Attachment parenting, coined by American pediatrician William Sears, focuses on the nurturing connection parents can develop with their children to raise secure, independent, and empathetic humans. CIO, an abbreviation for Chief Information Officer, is a corporate executive responsible for IT and information systems that support enterprise goals. A CIO is a high-ranking executive who manages technology strategies and operations in an organization.
Cry it out (CIO or extinction) is a method of sleep training where a child is placed into their sleep space while they’re still awake and then left to fall asleep on their own. Researchers and parents in favor of sleep training, even methods that allow for the child to cry, advertise the benefits for both parent and child. CIO occurs when a child is placed in their bed at night with all of their needs met, such as a dry diaper, comforting bedtime routine, full belly, comfortable and safe environment.
However, there are few sleep experts who would promote CIO (strict CIO – i.e. Extinction) on a baby under the age of 6 months. “Cry it out” (CIO) sleep training is one of the most commonly used and recommended sleep training methods, and it’s the best studied in the field. The CIO (cry-it-out or extinction) sleep training method is one way to give your baby the necessary space to learn this skill.
📹 Why the ‘Cry it Out’ Method Harms Babies | Erica Komisar, LCSW
Often times, we as parents just want a little peace and quiet, especially at night. However, our babies aren’t programmed to take …
What are the negative effects of CIO?
The “cry it out” method for babies has been around since the 1880s, when the field of medicine was concerned about germs and infection transmission. In the 20th century, behaviorist John Watson, president of the American Psychological Association, argued against affection and applied the mechanistic paradigm of behaviorism to childrearing. He warned against the dangers of too much mother love, arguing that it would result in a dependent, failed human being.
A government pamphlet from that time recommended holding the baby quietly and stopping immediately if her arms feel tired, as the baby was never to inconvenience the adult. A baby older than six months should be taught to sit silently in the crib, as constant watching and entertainment by the mother would be a serious waste of time. Evidence shows that the “cry it out” method can lead to long-term effects, including stress hormone release, impaired self-regulation, and undermined trust.
How successful is cry-it-out method?
The cry it out method is a popular method for parents to help their babies sleep by letting them cry for a few minutes or coo and kick before going to sleep without complaint. The timing depends on the baby’s development and comfort with the method. Infants are typically ready to be sleep trained at 4 to 6 months, and by 5 to 6 months, they can sleep through the night without needing to eat. However, older babies may have already trained you to respond to their nocturnal tears with feedings, cuddling, and bed visits. By 6 months and up, babies may have learned that fussing overnight will be picked up, rocked, or fed. Teaching them to sleep for longer stretches can ultimately benefit both parents and babies.
Does CIO cause abandonment issues?
Bilgin and Wolke’s recent paper in JCPP suggests that leaving an infant to cry instead of responding to their cries has no adverse effects on mother-infant attachment at 18 months. However, this finding contradicts evidence across various scientific fields. The authors argue against these claims, which have gained media attention and have been reported on the NHS website. They suggest that the authors’ conclusions should be considered part of a larger scientific whole, as ‘cry it out’ seems to be detrimental to attachment and development.
They also express concerns about power and analytical decisions in the study and fear that the authors have overstated their findings. They urge the public not to alter their parenting behaviors based on these claims without further research into this controversial topic.
What does CIO mean in parenting?
The “cry it out” (CIO) or extinction technique is a sleep training method whereby a child is placed in their designated sleep area while still awake and permitted to fall asleep without parental intervention.
Is the CIO method safe?
A substantial body of research has demonstrated that sleep training methods, including the “cry it out” approach, do not result in adverse outcomes. Conversely, studies have demonstrated that these techniques can enhance the emotional state of both infants and their caregivers.
What is the child CIO method?
The Cry-It-Out (CIO) method is a sleep-training technique where a baby is allowed to protest and cry until they fall asleep. This method is a popular choice for parents looking to teach their baby how to fall asleep, similar to other skills like rolling over, crawling, and walking. The CIO method works by providing a safe space and enough time for the baby to practice, allowing them to learn the skill.
As a parent, it is important to remember that the CIO method will take time for the baby to master the skill, and it is essential to stay patient and understanding during the process. The CIO method is a valuable tool for parents looking to improve their baby’s sleep skills and overall well-being.
What does CIO stand for?
The Chief Information Officer (CIO) is responsible for the management of the IT organization’s human resources, operational procedures, and technological resources, with the objective of ensuring the achievement of business objectives.
What does CIO mean mother?
Cry it out (CIO) is a parenting strategy that encourages parents to leave their child, even if they cry or scream when going to sleep, without interacting with them. This can be done for various intervals or indefinitely. The criteria for CIO include staying in the room with the child but rejecting or ignoring their attempts of contact.
In high-risk families, where parents have limited resources, there is a higher risk of insecure attachment due to a lower degree of sensitive response. Interventions aimed at increasing parents’ sensitive response have been shown to increase the likelihood of a secure attachment. However, encouraging parents to ignore their child’s signals during bedtime can damage the attachment and affect their overall approach to the child.
Babies and toddlers rely on their parents for comfort and care, as they cannot calm themselves. Some parenting guides or self-help books encourage parents to let their child cry, claiming it will teach them self-soothing. However, research shows that self-regulation development occurs in interaction with sensitive caregivers who respond to the child’s emotional signals and help them regulate their emotions. A high degree of sensitive response leads to improved self-regulation, while repeatedly leaving a baby or child to deal with difficult emotions can weaken it.
What are the three types of CIO?
Chris Curran suggests three categories for CIO roles: strategists, transformers, and operations experts. Analysts like Korn/Ferry categorized CIOs into four groups: Commercial, Transformational, Innovative, and Technology-oriented. However, these categories may have dated. CIOs are defined more by their circumstances than their traits, and ideal models may not align skills, proclivities, personality, and aspirations perfectly with the work.
What is a CIO mom?
Cry It Out (CIO) is a popular sleep training method that focuses on teaching a baby to sleep independently. It is also known as controlled crying or extinction. The method is derived from books written by pediatricians Dr. Marc Weissbluth, Dr. Richard Ferber, Dr. Michel Cohen, founder of Tribeca Pediatrics, and Gina Ford, a British nanny and Newborn Care Specialist.
CIO falls into several categories, including the “graduated” approach promoted by Dr. Ferber, which involves letting the baby cry for longer intervals, reassurance, and repeating for every waking until the baby is sleep trained. This method is often used by parents who want their baby to learn to sleep independently.
There are also “gentle” sleep training methods, which involve parents shushing and soothing the crying baby while they learn to sleep independently. While some parents have strong opinions about CIO, it is important to consider the facts and consider the effectiveness of the method in teaching babies to sleep independently.
Does CIO cause attachment issues?
The study revealed that the practice of “cry it out” did not result in any adverse effects on infant attachment and behavioral development when initiated at 18 months of age.
📹 Sleep training does not have to mean letting your baby CIO
Sleep training does not have to mean letting your baby CIO. #pediatrician #infantsleep #sleeptraining #safesleep #babysleep.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I’m so glad I didn’t listen to my family members advising me to let my baby cry and not mollie cuddle him. But my heart never allows me to let him cry, as I know his only way of communication is through crying. They don’t cry out of spite, but because they have no choice.
I loved your book “Being There” and I loved this article – you helped to confirm my decisions not to sleep train either of our children. With both of them we tried 1-2 nights of it and then realized we just couldn’t justify it to ourselves – we ended up bed sharing with both of them and while our sleep certainly doesn’t look anything like what it did before kids we do find that we get more rest overall and we know that our babies needs are being met and they know they are loved and safe. Our 2 year old daughter transitioned to her own bed in her own room when her brother was born without any issue and I think she was able to do that because we had met her night needs until the point where she was independent.
Many, many parents I know use CIO, and I think that adults think of it from a mature adult’s POV and apply it to the infant’s situation. An infant is not capable of understanding why the parent isn’t coming to comfort them, so it makes perfect sense why going silent means they are “giving up” rather than thinking “oh, my manipulative crying is not working so I’d better be mature and go to sleep like I’ve been told to do.” An infant isn’t capable of logically thinking like that. An older child can understand why they can’t get out of their room at night 10 times, but a baby is still learning about the world and cause-and-effect. Thank you for sharing this important information and going against cultural norms even when it is not popular!
I am astounded that mothers leave their babies to cry, when all they want is warmth and attachment. And yet these same mums dont sleep alone ?? So if you can’t sleep alone as an adult how is a dependent developing baby suppose to?? They need warmth and a sense of safety for these early years so much more than an adult.
Always a very sensitive topic. I don’t know the “right” answer and it’s really hard to know for sure. What I know is everyone in the family – my husband, me and my CHILD are much happier after the so called sleep training that shown its effectiveness in 3 days… Changing from waking every hour (even with co-sleeping) to waking twice overnight (at 4 months-ish old) due to hunger (I assumed) which he was attended to, fed and put back to sleep. He weaned himself off night-feeding (fully EBF baby) at 8 months old. The huge change was that we were all getting the minimal rest we need to function – my child was much more playful and engaging during the day (instead of being cranky and in constant battle of catching up with sleep), and I have more energy and capacity to be available to play with him too (instead of being cranky and irritable myself due to the lack of sleep), so were my husband. It improved our family relationship in a whole, the result was very clear. My son is 2+ now and has always been attended to on those special nights (separation anxiety/nightmares/sickness), we co-sleep with him in his room if needed. Knowing our child’s pretty well now, there are times we know he would go back to sleep based on the way he cries/his body posture from what we observed from the camera which we will then wait and indeed he falls back to sleep and if he doesn’t after a short-period of waiting we go in to comfort him. I am not saying all families should do the same but I genuinely believe what we decided to do benefited our family – that we are a much happier family.
Can I ask what your sources are? I know many families who have used sleep training with great success and whose children are by no means anxious or detached. I would say the opposite is true in their case – they show less of these behaviours since sleep training . They were also told by their pediatricians that sleep training is evidence based and that research has failed to show any negative long term effects on attachment – in fact, sleep trainied children perform better on several measures. So I’m just wondering what studies your beliefs are based on?
Kinda of late to the show here, but: I often try to look at what is best based on evolution. As in, what method did we evolve using? In this case cribs and separate rooms for the baby to sleep in are relatively new. I believe the first crib came around in the 19th century? Before recent times families were not wealthy enough or had the space for the baby to sleep separate from them. It would seem we evolved having our babies close to us at all times, even during sleep. Hell, there was a long stretch of time where having a baby cry for extended periods was downright dangerous to attracting predators (both animal and human). Now that we have the wealth and square footage to allow babies to sleep by themselves, is that right? A question I don’t know the answer to but I tend to favor the method we evolved using.
I have always felt crying it out was wrong since I was a kid and every adult around me told me it was fine for my younger cousins to be crying. I knew my intuition was correct. I hated the feeling that I was not cared about and I never knew where it came from. this mentality goes beyond just sleep and it hits deep in the emotional psychology of the child. They might seem fine now… But as they grow there will be things they might not ever tell you were wrong.
If screaming is fear, then my son was terrified of me trying to get him to relax for 2 and a half hours last night by reading to him, carring him up and down stairs, pushing him around in a stroller, signing, etc. I’m no doctor, but I put him in a cot, shut the door and 12 minutes later, he was asleep. That 12 minutes was painful to listen to and do nothing but the crying was just as bad for 2.5 hours before that so I know which option seems less stressful for both of us now.
Here’s my 2 cents as a proud dad of 3. No 2 kids are the same. Every single kid has different needs. Trust your instincts and the instincts of the kids mom, you both love your kids and want the best for them, even if you don’t see eye to eye on how to get there. Fundamentally, love is the most important thing. If you let them cry it out because you love them, or if you comfort them because you love them, it’ll be good for all. Loving them is what’s important. If you let them cry it out because you’re annoyed, or if you comfort them because you’re annoyed, it’ll end up badly for all. Your heart and your instincts will guide you to do what’s right, just listen to them.
My baby was waking every(!) hour at night since 4 months. I was desperate at the point of 13 months and used CIO as a last chance for all of us (including my LO) to have rest. In our case it worked magically – since night number 2 my child felt asleep in 5 minutes and slept through the night almost not waking. Can’t even compare to what it was, she started to sleep long stretches and was happier during the day as she rested good. Can’t agree with this article as I regret it kept me from trying it for a long time, the time we all could sleep better. CIO worked for us and I know many cases like that, I don’t see any difference in my kid, but I feel the difference in quality of the life of our family and it got soooo much better.
I try to sleep train my 7 month old and I don’t let him cry because it breaks my heart. A little noise is alright. I think we all know when they need us. A few times he was upset when he didn’t get to fall asleep in my arms being breastfed but then a little singing and cuddling or bouncing helped him. Usually I have to go back and comfort him 3-4 times or more before he falls asleep. Obviously it’s not working every single time because babies have bad days too. So I also don’t think I mustn’t breastfeed him to sleep at certain times. I don’t care if these methods advise me to be consistent. My baby had a routine since he was born and now I want him to have another one. It’s not going to happen as soon as I decided to change it. They don’t come with the ability to fall asleep independently so we have to help and teach them with lots of patience. My baby is happy and I can see he improved a lot so I keep using my own method.
My daughter is just 7 months and I don’t want to harm her, psychologically, long term by following methods that have been deemed socially correct. I want what’s best for my daughter, long term, and this article has given me reason to believe that crying it out is NOT the best method. My wife and I will nurture and comfort our daughter, not ignore her.
I have the hardest time taking advice from someone that clearly isn’t going through the thick of sleep deprivation. My first baby was a decent sleeper and I didn’t let him cry it out. But baby number 2 is different… he’s 8months and simply won’t sleep on his own. I’m working on an adjusted cio method because I am not a functioning mother anymore. I let him know I’m there for him but have to let him learn that sleeping on his own is ok.
Okay, but please think about the parents like me who have tried literally EVERYTHING except CIO. Every time I go into the room, he cries harder because I have to leave. Nurturing him does not work, he gets angrier when I leave. He’s also gotten SO dependent on me coming into the room to feed and coddle him, now he’s waking up every 1.5 hours at night. So what the hell am I supposed to do now??! I CANT keep waking up every hour I’m losing my damn mind.
What a breath of fresh air to have someone educated who uses information from tangible studies. Sleep training is a massive money maker guaranteed to get results, so people generally side with it. They get defensive because it goes against what they did and to accept that it is a negative thing is to admit something was done terribly wrong – which no parent wants to do.
How many adults here that support the CIO methods for babies actually sleeps for 12 hours straight, solid, no waking up or know someone that does??? Isolating a human or even an animal in the dark for 12 hours is punitive in nature. Attempts to recreate the womb environment puts the baby at a disadvantage as it takes away opportunities for them to learn how to be a human in this environment.
The first example fails to account if you stand there. I stand there and have check my child and then tell them I’m not going to pick you up just because you cry but I’m here and I will walk away and come back consistently. This has resulted in a very secure and happy child and I look forward to future success
Thank you so much for making this article. It really breaks my heart when I hear neighbor’s “sleep training” their babies. I once heard a baby cry for hours just across the street in another house (that’s how loud it was!) I’m not sure it was sleep training, but I suspected it was because that’s a common practice where I am. I hate to think of any infant having to suffer that. I was actually advised to let my baby CIO by a doctor; thank goodness my maternal instincts told me otherwise.
I myself have two kids and with both of them i had to walk and comfort them to sleep from the day they were born i used to wake up 2 3 times a night maybe more . I believe this is what it means to be a parent you need to take care of your child i could not stand it perusal my baby cry to sleep it hurt me . I agree with everything she says in this article .
I know it’s easy to say soothe your baby but I still have problems with calming him he’s 4 months, I feel hopeless sometimes because a lot of times he doesn’t sleep properly, I don’t know what to do to comfort him, the only thing I know is to pick him up and rock him but picking him up too much will spoil him and I don’t want to do that too much.
You mentioned that it’s bad in the first 6 months. I have heard that the Ferber method is best to start between 5-6 months. Of course not letting them cry it out all night, but checking in/comforting without picking them up every few minutes. What is your expert opinion on starting this around 5 1/2 months?
Erika, it is clear from your demeanor that you have a deep well of empathy, and that you are a kind and caring person. I feel this may be clouding your judgment on the practical reality that new parents face. My wife and I have a 4 month old daughter and we have been extremely focused from the beginning on teaching her to fall asleep, and to stay asleep. We consistently did not react to every cry from the baby, largely because we learned that sometimes babies cry while they are fully asleep, whilst shifting sleep cycles! If a well-meaning parent intervenes, they’re actually walking up a sleeping baby, and that’s bad for everyone (including the baby). My wife and I always made sure that the baby was truly distressed before intervening. At 2 months, she began sleeping for 5-6 hour stretches. She would occasionally cry for a minute, and fall back asleep on her own. At 3 months, we stopped the night feedings (she’s really chubby and eats plenty during the day). Also, she found her hands and began sucking on them. She began sleeping through the night, but walking up a few times to have the pacifier popped back in. At 4 months, we felt she was ready for sleep training, since she was still waking up for us to pop in the pacifier a few times a night. We needed her to practice finding her thumb, and holding it in her mouth. We prepped her as well as we could, and now it was time for the final exam. We had her sleeping in her bassinet from the very beginning, so she felt comfortable there.
I believe this to be partly true, however families need a balance. An adult’s and baby’s mental health are equally as important, not one more than the other. The baby needs to be calmed to avoid negative psychological impact. The adult may sometimes need to step away, to keep from becoming frustrated and angry with the baby. And taking care of yourself does not, in anyway mean you are causing detachment issues in your child. As a mom myself in the past 3 months, I have come learn balance is of utter importance to not our the adult, but the baby. The more calm and collected I am, the better and more efficiently I can soothe my baby.
I think any child who has parents who love him and are doing their best is very lucky and will have a great start in life. So many kids suffer from actual neglect (not having basic needs met, being left to cry on a regular basis by parents who feel nothing for the child), are sold into slavery around the world, are beaten or sexually abused, or live in war-torn countries. As parents we need to realize we will make mistakes and there will always be someone there to tell you you’re doing it wrong. As mothers especially, there will always be someone like this lady who will prey on your postpartum anxiety to make you feel like ONE MISSTEP AND YOUR CHILD IS SCREWED FOR LIFE SO GIVE ME MONEY AND I’LL TELL YOU HOW TO DO IT RIGHT. There are selfish parents who sleep train (I just want my sleep so I can have more energy to YOLO the night away), and there are abusive parents who cosleep and babywear (my child is an extension of me and I’ll never allow them to be their own person). But most parents just love their child and are doing what they believe will be best for the child and for their relationship
Letting a baby cry for hours on end is ridiculous, but I do think we need to set the foundations for independent sleep habits from early on. If you set your baby up for success such as feeding very well throughout the day, giving them appropriate nap opportunities throughout the day, setting a consistent bedtime routine (bath, breast/bottle, book and then bed) you will very likely not need to have a baby screaming at bedtime. If they are, review what’s going on. Did they get enough naps that day? Did their last nap finish too close to bedtime? Did they not eat enough during the day? Are they unwell? Another big problem is sleep associations such as rocking to sleep or pacifiers. When baby wakes up and these aren’t there they don’t think they can get themselves back to sleep on their own. Also the sleeping environment needs to be good too. Firm mattress, no toys or loose blankets, no mobiles or pictures near the crib, a very dark room and a white noise machine. It’s all about setting the baby up for success and setting realistic expectations. We can’t have a baby screaming for hours on end but it’s also not great for a baby to not know how to put themselves to sleep and get back to sleep should they wake up during the night.
It is simple, babies are programmed for caveman nomadic lifestyles with lots of adults around to take care of them. In modern especially western societies we don’t do as much manual labouring carrying babies around and there’s usually only mom and dad, therefore, mom and dad get tired because there is no other adult around. Also we have a fast paced life, we work a lot and don’t have a lot of time off. We are unable to take our babies to work either. I’m starting to feel terrible for having a baby in the first place now.
To DandySpeedyAndy – My parents used the ‘Cry it out Method’ on the 3 of us, as children. I can tell you that what she says is absolutely true. My mother, now in her 80’s wonders what she did to her children that they are so ‘independent’. She would like much more from them that what she gets. She was a good mother in tons of ways, yet she felt, as many do these days, that ‘let them cry’ is the best solution to creating self-sufficient children. I myself see that compared to some other adult children, we do leave her much more on her own than other grown children do with their parents. There is a detachment. It is very true, the emotions kind of shut down. Sure, we still did, as we were growing up, just as you describe your daughters doing, smiles and love, but there is something, that shuts off. The parents will see this later in life when the children are no longer dependent on them.
Wife an I have 3 daughters,2 1/2 18months and 6 months old.Did cry it out method and worked amazingly with all them..They cry intensely sometimes but they know were there, they all have the same routine every single night at the same exact times.They all know when its bedtime and try to run from us when it is lol, but they cried for about 4or5 nights less and less each evening than 4th or 5th night they went straight to sleep in a minute or less.I find it as a crock of crap that it hurts their brains and they get depressed later on etc etc.My daughters cling on to me and their Mom aka my wife and they smile every single time they see us and we love them so dearly and I think they recognize that more when their awake all day.I dont approve of what shes saying..Comfort your baby too much is when you cant get him or her to detach from you.We didnt do the cry it out method bc we needed sleep, we did it bc they needed to learn to sleep and when without continously needing us by their sides every night for the next 5 years.
So there is one study that ever showed crying it out was harmful when done at the age of 6 months or older. That study showed somewhere around 10% of these children showed some sort of mental illness linked to abandonment issues later in life. Every single other study had shown when done at 6 months or older it had a beneficial effect on their independence, self confidence, and critical thinking skills. Basically, once of the appropriate age, quit coddling your kids. Independence is a good thing.
I can personally vouch for what is said in this article. My mother was old school and she let my twin sister and I “cry it out” when we were babies. Apparently, she left us to cry for long periods of time in our cribs. Later in life we both developed emotional problems (depression and anxiety) and stomach problems (IBS and Chron’s). These problems began for us in high school and have stayed with us our entire lives. I’m not saying the “cry it out” method was solely responsible for the chronic conditions my twin sister and I developed but I believe it made us much more susceptible to them. I’m pushing 50 and even now, I cry when I think about how my twin and I were left alone to cry as frightened babies in the crib. I don’t hate my mother for this (she has since passed on years ago) as this was accepted thought back in the early 70s. I’m just here to say that I believe letting your child cry it out is harmful and can lead to chronic problems later in life. Think of it this way, how strong can a tree grow to be if the soil in which it is planted is rocky and unstable?
The guilt you’re putting on mothers who sleep train, blow my mind. The mothers in these comments, acting like they’re better than moms who sleep train, blow my mind. In my case, my child was waking every 45 minutes and I was getting less than 3 hours of sleep a night. I was not blessed with an amazing sleeper like some of you. I don’t leave my child to fend for herself for 12 hours – I still feed her when she wakes, change her diaper, comfort her but when I place her down.. she will cry for a few minutes and sleep for hours. I’m pretty sure research also says that good QUALITY sleep is key for brain development. How is that supposed to happen if they can’t connect their sleep cycles because they’re unable to put themselves back to sleep? What about the days that I had to leave the house and was scared of crashing because of how exhausted I was? or how my PPD was scaring myself and everyone around me because I was so sleep deprived and exhausted? How do you expect parents to give 110% to their child throughout the day when they have ZERO energy? I promise you that no one who sleep trains, regrets it. They’re able to give 110% every single day, their child is happier because they’re getting enough sleep, everything around the house runs smoother.. This article was not it. “Use your empathy as a mother..” I have plenty of empathy and it doesn’t make me or any other mother a bad mom for sleep training. And to all the other moms who feel like they’re better or on some high horse because you didn’t have to sleep train, these comments were so disappointing mom to mom.
I’m not going to sabotage my sleep daily and get really sick, making myself suffer with little to no sleep on a regular. I prefer not to be mentally insane by ignoring my sleep ..No. I’m good. I’m not like others where I’m addicted to getting myself sick over a cry and or having my life be controlled.
That’s all well and good, but by simply saying “don’t let them cry” neglects the other important part of the equation; the mental health of the parents and most often being the mother. My partner is currently so sleep deprived that she is becoming resentful, extremely difficult to be around, deeply unhappy, and quite frankly just exhausted. She is run into the ground because she hasn’t had a proper sleep in 9.5 months. A child seeing their parents not functioning well as a family unit, is also not healthy. There has to be balance. Simply saying we shouldn’t let them cry is not correct. Not all cries are fearful. There are always more and varying options to be tried, sure, but for the reasons above I do not think simplifying it the way you have is helpful. It simply polarizes the issue further and stigmatizes the mothers in similar positions. Some parents simply have not, and will never, suffer the levels of exhaustion that others will – nor should parents try to compare issues. If you as a content creator want to discuss your opinions with such conviction, then why not put the studies out that show how much crying impacts cortisol, in turn impacting well-being. Put the studies out showing that crying is them being fearful requiring immediate comfort, and neglecting to provide that determines the future emotional regulation behaviours as negative. Mixing commonsense with science is dangerous and often counter productive.
Baby is going on 6 months, every time he has cried at night my wife or I have picked him up or she’ll feed him if need be. We can’t set him down without him crying, he has to be held constantly. We can’t get any sleep bc he wakes up 5-10 times per night. Which once held he instantly falls asleep. We tried the cry method and it was rough but after crying for an hour or so he slept all through the night!
This method works Better with older children who are use to being comforted and now need to learn to control their emotions, i didn let my daughter cry it out as an infant or until she was 3 now I will tell her go collect her feelings ma then come talk to me using words. And she comes back and says “mommy you making me angry cause I want you to lay and cuddle with me so I can sleep” she’s been in my bed her whole life now struggles with sleeping alone. She is 3 and express her emotions effectively and better than most adults but she does cry and get frustrated which is fine but it’s not harming her at this point after she explains her feeling so comfort her and speak to her and let her know I understand but she getting older and sleeping in her own bed has to happen. And what ever other reasoning I may have she might cry again and I let her go be alone to figure it out and come back when she’s ready to talk. My child adores me tho am picking her up from school she always happy to see me and she use to being held 24/7 or on my boob she just let it go at 3. I let her be a kid but I’ve found when you see the able to manipulate to get there way boundaries need to be set and they have to understand and she apologizes without me asking when she feels she wrong and corrects others and makes them apologize very affectionate will kiss my head and hands and do what I do to her on the regular basis. But she also knows crying doesn’t get her her way anymore asking for what you want and compromise does but even then not always.
You seem to be speaking out against a “cry it out” method that is not really recommended by anyone who knows what they are talking about. A sleep training “cry it out” method includes several checks so that the child knows and understands they are not left alone and abandoned while allowing them to learn how to self sooth. I don’t think I can take the information provided in this article to heart.
@Erica Komisar What about a modified CIO where the mother stays next to the crib and conmforts the baby by patting, singing but baby has to put himself to sleep instead of being rocked or nursed? Is this harmful because baby is still crying for a prolonged period? Asking for my 17 month old who still wakes half-hourly and is totally dependent on nursing between every sleep cycle!
You said more so for less than 6 months old. My son is 1 and he will not sleep unless rocked/bounced with a bottle. He must be fully asleep before I put him down otherwise he stands up and screams. He wakes up 5 to 10 times a night. Nothing will stop his crying except being rocked and sometimes may need another bottle. How do I break this? How can I put him down awake? There is no soothing him and putting him down he just screams if I leave him awake.
So what is the suggestion for a mom whose baby wont sleep more than 40 minutes without being held amd nursed? My second son is 14 months and i am at my end of being able to do this. My first was the same way and I cannot keep being sleep deprived. I have been holding my son to sleep all night the last 6 weeks just to “survive”. My tailbone and middle back are hurting me terribly and i am getting really hopeless. My older son had some gentle sleep training with me feeling very uneased about it at 15 months but I was pregnant and at my end. i dont think my current toddler is ready or going to respond well. I need help! I am going through treatment for babesia and likely lyme when i get my results back but aside form that i am feeling hopeless and constantly panicked without sleep
I used a modified babywise method. Fed him 7 times throughout the day and changed regularly. He slept through the night 12 hours at 2 months. The was some sleep regression to 8 hours total with two wake up times at night but then back to a solid 8 hours. The baby wise model is eat wake sleep. It was a life saver. He was 12 pounds at 2 months. I can’t be carrying him around all day.
I’m asking out of desperation. I’ve had 4 kids and never sleep trained any and the older three eventually figured it out and would sleep longer after a year old. I am 20 months in with my last baby and he still wake and wants to nurse multiple times a night. I can’t keep going like this. I desperately need sleep… I am so stressed that if I let him cry at all he will be stressed. What do I do??
What about other experts that say there is no to little difference in development when you let them cry it out compared to other methods? I’m doing daycare for a 1 year old and his parents haven’t sleep trained him. They’ve told me they’ve tried but they keep giving in to him. Now he knows that, even if it takes a long time, eventually someone will come and comfort him. So he’ll scream for hours. He has no self-soothing skills and I feel like crying it out might be the only way to get him to understand that he’s capable of going to sleep by himself. Otherwise, he WILL not go to sleep without someone touching him in some sort of way. Advice for that?
Could you tell me what to do when my baby only want to sleep if I carry him? He doesn’t want to sleep at all if I put him on the bed. I have to carry him with a hipseat for hours and stand up just to let him sleep. Therefore, I got major post partum depression caused by lack of sleep, tired, injury, etc. My body feels like wanna broke into pieces. I have no time for myself, I have to time to eat, I have no time to take a bath, I have to hold when I wanted to pee and poop just to carry my baby. I have tried all the method mention it out but it doesn’t work. My baby is almost 5 months and he never get to sleep as required which is minimun 14 hours. The only method which finally work on night is only cry it out method. It has a dramatic changes on night but still need a lot of dramas for day time. Could you explain how to handle this?
Thank you for your work, I think it is a very important topic. We tried a “cry-it-out” method at 6mo, but gave up after the 6 hardest nights of our lives. My wife still rocks our 14mo old to sleep but it’s a grueling practice that results in a lack of sleep, frustration, and desperation. How can we get our little one to sleep on her own without having to always be there and spend an hour each time to put her to sleep? Is there a time or method we can use the cry-it-out method that isn’t so harmful?
CIO/Ferber and related methods are for people who have lives outside of their children plain and simple. If mom and dad both work full time jobs, we need sleep to function properly during the day, be healthy and be available and attentive to our children when we are with them during the day. Is there any conclusive evidence one way or the other that CIO/Ferber even has a long term impact? The answer is no. Until there is scientific evidence via studies then we should all feel free to continue to do what works best for our individual families.
I have been saying this for years, nice to see I am not the only one. Too many new parents read these books by psychologist’s telling them to ignore their crying babies. They forget the infant cannot speak and that in the womb everything was there for them. The only way to get fed, cleaned and warmed is to cry.( Unless a parent is caring very closely for the baby). Babies cannot feed, change or soothe themselves. They are not spoiled or mannipulative . I have had five children all cared for, loved and well adjusted. Never had a screamer or any temper tantrums. The same freinds that told me to ignore my babies, all have children with behavioral problems . Coincidence, i think not.
So you say that they can become emotionally detached and then show a clip of a **Toddler** screaming. “The mother is not there and no one and nothing in their environment will be there” is such a play on parents emotions it’s disgusting. A newborn is not going to be thinking these depressing things. The moment it falls asleep and wakes up to you being loving and caring it’s right back to being fine. Cry-it-out isn’t the same as neglect. You can read to your baby at sleep time, even regularly come in and check on them and give them love, reassurance, and affection. Crying is communication whether you like it or not. If the only thing that gets a child to STOP CRYING is an unhealthy habit such as sleeping in the same bed as you every night then crying is the better alternative to developing poor habits. I don’t recommend just neglecting your kid, obviously. Who sincerely would? But in a situation where you have to show your child that they are not in control of you, you need to stop being afraid of hurting their feelings. Regardless of intent, your baby is going to feel negative emotions. So pushing an agenda against “cry-it-out” by saying it’s harmful to this extent is absolutely ridiculous.
I’m an American and I’ve worked with many cultures in their homes as a therapist. One thing I noticed in some cultures is that they think comforting their babies will turn them into sissies. If a two year old child hurts himself they don’t comfort them. I tried to teach the caregivers to show concern and give a kiss or a Band Aid. If they are ignored it shows that no one cares for them. You don’t have to turn it into a big deal; just show caring and concern. Many of the dads would not pick up their toddler babies bc they would bc sissies. I told them it is essential to show all children affection.
I am a FTM and I cannot stress how many comments I have gotten to just let my baby cry it out and self sooth! Hell no! My baby is barely 3 months old it really boggles my mind that many people think like this and think that it’s good advice to just let a baby cry it out. I freak out even hearing my baby cry for a second.
Today’s youth are more aggressive/depressed/anxious/suicidal/in and out of prison, and yet you have these parents who advise to have babies cry it out. I was even talking to a woman who advised to let babies cry it out. She tried to pull the “have you had children”, to try and make me look stupid, but I was raised by a good mom who didn’t ignore me all of the time. Cry it out is just another version of just how today’s generation doesn’t care nor is loving to others
This cry it out is such a western thing. In India you’d be crucified by society for letting your baby cry and for good reason too! People shouldn’t have babies if they can’t comfort them. A parent’s need for rest is not greater than a baby’s need for comfort yet in the western world, the adult always gets prioritised. I am glad that you are trying to make a change and helping people do the right thing by educating them with this article. Have just sent this to my hubby too.
You know all I hear nowadays is dont let your baby cry it out or let him cry it out omgosh crazzy i have 3 kids and 2 of my kids never really had problems sleeping and my last son just is very clingy he is 1 years old I have to get up at least 5 times a night to comfort him and I do and make sure his needs are met but I will tell you I’ve been using the cry it out method and it does help little by little but I go a check on him a lot and finally he gets the picture and goes to sleep my mom is 66 years old all my brother never cried it out and I didn’t either 2 of my brothers hardly come around and my other brothers are here with my mom and me as well so when they say if you let them cry it out they will be more independent later in life and not come around well that’s crazy it has to do with your whole child hood my opinion when we are a little baby like that we are not gonna remember 20 yrs later so come on peeps
I don’t know why people expect really young children to just learn something and change directions very quickly. They want to go from total comforting the child to CIO and that’s just it. They want to potty train in 3 days and then that’s just it. You have to let them make changes gradually and support them and use scaffolding to make the changes in gradual increments. I am a nanny and infant teacher in a daycare. I say put them in the crib or bassinet. Sit next to it and comfort them while they are laying in it. If you’ve given it a go and they are still crying hard and not calming, take them back out and try again later. It takes time of doing this over and over, but eventually, you lay them down and they are in the crib not crying and will learn to fall asleep on their own. I don’t work with potty training kids much. Next time I do, I feel like potty training the same way would make sense, just gradually put them on the potty and working on it sometimes would probably work better than trying to keep them home for 3 days and expecting them to just go off diapers and pull ups with 3 days practicing at home.
The reason why parents from developed/commonwealth countries are in favour of this practice is that it makes their life “convenient” for them so that they don’t have to attend to the babies every little minute and sacrifice their personal needs and desires. Which is why there are so many couples today who opt to be childfree since they are ready to be parents physically, mentally and emotionally. No point in wanting to be a parent but also set your own standards or right and wrong to make life convenient for you and it’s unfair to your child.
The first few months rare literally the hardest. The baby will almost never sleep consecutively for more than 2 hours through the night, you will constantly have to change diapers, make it milk or in a mothers case should she breast feed, breast feed, this is a very time consuming tiny human being that once had everything done for it in the womb in which it never had to ask for anything that wasn’t given to the baby through his cord. You literally have to be prepared for the rough patch that’s to come if you decide to have a baby. Some people are just truly not ready and have them anyway.
From University of Michigan Mott Children’s Hospital, one of the most reputable children’s hospitals in the world: “Letting a baby cry itself to sleep has been viewed as cruel or even dangerous by some parents due to fears that such nighttime turmoil could raise an infant’s stress levels and provoke future behavioral problems. But moms and dads needn’t lose sleep with worry, according to a study published this week in Pediatrics. Conducted by researchers at Flinders University in Adelaide, Australia, a recent survey of 43 babies found that those who soothed themselves to slumber saw no greater signs of attachment or emotional issues one year later when parental surveys were completed. And their levels of cortisol, a stress hormone, were lower than measurements taken in babies from the study’s control group (whose caretakers were given informational literature, but no actual directive). Perhaps more encouraging, the babies left to cope via a method known as graduated extinction — aka the cry-it-out approach — fell asleep 15 minutes more quickly. That benchmark came three months into the study, but better sleep often occurred within the first week. It is why Heba Abu-Isa, M.D., supports the concept. About half of the parents she sees, she adds, use it. “Most babies have to learn how to help themselves fall asleep,” says Abu-Isa, a pediatrician for the University of Michigan C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital — and a mother of three young children who has used the method in her own home.
This is a pathetic article. FYI no pediatrician will agree with this woman. Also, babies are not happy to be left alone because they aren’t used to it -“at first so they complain and the only way to do so is to cry. How could you tell parents that their baby is afraid? What the hell kind of degree do you have? Babies need to learn and when you visit them in time intervals you are reassuring them that you are there for them. My baby was sleep trained and although it was a difficult process at first he slept much better in the long run and so did I. How dare you shame parents who are burned out and choose to sleep train? Shame on you.
For the parents saying their kids are fine from crying it out, I wonder if that’s only on the surface? I worry when my son cries too long for any long term psychological effects that’s might have and only because I’ve worked with mentally disabled folks for nearly 10 years and seen cases where these individuals are dealing with psychological handicaps because during infancy and those core developmental stages after birth their parents didn’t tend to their needs with urgency. Of course that’s usually just in severe cases of emotional neglect. When I say neglect I don’t mean necessarily abuse but their parents just didn’t take it as seriously as they should’ve and it causing deep rooted emotional or mental difficulties that generally may people don’t talk about with their parents or even understand well enough to be aware they should be talking about it. People see other act out in anger or a severe case of depression and don’t tend to make the connection with how methods such as crying it out may have played a key role in creating within these individuals. Behavioral issues aren’t just people being assholes or acting out, it’s how their brain have wired them in their development. Little do you know maybe when you’re child is acting it, maybe it could stem from there brain being trained to react in ways that aren’t healthy for them. Or if you have adult children, I have plenty of behavioral tendencies and ways of thinking and reacting that I know stem from my early development. I’ve attempted suicide 4 times.
The baby should have a secure attachment with the mother. Babies have no way of taking care of themselves they need the mother to care for them. The baby will develop frustration toward the mother and this can harm the development of the brain as well as cause psychological issues. Babies have phases they will eventually become more independent and explore as they get older.. no need to force independence on the baby.
I hope everyone heard what she said. IN THE FIRST SIX MONTHS. sleep training and self soothing is supposed to start AFTER 6 months. And letting them cry alone is not sleep training. Sleep training is giving 10 min going and and checking another 10 so on and so on. Then after 1 week the child sleeps through the night and are good.
I am an infant teacher in a day care. Very few of the babies we get know how to sleep in a crib. They are noise sensitive, and are used to sleeping in a swing or with the mother. Coming to day care is very hard for them and takes them alot longer to adjust. Parents need to train there babies from the very beginning.
So… I don’t want to bash on any parent trying the Ferber method or any other “cry it out” methodology. We tried it for 2 days and INTUITIVELY you can immediately sense that you’re doing something wrong. I understand that one can’t be a crutch to the baby forever. I understand that cuddling the baby to sleep every single time is equally as bad, but damn was it absolutely insane leaving the baby for 20 (2×10) intervals, while he’s almost blue from screaming. No way that cortisol storm is healthy for him.
This is so frustrating. I coslept and do a floor bed with my first, but I’m on my second and getting so many mixed signals from “experts” saying that they are referencing science. So which is it? What’s the goal? Maybe we can’t have it all. Maybe we have to choose what our priorities are. We will have to trade some things off. What if the decision is between parents who have energy to parent and enjoy their childREN or depressed, exhausted, detatched, unmotivated parents who will convince themselves, others, and their own children that there can be no more children without the complete sacrifice of their own well-being? All I can say is that I’m at a huge turning point and I feel like messages like this imprison mother’s in a nightmare of constantly taking on their child’s pain, fear, and sadness for fear of creating a difficulty dealing with others later in life (likely just the human condition). We don’t need to take it on. We can teach them to manage it without it killing us, can’t we? Experts need to stop fear mongering and stick to the legitimate science. Here’s a final question: Is there strong enough evidence that we should assist our babies, toddlers, and children to sleep that it negates the abundant evidence of the damage lack of sleep does to everyone involved?
What i can say is when I left for work in the evenings, my husband only can make baby sleep in rocking chair! Because baby go sleep with my breast usually.. how he cries! omg!!!! When I came back home I heard how baby struggled with breathing after crying for 30 minutes! But then he learn how to sleep with his dad And now he go to sleep in seconds when daddy goes to rocking chair with him…. now I’m thinking how to make him sleep in a crib! Because literally it was CIO method for him, when I wasn’t near and there was only daddy
I know of tons of parents who went into deep depression because they didn’t let the baby cry so the baby would see that and cry and scream eveytime when put down or left and that because the moms would alway tend to the babies eveytime they cried. So in these cases the baby would cry all the time when not in the moms hands. These were the same advise given to these parents. But as soon as the parents would not tend to the babies for every second they cried thing became alot better and the other family member in the house were able to bond with the babies because of the mother’s not rushing to the babies and let them cry it out sometimes they were able to bond with other family and not just the mother and the mothers were able to get some time some rest and peace because the baby was not spoiled with the crying eveytime for the mother and her picking them up now other family could help and the baby didn’t cry as much. MOST IMPORTANTLY the babies was very happy and healthy and played more with their brothers and sisters instead of only crying for mom.
I wish my mother in law would see this, all she says and my own brother is that I’m spoiling my child and that she will never leave my side if I keep responding to her cries, when I actually learned that there is so such thing as spoiling a baby, you’re responding to their needs as a BABY not a 5 year old that’s throwing a fit. I love seeing the evidence like this article so I have a smart way to respond to their Ridiculous remarks 👍👍👍
Nobody is saying is saying that people who sleep train are bad parents. The problem here is that we live in a society that doesn’t have any kind of respect for children, much fewer babies. Parents go ba to work immediately after having a baby, to be honest, a year at home would be ideal. So, if that’s your reason or motivation to sleep train, cool, everyone needs to meet unrealistic expectations ( be the perfect mom/dad, the best at work, cook for the family, clean the house… ) I get it, I have an 11mo who sleeps like crap, BUT that does not mean that there are no consequences for children who are trained. It goes against nature. All I’m saying is: children are paying the bill.
My baby didnt even cry during Ferbers method training, just fussed a little and learned in 2 nights. He didnt seem anxious at all in the morning or “detached” from me. So I dont buy what you’re saying. There is no way that little bit of fussing even crying will mess up the baby for ever into their adulthood. So when you have a toddler who is crying for 30min in a tantrum, just cause you left the park, does that mean they are scarred for life? Yeah right!
From Germany here. My second son would cry very rarely, so I didn’t have to console him a lot. But sometimes he would breathe a bit stressed, so I took him up, anyway. My intuition told me he needed that. By the way, crazy liberals in Germany start telling people there’s no such thing as a mother’s intuition.😅
My biggest criticism about people or experts against CIO is that they provide no methods or alternatives. Everyone who agrees with CIO has steps and methods and they give this info away for FREE. All gentle sleep training advocates or “experts” want you to buy their course/book. If you are so concerned about generations of babies suffering and not securely attaching to their parents, why don’t you freely offer advice and alternatives? Maybe they just want you to buy something from them. I think gentle sleep training just means parents will have to go without sleep for as long as it takes. They should just be upfront and tell that to parents. If there are no alternative methods that commonly work well, just tell me. FYI, I’m not comfortable with CIO and my 7mo wakes up 3-5 times a night. At 4 months old she only woke up once and I’ve never been able to get back to that routine with her. It is hard and I am so tired. I’ve tried sound machines, rocking, nursing, and so many products. I’ll wake up every time she cries to soothe her. So I’ve just accepted that nothing is working and it’s what I have to do. I just wish someone told me that. I spent a lot of time looking for advice that ultimately stopped at a pay wall.
I have a friend with grown male children. She is in her 50’s. She did not do the cry it out with her first, but she did with her second child. Now the first, is still attentive to her and sympathetic, the second distant and emotionally detached. She blames it on the cry-it-out she used on him. It took him 4 nights of crying most of the night to finally stop it. She reports it was the hardest thing she ever did. Now she regrets it.
This is something I know internally. Although i love this article! I feel mothers today have become so alienated from their own primal instincts to comfort their child, that they let them cry it out. I never did with my daughter now 22 mths old and never will. I still have vivid memories of being left to cry it out which has long term implications on my mental health and generalized anxiety disorder that I have to continue to treat and work on for the rest of my life. Comfort your children, a child’s cry is their way of communicating that they need you, don’t let them grow up feeling unsafe in this world that is already so chaotic and unresponsive. You are their constant source of reassurance, love and protection. 🙂
I’m the proof that CIO is harmful to babies and children. I cried a lot because I was a highly sensitive child and my mom slammed the door in my face and asked for “5 minutes?!”. Fast forward to adulthood and I ended up in an abusive relationship as a people pleaser who couldn’t leave or trust most others. So yeah, no thanks. No CIO for my babies! These babies will know they’re loved when I come to them and help.
I have believed cry it out is harmful since my brother was born 13 years ago my parents were so set on the cry it out method but I couldn’t let him cry so I would go comfort him without my family knowing Now years later it’s starting to come to light just how awful this treatment is My husband was a cry it out baby he’s 25 and he attributes a lot of his mental health and attachment problems to this method
What about the cases when you have tried EVERYTHING what do you do then something my 6 month old will cry and cry for no reason tried feeding her, she burped,gave her meds for teething,rocked her,no dirty diaper NOTHING no reason for her to cry her little heart out it was just heartbreaking and stressful on all of us
We have never practiced the cry it out method whatsoever. My daughter has always been attended to the second she shows distress or even sometimes before. With that being said, does sleep training/modified cry it out method have this same negative effect on an 18 month old? She sleeps through the night but she sleeps in bed with me.
I see a lot of folks saying “they detected from their parents as an adult because of this” uhm are y’all sure it’s from this and not them ignoring your cry in the future as well ? My mom did the cry it out method on me and guess what ? If anything is wrong with me till this day, she’s the first person I run to so I totally disagree
CIO method works depending on ur babies personality and it should only be done with 1 year+ because it works better, I did the CIO method with my daughter she would cry for about 20 minutes, I would walk in to tell her that its night night time and she would understand and go to sleep but it all really depends on ur child and what works for you
“Crying it out” is often misunderstood. Choosing the right moment to react is key – normally within seconds or minutes (1-3). If you don’t want a 7 year old that cries 10 times a day for a reaction, immediate responses to behavioral crying in infants (and even newborns after 8 weeks) can cause grief. I had 2 children that whined and cried until they were 9-10 for something they “wanted” and 5 kids that are “super chill” and react to stress and very complicated situations calmly and intelligently. Also, infants do not learn to cry to get what they want after 9+ months as I’ve heard many “experts” say – it’s much sooner and almost immediate. Smile, keep calm and make sure you’re stress free before you comfort your infant – deep breath : )
I see everyone here was struggling with sleeping and then used the cry it out method but i dont struggle to sleep yes whe co sleep its worked for us and she has been sleeping troughout the night since she was 4 monts old she is now 6 months the thing I struggling with is she isn’t sleeping in the day with out me by her side feeding her or rocking her and hate when she crying it just hurts my heart especially when I know all she wants is for me to be with her to comfort her and love her how do I just leve her to cry there should be a better why to do it with out her crying her self to sleep
I’m pretty sure I wasn’t sleep trained. But being adhd I think I could have benefited from sleep training. I’ve had fucked up sleep cycles my whole life. I think there must be a healthy way to sleep train a baby and I think it comes down to really good loving routines, making sure the sleep training process doesn’t drag on for too long and parents not using a one size fits all approach. Teaching babies to self soothe is good too right? My sister didn’t have any type of sleep schedule. And she’s exhausted even after 6 years. I also think my niece has been negatively impacted from lack of sleep too. I think parents know their children best. And with research, good routine and consistency is all that’s needed, no matter what method you use?
There’s a difference between training a kid on how to sleep or how not to be spoiled and there is neglect. Ignoring a hungry baby…neglect Letting a baby cry it out during sleepy time…training Letting a baby cry it out for over an hour…neglect Letting a toddler cry it out in a play pen because he/she hitting things…discipline For a kid to get emotionally damage takes a very long time. And these kids suffer from Neglect. This is no different with many ills..such has pampering a baby til adulthood. Giving constant sweets to kids to hush them up…and later deal with obesity. And trauma. Such as abuse. Learn the differences
Hmm not sure how I feel about this yet, I’m a new father and my wife and I do tons of research, probably too much sometimes if such a thing. And so far the crying it out positives outweigh the negatives (or possible negatives). We are open to anything that will keep our baby as healthy as possible physically, mentally and emotionally. We’ll be looking into this more but as of now the crying it out method will be tested out soon with us.
Maharishi Mahesh Yogi – isnt liking the #CryItOut method: 4:49 He suggests, when the child cries, “give him milk”. (of course if the child does not want milk from mother, some say it is something that the mother may have eaten that causes the milk to not be liked by child) If the child rejects you later in life: ‘The rejection that comes, comes from our ‘something’ which has not held the children to us from the beginning times.’ WATCH: youtu.be/4WkQ_6lmOX8 Summary of Talk: 0:00 – Good sons and daughters always sit with their parents and take their advice and always benefit from their advice, always. 1:30 – Mother gives specialized kinds of knowledge, Man can benefit from their long lives of living. 3:00 – Parents may be quiet, silent, irrelevant, doesn’t matter, you still benefit from their presence. 4:00 – Parents love even when rejected by children. Rejection by child to parent comes from our something which has not held the children to us from beginning times. 4:15 – Let the children grow in freedom, however this has gone to very uncomfortable living in the West. 4:49 – Maharishi talks on ‘cry it out’ method and its repercussions. Give milk to weeping child. Attend to child. 5:44 – Dependence on mother story. Not good advice: Anything he wants he’ll weep so dont give child attention. 6:00 – Man takes advise when 25yrs old: Your mother has not given you enough love, per psychologist. 6:33 – You were intelligent, saw mother is evading you. Heart is shrunk repeatedly, stresses coming up now.
I dont agree. My parents used that method with me and im not emotionally detached at all. However, i do agree that if the baby is too youn then it isnt a good idea to do so. All i can say to everyone who doesnt agree letting their children cry it out occasionally is ok: good luck with having a needy and greedy toddler who has no idea how to fall asleep on their own and has no back bone🤣🤣🤣
Oh my goodness you mean to tell me that a baby mind have the capacity to think and understand things to the level your talking about. We need the grandparents who really know the tricks with kids because some of these so called specialists and experts make no sense with what they say and some don’t even or never had kids but the know everything about raising them. Smh smh.
1:10 how does a baby have these types of complex thoughts when they are still in the sensorimotor stage of cognitive development? You are talking as if they already have object permanence and that they can perceive the passage of time. Maybe babies deserve more credit for their mental mastery at such a young age.
so they are smart enought to logically think that “no one is there and gives up” they know the concept of giving up? but they are arent smart enough to understand to sleep training at all and will be emotionally damaged from this? your speaking out of both sides of your mouth to sell books. Either they dont have the smarts or they do you have to pick. Same people that say a 4 year old is mature enough to pick what gender they should be the rest of their lives but not mature enough to be held accountable for killing someone and should be let out of jail becuase their brain isnt mature to know the decision they made. Grow up pick a side.