Studies show that personality traits can be inherited, with five traits linked to personality: extraversion, neuroticism, agreeableness, conscientiousness, and openness. Children inherit eye color, skin pigmentation, and vulnerability to specific illnesses from one or another parent, and they inherit specific personality traits in the same way. Personality is wired in, and no quirks of upbringing will change it. However, the theory of nurture suggests that changes in personality over time also point to a nurture component.
A new analysis led by Joshua Jackson, associate professor of psychological and brain sciences at Washington University in St. Louis, explores the relationship between genes and behavior. Fathers contribute a unique set of genes that can shape various aspects of their children’s lives, from personality quirks to innate talents. Parents need to know about how their children’s genes impact their behavior, as genes influence the way children’s brains are wired.
Children inherit genes only via their biological parents, but parents don’t manifest all the traits coded in their genes. They inherit eye color, skin pigmentation, and vulnerability to specific illnesses from one or other parent, and they inherit specific personality traits in the same way.
Personality traits are moderately heritable and can predict various lifetime outcomes, including psychopathology. The direct inheritance of personality traits from parent to child may be surprisingly limited, as a parent’s experiences can lead to changes in gene expression encoded in the sperm or egg and passed to offspring. Research comparing relatives shows surprisingly little of a person’s personality is inherited.
📹 Jordan Peterson – Men Who Are Trapped In Childhood
There’s a sacrificial element in maturation right you have to sacrifice the pluri-potentiality of childhood for the actuality of a frame …
Do personalities get inherited?
The extant literature demonstrates that personality traits are moderately heritable and can predict various life outcomes, including psychopathology.
Is a child’s personality mostly a result of inheritance?
The extant research indicates that genetics significantly influences personality. However, it is also important to acknowledge that environmental factors can impact gene expression. Although personality is typically regarded as a relatively stable trait, it is important to recognise that it is not a fixed entity. In addition to other factors, age and identity can influence the evolution and changes in personality over time.
Do kids get their personalities from their parents?
A child’s temperament is shaped by their birth, influencing their reactions, emotions, and interactions with others. While genetics are crucial, experiences, perceptions, and hearings also play a role in shaping their character and personality. From birth, a child’s temperament dictates their response to situations, emotional regulation, and interaction with others. Therefore, the way a child behaves is largely determined by their inherent temperament.
Can a child inherit a parents behavior?
Character traits may be inherited through genetics, upbringing, or a combination of both. To illustrate, if a child is reared by parsimonious parents and exhibits parsimonious conduct, some scientists may posit that this is an innate disposition.
Do children inherit their parents’ traits?
Genes are the blueprint for our bodies, and parents pass on traits like eye color and blood type to their children. Changes in genes can cause various conditions, and they can be inherited or spontaneous. Parents who are related to each other are more likely to have children with health problems or genetic conditions than unrelated parents. Although most related parents will have healthy children, some may have genetic conditions.
How much of your parents personality do you inherit?
The results put the heritability of personality traits and life satisfaction at around 40 per cent – compared with 25 per cent in a typical self-report study.
Researchers say even this is not enough to suggest people are much more likely to share personality traits with parents than they are with a random stranger.
Besides, comparison of a person’s first-degree relatives – parents, siblings or offspring – with more distant relatives p rovided no evidence that shared family experiences would make people more similar.
There is, for instance, no evidence that being adopted into a family makes people’s personality traits similar to their foster parents or other children in the family.’
What do all females inherit from their father?
Parents possess both X and Y chromosomes, which contribute either a Y or an X chromosome to their offspring. Daughters inherit two X chromosomes, one from the mother and one from the father, which results in the expression of X-linked genes. Examples of X-linked recessive disorders include hemophilia, red-green color blindness, and Wiskott-Aldrich syndrome.
Is IQ inherited from mother or father?
Researchers suggest that a mother’s genetics determines her children’s intelligence, with the father making no difference. Women are more likely to transmit intelligence genes due to their presence on the X chromosome. However, advanced cognitive functions inherited from the father may be automatically deactivated. “Conditioned genes” work only if they come from the mother in some cases and the father in others, with intelligence being one of these conditioned genes that must come from the mother.
What traits are inherited from mother only?
Mitochondrial diseases, chronic hereditary disorders caused by defects or mutations in mitochondrial DNA, have been linked to a range of conditions, including eye disorders, physical characteristics, menopause, cognitive abilities, sleep patterns, aging, and weight loss. Genetics plays a significant role in overall health, influencing traits such as the timing of menopause, intelligence, sleep patterns, and weight loss or gain.
Is personality inherited from mother or father?
Researchers have found that people are only slightly more likely to share personality traits with their parents than with a random stranger, and it is impossible to accurately predict a child’s patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving from their mother or father. While traits are influenced by inherited genes, genetic factors account for only half of the reason people differ in personality. People only inherit half of their genes from any one parent, making the genes passed on by a parent insufficient to make most personality traits similar.
Do you get your personality from your mom or dad?
Mothers pass down traits like kindness, reliability, and good organisational skills, while fathers are more likely to be behind the scenes. Fathers are more likely to inspire a love for sport and the football team, while mothers pass down music and dancing abilities. A poll commissioned by Red Bull TV revealed that over half of the 2, 000 adults polled share the same interests and hobbies as at least one of their parents, and 22% said they wanted to follow in their parents’ footsteps as a child. More than one in ten ended up doing the same or similar career as their parents.
📹 The Science of Healthy Aging: Six Keys to a Long, Healthy Life
Although growing older comes with a number of major life changes, science can help inform the things we do in the here in and …
I’m 24 going on 25 and I decided to join the military at 18. To this day I still read comics, manga, play article games and write fan fiction online; I want to keep that little part of me alive because of one simple reason. You have to enjoy the little things; just because you grow up doesn’t mean you should stop enjoying things you love.
My dad sat me down when I was 17 and a half and told me about adulthood vs innocence It was similar to this And he said: There are certain things about the real world you don’t know, you know of these things, but you don’t know the full implications of how dark and callous and dangerous they are Things about liars, backstabbers, predators, desperation, corruption, actual poverty, addiction, betrayal, false allegations and mortality Once you know these things there’s no going back
Maturity took me in my late 30s, I woke up and realized, I was a 175 lb Infant child, I had no idea about holding down anything of value, like a Job or a savings, I had no particular skills other then scoring women, drugs, and playing rock music. I was a waste. It was a sobering day and a new low in my life when I learned that I had thrown the last 30+ years away. It doesn’t take long though once we are able to accept some hard truths, in just a few short years, I had a license and a small power washing company and I was able to protect and love another person, and to add to the quality of their life, not just take from it. We are all capable of great things, but not until we are able to see the garbage in and around us. Just a thought..
I don’t want to grow up, that’s why I’m still playing the drums and playing music at 70 years old! I’ve met so many people who said… oh yeah, I use to play the drums but then I got married and had to get a regular job. The thing is every one of these people who told me this always regretted giving up something that gave them pleasure.
52 years old and young at heart, not young in mind. I still collect toys, watch cartoons and refuse to be motivated by money. I’m self employed and own my own home and two cars. The key to life is a lot harder than most people think. You won’t find it in a book or article. You will only find it within. Listen to your shadow. Expand your boundaries, take some risks, travel. Take the time out to reflect. Ask yourself if you are happy. I’m happy, never bored and I love my life, my family and being young at heart.
I drew cars and dreamed of being a car designer. then I turned 40 and got married and had children, and I knuckled down into the Civil Enginering world to which I had drifted. I did quite well. Now Im 68, and withdrawing slowly from the Civil Engineering world I ultimately embraced. Now I’m drawing cars again.
Powerful words. I am 54 years old, no wife or kids or wife/girlfriend. I am not saying it is a good or bad thing, but i will admit for years I kept putting off being responsible going from job to job ( or getting fired from job to job) thinking “I am 30…..then at 35 I found myself homeless with just enough money to sleep in a motel for a night. I broke down and prayed “God, you gotta show me a path cause’ I’m close to ending it right now” Then a thought came in my head. House Painting! I had done it here and there. I had just finished working a kids camp and had just enough money to run an ad in the local paper. 19 years later I have a career. It has been a long and tough rough road ( two back surgeries) but I worked hard and honorably served my community, and I feel good about that. Hopefully I can get the rest of my house in order and meet a good woman. I know I need to be the person I would like to meet. I think I am almost there at 54.
I’m a man with ADHD, I will be turning 43 next week, and I absolutely feel like an old infant. I’m so tired of hurting other people and myself and I’m tired of misunderstandings either due to my inability to communicate with others myself or because I handle poorly the inability of others to communicate well when they are having a hard time. I guess I’m just tired of getting in my own way and in the way of others.
I’m 36 years old going through the process of waking the hell up. It is very sobering indeed to look around and realize I’m likely half way, or more, through life and have nothing of value to show for it. It takes all I have to not fall into the cyclical pattern of envy and depression when I look around at my peers. I realize there’s nothing I can do to change the past, but I can change myself. Cheers to anybody going through a similar struggle. You got this.
As a college student at 22 years old, This is a humbling reminder that putting in the hours of mediocrity at community college and a quiet desk job can be used to benefit the future potential. Even though it can feel like missing out, or not living it large like we see culture advertise, I’m saving back and preparing, while also enjoying my time here on earth.
I started working at 18 and now 29 with a wife, house, solid paying job, cars paid off and no debt other than mortgage. I can’t say maturity hit me like a ton of bricks but more that it’s about making the hard decision to do things for mature reasons every day. You may not want to wake up and go to work 8-5 every day and, instead, stay home and play skyrim, but you have to better yourself in order to provide for yourself, your family, or what future you’re building toward.
26 year old working a shit job with no real prospects & living with mom. This hits deep. I just hope I snap out of it & get my shit together before I’m 30. Started studying a new language about 4 months ago & has become such a big interest for me that I began cutting off playing article games & smoking weed. Nothing major but I suppose this is at least a small step in the right direction.
The worst thing is realizing when you grow up, that nothing you do is ever good enough. Life is an ongoing struggle for survival and keeping others happy and safe and fawning for the world, the dreams I worked for all these years aren’t really there. There’s nothing to grow up for. It feels like a big sham. All my hopes and dreams were merely an illusion. Now, it’s about finding the right way off this of this rock as soon as possible.
Damn this hits hard. I dropped out of University, luckily graduated a graduate level job in London so moved there. I have literally spent almost a decade there, same easy boring job, most of my effort going into avoiding responsibility and growing up. Shallow relationships leading nowhere. Big city life makes this so easy to do. I can hand on heart say my position is no better after all this time that when I was 23, apart from the fact that I have the ability to project a sense of professionalism and being successful as long as you don’t dig deep. I’m freaking intelligent so I just don’t have an excuse to waste all my potential. Woken up now, my tech apprenticeship start Mid-November! This is such a great vid, please share this with everybody starting out!!
When you lose those who used to care for you, its a really sobering feeling, you truly are alone out in the world. Not too bad a transition to deal with when most of your life is lived and maybe have your own family. But those unfortunate ones who are still young and are still finding themselves. It must be an enormous weight to deal with
50 never married and no kids. Been called Peter Pan a few times. Usually by jealous people who wish they didn’t make the decisions they did. If I am the God of Everything I accidentally fell into it. Had the same beliefs of wife, 2.5 kids, pets and the house with the white picket fence. Just never happened as I can’t have kids. So I’m an uncle to many and a big kid myself which people think I’m younger than I am or look really good for 50. lol Well of course. I lifted weights for 30 years not squirming kids, yelling, screaming and them saying how much they hate me. I’m the friend/uncle who plays with them and gets admiration instead of contempt. I’m BLESSED even if I’m missing out. Pan out
“The world has no room for cowards. We must all be ready somehow to toil, to suffer, to die. And yours is not the less noble because no drum beats before you when you go out into your daily battlefields, and no crowds shout about your coming when you return from your daily victory or defeat.” – Robert Louis Stevenson (1850 – 1894)
Currently 31 going on 32 and I’m going through this process. My dad just turned 70 and I’m pretty much perusal my parents age and realizing they’re not going to be around forever before my very eyes. I’m at least trying to move up in the job market and in the process of getting certified in my career. Hopefully this certification will finally be my ticket to finally moving out. I know it won’t be an easy process, but I do need to make moves pretty soon. I’m also not getting any younger. Wish me luck
As much as I respect JP, I think he has some serious biases against people who don’t live their lives the way he does. It could be generational. But most men I know who are in my age range (35-45 years old) are either single with no kids and content, or married with kids and miserable. Plus, chasing wealth, possessions, status, degrees, careers, etc., is a scam. It’s a waste of energy and time. Living a simple life without people constantly putting their demands on you is highly underrated.
It’s actually terrifying that some people would kill their inner child for the sake of manhood. I believe you should protect and cherish that child, leading him alongside with you. That way you may stay mature and preserve your own identity and origin equally. But little do I know compared to those more mature than me though.
This hits home. I’m a 27 year old autistic man who’s a caretaker for his elderly mother. I feel like a perpetual child and I hate it but I’m too scared to go out and face the world because of my autism. And I also feel trapped because my dad can’t take care of my mom by himself. I’m needed here. So I’m a grown child, I have a job with meaning. Taking care of your mom is meaningful but I don’t feel fulfilled and I’m anxious about leaving my parents out to dry. But I’m lonely too and no Wendy wants someone like me. I just feel stuck until my parents pass. My whole life is on hold for them.
I’m 34, and getting older is sucks. I lost in life after graduating from university, didn’t want to work in field of my speciality(engineer in machine-building technology) because in the last two years of studying I started hating it. Can’t stand factories and manufacturing… Now I’m working on miserable job in call-center, my colleagues are good people but they are uneducated and too simple for me, and my jokes. The fact they earning the same as me destroying me. I’m like an alien here with destroyed self-esteem. Mad respect to mr. Peterson for harsh truth, need to fix my life until I’m gone completely crazy… Keep calm brothers and sisters, we still can make it, don’t give up!
For me, I knew I grew up when I decided to never lie again. “The truth will set you free” used to be a funny punchline for me. Now it’s literally a way of life and it’s fittingly the absolute truth. I have never felt better, except when I’m faced with the harsh reality that most people can lie their whole lives and think of themselves good people in the slightest.
I tend to agree with the thrust of what Jordan Peterson is attempting to describe but not all of it. The key takeaway in his discourse for me is “you have to accept your mortality”. That’s really it. Once a man accepts and is at peace with his short tenure of existence he can shed away the decades of propaganda and indoctrination heaped upon him. This realization could come at 30, 40, 50 years of age. I know too many people who are well traveled, married with kids, career minded but are not what you can call as being comfortable in their own skin. Still living a facade and fumbling along with someone’s version of being an adult.
I have experienced this. Throughout adolescence I cannot think of one time where my parents prepared me for adulthood or sat me down and discussed my future. I was oblivious to most things and focused on having fun with childhood friends, chasing girls etc etc. I feel fortunate that in my early 20s I realized this. It was as if one day I woke up and became self-aware of these things. Now at the age of 27 I am very in tune with my body, my feelings and emotions. I have a clear direction and plan. I’m present and I don’t fear the daily challenges of life. I accept them for what they are and I look forward to conquering them and growing as a person. I have to come to terms with how things are. I think that clarity has allowed me to find happiness everyday.
I’ve barley grew up, and I’m 34. It took me 4 years to finally grow up. 4 hard years!! Really hard years. I know who, and what I am though. I know what I’m made of! I know my breaking points, I know my weaknesses, I know my strength. I am a Lion! A warrior, A conquer, I learned to be submissive to an authorty figure. I learned to listen, I learned I am not God. I learned I am only a peice to the bigger picture of life, I am important in the role of life, but the world does not revolve around me. I learned death is a part of life. When I lost my Mom. I learned I’m not a baby anymore. I learned that Anger is my weakness not a strength. I learned to help someone with not wanting nothing in return. I learned if you’re scared of something face it head on! Don’t ever let fear stop you from moving forward in life. I learned to believe in my self. One thing I keep as a kid growing up into Adulthood is believing. You got to believe in yourself still. When you are a kid you believe everything. Keep believing. Keep that inner child alive, also you have to struggle with life. Its a balance you have to figure out yourself. Learn everything you can about yourself. Learn, learn learn . Keep learning don’t stop learning either. There is always something to learn. And finally don’t stop laughing laugh as much as you can, you can’t take life to seriously or it will kill you. Earlier I tried to casually escape an event my church was having. I eased my way back to the front to escape. I pushed the door and it was locked.
No matter what you do, the inner child WILL come back at you. You can bury it as deep as you want, “sacrifice” it, but it will remanifest when the situation is right. How many grown men cry when they reach their limits, the sense of needing buddies outside of work, “clinging” to that one childhood friend you have. The inner child will always exist, because that is what we are originally. Adulthood is the product of environment.
The biggest realization of my position in society came a bit later in life. I was the youngest, the funniest, the smartest, the most rebellious, and the most optimistic in my family. Everyone always said I had SO much potential. I always outscored everyone in school on tests without even really trying. So I believed that they were right and didn’t take life seriously. I joked my way through high school and even my first years of college. I treated school as my overlord and fought against authority figures for no reason other than I thought I was special. But eventually the structure of school falls away and you don’t have anything to rebel against. Eventually you’re only rebelling against those that love you and yourself. After college, it was my least favorite boss I ever had that woke me up from my partial stupor. He was stealing thousands of the dollars from the company through creative accounting, and I’m the one that found out. There’s a lot more to that story, but what I learned is that I NEVER wanted to be like him. He was always lying his way through life and faking every interaction for his own agenda. I decided that I never wanted to lie like him and that I actually wanted to contribute to society instead of just taking because I believed I was special. It was a rough awakening, and I still have so much more growth to do, but I am so grateful it didn’t happen even later in life. I decided to stop fighting against the wrong things, and take responsibility for my actions and the outcome of my life.
Here’s the thing that people need to realize about growing up. You can stall it and never do anything and then be 80 years old and regret that you never did anything. Or you can go out and do things. Also nothing has to be as final as people think it is. If you start on a career path as a dog groomer and then you realize halfway through that you really actually hate dogs, there is literally nothing stopping you from going back to college and becoming an architect. You don’t have to keep down one path and do nothing else until you die.
I had a spinal deformity that really limited my life until I had it corrected, which was at the age of 23, after college. After I had my back fixed, I went out and had the most fun in my 20s, and I was intentionally just trying to make the most of life with a new body and mindset. I also got into the gym, joined a new band, went on literally hundreds of Tinder dates/partys/concerts, and hopped around a few careers in a few areas. Ultimately it lead to me being in a really good spot on life, with a family and home and super cool job. I still have a wild side, I still enjoy going out and having fun. I don’t consider those childish, I consider those complete normal human behaviors. But, here’s the thing: do it with passion. Stop criticizing yourself at every damn moment. Have some fun. Just have some spark. In general, I like Peterson and his books, but I think plans and procedures are grossly overrated. There are way too many people out there with plans and ideas, but they have no fun. And nobody wants to be with someone who’s no fun. The secret does not involve abstaining from article games or porn or drinking, it also doesn’t involve being arrogant and elitist. The secret is to just find what works for YOU. Everyone is different. I know very successful entrepreneurs; most of them act like big, inattentive children. It’s the truth!! To be fair are all like this? Definitely not. But are most? Probably. You need a lot of energy to do big things… Sometimes people who are thrill seeking and energetic are said to be childish.
Thank you for posting this. This is just ‘my life’ all over, I used to joke around in uni and not take it seriously. I would go out every night and get drunk, sleep around and just screw around with my mates. I was building a life for myself for a few years but I ended up making the same mistakes as I did before. Now I am 33 years old, I wasted away a good job, good relationship with a loving partner and an amazing life due to my attitude and mentality. I’m trying to build a new life again but my god it’s hard, sometimes at night I feel like crying about the things I’ve done in the past that has led me to the situation I’m in now.
Such an amazing mind and speaker… he’s turned around so many lives with his direction! For folks struggling to grow up, it’s not that you need to let go of what you love – it’s that you need to prioritize! Income, bills, health, and then fun… and in the long run, you’ll be way happier than somebody that has literally no responsibilities at all. You see it all the time… they’re miserably drowning in their own anxiety and misdirection.
I’m 39 years old, once I stopped drinking I feel that I grew up. I stopped going to bars, clubs, and hanging out with people who just wanted to do the same. I was able to focus more on myself, my health, my money and life in general. Not growing up were I had the same agenda for many years had me in the same cycle repeating the same mistakes. Meeting women with drinking problems was one, drunk driving was another, and just missing out on career opportunities because I didn’t want to grow up.
Watching this struck a real cord with me because until recently I was something of a man child myself and stuck in a state of arrested development. What made me change was a combination of age, financial difficulties and also realizing that I needed to act my age and grow up. There’s nothing wrong with still loving as a adult what you loved as a kid or teenager but there comes a point when you have to put away your adolescent obsessions and move on with your life. After all there’s a reason why fanboys are called fanboys and not fan men and why being immature in your 30s and 40s is frowned down upon.
This something alot of men including myself went thru. I went thru it with article games,computers, and arcade gaming. I went into my 30`s living like I was in my 20`s and had to face reality in my 40`s. It`s not fun playing catch up, but I`m happy to be able to rebuild. Use your time wisely men of all ages.
I think about my childhood and I do miss it very much. Adulthood is a very complex world. Fell hard and lost people. Did drugs and quit some. Got love and destroyed it. Understanding everything by experience has taught me a lot on how to set my priorities straight. Sure did take forever and I’m still catching up but I never lost the youth inside me. I still walk around like life’s joke but at the same time, I still work on what needs to be done.
“You could be anything but you’re not anything.” – This is so true. I’ve been pondering about life for a while and I’ve noticed that to reach a certain mastery at something, I must accept that there will be things I know nothing about. The sacrifice of being good in something is knowing that you will not be known for other things and that is perfectly fine.
I find listening to JP so enlightening, sometimes I get the light bulb moment like it’s brand knew information to me, and then other times like in this lecture, it’s like he’s telling me something I knew and have experienced, but just never heard it spelt out and explained like this. I know this was filmed a while back but it will be forever relevant. I have fought my maturity many times in my life but it is as Jordan says, inevitable, it’s going to happen at some point and it’s better to accept that fact earlier than later. I’m over 30 now and the best thing that ever happened to me was my apprenticeship. It was exactly what he said, when I finished it, it opened up the world too me in ways I never thought I would experience. Thank you for the article
I remember having a teacher like this in college. They would always tell us how bad things have become now and would lead us through a sophisticated intellectualisation, of how bad everything was. Looking back, nothing I learned in school or college was of any particular use in the world. I guess those who can’t do, teach.
This really hit home for me. Im 41 now and have family and career but when I was 28 I was living on the street and had no employment and a pretty good drug/alcohol habbit. Basically i was a functioning addict. Lost control or what I thought was control, lost mobility, lost a job, lost a place to live. I had to come to some hard realizations and truths and was left with a decision. Live or die. Ro live required change which was scary and uncomfortable, but to remain the same was to die and that was easy but definitely more uncomfortable and scary. Glad I chose to live but it wasnt easy. In order to do that I had to accept and come to terms with a lot of what he’s talking about and some other things from 12 Rules. Things like the fact that my condition was my own fault and that I had a responsibility to be a positive representation of my heritage as well as a positive inspiration for my future family members. I discovered JP years after I began my journey but really appreciate learning about him. Definitely a Godsend to countless people.
I had a father who took care of my basic needs but had no idea how to express love or to actually father me. That coupled with other factors beyond my control pretty much stunted my maturation process. I lived at home until I was 39. I’m 55 now. I’ve never been in a relationship or even had a real best friend. At times I still feel just like I was 10 years old wishing my life were different. I remember how proud of me people were when I finally got my own home and I remember thinking that now I was truly all alone. I cried at night knowing my childhood was forever gone and that I never even really got to enjoy it. The little boy in me is still alive yearning to be loved and validated. I know how to fool people and most think that I finally have my act together but truthfully, I’m desperately lonely and ashamed of my life.
In my environment adults are miserable and youth is enthusiastic. While jordan states the current story we put ourselves in as humans, there is nothing wrong with being child like. This illusion that we all need to step up and keep sacrificing until we reach a definition of success may cost others their own sanity and lead others into greed. Life is a balance. Dont let anyone tell you you’re not living life correctly because nobody even gets out of it alive. Live how you want knowing what you have control over and offer no resistance to the things you cannot control. Stay youthful.
This is tough for me. I’m 54 and I’ve either lost or outright ruined everything, marriage, jobs, family and now my health. I’m depressed and cannot find a reason to live. It’s no use playing the blame game now, but I was neglected as a child by a mentally ill mother who died when I was ten and an alcoholic father and so I don’t think I’ve ever really grown up. I’m terribly stuck and aimless. A 54 year old adolescent. I had a very good job recently, but I sabotaged it by making a fight with the boss (I cannot stand authority) and so now I am unemployed and housebound again. All I can do is pray to a God whom I barely even believe in anymore for help.
Like all things, it’s about balance. “Growing up” is inevitable, it’s how you do it that matters. Becoming an adult doesn’t mean you have to be a crotchety boring person, it means you have to be responsible and take responsibility for your own actions. Immaturity is blaming others for your poor decisions, which is what children do and is what a significant portion of the current generation does. We have 30 and 40 year olds not taking responsibility for their actions. You can become a successful adult while still keeping a youthful spirit and enjoying the things you loved as a child.
Watching this make me thinking I’m a 28 trapped in 21 memories. Most of my friends are married and even have kids. And I’m here not seeing anyone. My confidence dropped like a 100 tonne steelball from 8th story. I’m not alone though. Got new friends and still hangout with old ones. Got my families. But I’m nowhere near future
He speaks about adulthood as something that confines you. That potential is something to be sacrificed on the alter of identity. All things are transient, and identity is fluid, not concrete. Chaining yourself to some imagined personality is the most sure way to be miserable. Be free. A career and family are shallow badges that distract from real happiness. You can only accept their transience. Appreciate them more, knowing they’re temporary.
Im 35 and still at home with my parents. I had a car accident and serious coma and near death around 22. I’ve been stuck and rehabilitating for a while. I am finding it extremely difficult to accept growing up. It sucks. I have been on disability and just recently took a leap to start my own business and get better. I probably would be alone had that accident not happened but this is exactly what’s happening to me now. I’m suffering horrible emotions.
as a 26 year old male who lives in his moms basement, this def hits home, and I can slowly feel the oppression of being that 30 year old. Especially since I kind of lost a year of my life to trauma, and choosing to switch my career entirely, I work a shit job with literal teenagers and its embarrassing man edit: I’ve just realized that my initial post seems alot whinier and than the truth. First of all, I don’t work that job anymore. Additionally, I took that job knowing it was a crappy filler job. I took it just for the money, and because it would be an easy thing to do while I try to start a business and go to school. Additionally, I already have a college degree as a tradesman, and I’m going back to school NOW for digital creation (graphic design, article, photo) I have a degree in automotive repair technology and I worked in the field for about 3 years before I decided that I wanted to do something more creative with my life. I wanted entrepreneurship and freedom and I also wanted a job where I can actually utilize creativity. I also have this youtube website, and I’m starting a sticker store. So, I am very ambitious and I work hard often and do set goals. I appreciate everyone with their random suggestions, but I have a pretty clear path forward and I am working on it. However, what is continuously frustrating is that when I was working 50+ hours a week at my job as an auto technician and trying to run this website, plus school, I didn’t feel like I was getting “ahead” at all.
My husband and I are 30 and we’re the Peter Pan couple. We got married at a Renaissance Faire. Sure, we have jobs and responsibilities, but we split the burden and share the load. When we’re not working, we play like little kids; article games, camping, outdoors in general, new places, new foods to try, and we always laugh. Peter Pan doesn’t mean you have to be content being married or single, kids or not (we don’t intend on having kids btw), I think it just means being content despite the ugly and often uncomfortably real world we grow up and live in. My only advice is don’t exploit other people for your happiness. Too many people use others with no intent of doing right by the other person only to see themselves win in the end. Don’t get selfish or greedy. If you’ve ever been described in this way, consider where your bitterness is coming from and how you can be happy without making others miserable. You can be Peter Pan, but don’t live like Hook in attempts to achieve that lifestyle.
I went through this at 26 years old. Before I was 26 I was just bouncing around from city to city state to state half assed working some low end job and then going broke and moving back home again. I was living with family at 25 and had no real job for that whole year. I was then asked to get a job anywhere or move out. I then started working the most miserable job of my life on an herb farm where I was treated with no respect except by a few put I stayed there for a year to improve my work history. I then joined a landscaping/ logging crew which was still slave labor but I was treated with more respect than my previous job and my bosses were impressed with my work ethic. I ended up going back to trade school on my own dime that I had earned from work at night while continuing to work the logging job during the day. I ended up getting a job at a warehouse for a while until I got hired by Loomis Armored US. I now own my own home and have a career as a Cash In Transit Officer while doing some welding work on the side. It was a long and painful journey but now I get to laugh about all of the stupid and chaotic things that happened along the way from being sent on landscaping jobs without any tools to all of the nights that I signed my name to help bail my old co-workers out of jail(never paid, just signed) from getting into fights with the strip club bouncers. Again it was a rough and brutal road but I take pleasure in my maturity and laugh about the chaos.
I find myself returning to this article time and time again at 27. I’m the Peter Pan except instead of a boyish childlike desire to remain young my anxiety and fear of taking the next steps keeps me frozen. Now I’m slowly becoming a laughing stock to those around me. I’ve taken some steps to growing up, like pursuing a degree and working full time but it still does not feel like enough.
When asked about the purpose of life I think it was a zen priest that said ‘chop wood, carry water’. It took me years to understand that I am best served when I put my mind in this present moment and without expectation or demands of more than what is present in this moment. I can have plans and intentions, but I ought not live there.
Being an adult is not being an overly serious person who knows no fun anymore. It’s realizing that life is a system and knowing what is your part in that system. The human body is a system and it won’t work without each part of the body. Society is the body and we are parts of the body and an adult contributes in that system. It’s not being a slave but being aware of what life is and have a meaningful existence by doing your part before your inevitable demise.
The fact that most of the things this man says is extremely depressing, and at the same time very accurate and relevant to the world and the life we have defined and created, proves that we have failed at creating a happy, uplifting way of life. For many education and university is not really a pleasure island,, it’s a temporary shelter from the harsh climates of life, and trying to fit into a mould that would provide you with title, money, respect and security, which are of little real value. If you wanna get depressed listen to Jordan Peterson; harshly realistic outlook on a messed up, scary and unsafe world. If you wanna heal listen to Gabor Mate; gentle connection with the true self to remember your true strength and that you are not here to fit any mould.
I was forced into adulthood really young psychologically and emotionally. By the time I was 16-17 years old I thought of how much I thought I knew about life having experienced a lot by then. However, being now in my mid-late 20s I realize how little I knew, and sometimes I say that if I could go back I would tell myself I knew nothing and true knowledge and adulthood was about to come. I thought I knew but at the same time I understood I didn’t, that I had much to learn, so I was ready. What I thought was adulthood in my early 20s was just childish behaviours. I see now how many people around me are still stuck in their childhood, just “living life”, not really pushing themselves to do anything, not really doing anything, not fighting, not thriving, some are not even suffering since they are still cuddled in their nests where they are safe and they don’t take any risks
We’re all scarred, some more than others. I lost my parents in my sixties and i just feel so lost in this world. In my youth, I thought that they were abusive by fighting in front of us but in the happy times, it was wonderful to be around them. Without them, i find it hard to have an identity and I struggle to find any solace in this life.
The part at the end about the apprenticeship opening the world up is what I experienced. I didn’t attend a university. Probably wouldn’t have been accepted if I had even applied. I did a year and a half at a community college and gave up. Didn’t know what I was going to do. Then stumbled into an apprenticeship. Now I’m a journeyman plumber making a good and honest living.
That’s mostly how the foundation of what my brand was originally formed around came to be & how I was able to develop it from there. Building a brand alongside a fictional character residing in this “other world” gave me a way to express myself to the fullest with no limits as I continued to grow up. It’s also helped me keep a great balance in having a youthful mindset regardless of my age. Allowing me to open my mind to limitless creativity for the brand and expanding beyond that to encourage myself to stay in shape, master my emotions, live in the moment sometimes, & many more. I can say that I have found peace in this way of living while growing with my passions…for me at least. Knowing that when it all starts to take off(& pay off), I’ll have those good practices to keep me on the path of a balanced, successful, & MENTALLY healthy lifestyle.
I watched as my son put away his toys and turned his focus on his wife and then their kids. They are buying their first house and he’s working constantly, happily. Proud of what they are creating. I remember being like that, I guess. But it’s humbling to watch your offspring doing it. Our kids bring us joy in surprising ways.
I just live my life for me. I dont hurt anyone, i do what i like, i do things that make me happy, and i surround myself with things i grew up loving and that happiness keeps my inner child alive. The idea of growing up, accepting being enslaved into the corporate machine, being a living cash cow for the government, and realising that life is that we exist to just survive while those who govern us life a life of decadence at our expense is not one i care for. I do whatever it takes to keep me and my family happy, and in my fortress of solitude away from the world where i can perpetually keep the inner child in my heart alive it keeps my sanity. So as long as the mortgage is paid, food is on the table, bills and insurances are paid and everyones happy…whats the harm of those wanting to keep their childhood alive again?!
i’m 21 years old. although i’m still considered young i put this pressure on myself to be successful as soon as possible. i find myself constantly thinking about my childish ways then i realize i shouldn’t anymore and put myself down for thinking that way. it’s time to get my priorities straight but i guess i’m just reminiscing my childhood. i’d prefer to not lose that inner child. so pure and innocent. i want to feel old plus young at the same time
I think most men are still trapped in childhood at the age of 40, at least to some degree. Just witness a bunch of 40+ year old good buddies together having a drink and it manifests itself. I don’t think that’s a big deal, but it’s important to make sure you that these moments are the exception rather than the rule.
The fear of changing and moving on has always haunted me even if i didn’t feel it counciensly. I feel like i always wanted to be in a way i was when i had 17-18 years of age because that seemed to be the age mt childhood felt the most impactful. But now i realise that after 2 years i am changing for the sake of a better relation with others and because of adulthood problems and it feels as if i am tranforming into something else. It hurts but i guess it has to be done
I think what’s discouraging about all this is that the motivation for doing these things doesn’t necessarily come from within. You “grow up” because other people judge you if you don’t. You “grow up” because society or your family has placed expectations on you. You “grow up” because you’re worried about being considered a “disappointment” or “failure” if you don’t, and there are very few intrinsic motivators for someone to grow up outside of having a strong desire to accomplish things that demand your maturity. If you’re the kind of person who wants to be happy for your own sake, and not exist just to placate others or because society expects you to fall in line, then deciding to “grow up” is a difficult choice to make on your own. I think this is why I (at 29) just haven’t found a reason to do so. I see friends who have done it, they have a job, kids, homes, etc., and they HATE it. They drink, they do drugs, they play articlegames with every free hour they have; it’s like they’ve “grown up” but they’ve found out that “growing up” sucks and now they’re trying to revert, but they’re already committed. For the rest of their lives they’ll be raising kids/grandkids, trying (struggling, really) to keep a roof over their heads, and burying the stuff they hate about themselves and their lives as adults under a mountain of booze and marijuana. I may be considered a “loser” or a “failure” or a “wasteoid” by others, but in my own private company I’m doing what makes me happy. It seems to me that people judge that decision harshly because they were sold a raw deal with going to college and focusing on their career and raising a family, and they just don’t like seeing people actually be happy with the alternative.
You can have the childhood joy as long as you wish i wouldn’t listen to this. Its putting a misery on how you want to live. Live joyfully and have fun. I listened to this and it sounded bitter with a notion academic or work related success is your only path to maturity and a good life. Which is a very limited experience for humans
Man the one thing I’m terrified of is growing up into something I don’t know from something that I know. It’s scary to one day be a kid that plays games and hangs out with friends to an adult that works graveyard and is miserable for the next 50 years or so. I’m afraid of giving up what I love and what I’m used to for something I don’t know and sounds depressing.
I have a mortgage and other monthy dues, but i enjoy playing article games and reading comics. Not because im a “Gamer” or “Nerd”, but because i enjoy a very compelling story with an ansamble of characters. I enjoying thinking about said story hours, even days after the fact. I wouldnt say im stuck in childhood, but many things of my childhood have obviously stuck with me. Thats my 2 cents.
My father is a successful man who owns multiple properties, runs his own business, raised a family, supports a wife, and built his own house… not to mention he can build and do all manner of useful things. You know what he also does? He collects comics, action figures, and little statues. Get over yourself. We can keep our inner child without being childish.
I know someone that has lived like Peter Pan and quarantine opened their mind to realize that they aren’t getting as far as they hoped. They constantly comment about “fear of dying alone” and “now they don’t fit in.” I told them, “we all die alone, even if we have partners and children” and “you don’t need to have a partner or children to make yourself fit in with those that do, you choose to fit yourself into the equation or not.” I have always been a single parent and I choose who are the right people to be around, some are couples, some are single parents, some are childless. I know exactly what this person needs and wants but sadly they don’t know how to embrace it 😞 Hopefully they will realize that they can still be young at heart while embracing different avenues of maturity. I’m eternally young at heart and it doesn’t discredit my maturity.
I watched this article as if Mr. Peterson were speaking directly to me, and even though it does not apply to me, it still made me step back a bit to take a closer look at myself…. He put out more thought provoking information in 4:44 seconds than some speakers do in an hour worth of lecture. Very well done!
This is the most capitalistic approach to maturity I’ve ever seen. Yes, Jordan, my entire identity and maturity level is centered around what some boss supposes about my potential. Never mind emotional maturity or any other kind of abstraction fundamental to the human experience. Its purely what you represent to society’s economy. Which may make sense if we had an economy that valued maturity, production and usefulness instead of entertainment and exploitation.
IN DEFENSE OF PETER PAN: There is another way of looking at this. Men are not trapped in childhood. They are trapped in LIFE, in the human predicament. And most men organically sense that, and it gives them tremendous amounts of anxiety, so great deal of them will of course wish to put off 1) realizing just how dire the world and adulthood are and 2) accepting and succumbing to them. Women are far more adapted to this predicament, much more instinctual. They will find their roles easier to slip into because, unlike men, most women have inherent value in society, whereas men need to prove and generate theirs. Also, men generally possess more of a capacity for cold reason, and they recognize the raw deal they were served in the form of LIFE, rather easily. The reason why maturity is so traumatic for men is that they actually become someone else. The moment they accept their role in the species’ perpetuation cycle, they cease to have an identity, instead becoming a cog in the wheel of family and society, thus committing the capital sin of bringing someone else into this cursed equation. At least Peter Pan can’t be accused of doing that. Do you think Pan’s the only one with illusions? How about we start with the illusion of FREE WILL, since Jordan was talking about CHOICE so much.
Old woman here married to an old man for 50 years. He has relived his childhood over and over again, making many misstakes along the way. I told him that if he continued to live in the past, he would miss out on all the wonderful things God had planned for him in the here and now. He finally seemed to get it and decided it is never to late to live in the present moment. He is happier and so am I.
Aspiring to be somebody in this vanity fair is like stepping consciously into a trap that took thousands of years to develop, and it’s for people that behave like fish and swallow the bate. It stems from insecurity about identity. Sometimes it’s better to be an absolute zero, it helps at keeping the parasites away, the chill of being nobody.
A message that is only partially correct. I’ve paid my toll of throwing away the toxic elements of my inner child for four years and now that I’ve reached a stable and happy phase in my life, I’m now going to allow his desires and see where his happy spontaneity leads me, and no amount of “MAN UP!” message from toxic conservatives is gonna have a say in how I lead my own life.
One of the best lines in Fight Club is Edward Norton in a tub – “I’m a 30 year old boy.” By 30 I was married and a father, yet the reality of how I lived my life, all for me, took this films line from comedy to tragedy – in real time. This is why we must do a better job as parents. Our jobs aren’t to protect our children from the harsh realities of life, it’s to prepare them with practical solutions to continue moving forward, and with healthy coping mechanisms so that in the event of the moment they cannot move forward – they don’t crumble.
I embraced the chaos of reality when I was 15. Being a teen in a third world country, I expected nothing but a less hardship compared to yesterday. My abusive father taught me a lot about the reality through his abuse. I was not even bothered to attend his funeral. After his demise, my mother became my only hope. One day she also started to judge me on the basis of my earnings compared to my friend. My grades, my physics Olympiad award, my intellectual well being nothing mattered to her. She does not believe in me. In fact, she never believed in me. That was the day I wept a bit and understood that there is nothing called love in this world, I am not lovable. We only survive through our mutually common interest. That was the day I realized that I owe nothing to anyone. I finally freed myself from the shackle of humanity. Now I feel like I can dance on a corpse and eat its flesh. I am the Baphomet that everyone must hate and fear.
When I turned 18 my parents sat me down. They said “Son, you’ve been responsible your whole life, you’ve never asked for thing, you always found a way to pay for the things you want”. They handed me a check for $3000 and said I had 90 days to move out. If we know you as much as we do and how we raised you, you’ll do just fine”. I was sacred AF and pissed off at the time. But I knew I had no choice. Got more hours at my job, found some friends to move out into a townhouse with and become my own man. That was 1993. 30 years ago. I worked hard all my life, so allow myself to play as many article games as I want, be a bedroom music producer, dress like im going to a metal show everyday. But I just couldn’t imagine a life being a manchild mooch.
Well put my friend I’ve felt my maturity pick up heavily as a mater of perception and awareness both self and in the exterior world through 25-28 years old. The perspective of that coin flip of maturity per se is very valid in my eyes as it coincides with my current and previous experiences mixed with the child I was in childhood. I love how it creates a balance spectrum of growth and self acceptance/accomplished. Loved this
I remember being a kid playing in a sandbox thinking that I wouldn’t be able to do that when I grew up, and I didn’t want to grow up. Well eventually I didn’t want to play in a sandbox anyway, and instead I got into playing sports even though I wasn’t particularly good at anything. Meanwhile I went on to college, graduated, and got a job with a big company. My first love was still playing sports, and it turned out that I was a late bloomer and I actually got pretty good at basketball and tennis. I’m retired now and I still play tennis, so in a sense I really never grew up, but at least I applied myself to my job and had a good career. You don’t really have to give up having fun as an adult, but it is important to do the best you can to become productive and contribute in some way to society.
I will be 36 this year. I grew up in terms of responsibility in life, independence( i live in my own apartment for the lat 12 years..) I also have 2 jobs.. But i still sigh at memories from 10-15 years ago and i wish i was there again. Everything was better. Had more friends, was excited for all the events that happened.. life was so much more colorful and interesting back then.. Now it’s just work and home 90% of the time.
My entire childhood was stolen from me by my parents. It wasn’t until I turned 23 that I started finishing my childhood. I’m still going through that process now, 10 years later. It has crippled me in a fundamental way I cannot really describe to other people. Everyone who had a normal/good childhood cannot fathom why I’m so far behind, just further proof that most people lack the cognitive ability to put themselves in others shoes, part of why our world is so messed up now. Human quality has dropped drastically.
Just create goals, decide what you want to do with your life and go and achieve it. Ask for advice from people that you look up to and go accomplish the things that make you who you are… What you’re destined to be. Once you have achieved your goal and you’re done with your daily responsibilities feel free to goof off. You’ve earned it.
I don’t think the world understands how special this man is. I haven’t had my mind blown and my whole perspective of reality shattered as many times as this man has created in me in such a short amount of time. You’ve made me realize so many things that really if you really sat there and thought about it, its simply true. For the fact that I’ve put myself in a position for the eventual explosion of damage I’ve wrought on myself is due to commerce any moment now. And you’ve given me perception and insight into the very fabric of it. That now maybe that im enlightened I can now prevent the damage from being done… Mind fucking blown, ive think you’ve completely shattered my world and changed my mind about everything and its for the better and I can’t explain how grateful to you that I am. A great man
Thank you, Dr. Peterson. To be honest, I was a little irritated at some of the things you mentioned but then I realized that the truth hurts. I just turned 30 and just now realizing what this place is like. It took me a while to notice but we all have a job to do. I work at a warehouse but took a leave recently to fix myself up. I’m an addict. Again, stopping vaping(1st day). I take nerve pills to get high sometimes but when I don’t have anymore I get realy shaky and my chest has pressure. I don’t like the fact that I gotta socialize but society pushed me to the limit and now I’m understanding what needs to be done, so now I’m playing my role.
“You can go to university to not be something, instead of going to university to be something.” – Jordan Peterson. This explanation is the kind of basic one-liner I have been trying to muster up just so I can understand and put out the big picture of what is partially wrong with universities these days – i.e. with their surrounding culture, youth culture, ethos and what seems to be an increasingly permissibility of being mediocre. JP is just so damn brilliant with words.
Choosing a good mate is an important resource as well. Was living with my parents till I was 22 had no real direction or higher education eventually got married was more stable in my work life, bought a house, bought my own car and now I’m at tech school getting a degree. Would not be where I am without a strong woman pushing me forward.
This hits hard. I do feel like now, I just don’t want to grow up anymore (I’m in my 30s). My trajectory is backwards though. Tried to be as mature as I can be in my late teens and focused more on the important passions in life while giving myself a taste of fun a little bit back in my 20s. I feel like that was my maturity stage and I still carry that with me along with the newfound lessons in life. I’ve had achievements and also failures. But I’m also stuck wanting more fun now than when I was in my late teens. A lot of people my age have moved past that and are now focused on other things, so I’m forced to also just let things be. I know I’m still growing mentally and spiritually, but it’s slower and a bit more stagnant now. Or maybe it’s just covid halting all our lives.
Speaking from experience, I think this (manchild) happens most frequently for men who grew up without a father figure (regular in their lives). I can count the number of times my father gave me good advice that really helped me through life on one hand. He always said he ‘just wanted me to be happy’, and now as a father myself, I think that’s about the most empty thing you can wish for your children. I’m now 42 and don’t regret anything, look forward, but it’s hard not to think wtf, how was I let down so bad? And how can we not let the present younger generations down, help them move forward into adulthood with a much smoother transition than many of us have had, and possibly still are in. So I teach my kids about responsibility, and give them expectations that one day they will have great responsibilities, and that they will be adults, and have children, and become entrepreneurs, and for now, relax and enjoy every minute of their childhood.