The “boyfriend air” phenomenon, a term coined by some TikTok users, suggests that spending time with your boyfriend negatively affects your appearance. This phenomenon is often attributed to the difficulty of maintaining self-care during a busy work week, as it can be difficult to balance self-care with other commitments.
The boyfriend effect is the feeling of becoming comfortable enough with a person that you are happy to look like your natural self when you’re with them. It means we have increased self-esteem with our specific partner. To combat the “boyfriend air” phenomenon, it is suggested that packing self-care products in an overnight or weekend bag can help you stay organized and focused.
Many women have flocked to TikTok to complain about “boyfriend air”, which is the idea that after spending time with your boyfriend, you feel less positive about your appearance. The theory suggests that spending time with your man negatively affects your hygiene and looks.
Boyfriend air refers to the elusive and unexplainable nature of your boyfriend’s place, which makes people come out looking and feeling worse for wear. This can lead to increased anxiety, depression, physical out-of-fitness, and decreased motivation to take care of yourself.
For years, women on social media have posited the theory that spending time around their boyfriends has a negative effect on their appearance. However, many women believe that this is due to something draining their energy and causing them to be like this. It is often easier to be single or a single parent than being with someone you can’t stand.
📹 men turn women ugly? – boyfriend air, baby daddy DNA, toxic relationship face
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What is the gf effect?
The girlfriend effect is a term that refers to the positive impact of having a girlfriend on someone’s appearance. It emerged as a response to the term boyfriend air, which suggests that women become less attractive or less concerned with their appearance after having a boyfriend for an extended period. In September 2023, a trend emerged on TikTok where users pointed out that the opposite effect was observed in men.
Men became more attractive or more concerned with their appearance after gaining a girlfriend, as evidenced by users sharing pictures of men before and after their relationship. This trend allegedly proves the girlfriend effect is real.
Why does boyfriend Air exist?
Boyfriend air is a term originating from the term “school air”, which was popularized by TikTok users in 2022. It refers to the belief that women’s appearance declines after spending time with a boyfriend, often resulting in less makeup, less fashionable clothing, or a general lack of concern for their appearance. This phenomenon is most commonly used by women in relationships with men, particularly on social media platforms like TikTok. The term is often used to describe a woman’s perceived decline in her appearance after spending time with her boyfriend.
What is the boyfriend effect in psychology?
The boyfriend effect, a phenomenon on TikTok, refers to the change in one’s behaviors and appearance after spending time with a partner. This can include becoming more lax with hair and makeup, adopting new habits, and changing interests. Many videos suggest that this is a common experience, but the fact that so many women claim to share the same problem raises questions about whether this is an inevitable part of dating or a trend people are following to fit in.
To determine the legitimacy of the boyfriend effect claims, Women spoke to licensed clinical psychologist and therapist Dr. Yuko Hanakawa, PhD. Hanakawa explains that changes in personal habits and interests can occur in the context of a new relationship, often as a natural part of the adjustment process. Research confirms this, with a 2023 study published in the European Journal of Personality confirming that when people get into a new relationship, it is common for their personalities to change.
What are the effects of boyfriend air?
“Bonser air” is a phenomenon where women feel less positive about their appearance after spending time with their boyfriend, often due to changes in their environment or surroundings. This phenomenon has been viewed over 225 million times on TikTok. Maryanne Fisher, a psychology professor at St. Mary’s University in Canada, believes that the reason for this phenomenon is not clear, but mental health professionals argue that healthy communication is the best way to maintain happiness and well-being in any relationship. The term “boyfriend air” has been viewed more than 225 million times.
How to get rid of boyfriend air?
In the event that one’s partner exhibits a lack of tidiness, it is advisable to establish a set of ground rules pertaining to the cleaning of the shared living space. It is recommended that you request the implementation of a schedule for changing bed linens and vacuuming on either a weekly or biweekly basis. This will help to minimize the presence of dust in the air. This will assist your partner in feeling more at ease and less prone to irritation.
Why does my boyfriend make my skin break out?
Breakouts can occur due to contact with your boyfriend’s beard or stubble, which can cause friction, oil production, acne, blemishes, and even beard burn. Even if your boyfriend maintains and washes his beard daily, it can still harbor bacteria, causing irritation and blemishes. To prevent breakouts, practice good skin care by cleansing and moisturizing your skin, and ensuring a balanced barrier function.
If your skin is oily and your boyfriend’s beard worsens the situation, use a cleanser like Garnier SkinActive’s Pore Purifying 2-in-1 Clay Cleanser/Mask, formulated with charcoal to lift impurities and excess oil, resulting in clean, shine-free skin. Moisturize your skin with Garnier SkinActive’s Moisture Rescue Refreshing Gel Cream, which helps maintain hydration in your skin’s barrier function and locks in moisture for 24 hours.
What is the girlfriend effect?
The girlfriend effect is a popular trend on TikTok, where individuals appear more fashionable and attractive after getting a girlfriend. This phenomenon is often associated with men, but can also be applied to women who get girlfriends. The trend contrasts pictures of a person before and after meeting their girlfriend or getting married, often showing them becoming more fashionable or attractive. The only difference is that the person starts wearing fashionable clothing by TikTok users.
What is the boyfriend hair phenomenon?
For years, women on social media have posited that spending time with their romantic partners can have a deleterious effect on their appearance. This phenomenon, which has been dubbed “boyfriend air,” is purported to result in a significant alteration in hairstyles and makeup. This concept has gained significant popularity on TikTok, with millions of women sharing before-and-after videos to illustrate its effects.
What is the difference between boyfriend air and girlfriend air?
“Girlfriend Air” is a trend on TikTok that originated after the viral “boyfriend air” trend. It refers to a “glow-up” for men, while “boyfriend air” is a “glow-down” for women. The trend begins with a girl showing her boyfriend’s photos at the beginning of their relationship, with the boyfriend wearing a casual outfit. The video then transitions to the boyfriend’s photos, showing a real glow-up, including an upgraded wardrobe, grooming habits, and skincare routine.
What is the girlfriend effect on guys?
In September 2023, TikTok users criticized the girlfriend effect, which suggests that men become more attractive or concerned with their appearance after gaining a girlfriend. They shared pictures of men before and after their relationship, claiming that this effect is real and that men become more fashionable or attractive due to having a girlfriend. The trend suggests that the girlfriend effect is a result of using sunscreen and facewash instead of soap in the shower.
What is the BF effect?
The phenomenon of the “boyfriend effect” on the social media platform TikTok is a topic of debate among users. Some view the phenomenon in a positive light, perceiving it as a means of fostering comfort and natural beauty in romantic relationships. Conversely, others regard it with skepticism and seek to address it in future relationships. The objective is to ensure that each individual is treated with respect and consideration within the context of their relationship. Furthermore, a single application can assist in the management of all social media content.
📹 Watch Her Skin Get Lifted Off Her Face! #phenol #chemicalpeel
In my marriage I became slimmer, more beautiful, healthier, smarter, richer. Mostly because my husband is a good cook and helps me with routines like going to bed early enough. He makes sure I have time for exercise, hobbiea and holidays, by perusal the kids. Also because my pay fluctuates, but his pay is very stable, so I don’t have financial stress.
My mom’s hair got thicker, lost weight, and her eyes got whiter and brighter after she moved provinces away from my crazy ass father. She looked younger etc. I can confirm this is true. I know men will say other wise but honestly, it’s easier to be single or to be a single parent then to be with someone you can’t stand.
This is why when a woman finally leaves the man, she glows up, loses weight and starts looking good again to the point her skin is glowing. Then their ex’s can’t understand why she didn’t look like that during their relationship. Funny that ay? Brilliant article! I pay attention to my skin when dating. The moment my skin dries up or gets flakey out of no where (my skin in naturally soft and smooth with a pinky glow), I know this guy is not for me. Know your baseline in the healthy sense 😉
There’s a woman I found on TikTok who wrote a book called “Broke men will make you fat” and it has this exact premise. Being with a man who stresses you or who just isn’t for you raises your cortisol and triggers other functions that literally makes you gain weight, makes you ugly, throws off your pH, etc.
In my current relationship I’ve flourished from a shy girl into a beautiful woman, I feel comfortable in my womanhood and I’m able to relax and be myself with him. My boyfriend opens all my doors in front of me figuratively and literally; he navigates us everywhere, I do not have to lift a finger unless I want to. I don’t want to sound conceited but I feel like my looks have upgraded 10 fold! I definitely believe in this.
When I was with abuser ex husband.. I lost 20 pounds WHILE PREGNANT. I was a walking skeleton with a giant baby belly. Horrifying when I look at those pictures. Next relationship was also abusive… I was sick with a “cold” literally every month. Since being out I haven’t been sick in over a year. It’s real
This reminds me that when I was in high school, my school invited one motivational speaker and he literally said ” it’s so easy to know which girl is dating because only single women laugh wholeheartedly”. I know they just want to discourage love in school (we live in Asian) but it lives in my head rent free.
The part about cortisol/stress is so spot on – I had several issues earlier this year, including hair loss, bad skin, constant fatigue, reduced immunity and my doctors kept telling me that my results were good and everything was fine. It was fine on paper. Finally found a doctor who took the time to speak to me and find out what’s really going on. High cortisol levels were responsible for every single health issue I was having. I quit my high-stress job and my health improved very quickly.
At the beginning of the year, I was in a very short relationship (3 months). Incredibly toxic. He would not let me sleep, would start to argue just before I fell asleep. I saw myself aging +5 years in two months. He literally sucked the life out of me. He would make me cry every week. The salt of the tears destroyed my skin. It was long-distance and when we met I would have a big rash afterwards. Autoimmune responses are good indicators that my body is in flight or fight mode and tries to deal with it. My peace is now back and I will never let anybody treat me like this ever again.
I am a mother of 3 grown children, and I was married many years. This young lady speaks the truth. A bad man will detroy you, take away your vibrancy and beauty, and make you ill. Some women develop auto immune disorders and deadly cancer because of being in toxic relationships. Ladies, take good care of yourselves. Don’t give anything away for free out of the goodness of your heart. Don’t offer a man husband priviledges when he only gives you crumbs. He will never get better, and you will only get worse. Be a lady, and make sure a man treats you like a lady. As she put it, some men want to be the woman in the relationship. But a masculine man is protective and he provides, he makes you feel secure and safe, and beautiful. That’s the kind of man you can invest yourself in. Never give away yourself for free. Never chase a man. There is a price for everything. You have value way above your body parts. Do not place a man on a pedestal, do not make him the center of your life. Always remember that you are the prize, not him. He has to earn your love, your attention, and your beautiful, healing, generous, nurturing presence in his life. 💖💖💖💖
I experienced this, years ago: I’ve always been petite. Then I got a boyfriend who was overweight, and not a provider. I kid you not, within a year, I had gained 20 POUNDS. I was almost 150 lbs and had never before been over 125 lbs! Ugh. Anyway, he’s long gone and I’ve leveled up many times over since then. And I’m petite and cute again. 😊
I meta guy during the summer. Long story short I was super active and had a 6 pack he was a bit pudgy. After 2 months I noticed his energy levels increasing and mine decreasing and me gaining weight while he lost good weight. I QUICKLY ended it. I could FEEL the energy leaving my body. This is after being celibate and single for years so everything is much clearer early on.
Yeast infections after sex with condoms and without latex allergies are also a sign. Also acne, nightmares, rashes, stomache aches etc. I have acid reflux and stomache issues even though I broke up three years ago because it is difficult to heal. So women have to be very careful especially sensetive ones and I think it is BECAUSE we are the receptive energy.
I didn’t get ugly, but my brain got slower and less capable of forming sentences properly. I don’t know how to explain properly but my brain isn’t as ‘elastic’ as it was once a few years ago. I feel like the emotional and overall mental abuse was such that I ended up becoming slower at processing information and forming sentences. We were only in a relationship for a year, he would always say that women were lesser than men, going far as to debate me for hours over men being smarter and more capable than men. He would diminish our girly accomplishments, claim men have it harder, that we are so bitchy and useless. I tried so hard that I bought into his ideas and even preached them to other people. I regret that immensely. What a pick-me-ho I was a few years ago. Turns out he went to jail for a year for shooting someone with his gang in DENMARK while cheating on me with a Muslim girl because they are purer than a non-believing scum such as myself. In short, Muslim girls deserve better, and so do I. This website offers me so much comfort and I am thankful for your content. <3
Having just left a boyfriend who everybody clowned on me for settling for, who gave me more grief and heartache than anything, who didn’t care if I came or cried, and who would shout that I should give him flowers any time he decided to “spoil” me in the slightest (only special occasions obviously), this was just the article I needed. Thank you so fucking much
This is totally accurate 😢 my mom became a shadow of herself because of my narcissistic dad. I’ve seen photos of her before she had meet him. Her face was glowing and she was wearing boho colourful dresses. After him, she’s dressed very conservative, her confidence is nil and she’s constantly ready to cry 😢
It is true. You should do a article how men claim they want a fit woman and will proactively snd work overtime to sabotage her health goals and efforts. I went into my marriage fit happy and mentally healthy and exited the marriage 50 pounds heavier, anxious and depressed. He would get mad if I didn’t want to eat certain things, throw tantrum when I wanted to go to the gym, accuse me of having affairs with men at the gym. I just didn’t want to fight anymore so I stopped my routine all together. Totally got me off my game. I know many women can attest to this. Thats an entire article within itself.
There is definitely truth to this. When my friend settled for some bum because she “didn’t want to be an old maid”, she went from looking like Princess Diana to looking like trailer trash (significant weight gain, tattoos, bad hair, dark circles under eyes, sallow skin, bad teeth). When she finally dumped him, she glowed up, and when she found that guy who treats her like a queen, she got even better looking. Her hair is enviably think, shiny and beautiful, she has flawless skin, and she gets people telling her that she looks like Princess Diana again. I’m in a fabulous relationship with a successful businessman from the Middle East (been in the US since the 1990s) who treats me like a queen, and I’m seeing positive changes in my own looks. I’m getting leaner even though I’m not doing anything deliberately (including in spots that have always been “trouble spots” for me), I’m told that I naturally glow even if I don’t have a stitch of makeup on my face, and I have an energy level that is off the chain. I’m aging backwards!
They expect us to serve them while they provide bare minimum of needs and wants. Misogynistic culture,prominently in Asia, demonstrates that women’s values are tied to how much we benefit them. ‘Their generosity was not supposed to be fairly compensated,that is given.’ – said most guys . The worst part is that they expect us to be graceful with their complacency or lack of provision.
I noticed I would become less attractive, my face always breaking out, saggy eye bags, less bubbly, anxious, high blood pressure, weight gain, migraines, depressed and I couldn’t understand why when the relationships would end totally 360. Then I would go to the doctor and they would say oh your blood pressure has lowered. Sometimes I feel like I’m not meant for relationships because I believe I focus too much on it and consume myself and it literally shows up within my body and facial appearance. They can literally drain the life out of you and it can take months to get it back.
this article hits home for me! i just got out of a three year relationship with a guy (my first love) whom i thought to be the one, however this relationship turned pretty toxic towards the end. i’m usually never sick, but in these past three years i’ve had EVERYTHING. infections, colds, you name it. i also struggled with heart palpitations when trying to fall asleep. and he would barely ask me how i’m doing during those times. now 6 months post breakup i haven’t been sick once, no breakouts, no racing heart, i can sleep peacefully. a month ago he came back asking for another chance literally begging me, and i entertained it for a while by responding to his messages or talking to him in classes – immediately i gained weight and started breaking out. i’ve cut him off completely now and i’m pretty excited for the glow up
This is so real. My aunt was so depressed when she used to be with her boyfriend of 20 years. Over time, she lost incredible amounts of weight, became extremely ill and couldnt live life as a normal person. She became servely disabled and depressed. She lost her hair. Couldnt eat without puking. Constantly full of anxiety. Was always freezing and always was frowning every time we see her. Now that she left him, she’s so much heathier now!! She can eat normally. She gains lbs but to a healthy extent. And she can finally go to places and smile!! I am very happy for her. Signs that the wrong person can kill u. Even if mentally.
honestly, one of my ex-friends complained about her getting premature lines on her face because of her husband. like she straight up admitted to me that she felt she was aging faster because of her toxic as hell husband, and i felt so bad. i ended up having to end that friendship because of her awful spouse and her constant need to defend him while simultaneously hating him.
This is so spot on 👏🏻 I went on a first date with someone the other week and he made me feel uncomfortable a few times during the date, testing my boundaries, wanting me to prove myself, … and when I finally got back home from the date and looked in the mirror, my skin looked like it had aged by 10 years 👀 It goes without saying he’s off the roster 😄
In 2018 I started dating a horrible man. Out of no where I had HUGE cystic acne all over my face. I’m talking 10-15 large bumps on all 4 sections of face at one time constantly. Period also were suddenly terrible where I was passing huge clots, gained the 70 lbs back I had lost BEFORE meeting him. When I broke it off with him…..my business sales MASSIVELY took a beautiful turn, got my first new car, moved to a new state, and went out of the country for vacation all within 3 months of kicking him out my life. The acne cleared within 6 months. Also lost all that weight again within a year of being away from him. I 100% believe this theory
I’ve experienced this 1st hand and the quality of life started dwindling in ways I am even too embarrassed to speak about. Ladies, guard your womb and never let people (even pick me women) tell you that you make it too hard for a man. Remember, they will always try to get you at a discount, keep your chin up and know your worth.
This was my ex fiancé to a T. My body was horrible. I felt sick and he kept draining me. Once I called off the wedding I felt better. Felt lighter and happier. I started losing the stress weight I gained, my skin cleared up and I stopped throwing up and feeling sick. He was not the one. You are absolutely right 🎉
So true Estelle, them being around us increases their value in the eyes of others. I was skeptical about having no male friends but after perusal your articles. I got rid of ALL of them. Remember the scene in Legally blonde where 2 girls weren’t interested in the nerdy guy but when Elle intervenes suddenly those 2 girls are interested in him? Yes this is the power we hold so we shouldn’t give our presence to anyone who isn’t worthy of it. Thank you bestie for teaching us the things we were never taught before ❤
Omg this is so true, also pay attention to how you feel hours and about 3-4 days after spending time with him. If you feel drained, he’s sucking your life force, this also applies to other people who are not good for you in general . Your cycle changing negatively eg getting longer or more painful or pms feeling stronger and lastly PH balance in the lady garden changing for the worst, sudden thrush and/or BV or just imbalance that you can’t explain down there is your body telling you it’s being exposed to toxic fumes.
Omg this is so so so true!!! I was with a guy for legit not more than a month and it was at a time where I felt most beautiful, one month of talking to this feminine asshole, and I got dark under eye circles and gained weight, even my skin color started to change (kinda grey)!! My body was screaming “get the hell out of here”
This is so true, it gives me chills. My mom was beautiful, vibrant and looked very young when she met my stepdad. They were married for 15 years. He cheated on her and controlled her financially. She worked full time in a job she hated and had to give all her money to pay bills because he would waste his money on frivolous items. Towards the end of their relationship I remember showing her picture to someone who had never met her. They literally gasped and asked me if she was ok. I was confused at first..They thought she had cancer. She had aged years from her stress. Then I realized she looked so different, like she was barely clinging to life…all from being with this man.
I’ve been telling about boyfriend air for so long! It even applies when it comes to sleeping with him. In spiritual believes it’s energy/trauma exchange, but practically when you have some kind of infection after having sex with him, run girl run! 🙅Your body is literally telling you that he is not the one.
9:18 i’ve started using this as my cue if a guy gets a 2nd or 3rd date. I ghosted a dude cause every time he came over, as soon as i would close the door, i would start sneezing and would feel hung over. The last time i was sick for 3days. The 1st day i was sick he texted something like “send noods.” And “wow are you 👻 me(still day 1of being sick)”. I was in the groupchat like “besties I’m sick and haven’t responded in here all day. & now i can and he sends this. Now i am gunna ghost, cause it should be a ‘hey havent heard from you, are you okay.’ ” 🤢🤮basura
Great topic! I know it well. Within 2 months of living with my ex I developed a laundry list of health problems. I was drained of all energy, I was pale, lost weight, and barely able to stand at times. Break-ups are no fun, but it’s no coincidence that every single on of my health problems vanished when I moved out. It’s scary out there for us girlies! Much love to you all.
I don’t subscribe often but this woman is killing it. I love how these things that used to be pure intuitive knowledge or knowledge rich people had are becoming scientifically proven or even just acknowledged. People used to call me crazy for saying things like this fifteen years ago. They said I was mean or paranoid but it was pure intuition that I listened to and that part of me dimmed for other people. I’m learning how to listen to my higher self again and my life has been improving. Love you girl and sending good energy and hopefully blessings your way.
Otherwise I agree, but not on the friend thing. Good male friends will always give more than they take! Whatever it is you need – job opportunities, advice on men, data, house fixing, work outsourcing, babysitting, mental support, business support… A husband can’t do and know everything, that’s why we have friends. Male friends will be there for you, just like you are there for them. They will share the best books and newest industry trends, mindfulness and exercise tricks, you can get to know their male and female friends which are great people too. They will always respect your husband, never try to make passes on you. Because of my friends, I am sane and successful. Good male friends are the best thing ever and just writing this I started crying.
What about gay male friends .. tbh on the whole I find them to be a negative influence, they never introduce me to any single men… and always put me down, always seems to be in competition with me in terms of looks finances relationship status etc it’s really weird, not good friends in general in my experience maybe other have had more positive experiences ?
The difference in my face from the summer to now is insane. My ex bf was very manipulative and stressful, causing me to cry every day and feel anxious. I was losing myself. He broke up with me 2.5 months ago and I’ve been sad but overall healing. My skin is clear, my hair is smooth and longer, my makeup is better, and I smile more. The face being bloated with stress is so true as well, my face is thinner and eyes are not puffy from crying. I’m so happy now
I definitely understand how being with the right person makes a relationship survive. My mom was at her lowest with my dad. She lost so much weight, had two miscarriages, went through abuse and stuff. When he died she was able to carry herself the way she used to, became more beautiful than ever and still had admirers despite being 47 going 50. Being a single mom is hard especially with 6 kids but she made it. She told me “If he ain’t treating you like a princess walk away like the boss you are.” I aspire to be as strong as her in my own motherhood.
Speaking of blocking sources of stress, y’all I am telling you, stopping drinking alcohol does you wonders!! Alcohol raises cortisol levels, and can wreak havoc on your health, looks, finances, dating life, etc. Being drunk also lowers our standards on who has the right to access us. Stopped drinking a year ago, and I look so much younger and more vibrant. Hair is full, eyes are bright, skin is glowing, teeth are white and taken care of
For a while I thought I was crazy but my boyfriend,well my ex now, literally made me lactose intolerant among many other things but that was the one that made me think I was the craziest. Years ago he got out of jail and almost immediately after I found out I was lactose intolerant when I never had been before. This past May after about 5 years of being lactose intolerant we broke up and within a couple of weeks I noticed I was able to eat milk products without the intolerance. Now I drink whole milk again and I fully believe that we are affected on such a deep level by toxicity, we only are scratching the surface.
My ex made me ugly too. He provided for me but kept it bare minimum. I poured into him my heart and soul just so he can take me for granted. Society doesn’t value feminine energy openly while they praise materials. It can be confusing for a young women growing up with patriarchs and feminists thinking she isn’t worth it.. Girl, you worth it and much more! A provider mindset is bare minimum, he also has to treat you with love and respect. I am single for 4 years and i feel and look better with each year taking care of myself and doing my inner work. The ugliness is reverseable as you leave the toxic man! My next one is my husband. I am not settling with stress and drama ever again.
When i was with my ex, i was constantly sick and i became overweight. Stress esting was a daily occurrence for me. When i found out he cheated i kicked his sorry ass to thr curb and ive never been healthier. While with my current boyfriend, ive lost 80lbs and have had the clearest skin ive ever had. It was like night and day.
I was having the same sad expression as the woman in the article many years ago but it wasn’t for a guy, it was because of living with my toxic family. I used to look at my self in the mirror every morning and smile at my reflection. After YEARS of abuse, one day I looked in the mirror and even when I smiled, I looked extremely sad. From that experience, I learned to protect my energy and only after years of being far away from them I finally recovered my smile.
Stress isn’t bad for you and making you ugly – excessive stress is. I.e. more stress than you can handle. You cannot ‘block’, all sources of stress. You can surgically remove the most toxic elements from your life. And you should. I don’t like the message of ‘block all stress’ though because it implies that any kind of hardship you encounter is bad by default. It isn’t. Keeping a disciplined exercise schedule, setting boundaries with friends so that you are balanced in both being good to them, but also not letting yourself be used/drained is stressful. And stress that shouldn’t be avoided. Because over time it becomes less stressful. Very distinct from letting toxic people control you. The problem is when you’ve had a traumatic history with toxic people in your life sometimes non-toxic things can trigger a fight or flight response by accident. That requires self work to re-balance your senses as to what is and isn’t good for you. There are points in this article that are good, but I think the one I mentioned can be dangerous if taken to extremes.
This is such an important article, I wish so badly when I was 16-19 I could have heard podcasts like this. Men use us to triangulate with other females, and create jealousy to get more, and ultimately take from us, while telling us we aren’t special and replaceable, and yet the reason they feel they can replace us is because of the fact we brought them clout (when theyre ugly). I have no male friends now because I learned quickly in my 20’s all my male “friends” just wanted to sleep with me, it used to make me so sad that they didn’t value my time or interests and just saw me as another conquest to take from. So bravo to this I hope young girls and women can hear this and make more informed choices before they let a man into their life.
I think this can and does go even deeper. I for example left a toxic family home to live with my toxic partner, who was less toxic than my parents so I did become better looking, but THE MOMENT we started dating I‘ve had multiple health issues ever since, cursed ones at that, and I never ever had any health issues prior. I couldn’t explain it up until recently, when I sat down and objectively analyzed my relationship. So moral of the story- you might still become better looking, but your health is and will always be the first indicator of your actual quality of life. Edit: oh and- I think your health being cursed after starting to date a toxic partner compared to, yeah looking worse while living with your abusive parents, but ultimately being healthy is directly correlated to being provided for. My parents DID provide for me bc well, they were my parents. My partner didn’t.
Agree with that, been with my ex and i turned out ugly, all people agree that i turned ugly and get sick easier. Then my friend told me bout that boyfie air. So i bet the stress is actually the main reason. I also gain 4 kg and cant get loss the weight at all even when i start cut carbo and eat healthy. This is a fact that i could state, because one week after brokeup, i geuninely loss those weight, with a casual eating, no diet at all, and also people said i look better in real life. So?
WISDOM!!! Listen to this young woman! I am a married soon to be divorced 54-year-old woman who has been fortunate enough to not have been drained from a bad 20-year-old marriage. I am still confused for a 35-year-old. I remained for my 2 kids but in recent years have undergone a transformation after letting myself go for years…. I work out with a trainer 3 times a week and 2 days at home and am faithful to my health and nutrition! I am the prize! I realized this and have been operating in this mode before discovering your wonderful website which aligns with my personal philosophy! I am in the process of obtaining my PHD in psychology after returning to school after a very long hiatus. As an older student imagine my surprise when I made the national honor society. It is NEVER too late to live your best life. DO it! Life is too short to be unhappy. Happiness depends on ourselves- Aristotle. Don’t settle for a bad relationship, friendship, any situation. Keep up the great work Elle!🥰
I just want to point out that being in a relationship with someone who is not a good match is just as draining, regardless of how good of a person both partners are. Also, there are people who are not made to be in a relationship, and every partner drains them simply because they are in a relationship. Basically, one needs to take an honest look inside to check if a good romantic relationship is possible at all.
This is interesting.I do think that if women level up they need to look for high quality men who are financially and emotionally stable.From my experience,a normal/ugly man can be more handsome because of their physique and personality. As most women know,handsome men may give you pretty babies but they need to also be vetted otherwise they can stress you if they are emotionally unstable.
Thanks a lot professor Elle❤️😍 I also wanted to add for all the spoiled girly in the back, don’t hang out with one man and think that’s all the world has to offer. Don’t come at me with the BS of “he’s the ONE” babyyyy,if you hang out with a rodent for too long you WILL get attached…love you byeee
Yes, obviously I can’t speak on the science of DNA lol, but letting a man stress you out will definitely change you. This past week I’ve been thinking about how I can literally feel the muscles in my face pulling downward, so that talk about Liz definitely stuck out to me! And I’m working on changing that situation now. Unfortunately it’s going to be hard as hell after more than a decade together and several kids. I need to shed the physical and emotional weight, and I will.
My mother got remarried to a man that moved in with HER and started stomping around saying “THIS IS MY HOUSE!!” and yes he absolutely ruined her good looks. My mother was always so beautiful, she used to never eat sweets, mostly ate healthy, and was very active. This man gave her a sugar addiction, she got fat, her face and hair look SO SO different. She has aged so much just being with this narcissist. But no one can tell her nothing…she really thinks HE is the prize😑
Men liked Margot as Harley Quinn but not as Barbie. Cause Harley Quinn runs after joker and she suffered which made them feel special. But Barbie is on women side. Barbie talked about womens right. That’s why So true Men like men more than women. Like they are seXUally attracted to women but they are always for each other. Which is not that bad. It’s good that they are always there for each other. But sometimes it becomes so disgusting. Like misogynistic behaviours in them sometimes become very disgusting. Men talk like they are another species . So weird
9:33 1000% this. When I was dating him I thought I was going insane, cause I’ve never been this sick next to an individual. I remember always having either a cold, the flu or stomachache when he’d come to visit/when I’d go visit him. When he stayed with me during New years, I had the worst fever and 4 nights of my life. Also my anxiety got worse cause he was jealous and paranoid. I’m so happy I’m not the only one who felt like this ❤️
This truth hurts so much.😫 I noticed this change in my facial appearance a few years ago…I looked completely unhappy and miserable compared to when I first started seeing my (regrettable) bd…I KNEW he wasn’t the one from early on, but I lazily allowed things to progress anyway.🤦🏾♀️ I’m definitely on a journey now to reverse this curse, at least from an outward aspect, but primarily by leaving this situation in the dust. 😮💨
It’s actually hilarious. I got a boyfriend who absolutly drained me. Two months and I was so exhausted. My hypochondria came back when we dated, when I though I cured it alongside my depression year before. I cut him of and immidetly felt better. The relationship wasn’t that bad but when I ended it I felt like I just freed myself from a cement ball chained to my leg lmao. It was just not worth it. My mental health and moods were not worth staying in this situation. I listened to my body and got rid of what made me sick.
I have an observation / question I would love to have your perspective on. So I’m a medical student, I’m a big dreamer and manifestor and I just love the expansion that comes with challenging yourself and growing into better versions of yourself. I’m ambitious also, and at the same time I do manage to keep my feminine energy flowing. I do notice however that there’s a lot of talk about coming into your feminine energy, which I think is sometimes being skewed a lot. It seems to me that men just feel intimidated by women who’ve got a lot going for themselves and want to really become the best version of themselves. We are quick to call those women masculine, even when they aren’t necessarily, just to get them to sit back and fulfill the old role of the ‘50s woman but now all of a sudden it’s okay for her to sleep on her potential because she’s in her “feminine” and her husband makes enough money. You see my point? I don’t think it’s about money.. it’s like the women being too masculine argument is being used by men that don’t want a self actualized woman (because that will challenge them too much and their much more comfortable just bringing in money like old times) and so they use the masculine argument when what she wants from life is more than getting paid manicures and pedicures. You even see this on social, when they’re like “we don’t care about your degree or what your ambitions are” I don’t think that’s healthy, I think it’s the bare minimum for someone to care about what your heart cares about instead of just viewing it as a potential inconvenience.
I became chronically ill from all the stress a dusty caused me 10 years ago (I was only 20!) I’ve been house-bound for probably AT LEAST 95% of the time over the past decade 🙃 Avoid them – AT BEST, they will shorten your life expectancy. At worst, they will cause you chronic health issues, even if you are young and healthy, like I was! Ask me if I regret dating men or ever wanna marry one after having to deal with all this ongoing shit that affects my entire life long after I stopped dating them – I dare you.
A month or so before my last break up I was more anxious and I woke up everyday feeling like I would have to throw up. My stomach was reject so many regular things. Within the week after our break up, no more morning nausea, no more stomach issues, reduced anxiety… like. He 100% got more attractive being with me, comparing the pictures, like wow. We’re friends now, but the minute I feel sick around him, uh uh, no calls or texts.
This is so true. Recently, I’ve been hearing that I look younger and healthier than I did 6-7 years ago. People quite bluntly tell me that I looked bloated, my skin was bad and my hair was matted af. Now I feel glowy, I lost 12 kgs, my skin is clear and radiant. Even my the whites of my eyes got clear and healthy. And what love and care from a right man does do you. In contrary, I see my friends in semi-abusive relationship getting visiually older so fast it is unbelievable (and their health is declining too).
I have to use the example of 90 Day Fiance. One of the couples was Karine (21 yr old from Brazil) and Paul (33 from Tennessee). All throughout their seasons, you could see how weird, toxic, awkward and demanding he was to her. She went from a slim, cute, vivacious 21 year old woman to looking very rough, dirty, messy, sad and like she didn’t even shower…within a year. Of course, it doesn’t help when your husband is demanding that you take a paternity test, constantly putting you at odds with your family and you guys are living in poverty in a shack in Tennessee with garbage bags as curtains.
I’ve noticed a pattern with a lot of them once they start to get a little comfortable after the initial honeymoon phase. They start saying things like “I’d still find you attractive if you gained a little weight” and encourage you to “treat yourself” and get the cookie that you’re craving, or they’ll bring you your favourite sugary treats without asking you. Or if you’re putting in the effort to do your hair and makeup to get ready or shop for a new lovely outfit and they tell you that they “Just like you the way you are”. Like sort of subtly discouraging you from trying to present yourself nicely, and they act like it’s because they are sweet and just like you as you are, but really it’s because they are insecure and want to make you a bit less attractive so that other men are less likely to take interest in you.
This topic is insane, this blows my mind. i used to be a zumba instructor and a mexican student that was very sick told us how she blamed her also mexican husband for her weight gain and being so sick since, up to her, mexican man don’t want you to be seen by other guys so you better stop dressing up and take care of yourself and start getting weight so you show the guy that you are only theirs. This was such a dark revelation for me.
The one thing I can find myself arguing against is the male friendship thing. I have a few male friends who I truly value and respect in my life. I have had some of the most intellectually stimulating and insightful conversations with them. Now…. when I think about it, the are 100% people who focus on self-growth. They don’t think to show off my presence, we just straight vibe together in a mutually non-sexual way.
“If he’s giving you boyfriend air, Bye. If your quality of life decreases when you’re with man, you’re with the wrong man.” My mom is still under the impression that my man somehow ruined my life and yet he’s what has helped me love myself through all my struggles. Idk girlie I just can’t get behind that statement. I’ve had a lot of personal struggle since we’ve gotten together due to personal problems of my family falling apart, the death of my father, losing jobs befor the pandemic, pregnancy, leaving home while pregnant, dealing with past traumas and undiagnosed neurodivergency, poor economy, etc. Saying that a man is the sole reason why your life might be in trouble is like eating a salad once every 3 weeks and expecting to lose weight while eating total garbage food all the time. It’s a combination of everything and the guy could just be there, going through his own struggles. My man just lost his son, has been having health issues, etc. The stress a person feels from this is inevitable but that doesn’t mean this person is somehow wrong for you or you’ve gotta throw in the towel and call it quits. That’s just being an entitled brat who won’t ever support anyone who’s struggling. Then who’s gonna be left in your life to help you if things go wrong? I’ve had a toxic ex and my age was what contributed to staying looking attractive but that doesn’t mean that dude wasn’t an a*hole. He WAS but if my life was to go through back then as what I’ve been through in the past few years then the stress would’ve been a lot worse.
I wish i could volunteer myself as a study for this; because every single bit of this is true. If a person, parent, romantic partner, boss, or friend, is causing undue stress, hardship, anxiety, distress, and generally has an antagonistic demeanor, it WILL effect your appearance in due time. The chronic stress and hormones flooding your body will alter your brain and cellular structure. There may need to be more studies on this but i have witnessed it in myself.
This is actually so real …i have dated the most handsome guy in our school…and literally my facial structures were changing and my friends noticed that i started to look like him … And after our brakeup ..after 2 years ..i started to date one of my old friend….who was totally ugly (sorry for that but he was in everyone’s eye…and not for me at that time) ….and literally like honestly my facial structure changed as him …i had more dark circles…and became uglier. ..i hope i could put away his DNAs …im happy that he is not with me ..he was really toxic I know tgere are more reason
i feel like im in a toxic relationship and idk what to do?? He keeps me up a night, getting upset when i go to bed, he buys nothing but junk food at the store, he rushes me when doing my routines/self care and i feel like he doesn’t do anything when im not there! and its left me feeling like i have to be with him 24/7 and sacrifice my alone time
I can speak from experience, I had health issues, infection, low immunity and constantly got sick. I could not get the good grades and didn’t feel like the straight A girlie I was. And this was because of me dating or being in situations with dusty crusty and musty men. Ew. I never felt good, I stopped taking acre of myself becuase they were draining me. When I broke up with my last situationship, I threw up and was sick, I passed out. I was literally purging. I have never had major health issues since then and I am happy, pretty and productive. Never give away your energy to undeserving people, they will drain you to the point you have nothing left. Energy is a real thing
love the impromptu science lesson 😆 i was wondering whether you could talk more about “fertility” bc well, a lot of the focus is on women being the source of creation. well, what if that isn’t a possibility (i.e. infertility)? i feel like ppl see this as being removed from womanhood and feminity, so i hope you can delve into it. would also love to see you explore the nuances of having male friendships bc well, im sure some of us still have those kind of friends whether good or bad
About DNA exchange : that’s why hookup culture is dangerous, it’s a fluid exchange in which you take on you his DNA and attaching yourself to him (soul ties). Purposeful destroying : often times, males Purposefully destroy woman’s beauty and future by stressing her, drowning her with the mental charge, baby trapping her. Ladies stay woke
EVERY. TIME. I’m with a toxic man, my body reacts. Infections, sickness, throwing my back out, sciatica, autoimmune flare ups, feeling tired af and drained for noooooo reason, grumpy for no reason, feeling like i “just don’t look like myself” feeling like I don’t look or feel “fresh”. THE SECOND I leave them, it all goes away. All of it. Most of the time instantly or within days. STAY IN YOUR OWN LANE, LADIES. UNTIL SOMEONE PROVES THEMSELVES WORTHY, STAY HYDRATED & MIND YA BUSINESS. ITS FOR YOUR HEALTH LOL 🫡
I developed fibromyalgia & stress wrinkles around my mouth & eyes while I was with my toxic ex husband. Fibromyalgia is not curable but my health is significantly better since we divorced! I have always looked & felt my best when single cuz I grew up in an abusive environment & always chose selfish men. I am in my receiving, princess era!
A man is messing with me atm – cancelled on the Friday because he felt tired then said he ‘might’ be around Saturday so I go and do something else then get a text midday saying ‘you about?’. No. I’m not waiting around all day on your whim buddy. Now his newly separated friend ‘needs’ him for company on the Saturday night; which means the beach hike we PLANNED for Sunday likely won’t happen because he’ll be too lazy/hungover from being there. I gave him a time deadline to leave by which I fully expect him not to meet. I am so done with being an afterthought! He also suggests loads of activities that we ‘should’ do but then never follows up 😔. I don’t have any female friends here, it’s so hard to make any now, tried a few times but no one has reciprocated or already has a friend group and clearly don’t want outsiders. Women aren’t as warm and welcoming as online content claims which is why I’ve always tended to have male friends although there usually is an agenda at the base of those so you have to be a bit careful. Sucks either way really.
You have really guided me from pickiest of the pick me, to a true survivor ❤ Listening to this after 2 years of processing and learning to separate from things that don’t serve me, I took this in like a refresher. I was fat and depressed with a gorgeous hard AB’s husband. I met him like that but 5 kids and working and going to school, and the military. I looked worse and people thought I was his mother. 😢😂 But I survived. He still looks good, but I look better and I vibrate high on my own drum, my own beat. I have some amazing friends and trips planned all over, I am so happy alone, and I love meeting people on my vibe. ❤ life is lit 🔥 thank you 🙏🏾
Thank you so muchhhh! When I first came together with my ex, I became literally so sick so often, I had migraines, stomach aches every time I was with him and the day after and had so much stress and anxiety in my body, I didn’t even like him that much and I didn’t feel comfortable around me but I had such people-pleasing dynamics wired in my brain that I just couldn’t take the action to leave him. I stayed in the relationship even though I didn’t like him that much, I find it so weird that I had such a hard time walking away. Then he cheated and I was kind of grateful for that because it was a way out and now I’m feeling so much better without him and getting therapy for my people-pleasing habits.
It’s funny tho because before I was with my now husband, every time I dated, I become ugly somehow? But then after I dated my now husband, I actually get prettier and I take more care about my appearance, skin and health. After marriage, I felt prettier than I have ever before in life. This content is straight up speaking facts girls!
This is true and falling out while breaking him aka ignoring him . Recalled having bloating than period. Pimples are coming etc and getting sick whilst being a person who eats well . Sleep is being late …gonna drain him and if he dares do the make another account ….the writing letter mode and no send he will recive it with much degrading . Prefer to have my old self who has alot of energy, wearing color than white cause of numbness .
So true. When I was with my now ex boyfriend, I used to get sick a lot didn’t know why. Something in my gut told me it was him and I listened. I’m no longer with the guy. Also, if women are so lo value, then why are men literally trying to be us? I.e, trans identifying males and the incel to trans pipeline.
When I was in my last relationship, every single time we had sex I’d get a UTI. Even though he was clean and everything, I thought there was something wrong with me, especially because he was my first I didn’t even think to assume it could’ve been only specific to him. I’d also get canker sores all the time, hair loss, and so on. When we broke up, (a year ago), I got a new boyfriend.. no UTI since ( I used to get them monthly and have chronic symptoms), haven’t had a single canker sore, hair is the fullest it’s been
I wondered this about how we develop in our family homes growing up. My caretaker was abusive and I believe the crying, stress and fear affected my looks/beauty as I developed into a young woman. Now as an adult, actively healing from relationships with males who have not given and only taken, who caused pain and sadness, I think my beauty can increase. It must be that my face and body can heal. Our bodies hold onto weight when we are stressed, too. Our cells completely regenerate every 7 years, scientists say. I am going to emanate joy, and radiate brilliance, and make sure to start smiling again. I hope that doing this, my beauty will heal. Thank you for the lovely article 🩵
Although I’m gay, this information still rings true. Never give, give, give. I’m beautiful, excellent and smart and have a good reputation so by him being near me; I uplift him and make him look better by proxy. Eventhoguh this relationship won’t work, I won’t get mad I’ll get paid. Off to his house in New York girlies 🥳
This is true. I looked at pictures before my ex and during our relationship, and I looked 10 years older, at least when I was with him. I couldn’t lose the weight I gained no matter the exercise and diet together. I developed intestinal problems, sleep problems, anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem problems. I was a mess. Sfter the relationship o lost the weight easily and no more health issues. I am at my best now and focusing on bettering myself.
This is true. I was a very young looking 40 something year old when I met my toxic ex. I had no stress before I met him and I had good skin. After 6 years I have lines and I have eye bags through lack of sleep. He loved starting arguments at night, knowing I had to be up early to go to work. I’m working on my health again. It will take time – but I’m living in a quiet, peaceful environment now.
My last boyfriend had bad habits, but I had a lot of light in my eyes, had glowing skin, and worked out sometimes. I didn’t turn “ugly” until we broke up. Sudden weight loss, dry and flaky skin all over my body, stress-related acne, deeper eye circles, and health flareups. I gained some weight back, eye circles decreased a little, but still struggle with acne, and a dead look in my eyes. I’m still stressed, but went from being upset over the way my boyfriend dumped me to overworking myself. When I’m not at work and just being alone or with my dog, the light in my eyes comes back. I’ll better care of my skin, or go outside more without fear in the world. Turns out, it also makes my dog feel better because I’m still trying to get better
In my experience, I noticed a change in my face over the years as I improve my mental health. I was depressed for like a decade. Not bc of any boy or whatever. I do remember I looked very ugly though with one guy in particular and he actually made me feel bad for looking worse when I was with him. Lol. For real, face changed sm, more acne, I got sick more than once in TWO MONTHS before things ended. With my current bf of 3 years, I looked really bad for a year in it but not because of him, but because of my own mental health issues. Now things are a lot better and I noticed it in my face too.
This. When I was in my early twenties I had a bf and if I am honest with myself I was only dating him because of his looks he wasn’t horrible to me but the emotional unavailability was really hard on me and on my body. I look at pictures of myself when I was with him and I look completely different now than before and it was because I was so unhappy. I am very cautious on who I entertain now and this article just confirms what I already know 👀
This is spot on truth & the funny not so funny thing is that man know this I have evidence of seeing guys talk about this amounts themselves on a post a guy made on ig & it had hundreds of guys commenting & talking about how they like to stress out their girls once they have them so other man won’t look they way it’s was insanely disgusting disturbing the things I was reading ladies listen to your mind & body. Don’t just go alone on feelings bc feelings always change.❤Xo
I’ll take this article as sign from the universe that my current… I guess I’d call it a relationship, but he certainly wouldn’t, is not working and is lowering my vibrations. Since being with this guy for just two months, my hair has been falling out, I’ve had UTIs every week, I’m fatigued and lethargic every damn day, my acne is back with a vengeance and I’ve lost weight (which is how I know my body is stressed out). Prior to knowing him I was glowing and radiant, I felt secure in my body. Not anymore. Time to move on <3