Social Skills Training (SST) is a crucial component in building meaningful connections, enhancing interpersonal abilities, and nurturing empathy. It goes beyond mere interaction and encapsulates an understanding of human behavior and relationships. Research has found that SST is most effective when it is part of an intervention program for anxiety and other conditions. In the digital age, it is more important than ever to develop social competency in children.
There are various approaches to social skills training, including nonverbal (e.g., eye contact, facial expressions, posture, personal distance), paralinguistic (volume, pace, tone, pitch), and social perception (processing of social interactions). A dedicated team offers specially designed programs for adults diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. These groups are run by expert facilitators and offer a wide range of benefits.
SST is a type of behavioral therapy used to improve social skills in people with mental disorders or developmental disabilities. PediaPlex offers tailored social skills training services to children, teens, and adults who face challenges related to socializing. Beyond the Bell offers specialized after-school social skills programs for children with autism.
Evidence-based social skills training at PediaPlex includes individual and group treatment options. Techniques include instruction, modeling, role-playing, shaping, feedback, and reinforcing positive interactions. By understanding the different approaches to social skills training, individuals can cultivate confidence and improve their social interactions and communication skills.
📹 How to Deal with Difficult People | Jay Johnson | TEDxLivoniaCCLibrary
From co-workers and colleagues to friends and family, we are faced with challenging relationships daily. Unfortunately, we often …
What type of therapy teaches social skills?
Social skills training (SST) is a behavioral therapy aimed at improving social skills in individuals with mental disorders or developmental disabilities. It can be delivered individually or in a group format, usually once or twice a week, and is often part of a combined treatment program. SST is particularly beneficial for those with social anxiety disorder (SAD), as they are less likely to engage in social interactions, limiting their opportunities to build skills and gain confidence.
Is social skills training an intervention?
Group-based social skills interventions (SSIs) are commonly used to practice learned skills in a naturalistic setting. These interventions can take various approaches and methodologies. ScienceDirect uses cookies and cookies are used by the site. Copyright © 2024 Elsevier B. V., its licensors, and contributors. All rights reserved, including those for text and data mining, AI training, and similar technologies. Open access content follows Creative Commons licensing terms.
Is social skills training part of CBT?
Cognitive Behavioral Social Skills Training (CBSST) is a treatment approach developed by Eric Granholm and his team to improve social, behavioral, and vocational functioning in individuals with serious mental illnesses like schizophrenia. CBSST combines cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and social skills training (SST) techniques, such as thought challenging, role-play practice, and problem-solving training.
It is a flexible, individually-tailored intervention that teaches cognitive and behavioral coping techniques, social functioning skills, problem-solving, and compensatory aids for neurocognitive impairments.
The program targets multidimensional deficits that can lead to functional disability in people with serious mental illness. Guilford Press has published the CBSST book and consumer manual, available for purchase on their website.
Who conducts social skills training?
Autistic or neurodivergent individuals are trained by therapists, teachers, and peers to mimic communication standards deemed “normal” or “appropriate”. They are expected to suppress their authentic interactions and become hyperaware of others’ thoughts. Social skills training involves various therapy techniques, such as video, peer, or therapist modeling, where the client or student imitates the “social skill standard” to maximize comfort. The goal is to indoctrinate the client or student to be hyperaware of others’ thoughts and adjust their social behavior accordingly.
Is social skills training ABA?
Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) is a scientific methodology that has been demonstrated to be effective in teaching social skills to children. It is a time-tested approach that helps children learn the behaviors that are necessary for success in school and in life. It has assisted thousands of families in surmounting the challenges associated with autism. ABA programs are available in a variety of settings, including daytime, after-school, and seasonal options. To obtain further information, please refer to the location finder.
What are the 4 phases of social skills training?
Goldstein and his colleagues’ structured learning method is comprised of four distinct phases: modeling, role-playing, social reinforcement, and transfer training, which entails practice in natural settings.
What are social skills training Programmes?
Social skills training is a program that helps children develop critical thinking, understanding others’ perspectives, effective communication, and strategies for managing aggression. It is believed that children who develop social skills and self-control are less likely to engage in crime and violence. The training can be delivered universally or targeted to specific children, often at school through structured lessons. The intensity of the training can range from a single session to over 40 sessions over eight months.
The training includes role playing, video demonstrations of positive behaviors, specific activities to reinforce delayed gratification, relaxation techniques, and teacher observations to monitor the development of these skills. Overall, social skills training is a valuable tool for fostering positive behavior and self-control in children.
Can a therapist help with social skills?
Psychotherapy counseling can enhance communication skills, build self-esteem and confidence, and manage social rejection. Effective communication is crucial for successful social interactions, and psychotherapy can teach active listening, assertiveness, and empathy. This fosters deeper connections and strengthens interpersonal relationships. Low self-esteem can hinder socialization, but psychotherapy helps individuals explore and challenge negative self-perceptions, fostering a sense of self-worth and confidence.
By reframing rejection as a normal part of life, individuals become more resilient in navigating social situations. Overall, psychotherapy can help individuals overcome barriers to social interaction and improve their overall well-being.
Do occupational therapists teach social skills?
Children’s occupational therapists, like Allyce Cunningham, focus on supporting children’s social, emotional, and functional skills. Their primary goal is to enable individuals to participate in everyday activities, enabling them to learn and succeed in their lives. OTs play a significant role in children’s learning and social success, helping them develop social skills and improve their overall well-being.
Does CBT teach social skills?
A meta-analysis reveals that Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can enhance social skills in children and adolescents with autism. Social disorders are a significant concern for these children, and social skills are often assessed as secondary outcomes in controlled trials. The study suggests that CBT can help improve social skills in children with autism, highlighting the importance of addressing social disorders in their treatment.
What is included in social skills training?
Social skills training is a behavioral approach utilized to instruct preschool children on age-appropriate social skills and competencies, including communication, problem-solving, decision-making, self-management, and peer relations, without adherence to a specific curriculum.
📹 Being Hyper-Defensive: “Social Skills” Training 101
Downloadable programs: — Living with ASD: eBook and Audio Instruction for Neurodiverse Couples— …
I know at least 5 ways to deal with them: 1. Never take their words personally. Always have this suspicion in mind, that they do not wish good for you, so you shouldn’t trust their opinion of you. 2. Don’t compete with them. It is futile and drains your energy. 3. If they attack you, stay calm, indifferent and if possible give them a sneaky compliment. The odds are they are used to people attacking them back and it takes them off guard when you see the positive things in them rather than the negative. 4. Don’t become them. If they are negative, be positive. If they lie, tell the truth. If they speak behind your back, speak to their face. Always lead with example, because they might not simply have the skills to do that. 5. Do not trust them. Don’t tell them personal details about your life or things they could use against you. Keep your distance and value your boundaries. Protect yourself.
Some of the most annoying behaviors: 5/5/23 – Thought to capitalize more severe terms NARCISSISM – When someone only cares for themself. (Someone with narcissism usually possesses at least 5-10 of the other traits mentioned below) (Added these parentheses 5/5/23) GASLIGHTING – When someone tries to make you think you’re crazy even when you have evidence. (WATCH OUT, THEY’RE TRYING TO BAIT YOU INTO AN ARGUMENT, DON’T FALL FOR IT, ESPECIALLY IF YOU KNOW THEY’LL GET CRAZY CRAZY ANGRY) CONDESCENSION – When someone feels they’re better than everyone else. (WATCH OUT, THESE PEOPLE WILL TRY TO BAIT YOU INTO ARGUMENTS USING CONDESCENSION AND TREATING YOU LIKE A BABY) Presumptuousness – When someone “thinks” you’ll be ok with something but doesn’t care to ask and they make the decision anyways. PASSIVE AGGRESSION – When someone says something to you that has an opposite meaning than what they said. (WATCH OUT, THIS CAN BE VERY SUBTLE AND HARD TO NOTICE, THEY WILL SWOOP YOU WITH THIS AND YOU WON’T REALIZE THEY WERE BEING PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE) VICTIMIZATION – When someone makes you out to be a bad guy and acts innocent when they’re not. (WATCH OUT) Delusion – When someone says things about you that aren’t even true. Jealousy – When someone hates you because you have a characteristic they lack. Hypocrisy – When someone gets on to you for doing something then goes and does the same thing they got on to you about. Pettiness – When someone gets mad at the littlest things. JUSTIFICATION – When someone always feels “in the right” despite what they’ve done.
Long story short: keep the convo brief, simple, cool, calm and level headed. Only give one word answers than a full sentence. Don’t give them the benefit of the doubt. Be the bigger person and do yourself a favour and save yourself from that heartache. Trust me when I say this it works every time. Giving them a reason to whine and complain and talk about said drama only repeats itself if you give them the time and energy to do it. When they get less of that, well, the difficulty becomes easier to manage 🙃
Among other things, the most important thing I learned from this is that when our flight/fight system is activated, the way to tell your body that it isn’t a real danger is to breathe. Your body knows that in real danger, you would not be able to stop and take a deep breath, so it turns it off – and basically, your brain goes back online. Why o why did I not realize this before!!!! Thank you for your talk. Great presenter, great message. 🙂
I like the way he ends the talk by giving a clear picture of “what’s in it for me”. In my experience angriness/holding grudges towards other people is a double edged sword. If you think that you punish another person by showing that person hostility, you have forgotten who is carrying the angriness on the inside.
Once dealt with difficult people in a small company and I can say that no amount of behavioral intelligence I exercised made my time lighter or gave insights to their own behavior. I basically just gave up being nice and leaving the company was the most rewarding thing I did. On my last day, I wore a shabby sleeping t-shirt and slippers, walking around the office with my head held high.
Cannot communicate with sociopaths on any reasonable level. People who cannot empathize will never see things from your point of view. Someone who is a sociopathic master manipulator can only be dealt with by affecting what matters most to them, money. Unfortunately, office sociopaths who gaslight daily rarely get reprimanded. They have everyone else in the office convinced they are wonderful and that you are the problem. Best solution is to remove yourself from that environment.
I’m dealing with a difficult parent. My father is “old school” and won’t listen. He is always right. Today is Easter Sunday and we didn’t even talk or hug each other. My dad doesn’t know how to be vulnerable and admit he’s wrong. At this point, it’s easier to distance myself and let him believe he is right. It’s a “painful” peace. Painful, because he is alive and we don’t have a relationship. I am a good person and genuinely wanted my dad but I am learning to accept that my father will never change. It’s best to keep my space. My mother is always on his side. So, I can’t even talk to her either. It’s very surface conversations with my parents. It sucks so much but I am learning that they put themselves in that box.
Behavioral intelligence 1) Explain existing behaviors- contemplate why someone would behave a certain way. Separate the person from the behavior- removing the label. Not what’s wrong with them, but what happened to them. 2) Predict future behaviors- helps reduce anxiety producing uncertainty 3) Influence other people’s behaviors- be inclusive when communicating e.g. “WE are having difficulty communicating.” Also use praise and recognition when possible- gets you out of enemy zone and into friend zone 4) Control our own behaviors- be self-aware. Take a deep breath, count to ten. Approach with thoughtfulness.
I’m the only one at work doing my job. I’m carrying the weight of the whole building while everyone else gets the credit. I don’t gossip, one up. I’m just a lot older than the rest. I’m honest, loyal and kind. I try to stay in my own space and now I’m noticing my boss is taking about everyone behind their back. Things are out of control. I can’t even reach out to our district manager because she is always on the guys side. Fed up but need the work. At least they pay good but not sure the extra money is worth me being exhausted.
this made me realize that the way I have dealt with a particular difficult co-worker was probably not the best way to go about it. I’m someone who is very personable and gets along with people easily, so when a difficult person came into my workplace, I didnt know how to handle them because I’ve never been faced with this issue. ill be leaving my current workplace as I got an offer from a better job, but now ill go into this new environment with a different mindset. I don’t need to let people give me heartache, its not good for my complexion!
That was pretty good. I’m dealing with difficult people in the workplace and it’s a challenge. He said you can’t change peoples behavior and I’ve heard that and although I agree I also think that on some level if for instance someone is constantly putting you down or berating you and being rude to you, you standing up for yourself can be the difference between them continuing to do it or them stopping. Bullies only respond to strength. I know a lot of this was in the workplace but I think it can be applied to any situation really. Sometimes reasoning with someone might not work.
I feel as I used to be a more difficult, angry impatient person due to external stresses. It wasn’t fair on my family and work colleagues. Thank God I recognised the problem. The important point I took from this is “it’s my heart attack” I’m happier, my family are happier and I think I relate to people much better.
It’s your heart attack! Behavioural intelligence: 4 quadrants: Explain existing behaviors Predict future behaviors Influence other people’s behaviors Control our own behaviors How do we explain behaviors? Why did someone behave like that? Is it intrinsic? Ask ?’s Why Predict: reduces uncertainty and anxiety Influencing: inclusive language; togetherness. Reward and recognition. Control low road: deep breath..O2; count to 10…take Separate the person from the behaviour
When I started using “we” instead of “you” when having a deep conversation with my ex, the response I got was still the same. That’s part of why we’re not together. No matter how I approached a conversation, his defense response always prevented him from hearing what I was really saying. He was also a thief, liar, and “master manipulator” and had no regret. He claimed he did but he never changed his actions or patterns to be a better person.
This is so true! Becoming a master of self, emotion, and reaction is key to enjoying life fully and being in control. If you do learn these skills be careful of working for people who are too controlling or authoritative because you will clash until your unhappy. People who hold grudges are the worst and definitalty prevent you from remaining your “healed self”. So yes remember it’s your heart attack so learn to forgive yourself, others, and find an environment where you can thrive in. Remember you control where you choose to be and there is another profession, industry, or setting where things are completely different.
This approach is predicated on the idea that everyone is able to relate to others on an equal plane. In most workplaces, there is a distinct hierarchy. Minions do not get to choose to deal as equals with bosses or higher-ups on the pecking order. And what of pernicious gossips, what are the benign interpretations of their behaviour? He is assuming good intentions where in fact they often do not exist.
There are jealous freaks, fragile egos, self proclaimed sweet hypocrites, toxic people, stubborn egos and stereotypical ones. Being an empath for such people and trying to believe that they are the way they are because of a reason only supresses your frustration on top of all the negativity seeping in you……….no point in putting up with such people
Recently I was working with a difficult person and when I was ready to make amends and move forward. New software came into play for the business and when i offered to help the person to set me up. It was denied and I was left going to work doing nothing. I then realized why am I here, maybe this is a sign to get out. Things will not change! When I gave my two weeks notice that day, that day I was sent an email stating I was being let go of. So right choice made but a lesson was learned there and it relates to this article. God Bless us all 🥰😇
Wonderful talk! I indeed have been difficult at times!! As I am now aware that it is behaviour, I take the deep breaths, focusing my thoughts to be aware of the behaviour yet I still find that they are viewing my behavior as being the issue not theirs so as I go through the sequence of remaining calm it’s as if they don’t like my actions and try to provoke me to react to their words and behaviour. I remain calm until I can deal with it later but they persist in trying to get me to react sometimes concluding that I must be mentally ill for not reacting to their expectations! It’s head spinning, mind games. It’s frustrating to encounter these people in my daily life! Thanks!
I learn only in the later life to focus on myself throughout my working experience of working with difficult people at work. I used to get really stressed out and express my annoyance and irritation working with difficult people. Now I still get annoyed but take a deep breath and tell myself focus on myself. Everyone works differently they don’t have to be what and how I wanted to be. If I don’t like it I will change it myself rather than asking them to change.
I appreciate you for discussing such a gripping topic and admitting that you used to be a difficult person as well. It’s a great treasure to be able to connect with others as a real friend and all problems solve with the clear head. Wow, it was so amazing to hear that situation, when both colleagues have problems in relationship as one was asking right questions, but other was bad listener. There was the main reason for the quarrels and misunderstanding between them. We all has strong bias and couples have the same problem which can lead into the divorce. So, the best way to deal with it, to overcome the problem and to find the ability to be successful
The best way to deal with it: -If they are so set on there own views then remove yourself -Respond as formally as possible and be proud of yourself as there are probably other people out there just like you (aka: don’t let a single person(s) thought differ from yourself -Review you self normally and from the conversation (really think about you and your influences) -Show forms of care for the situation as more tension from the type of person wont lead to no better resolve -(optional) try to attempt to understand there view on the situation (may flop based on sererity) -Be proud of yourself mentally, and physically, emotionally and socially. From here you have to figure out where you plan on going with yourself as every situation is different. Complexity differs, and situations can be very vast. One of those things you have to learn on your own or with help from someone who is willing to listen if possible. Stay true to yourself 👍 not everyone is perfect but you can trive for greatness. Spread the word.
What I learn: do not enage with their threat/anger/attitute… Keep yourself neutral or get out the situation. And other thing is just don’t judge. Anyone coming angry, intimidating, threathening… just have fears and the need to be in control. But you are not under their control, so just be calm and gentle. Or not, just get out if things get heated.
I completely agree with Jay Johnson, because we really can’t be good for everyone,there are bound to be some who don’t like us. We are used to seeing the bad in other people, but we don’t notice it behind us. But for good communication, you only need to look at yourself from the outside. We can’t change another person, but we can make it so that we no longer feel that this person is complicated. And to do this, you just need to change yourself and your attitude to people.
Humans are fractious by nature. Don’t be wide open, and end discussions that are deteriorating, avoid that person for as long as possible. If it is work related they will get even and your opportunities will be limited. At that point, start looking for another job and learn from any mistakes you might have made to contribute to the problem. If it is family, learn to get along but in small doses.
Risky bubble and Benjamin wibby, thanks for your comments. This talk is really good to understand why we get stressed and how we can work things out with reasonable people. But if the person shows themselves to be unreasonable then we have to get away somehow. I once heard a psychologist say that things were better when we lived in villages because everyone knew who was what archetype and how to deal with them by the combined wisdom. Now we are on our own and there are far too many people who have not learnt to be socially part of society.
Wow, Jay Johnson brought up a very important topic here about dealing with difficult people. Every day we encounter them – in the metro, in the shop or at work or university. Sometimes, while coping with them, we may even experience stress. In order to be able to interact with these individuals, we should start with ourselves. But why with ourselves? We can’t change the behavior of others, that’s why we have to look from internal. Jay Johnson gives us some very useful tips that can help us influence our and others’ behavior, which I certainly going to apply in my everyday life. Firstly, we should prohibit ourselves from labeling people as they infiltrate the way we see the world (“difficult”, “not listener”, “gossipier”). Secondly, we have to use inclusive language (“we”, “us”, “together”) as it gives us a sense of togetherness. Thirdly, people should use the techniques of reward and recognition as it may motivate others. Last but not least, we must separate the person from their behavior. Overall, I think that all of us should bear it in mind, because our relationships with people are essential, and if we’re not engaging in them, they’re going to continuously go down.
I think Jay makes some good points regarding improving relationships with reasonable people. However, there are some outliers that will use any opportunity to improve their standing, mainly in the competitive workplace. I do feel that somehow, the victim contributes to the situations by appearing to the ‘bully’ as being weak. They treat kindness as weakness. I believe that these manipulators need be made to understand that they cannot get away with this behaviour with you. From my experience, indifference is the best approach. Neither aggression nor submission work. However, they need to know that you will not tolerate disrespect.
There are many things I appreciate about this article. For one thing, learning how to better use language (I like NVC) and to gain knowledge about temperament types, love languages, and that sort of thing is really pretty essential and basic – if you want to grow in maturity and become more successful in your relationships (personal and professional). It is also good to keep your own health in mind as the priority. However, his talk also hands difficult people an unintended gift (you can find it in the comments below). He basically says that if others find you difficult, it’s because THEY aren’t talking to you correctly. THEY should learn to approach you more inclusively and congenially. It’s THEIR fault. When managers create this kind of atmosphere, it supports bullying in the workplace. Many people already make an effort to communicate as effectively as possible and to educate themselves about creating productive teams and win/win outcomes. People who do not have good social skills are not automatically “difficult” people. For example, there are plenty of people “on the spectrum” (as they say), or introverted, who are brilliant in their work- but not great at small talk, or are just not good at intuitively picking up on workplace “norms,” etc. There may be people who were not brought up in situations that taught nuanced and/or advanced communication skills (as listed above). Both of these groups might be able to benefit from explicit training and expectations about team building (as Jay describes).
Your 15 mins informative speech is gonna work throughout my life. I usually get nervous when I assume someone belligerent as result my confidence dial down I can’t talk effectively. But from now on every time I will find my self in situation like this I will understand their behaviour pattern and my brain response and try to see the things as they actually are.
Some points I noted, thanks for this very helpful article: 1. Our brain is designed for survival – it is an important response 2. We cannot change other people’s behavior, we need to look at a different framework of operating from internal – because the stress affects our heart attack 3. Behavioral intelligence has 4 quadrants: able to explain existing behaviors (don’t be bias and label, look deeper and answer why), able to predict future behaviors (reduce anxiety), influence other people’s behaviors (using inclusive language, reward & recogination), control our own behaviors (take a deep breath) 4. Separate the person and their behavior 5. Someone else’s bad behavior should not be the cause of your heart attack
I agree with Jay Johnson that only by improving our behavior will we be able to cope with the conflict and that can occur in dealing with difficult people. Jay is a professional in his field and this confirms his countless awards. Unfortunately, office sociopaths, who daily cover the gas, rarely get reprimands. Everyone else in the office is convinced that they are great and that you are a problem. The best solution is to remove yourself from this environment.
Not a difficult person but a difficult situation, I 100% agree on his points but they are all solutions to misunderstanding between non difficult people. Difficult people are those who when spoken to exactly the way he described, instead of changing their attitude they instead become defensive. Instead of calming down along with you they talk over you, not giving space for you to calm down or even think. Those are difficult people, people who refuse to listen to reason and logic and trying to deal with those types of people will only lead to chaos. So far my best solution for that has been to exit the premise in order to save my own sanity. Really was hoping to get some new or even better solution. Oh well next article.
I used to work in a place with very difficult people. It was killing me inside. My hair started falling, wasn’t able to sleep at night, and developed bad anxiety. I worked for this company almost 6 years. Until I decided to quit. Best decision of my life! My whole life changed. If you are in the same situation and these difficult people don’t change, leave! Don’t let them be your death.
This has been incredibly helpful to me! I listened to it while I was working one day, doing a boring task, and it really did sink in. I took what he said and changed a little bit to be more fitting for myself. I don’t say it’s my heart attack I say it’s your heart attack. So when somebody pulls out in front of me and pisses me off I say nope you’re not going to give me one it’s your heart attack. I just find that it feels more empowering. Also from something else I had read if you deeply inhale and exhale six times in 30 seconds it lowers your blood pressure faster than just sitting still. I wrote that on my windshield right where I could see it “6 in 30” . And you know what I used it again today and it totally helped me calm down. Hope that helps and be safe!✌💗😷
i love how you said this about not putting blame other people. it’s not always easy though dealing with difficult people. I rather not deal with toxic behaviors especially at work. I like when my job allows us to express our concerns so it didn’t affect how we felt during our job performance. always important in working together in a company
The speaker rises a very relevant topic, because every day people work, study together, communicate with each other and the aim is to do what you do and no to waste your energy and time on unnecessary stress. We’re presented with different archetypes, unique approaches how to overcome this problem. The most strong recommendation, from my point of view, is that people should ask questions to explain one’s behaviour. All in all, we should separate the person from behaviour.
Wish this helped with family relationships. I always seem to be different, wrong, not as good, etc. It always feels like my family members see something wrong with me and want to fix that, while I am being over sensitive, anxious and avoidant. I know that some aspects of my current situation are not great, but it hurts twice as much when family does not support and seek to blame me instead. Thank you for an intersting speech. I will consider some of these techniques for my own good. My heart can take so much. Stress causes me heert aches and high blood pressure.
This way to resolve a communication problem with a difficult coworker would be wonderful. Unfortunately when your coworker is a very smart manipulator and says everybody that she/he has absolutely no issues and is able to go so far to turn everybody against you then…unfortunately there is no way to win, especially if your own manager does not believe in you and you are not such a good actor as your coworker … then nothing to do. Even the best communication techniques cannot help like “asking questions”, trying to put yourself from up position to down position etc… only disaster will come sooner or later… and no one will win…there will be only a huge loss for company and both employees. So if you do not know what to do and no communication training, article can help you, then just quit. Quit for your own health and not to have that heart attack… move to another company and start over,,, just try to use everything you learned from your bad experience.. also try to take some communication trainings which you will find helpful.
Well done presentation! I really took home that labeling people as difficult may be blocking us from seeing them for who they really are. Passionate, dedicated, strong willed etc. If we can see the behavior in people we label as difficult as similar to those that we know and love we will be more likely to see a way forward with them.
I’m often a difficult person because I don’t wear ideological glasses when I look around. This includes political, professional, or social situations. People don’t like hearing about the downside, shortcomings, blind spots in their approach to things, but there are times when someone has to point out that the emperor isn’t wearing any clothes and I’m the one who feels compelled to do that. Now in the fairy tale, once the kid says it, everyone else feels liberated to say so, too. In real life, that rarely happens. In real life people feel affronted and don’t want to stop pretending that the emperor is splendidly turned out.
I absolutely agree with Jay Johnson. The idea that he tries to illustrate is very common for all of us. People should protect their health and their mind fromthe stress, despite the fact that it is sometimes really difficult. I suppose that a person can not be good for all other people, and of course it can cause misunderstanding and problems in communication. However we should non accuse each other of causing problems. Communication need such words as “we”, “us”, “together”. It doesn’t seem so important, but is, and it was mentioned by the speaker. I consider, that if we apply his advices for our life, it would be less stressful.
This is a good article. It has a lot of useful information that can be used in modern society. As soon as we see a person we put a label on him and very rarely we change him. It’s true that our behavior changes depending on the person we are talking to. The speaker brought many ways to change things in a positive way. People may know very little about the interlocutor but immediately begin to hate him. Maybe, he would thought about you too. People say that appearance is deceiving.
As a new manager in the retail industry I observed the same minions repeatedly agreeing with the hierarchy. I chose to challenge the stereotype management system. Suddenly the accolades come forth for achieving beyond the expectations of previous minions. I have since left that industry & now consult with various industries. This is a daily challenge as the need to influence other people as often the common denominator is ignorance, due to a lack of knowledge of the listener. We like to be right, but to be right comes from knowledge, experience & systemic metrics.
Jay Johnson you are dapper lad. A sharp dresser ready for gymnastics. You have the moves. I bet you could dance around any difficult person. I enjoyed your talk. My favorite response to attack statements is: “That’s interesting. Why do you think or say that?” Active listening is what I think you are promoting. I enjoy debates but many people don’t so I try to be discerning.
I work in a senior living community. Independent living, assisted living, memory care, rehab, and long term care. I have daily contact with any number of 200 residents of varying decay, 1-2 responsible family members, 150 employees (mostly low paid), 5 government regulatory agencies. I swim in a pool of difficult, toxic people all day and after hours, as I’m on call 24/7 365. It’s killing me slowly, and destroying my relationship with family.
I understand that this was mostly for difficult people at work but I needed the correct tools to process the first blowout I had with my partner over the weekend. I’m sooo glad cause this is exactly what I needed! I knew he was somewhat a “difficult” person (great guy overall) but I suppose he is just as strong-willed as I am and now I can predict how future difficult conversations are likey to go and now I know how to approach those situations.
NOTES You can’t change the way people behave. Change the way you label people . Archetypes such as “one uppers” or “gosspiers” Why should we have to change ourselves for the way someone else’s behaviour? Because it’s your stress levels which increase. If you saw someone else do the same thing you wouldn’t mind them . There’s a bias. If we can explain behaviours then we can reduce it Use inclusive language ‘I noticed we are having some difficulty communicating’ I am also a difficult person for some people. – Take a deep breath ( telling out system) – Counting to 10 ( “Why don’t we take a step back and come at this again with clear heads?”) – Separate out the person from the behaviour
My personal issue is I expect other people to work hard. That’s what others find difficult about me. What I’ve done is I’ve stopped picking up other people’s slack. I no longer concern myself with how others are doing and focus solely on me. You don’t wanna do anything today go for it but I’m not covering you. It’s been nice perusal people drown and I don’t have to stress about it because it’s not my job to care.
In summary from this article, when we see someone’s difficult behavior giving us heart attacks (anger) we start to label them and have this strong temptation to fight back or have the fight or flight mode. But we must remember that we cannot change someone’s behavior. But what we CAN do is change our OWN. In doing this you can: – Get out of the frame. You can say “I don’t like his/her behavior.” or “Is this behavior really worth my heart attack?” or anything similar to this. Doing this automatically separates behavior and the person. – Change your perspective of him/her and be nice to them. Compliment them, congratulate them or do anything that makes them smile no matter how much you don’t wanna do it. You won’t regret it since after doing so their perspective of you and yopur perspective of them will change in a more positiveway and the “difficult behavior” will soon be gone. – Breathe and remember that this is impermanent and not worth your time. Stay smart and don’t let your feelings take over.
15 years ago we were subject to ‘team’ talks like “we are having difficulty communicating” blah blah with serious eye contact pointed in a glance at those ‘offenders’. I think, in hindsight it would have been a more fun and friendly way of doing it would be: A fun date.Seriously! All evening if you have to sort it out psychologically.JUST those TWO that are having an issue. Quick and Expedient. The results can be told to the boss/higher authority, the next morning of how it went to see if someone needs to be gotten rid of or held onto. I believe the effort into sorting it out in that evening would be great, in both senses of the word.
Lower your expectations of people in general. Also, do your boss’s work and coworkers work too. Corporate doesn’t care about you, and we as good workers have to take it . Just don’t sweat it, if it doesn’t get done. Oh well. You tried. They will always protect the bad employees. They will always get their way. They are very manipulative. They lie and just want to do less and less. Creating a stressful environment for a few. So that’s why it continues. Only a few people have to do all the work, if it were all employees doing all the work. Corporate would then change it b\\c they would have to do. B\\C then it would effect their bottom line. It’s all about money and they could care less who’s actually suffering and doing all the work. They only care about numbers.
Non-verbal body language is the #1 communication between two or more individuals. It’s a two way street, if you are thinking the person sitting across from you at the meeting does not like you try and be aware of what your own body language is saying. You might find you can alter situations by just becoming more aware of yourself. What people are speaking is actually a very small factor in any exchange.
Well, I think this article is very useful for people because we always face with the discussions and people that we don’t want to face. Firstly, we have to think about ourselves and not to criticise everyone for their behaviour if we don’t like it. Secondly, if we have to face with them we should take a deep breath, count numbers and calm down because it’s your heart attack and your problem and don’t blame everyone for your nervousness. The last aspect about labeling. We always label people before talking with them. We shouldn’t label people because it’s impolite. Thus, we have to understand ourselves and not to accuse everyone
I am a difficult person to deal with. I am stubborn, disagreeable, challenging, and quite often argumentative when someone says incorrect information or says something I disagree with. I am blunt, to the point and do not sky away from confrontation as long as It solves the problem. I admire directness especially if someone comes to me and says something I said or did bothers them, instead of behaving passive aggressively or gossiping to everyone else. Yell at me, tell me how you feel. I am open to it.
I’m glad people here are dealing with a difficult boss or coworker or colleague or roommate perhaps. What’s most difficult is when you love your mother unconditionally and she too is a rather good person but her inner instincts /womanly offense/ego/ stubbornness / narrow mindedness/aggression/ passive aggression/what should I call /?/mixture of all kicks in everytime you talk to her on something that might need to be changed n discussed or tell her or try to correct or show another perspective or just calmly talk not really complain but somewhere on the same lines but she doesn’t want to as she would take offense and then her mouth opens to taunt and blurt out very hurtful words namecalling and even saying anything to her in that situation would mean (in her eyes) you’re trying to intimidate her or teach her now or answer her back . It’s hard to deal with as the only change will be in you never in her. Though the love is there in both. That’s hard.. that may kill you from within if you don’t overlook and absolutely decide to ignore n change it all. Yet you do know the love is there, more than any other person in the world. If you don’t stay calm though and turn it into comedy, you will be serious n dead inside. Its difficult but can be dealt with once you realise she won’t change and only you have to ignore certain aspects and tune the website into comedy and love all that you can. Humanity I guess..m
My hair was falling out, my blood pressure was through the roof. My anxiety and depression was off the charts especially on sunday nights..Our recent boss was the owners daughter who had no clue experience or backbone to manage a dead flea.. I had no where to go but out the door. I left on stress leave 6 years ago and was the best and most frightening thing I did after the 20 years I worked there. How am I going to pay my rent? I fought to survive and I succeeded in not becoming homeless. I had nightmares for 5 years. Workplace bullies are real.
I have a situation where a manage an employee(I’m a man, she’s a woman), who constantly plays the victim and attempts to pull on my heart strings. I’ve tried to actually confront about it, in a very professional and non judgemental way, but each time I do, she recoils and pretends and she doesn’t know what I’m talking about. I’m aware of all of this, as much as she’s delivers a great work product, it’s a very annoying situation. I now have a certain amount of anxiety whenever I need to confront her on any issues, as her responses are so predictable(which in turn has become a trigger for me). I’m working on changing the reporting structure, so she reports to someone else, but that also feels like a cop out…pushing a potential issues on to someone else.
IMHO – he oversimplifies. In my experience there is usually not /THE/ problem at the center of an interaction. Rather, there are many layers and naturally conflicting objectives, where /THE/ problem is just the superficially perceived center, while all the other – more hidden layers are discoursed at the same time. Simple, but frequent example: A) wants more impact in the group and decides to disagree regarding how to tackle problem at hand just for the purpose of trying to gain influence within the group or reduce influence of the one who provided the solution to the problem. In such situations, if one tries to discuss the actual problem at hand while the other(s) focus on the meta levels, it can only go wrong and “Hey – we get a bit passionate – lets take a small recess” will not help. Fact is, that the problem is not the problem. What actually can help is (neutral) colleagues who recognize what is going on and find a way to decouple the various meta levels so they can be resolved individually.
I’m currently caught up in this a lady at my job found out I’m married to someone outside my race by snooping my Facebook up I’ve only been on the job a month she’s been here for years I love the job but she never stops talking about me I never say anything back and I do my best to ignore her existence but it dose get rough. I will never truly understand why is that the workers that just get the job done and not gossip are seen as the problem is it because we don’t defend ourselves? If I reacted to the label I’d be called irrational Idk its Friday I’m at work early ad I always am perusal this tedtalk
I’ve been dealing with a person who appears friendly while having a one-one conversation and completely changes on team meetings…it’s like you get confused which personality to trust cos there are one too many.. it’s easier for me to deal with this situation if the person is outside of the team but unfortunately it’s my immediate boss and it’s been so difficult.. he is so comfortable at lying that I have to resort to email trails and capture screenshots to have a record of what he said!🤯🤯🤯🤯
I had issues with Someone in my work place. Just could not get on with her. Did not listen to me, I did not feel valued, spoke down to me, I found her too much and too controlling. It took some time and some guts but I called her out on how I felt. I pulled her to one side on a 1-1. I asked the why and how I felt. She had no idea how she acted was making me feel. Said she never had that intention. Long story short I’ve never had problems with her again. Advice: confront the person professionally on there own.
How I respond is very simple: I just state the issue clearly & plainly in a firm tone. If the person responds angrily or wanting to attack, I just simply turn around and walk away. If they follow me, I then warn them to back off or else. Works every time like a charm. There, I just saved you 15 minutes of needless blabber.
If I want to elaborate; he clearly has become a successful speaker and motivator, I wouldn’t doubt that he is a consultant of some sort who deals with exactly what he preaches about.. Thus he is using his knowledge about this subject to get ahead in his line of work. He doesn’t play the victim whatsoever, he’s the contrary.. A snake in a suit. I really wish people like him understood that there are people far smarter and successful than him without malicious content. I almost feel sorry for him.
It is important, I think, to differentiate between people who are merely difficult and those who are extreme narcissists/sociopaths/psychopaths. Sometimes that “flight” instinct is justified and necessary. I have met at least two people in my life whom I instantly didn’t like. One later murdered a local businessman/celebrity during a robbery. The other sat down behind a woman on an otherwise empty city bus, strangled her to death, and then calmly got off the bus; the bus driver only noticed the dead body after the man got off. Narcissists/sociopaths/psychopaths may not always be murderers, but they are statistically more common than one would think – and they often do well in corporate and government management because they do not self-limit themselves to ethical behavior and honesty. And if they rise high enough up, they tend to promote like-minded people who are also sabateurs and liars. When a company goes too far in that direction, no honest person can survive in that environment. Very often, the people are far more than just “difficult.” In addition, such “difficult” people have often mastered the very skills identified in this article (“we” vs. “you”), etc. In fact, mastering those skills has been a large component of their success.
There needs to be better relationships between employee and employee, as well as the employee and employer, there are not enough quality work cultures out there in the United States, to build more highly effective teams fostering positive work environments for everyone, is truly a worthy but difficult mission indeed. I aim to be the kind of supply chain manager that my fellow workers can respect and come to for/about anything, there is no difficult enough person or problem on Earth that can’t be dealt with if approached with the right mindset and actionable steps.
It is true, what Jay Johnson says. There are a lot of people who have difficulties with other persons. But they should try to avoid these situations, improving their behaviour. The steps Jay says will be useful to me. Firstly, I should be less stressful. Secondly, I will try to look at problems on the bright side. And, pf course, I should think about person’s behaviour. Thank you for this valuable information!
I think, this article is useful. Here you can find responses to question “Why difficult people behave like this?” And some instructions how to communicate with them, how to protect from yourself them, it might can help you, in your own relationships or communication with colleges. I like that any problems with behaviour might be solved together. Maybe “Bad person”, will react on it!
The less knowledges a person has, the more extreme he will believe in something, because he never heard of anything opposite of it. That’s why you can never win an argument on the internet. Don’t tell the internet trolls you reason to do something or not to do something, just block them. Like he said, we don’t always need to change our behaviour.
ASD+NT Couples resources: — Living with ASD – eBook and Audio Instruction for Neurodiverse Couples: livingwithaspergerspartner.com/ — One-on-One Skype Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by ASD: adultaspergerschat.com/2019/07/skype-counseling-for-struggling-couples.html — Group for ASD Men Struggling in Their Relationship with an NT Spouse: adultaspergerschat.com/2020/11/group-for-asd-men-struggling-in-their.html — Group for Neurotypical Women Struggling in Their Relationship with an ASD Spouse: adultaspergerschat.com/2020/11/group-for-nt-women-struggling-in-their.html — Online Group Therapy for Neurodiverse Couples Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder: adultaspergerschat.com/2020/10/mark-hutten-m.html — Recovery from Cassandra Syndrome – Counseling for Neurotypical Spouses: cassandrasyndromerecovery.com/2021/08/recovery-from-emotional-deprivation-for.html — ASD Men’s MasterClass: asdmasterclass.com/2022/02/asd-mens-masterclass.html Parenting resources: — Preventing Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder: autism-meltdowns.com/ — Discipline for Defiant Teens on the Autism Spectrum: myaspergersteen.com/ — Launching Adult Children with ASD Level 1: How to Promote Self-Reliance: launchingadultchildren.com/ — Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Kids on the Spectrum: social-skills-emotion-management.
Autist here: Wow, that makes my hair stand up. I’ve been hoodie guy all my life. Normie tells me “you’re doing X”. My autistic brain goes either: “here comes another round of criticism for my status”, or “here comes another round of ‘YouDids’, without an explanation of ‘she felt’ until some time tomorrow “. Then normie walks away because I failed to mind read him. Autist didn’t have a clear understanding of what defensiveness is. To a normie, it’s defensiveness, to an autist, it’s just another day among thousands when a normie criticized them for breaking an unspoken rule, then got frustrated and walked away, rather then stating, and explaining the rules. Apparently, the first rule of normie club is to never speak the rules. I do appreciate all you have done on this website. I’ve lived through that scene thousands of times. Knowing that makes me depressed and anxious.
🤣🤣😂😂😂🤣 This is one of the best ones and I’ll say this because my ex-husband is a narcissist. Okay he doesn’t have Asperger’s but he does the same thing or did the same thing with the defensiveness thing. It was like talking to a wall he would become so defensive and yet I would stand there not rolling my eyes but you know in my head I would roll my eyes and what can you do but walk away. You know this is a sad thing we can laugh about this and that’s good that we can but I know with my narcissist husband it’s like when they walk in the dark. God talks about giving them over to their their reprobate mind.. the thing that saved me was my relationship with God it didn’t make any difference if it was with my ex narcissist husband at the time or my best friend who is aspergers. I had to look at myself and not them anymore. There’s nothing that I could do for them they could actually change their behavior being at a brain disorder or a personality disorder whatever it was the Lord has shown me that he is my piece and that by keeping my eyes on myself accepting how they are understanding how they are and then turning it over to God helped me immensely. I can’t save or change anybody I know my savior can. So that’s why I keep my eyes on him now it was a game-changer