Engaging in dangerous hobbies can be a high-stakes balance of risk and adrenaline, and safety hinges on understanding the potential for accidents and the potential dangers involved. This article explores various hobbies that embody living on the edge, such as skydiving, base jumping, and big wave surfing. Midshipmen should apply “do not lie, cheat, or steal” to their lives inside and outside the Academy, becoming men and women of honor.
Hazardous duty is essential to avoid exposing midshipmen to hostile or combat environments. They should not be assigned to activities such as driving 150 miles per hour or building to avoid creating “missile” hazards. Midshipmen should not be assigned to items like guitars, stereos, recreational sporting equipment, microwaves, iPods, hot pots/electric kettles, fans, etc.
Plebe year will be tough and may require giving up many things, but there are still many activities that can be participated in. Midshipmen billet holders have direct responsibility for evaluating subordinates and closely observe their performance. Any involvement in hazardous activities, such as scuba diving or hang gliding, needs approval from their Battalion Officer via their Battalion Officer’s Battalion Officer.
The Superintendent of the U.S. Naval Academy is authorized to prescribe insignia for the use of midshipmen within the limits of the U.S. Naval Academy. Plebes have all rights taken away and gradually returned as privileges, including basic things like walking. By staying safe while taking on new adventures, midshipmen can feed their adventurous soul and become men and women of honor.
📹 Why Were These Seafaring Jobs So Deadly? | Worst Jobs In History
Among the thankless tasks tackled by Tony this week are the work of the midshipman, lighthouse keeper, stoker and trimmer, the …
What is the role of a midshipman?
Midshipmen undergo command and leadership training in the Beaver Battalion, which simulates an operational unit. This training emphasizes time management, personal accountability, management decision making, and command leadership. Midshipmen learn followership as freshmen and have opportunities to plan and coordinate major battalion functions, community volunteer activities, lead drill/color guard and inter/intra-unit competitive military exercises, and practice battalion management and administration.
Summer Cruise Training is a 4-6 week professional training program for midshipmen, followed by scholarship trips to observe and participate in U. S. Navy and Marine Corps operations. This summer training helps midshipmen make informed career decisions, gain hands-on experience, and reinforce leadership training through practical application.
What are the 6 codes of conduct?
A code of conduct should include a message from the chief executive officer, the organization’s values, guidelines for respecting employees and clients, reporting procedures, consequences for violations, and resources to ensure ethical behavior.
What is the service obligation for Naval Academy?
Naval Academy students are midshipmen on Active Duty in the U. S. Navy, attending for four years and graduating with Bachelor of Science degrees and commissions as Ensigns in the Navy or Second Lieutenants in the Marine Corps. Graduates serve at least five years in the Navy or Marine Corps. The Academy has a high graduation rate, 89, and an 8:1 student-faculty ratio. Kaylah Gillums, raised in a military family, chose to attend the Naval Academy to pursue her academic goals and serve her country upon graduation.
What do you call a female midshipman?
The Naval Academy is a four-year program for both men and women, known as the Brigade of Midshipmen. The student body is called the Fleet, and the Naval Academy’s philosophy, curriculum, and daily life are described. The experience is challenging, tightly structured, and designed to push students beyond their perceived limits. The four years at Annapolis are designed to prepare students for the rigors of Plebe Summer, leadership roles, and graduation.
Upon arrival, students learn a new vocabulary of naval terms, such as “deck”, “bulkhead”, and “head”. Midshipmen seniority is stated differently from traditional college terms, and the academy’s philosophy, curriculum, and daily life are designed to push students beyond their perceived limits. The four years at Annapolis are designed to push students beyond their perceived limits.
Are midshipmen subject to UCMJ?
Cadets and midshipmen at the United States Military Academy, United States Naval Academy, United States Air Force Academy, and United States Coast Guard Academy are subject to the UCMJ at all times as they are in active duty status as members of the regular component while serving at a Military Service Academy. Army and Air Force Reserve Officers’ Training Corps (ROTC) cadets are not subject to the UCMJ, except during inactive or active duty training.
Midshipmen of the United States Merchant Marine Academy and Navy ROTC (including marine-option) midshipmen are also subject to the UCMJ. Members of military auxiliaries, such as the Civil Air Patrol and Coast Guard Auxiliary, are not subject to the UCMJ, but Coast Guard Auxiliary members can be called into the Temporary Reserve.
Who do midshipmen outrank?
In the modern United States Navy, midshipmen are classified as an officer of the line, with their authority limited by their training status. They are a special grade of uncommissioned officer that ranks between the senior noncommissioned enlisted grade (E-9) and the lowest grade of chief warrant officer (W-2, in the U. S. Coast Guard). Students at the United States Naval Academy (USNA) are appointed to Office as midshipmen, United States Navy, by the President, without Senate confirmation.
Students at the United States Merchant Marine Academy (USMMA) are appointed to Office as midshipmen, United States Navy Reserve, by the Secretary of the Navy, using delegated Presidential authority. Students in the Naval Reserve Officer Training Corps (NROTC) are also appointed to Office as midshipmen, United States Navy Reserve, by the Secretary of the Navy, without Senate confirmation.
A nomination from a member of Congress or the Vice President is required to receive an appointment to the USNA, but a nomination does not guarantee an appointment. Currently, each member of Congress and the Vice President can have five appointees attending the Naval Academy at an
y time. Other nomination sources include the Secretary of the Navy, the President, children of Medal of Honor recipients, select cadets of JROTC Honor Unit with Distinction units, and the United States Merchant Marine Academy. There are currently no Presidential, Vice-Presidential, military-affiliated, JROTC-honor unit, ROTC or Unit Commander, or Medal of Honor nominations permitted to the USMMA.
Why do officers not fraternize with enlisted?
The Navy’s policy on fraternization prohibits unduly familiar relationships between officers and enlisted members, regardless of rank or grade. These relationships violate long-standing customs and traditions of the naval service and may be detrimental to good order, discipline, or bring discredit to the service. The policy applies to relationships between officers and enlisted members, regardless of service affiliation or rules, and also between Chief Petty Officers (E-7 to E-9) and Junior Personnel (E-1 to E-6), who are assigned to the same command. This prohibition is based on the unique leadership responsibility of the Chief Petty Officer.
What is the code of conduct for a midshipman?
The Honor Code for Midshipmen requires officers to adhere to the highest standards of reliability and honesty, as these qualities are essential for maintaining the exemplary conduct expected on and off the sea.
Are midshipmen considered active duty?
Students at academies are designated as midshipmen (Navy) or cadets (Air Force and Army) and are considered to be on active duty in accordance with 10 U. S. C.
Can a Midshipman date an enlisted?
In accordance with the regulations set forth by the United States Navy (US Navy Regulations 1165), unduly familiar and disrespectful personal relationships between officers and enlisted personnel are prohibited. The rationale behind this prohibition is that such relationships are detrimental to the maintenance of good order, discipline, and service tradition.
Can you quit Naval Academy?
Should one wish to depart from the Naval Academy, it is necessary to submit a voluntary resignation, which may result in a recoupment or service obligation if the resignation is submitted after the commitment period has elapsed. A request for a leave of absence of one year may be submitted for the purpose of giving birth or resolving matters related to parental responsibility.
📹 Most MEN BLOW the FIRST DATE: why you are your own worst enemy
On a first date, too many men snatch defeat from the jaws of success. In today’s episode, I discuss why a little knowledge is a …
A guy signs up to be a sailor. After the second in command explains his jobs and the rules the new recruit asks, “how does a sailor, you know, get satisfied on a ship?” The 2nd tells him, “after your duties you can put, well, your thing in that barrel. Every day except for Thursday.” “Why not Thursday?” Asks the recruit. “Because that’s your day inside the barrel!”
33:30 American river steamboats would sometimes race each other, and they’d tie down the safety valves so they could overpressure the boiler and gain extra power. Several steamboats blew up because of this with major loss of life. Mark Twain, who was a steamboat pilot at one point, alludes to this in several of his works.
Fenalår (the lamb meat) is my favourite food! I really recommend trying it, though most can’t handle it as more than a snack, due to the saltiness. It is a bit pricey, but if any of you visit Norway, you should try to get a leg! I say try, because you can usually just get in during the darkest part of the winter. It is in very high demand, though it can be bought sliced and vacuum packed all year… That is not as delicious.
John Harrison’s first ships chronometer was made almost entirely out of wood. The H1 was a marvel of carpentry engineering during a time when astronomers were the guiding light of solving the longitude problem. It was almost at the end of his life, with the finish of H4, that Harrison was finally awarded the “Longitude prize”.
I wouldn’t have minded being a lighthouse keeper honestly, especially weighed against the other jobs of the day. Kicking back in a nice lighthouse with a cup of tea taking in an amazing view as the world goes by, the satisfaction of knowing that your job’s saving lives every day, and having a good friend with you. Of course, that’s the best case scenario but still. It actually sounds kind of nice, especially if you were in a modern lighthouse with modern technology to help you out.
It is always somewhat amusing to me when “historians” talk about the anglo-saxons of britain as if they did not have any knowledge whatsoever about ships or the sea. I mean, where do you think they came from? Yes, correct, the northwestern part of what is now Germany, just below what is now Denmark. And how do you think they got to britain? Correct again – they sailed. Forget about some viking warrior chief suddenly “discovering” britain – everyone knew very well where it was and who were living there – they’d been sailing up and down the northwestern coast of europe since the bronze age (at least) The only “real” change was that christianity happened in britain – and churches and monasteries gathered enough wealth to be ripe targets for raids, especially since the monks and clergy were not much of an opposition to a bunch of fit young men who had just spent several days rowing across the north sea, living on dried fish and salted mutton. That is basically what happened – a bunch of louts discovered an easy way to get rich – much easier (and more fun) than haggling over goods at various markets all summer, doing the age old trading everyone else did – and once word about that got aroung, it became the “thing to do” for young men – very similar to a drunken summer at Ibiza or a drug filled backpack trek in Asia is these days.
“This is your oar, Tony. Tony? Here’s your oar. This one, Tony,” as Tony prepares to brain her, trying to get the wrong oar into position. Great stuff! Love the humor in these shows. Sir Tony has that all-too-rare ability to laugh heartily at himself. Otherwise, he’d never do these “Worst Jobs” shows.
In the U.S. Marines we had to do what was pretty much the rope slide, only over a pool of water (So you’d just be humiliated not injured if you fell). You started on-top of a tower, then slid down half way like he showed, then you had to hang by just your arms, and flip to face the other way. Getting back onto the bouncing thin rope wasn’t much fun lol.
I used to commercial fish on a small level. We could have hired natives from up north, who could clean a whitefish in 20 seconds. I got it down to about a minute a fish, and after dragging nets for 15 hrs we would go clean our own fish. I’d make about 1200$ for a full 24 shift. Then get a week off lol seemed like I was rich when I was 17. I wasn’t, and it was fricken brutal, from pulling the nets, loading the fish, and cleaning them, all the while in -20 conditions, stinking and cold. Your hands quit working, you just become a zombie. No regrets lol wouldn’t do it now
Yet again British revisionist history, there was no Britain before the union of the crowns and then the union of the parliaments. The last remaining Irish Kingdoms in Ulster only fell in the early 1600s then finally crushed when the last Gaelic leaders were defeated in the mid 1600s. Scotland was the enemy of England until the union of the crowns but finally became united after they some more wars during the ‘English civil war’ and the restoration period until the union of the parliaments so when he says British or the Nation when referring prior to those dates then it can only refer to England as Britain did not exist.
Your Saxon oarsman (osman according to the subtitles) certainly comes across as a discount viking. He refers to (the) øse, which in Norwegian means both “ladle” (noun) and “scooping the boat” (verb) as a “spoon.” He also claims that cured ham is equivalent to fenalår (which is traditionally mutton) and presents sub standard tørrfisk (stock fish)
There were other kinds of boats as well dug out boats and light leather skins boats along as layered wood boats as well that tree resin mix with ash that filled the gaps. There were holes in the boats as well to put your gear tied to the outside of the boats. It was wet cold and fun. We sang songs and told story’s. We didn’t leave unless there was someone that was a good storyteller. Sometimes we didn’t set our feet on land for 5 month and sometime we slept on land or Island when we knew where we were. When changed 4 to 6 hours to sleep 2 people one in back and one in front the rest is rowed Everyone hand to rowed even our leader/captain. It was out of respect that we took turns. It what kept us closer. Leather kept the food dry. Leather also keep most men somewhat dry so now chaffing. Theres much to learn. We only had few fire boats funerals we buried the king leaders with there ships and everything they stood with the boats. Sometimes the buried were huge hills. We even buried slave and animals to eat.
The sea did NOT put the “great” in Great Britain. It arises from the time when the British owned parts of what is now France, including Brittany. Since in Norman French both Britain and Brittany were the same word, “great” was added to Britain to distinguish it from Brittany. Great Britain is nothing to do with greatness, but to do with relative size in comparison with rather a small French region.
As long as you’re introverted then the loneliness of being a lighthouse keeper wouldn’t bother you at all. It’s the extroverted types it would get to. I know It wouldn’t bother me, I can come up with all sorts of ways to stay occupied especially if there was plenty to read. It would be really cozy in there with a raging storm going on outside too.
I could be wrong, but that brass “sextant” looks suspiciously like one of those “antique” fake sextants you buy for $100 from Indian and Pakistani Ebay hucksters. They are basically unusable. Apart from that, given a proper working sextant, finding noon Latitude is comically easy. Time sights for Longtitude (this method is no longer used and is unknown to about 3 generations of navigators) or a Line of Position which can be crossed with another LOP or the Latitude for an exact position, (“exact” being a relative term) is a bit more complex if you are doing it all by hand, but can still be learned in a day. Don’t make celestial navigation out to be something difficult. It is not.
They sailed the world and traded long before they admit. The turkish admiral Piri Reis drew a map in 1513 which was based off 20 maps which were falling apart. That’s the map which shows the Arctic coastline. How was that known since its been covered in ice since pre history. We have been sailing before younger-dryas occurred. Mummies in China have been found with tomato plant seeds, dozens dug up in Egypt have cocaine and tobacco in their systems.
man how old is that host? i’d would be entertained enough if only explained and showed reenactors in these back-breaking, life-threatening, sometimes disguisting jobs but he does actually try doing it once while being at least like 65. I am in my early 20 and probably coundn’t keep up with most of these stuff
“i was one of the lucky ones, there was a certain religious aspect with being on a lighthouse like the wolf, ive had many hobbies an interests like eating peas and making little houses out of the packaging to keep me sane” “but apart from giant carves and becoming stir crazy, the lighthouse keeper was safe and clean, others weren’t so fortunate”
i am not convinced that the saxons were scared of the sea. the original saxons were a coastal people, who travelled in waves over a period of hundreds of years across the north sea in search of a new place to live. plenty of the dark ages british of anglo-saxon heritage would have been fishermen for part or whole of their livelihood. i can imagine that for those who were raised inland the sea might have been terrifying, but that wouldn’t have been the norm. i’m not a proper historian though, so i am happy to have my wrongness demonstrated if you know better!
They cant even come close to the building of the ancient lost civilizations with the Megalith structures around the world and under the sea especially Puma Punku & The Great Pyramid of Giza and thousands more. This is a beautiful structure an amazing crazy humans who builth this light house, but if we look to the building ways of the past an give them credit for being much more advanced in enginering then we could save many lives but most human Ego’s get in the way aka The Terror & Erebus of 1845.
At 19 minutes, showing the example of the “flying man” you do that on the confidence course in the Marines, only with no safety gear and you have on your H harness on. You do it over water and sometimes they make you go all the way across, or even drop and hang, then climb back up and continue. Obviously some drop into the muddy water, only the slim, wirey guys could get back on the rope and continue to the end without having to get wet.
So up until the ban on herring fishing in the 1970s the herring fleet would head out from the eastern ports and head to the sea off Shetland in May when the herring shoals gathered in the north. The fleet would stay at sea for months following the migrating fish down the east coast of Britain. Fish would be ferried back to the nearest ports. So the first fish would be landed and processed at Stonehaven and then at each port all the way down the east coast to Great Yarmouth by September. The girls and women who followed the fleet were known as the ‘Scottish fisher girls’ most were from the Aberdeen area and rhey were known for their raucous behaviour and glamerous clothes (when not working). At Great Yarmouth there was always a dance at the end of the season when the men would finally land. The fleet would then disperse to its home ports all up the east coast. The women would return north on a special train. 80% of the catch was packed into salt and was exported to Russia where these herring were a staple winter protein for Russians living hundreds of miles from the sea. This tradition can be traced to the 1600s and lasted until the 1970s.
It wouldnt take days to get the anchor up! How ridiculous! The boat would be on the rocks and sunk if it took that long! It also wouldnt take the entire crew to lift the anchor. There isnt enough space around the capstan for hundreds of men, perhaps 20 at most on that one. 20 people, a tone of anchor, thats only 50 kgs each.
Every marine at Parris Island boot camp has to take his PRT test and the slide for life is one of the most difficult test you do but if you follow the directions screamed at you by the drill instructor it’s really not that bad s test some of us did it more than once this test was ended by a four mile run fully packed up and you had to do it in less than 36 mins Semper Fi
I am sure we have had to have had horrible jobs in America after our Independence. But, you wonder where they were done? Did we have workhouses or debtors prisons in America where basically you were sentenced to working, if you were a parentless child until the age of majority making such contraptions such as the watch mechanism, or if you were sentenced to a debtor’s prison (and heaven help me if I do not know for what length of time people were sentenced to the squalid conditions of menial work, and a bowl of gruel, perhaps twice a day, never any fruit or milk causing all kinds of calcium related deficiency dietary problems), but I really think the British probably relished in handing out these sentences than did the Americans, because these behaviors were amok in the UK before our revolution and we were not going to have them on our shores. Hence our Bill of Rights, which the damned leftists want to destroy and put all people back into this arena once they are over the age of 70.
On a first date, too many men snatch defeat from the jaws of success. In today’s episode, I discuss why a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, and why many guys talk their way out of a sexual opportunity. In their desire to impress women, men come off as boring, boorish, and self-centered. However, by learning the importance of maintaining women’s fantasies intact, they’ll be able to turn their franchises around. Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion’s Theme: youtube.com/watch?v=WrXBzQ2HDEQ Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world’s only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code “PSYCH” for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. GRE Bites: youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack’s member community: youtube.com/channel/UCSduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXw/join Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Sponsor an episode: oriontarabanpsyd.com/sponsor-an-episode Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking article several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice.
I am an executive recruiter. I send people out on first interviews/ dates all the time. The resume validates the ability to do the job. I teach my candidates to not re-validate themselves with a speech about their value but to converse with the interviewer ironically getting the interviewer to talk more. It works. The interviewer, usually a woman, literally talks herself through the interview without having time for close ended questions. Then the kicker: when the time is running short, I instruct the candidate to gracefully end the interview. Something like, “I know we had 30 minutes scheduled. Thank you so much for the conversation. Let me know the next steps…” And done.
this article is entirely correct. As I tell my 17-year-old son, “a first date is not about impressing her with how smart you are. The first date is about making her feel relaxed so that she can open up and decide if she likes you or not. Ideally, she should be doing 75% or more of the talking. If you are doing most of the talking, I guarantee you that the date is not going nearly as well as you think it is…”
The human courtship ritual is very a delicate dance between talking but not talking so much that you out her off. Working hard and being ambitious, but not so ambitious that you don’t have time for her. Being a dominant alpha male but still being emotionally vulnerable. Being intelligent but being stupid enough to marry. Good luck, gentlemen.
I’ve been trying to teach this to guys for ages now. It’s 100% fact. Every time! You should never, EVER lie to a woman (or anyone for that matter), but the more you say, the more you talk yourself out of a sale. Every detail you don’t tell her about your life works to your advantage. Her mind will fill in the gaps with what she wants you to be. The more gaps, the more you’re the man to fulfil her fantasies. I don’t even tell women what i do for a living on the first date. I’m retired (at age 40) and live off of interest and dividends. Boring! And she’ll probably see that as flaunting my wealth. Instead, her mind will wonder why I won’t talk about my job. She’ll make up her own fantasy. I’ve had women tell me they thought I was a drug dealer or criminal (which turned them on!), a CIA government spy, a hitman, a secret billionaire, a bounty hunter, an informant in witness protection, and all sorts of crazy stuff like that. Men might be better at imagining things like how to fix the car. But when it comes to fantasy, women are the gold medalists. Guys….stop talking and start asking more questions!!!
In all my studies on relationships, as well as the ones I’ve been in, this is the greatest summation of practical knowledge I’ve ever heard, and it’s being explained in the most sensible way possible. Anyone who doesn’t listen to this man and is having issues getting a second date needs a few hard hitting life experiences to get the lesson.
I got a good lesson in this shortly after I moved to Mexico. My Spanish was only basic but I went on first dates with women who spoke English well and some who spoke no English at all. Only one of the first dates with an English-speaking woman went well while all of the dates with women who spoke zero English went well to very well. I knew enough Spanish to answer basic questions and ask questions of her, and to attentively listen to her answers. I spent 75% of the date making eye contact and smiling and/or nodding. The woman was pleased and wanted a second date.
I learned a long time ago that it’s not important if the woman likes you, but it’s more important if you like her. This allows you to ask open-ended pertinent but reasonable questions that are important to you, which get the woman to talk about herself. If you don’t like what she says, how her behavior is, you can end the date, bid her adieu, and keep it moving to the next woman.
I can see a lot of what Orion is talking about in my own experience. If the date is going well, I’ll usually ask about their dating “horror stories.” This gives us both something to laugh about and we can bond over the atrocity of online dating. Most of the women’s stories revolve around the mistakes that Orion talks about here. Tip: be nice to the wait staff. Almost every woman has a bad story about a guy who turned them off by being an ass to the wait staff. Really, in my experience, it’s just being good at conversation, mostly the listening part, which I find helps with people in general.
I think the less physically attracted she is to you this becomes more true. If she finds you very physically attractive then you really have to butcher the situation to not get a second date. I believe the failures you speak of had much more to do with the woman not finding the men very physically attractive over the words spoken.
In my experience, the vast majority of relationships or experiences I’ve had with women didn’t come from going on “dates”. It came from just clicking in the beginning and it usually history from there. I feel like taking a woman on a date in the first place puts you in a position where you have to impress her, the ball is in her court, she’s the judge. This dynamic isn’t healthy in my opinion because in my experiences a woman has to look up to you. Admire you and crave you emotional attention for a relationship to truly thrive. Kinda like Orion said with her being the adorer. Dates inherently puts the man in the position of having to be the adorer which automatically messes up the power dynamic in terms of attraction, raising the chances of failure. I can’t tell men not to take women out on dates, but what I will tell you is that when a woman is REALLY feeling you, she’ll usually see a date as a waste of time because she’s already made her mind up about you, and just want to be around as much as she can.💯💯
Be mysterious, be ambiguous. Sometimes you can do this without even saying a word, simply by the way you look at her. Women love it when they say something, and you give her “a look.” Maybe that look is showing a hint of your dark side, maybe it’s showing a hint of amusement. She may even ask what that look was for, gaslight, tell her you don’t know what she’s talking about. Later, when she’s lying in bed, she’ll be thinking about it. She’ll wonder what was on your mind when you made that look. Now you’re a mystery to her, a mystery that she wants to solve. But if you tell her everything that’s on your mind, now you’re not a mystery. Now you’re boring, just like every other guy she’s met lately. I’m an introvert, and I’m naturally very secretive, so this comes easy for me. All of this red pill talk about women only being interested in extroverted men is bullshit.
I completely concur. My approach to dating when I was single was based on the premise that men have no idea what women found attractive in men; we just vaguely know what turns them off. Based on that don’t do the obvious things that turn women off, always be polite, have fun, and if she ends up not wanting a second date—be as cool as a cucumber about it. From there, like Orion pointed out, it’s a crap shoot. Also, another reason for men to do most of the listening is to not give away to much of yourself. I like to think of each date as an opportunity to tell her about one thing about me. Dates are like giving little clues about yourself. Anyway, awesome article.
Given the scenario you described it’s a wonder my wife and I made it to the second date. We were having dinner together when my (future) wife said that she usually scared men away. This piqued my interest in what would come next. The next hour and a half resembled a cross examination. I had nothing to prove,or hide, so I answered with the unvarnished truth (let the chips fall, etc.) her questions also gave me valuable insights into her value system. She was very direct and I could see why many men would wilt under her questioning. Actually, I respected her approach to cutting through the BS. We used our subsequent dates to add details about each other The more we saw each other the better I liked what I was seeing. One evening she suggested that I was just toying with her feelings. Iv’e been known to make rash moves and decided to call her bluff. So, I asked her to marry me. It was the last thing she expected to hear.. Six months later we tied the knot. That was over 20 years ago and we are about as happy as a couple can get.
I agree, but only partially. Last time I went on a first date with a woman was exactly 3 weeks ago, and I totally blew it, but not for the reason described in this article. She did most of the talking and I didn’t “shatter her fantasy” of me, as Orion puts it. I blew it because, as usual, I was too cautious and totally incapable of flirting or creating any sort of sexual tension. The result? She ended up thinking I was a “really nice” guy, and put me in the friendzone right away. Well, to be fair, I got in there all by myself. I suck at flirting.
I treat the first date as an interview for them. I don’t do casual dating as it’s a been there done that situation. I keep telling guys: when you’re in control of your sexuality and primal urges as a man, and you really analyse what a woman is saying: watch her dance for you. The table is now turned.
Good advice. Of course the number of hurdles on a first date is a function of how physically attracted to you she is. And she could just be using you for a free meal, as an orbiter candidate, as a Friend Zone candidate, to make someone jealous, to make someone envious, for validation, …. But if her intentions are true, your cautions are wise.
if a woman likes you enough there’s nothing you can do that is irredeemable in her eyes. don’t be afraid to make mistakes gentlemen, don’t be afraid to be a HUMAN BEING. if a woman wants to hit you up with trumped up charges over something that her herself is capable of doing ie MAKING MISTAKES than she doesn’t deserve to be around you in the first place.
Be absolutely yourself : if she doesn’t like you as the person you are, you both have no (meaningful) future together. Be thankful that if she does not like you as the person you are, you know this quickly and you both do not lose time and emotional energy and get to be too disappointed. (it’s always a good thing to evaluate yourself honestly to comprehend if you’re fundamentally that person worth knowing/dating….but this is a big, big, big chapter that a whole lotta men (and women) conveniently skip…)
I am currently in a relationship, but it was hard for me to play in the fantasies of women. Sometimes I felt like I was taking part in a very bad movie and that I was forced to play a role. I also felt like I was taking advantage of the “fantasies” of many girls. Many times I knew what was expected from me but I did not know how to play that role naturally. What helped me to improve a little was the advise of “try to be a bad boy without being a real one”, try to project more confidence and “playboy” aura without being a player. It is still hard for me but I have come to accept that we as men have to project this kind of things.
Yes absolutely! Men need to learn to LISTEN. That is the most frequent comment I hear from women who are either in relationships or looking for a relationship. Trying to impress a woman only communicates to the woman that the guy is not interested in her internal world and she will quickly make her judgment about that. If you are truly interested in her and her views on life, she will feel a connection with you.
This advice is very dependent on the constitution of the man in question. If a man honestly reflects and finds that yes, he does try to impress a woman with wealth or status or anything else, he should probably try to shut up. On the other hand, if a man knows he is a “good listener”, that means he probably should share more about himself. There is a quip that says an extrovert believes he’s an introvert, and that’s why he constantly worries into talking more. An introvert believes he’s an extrovert and he’s constantly worried about hogging the conversation. In general, people have the problem of talking too much and not listening enough, so the advice is reasonable. However, the important thing is really to maintain a good balance in the conversation, and be genuine, sharing things that are genuinely interesting to you – not things that you think they want to hear. A man who tries to qualify himself comes off as insecure. But a man who often deflects the conversation away from himself also comes off as insecure. A man who is responsive, feeling the vibe of the conversation and responding to it, asking interesting questions and sharing things that interest him, appears secure and well-adjusted
Lots of great insights as usual. But I can only apply your advice IF a woman agrees to a first date and IF she actually shows up. The dating landscape right now is completely unbalanced. Women don’t have to do anything, or make any effort and they can disappear and ghost you at any point with no explanation or consequences. I choose not to place myself in that very vulnerable position anymore. Men have to do all the work, take all the risks and suffer all the rejection.
This is a well produced, succinct article that really gets to the heart of dating dynamics. Does a good job explaining why the majority of dates I went on as a young man resembled a job interview. My question now is “is it even worth the effort?” If I have to go on 100 dates to have a chance to find a respectable partner, why shouldn’t I instead put that time, money and energy into pursuits I can do right now that have a more immediate + postive effect (eg gym, work, spending time with good friends?) Sitting down for a couple of hours at a time with the average modern lady, only to listen for 80% of the experience may be a good way to proceed to the next date but it holds very little appeal to me. I’d much rather spend that time with a good book or article game. Still, this advice is solid for young blokes looking for help on dating so kudos, keep up the good content.
I don’t think this guy has met actual women. Certainly, his “knowledge” of dating is theory only. 1) There’s a 25% chance with any woman at on any date that the ONLY reason she said yes was to have someone take her out to dinner. This means that never had any fantasy about you at all. You’re just a noisy ATM. 2) Of the women who actually want you, you’re in one of two categories which are mutually exclusive. She’s EITHER attracted to you, OR she thinks you’re a good candidate. If she’s attracted to you, she’ll show it right away and your qualifications are irrelevant. If she doesn’t essentially throw herself at you in the opening moments, she’s not attracted to you. It’s a job interview already, before you’ve said a dozen words. 3) Assuming you’re not taking her home during the first date, it’s true that this guy’s suggestions are probably relevant. But be aware that the ONLY way that they can be true is if she’s NOT already into you. In this case, “winning her over” is automatically a subservient role. She doesn’t, and never will respect you for this. WHILE she’s letting you bow and beg at her feet, she’s already lusting at Chad or Tyrone. This guy’s advice is essentially “how to become a cuck.”
Reading all the comments here with tips for a first date, I’ll add another one. NEVER TALK ABOUT YOUR EX! if you must (i.e., your date asks you about it), do it very sparingly and only have nice things to say. Then, turn the conversation to another topic. Even if your ex was a crazy psychopath who cheated daily and left you penniless, don’t speak of her. Women constantly state that divorced men talking about their ex’s is a huge red flag and turnoff.
This is exactly true. Nailed it perfectly. Women feel like the most special person in the world when you’re listening to them, talk about themselves and when you ask proper questions to get them to go deeper into detail and what they want to talk about Get them talking about the things they’re passionate about, the things that they’re proud of… My friend John has a way of making anybody man or woman feel like the most special person in the world and not to out myself too much. But we’re part of a recovery community and he gets a lot of new followers because of this very reason helps a lot of people. I think becoming a good listener and letting people do more of the talking is an altruistic behavior
I never been a talker or ever talked too much about myself, even the opossite. I tried both ways (talking and not talking, not bragging) and the results were kind of similar. But certainly I can sense the instant physical attraction or the lack of it. Most of the time I sensed the lack of it, even tho through dating apps I did okayish (through texting I never had a problem, if the woman is engaging), but in person, it was a different story and mostly was related to physical attraction. I can observe the little gestures of woman when she is attracted or not. I can mainly say that this happened way more due to my short height (5’7); it is not in my head, because all of them told me or picked on me with this. Of course, I dont reduce this to height only, there a lot more aspects, but those are my observations. I would say to be moderate in talking or not bragging. But if she is attracted to you physical, you can be in many ways, even insecure. At least for some time.
My first date with a foreign woman named M’ChukkChukk went badly as I didn’t know eye contact in their culture meant “I want to eat you and wear your teeth.” Second date was better. Apparently, farting is considered a compliment. We wrestled for dominance, but she has talons and filed teeth, so I lost and that means I am a human chair now until her father decides if I may be a soldier in his army.
Just came from a date two hours ago. Her dog didn’t bite me and actually really liked me. She said her dog (scaredy cat) doesn’t like most men, she (female dog) even bit the last guy she met a few weeks ago 😅 Her dog is super important to her so I insisted on her bringing her and made it more my mission for the dog to like me. She already went a day later on holiday to meet up so I knew she liked me already.
Yes, Orion is correct and I had to learn this the hard way. This applies to business to, if you try to hard to impress the other person, they become suspicious and wary. A confident person doesn’t brag. Some things that I find work better with women and in business. Dress well, not necessarily in a suit, I do a lot of outdoor activities so often dress in higher end REI type clothing like Arcteryx, Kuhl, Ortovox, ON footwear, etc. I also have a nice watch, which I bought only because I like it’s form and function. It’s a Luminox Pacific Diver, with a metal band. It costs around half the price of a new iPhone but very few have them and it looks expensive, classy, and rare while portraying someone who is outdoorsy. It also very functional. Many other watches have these qualities. DON’T get a Rolex unless you want to attract gold diggers, and it is common knowledge that many men overextend themselves financially to get one just to impress! Read a lot of books and don’t brag about it. Reading a lot will make you a more interesting person and improve your vocabulary. Having a better than average vocabulary, and being well spoken is far more impressive than anything you could possibly brag about. If you only have these two traits, at the very least, an intelligent woman will think you have potential. Now you don’t have say anything, most will just assume you are doing well or maybe even better. I also find if the woman starts interviewing you with questions, it’s best to give a short answer and turn it back to them….
No advice but a cute story- Blind date with a very successful ok looking woman who showed up with a clipboard & checklist! After 2 questions & 2 checks on her clipboard, I asked her to put it away. I then very calmly & nicely told her that we would not be dating. I explained that a date is not an interview, but should be fun, low key with no expectations & clipboards were a bit insulting. She cried & said she couldn’t figure out why she had no second dates! We finished our wine & I walked her to her car. She was still emotional so I gave her a hug & wished her good luck & shook my head in wonder. 😮
“She’s not there because she’s attracted to you she’s there because she’s attracted to her idea of you” Absolutely correct, but doesn’t lineup at all with the “it’s yours to lose” statement. That +50% attraction is useless if it’s to someone that you are not. This might be a good strategy for getting a 2nd date, but a meaningful relationship isn’t going to be built on letting her think you’re someone you’re not for as long as possible
The one difference for my current situation is, the person I asked out last night I have known for the better part of a year from a support group. We have both shared some pretty huge pieces of ourselves and many things are the darker, shadow side of ourselves. Still the way to do well doesn’t change. I think making her feel heard and showing further interest in her life by listening can’t go wrong. Great article
Using manipulation tactics and trying to look presentable are two different things. Women try thier best to look presentable even when they aren’t on dates, even lesbians try their best to look good. So comparing the two useless. Meanwhile, males shave their beard to impress women, get surgeries, do lookmaxxing or whatever it’s called to impress women. Comparing appearance to manipulation is useless. If a male is talking less on first date and hiding his true color of being women’s rights hater, incel, etc, etc, he will still be caught after 3-4 dates and will get dumped. Why do you think all these player mindset redpill males are getting rejection 🤭 Because women are picking up on male manipulation and all their games really quick 💀
The difficult thing about this is having to listen to women talk… We all know they aren’t entertaining, funny, witty or with a great sense of humor. They get offended by everything, can’t take criticism, and don’t know how to carry a fun conversation. So it’s better for the man to know how to navigate a conversation, how to ask questions and make it fun and funny, how to respond to questions, how to manage the woman’s emotions into making her think the date is fun through the conversation so she’s wanting to see you again. Don’t bring up sexual desires but hint with naughty innuendos. Watch any talk show host, get men together and they want to make fun of everything, get women together and they want to complain about everything.
He forgets tgat women date for free food. Because she has a date with chat later and he never feeds her cos she arrives at his house after 11pm. So she needs food. So she dates a guy she’s not interested in then goes to Chad’s place. I know, because I’m Chad and they try to hide the process from me too
It’s like in sales. Successful salesmen actually listen more than they talk, and I do mean listen, and suggest some product or service according to the prospect’s needs and desires. The stereotypical bad ones only try to force their products and battle their way to a sale. It doesn’t matter if it’s women or men, old or youth. If one wants to be interesting… be interested. Besides hyper narcissist women, they will want to know more about you as that’s how they “filter” you anyway. So you can focus on her and still get a lot of you out there.
If you get coffee (stimulant) and go for a walk – ocean/sea path – park – nature – she will talk and talk …..just let them go. last year on holiday in the North of Scotland i met 2 girls from Germany and hung out with them. I am tanned and fit – apparently they where fantasizing that i was a Stunt man – ha ha – could not be further from the truth !
First time I disagree with the advice on this website. The purpose of the first date is not to buy yourself a 2nd date by hiding your true self just enough for the woman to be able to keep her fantasy. This style might lead to the woman warming up over time, but it also might lead to rejection after the 3rd, 4th, 5th date when his true self finally comes through, so the man ends up wasting a lot more time. Confident men will lead the conversation and discuss whatever they may be interested in in that moment which in turn reveals a lot about them. High value men escalate the first date to the point where she will either accept or reject (not necessarily sex but the proposition of a relationship of any sort)
You want to know why a guy blows the first date, I’ll tell you.. What you need to know is one thing. Girls want what they can’t have. If you’re complimenting her, and making her feel like she’s on a pedestal. She will dump you every time. You have to realize that she wants a challenge. If you are not a challenge, she immediately gets bored. Do not buy into the lie that she wants a loving, caring, gentle guy that makes her feel good. She doesn’t. She wants a guy whose a challenge, and hard to get. If you can refrain from complimenting her, and make it through the first date. Breaking up with her when she shows interest. Is the best thing you can do.
Women’s love for the unrealistic fantasy is so true. Always searching for Mr perfect, not willing to admit they don’t exist. Some women would rather you lie to them to keep the fantasy of being the perfect man and will hate you for ruining it, if that’s how you came off in the beginning. I knew a woman that refused to believe they lies told by her boyfriend about how badass he is weren’t even remotely true. Simply refused.
“You don’t want to disabuse a woman of her fantasy of who you are.” So based on my experience, a man presents who he is and the woman can accept that or not. It’s a fools errand to keep trying to twist yourself into knots trying to be what you perceive that she wants. Stand strong and know who you are!
Asking emotionally compelling and thoughtful questions on a first date is a great way to foster a meaningful conversation and connection. Here are some prompts that can encourage your date to share more about themselves and their experiences: 1. Dreams and Aspirations: “What’s something you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t had the chance to yet?” This question invites your date to share their dreams and aspirations, which can be very revealing and personal. 2. Passions and Interests: “What’s something you’re really passionate about and why?” This allows your date to talk about things they love, which naturally brings out positive emotions. 3. Memorable Experiences: “What is one of your happiest memories?” Reflecting on happy moments can create a joyful atmosphere and give you insight into what brings them joy. 4. Life Lessons: “What’s an important lesson you’ve learned in life, and how did you learn it?” This question can lead to deep conversations about personal growth and experiences. 5. Travel and Adventure: “If you could travel anywhere, where would you go and why?” Travel often brings out exciting stories and dreams, and you can learn a lot about someone’s interests and worldview. 6. Cultural Interests: “What’s a book, movie, or song that has impacted you significantly?” This is a great way to learn about their tastes and the kind of narratives or art that moves them. 7. Childhood and Background: “What was your favorite thing to do as a child?” This question can bring up nostalgic and happy memories, and also gives you a glimpse into their upbringing and background.
I used to think I was a pretty good date. Granted, I’ve had plenty of good dates. In general I can hold my own talking and being interesting, but even with that there is a lot of “one and done”. After perusal this article I now understand why, and what I can do to change it. I’m normally a quiet guy, so it makes it even easier. I can be more myself and let the woman talk as she likes while I listen. Great advice!
If ladies really wanted to copy something useful from men they’d copy our comfort. Going out on a date requires minimal preparations. All the expensive hair doos and makeup and clothes just advertise your insecurities. Be like a man and be comfortable in your own skin. You’d have more fun, spend less and enjoy your time spent more
Already made that mistake a few times, but too late now. Forty-five years ago the advice would have been useful. Happily married anyhow. Yes young men try too hard to impress and it comes across as being boastful and arrogant. I learnt to just be yourself and if it doesn’t work well it would have failed at some point anyhow. Will not pull a woman of higher value but will attract a woman at your level which is a better long term bet. The best guarantee of success is indifference.
Good advice, but I found it much easier to meet women through friends. All of my girlfriends I met through other friends; and the woman I married – I know her from school, going back to our teens! That is the best, we share a lot of memories.😁 And I actually had let the women do most of the talking just as you’ve advised, in all my dates. Partly because I have a narrow set of very specific interests which doesn’t lend itself to a lot of small-talk anyway.. 😅
I was on a first date (off an internet meet) and the man was talking a little about his job and other things, I was talking about how I had moved to this new city, my feelings about leaving my old one, etc. I was experiencing all kinds of emotions…regret at leaving my comfortable home, fears about this new very different place, not being able to tell if this quite a bit younger very sexy man even was interested… I really couldn’t tell if he liked me or not. We were sitting side by side on a park bench. I turned to him and said, “Listen, I’m a big girl (meaning an adult, not about my petite body size). So just tell me right now, are you interested or not?” He glanced down at my body (I was wearing a pullover sweater and jeans), pointed to the area somewhere around my waist, and murmured, “You have a nice body, don’t worry about it.” We became involved. Soon after he texted me, “Honey, the funny thing is, at the exact moment you said that I was thinking I couldn’t wait to get you alone.” That was many years ago and we are still going strong. Ladies, if you want him, say so, sometimes it works.
I wonder if this problem affects online dating as well. Like if I imagine the online chat as part of the first date and I talk too much that I have the same effect as if in person. And I totally fell into this trap many times. It’s worth a shot trying it the way you mentioned and just keep her talking more until the actual date.
If she is going out with you, it’s because she LIKES you. It’s not because of a fantasy. Perhaps you meant to say she has a feeling of anticipation of seeing you, but that is much different than a fantasy. Saying it’s a fantasy takes the credit away from who you are and the points about you that initially attracted her. You don’t realize it, but you are promoting a scarcity and approval seeking mindset by telling men to appease a fantasy. Approval seeking behavior is extremely unnattractive. Granted, you should be genuinely interested in another person enough to ask them questions about themselves.
This is nonsense….women NEVER talk much. Any man that has texted a woman knows what they are like with their one-word answers. They don’t ask us questions or anything much. So. times, but generally is us. And on a date it’s the same. They want us to “lead the conversation”, that means US talking. And them responding to us talking. The response will be positive or negative.
This can backfire… i’s a lose lose proposition to not be authentic. Also I get creeped out if the guy does this too hard and turns the date into 20 question or an interview, and I WANT him to talk about himself because I want to find out who he is as a person. The entire POINT of the date is I already chose him and need more info. If he’s being cagey I’ll assume the worst and run a mile, and I do notice if he tries to trick me by only having me talk. I have never had a guy ‘blow’ a date from being authentic. If I hear that goals don’t match we can talk about it and find that actually neither of us want to continue or there’s a way around it. It allows things to be mutual and I really don’t like surprises an I don’t forgive liars. Why waste his time and money buying dinner knowing I’m going to find out next time, that gains nothing. Blowing the first date is better than blowing the third by being finally honest too late. Yeah I think this one is horrible advice.
Personally I hate dates that have a lot of taking. Like I actually want to do something with a girl before I’m invested to bare through long conversations of dialog. I also have stopped asking for people’s names when I meet them until I have interacted with them long enough to care to remember. I now rarely forget names of people I meet.
This was an interesting advice. Although if a woman becomes self-absorbed like that, it makes her look like a narcissist. Men generally let the woman run her mouth because they care more about how she looks and less about her chatacter. And then men complain how much pain their women are to live with. How is this not seen as a red flag.
Yes. Thank you for sharing this information. Feeling heard and listened to is absolutely what women want, especially on a first date. I’ve left so many first dates feeling frustrated because the guy talked the whole time and didn’t ask me many questions. Whether it’s true or not, it sends the message that he must not be interested in me at all. Any attraction I may have had is pretty much gone at that point. Conversely, he’s also right. I have stuck around much longer than I should have in some cases, like if the guy didn’t have his life together, but he really listened.
I didn’t end up perusal this article. I watched the first bit out of curiosity and then decided that he might be bad for my game to continue lol. At the beginning of the article you describe how it’s hard for men to get dates in the first place and then how most men blow the first date. I’m in the UK, not the US, so maybe my experience is different, but I do not find this to be the case. I actually find find it quite easy to get first dates and roughly two out of three of my first dates lead to second dates. It’s not that hard. I don’t know why everybody makes out that it is. Finding the right woman, that is hard.
never been in a relationship. 21. lateblooming and dating a bunch but in essence i was always simping and trying to get with hopeless online-girls. it had to be done, being too nice, too outreaching and without enough patience to be seen as a sovereign guy. either no 2nd date or only unattractive ones wanting to see me again. finally i let this all sit and not caring that much anymore. not meaning to give in to the black pill, hell no. always talking less than necessary and letting them speak, me being the one making the decisions from now on and knowing what i want. poking, joking throwing in gags and seriously questioning what bs they are talking at some points in a fun way. i dont know where this is going, or if those are advancing to a 2nd date because i made this change just now. all i can do is presenting myself minimalistically and letting them have a good time. if the interest seems mutual, i directly invite to a second date after a few days passed and from this point its on them, theyve made their minds up at this point and will either reach out again after some time or not at all. no silly texting for hours, no eighty times rescheduling the date, just for it not to happen – ive wasted so much time with this bs. one thing i can say, it feels so much better. thinking back a while, i was literally making a fool out of myself and overinvesting while they seem like a recruiter just crossing me off in a blink. crazy stuff, but its starting to become a fun game, i have to say.
As a 53 1/2 year old bachelor with ZERO dating experience, all I tell myself is DON’T DATE. All I do is go out by myself and meet people. Even if I dress up in a suit or a tux, all I do is NEVER ask them out because rejection AND complaints about me are 100% GUARANTEED!!!! I’m a low-income, emotionally special needs idiot who does not drive a car. With me being rejected by women, that will really mean charges filed against me. Besides, I have 3 sisters who love me. ALL other women HATE me because I was born a JERK!!!
I think this applies to a certain subset of women at certain stages of life. A lot of women find it uncomfortable talking about themselves and if you’re only asking them questions to draw out more from them, it can feel like an interrogation. Women are drawn to men with charisma. If you’re good at storytelling, that can draw her in. If you sit there with akward silences because you’re trying to talk less than she does, she’s not going to feel a connection. If you’re constantly talking about yourself too, that will put her off. What you want to do is engage her. Make her feel like you have things in common. When I do a job interview I want the interviewer to imagine that they’ve already got the job and it’s the same with women, make them feel like they’re already in a relationship. Leave a little intrigue to explore, you don’t need to spill all your guts out straight away, but make her feel like she knows you!
I know this episode is not recent, but it is one of the most important to me because it helped me realize that there was a lot I didn’t know about women, especially at the beginning of the courtship process, and how women think. It made sense to me and I tried to apply what I learned. I was stunned to notice how quickly the results came through. Thank you, Dc Taraban, this website is really helpful, and all the content is high quality.
Back when I was single, I don’t recall ever fantasizing about who the man was. I’d just build, adjust, & rebuild an image of who he was as I got bits and pieces of information about him. So him not talking about himself wouldn’t help me in building that image & thus I’d probably find him boring and un-deep (so to speak). But it’s true that a man talking about himself nonstop wouldn’t be attractive either. I’d prefer a back and forth. And him flaunting or bragging about his money, status, etc, would actually turn me off.
Great take on first dates. It’s actually quite simple, trying to impress someone the first time you meet them is not only inauthentic but unsustainable. You are better off being your best self and allowing the other person to create a bond with you by allowing a safe space for communication in this case allowing her to express herself. At the end of the day, you have to understand while every connection has something unique and valuable to teach you, they are not all meant to be part of your life. People will come and go, but by being your true best self the right people will stick around. This means the right connection starts with you. Take time to discover and master yourself.