Chinese parents continue to use corporal punishment (PV) as a form of parenting, despite the ban on hitting children. A recent law against abuse within the family has led to debates about the use of PV in Chinese parenting. Nearly 68.0 of parents admitted to some acts of PV behavior against their preschool children in the past three months. This legislation will override the jokes and mockery by telling the public that parents hitting their children is as illegal as physical violence between adult families.
A large-scale multi-national study found that Mainland Chinese children reported both mothers and fathers as more intrusive than American children of mostly European backgrounds. Nearly 80,000 children in China were estimated to have been abducted and hidden in divorce cases in 2019. Some Asian-American clients struggle with the notion of parental abuse, but love and abuse are not mutually exclusive.
Chinese law bans parents from using physical or psychological violence to teach children how to behave, but corporal punishment remains common in the country. Mothers were asked to share their disciplinary strategies for handling four hypothetical yet common situations in which children misbehaved. Although Chinese law bans parents from hitting their children, corporal punishment is common and viewed by many as an important tool for parenting.
Emotional abuse is not a universal issue in both Western and Chinese societies, with psychological aggression and PV being highly prevalent. As China revises its law on violence against minors, debate lingers over whether physical discipline is still an acceptable parenting method. Alternatives to spanking are gaining ground, and Asian parents have a more authoritative parenting style, which may be a mix of love and abuse or something else entirely.
📹 Do Parents in China Hit Their Kids?
How did Vivi’s parents punish her as a child in China? How did her punishments stack up against C-Milk, who grew up in the USA …
What is the Chinese attitude towards children?
In the past, the Chinese family unit was of paramount importance, with the concept of filial piety ensuring the care of parents and the provision of children. Sons were accorded preferential treatment on the grounds that they were deemed to perpetuate the family lineage. In Confucian society, failure to maintain this lineage was regarded as a personal failure.
Do children remember being spanked?
The recollection of being spanked during childhood can result in the development of intense anger and feelings of betrayal in adulthood.
How strict are Chinese parents?
Tiger parenting, a traditional Chinese parenting style, is often viewed as a form of parental devotion in many Asian cultures. Chinese parents use strict discipline and firm control to ensure their children act according to their wishes, often using comparative words to remind them that they need to catch up. Their traditions include physical and emotional closeness, establishing parental authority and child obedience through discipline.
Violence within parenting is common in many Asian cultures, including China, Hong Kong, India, Indonesia, Japan, Macau, Malaysia, Pakistan, Philippines, Singapore, South Korea, Taiwan, Thailand, and Vietnam. In the Western world, tiger parenting is considered child abuse, but it is considered parental devotion in cultures where it is accepted. Severe forms of violence may include spanking or slapping the child with an open hand or striking with household implements. A 2010 study on Chinese parenting found significant associations between physical discipline and parent report of child school problems.
Chua cites her parents’ newfound immigration experience in the United States and struggle to establish their roots in a foreign land as the reason for adopting a more utilitarian approach towards raising their children. Tiger parents enforce high expectations regarding their children’s academic performance, often holding unrealistic expectations regardless of the child’s ability or passion for studying. They also impose choices on their children as to which interests they choose to pursue, which critics argue restricts their children’s ability to discover their individual talents and passions.
However, proponents argue that their parenting strategy imbues children with self-control, self-regulation, and self-discipline, and will not produce excellent academic results if they let their child drift freely to develop their own interests.
In conclusion, tiger parenting is a unique and effective parenting style that has been embraced by many Asian parents.
What is the Chinese way of disciplining a child?
Chinese parents in the past used punishments and rewards as a form of discipline, maintaining a serious demeanor and believing they could never be wrong. However, the post-’90s generation, influenced by Western culture and a desire to strengthen bonds with their children, is adopting a different parenting philosophy. While some experts praise this approach, others caution against its potential negative effects on children, particularly young ones, as it may discourage misbehavior and have adverse consequences.
What happens if a Chinese family has more than 2 kids?
China has scrapped fines and allowed families to have as many children as they like without facing consequences. This follows the announcement in May that families could now have three children each. The move ended decades of restrictions on the number of children each household could have, as authorities tried to encourage births in the face of a rapidly aging population. Births dropped 15 last year, a fourth-straight year of decline. The move is part of China’s efforts to encourage births in the face of a rapidly aging population.
What is China brutal one child policy?
The one-child policy in China has had a significant impact on women’s reproductive rights, leading to societal pressures and child separations. The policy has resulted in 50, 000 to 60, 000 sterilizations and abortions, with some women being tied up for induced abortions. The legacy of this policy is complex, but it has led to fear, child separations, and deaths among women and families. The policy also extends beyond China, with many adopted children being trafficked into orphanages and women being trafficked from Myanmar to marry Chinese men due to gender imbalance. The one-child policy highlights the importance of addressing gender imbalance and ensuring women’s reproductive rights to prevent further harm.
Why are Chinese children well behaved?
Chinese children are socialized from an early age to understand that their parents’ control is based on love and affection, making them less likely to be angry or resistant to it. This socialization helps them develop a better understanding of their parents’ control. The site uses cookies, and all rights are reserved for text and data mining, AI training, and similar technologies. Open access content is licensed under Creative Commons terms.
What parenting style do Chinese parents use?
Scholars have noted that early Chinese parents, influenced by Confucian culture, espoused an authoritarian parenting style that emphasized filial piety and respect for authority, hierarchy, and social norms.
Are Chinese kids disciplined?
Traditional Chinese parenting beliefs may lead to harsh disciplinary practices to motivate children towards academic, social, and moral goals. This is influenced by traditional Chinese parenting beliefs. ScienceDirect uses cookies and other technologies for content mining and AI training, with Creative Commons licensing terms applied for open access content. By continuing, users agree to the use of cookies.
What is the parenting style of Chinese parents?
Scholars have noted that early Chinese parents, influenced by Confucian culture, espoused an authoritarian parenting style that emphasized filial piety and respect for authority, hierarchy, and social norms.
Is China to consider law to punish parents for their children’s bad behavior?
China’s draft family education promotion law aims to address the issue of inappropriate family education among adolescents. If prosecutors find bad or criminal behavior in children under guardians’ care, they will be reprimanded and ordered to undergo family education guidance programs. The law, which will be reviewed at the National People’s Congress (NPC) Standing Committee session, also encourages parents to schedule time for their children to rest, play, and exercise.
📹 HOW ASIAN PARENTS DISCIPLINE THEIR KIDS? (5 TYPES OF ASIAN BEATINGS AND PUNISHMENTS)
How Asian parents discipline their kids? 5 types of Asian punishments and beatings that every Asian child (well-most) have …
My dad never beat me. He was a metalworker moving like 20 tons of metalparts a day by hand before he wielded them. So he was and still is a pretty strong guy. He was too affraid to beat me and crush my bones in the process. So my mom used to beat me. She broke several kitchen spoons on my body…the worst part of it is, that I don’t know anymore what I did to justify that. So it was basically totally useless. No lessons learned at all. Also when I was like 5 or so I suddenly started to not sensing that I made a mess in my pants at night. It just happened. Mum forced cold showers on me for “purposefully making a mess in my pants”. After several months of allmost daily cold showers they thought a doctor might get be the better solution…And it indeed did. The doctor solved the problem allmost instantly.
Cmilk – you forgot some of the best punishments you had as a kid. Like when you always forgot to take out the trash and recycling so it was put in your bedroom instead, and when you got to the dinner table and your plate was face down meaning that you couldn’t eat until you took care of the chores you had neglected.
Perhaps the most memorable and effective punishment I received as a kid (preschool age) came as a result of my cousin and I playing with matches. In the middle of the night, he and I were lighting candles and burning little pieces of paper. In my infinite 4 year old wisdom, I lit the corner of calendar (on the wall) and the whole thing went up pretty quickly – at which point adults woke up and were rightly furious. My mother took all of my favorite toys out into the driveway and made me watch them burn. Effective…kids like toys. For a 22 year old mom, she definitely nailed a serious situation.
I can’t get on board with the whole parents are always right in the chinese Culture. I know alot of chinese people including my wife. And they subscibe to this nonsense even though alot of their parents didn’t even go to school and the things they push are completely insane. Plus, I think it destroys any chance of having a friendship with your parents. Since so many people I know (THAT ARE 30+ YEARS OLD) still live in fear of their parents. Your parents are always right? No your parents are completely insane from unchecked power. Sorry for the rant, this topic drives me crazy.
Man, I had both Liv’s and your experience from my parents when growing up. I got spanked with belts, willow switches, hands several times, and falsely accused and punished. Also got time outs along with other restrictions, and verbal threats. When I turned 18 and could move out, my mother tried to get me to agree to at least contact once a month as a condition. She threatened to make me move back if I didn’t. I had to go to the local court house to find out what my legal rights where. Turned out since I graduated high school, had my own place and a job that she couldn’t do anything. That was way back in 1966. Now, in the US, physical punishment is very rare, since we are very much against it. In China, from Liv’s comments, it sound as they are still more into physical punishment to force compliant behavior. Too, parental respect seems very important – more so than in the US. Thanks for the interesting article! Hope to see more. 🙂
I really, really, really like “Supernanny” the English gal – on UTube. Great technique of setting up a schedule (so kids know what to expect) and rules of behavior – ie setting boundaries and then a very comprehensive time out – naughty chair for little ones and a reflection time – to take notes for older kids. Watched hours of episodes until I got it down and now I employ it with pushy adults. I love how there is – rules gone over – a warning -3 min per year of child -an explanation of what rule broken – parent returns for an apology – hugs of forgiveness – everyone let’s go and moves on One calcitrant spoiled little kid took 2 ½ hours of being put back on the chair until he gave up. Only works if parent decides to be in charge of enforcing acceptable behavior and perseveres!
my wife growing up in chengdu was told by her mother “if you dont finish your breakfast you can NOT go to school” WTF? it scared the crap out of her as she would have problems from the teachers. she had to eat everything even if she was not hungry. trying to imagine if this would work with british kids,,,,,,, er,,,,,,,,,,,,, no chance.
Clickbait title would be “Child Abuse in China – Greatest Hits” – But that would be a pun I would understand Vivi … punishing you for. Then you can say “Don’t hit me! I have a childlike soul!” and turn her into a demon of vengeance. 2:00 Patents – No matter how Wong they are, they are always Wright. 3:38 “My Dad loves to use a hanger.” – “Like a clothes hanger?” – No, like an airport hangar. – Don’t you talk back to me like that! I’m gonna call the tower! 4:00 “You said he uses a hanger. … Does what with it?” – He uses it and makes me watch. x( – O_O 4:45 “What other things were you beaten with?” – When we were on vacation in South Korea, he beat me with a totally underrated League of Legends class. I was like – “LoL, WTF?!” and he was like: “Don’t you talk back to me like that!” and I had to watch the replay. 8:48 You can’t keep getting hung up in those old memories, Vivi. Matt, your competitive rating thing there is getting ridiculous. Comparing child abuses received and winning by your own rules. That’s … I can’t find a word for that. ;-D
I was beat up, stabbed, knocked out, boiling water, and loads of mental abuse every time my step-dad was drinking. I’m from Sweden, but I feel that i have to add that my upbringing was not normal. In Sweden that’s really liberal it became illegal to spank or use any physical punishment back in the 60’s Sweden was the first country in the world that outlawed all corporal punishment of children.
My mother punished me with an electric cord, a metal coat hanger and a wooden spoon, though not to the point of injury. My father (an infantry officer with about 20 confirmed kills in WW2, yet very gentle natured) was ridiculed by his peers because he did not believe in striking children at all (unusual in the 1950s and 60s). School used to punish with the cane (four or six hits to the hands), a short leather strap (similar), ‘bum-stingers’ (using the edge of a ruler) or detention. They did not do corporal punishment for students in their senior year. Can’t say I was particularly traumatised or affected by any of it at all. My father was investigated when he was quite old because one of my sisters claimed (in drug rehab) he had held her up by her feet and beaten her when little. Fortunately my older sister remembered the event and that it was when she had swallowed some coins and nearly choked on them. My father had lifted her up and struck her back so the coins would be released. Her hospital admission records afterwards confirmed the story.
My sister and I were caned a lot throughout our childhood. Caning for failing to meet targeted marks during tests/exams, throwing tantrums, not polite enough, lie, not coming home on time, etc. One time I got 80-ish for my Maths exam and my mum wanted me to have a minimum of 93. I was so scared that I couldn’t speak during my journey home. I got caned for the difference in marks. In school, it was common to see one another covered with cane marks all over our bodies. There are other forms of punishments for disobedience. E.g. Having chili rubbed onto our lips and mouth if we told lies or talk back, kneeling on cockle shells, instead of being caned, we got whipped by our father’s belt, and so on. Usually whenever a kid got punished, the kid’s cries could be clearly heard by neighbors throughout the block of apartment.
Great to see Vivi back, hope you both get plenty of rest before Olivia wakes up : ) One question, I thought of this when Vivi mentioned she wished she had siblings, how many kids are you ALLOWED to have in China, not suggesting you want anymore right now, since your a foreigner does the population control laws still apply to you guys. P.S i know they increased the limit to two kids now.
My parents never punish us, but school was bad, caning was the norm, kneeling on rough cement pavement on bare knees in the hot sun until the knee bleed. Punishment was not given because you did bad thing, it was because you can’t answer some maths question or something like that. : One wrong answer one stroke of caning on the bare backside.
worst one waswhen i was 5 yrs old i wasnt used to referring to my dad as “dad”. i would just call him sir. anyways mom tells me to let him know it was time to pick up the pizza we ordered. i went over and said “daddy mom said the pizza is ready” he literally beat the shit out of me with the belt. i never since that day have called him dad father or anything like that. obviously he grew as a person and eventually was sorry and has asked me several times to call him dad but i just cant do it, it feels wrong.
Dude, I was raised with horses with an emphasis on snaffle bits. Reins for a snaffle bit are two 1″ wide, 6′ long, very sturdy, thick leather straps. We were always braiding the ends around a piece of tack, often in the house. They were always around. I started out as a good kid and slowly became a very sneaky kid. Oh, and my parents adopted a drug dog who had been retired because he survived a gunshot. Guess what has two thumbs and never experimented with any drugs? This guy!
I understand parents and mine were no different than yours. My mom would beat me, and my dad would also beat me too. But my father did not hit me as much and would make me feel so disappointed that I had let him down. And that made me feel so bad that I had disrespected my father. I really respected my dad and all in all he was a good man considering the troubles I brought to the family.
I had many punishments as a kid and some punishment many people might consider abusive. I love my parents and I think they did the best they knew how when raising me. I’m not saying it was right or wrong just that her parents probably did the best they knew how, too. If you notice she clearly loves her parents and I’m sure they love her too. You cannot blame people for trying their best.
I grew up in east Africa and once been punished by dad for skipping school and when he caught me he used his belt and was marched all the way to school and was being hit on my bottom. My mom was the punisher in general, Big offences are like talking back, lying and cursing and fighting if you started it all punishable with a belt on your behind. Total punishment I received from my mom =2 once for commenting about stuff when her friends were with her and was dimmed rude and the other was lying while new exactly what happened!
You guys had it a little easy. My parents are great but when it comes to punishment in the southern half of the U.S. it gets to be mental punishment and physical punishment. 1: go outside and choose the switch (flexible tree branch) for spanking. 2: The leather belt or horse whip. 3: Metal coat hanger or flexible plastic coat hanger. 4: Take things away (like in the article). 5: forced to get rid of something you like. 6: You yourself pay for anything you break (after the first thing the empty pockets made it clear). And thats only the things I can remember right now. As you can see, It is way different and does teach you what not to do!! You guys had it easy LOL!
I am from Dominican Republic and my parents to punish me when I did something really bad by hitting my with a long tree branch of my picking and then after I had cuts in various part of my body they cleaned me up with alcohol and lemon with salt, which sting like hell. What I hated about it was the branch picking (if you picked the short and weak one you used to get hit you with it hard and then ask to go back until you get a really long and strong one).
I was a pretty good kid and even if I was bad my parents knew that grounding me wouldn’t work, so I’d get sent to my room until they come into lecture me. And at my schools, I’ve only gotten a detention once even thought I use to skip daily and talk back to the teachers. At my middle school, on Friday you could go out for lunch cause we were in the middle of town around all these restaurants. My teachers wouldn’t care if I skipped, but if I didn’t do homework they’d get upset (until they realize that I don’t do homework no matter how hard they try to make me, don’t make me do work at home that’s why I’m in this building for 6 hours, teach me here) and our punishment would be to stay in the school during Friday lunch and you’re my aloud to go to the cafeteria either, so if you are in trouble the teachers won’t let you eat because no one brought food, we all bought it there. One teacher even smashed my first iPhone because I was taking it out of the main pocket in my backpack and switching it to a smaller pocket so it wouldn’t break, then the teacher confiscated it (and my friends calculator cause she’s so dumb she thought it was a phone -__-) and smashed them both up, then came back to apologize to my friend because she realized she took and smashed a calculator for no reason 😂
Oh your kids could call police on parents and report abuse. I used to donate children’s things to this place that would take children in if you were at a breaking point or needed surgery and no one to care for your children. Threatened to leave my son there. Dont think he would have cared. He’s 33 now. Served 13 yrs in military.
I know this is not the case with all Chinese tourist but why is the bathroom situation lost in translation sometimes? I’ve seen it in real life, and many times online of Chinese people letting there kids shit in bush, or in a bucket in train etc, and it’s not only the kids… I was in my local mall when I watched a mother take her child to a wishing well ( fountain where people throw in coins and make a wish ) sat him on the edge butt hanging over the water and let him shit in the fountain. Some poor janitor had to fish out floating turds from the wishing well. And that’s when I went online to see many articles of similar situation. Puts new meaning to the phrase ” when you gotta go, you gotta go “. And both the mom and child had no shame in the wishing well situation like they either didn’t know this was ” wrong ” or they didn’t care.
I was very rebellious as a teen, largely I think because of my parents’ style of punishment. The main problem with my parents is that they already perpetually took away most of my entertainment by default, so they had no profound way to bargain with me. Another downside of my parents taking my entertainment away is that I eventually learned how to secretly bypass my computer’s parental controls by booting another Windows OS from a usb. My parents’ strategy did not work at all on me. To any (prospective) parents out there, please consider adequately rewarding your children for their effort and merit. When handing out a punishment, please do not take away your children’s entertainment for too long each time, and make sure to set them realistic goals on how to get back their entertainment. From a purely Machiavellian perspective, your children need to have something to lose in order to fear the punishment of losing it. Just my two cents.
Talking back was big with me. lol Like they’d send me to my room, then later come up to lecture me, and I’d say, “You can send me here as long as you want, but this is my room and I decide who can or can’t come in. Get out.” I don’t know what I was thinking, perhaps I wanted to make it like me having the final word in the argument.
I got belted and some beats I mostly deserved it but ironically the punishment I feared most was standing with my nose pressed to the corner some times for hours. I’d rather the belt. Also the moment I fought back and my dad knew I was stronger than him I saw pride in his eyes and it brought us closer together. I would never do the same. Boredom of the corner is the worst punishment ever. He always told me after he loved me and it hurt him to do that.
One time I sneezed 4 times and my mom told me to not sneeze, I told her that I couldn’t control it and then she slapped me. I’m not trying to be rude to her, I talked back bc I don’t want her to get angry at me every time I sneeze. It feels like she cares more about her ego, always being right, and her craving respect from me rather than listening to me. It doesn’t feel like I’m her daughter. It feels like I’m this property that she owns just because I came out of her.
Love the thug life sunglasses, hilarious. Can you do a vs episode on eating etiquette and dining, for example in the west on your birthday, everyone pays for you, in china you have to pay. Also, when I’m in Mcdonalds or subway in Beijing, everyone looks at me like I’m a complete weirdo because I don’t eat the sub or burger with the wrapper. thought it might be an interesting topic
The 1st most important thing on integrity is keeping your time agreements or, re negotiating them. Kids do not have this skill built in, parents need to teach them this by staying in integrity themselves. If you lie to children, they will lie to you. Lying, however is extremely important survival skill. Kids, and yes you, started lying at the age of two… To punish someone, physically that is more than a third your size is what? Yes abuse. We dont get taught these things in school now do we?
My punishments in the US (late 50’s and 60’s) are very similar to Vivi’s experience. Primarily it was corporeal punishment with a belt, open hand or willow tree branch on the posterior or legs. The metal clothes hanger did make a guest appearance every once in a while. Using bad language would result in your mouth being washed out with a bar of soap. From my experience, it appears that many social viewpoints and behaviors from the 80’s to present are very similar to the American view/actions from the 50/60’s. On a related note; the pollution that I saw in Los Angeles and Birmingham Alabama in the 70’s is very similar to the pollution levels in much of China today. European and American corporations moved jobs AND pollution to China.
I was a pretty good kid except when high school hit. I cut school a lot but the parents never hit me or anything. the only time my dad laid his hands pn me was when I was five years old and the little boy next door pushed me against the wall and kissed me. dad came home, saw us and freaked out. all I remember is kneeling on the floor crying. I was five years old and framed :'( don’t know if I believe in hitting your kids but it better be a legit reason instead of a hidden one. I hate people who make up excuses for what they do. don’t take out your frustrations on your kid. it ain’t right.
Most Chinese parents I knew never hit their kids, but just yelled at them or made outrageous empty threats. And the chief things they complained about their kids wasn’t lying or talking back or stealing, but not eating enough or not wearing enough clothing or not studying enough. My rule of thumb that no culture is better or worse than any other was severely challenged by parenting in China.
I’m from the USA, and I got my ass beat growing up… with belts, with electrical cords, with literally anything my mom could grab. Hell, my grandpa babysitting me once hit me over the head with a solid wooden cutting board. (For the record, my Chinese/Viet (half/half) husband got beat less than I did as a kid.)
Cmilk, in the article you are composed and supportive to your wife, and the outrage you show about how she was treated is pretty muted. I wondered if that was because you already knew some of what it was like for her, and because you know cultural norms are different, and also because you need to not be too harsh against your in-laws in a public forum in order to get along. You talk about still being angry about a punishment you received and you seem to be perceptive about people, and tuned in to what your wife is feeling, so I assume you feel for her and possibly feel a little angry about how she was treated as a child. But I also know my assumption can be off for lots of reasons, e.g. you know about her feelings and perhaps can see that she has peace about her experiences, recognizes her parents love her, and perhaps carries no more hurt than you do. I guess all I really want to say is that this honest sharing about childhood experiences is like a public service the two of you have provided – helping the rest of us to compare and contrast our own experiences. Thank you.
My parents are nice but they would hit me if I talk back or did bad things. Of course not that hard. Us asians, even though our parents hits us, they would always give us food, bring us out or treat us nicely afterwards. They are not at all bad. Wait, I forgot. Manners and education is IMPORTANT. Not only chinese, a lot of asians use this way of disiplin. I remember in elementary school when me and some of my classmates are going to get canned by the teacher for having bad results or not doing homework finish… WE LAUGHED. Because it doesnt hurt at all, they did not hit hard enough. Maybe it is because we are too used to pain. It goes like this Teacher: Put out you hands! Whip students one by one until me. (Heart beating nervously) Whip! (Closes eys.) Me:hn? That fast? It doesnt hurt at all. Girl A: hey, it doent hurt right? Me:Yeah! BoyA: heh, must be because the cane is bigger. Me:huhuhu…the bigger it is, the lesser the pain. Thank goodness it is not the thin one. Boy B: ceh~ not painful at all. Has the teacher gotten soft or something? Macam sakit tapi bukan (malay) *snicker *snicker After that, tell the WHOLE class our experience while joking about it. Other students: Oh…so it doent hurt at all this time smirk Either way, none of it really hurts at all. We were just too used to pain. Getting a hard hit at the stomach or back counts as a… Joke. Us students hit each other too sometimes as a joke. But I hate it when my friend pinch my stomach. It huuurts!!!
My father would beat the crap out of me. Physical and verbal abuse. However you did NOT make same mistake and grew up knowing right from wrong. My son i didn’t want the same for him. No bare hand no belt no kick in ass. I talked to him. Did time out. Took things away. What a joke!! He did not care. There was NO punishment he couldn’t survive. Someone suggested dirty jobs like picking up dog poop. Cleaning toilets. Nope. Was a joke.
Wow, those punishments were extreme, in different ways. Poor Vivi that’s just straight up child abuse in my opinion. The American punishments seem more reasonable, but just way too long. Losing article games or CD’s for months?? Sending to your room for the day? I always talk it out with my kids, work out what they’re doing and why, they don’t ever really have punishments, and teachers tell me they are the best behaved and politest at school. We do work on that “public face” and reputation like Vivi was talking about though. I can’t imagine having a scar from a punishment, and then she feels shame looking at it – if I was a parent i would feel shame knowing what I did to my child for the rest of my life! I’m really sorry that happened to you! I realize there is a big cultural divide here, but it doesn’t have to be like that, really, it doesn’t. Thank you for sharing it.
my parents never took anything away from me, they would just break it haha, we got grounded for simple things and spanked if anything, been hit in head with pipe, spanked with hanger, belt, boards, cooking spoons, grill spatula, extension cord, my dad even made a heavy paddle. also lots of manual labor, mowing 7 acre pasture with push mower, dig ditches in the rock hard red clay of north east GA, i guess thats why i never got in trouble in school and made good grades haha big difference between the south vs the north in the USA. we also still had teachers spank us in MS was crazy when i moved to GA and they didnt spank in school,
For those saying hitting a child is abuse, its all about context. Most people in China were poor 30-40 years ago. Add to that the one child policy and NO welfare of any kind. So they had to make 100% sure their child grew up with strong discipline to behave properly and study hard to better themselves, in fact to try to be better than everyone else. It was the ONLY way to ensure you basically don’t starve to death in old age – make sure your kid had the discipline to get a good education and good job so there was money in the family to pay for healthcare and food. There was absolutely NO room for half-hearted efforts or a lazy mentality that’s now so common in the west. Its easy to have a western liberal attitude when the state will look after you if you don’t have to bother to be better than the next person.
I was never physically punished so severely as a child but I had my fair share of spanking and kneeling for hours. But after I entered middle school, only verbal reprimand are more common. Both my parents are from poor families and children above primarily school have to pull their own weight for the family. So if any of us get physically punish after that means we screwed up big time.
Interesting differences. I grew up in the U.S. in the 70’s and 80’s. I went to a fundamentalist christian school where corporal punishment was regularly practiced. I got hit on the backside with a wooden paddle for cursing at school. At home my mother used a wooden kitchen spoon or a hot wheels race track on us. My father used his belt. I was the eldest sibling and was held responsible for the behaviors of my younger siblings as well. If my younger siblings were punished I got the same punishment along side them. My younger siblings did not mind me. If I was caught beating my younger siblings I would be punished for that as well.
Many comment justify hard parent. although include me that got hardly beaten by my dad, I still understand my dad why doing that. 1. My dad had hardly live because of war and economy demand strong mentality. 2. My dad not get enough formal education to educate his childs. 3. As Chinese, we have to take care our parent whatever how bad is them. (This is righteous, think if you the parent. “not always good parent get fair treatment from his child”)
8:40 if they lived in America the dad would’ve been put in prison for child abuse along with the “beating up” parts. In America things have changed. They say that hitting your child is ok but if it leaves a bruise it’s abuse when reported. Before it was normal for a parent to put soap in their mouths,. I’m not too sure if that’s illegal or not but a lot of parents disagree with doing that due to the harmful chemicals in the soap. In many cases, parents can get in trouble for verbal abuse if brought up in court. Teachers can’t hit kids anymore or you’ll lose your job. Is everything the same back in China? Or have their discipline acts lighten to what westerns are used to?
I spanked my kids. I will not put up with a smart mouth. I have 3 grown children that have never embarrassed me by their actions. I also never really ever HAD to beat them after they were 6 or so…just the threat of it was enough to get them to behave. I was spanked as well when I was young…but not abused. If you ever hit a child out of anger…you are repulsive.
i didnt get whoppings often… like four times in my life… But i swear i deserved every last one. My mom was so patient with me and I normally was a great kid but every once in a while i would just do some crazy stuff…idky. But my whoppings were with her hand or a belt and she it was terrible because most of it consisted of my ok talking to me forever. I love my mom.
Wow, and I thought Indian parents were strict! Once my mum (my dad never raised his hand on me or even shouted on me) realised that beating me up only made me feel like a brave martyr and didn’t really serve the purpose of punishment, she stopped and started doing the things C-milk’s parents did 😀 So I got lucky. Single child here
My mom used to beat me. Not my dad. He occasionally beat me. 😂 But my mom….😂 I got beat up by her sandel, my school shoes, Rubber pipe, wooden rular. Some time trees branch. So basically anything my mom finds at that time in her hand she used on me. And reason is not studying, not completing homework or playing whole day etc. So any action which pissed her off. Then she used her special art. 😂😂
C-milk: I get time out and my article games & toys taken away for punishment Vivi: I get beaten and hung up on a tree. I get whipped and abused. I would get humiliated and tortured! I would get blamed for being only child and being bad for a punishment! Lmao c-milk was lucky compared to Vivi LMAO I’m so happy I’m ABC
Brings back those oldies but goody memories, never got lashed however lots of good ol shaming bare ass spankings, maybe a slap or two, closet time isolation, and long 3rd degree parental counseling/venting on the evils of doing whatever transgression it was. My guess is that each generation feels the following generation is less strict because you think no way I am going to put my kid thru that experience. In my world the punishment was shame over guilt.
I wonder if Vivi perhaps exaggerated her punishments just a little bit? Hanging upside down on a tree? Hitting with a metal hanger or plastic? rod all over. That just sounds like an abuse to me. I think occasional, moderate spanking or even whipping is not a problem for the worst offenses. But human beings have a particular body part which is uniquely designed for physical punishments 🙂
High five??? Dude, do Chinese girl’s get kissed on the lips outside of bed? If it’s not too personal, are there any problems getting her (Chinese) to cooperate with the husband’s sexual advances even if frequent? American women definitely aren’t passive in any way and most aren’t thinking about marrying the first guy they meet anywhere.
people that have one child have the tendency to spoil that child and if they have more than one child then they have the tendency to spank them because of stress. Jesus Fucking Christ man, your husband should be aware that his mother-in-law is more than likely going to spank his daughter, so will his father-in-law, and you will wind up repeating what your parents do too. How you raise your child is one of the most important things in marriage, it shows what kind of person you and it does shapen your Child’s future.
Both of you are wrong. Would you think about punishing your boss? Perhaps in a fantasy. I have a 16 and 14 year old. Occasionally, for safety, we’ve raised voices, but we’ve never punished. We’ve shown them disappointment and hopefully led by example. I know for a fact that my children are very sensitive and well behaved; in the way they look at their cousins, because of that sense of parental and personal reflection and disappointment. Don’t look to your parents. I think the way the USA forces children to daily swear their oath is ridiculous and offensive. China, I’m sure has equally absurd rules. Make your own path. e
Damn well after reading the comments i’ve gotta throw my 2 cents in… Firstly punishment is different from abuse. growing up i progressed from Hand, wooden spoon, belt then finally the power cord. Thing is, was always deserved. I was a shit of a child but… i respect my elders, have no criminal record and am doing ok… kids these days are seriously fucked in the head. In my city about a dozen cars are stolen each week and hey the perps are 12yr old kids who know that punishment is gonna be next to nothing…. flog the shit out of them a few times and i bet they’d stop… but no hitting kids is wrong…have any of you noticed the social differences between the west and the east…. think they might be on to something there but its too late for the west we are now at the point where kids who weren’t hit growing up are having kids and its just snow balling from there.
I got my ass beat. Lol.. no talking back parent is right.. and they eat first.. and grades .. if I got a C they would get the belt and a switch which is a branch . If my dad would say jump you don’t ask how high just start jumping. Man I got treated like a Chinese girl. Lol.. I ended up marrying someone that was spoiled and got what he wanted . Lol and didn’t really respect his mom.. well wasn’t horrible to his mom just not like I was with my parents.. just crazy that not even my class mates had A life like mine.. But I can relate to this girl.. I serve everyone first before I eat when my In laws come.. I give them my seats and I sit on the floor.. kind of crazy how similar my life is compared to this girl.
+laowhy86 Things taken away…your parents were monks compared to mine. I got things thrown (literally) away or at me, then beaten (literally).All I know is, every beating, thing thrown, and degrade I got-made me a nicer person too my fellow man. Simply because I learned mercy (something never shown to me). I didn’t steal, I didn’t get in fights-I got beatings for making grades from 70 down (c-), for kissing girls (I’m a guy btw), for drawing anime chars in my room (at home), for playing power rangers or yugioh with my friends…yeah my childhood was rough.
Great article! The BIGGEST problem with parents in Western countries these days is that they no longer spank their kids (when they need to be spanked). For Vivi, sounds like you were troublesome, but your parents fixed that (although, even by my standards, I think they went too far). For my kids, the few times they did act up, they regretted it!!