The text explores the impact of parenting styles on children’s development, mental health, behavior, and well-being. It discusses the three types of temperament: easy, difficult, and slow to warm up, and how they affect children’s development and parenting styles. Authoritative parenting is a style that combines high expectations, support, and communication with children, leading to better academic, social, and emotional outcomes.
The four main parenting styles identified by psychologists are permissive, authoritative, neglectful, and authoritarian. Parents must understand how their parenting style influences their child’s long-term health, well-being, self-esteem, and relationships with others. Diana Baumrind proposes four parenting styles: authoritarian, permissive, authoritative, and uninvolved.
The study reveals that children who are highly irritable or difficult babies are more vulnerable to the role of parental influence. There are four main parenting styles: authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and neglectful. Authoritarian parenting focuses on creating rigid structure through rules and punishment rather than open communication and nurturing.
There are two types of difficult babies: those who cries and fuss most of the time, and those who cries and fuss most of the time. To manage these challenges, parents can take steps such as taking a shower, using noise-cancelling headphones, paying someone to take their child, and considering sleep training for older babies.
In conclusion, the text emphasizes the importance of understanding and managing one’s own temperament and parenting styles to ensure a positive and nurturing environment for their children.
📹 The Brain Expert: How To Raise Mentally Resilient Children (According To Science) | Dr. Daniel Amen
Today, let’s welcome back renowned brain expert and child psychologist, Dr. Daniel Amen! We discuss mindful parenting, ways …
What is the most exhausting age to parent?
The initial months of parenthood can be challenging due to the constant care and attention newborns require, which may be difficult for new parents to balance with other responsibilities and commitments. New parents may experience feelings of overwhelm, sleep deprivation, and a lack of restorative periods. Nevertheless, with time, parenting can become less exhausting as new parents adapt to the changes in their lives and the constant care and attention newborns require.
Are difficult babies easier toddlers?
The study reveals that children who are highly irritable or difficult are more susceptible to parental influence. If parents are responsive, these babies are more likely to grow into sociable, engaged toddlers. However, if parents lack responsiveness, these “difficult” babies are more vulnerable to withdrawal or less sociability. The research suggests that temperament is more of a moderating factor, affecting a child’s susceptibility to the outside environment and parenting actions.
This is important because parents often consider their child’s temperament as something permanent or uncontrollable. The study emphasizes the importance of understanding and addressing temperament in early childhood development.
What parenting style is best for infants?
Research shows that children with authoritative parents perform well emotionally and socially, have secure attachments, and are cooperative with peers and authority figures. However, authoritarian parenting, which enforces strict rules and punishments, can lead to unrealistic expectations and a “what I say goes” mentality. This parenting style can lead to less impulsivity and internalization of emotions, as children may feel pressured to be perfect or withdraw due to the lack of opportunities for personal growth. While teaching children to follow rules can be beneficial, it is important to consider the potential consequences and emotional development of children in such situations.
What age do babies get easier?
New parents often wonder when the newborn stage will end and parenting will become easier. The newborn stage is characterized by intensive baby care, lack of sleep, and crying. However, many babies become easier around 3 to 4 months old. It’s normal for parents to feel exhausted and overwhelmed during the first year.
One reason for this may be the baby’s sleep changes during the first few months and beyond. Babies require a lot of sleep in the first month, making it easy to transport and get things done around the house. Coping strategies include ensuring your baby gets enough sleep, adjusting to their environment, and adjusting to their new routine.
How do you bond with a difficult baby?
If you cannot hold your baby skin-to-skin, gently touch them to comfort them and bond. Stay safe while practicing skin-to-skin cuddles, as falling asleep on a bed, sofa, or armchair increases the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). If you feel sleepy, place your baby flat on their back in a Moses basket or crib. If your baby is in the neonatal unit (NICU), ask your midwife or nurse about skin-to-skin contact, also known as kangaroo care, as it has immediate and long-term benefits for premature and low birthweight babies.
What age is the hardest to parent baby?
Eight-year-olds can be challenging from a parent’s perspective due to their stubbornness, independence, and individuality. They often act like they are doing chores, ignoring their parents, and are patience-trying. They can be headache-inducing and patience-trying, but still want a hug after a rough day. It’s hard parenting an 8-year-old, but it’s also hard being an 8-year-old. Parents may find the age most challenging, as many on Instagram characterized the toddler and teen years as especially challenging. It’s important to choose compassion when your 8-year-old is acting like an 8-year-old.
What is the hardest infant stage?
The first three months of a baby’s life can be challenging, but it is normal to feel overwhelmed. Parents should be responsive to their baby’s cues and personality, as this will help them feel more secure. The baby will gain strength to lift their head, smile, follow moving objects, and recognize familiar people. By two months, babies will be sleeping longer at night and feedings should decrease. By the end of the third month, most babies have developed a daily routine for feeding, sleeping, and playing. Reading aloud is crucial for learning to read and developing strong language skills.
In the fourth to seven months, babies enjoy tummy time, roll over, sit with and without support, and become more coordinated. They enjoy social play and interact with their parents. Most babies sleep through the night and may sleep less during the day as they interact more with their environment. Solid foods are often introduced during this time frame.
What is the healthiest parenting style?
Authoritative parenting is the most recommended style for children, as it promotes emotional stability and self-sufficiency. It involves clear communication, age-appropriate standards, and setting boundaries. Children are encouraged to make choices and discuss appropriate behavior. Parents should listen to their children’s emotional health concerns and express love and affection frequently. Positive reinforcement and praise can be used to encourage desired behavior, while ignoring annoying attempts at attention. Parents can also promise to respond when children stop whining. Overall, authoritative parenting is a beneficial approach for children to develop self-awareness and emotional stability.
At what age does raising a baby get easier?
New parents often wonder when the newborn stage will end and parenting will become easier. The newborn stage is characterized by intensive baby care, lack of sleep, and crying. However, many babies become easier around 3 to 4 months old. It’s normal for parents to feel exhausted and overwhelmed during the first year.
One reason for this may be the baby’s sleep changes during the first few months and beyond. Babies require a lot of sleep in the first month, making it easy to transport and get things done around the house. Coping strategies include ensuring your baby gets enough sleep, adjusting to their environment, and adjusting to their new routine.
What is the most strict parenting style?
Parenting styles can be challenging for parents, as they want to do what’s best for their children. Diana Baumrind identified three main parenting styles in the 1960s: authoritarian, authoritative, and permissive. A fourth style, neglectful, was added in the 1980s by Stanford researchers Eleanor Maccoby and John Martin. Baumrind later wrote a book on the authoritative parenting style, which she believed was the most beneficial. All four categories remain in place today.
The effects of parenting styles on children’s development and their manifestation in adulthood are still a subject of heavy discussion in the psychology community. However, there are generally agreed-upon consequences of each parenting style. This article explores the four parenting styles in more detail and discusses their potential consequences on children raised under them. The effects of each parenting style on children’s development are hard to measure, but there are generally agreed-upon consequences.
How to deal with difficult infants?
To cope with a high needs baby, take a break, learn how to read your baby, don’t feel guilty about meeting their needs, don’t make comparisons, join a support group, and remember that this too shall pass. Babies have different personalities, and some are calm and content once all needs are met, while others are “high need” and require more attention. High needs babies are often fussy, demanding, and difficult, and may never seem happy or satisfied, which can be exhausting and frustrating. It’s important to remember that this too shall pass and that this too shall pass.
📹 The Single Most Important Parenting Strategy | Becky Kennedy | TED
Everyone loses their temper from time to time — but the stakes are dizzyingly high when the focus of your fury is your own child.
My God… I loved two specific suggestions that I never knew how to put into words for my adult children who are now parents so they could help instill qualities they have but I didn’t know how my husband and I cultivated those traits. 1. Self esteem has closest correlation to hard work ethic ( our toddlers began chores at 2.5, had to have paying jobs at 14 on weekend, had to work full time summer jobs in high school) 2. Don’t help with home work, relay to child the potential consequences of them not doing it then allow them to experience them good or bad. 3. Also love love love the difference between saying to a child that’s doing a task like alphabet flash cards ” you’re so smart!” And instead say ” what a hard worker you are” so they inculcate hard work habits that pull them through tasks they’re not good at later on. Pure Gold
My dad would take us on long car rides on the weekend just to go for a long ride and be in the same space together and I understand now why he did it. He would play games with us like asking us questions in regards to math he’d give us a scenario of kids how many kids getting on the bus at one stop and then the other and then we have to solve the problem and my dad was always, loving, but firm and just always there for us ready to listen when we needed him and those are some of my biggest memories as a child growing up just being in the car together
In our house we (mom and dad) tell our two children that they are part of our team and we want to help everyone on our team to do well and make better choices so we will have a better life together. We thank them and say I love you many times a day. We ask them for age appropriate help and give some positive feedback. We treat them the way we wished we had been treated when we were growing and failing. We (mom and dad) both of us experienced ridicule when we made mistakes even over minor things, and we both recall being ignored or berated by peers, parents, teachers, and bosses. We learned early on what kind of people and parents we never wanted to become. Fast forward to our late 30s and early 40s we are parents to two young humans whose lives, their minds and thoughts and emotional development and capacity for empathy we cherish and care for and will protect at all costs.
Oh this conversation is magical. This is required listening for all parents today. I’m sharing with every young parent in my life. 20 minutes a day with your child, uninterrupted, no cellphone, no distractions where you give no directions, no commands and ask no questions. This is golden. I needed this reminder Jay Shetty. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Both of my parents exhibit traits of sociopathic narcissism, making them deeply abusive individuals who seek to control every aspect of my life. After much reflection and self-preservation, I have made the decision to sever ties with them. I no longer engage in communication with them and have chosen to distance myself entirely. It’s a necessary step for my well-being and personal growth. Thanx Jay and thank you Dr.Daniel.
The games I played with my kids since they were kids 1. Story and f tickle 2. Hide and seek 3. Reading big picture books they like 4. Blocks 5. Garden time ( they loved swing so much that I used to stand there and talk while they are on swing) 6. Dancing together Etc etc Now they are above 5 year and I play 1. Snakes and ladder 2. Making lemon juice and lemon tea they like 3. Colouring with them 4. Tickle game Sharing just for reference… All kids have different choices
I found this article on my suggestions to watch this morning, after just having an awful morning with my 2 year old. After texting my husband when I got to work, I literally said, we need to figure out something different to do with J. Kicking and screaming and just being mean. I know that what she is doing is because she can’t communicate how she is feeling. She’s a great talker, but can’t always find the words. I’m always in a rush and trying to get everyone ready for work and school. This article just calmed my heart and eased my guilty conscience of being upset and angry when she wasn’t cooperating or listening. I ordered the book before the end. Gosh knows I need help with my 5 step kids too. ❤ Thank you!!
My son is about to turn 3 and he’s my entire world. I would do absolutely anything to keep him safe and protect him. With that being said, I agree 100% with everything Dr. Amen is saying. We have to think about the longevity of our parenting decisions. Allowing your child to forget his hw over and over again by bringing it to him will save him in the moment, but what damage is that doing to him long term? He learns no lessons when you bring it. He becomes that much wiser and stronger when you allow him to suffer the consequences of the mistake.
This is a timely indeed topic. I am a Sri Lankan PhD scholar. Sometimes I feel very bad about me and about my child. I have this guilt cycle. What I have learnt in my journey is this. For us to become more balanced and more a better parent is not an individual task. It has a wholistic approach. Partners, care givers, work environment stress, economic stabilty so on etc all have to come in good combination. Sometimes we may know what is actually going on, we know the methods too. But we fail in practicing them sometimes
My parents were amazing ❤ When I was a torrential teenager, one parent would take me for a long drive. We’d sit there, maybe make small talk, but eventually I would open up and talk about what was bothering me or on my mind, and it was my parents’ way of reaching me & supporting me during a difficult phase in life. It helped in so many ways, and now I really strive to provide the same stability and nurturing for my two kiddos ❤🥹
As an adult born in the 80s, people being in their phones at dinner reminds me of eating with a TV on in my childhood. When we had one TV in the living room we talked while we ate in the dining room. Then we got a TV in the dining room and didn’t talk. But my parents didn’t like each other sometimes although they had amongst the best relationship of the people we knew. Then it was tv trays in the living room and stopped using the dining room except holidays. article games, TV, and phones are a symptom of people avoiding something else I think 😅
I disagree with Dr Amen on the “never tell your kids they’re smart” point. I was never told that I was smart or intelligent until I reached my mid-20’s, and I heard it from my Supervisor at work. I can’t overstate how big of a confidence boost this was for me. When my stepdaughter get’s down on herself and tells me “I can’t do this, I don’t know how”, I get her to say “I haven’t figured out how to do this yet” instead. I tell her the only difference between her not knowing something, and knowing it, is time and effort.. you have the intelligence to learn it, you just have to put it in the work.
I considered explaining this to my dad but stopped my self. Not sure if it’s a good or negative thing but ultimately I know I need to correct it from my part as a mother. This article was very revelatory and I hope to honor my self and work on my ego and allow the management of my child in a healthy way. That self attack was just wow. I can’t control the processing of my father and I have realize that it’s not a reflection of my self nor my responsibility but what is, is being to be present and balance my ego for my self and break the cycle. I need this book please.
I never yell at my kids, never smack, always try to be emotionally regulated but show them that it’s ok to be sad or cry .. problem is, I didn’t grow up with boundaries. No rules, no love or care. I don’t know how to create boundaries .. it makes me feel like they will hate me. I know, from looking around, that all kids need and do better in life with them.. I just don’t know how to go about it. This article has made me realise I need to get help to learn. Thank you.
20 mins of quality time doing something the child loves. That’s like finding child’s love language and using that time that they are loved. 20 mins of no command, directions or judgement. Listen and try to find the feeling behind it. Dont try to pour your wisdom on them. If you look weird, you’ll hang out with weird people. Mentally strong kids don’t believe everything they think.! They should Always question their vulnerable thoughts. If You blame other people for your life, then you become a victim and powerless. Just be curious rather than being furious.! If you have the expectation, they’ll do it the first time, like catheline(child’s name) you have to take the trash out within next 30 mins and if she doesn’t the say sweetheart you can take the trash out now or face the consequences. I love her, she knows it but if she’s not disciplined has to face the consequences. Stop threatening them and then not following through.! Because you teach them, you’ve to tell them and bit angry 😡 in order for them to do what’s you asked them to do.! Earlier you start better for them. If you’re not spending time with kids their friends will take this place and they might not be right advice or right ear 👂🏾 for them.! Being on social media, creates Toxic level of self absorption. Who’s looking at me? Who am I looking at.? Who am I following? Self absorbed people are never happy.! Everybody’s not doing it(being on social media) I love you so much that I’m gonna protect you.
Amazing interview and information… Didn’t know this before. ..but I start reading together with my son for 30 minutes a day…. my son did not like it at first … I told him this is one way for us to bond…now he knows after dinner and after his piano practice..we read . We also eat together without any phone on sight.
My parents and others told me how smart I was my whole life and I continue to tell myself that no matter what. I disagree saying that is wrong. Maybe say youre working so hard as well. My subconscious has programmed myself to constantly say im smart and it encourages the hell out of me to learn and grow. Maybe its just my definition of smart.
I believe the very first and last rule to raising a child is Love, unconditional love, love your kid how God loves him or her! Kids are all individuals, if you just live by love you won’t have to teach they will ask to learn, I still tie my 10 year olds shoe laces, he struggles yet in school he is gifted! His mom was a boxer, i used to gang bang, yet I don’t teach him to be tough, I just love him, the toughness will come, I’m a hard worker, he offers to help without asking! Love them unconditionally and allow them to love themselves unconditionally!
Omg, I’ve been saying this for at least 34 years! “Don’t send children to be raised by strangers. Yes, attachment. But also..The children FAR outnumber the adults, the ignorant & undeveloped end up influencing & raising one another. The blind leading the blind.” This is why after being in child dev’t & care & experiencing “parents”, I stayed at home & educated my kids myself.
When my kids were in elementary school, they were responsible for making their own lunch and making sure they took it to school.Each one of them forgot their lunch once. When I took them their lunch, I told them that if I had to ever bring it again, I was bringing bread and water. I never had to do that because they knew I meant it!
Once when my daughter was around 18/19 while she was unhinged screaming about every little time I upset her in her life and in the middle of her meltdown I said to her, what do you want from me? What do I have to do for you? I do not want to have this kind of relationship with you. She instantly stopped freaking out, she had no real answer to that and our relationship is the best it has ever been since. That one question changed everything.
I am a devastated parent of teens… listening to this I feel so disheartened, wish this was on my radar when my kids were little. I have always given them and still do – a lot of time, effort and love. I have never been too hard on them or pressured them to be high achievers (mistake??). But as teens they have not turned out that great I don’t think. One has ADHD (which is obviously not her fault etc, and it’s not a problem in itself) and is very challenging, engaging in risky behaviour that of course I don’t condone and am heart broken about. She takes any criticism extremely personally and just wants to run away from home every time things get challenging. The other one is a very anxious with depressive episodes, has engaged in self harm and other things that are completely incomprehensible to me. Let me also say that my marriage is absolutely great, nothing but love and affection, and no arguments. I also feel like Instagram and Tik Tok have been the other two parents in this family. I am honestly at a loss and feel like I have failed to prepare them for life.
What works for my family and parenting doesn’t necessarily mean that will work for others and vice versa. Please just be the parent your child needs. Love them, be there for them and build bond. Don’t get too attached to your child because kids are gift from God. We don’t own them, they’re gift that can be taken anytime.
The difficulty is for those of us who really have done all the things–not perfectly, of course–but when we have listened to all the advice, allowed the natural consequences, loved unconditionally, limited screentime, spent quality time with them, showed up for them when they need us, without making ourselves too available, allowed them to make their own decisions and stood with them through their mistakes, but the brain is not working right! So, we provide them with counseling, medical intervention, alternative health practitioners and methods, etc. and still, to seemingly no avail! Is there hope?
I was hesitant to listen to this episode and to my surprise there is so much useful information. My kids are young adults and I find myself trying to deepen our relationship. I agree with Jay when he expands on the concept of win or learn. Am working on softening my voice and creative listening instead of critical listening.
After hearing about the Ruby Franke case recently, where many have lambasted her for the incident where she wouldn’t bring her child food to school because they forgot it… it’s easy to see how creating boundaries/enforcing consequences can be taken to the extreme. I do agree that there should be consequences yet by the same token, if the child has adhd and forgets because its beyond their capacity- it would only reinforce feelings of failure. I see this as A highlighted difference between “loving control” and into the hostile arena. Fascinating interview! Much to think on how my own militant upbringing has shaped my mind!
Wow, Jay. I have been a recent listener of your website and not shy to admit the amount of binging I’ve done of your interviews. Your questioning in this segment is incredible, relevant and so practical for everyday parents to better dive into the minds of a child expert especially. Nice work on this piece !
I came to know Christ in jail in 2013 by reading a book, “Overcoming spiritual blindness” by James P. Gills MD. The veil was taken off my eyes. Heaven came through for me in my finances too, getting $25,000 monthly. I can support God’s work and give back to my community. God is absolutely more than enough!
My son’s were 3-Sport Athletes, so we were busy with coaching, being a team parent, taxi’in the boys around for games and practices. Our weekends were games or tournaments. In high-school, they had practice everyday. It was difficult for them to work due to team commitments. They didn’t start working until after graduating hs and that was only the summer in between school. They played college ball too. I did the best I could, but when they forgot homework, I would bring it to them. They didn’t do it often…. I was always prepared for if they didn’t have a coat or whatever. They’re in their 20’s now, still young and figuring things out.
I like what this Dr teaches. Some things I think are his particular personal preferences… I personally know how hard it is to survive in this world and economy and if my adult children ever needed to come home for a time. I would welcome them and I don’t see that as entitlement. We are family and we are there for one another. I also think it’s important they’ve exhausted everything they could to keep that independence before coming home.
I was taught to sit in mindfulness meditation around 5yoa by my mum. I think Jay’s suggestions were great about being mindful in an activity. I think whilst bearing in mind little childrens’ brains aren’t myelinated like adults’, repeated activity will encourage those connections and myelinated neuronal pathways.
While I understand not wanting to solve your child’s problems etc. But as I listen to you say “don’t bring their homework if they forget it. Don’t bring them a sweater or their lunch if they forget”…all I can hear is that article of Ruby Franke espousing this same sentiment. I don’t want my child to become an entitled kid with no sense of responsibility but parents can take what you are saying and run the absolute wrong way with it. I don’t agree that refusing to bring forgotten homework or a forgotten lunch is going to rob your child of agency and resilience. Depending on your child it may reinforce their ability to trust and connect with their parent. Which you also say is vital. Every kid is different. You can’t blanket apply a lot of these concepts. Every kid is different.
I want to teach them to not take themselves too seriously and to not follow anyone else’s advice since everyone is fallible and flawed and what makes sense to one person won’t always make sense for another person. I want them to always know it is their choice and then should feel confident in their choices and accept the experience if things don’t always work out the way they hoped. Hope for the best but expect to keep learning all their lives.
My parents were like this. Ny mother satayed home with 5 of us and my dad was in the army. I worked since i was 14. I always felt more mature than my peers, worked harder, had a house by the time i was 23. But they never once said they were proud, I was very depressed. I worked through all that but in my mid to late 20s and am now free at 32.
49:00 staying in a chronically unhappy, conflicted, negative relationship is WORST EVER. Im glad that i can handle that, eventhough frustated a lot. Btw im married now and having 3YO boy, i really work hard to not get into that relationship. Keep reminding myself that everyone isnt perfect. If you have something that you don’t like in relationship, please talk and discuss about it in good way.
My 14 y/o started failing in highschool because of lazyness. I couldn’t sit back and ket him fail. I scheduled an early IEP meeting. Because if I were to let him fail he might become a junkie on the streets of the USA. Step in and help your kids if needed. The streets of the USA now can be very dangerous because there’s so many bad things out there on the streets, drugs, gangs, etc (big city living) Do what you need to do as a parent and definitely bond. Make activities together. Even if it’s going for walks.
I like this except for the points made at 7:22. If your child, who is developing, forgets their lunch, BRING their damn lunch. Grown ups still do this all the time. You can be forgetful sometimes and still be a good human. I don’t see how that will help school aged children. The youtube mother that got arrested did this lunch bullshit test and she is a child abuser.
I did my homework and was a good kid but my self esteem is low. My parents were not very present though. I did things right so that Id not get criticised like my older siblings. It’s very important to understand where that independence is coming from. From a free space to explore your capacity or from not having any support or shoulder to lean on. Very different outcomes: confident independent or anxious independent.
15:44 🧐His ideals don’t feel or sound healthy to me as a whole. Is anyone else picking up on how scattered this interview was? I haven’t even made it halfway, but: “If you look weird you’re going to hang out with weird people…” “Weird people?” That’s such an unsophisticated take. He’s talking about “blue hair.” As if the Epsteins and Weinsteins of the world aren’t walking around in business suits being super weird and terrible. As if the only reason a child may want to do something that deviates from the norm is “to fit in.” Some of the most brilliant, creative people think outside the box and did and continue to do things that deviate from the norm. If they listened to this man’s philosophies acted inauthentically and hid their eccentricities we probably wouldn’t have their contributions to society today. Like imagine if Albert Einstein was in someone’s mirror every morning preoccupied with brushing his hair instead of revolutionizing physics.😂 Imagine if he was too afraid to share his unorthodox ideas. Yes, his hair is a thing, even decades after his death, BUT his contributions to science far outweigh his appearance— which actually makes him a more interesting historical figure. Telling people to listen and connect with their children and listen to the emotion behind their words and then making comments like this seems counterintuitive. Sure this was just one example, and in this example the kid wanted to fit in, but the “weird people, can’t have blue hair in my house” comment speaks volumes about his mentality.
Thank you for this insightful conversation.🙏 I don’t have children but I have (me and my sister) many confidence and self suficiency/independence problems since we became adults and the more we now the causes and reflect on our childhood and the way we were educated by our parents, tge more we can reflect, understand and question thinks. So that we become healthier and mental stronger human beeings and someone capable of parenting with a growth mindset. This os what I truely belive. So thank you again🧡🌱🙏
Im a dad of 2 girls. 5 and 2 and i am definitely going to use this 20min rule. I tried taking my 5 year old fishing. I know nothing about fishing i just thought it would be good. Thinking back i projected frustration and eas telling her what to do. Its no wonder she tells me she doesn’t want to go. Also i can vividly remember how happy it made me when my parents joined in on the things i enjoyed. Problem is, i think i can count on less than 2 hands how many times that happened between the two of them.
I’m far from being a perfect dad, I sometimes neglect time, but I’m trying to instil some key moments in life that my son would hopefully realize one day that he’s loved and treasured. We go to camping every year, we go on a trip every year, we go on a bike ride (if I have time, which I know you have to find at least 20mins), I carry him from bed to kitchen every morning. I’m hoping all those small things will have an effect on him when he grows up. 😢
My wife says I am the best father because I spend so much time with my children. I have a 6 yr old who since 2 has been a strong willed resistent child. She begins the day seeking attention. I have to give her at least 20 devoted minutes playing exactly what she wants to feel peace to move on. As parents we are very busy with work and kids. Fighting off being on tablets or youtube and fostering high quality activitives and growing experiences.
I definitely use some of these methods with my kids. I learn from trial and error and some from how my parents raised me plus I get ideas from other family members who have kids. Never hurts to learn different methods as no child is the same. I certainly don’t claim to know it all and my kids are not the mist obedient but they do think for themselves and go after their goals.
Thankyou Dr. AMEN and JAY for doing meaningful work . Highly appreciate the efforts of both of You to help raise the kids in a good loving and supportive environment yet giving them the freedom to learn from mistakes . Am implementing them with my sons this very moment .Thankyou for the guidance dr Amen.
I was telling my Father how financially struggling I am that I might have to sell my car. He was endearing for the most part and I felt supported but then he was like, oh if you sell for cheap (than the book value) give it to my wife! 😢😢I realized that this may be how my father always been and I grew up with it- dismissed the who narrative of how I’m struggling so why would I sell for cheap? Another layer of guilt if I don’t let him know when I do sell 😢 and my Father didn’t see my worth (of selling at profit) I’m grown now so I’m able to tell this like a story but imagine when I couldn’t😭(& yes I have a abusive ex husband who I have to co-parent my daughter with)
As a grandma I’m tired of grandkids rudely not saying thank you to their money gifts or remember my husband in mine bday or Christmas I want to send them this? What do you think All my kids have all been super polite and have remember thank you and all. My small way to help teach grandkids their manners is this: Birthdays. Christmas, trips For little ones still living at home I like thank yous( hopefully I remember them without seniorfreeze) they still get gifts from me no matter what. For the grown ups, on their own I remember those who remember us for b days and Christmas, in any inexpensive way and who thank us for presents. Love mom, love grandma
So this kinda works for adults too… I can’t tell you how many times people have opened up to me on a long drive, that I would have never thought we’d ever get along. It’s very critical how much people need to be understood actually just listened to. ❤ After that a weight is lifted and people can connect the dots themselves or can question what they might have perceived as being the solution/problem or it’s just normal to fuck all the time. We all do it and it’s completely normal to us all not only children. 🎉❤
It seems no matter what as parents we will never be perceived as doing enough. As humans we come here to learn and grow and grow. Parents are 20yrs older and the things they know are different from their children. Most born with generational trauma, trauma in the womb, raised in trauma all to have to filter it out and go on a journey to find who they are outside of all their “traumas” who they are… There’s no sheet code, in this dense dark world. I did ALLL THE THINGS! and it still wasn’t enough. We need to change society back to 1 income households. So, ppl can better keep up on all the new things, to hear all the whispers, volunteer at the school. Just slow down… Women are working pregnant and stressed, sending children into daycares (strangers) to pay them money so they can go make money to contribute to household expenses. Jesus come! ❤
Deal with it as it happens, be curious than furious …firm and kind, softer voice they listen and pay attention, harsh voice they ignore, How to balance time ? Do not over crowed schedule, tell them they are hard worker not smart ! Back firing sayings to kids …it will be k or I will handle it ! Say how do u think u can solve it ? Don’t advise ? Our Selfsteem comes on the way. Ego ! What do u want do that will.make u good living that I don’t have to support u ? Entitled people are not happy. I don’t do nice things for people that don’t respect ! Goal setting bondage, connection,
I listen to these podcasts and then I open insta full of gentle parenting. Because it’s such a pressure on parents to raise kids according to newest methods they switch to old methods and sadly there are no real institutions where punishing is totally banned and there is individual care givers for little ones. The whole internet I have searched. Now give your child a contra at home of not being punished for little things or live with the fact that they are going to have mental illnesses later in life one way or another is the choice. Gentle parenting/ parenting techniques is a big topic to be discussed more in layman s language.
This is a great interview! You could call this expert again and ask him to talk about the puzzle coding method. It’s a method of influencing children, teenagers, to create more incidents of school shootings. It’s like an epidemic, what’s going on in my country. And it’s causing fear for children! I’ve always wondered why kids go out and kill kids. And I recently learned about this mind-altering, puzzle coding method. Good thing I came across this investigation, The IMPACT. Groundbreaking Documentary. But it’s very important to hear more expert opinion, it’s such an important topic for all parents. Please
I teach class for care givers of mentally ill( BPD). Please refer to Etiology of BPD by Dr Gunderson used to work for Mclean hospital said some children are genetically predispoed to develop BPD/one of the major mental illness… Telling parents how to raise children although useful however it causes grief, guilt and burden to the parents who are already at their wits end
There’s a counter argument that kids who grow without conforming to setting plans, at no fault of their own, are also extremely mentally strong. We are all individuals, and all ultimately responsible for ourselves when we become adults. Some out here are still soldiering on, even amongst adverse conditions and betrayal.
Wow!! I had that thought today! We had a crappy morning and early afternoon.. we went on a walk to reset .. then we had a much better evening .. I shared some ideas with them that could help us next time when we have these challenges.. I told them .. “Even though we had a rough morning but we learned some solutions .. but yikes I always tell them they’re smart/ intelligent oops I will stop!!
What do you want?? 3:13 Oh ok I am at 5/10. And when my mother asked why she doesn’t listen to mom she said it’s funny when mom is mad. 5:20 and 6:31 yes, I did this last week with my daughter. She didn’t like that her teacher called her out. And she made more of an effort the following day. But she’s definitely oppositional. I was the same if you told me to do something that I’m about to do, then I’d never do it. Once my mom left me alone it all worked well.
My wife’s parents were amazing : but she never learned swimming, riding a bike or played any sport and is always anxious My parents were horrible, all types of trauma: I had no problems playing sports, learned swimming riding a bike … etc Before having kids we always looked at her parents as the good example, after having kids, we noticed that her parents actually never battled for achievements, which is why they were always nice Life is tricky
I agree with almost everything Dr.Amen says…BUT the ages of 4-7 I feel like making sure lunches are packed and going to also a parents job. I could not Imagine not bringing a child a meal if they had none at school. I get when its other things, for example extra clothes for gym, a show a tell item, or something along those lines in which I’ve told them to keep in their bag but they didn’t. but food, no.. i’m always making sure that’s in there. kinda reminds me of that YouTuber that was starving her children that made posts like this. everything else tho like the 20mins a day is too important! love doctor amen!!
For natural consequences: with those kids with ADHD (adult with ADHD here), helping them create systems to remember things is important, work with them on a few then let them ask for you help or bounce items off you so they can create their own after, our brains are different and need a little more support to build confidence.
“It’s not cool to look weird.” Honestly, as someone who couldn’t help being weird (autism and ADHD, not diagnosed until adulthood), who is parenting two young people who also can’t help being weird (autism, autism and ADHD, but at least they’re both childhood-diagnosed) the more the allistic/neurotypical kids embrace being a little weird the easier life becomes for the ones who can’t help it.
While, as parents we are eager to teach everything we believe is good for their future, the whole world is waiting to teach the same child. Society is such that every adult thinks they know more than those younger than them and unfortunately, parents are not the only teachers to their children, but rather the child chooses who to learn from or what to get interested in. So, a parent cannot dictate what their child should be unless they choose to manufacture their children from the factory.
Thank you for this talk! Lots of genuinely great gems of knowledge. One thing I wonder is will these practices work for ADHD children? For example your example of the child forgetting his HW. For someone with ADHD forgetfulness is a major problem. If you don’t bring his HW then next time he won’t forget but what if he does over and over again because of ADHD?
Any advice for a step child coming to live with you at the age of 20 before starting uni? Me and his father will be determining very specific rules and boundaries around roles and responsibilities but I’m terrified what the reality will be around mess, noise, communication etc and what this means for our marriage. Especially with my autism and need for structure and predicability, it will be difficult to accept spontaneity, last minute decisions and a relaxed approach to housekeeping
I had a wonderful childhood, but my mother was always very protective and wouldn’t want me to make mistakes, shes still like this and I’m 34. I never had to work as a kid I just played all my childhood. In my twenties I was already messed up, I couldn’t try to have a job because I was so afraid of failing at every single thing, I started workong at 28. I’ve been dealing with crippling anxiety due to lack of self esteem and confidence for over a decade, I couldn’t yet figure it out what is causing this to me, now I wonder if my parents caused this without knowing. I have no idea how to change this situation.
This is a great podcast, but what about those of us who didn’t implement these and our kids are now 16 or 17? How do we fix the wrongs and how do we do the most that we can to change the narrative between now and when they leave the nest? I am desperate, especially considering I have a coparent who is an extremely bad role model (eg gamer who doesn’t work and lives off his own parents.)
My Daughter is 4 years old after I pitched her at the school she told me to color her nails caused her classmates has a cool nails, but I told her not everything that you saw is Good for you, everyone has their own authenticity make your own without copying other people. And she cry quick when she’s feeling ignore or she want something. I always told her to say what she feels before she cry caused how can people know what you want to say. And putting tantrum in public I always told her to cry in restroom not in public. When she wants stuff I will approach her, look were not poor we can afford that spending money that is appropriate to your needs but do you think it’s important to your life? Like you really need it badly? She will say Nope. Next time Mom . Ok Good job thinking. She like helping homeless people giving a food after groceries it’s good. But I told her if you have extra you can share but if not then next time. .She’s funny kid and need to learn more about the society.
I forgot my lunch one time. I was working a long shift that day. My mom brought it to me, but she put mustard on the sandwich and I hated mustard at the time 😂 She later apologized and said that she forgot, but I didnt get that vibe from her 😂 Each kid is different. I was overly responsible so she taught me grace, but still made it a tad unpleasant 😂
In the first 8 minutes I was absolutely agreeing with you until I realized this is how Ruby Frankie thinks lol. A lot of delusional people will take this advice to the extreme and run with it. Not tryna be mean or offend anyone, but not bringing your child a lunch they forgot not reminding them to do homework or not reminding them to wake up for school in the morning were the first set of red flags we saw in her parenting
That to cold… Not bringing your kids sweater😮 we all forget things. its nice to have someone to come through when you need it. It nice to have a mom who bring you things to school when you forget it. Nice for her to bring pizza if you ask out of the blue. Nice for her to let you have a day off from school if you dont feel like going. You wont trun out into a bad person who has no responsiblity.
What about parents who want their children to do everything perfect or the opposite of that, nothing their children do is good enough? I have heard stories of grown ups who say ” I hated it when my mom asked me to make my own bed and had to redo it for me.” Or “my mom will make me vacuum the house and beat me with the vacuum cord calling me lazy.” Both sound mentally abusive however I think it’s very common in parents to do those things.
I have worked for over 50 years with children in prescools, residential care, schools and live-in/out nanny and I can say that children aren’t able to form attachments because they are put into childcare earlier and earlier and they are away from their parents most of their waking hours. Parents only see their children a few rushed hours in the morning and during the last few hours at the end of the day. Parents have no idea who their children are. Weekends are planned out and on the go. Parents don’t know how to spend down time with their children and children have adults that are all busy and they have no time to naturally social with kids in their communities. Parents need to make it a priority to spend down time with their kids. Take them out of all day schools and all of the after school programs and activities. Parents know what to do but don’t want to put in the time. That’s sad that you say spend 20 minutes a day with your child… quality time comes with quantity of time. Who would advise a couple to spend 20 minutes of their day with their spouse???😢
How does neglectful parenting reactions compare to hover parenting? Like parents that let older child look after younger siblings compare to hover parents that monitor all social interactions and skill building outside of parental supervision vary? I’ve had some horrible experiences in my past that lead to early exposure. Parenting is a necessary balance so Where’s the line here? I personally thing chaperoned and removed is different than control and react. After all we wouldn’t have traumatized children if parents didn’t react and even worse problems if they didn’t try to control.
No one ever talks about going through a divorce in a way that is healthy and what a healthy relationship looks like after the divorce is over. Many kids are stuck dealing with their parent’s divorce, for the rest of their lives. That doesn’t have to be the case but their. parents are incapable of having healthy relationships.
He won’t bring his kids coat or food if their forgot. Forgetting something is not on purpose and not done every day. As a adult we love to know we can count on our spouses or net work for example, why a child has to deal alone?? As a mother I want my child to know I am there to back her up for big and small things.. I don’t see as respectful education what he is saying in many points. Jay is excellent with his right questions 👏🏻