Research shows that intensive parenting primarily burns out parents and harms children’s competence and mental health. However, the benefits of this hands-on approach are debated. Intensive parenting has become a defining cultural backdrop of modern motherhood, with many American parents sacrificing their social lives on the altar of it.
The main published research on intensive parenting in the last decade focuses on the forms it takes in parenting and its implications for the child. Moving away from intensive parenting requires a culture where parents’ needs outweigh child optimizations. A solution to this issue is to focus less on direct remedies to over-scheduled kids and burned out parents and more on recreating the child’s natural consequences.
Rejecting intensive parenting involves making a philosophical commitment to your child’s self-sufficiency and depending on fear rather than possibilities. To stop being a helicopter parent, focus on teaching your child about opportunities and not focusing on fears. Raising children has become significantly more time-consuming and expensive, amid a sense that opportunity has grown more elusive.
There are several ways to quit intensive parenting, including avoiding gate-keeping mentality, giving your child more autonomy, not comparing yourself on social media, and allowing your child to experience natural consequences. By doing so, you can create a more positive and supportive parenting environment for your child.
📹 Why Most Parenting Advice is Wrong | Yuko Munakata | TEDxCU
Parenting books promise to show people how to raise happy, successful children, and in the process to reveal why each of us …
Is my mom toxic or am I the problem?
Toxic mothers often exhibit common signs such as ignoring boundaries, controlling behavior, and abuse, which can lead to children feeling unloved, overlooked, or disrespected. These signs include constant overreactions, demanding behavior, manipulation, ignoring boundaries, putting others down, hurting behavior, never apologizing, controlling behavior, and lack of empathy. To help families heal and find peace, experts like Emily, a clinical psychologist with over 10 years of experience, and Kristen Fuller, MD, a physician with experience in adult, adolescent, and OB/GYN medicine, offer resources and infographics to help understand the effects of toxic mothers. Both Emily and Fuller offer valuable insights into how to help families heal and find peace, while emphasizing the importance of understanding and addressing the stigma associated with mental health.
Is it normal to not want to be a mom anymore?
Being a mother can be a challenging and rewarding experience, but it is also normal to feel a sense of guilt and insecurity. The responsibility of raising a child comes with a significant sacrifice, and it is important to prioritize the baby’s well-being above all else. In some cases, new mothers may experience intrusive thoughts, which can be disturbing or violent. These thoughts can make one feel like the worst mom in the world, but it is important to remember that everyone has these thoughts from time to time. It is also crucial to monitor oneself for warning signs of a more serious mental illness.
What is toxic parenting?
A toxic parent creates an unhealthy environment for their child through negative behaviors such as constant criticism, manipulation, emotional neglect, or physical abuse. This results in a harmful and unhealthy environment for the child.
How do you break parenting cycle?
Parenting cycles can be unhealthy if they are not addressed. To break unhealthy parenting cycles, consider a value-based approach, set excellent boundaries, seek external support, get some kid-free time, explore discipline practices, and always try again. Raising kind, independent, and resilient kids is a worthy goal, but it can be overwhelming and time-consuming. The complexities of parenting are often compounded by the patterns set by parents, making it a generational endeavor. By acknowledging the hard work involved in raising children, it is possible to break unhealthy parenting cycles and achieve a healthier future.
What is a bad parenting style?
Physical abuse, neglect, emotional abuse, and sexual abuse are common negative traits associated with bad parenting. These should be addressed immediately with professional help. However, parents may also unintentionally lead to adverse outcomes for their children. Recognizing these behaviors can help improve parenting. Assessing parenting style is challenging, but it’s crucial to separate the behavior from the person. This helps parents feel better about their parenting style.
What is depleted mother syndrome?
Mom burnout, also known as depleted mother syndrome, is a feeling of mental, emotional, and physical exhaustion, depersonalization, and lack of fulfillment resulting from intense child care demands. It is more common among women due to the disproportionate burden of parenting responsibilities on mothers, even when they work full-time outside the home. Symptoms of mom burnout include extreme feelings of exhaustion, depersonalization, and lack of fulfillment.
How do you slow down parenting?
The article suggests ten ways to slow down time in parenting. It encourages parents to learn about the stage of child development and invest in it. It encourages parents to be present and not multitask, focus on preparing their child instead of worrying about losing their baby. It also encourages parents to pray for intention, let kids be kids, and create a welcoming environment. Parents should also get to know their children’s friends.
The article highlights the importance of understanding and investing in each stage of a child’s development. It encourages parents to embrace the sweetness of each stage and not be afraid to let go of the time they have. By doing so, parents can help their children grow up more slowly and more effectively. The article concludes by emphasizing the importance of embracing the sweetness of each stage of life and embracing the fact that time is a precious gift.
What is the most damaging parenting style?
Neglectful parenting not only impacts cognitive and academic aspects but also has long-term mental health consequences for children. Children raised in neglectful environments may experience low self-confidence, increased risk of depression, and mental health issues like anxiety, depression, substance use disorders, and eating disorders. Physical abuse is often considered the first thought, but emotional abuse and neglect can have more significant impacts on a child’s development than physical or sexual abuse.
Research suggests that children who have experienced neglect may experience trauma levels similar to those who suffer from physical abuse. Both neglect and physical abuse can have enduring effects on a child’s socio-emotional well-being.
At what age does parenting get less exhausting?
School-aged children typically demonstrate greater independence and self-sufficiency than younger children, affording parents the opportunity to dedicate more time to their own pursuits. The experience of parenting can be both rewarding and exhausting. It is not uncommon for parents to experience feelings of overwhelm, sleep deprivation, and a sense of constant being in motion. However, it is worth noting that the demands of parenting do eventually subside.
What is the 7 7 7 rule for parenting?
In our marital union, we intend to embark on a brief or extended vacation every seven months, which coincides with the third week of the third month.
📹 Emotional Dysregulation: What It Is, How to Stop It
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I have c-ptsd and cannot afford therapy and I have to say that your website has helped me not only understand but process it better than I ever have. Thank you for putting this up and out there. I would say you have no idea how much it helps but I have a sneaking feeling you know exactly how much it helps.
For years, I thought of the experience of dysregulation as being like driving a malfunctioning car. You know how to drive, you have no intention of driving badly – but you lightly step on the gas & the horn honks or the steering wheel is unresponsive or too responsive or the car vrooms forward or doesn’t move at all or reverses and hits a pole. A life of no control. But you still have a life to live – so you keep going & you use all your strength to stay on the road. Recovering from yesterday’s auto injuries while incurring fresh ones. But you keep going, gripping the wheel.
My parents were masters of the behavior you described. They fought incessantly. You brought to mind a specific moment where they’d had a fight the night before. Next morning dad had already left for work as we get ready to leave for school. Mom is in the bedroom calming packing her bags. I was the oldest by 14 months but I had already figured out she wasn’t going anywhere. But, my middle sister would freak out and find me between classes to make me go with her to the pay phone to call home and make sure mom answered. That’s the tip of the iceberg. He hid his drinking (maybe that’s what they fought about) and was often violent. She went from being passive and pouting to raging back at him. They stayed together 61 years and died 4 months apart 2016-17. Talk about being disregulated. Remembering this helps me with perspective!
There is a big difference between feeling your feelings and acting upon them. If you feel them, understand where they are coming from (I.e) PTSD/trauma and take yourself off to allow them to pass through you they will in time ease and move on. Feelings must always be felt, just not always reacted to and not always in that moment.
I am an activist in Australia, and emotional dysregulation is ubiquitous, and underpinns so many issues, especially domestic violence. Instead of raising awareness to minimize fallout, it is swept under the carpet because of what is says about our society, and government of ratbags that seeks to shirk their social responsibility. I consider it nothing short of a crime against humanity. Thank you for making this info available, I have never heard of this approach in dealing with emotional regulation, and will be forwarding this to the may people I know that struggle with this problem and hope it can help them XX
I have to say this was a the last piece of my puzzle to finally finding peace after a journey i started 20 years ago. I started getting interested in psychology after years of abuse by my narc mom. I had many wounds but emotional disregulation was the worst wound i had in terms of pure destruction of my life and relqtionships. Thank you i can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel
Love the daily practice…been doing it almost a year now. When I’m super angry about legitimate horrors, I burn the resentment list to help release it. It works. Been doing THAT for 20 years, called them hate letters in the past. They weren’t enough alone, your practice is so much more effective. But the burning part for extreme rage at what was done to me and my life is really effective along with your practice. Thank you so much.
I went on a trip to Italy in April. It was such a lovely experience with great people. I CRIED THE ENTIRE TIME! I couldn’t figure out what I was crying about. I would go to the bathroom, take a nap, wake up in the morning, etc., and vow not to cry anymore. Didn’t matter. I kept crying at every meal, every excursion, it was ridiculous. I don’t know why I was triggered other than I found nice people and I was used to mean people.
I want to say thank you for your articles. Your content has really been helping me! 🙂 My challenge is getting triggered at work. I find my brain spiraling, but instead of being able to stop, all I want to do in that moment is tell other people about the situation. My brain wants confirmation that what I’m feeling is justified, but even if one person ‘hears’ me, it doesn’t pull me out of the triggered state. After the wave is over, I end up feeling like an immature child who didn’t have emotional control over my state of mind.
This is so powerful. I’ve gotten MUCH better as I get older, but just the other day my best friend made a mistake that cost me money, and wasn’t really owning that mistake. But I didn’t yet hear their side of the story. I was SO angry, and then when they told me what happened, it was clear it wasn’t their fault. But I was still SO angry. He hung up on me. Which then triggered abandonment. Fortunately I caught my over-reaction (from years of recognizing my patterns) and texted an apology, and he reciprocated and we sorted it out (I’m lucky to have understanding friends). But when that airplane takes off… it’s so hard to know what to do. It feels like that energy has to go somewhere, even after you realize there’s nothing to be emotional about. I’m getting better, but the ideal is me regulating my feelings before they get out of control.
I love how you bring up hard exercise to loosen the stress and get it all out. I was an avid cross fitter before covid hit. When everything shut down I was a mess. Now I’m learning more about my traumas and doing your daily practice. I also mind dump whenever I need to. I find getting to know myself and understanding my triggers has helped a lot. Better yet giving myself permission to simply not do things I don’t want to do or be around certain people. Honoring my own peace and space so I can have energy to handle other stressful situations and people.
I’m nearly 50 with CPTSD since forever, I don’t know anything else. I started reading “The Chimp Paradox” and it’s been a very helpful model to see what’s going on and attempt to deal with it! Sadly, the “Chimp” in all of us interprets the stimulus a split second before “we” do but by trying to follow the instructions, you can calm things. However, the method with this is to allow the Chimp to “exercise” by letting it be until it runs out of steam, which it always does. I think your article was quite similar to what the book says, all your articles are great, thank you 😊
I just discovered your website. It takes my breath away in a good way. Makes my head and my heart spin around and around. Each article I take in puts me up on a stage with myself to understand the play. You seem to be writing a book about me and do many others and you have been here. Thanks for gently, kindly, helping open up awareness. This is life changing info. Thank you so much for sharing your personal experiences in a way that is so helpful and empowering. I have so much to chew on. Thank you so very very much for being you, for sharing yourself and for validating this experience. For helping us not feel so alone or odd in this experience. You send out a message of acceptance, respect and hope to get through some substantial pain. Thank you so much. I am very grateful. You are making a ginormous, positive difference. I look forward to learning more. Bless you. Jack
I have ptsd and I’ve found there is a difference between retreating and feeling the trigger and projecting it on someone else. I’ve found dealing with the trigger myself without projecting the emotion onto someone else which as you said amplifies the trigger and keeps it going. But when I retreat and let my feelings flow on my own it helps me recognise the trigger and understand my feelings and has helped me to have more intimacy with myself as when I retreat I put myself and my healing first it builds self confidence. I retreat, understand my feelings from letting them flow, then when I am calm I know what to tell others about how I feel and what I can and cant be around. Calm brings clarity and I found its been part of my healing to calm on my own. Hope this helps ❤.
OMG this feels like such a magic secret. I’m all about expressing feelings but I’m also very emotionally volatile. I think I may have BPD (caused by cptsd) because my feelings can be so intense. I’ve recently noticed when I feel offended by someones words or behaviour, thinking about the situation in that moment causes me to become even more angry and keeps me in that space for longer which makes me blow up and scream and say things that I later regret. I find that when someone has done something wrong to me, I am the one having to say sorry because my reaction was over the top. its this reason which is keeping me from wanting to form new relationships because I don’t want to be the angry dragon and make others feel bad. I’ve read a lot of self help books but never really came across this term. So interesting.
Didn’t know where to put this comment, but this seems good. Today I had a breakthrough! A situation I would have preferred to avoid, and had me dysregulating all over the place, off and on for about an hour. But, I could catch myself, re-regulate, and made infinitely better decisions than I ever would have before! This was a real challenge, and I’m just so happy to have made this progress. Which I wouldn’t have, had I not found your website. That hour would have played out very differently. Instead, afterwards I ended up having a nice day and treating myself to a wonderful, relaxing pedicure. Hooray for progress, and thank you again!