackets off books made them feel more grown up and display worthy. Also, just know that someone else was able to honor your brother by using his jacket as it was intended to live its jacket life.
My grandma started giving us the things she wants each of us to have as gifts for Christmas each year. As someone who has cleaned out houses after my dad died and then again my mom, I can say that It’s so much more special to have your loved one gift you the things they specifically want you to have while they’re still alive, and so much easier than to have to sort through a mountain of stuff while you’re already emotionally distraught and can’t imagine getting anything go. This helped her clear out her house and then move into a retirement community reducing her own burden but also that which is left for us.
My wonderful father-in-law passed away last year, and having been raised by Depression Era parents, he saved everything. My husband and his siblings are digging through barns (yep, plural) of stuff, from large outdated machinery and equipment and furniture to tools, clothes — basically anything that could one day be used or once had value. He also loved a good auction. It is completely overwhelming to contemplate. I am not a hoarder myself, but still — way too much. This practice is three-fold: easing into life where you’ve acquired enough to be comfortable, recognizing that needs and wants are often exclusive, and choosing to avoid burdening your kids and family. I adored my FIL — such a kind and loving and profoundly generous man, but the stuff is taking up so much time and energy. It’s been a good lesson for me in my 50’s to consider the less is more approach.
I just realized why I enjoy your articles so much, Kallie: anyone could present a list of principles for cleaning, organization, or efficiency and it would be valuable on some level … but it is YOUR unique perspective, the way you describe things, the analogies you use, and the personal stories you share that make your articles consistently extra special and take them to the top of my watchlist. Thank you so much for the time, effort, and heart you put in everything you do! 😊👏🏼❤️
YAY! I read the book a few years ago and immediately started implementing its lessons. Along with the KonMari Method it’s completely revolutionised by relationship to “stuff”. Another idea, from “The Art of Discarding”, is that stuff will eventually end up in a landfill. That’s stopped me buying so many things!
This makes perfect sense. I had that aha moment when we were cleaning out my aunt’s things after she passed away. She loved snow globes. Her collection was well over 3,000. A collector came in and offered $1,000 for the whole collection and they would box it up and take it. That amount of two 33 cents per snow dome. That was even for some that were hundreds of dollars for one. Just because I love it doesn’t mean my loved ones want it.
This is the first time I am hearing of this Swedish death cleaning. I’ve always liked to keep my filing cabinets organized and toss out old useless papers and donate things that don’t serve me anymore. It’s good to keep this type of cleaning up because I wouldn’t want to burden anyone with too many files, clothes, belongings. Speaking of I think it’s about time for another go around of decluttering.
Fantastic sunshine. I just recently started thinking about how my apartment is going to look like after I’m gone. A mild stroke and surgery put this into reality for me. All I could think of was what my landlords would be left with. Ugh! So 2022 is time for taking this on. I’ve been decluttering a bit each week prior to my surgery, however, this idea of death was a game changer. Reality check. Lol. Keep shining on sunshine. You rock. 🌞😎💚
I just helped my best friends (she passed) 2 daughters go through her clothes. Took many hours to just get through 2 closets. Called it a day without cleaning out the 3rd. We were shocked at the amount of clothes. I said right then “I will not do this to my girls.” So I really appreciate this article and I’m gonna get started on my own “stuff.” 😜
My siblings and I lived with our mom until she passed. She was a hoarder. Thankfully only on the moderate side(it would’ve been a boring episode of hoarders; my grandma on the other hand…), but we had to deal with all of her stuff after she passed. At least 95% of the stuff she left had to be thrown away. All that stuff she hoarded was just a burden and didn’t bring anything positive for her during her life and us after she passed. It really bring having a lot of stuff into perspective for us.
Best new idea – Christmas ornaments from a loved ones favorite clothing. This would work not just for people who’ve died, but also for children’s clothing with special meaning such as their first shoes or a dance costume. The same idea could be applied to other items such as a special piece of costume jewelry that you want to keep but know you wouldn’t wear. And in case it could be helpful, because it can be difficult to let go of some things, other keepsake ideas I like are using items to make blankets/quilts, pillows, and stuffed bears. In particular, bears made from those vintage furs all of our grandmothers had make wonderful keepsake gifts for other family members. You can use other things she owned to dress them and fashion them to resemble grandma as a special touch. On a completely different note, gotta say, as a long time X-Files fan, love the poster.
Years ago when I was still a child there was a family that disappeared. Mom, Dad and two kids. Their disappearance was never fully explained. Obviously, this was a terrible tragedy but what I remember most was my mother exclaiming over the unwashed dishes, scattered and cluttered house and the neglect of cleanliness. She was scandalized that any houseproud woman would go out the door leaving her house looking like that. Well, we’ve all been there, hustled out the door for something never knowing we weren’t coming back and having the local news station troop a busibody cameraman through your house to expose your bad housekeeping! At least that was the fear instilled in me. So, Swedish death cleaning that recognizes we are all prone to some level of hoarding and yes, we just might be found out! Appeals to my need to leave things as lovely as possible.
Yesterday I watched your 53 things to declutter article. Awesome! I stopped at each new category and went on search mission in my own home. Took me about 2 hours but I found 100 items now on way to thrift store or tossed out. Feels so good. Your articles are so practical and inspiring. Thank you, thank you, thank you ❤️
I watched one of my paranormal shows and the houses are USUALLY in decent shape inside and out, on this ONE episode, the people were going through some really rough times, which I can a million percent relate to, HOWEVER, this house Literally had LITERAL trash Everywhere in the house, especially on the floors. While I’m perusal the episode, I’m thinking the Spirits are haunting you bc you haven’t TRIED to clean the house in the 10 years you’ve been living there! It sadly looked like they should have been on an episode of Hoarders rather than Ghost Adventures. Plus, the whole time I was scared someone would call CPS because it seriously was NOT acceptable for their 3 children to be living like that. It was really sad and I was left wishing I could have known When they had filmed the episode, because I wanted to find a way to HELP them in cleaning out their house. It broke my heart. But I just sent your article to my dad bc we have a house that is literally busting at the seams bc my own dad and mother became hoarders after they retired. I live with my dad, still in the same house I grew up in since 1983, and it breaks my heart that he doesn’t seem to care that I WILL BE THE ONE who is going to have to decide on what to do with everything. My younger brother is no help either. So, since I take care of my dad full time, I wait till he’s sleeping and I started removing a few things at a time. So far he hasn’t noticed said items gone. I pray it stays that way. @butfirstcoffee
So this happened to me without even trying! We had a house fire 3 1/2 years ago and lost nearly everything (we were able to salvage a few things) which, frankly, was a bit of relief as I’d been thinking about all the stuff we had over 40+ years and who in the heck was going to care about any of it when we’re gone. Problem solved! I’ve only replaced essentials or bought things since then that bring me joy. So much less stuff for our boys to deal with when we’re gone! 😀
My parents lived through the great depression which brought out hoarding in so many Americans. Fast forward to when i was a teen they started flying all over the world…multiple times.. and collected amazing things from every country visited that were displayed very nicely throughout the house. Then they started genealogy which brought on tons of paper, that’s got to be the worst lol! Their house never appeared to be super cluttered but it was there trust me! They would never agree to really start going through and letting things go to family or to charity so after both passed (2014 & 2015) I was left to make all the decisions. I’m 64 and just retired and now am almost frantic to get through not only their things but my own that has accumulated all these years. I do NOT want my kids to be left with the burden and the guilt of getting rid of things that belonged to us. So this is now my goal this year and looking forward to the freedom it will bring. Every time I can get rid of just a little it’s still a wonderful feeling! Best of luck to all!!
10:00 Callie! I feel you! My guilty pleasure is shows about jail and prison inmates, so when I’m getting dressed to go out for errands, I always look in the mirror and think, “If something weird goes wrong and I end up in jail, is this what I’m going to be glad I’m wearing?” Totally irrational because I am way not a criminal, but still, every time. Thanks for sharing this about yourself and others. I feel less alone!😆
Having been on the brink of death several times when I was in my 30s, I often think about my loved ones having the burden of going through my stuff if I pass. I hate my clutter. If it’s overwhelming to me, I can only imagine what it would be like for someone else to sort through. I want better for me and the legacy I leave behind.💜
I’ve always found it so hard to get rid of things. Especially things from my mom. I recently talked to my mom about it and all the guilt I felt about it. Her reaction was basically “you still HAVE that? Get rid of that crap. If you don’t love it and you don’t want it, why dust it?” A lot of times we feel so much guilt around parting with gifts, but you have to think about what the person who gave it to you would say if you asked about it. Most times, they would not care and would want you to get rid of it.
I so need this right now. Going through divorce, wife of 25yrs moved out 18mths ago and we have a big house full of stuff. It’s hard enough to part with my own things but going through the kids things and some left by my ex wife is harder. The kids are 23 and 19 and away from home so I’m alone dealing with this and it stresses me a lot. I will buy this book to give me more focus hopefully. I have thought of many of the aspects you mention but the book should help, I hope. As for my workshop and tools that will be very hard, I have so many items kept for a future project…. Andy UK
Talking about whether or not to get rid of the kid stuff because you may have another kid, I can tell you I had a girl, then a boy, then I sold all the stuff at a yard sale thinking I was done. Three weeks later I found out I was pregnant and had to go re-buy all the baby/toddler stuff. I recommend holding on to it for a little while before ditching it.
The part about what if detectives went through your apartment… I FEEL THIS EXACT WAY. I live alone so it’s literally driven me to never leave my apartment with my bed unmade. Even if the hampers in my closet are overflowing I feel this obligation to leave behind an apartment that on a walkthrough says “she seems to have had her s**t together.” I always blamed perusal too much law and order 😆
When my children were little I started to participate in a large consignment sale 2 times a year. This was so helpful in getting rid of things and also recouping some of our money! It became a twice a year habit for ten years. We went through all 3 kids closets – trying on everything and getting rid of items they had outgrown. I also went through their toys twice a year. For my closet, I did the take-everything-out-and-put-on-your-bed method. That was eye opening. I got rid of half my closet when I did that. But put it on you bed! That way you have to deal with it or you can’t sleep in your bed! One thing I disagreed with is certain sentimental items. Strangely similar, I have a watch of one deceased brother and a jacket of another deceased brother. I will never get rid of them. I would rather get rid of 25 items in my closet than those 2 items. If you are in a place that it would feel freeing to let items like that go, that’s great. But don’t feel in your decluttering journey that you have to get rid of special items. Go get rid of a stack of paperwork or narrow down your kids 50 stuffed animals to 25! Seriously, clothes, toys and paperwork are what will make the most difference in clutter control!
We moved in February. Filled two skips of rubbish that were completely unnecessary! When my Nana passed last year, we filled 5 skips! She was 95. One thing she taught me, is always put names and dates on photos! I’m in the process of doing this with our Christmas items. Holy smokes, when and where did all this come from?
I started doing this after a wake up call of cleaning out my aunts house that had 70+ years of stuff in it. I had a really hard time with the fact that she had saved things that meant something to her and seeing it all just getting donated or tossed. I certainly don’t want my kids to have to deal with the emotional attachment that I’ve put on stuff.
I loved this article…even the irrational parts! 😉 Another attitude that really helps me to get rid of extra stuff is that someone else could immediately use this if I weren’t selfishly holding onto it for “maybe someday”. Blankets, coats, kid clothes, dishes, etc. Many of us have so much excess, so how about generously releasing our grip instead of keeping it tightly around stuff we know we don’t need? Easier said than done? Perhaps, but so freeing!
Two things you’re not alone on, first I totally thought it was like decluttering dead people’s clothes or something when I first heard about it. And second, I definitely do a little more cleaning while and after perusal murder shows. You know just in case some detectives have to come over and judge my life style choices 🤣
I’ve been doing this my whole life !! Didn’t know that someone wrote a book about it, not sure why I can’t be the one to capitalize on that fact …this became my practice in life when my father died when I was in my 20s . I spent a month with my Mother having estate sales and cleaning out !!!!!! I couldn’t even grieve for the work that had to be done .. fast forward, I refuse to die and leave people to deal with my shit !!!!!!! If I don’t use it and can’t remember that I even have it —- it goes !!! LET STUFF GO! They things I’ve held onto that belonged to my Mom, I’ve let it go .. because if I died, it wouldn’t mean anything to anyone else . Your story about the jacket is 💯 percent correct!
There’s also the feeling of being overwhelmed because you’ve been lazy for so long and maybe you’re not really a hoarder, you’re just lazy and then get to a point where the idea of decluttering is overwhelming so you don’t want to or even know where to get started. When I’m away, I can feel motivated to start today… Maybe do the “i’m going to do one area a day” or “work for only 2 hours” things.. but when you get home you’re just overwhelmed and all that motivation is gone.
For kids clothing, it isn’t just that the next baby could be a different gender. My Mom kept so much to use for her next baby who happened to be another girl. We were born in different seasons so a lot of pieces couldn’t be used again (i.e sweaters I wore at 4-6 months during a Canadian winter fit my sister in July…..).
My great grandmother grew up in the depression, and so she had trouble letting go of things for a long time. However, when she was in her 80s and living in a small apartment, she had one shelf of personal items. That was it. And so after she passed at 99, my grandfather and his brother had very little stuff to deal with. I think it granted them some closure that they would not have to drag out the whole situation until all of her belongings had been dealt with, because it was just done.
When my mom died over a year ago, my 4 older siblings and I had to clean out her room. She lived with our uncle, her older brother. The majority of items she had weren’t salvageable because they were broken/stained/ruined. A lot of things were frankly just garbage-random receipts and old paper work, screws (?? Why, she wasn’t a handy person lol) and just random things that most people would probably just think is garbage. I kept some old family trinkets she had handed down to her and pictures. It just kind of made me really start thinking about a lot of stuff I have and how if I were to die suddenly like my mom did, would I want my husband and son to have to go through all of my stuff and feel the same way I did? It just made me very conscious of what I have and needless to say I’ve donated a lot to goodwill and sent off a lot of clothing to ThredUP this last year.
This is so true Kallie. My mother recently passed away and we (4 kids) went through all her boxes of photos she didn’t get around to organizing or putting into albums. Impressively, my mother kept nearly every piece of school and art work any of us ever created. And guess what? Apart from a few small things, none of us wanted any of it. So all of these things that she cherished and moved from house to house for dozens of years no one wanted. Gave me new perspective to declutter my belongings. I have a gazillion photos myself and I also kept most of my children’s artwork from when they were younger 🤦🏻♀️.