Adoption professionals and child welfare experts agree that parents should not adopt across racial lines unless they are prepared to help their child learn about their racial identity and cultural heritage, find quality relationships with individuals who share their heritage, acknowledge the continued existence of racial prejudice, and assist them in developing a positive, mature, and healthy self-image. White parents raising children of color should not “play ostrich around race, culture, ethnicity, and privilege”, which remains an urgent challenge in a country where racism and bigotry persist.
Transracial adoptees, children raised by adoptive parents of a different race or ethnicity, are experiencing their own racial reckoning as the nation confronts its own. Some white prospective adoptive parents might question their ability to parent children of color, while others may underestimate or prematurely dismiss it. A separate body of literature has examined the racial socialization practices of White parents raising biracial children.
A recent survey from the Department of Health and Human Services found that 40 of adoptions are transracial in nature, up from 28 in 2004. Not all transracial adoptees have the same needs, and children’s needs change over time. To ensure the health and strength of children of color raised by white parents, it is essential for transracial adoptive families to remain close and connected.
White adoptive parents of Black children, particularly Black girls, should not adopt children of color solely because they see them as more disadvantaged or poorer than white children. Transracial adoption often manifests as privileged, with 73% of all adopted children of color being white.
📹 Should White People Adopt People of Color?
WHO IS JUBILEE? We believe in the power of empathy for human good. Ultimately, we aim to inspire people to EMBRACE …
What race tends to have the most kids?
Hispanics and blacks have the largest families among mothers near the end of their childbearing years, with an average of 2. 6 children for Hispanic mothers aged 40 to 44, compared to 2. 5 for black mothers. White and Asian mothers have smaller families, with an average of 2. 3 children for white mothers and 2. 2 for Asian mothers. Hispanics are the least likely to have only one child, with only 17 children among mothers aged 40 to 44. However, Hispanics are more likely to have large families, with half of Hispanic mothers having three or more children, compared to 40 for blacks.
Which race has the highest adoption rate?
In the 2021 fiscal year, 27, 145 children in the United States who were adopted with the involvement of a public agency were identified as white, with 10, 991 of these children self-identifying as Hispanic. In the same year, the number of children adopted in the country increased to 10, 991. The United States government fiscal year is defined as commencing on October 1 and concluding on September 30.
What race is the cheapest to adopt?
Adoption is a practice run like a marketplace, where children can be priced individually or in race-based categories based on market preference. NYU Stern School economist Allan Collard-Wexler found that the most requested preference from adoptive parents is a white, assigned female at birth infant. The cost of adopting a black baby needs to be $38, 000 lower than the cost of a white baby to make parents indifferent to race.
Non-white children, and black children, are harder to place in adoptive homes, so the cost is adjusted to provide an incentive for families that might otherwise be locked out of adoption due to cost. Black babies cost less, and the cost to adopt a newborn black infant is a fraction of that to adopt a white one. Adoption agencies often offer deals on twins, allowing families to adopt one and get the other at half off.
In conclusion, adoption prices vary based on gender and race, making it a practice run like a marketplace.
Do parents love their adopted child less?
The emotional attachment, trust, and connection that exists between adopted children and their adoptive parents is as strong as that between biological children and their biological parents. Adoptive families endeavor to surmount obstacles, cultivate a sense of belonging, and acknowledge the distinctive attributes of their familial structure. An open adoption can facilitate the creation of a loving and supportive environment.
What country is the most expensive to adopt a child?
Adoption costs in China, South Korea, Thailand, and Morocco range from $32, 000 to $41, 000. FCCA, an affiliate of American Adoptions, provides the best support to birth parents and adoptive families. The average cost of international adoption varies between $25, 000 and $70, 000, depending on the country. It is recommended to consult with an adoption professional for an accurate estimate. The average cost of international adoption is fairly wide due to the numerous countries available for adoption. Together, FCCA and American Adoptions have created over 13, 000 families.
What kids get adopted the least?
Adoption rates for children over 8 decrease significantly when they reach their teens, with the average age of a child in foster care being 7. 7 years. This is due to the fact that babies are often adopted quickly, but the rate drops even further when a child reaches their teens. If you believe you have been blocked, contact the site owner for assistance. If you are a WordPress user with administrative privileges, enter your email address and click “Send”.
What ethnicity is least adopted?
A study by economists from the California Institute of Technology, the London School of Economics, and New York University has found that parents pursuing adoption in the US have strong preferences regarding the types of babies they will apply for. They tend to choose non-African-American girls and prefer babies who are close to being born, rather than those who have already been born or are early in gestation.
These preferences can be quantified in terms of the amount of money the potential adoptive parents are willing to pay in finalizing their adoption. The study can provide policymakers with a more rational, evidence-driven base to consider the implications of policies and laws, such as those restricting adoption by single-sex and foreign couples.
What happens if you adopt a child and it doesn’t work out?
Disruptions in adoptions can occur before the adoption is finalized, often due to factors such as biological family members returning to parent the child, concerns from foster care professionals, or legal issues. In some cases, the adopting parent may disrupt the process and request that the adoption not be legally finalized due to changes in their situation, family issues, or a lack of understanding of the child’s needs. To prevent disruptions, it is crucial to provide more education and support for all involved parties.
While some circumstances may require disruption, it is the adopting parent’s personal responsibility to ensure they are prepared and educated to prevent a “failed” foster care adoption. By ensuring everyone involved is well-prepared and educated, the process can be more successful and avoid the need for disruptions in adoptions.
What to do after a failed adoption?
After a failed adoption, it is essential to allow time for healing and to evaluate what you will do differently next time. It is crucial to be honest with yourself and allow yourself to heal, so you can return to the next match feeling confident and refreshed.
Failure is not due to anything you did or didn’t do, but rather it was not meant to be. Use your experience as a learning opportunity and seek advice from your adoption agency or attorney. Stay positive and know that nothing life-changing is easy.
Prepare your finances, as many families experience a significant financial hit due to non-refundable matching fees. Regain your financial confidence and have a reasonable budget in mind before waiting for a match again. Stay positive and remember that nothing is life-changing, and stay positive in the face of adversity.
Do adoptive parents feel guilty?
Adoption guilt can arise at any point during the adoption process, including making your adoption profile, meeting the birth mother, and after delivery. Marketing yourself to the birth mother may cause guilt as you highlight the resources she may not have. Meeting the birth mother may also present a difficult decision, as they share a story similar to yours. After delivery, the birth mother may feel joy and happiness over the birth, but you may struggle to feel guilty for the pain she is experiencing. These situations can lead to feelings of guilt and uncertainty for adoptive parents.
Are adopted kids more like biological parents?
As an adoptee with five children, I have observed that our family unit bears resemblance to our biological families, with the exception of certain traits. Our personalities are genetically predisposed, as are our physical bodies. To illustrate, a child with a proclivity for music who is adopted by a family with a background in athletics will not necessarily abandon their athletic pursuits.
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The hardest part for me being a transracial adoptee (Chinese, one child policy etc.) is my baggage is on full display whenever I’m with my parents. Everyone can see I’m adopted, they know my birth parents gave me up, they can assume I probably have issues because of it…I just hate feeling so exposed.
I was born in Cambodia and adopted as a baby to white parents. I love my parents so much. I’ve never ever felt in my life that I was less than others because I’m adopted. I felt different, but not less than others. I am proud of where I’m from and who I am and my parents helped teach me my worth. I’ve never identified myself as “transracial adoptee,” I’m just me. I’ve never viewed my parents as “white saviours” nor have they presented themselves as such. Just because they are white, doesn’t mean they can’t adopt POC. Their color doesn’t matter, it’s where their heart is that should. I’m lucky and grateful to have a wonderful life here in America. This isn’t always the case with other adopted kids, I get that. Everyone has different stories. I’m just sharing mine💛
Mattea, Eli, and Ben, as an Asian American myself. I just want to say you’re seen, you are loved, and thank you for sharing your stories. You guys made me cry so much because it breaks my heart that Asian Americans think less of you. You are Asian and you’re beautifully Asian. No person on this planet can tell you otherwise. Again thank you for sharing your life with us.
I’m an adopted child from Guatemala and I have a very different story than most. I was adopted at 6 months by my single white mom. My mom and I have always been open about my adoption ever since I was young. It shouldn’t matter what race or nationality I am. If I want to tap into my cultural roots, I will as my mom supports me in all ways possible. I have been aware that I am in more danger than my mom due to my skin tone and the way I perceive myself, but that doesn’t mean that white parents cant learn to understand their child. I am a proud adoptee!
As someone who is considering adoption (with no preference in race of my child) I think this is such an important conversation to be had with parents looking to adopt, no matter how uncomfortable it is. Don’t erase your child’s identity or heritage, embrace it from the beginning. So thankful for their honesty and venerability on this.
As a transracial adoptee myself I found the first question to be very poorly framed. I wish this did not open with a question like that. This was a decent episode. I feel like Jubliee can do better in general with their adoptee discussions. I’m just happy to see us being highlighted by us. I feel we are the forgotten people and I’m always happy to see us highlighted on a large scale. ❤
“You have to understand the nature in order to correctly nurture.” What Crys said goes beyond adoption, but even when thinking about decolonizing our society today. It is important to understand how the history and past predispositions and inequalities impact our present, and disregarding this is proving to be really harmful. Thanks to the transracial adoptees for their vulnerability. ❤
As someone who is black but was adopted by white parents, I think it’s totally fine BUT I also think that those parents have an extra responsibility in understanding what kind of needs their kid might have. For example how to take care of their hair and hygiene, or navigating racism internally or otherwise. Colour blindness is not the move. I grew up in a predominately white area and very rural. I never really got help on how to deal with the problems that arose because of it. I remember one of my best friends (who was white) at the time would joke I wasn’t black enough and stuff like that really started to affect me later on but my parents didn’t quite understand struggles like that. It’s something I can understand about mixed people as well when they say they don’t feel like they’re accepted by either of their “communities” I think it applies to interracial couples as well, but I’ve definitely had unsavory interactions with extended family members too. Even sometimes my parents have made comments that they maybe didn’t realize how it could be offensive or they just couldn’t understand some opinions held by me or other black people. I just think it’s important that parents are aware of what kind of issues can come with raising kids of another race or be willing to learn.
as a chinese adoptee to white parents (in europe) i really appreciate this article giving us a platform to voice some of our stories/experiences and i felt seen by what these individuals talk about. in everyone of them i saw a piece of myself. i wish we could get a second episode of this with more prompts as there are so much to cover. thank you for creating this article.
“If you don’t Nurture based on Nature”…. That was everything right there!! I love how they/she phrased that!! I’m a therapist (LMFT) and I can use this so much. You phrased that so freaking well. I’ve always been right down the middle on this, I’m 50/50 both ways and I love they way you put it (adopted or not adopted). 😘
this article has really done a great job expressing the feelings I couldn’t find the words for. It really exemplifies and represents a community that covers all different demographics and ethnicities that isn’t really talked about much and are underrepresented. Thank you so much for making a article like this!! It means a lot <3
Being a black woman who was adopted at 9 months old by an all white family, now at 36 i realize how having what you feel is your biggest secret on display – that you are different than your family – and you can’t hide it made me very private about my family life but very open in other parts. I find I’m more likely to point out my flaws or differences before someone else points them out because i just want to get past that and have them see me
Thanks to ICWA, I was placed with my mom who is half native and my dad who’s white Without ICWA I don’t know if I ever would understand my culture the way I do know. I don’t know if I would’ve ever stepped foot onto a reservation. I also, probably would’ve never received my Indian name. ICWA saved me and my culture ❤️ Thank you for touching on that in this episode!
As someone who was adopted I really wanted to comment on a lot of things that were said in this article. All I can say is that I have been blessed with a wonderful life because of adoption and I wouldn’t trade my parents at all. Although my life isn’t perfect, I was given parents that loved me and I will be forever grateful.
thank you SO much Jubilee for making me and other adoptees feel more seen. I felt constantly unseen throughout my childhood because of this experience and subconsciously pushed away any reflection I could have done. After Joyride came out and articles like this that have given more visibility to this, it’s really healing to see and hearing from other adoptees from wide backgrounds who have lived it.
I’m a Native American adopted by a black family and I love it. I love them sm. A big thing tho is when ppl see me and hear the way I talk, act and how I’m loud, some ppl think I’m talking a certain way to be “ghetto”. Like I’ve had someone tell me “u wanna be black so bad” and I’m like what😭 bc I’ve literally grown up in this culture and obviously I’m gonna pick up certain slang and ways to talk. I’m not putting up an act around ppl,I’ve juss grew up surrounded by this😭 anyways I love my family!
The problem is that a lot of white adoptive parents aren’t aware of how ethnicity and race are seen by other people. They’re unaware of racism in daily life as well.. They don’t always inspire their children to learn about their ethnic heritage. That’s why Eli grew up hating being Asian. His parents probably didn’t try to expose him to Asian people or culture. If he would have been exposed to such things, he might have not had the feelings of self hate that he experienced growing up. Many white adoptive parents teach their kids to be colorblind in a world that isn’t quite like that. When cross racial adoptees interact with other people of their ethnicity, they’re completely clueless. I’m not saying that they should try to be their ethnicity to fit in, I’m just saying that they should have an understanding of how the world sees them.
“Raise your kids with the culture they came from” I don’t think people realize your culture is not attached to your race, but your family and upbringing. You don’t belong to a culture just because you look like people from that culture. There are people who look different races than what they are, and their culture is the one they were brought up with, regardless of what they look like. Edit: another distinction I’d like to make is that your culture does not necessarily directly come from your community. It can, but it’s not always the case, and is especially rare in America. My culture is that of the way I was raised and that of my family. That being said, that doesn’t mean the community doesn’t play a part in your culture if you were brought up with the greater community being significant to your life. I’m just saying it’s not tied to what you look like (necessarily).
Im glad that they pushed back on the last question because Jubilee sometimes be wildin with the question. I wonder if they get feedback from others or if one or two people make them up and thats it. Its super important to make sure that the questions are asked with intent and not out of cliches which I have seen a lot.
It’s very interesting that most of these kids want to be seen as different and defined by their outward appearance and are upset that their parents just want to love them and don’t see them as “black kid” or “Asian kid” or something. Very interesting. But what’s also interesting is that they never had any issues with it growing and they were so happy as children and are only now thinking that they should have always had a problem with it. Perhaps the shift in all the “social justice” narratives isn’t that great when it’s literally causing happy children who loved their parents to now turn into adults who question those very parents for giving them a loving home. Very unfortunate. 🙁
A lot of these struggles are exactly the same as some of the issues I’ve had as a biracial person. I was raised by my white mother, and SO much of the loss of culture, being Not White Enough, but also Not Black Enough. It’s so interesting how the amount and flavour of Othering is so similar in these two completely different experiences.
As a Hispanic/ White adoptee who has had the privilege of meeting both my bio mom and bio dad and perusing becoming an adoption therapist, I loved this episode. These questions were all questions I’ve grappled with myself as well as discussed with other adoptee friends. I do think it would be nice to hear from people who are more positive and grateful for their experiences just to hear another side to the coin rather than mostly negative. I also think the idea of POC adopting POC is such a slept on topic that should be discussed more.❤ You guys are doing great. Looking forward to perusal Joy Ride!
Two of my best friends were adopted. One of them went to meet their birth parents and it was really hard on her. She grew up very privileged with her adopted family and her birth family lived in poverty and crime. She found out her birth mother kept her siblings and not her So it’s a mixed bag, my other friend is content not meeting her birth family. Coming from a broken home, you choose your family. It’s all about support and love
As an same race adoptee, I was told by a classmate in 2nd grade that I wasn’t adopted. She went around and told everyone that I was lying about my adoption and that I just wanted attention. I just graduated 12th grade, and I still think about this incident. It wasn’t something that anyone thought would leave a mark, but 10 years later, I still remember questioning myself and wondering whether or not I belong. My family means the world to me, and I have no idea where I would be without having the experiences I’ve had. I got lucky but know there are so many people out there who are still struggling.
Nice topic, im a transracial adoptee from Colombia to white parents. Being a transracial adoptee helped formed me into who I am, there is something to be said about having to fight to find your culture and identity. I learned spanish on my own in adulthood, lived in Latin America, learned more than i ever thought i would. That kind of thing forms you into a well rounded individual that thinks more critically ahout how the world works, culture and identity.
As an adoptive parent of interracial children, I appreciate hearing your perspective and things I can do differently. I have a different perspective as a foster parent that didn’t seek out or choose what race children came to our home. We do everything we can to give our children access to culture and I’m quick to shut down the “They’re so lucky…” conversations. I’m always seeking to learn more from adult adoptees to see how I can do better for my children. I appreciated this so much!
I ain’t adopted or whatever but I grew up in a Creole family. My family was ashamed of being Creole so I literally had to research who we were. They made me feel like I was ashamed of being black. But I wasn’t I was really trying to understand our history of how we become Louisiana Creole . It took them just like 10 years to start having that conversation about our creole background and being honest .
u can see the nature vs nurture dilemma in different a contexts though, not just in criminality and predisposition to addiction. my experience as a korean adoptee is that i grew up with virtually no korean culture around me, and yet, when i found korean food and music, it was like something clicked in my head. it wasnt just like a new discovery that i nurtured myself, it felt deeper than that. like i unearthed a long lost treasure, something that was hiding for a long time, that was always there, waiting for me to dig it up. it felt natural. like oh, my body actually craves this stuff!! thats crazy!! why do i love the spicy, earthy, pungent korean flavors so much when my parents literally despise anything thats not bland and neutral tasting? why do i love the sweet, soft, emotionally chilling sounds of korean ballads when everyone around me listened to hard rock and hip hop? why am i still a quiet, reserved and introverted sensitive person when my entire family is outgoing and talkative? nah, for me nature overwhelmingly overpowered nurture by a long shot. of course, culturally and opportunity wise i am very much a product of my environment. but the most prominent aspects of my life have always felt like a gamble of nature. i think the hardest thing for me will always be the racism you experience from not only society, but your own family as well. the colorblindness of everyone around you builds up lots of resentment and especially for me, i feel like being alienated constantly by my peers set me up to be a lot more pessimistic and cynical than i could’ve been, as i felt that normal social experiences i could’ve had growing up were denied to me because of the community i grew up in.
I actually think that Crys should have said she’s a product of nurture. Sometimes kids that were raised by ultra conservative parents rebell and lead a different lifestyle because of how they were nurtured. Her parents might have taught her to be a certain way but what she actually observed is what made her the way she is. Kids are smarter than adults realize and they can understand more than just what they’re told.
Adoption is trauma no matter how you look at it because it started with a lost that creates a potential lifelong void . Adopters should prioritize making an effort to learn about their new childs culture and sirrounding them with things that inspires comfortability in one’s skin . So many little black adoptees i know have fucked relationship with their hair and grew up with dry crunchy fried hair,something as simple as going on youtube and perusal curly hair tutorials but they rather put straightening chemicals and hot tools cause its easier and that child never even begin their self love journey when it comes to their natural hair . Something soo simple but as soon as I see their hair i already know what type of woman mama is
As a transracial adoptee, thank you for making this article for the representation that it brings. Being raised in a predominantly white community, I have always struggled with not being white enough and not being Asian enough at the same time. The community I can relate to on this topic feels so niche in my everyday life so thanks for making me feel seen.
As the biological child of a parent who was adopted, I find we also have a unique struggle. My own opinion is that she (my parent) was placed in a family that wasn’t optimal to her development. Despite this she seemed to have an unhealthy attachment to her adoptive parents simply on account of their adopting her, which tied into a self-worth problem. I felt she spent her life trying to make them happy, and when that didn’t work, she tried to force me into that role which I ultimately feel I also failed at (partially because I couldn’t have cared less about making them happy; it was quite apparent to me that it was an impossible endeavour and/or one set up to make one fail and only left me feeling resentful). Overall the crisis of identity seemed so apparent to me when I looked at this woman who was my BIOLOGICAL mother who did everything in her power to seemingly act anything like how she really was; I think she struggled with seeing herself in me, and I struggled with her resistance to let herself be anything like me.
Along the lines of unique families, I think an episode with Donor-Conceived people answering some of these questions would be super cool. Rather they were born using an egg donor or a sperm donor it would be super interesting!! this coming from a donor-conceived person! It mirrors adoption in a lot of ways 🙏🏼 Awesome episode.
Sometimes I wish there were different questions asked. As an adoptee, I feel like these questions are lacking. Yes, everyone’s own experience will impact their answers, but I feel like more exposure could be had to more engaging subjects and topics. These felt very surface-level and I think that’s why the dialogue wasn’t as serious as some of the other articles. I love the inclusion, and overall topic that this brought to the table, just wish the questions were deeper. Also, love what Crys said, my mom always said that to me too. Hand selected with love. On the flip, she would joke about losing the receipt and needing it to return me, all jokes, never serious. She saved my life and ultimately saved me, I will never be able to thank her enough.
I don’t think the latino should be there! Nicaraguan/Honduran adopted by El Salvadoran parents. All Central American and as close as it gets, culturally. Maybe if if it was a Caribbean or even South American latino but these 3 countries are next to each other and so similar. I understand if this was solely based on being adopted, but all the others were adopted by completely diffrent race/cultures.
The difference between sympathy and empathy can be pretty significant depending on the context. One is more “I’ve never experienced this myself, but I still feel bad for you and will try to understand how you’re feeling” while the other is more “I’ve experienced what you’re going through (or something very similar) before so I KNOW how awful it is” Also I absolutely love this group of folks
I (chinese adoptee) was surprised by Ben’a statistic because I have never felt that saviorism with my white parents. They were always very transparent about me being adopted but never played the grateful card when it comes to race. I wasnt even curious about my heritage until I was a teenager, and my parents were wonderful in letting me explore that on my own and develop my own appreciation for my origins and to learn about it for my own development. They never pushed it and never brought race into my upbringing at all. On the other hand, I do have a friend whose relationship with her mother is much more transactional. She feels more obligated to pay her mother back but her mom seems hurt that she feels this way. I can see why she feels that way but at the same time I cannot relate. I also know adoptees who want nothing to do with that side of their identity. It’s very interesting to see everyones upbringing
The question isn’t should xyz race adopt xyz people its whether or not they’re going to be willing to guide the child and empathize with the racial struggles that come with it what would they do if they witness their child experience prejudices? or if that child wants to explore more of their culture?
Prodigiee was not adopted into a family of a different race … Nicaragua & Hoduran to being raised by people of El Salvador ? That’s like me being Haitian but raised in a mostly Jamaican household . It’s not “transracial” . Different culturally, but still similar being that we’re black Caribbeans . Edit: missed opportunity to get the white guy & Asian woman adopted by the black families from “guess who’s not black episodes .
Some of Jubilee’s questions actually feel quite racist in their premise. “Transracial adoption shouldn’t be allowed”.. why even ask that? It’s like saying “transracial marriage shouldn’t be allowed”. There are loads of single parents who have mixed race children, and therefore aren’t exactly the same “race” as the child.
There is no guarantee that any child (biological or adopted) will come to adulthood without difficulties or trauma. Adding a cultural/racial difference can complicate everything. I grew up in a bi-cultural family and remember very clearly thinking that there was nobody like me; no representation. That is difficult enough, but if there are also abandonment issues, everything is compounded. Thank you to these young people for persevering and sharing their stories! ❤
The savior complex is tricky and seems overblown at times. There is nothing wrong with being grateful to one’s parents for raising you and giving you a family, love, and opportunities despite all the cultural barriers. Many parents who adopt do it out of love or because they can’t have kids of their own and it may not necessarily be through a superiority complex….
What an interesting perspective. My adopted friend loves bragging about how her parents chose her so I’m glad someone said it in this article too haha I love that the Chinese girls parents made it a point for her to go to that camp and celebrate and learn about her culture, it’s such a shame that some of these people grew up with parents who essentially wanted to erase their ethnicity. I’m sure it came from a place of love, but the whole idea of being “colorblind”, while it sounds great on the surface and seems to mean equality and seeing no differences between races, the reality of that way of thinking is that there ARE differences in cultures and cultural practices of different races and so to “not see color” really dishonors that part of who your child is. It also ignores the fact that while you might not see your child as any different from you because you love them, there are going to be people in this world who do and who WILL treat your child differently and you need to acknowledge your child’s feelings around that, not ignore that it’s happening.
I would disagree with what Crys said to a point. Keep Native Kids, Native. Yes. But They said it doesn’t matter the tribe. Yes it does. Because you can’t trade one tribe for another. Tribes aren’t interchangeable. That’s like saying you can trade someone from northern India and place them in southern India. There would still be missing links, culture, history.
My husband’s birth mother abandoned him. His adoptive parents saved him and loved him. Stop knocking on people who step up and help children in need. The burden of gratitude that you feel is what all children should feel, not just adopted children. I was raised by my biological parents, I can never pay them back what they’ve given me. Honor all parents, they hold the world on their shoulders.
I remember once seeing a article where at a pro-life rally this guy was asking people if & how many children they have adopted. Most said they haven’t adopted any children, & the few that did said they adopted only 1 child. 1 thing I wish he would have asked is if any of those who support adoption would adopt a child who wasn’t their race/ethnicity.
As an adoptee, a book that really helped me and my family (adopted and bio after meeting) is Coming home to Self by Nancy Newton verrier. I’ve always been skeptical of self help type books but I 100% saw myself and the things I experienced reflected in this one. Absolutely recommend to all people involved with or thinking about adoption
Ben is so smart. None of us ask to be born and some of us are born in very difficult situations and people who adopt aren’t heroes and adoptees aren’t lucky. I was not adopted but the adults who choose to adopt made that decision themselves and those kids should be lifted and loved the same way as biological kids. Needless to say our instinct as humans should be to help and do better in this world and none of us deserve a medal for that. I love this article it’s beautiful and these people deserve the world and more.🤍
I fully understand that these young people had a difficult time growing up with racism and rightfully aren’t happy that their adoptive parents didn’t take the steps they should have with teaching them about their heritage and culture growing up, but I feel like this article as a whole could be potentially harmful in the way of dissuading people from adopting children of color because they don’t want their future children to resent them or do something wrong, when POC are already disproportionately disadvantaged in American society and are so much more likely to age out of foster care without ever having a stable loving home or any family or support to lean on as they enter the world as an adult and have to figure life out without any necessary skills or foundation. I know they said they’re not against transracial adoption, but a lot of this focuses on the negative aspects of their adoptive experiences. Also the question about whether adopted kids have more truama is kind of irritating because that’s the stigma I always hear from people when asking if they would consider adoption, people say they don’t want to deal with a child that has a bunch of trauma. Of course being in foster care is extremely traumatizing and adoptive parents have to understand that and get their kids the support they may need but it just frustrates me that people considering adoption could be dissuaded by this. I’m glad someone mentioned that they met a lot of biological kids who seemed just as traumatized.
I’m an adoptee and have many adopted friends- we all have chronic illnesses and most of us are disabled. Adoption (I am speaking about adoption from birth in this comment) is inherently traumatic and there is a link between early childhood trauma and chronic illness. I was also severely abused by my adoptive guardians my entire life. My doctors believe my illnesses are so severe because of this abuse. So many people believe that adoptees should be grateful for being adopted but that’s just absolute buIIshit. I never asked for this and my adoptive guardians abused me horrifically. I, and many of my adopted friends, would have preferred to have been aborted. And I don’t care if that makes you uncomfortable. Adoption is not a good alternative to abortion. We need comprehensive reproductive care, including legal and easily accessible to abortion for all. If we could go back in time I would have preferred that my Mom chose abortion or kept me, but if she was going to put me up for adoption then I would have wanted to be aborted- and I’ve told her this. I met my parents when I was 17 and they are now fully part of my life, as well as all of my siblings. I have absolutely no positive feelings about adoption, whatsoever. It has completely ruined my life and I would absolutely rather have not existed at all.
I love hearing about what other transracial adoptees go through. Im chinese and have white parents and i feel so disconnected from my culture. I know some other people who are adopted who had tutors for their languages or celebrate their culture’s holidays every year. For me, there was a lot more connection when i was younger and we listened to some chinese kid songs and we celebrated chinese new years once, but i never learned chinese and have always struggled with my identity. Its nice to know that others feel the same way So glad Mattea, Eli, and Ben were part of this, they made some great comments that i related to as an asian adoptee. Thank you to everyone for sharing your experience
Has anyone ever grown up in a “very Christian” home and found that to impact them positively? I’m not saying this to judge anyone – it just seems like I hear a lot of narratives where there’s sort of a negative tone surrounding a (conservative) Christian upbringing. Whereas I grew up in that environment too, although I’m not an adoptee so I’m not talking about that specifically, and I never resented it. While I agree with my parents about some things and disagree about others, I’m incredibly thankful for the Christian upbringing and it’s something I would want for my future kids. But hearing other people, adoptees or not, talk about how their upbringing was damaging is kind of terrifying me to the point where I question if I want to have kids because I wouldn’t want to raise them “the wrong way” and risk them resenting me for that.
As a transracial international adoptee, I decided to follow along, with little to no additional context 1. Somewhat disagree 2. Disagree, there are conversations about race that can be opened. 3. Disagree, my brother would make many jokes tho 4. Disagree Also, unlike some of the participants in this episode, I have no interest in finding my biological family. I have no ill will towards my biological family but I also have no draw.
I adopted my Native American son when he was eight; at the time, he was my husband’s cousin’s son (I later divorced my husband). He was a young boy who needed a loving mum, and as a mother of one who had fostered many children, I wanted another child. We’re currently estranged for reasons I don’t fully understand, which breaks my heart. He’s my son, full-stop, and always will be. I saw the child and fell in love with him, not the colour, not the race. It can be a very touchy subject, and nature vs. nurture is a very real dynamic faced by these lovely individuals. I’m grateful for their sharing their experiences. Enlightening.
I met my sister when she was four, she’s sixteen now. Never had I looked at her and thought anything other than “that’s my sister”. She is a extremely strong person who has gone through so much, I am very proud of her for that. I regret that we as a family did not continue to indulge in her culture as we did when she first came home. We are very comfortable poking fun at eachother, and it has been a way we as siblings can acknowledge our differences, her being Ethiopian and us being white Canadians. Which is why it annoys me so much when people make a big deal out of jokes, jokes that our relationships as siblings were built on. Not everyone needs the same thing. Don’t apply what worked for you to everyone around you, it comes off as preachy and dishonest. Just my two cents
White saviorism referred to adoption seems a little bit weird, and frankly a but annoying. I think it’s connected to the fact that these people are mainly from the us, and so the discourse is centered on the west as if “western countries” are the only places were adoption exist. but it automatically erase the possibility that children adopted by non-white parents, either in the us or in other countries, may have to go through the same difficulties.
It is insane how much money we spend on our military here when we have so many children in horrific circumstances. This has to change. The foster are system needs so so much more funding than it has to properly take care of these children. Anti-abortion people need to start caring about the child after it’s born.
The thing is, I feel like crys’s nurture actually affected them more than they feel like. There’s two directions you can go with hyper conservative parents, u either conform, or u run the other direction. Being adopted into a situation like that prolly gave them guidance into what they don’t want, n inadvertently affected many decisions theyve made in their lives.
There’s absolutely no problem with it. But it comes down to the intentions. Lots of white people tend to adopt POC because of the “aesthetic” of like Ben said White Savorism with them thinking they’re being diverse. When adopting POC you should 1. Make sure you’re educating yourself and them on their culture. 2. Surround them or put them in an environment here and there that has people that LOOK like them. 3. Educate them that their identity is part of who they are and they should have no reason to hate it or discard it
I thought the statement of adopted kids being more screwed up than biological kids was incredibly ignorant to ask. And I was honestly upset that so many of them agreed. Suffering is not a contest. I would never invalidate other people’s suffering or claim that I have had it worse as a fact. That’s just wrong. I regularly have to do the opposite, because people compare themselves to me and invalidate their own experiences as not being as bad or impactful even though they have issues as well. Neglect and abuse comes in many forms. And each person will react differently to them.
While love, genuine care and nurturing should be at the forefront of any adoption, acknowledging, considering and taking serious account of how racial and cultural differences also need to be addressed appropriately and equally in a transracial adoption, and in the family’s/adoptee’s lives throughout and beyond. Fr fr.
That one guy who said he grew up in Denver and called it not very diverse didnt grow up in Denver. Maybe he lived in another city and judt says denver as a generalization, but I think its like 49% of the people in Colorado are not from Colorado. Edit: A quick google search says Colorado is actually 42% Native. So that would mean its gone up to 58% from the 49% when I was younger.
I liked the episodes that were guess who isnt black. The one with the men was where a white guy wasnt voted out at all. He was adopted by black parents as a baby. The other was for women and it was an asian girl who was adopted by black military parent’s, she was voted out after a few rounds though. Both great episodes.
Adoptee here, I am of the opinion that family preservation should always remain the priority as in the majority of cases it is in the adoptees’ best interest. If family preservation is not possible, it is still important for adoptees to be raised by parents of the same race. But with those opinions in mind, my most important statement to make is that IF YOU ARE NOT AN ADOPTEE, LISTEN TO ADOPTEES BEFORE YOU SPEAK. We have been advocating for decades and our voices continue to be drowned out by adoptive parents, hopeful adoptive parents and even just everyday people who want to be a part of the conversation. Look at the comment section of this article for evidence. If you are a non-adoptee, you grew up with privileges that adoptees did not have access to. Genetic mirroring, your original birth certificate, secure attachment with your parents et cetera. It’s easy to say the love of an adoptive parent heals all when you can’t actually understand the challenges adoptees face in life and haven’t felt what it’s like to supposed to love a virtual stranger as if they are your closest genetic relative. It is not always easy. LISTEN. No need to rush to get your hot takes out there.
Wow makaylas story is almost identical to mine. I was adopted 2 hours after i was born, to a single white woman, found my mom on classmates and put her married name in myspace. I was 30 though. I have 3 brothers and a sister and im the oldest. When i found my mom i was instantly connected to my dads side too and his side is huge. I started getting migraines from being overwhelmed. It was awesome but just a lot to process in a short period of time lol
I wasn’t adopted but i am mixed and i grew up being raised by a single white mother so i definitely understand how they feel alittle bit. I didn’t meet my dad or his side of the family until i was 24. I used to struggle with things people would say to me having a white mom and she would try her best to comfort me but can never fully understand because she can’t experience the same thing. Plus my oldest brother is fully white and my other brothers are mixed so people used make rude comments when we would go out as a family. I hope everyone in this episode though has new understanding and find peace within themselves and have happy lives.
Crys, Ben, Noura, and Prodigee seem like folx I could reallly vibe and heal with. Even tho I’m white and non-adopted, I grew up in a divorced and mixed family and a lot of their sentiments and experiences echoed to some of my experiences. Great episode from Jubilee, and Super glad that the cast called out that weird question at the end. Great group, mostly great questions. <3
I think the reason why ppl in the comments section are arguing over the last question is because the debate was about transracial adoption and so asking about nature vs. nurture makes it seem like a eugenics-based question, when race is currently widely regarded as a social construct (i.e. developed through societal morés and structures, not hereditary or biological). I think whoever came up with the question probably was thinking about the adoption part of this debate, and not the race part of the debate.
I wasn’t adopted and can’t even begin to imagine having parents who aren’t African American like me. If I were to adopt one day, I would hope to raise entirely African or African American children who resemble me (melanin, afro-textured hair, etc.) because I want them to have the same sense of community I had growing up. I love the fact that Ben came prepared with those specific stats! Those were some eye-openers as far as considering both general and transracial adoption for me. 💯 Also, I think based on these adoptees responses, the answer to this question is no (which is interesting given that they had European parents from different places or in a unique family dynamic).😅
I’m biracial black/white and adopted at birth by white parents. Biologically I’m black (more white than black according to DNA) but culturally I’m 100% white. I’m usually told by white people that I’m “not like those OTHER blacks” I was the youngest, the only girl, and the only one of my siblings that was adopted and brown. I was completely isolated from black culture and at 55 still didn’t know how or what to do with my frizzy & unruly hair. My mother told me that I was white growing up & only put me in situations in which blacks were portrayed as being untrustworthy, uneducated, poor, & someone I wouldn’t want to be. I can relate to everything these people are saying & it’s so complicated that it’s difficult to explain. They’re the only ones that know and understand how I feel. That sense of isolation and not fitting in with your family. Constantly wanting to have a familial bond with someone & when you find your bio family they’re complete strangers. I thought I was protected from racism only to realize that my mother is racist and had the nerve to tell me that blacks even SMELL different than whites. You can’t imagine how confused I was with my brown skin and nappy Afro.
can we not pretend like white people are the only ones who adopt kids of another race and fail to expose them to their biological family’s culture/ethnicity? because this can happen when poc parents adopt kids of another race, too (i have a friend who experienced exactly this). there are plenty of responsible white adoptive parents out there who worked very hard to make sure their kids didn’t lose touch with their cultural roots, just as we saw some mention in the article. but honestly even if they didn’t, it is by far better to have been adopted by stable, responsible, loving parents regardless of their race who never introduced their poc kid to their roots, than to not have been adopted at all and get kicked around the foster system and then kicked out and abandoned at 18. imagine if the question being posed was “should people of color be allowed to adopt xyz race?” love it when things that would be incredibly racist/prejudiced if said about any other race is said about white people and no one blinks an eye as if that kind of behavior is perfectly okay. a clue: it’s still gross.
I’m a foster and adoptive parent and reading the comments has been scary. I’m Black and so are my littles. I encourage people truly interested in transracial adoption to PLEASE listen to TRA/TRIA because many not all will tell you how important having racial and/or cultural mirror was/would have been to shaping their own identity. My kids are Black as am I so there’s more racial similarities (hair, skin) but I make sure that I put adoptee voices front and center to learn and know what to expect when my kids get older. I also don’t expect them to be grateful we adopted them. As one of the adoptees in this article said how do you repay something that is immeasurable? That is a huge burden and one we wouldn’t automatically impose on children in their first families. This was an informative article and I look forward to perusal JoyRide. EDIT: I’m not against transracial adoption, but feel that anyone looking to do it educate themselves on trauma and not rely solely on love.
Well this was an interesting topic but there is one that you did not explore. All these adoptees are what society considers minorities. It would have been interesting to have had a white person who was adopted by a black family or of some other race. Would their perspective be different? That’s why I wish you would have had someone that was from that situation
Those Asian guys talking about people calling them banana (yellow out side, but white inside) and “Not really Asian”. Pfft…. I am a first generation immigrant and I still got called those growing up. I guess maybe it hurts a bit more because of your background, however letting others define who you are is ALL teenager’s weakness.
I’m a white american. my first boyfriend was chinese/mayan who was adopted by a white family. i really tried to convince him to reach out to his birth mother when he had the chance but he didn’t take it. as a whole, it seems like he has struggled so much in his life. and despite the people he’s hurt in the process, including me, i do feel bad for him and hope he can find peace and his identity. i remember feeling so shocked when he described that he convinced himself he ‘had to be white’ as a child’.
It’s weird hearing all of the issues some of these adoptees had. I know someone who was adopted, 1 of 3 by a single mom. They all turned out fine. I think a big part of it is how the parent(s) had them view their adoptions. They never thought they were a product of white savior necessarily. They were pretty open about it with everyone and no one ever gave a crap. They did deal with racism especially in their younger years and more subtly but I don’t think that’s a product of being adopted, look more to the source (who) of the racism. in summary I think it’s more of the parents instillation of what being adopted means.
So i think it’s very important if you’re going to adopt a child that is not the same race or culture as you that you teach them and immerse them in their culture as much as you can. Stop being a savior and “color blind” nd live in reality and teach these children about who they are. Unfortunately everyone in this country isn’t nice. Shoutout to the Chinese girl’s parents for trying their best to teach her about her culture. Like even teaching them a native language if they are from another country who’s native tongue isn’t English is important.
i am a colombian adoptee who was adopted in to a white jewish family. we have always been proud of my adoption, as i was adopted in a time where colombia is not a stable area and very much not safe. my parents raised me to be colombian, but also jewish and i am so grateful that they did. unlike some, i have no interest in finding my birth parents, as they were not the ones who raised me, my parents were.
Nature is what we are born with, our genetic makeup. It includes our physical characteristics, such as our height, hair color, and eye color, as well as our personality traits, such as our intelligence, temperament, and predisposition to certain diseases. Nurture is the environment in which we grow up, the people we interact with, and the experiences we have. It can shape our personality, our values, and our beliefs. It can also influence our health, our educational attainment, and our career choices. In short, nature is our blueprint, and nurture is the builder. The two work together to create who we are.
I’m not adopted, but as a mixed person who grew up in the US around a predominantly white culture I relate to many of these statements. People have assumed I’m adopted before and wouldn’t believe who my parents are because I don’t look like them. I feel like I have no culture, like yes I’m half Indian (the country not Native American) but I don’t relate to other Indians because that’s not the culture I’ve been raised with but I also don’t feel white because of the way I look. I don’t fully fit in to either side of it. My dad immigrated here and when we go back to visit his family I still stick out as I do here. There isn’t a community here for me to connect with and only one of my parents has the culture. I know a couple other asian families but both parents are asian and the kids know some of the language because they’ve heard their parents speak it.
I think it’s disgusting the disrespect these spoiled brats show towards their parents. It’s sad that victimhood is a competition. The unconditional love their parents have is twisted and perverted that’s then vocalized in this article. These people are empty shells of potential. I guess the only thing their parents didn’t give them was a spine…
Nitpick but Nicaraguan, Honduran and Salvadoran are not races. They’re nationalities, of neighboring countries within Central American at that. Unless Prodigee’s adopted parents are racially white Latinos or afro-Latinos (not super common for Salvadorans who are generally racially Mestizo), he’s not a transracial adoption. Glad he mentioned that it is a trans-cultural experience. Appreciated everyone’s perspectives too.
In the 50’s my dad’s family fostered infants, most of whom were born drug addicted. They had them for 2 weeks-2 months while the babies detoxed. One boy stayed for 2 YEARS. They fell in love with him. My dad, who was a teen at the time, thought of him as his brother. My grandma approached the agency and asked to adopt him. He was immediately, like that day, removed from the house (while my dad and his siblings were at school) and they never saw or heard of him again. It was devastating and my grandparents stopped fostering after that. The agency removed him because he was black and my family was white and trans racial adoptions were actively not allowed at that time. I can’t imagine how traumatizing and damaging that action was to the little boy who was removed from the only home and family he had ever known, because of race.
People should foster (without pay) instead of adopt. Adoption strips away a child’s identity and supplants it. If we truly want to benefit children we should do everything we can to help their bio parent so that they don’t have to have their child taken or feel like they need to give up their child. That would serve the child more. Poverty is a big issue and causes most of the reasons children end up needing to be adopted. Even without fostering, there are many options better than adoption that better serve children. Adoption by a stranger should be the 2nd to last option. Adoption by a stranger of a different race should be the absolute last option.
the guy at 3:50 sounds like he’s describing what we call in South Africa “Black Tax” where many are often compelled to provide for their families because in some way they owe it to their parents to thank them in this manner for all the sacrifices they have made to get them through school or even just taking care of them.
Everyone has their own unique adoption story. I was adopted because my mom has her own trauma where she just has to raise someone to feel valued. She never seems to notice this, but she was raising people since she was in her single digits. Also, my brothers were in high school, so they didn’t really need her anymore. As much as I love my family, the reason that they gave me for wanting to adopt was that my mom saw a tv ad championing adoption in China, then got constant dreams and feelings for the lord to adopt. Even though I do believe in parts of my religion, I really don’t think that it has anything to do with the dreams. At least one of my brothers got to skip school and instead got hit on by a bunch of Asian women! 😁
a parent shouldnt make you feel like you owe them or need to pay them back. you have to ask yourself if thats coming from a place of trauma because your biological parents threw you away because in these situations they did. A chinese girl adopted out internationally was thrown away by her own race and culture simply because she was not born male. Its a hard thing to deal with knowing that the people who were supposed to love you most in the world didnt and its also a complex situation with growing up being raised by people who are not your biological parents who may not always understand your needs.
That’s freaking sad that there’s such a thing as a “white saviour” mindset. I’ve really been thinking into foster to adopt because of my childhood trauma and not wanting other children to go through it. I’m mixed grew up in a white household but I’m also indigenous. For me I would adopt any child regardless of race, as someone who knows what it’s like to not know my language, culture etc. I would want my own children to know their history, their culture because it’s important, it’s who they are, where they come from.
I am sorry that Crys had the need to let go (at least partially) of Polish culture. I am Polish myself and even tho traditionally our country used to be Christian, not everyone is. Many of us are not that strictly religious and therefore I don’t think Polish culture should be utterly equalized with Christianity. There are many other amazing aspects of Polish culture, so please don’t discourage yourself totally. Hopefully you can meet Poles with different perspective than your parents to see their perspective as well!
I’m 100% in favor of this. Often in the cases of transracial adoption the adoptees are coming from a place (or a country) where they would be facing a bleak future. Things may not be perfect in the new home but they are usually going to new parents who can at least provide a comfortable life for them. A few of the kids here talked about their parents not being able to conceive on their own and I think that adopting an orphaned child is so much better than engaging in some kind of weird artificial fertilization (which I’m against because it’s creating and destroying life in the quest to get a baby).
So are they saying if given a choice between no adoptive parents or white adoptive parents they would rather have no loving parents because they aren’t the same race? Sounds kinda racist if you ask me! We’re constantly told that ” we’re all the same” and yet it’s a huge deal if white parents adopt anything other than white! Ironic because if a group of white people said they ONLY wanted to adopt white children they would be accused of racism for not wanting a child of a different ethnicity, yet when they do adopt a racially different child they are being attacked for it 😂😂😂