Parents’ involvement in their children’s schooling is linked to their academic success, but few studies have examined how parents implement academic involvement activities. A Stanford-led study by education professor Jelena Obradović found that too much parental involvement can increase a child’s confidence, build a closer bond between parent and child, and increase the chances of the child being a good student. The research also focused on parents’ motivations for involvement, which include an active role construction for involvement (parents believe they should be involved).
Overparenting, or helicopter parenting, is associated with many child issues, including disrupted mental health. Academic pressure caused by excessive parental educational involvement can discourage children’s learning interest and motivation to pursue scholarly pursuits. Overly involved parents tend to grant insufficient autonomy to their children, leading to low self-esteem and little self-respect. Research results indicate that parental involvement in children’s education matters for their achievement, motivation, and wellbeing at school.
However, pressure can also stem from children themselves, as parental resources required to support children’s needs are more easily depleted when children are passively engaged. Parental involvement in youth’s learning varies as youth progress through school, and Hoover-Dempsey and Sandler’s model suggests that parents’ involvement is motivated by two belief systems: role construction for involvement and self-regulation. When parents are involved in their children’s schooling, students show higher academic achievement, school engagement, and motivation.
📹 How can we encourage parents to be more involved in their children’s education?
Dr. Maria Kambouri (Associate Professor in Early Childhood Education and Care, University of Reading’s Institute of Education) …
What causes overbearing parents?
The phenomenon of controlling parents can have a variety of origins, whether rooted in past adverse experiences or the assumption that such parenting styles will yield beneficial results. The impact of controlling parenting on adult children can be multifaceted, with some parents seeking to prevent negative outcomes and others striving to foster positive outcomes.
What is an overly involved parent?
Helicopter parenting is a form of over-parenting where a parent is involved in their child’s life in a way that is over-controlling, over-protecting, and over-perfecting. The term was first used in Dr. Haim Ginott’s 1969 book Between Parent and Teenager, where a teen reported being watched over like a helicopter. Carolyn Daitch, PhD, director of the Center for the Treatment of Anxiety Disorders near Detroit, explains that helicopter parents typically take too much responsibility for their children’s experiences and successes or failures.
What are 5 factors that influence parenting?
Parenting style is influenced by various factors such as cultural backgrounds, socio-economic variables, personal characteristics, psychological factors, and demographic characteristics like age, gender, education, place of residence, and family income. Psychological factors include mental status, self-efficacy, parenting stress, perfectionism, personality traits, childhood trauma, marital satisfaction, parents’ attachment style, perceived parenting style, substance abuse, child developmental and mental disability, child temperament, and anxiety.
Demographic characteristics of parents, such as age, gender, education, place of residence, and family income, are significantly linked with parenting behavior and predict their children’s adjustment, development, and school achievement. It is recommended to include an assessment of parent-child psychological status in family programs to identify child-oriented care needs and develop parenting skills.
What are the effects of parents being too involved in their children’s lives?
Helicopter parenting is a harmful approach that can lead to low self-esteem and confidence in children. This is because the child believes their parents will not trust them if they do something independently, resulting in a lack of self-esteem and confidence. This over-involvement deprives children of the opportunity to be creative, problem solve, develop coping skills, build resilience, and figure out what makes them happy. While this may lead to short-term gains, it also conveys the implicit message that they cannot do anything without their parents.
Immature coping skills and low frustration tolerance can disadvantage children in the workforce. When parents are always there to prevent problems or clean up mess, children can never learn through failure, disappointment, or loss. They miss out on the opportunity to learn valuable life lessons from their mistakes, contributing to their emotional intelligence.
When overparented children face new situations in college, they may struggle to handle disagreements, uncertainty, hurt feelings, or decision-making processes. It is crucial for parents to consider the underlying message they are conveying to their children and ensure they are equipped to handle these challenges effectively.
What is the rushing parent syndrome?
The phenomenon of Hurried Child Syndrome can be defined as a condition whereby parents engage in the practice of over-scheduling their children’s lives, exerting pressure on them for academic success, and expecting them to behave in a manner that is akin to that of miniature adults. This results in the children being subjected to the same levels of pressure that their parents exert on themselves on a daily basis.
What are the factors that influence parental involvement?
The degree of parental involvement in children’s education is contingent upon a number of factors, including the parents’ own educational background, the nature of their employment, their economic status, the amount of time they are able to devote to their children, and the size of their family.
Why do parents control adult children?
It is possible that controlling parenting does not always originate from a negative place. Rather, it may have developed as a coping mechanism for parents experiencing anxiety and striving to provide the best for their children. As an adult, one has the opportunity to disrupt this pattern, thereby liberating oneself and future generations. Such an approach will not only be beneficial to the individual but will also have positive ramifications for future generations.
What creates a controlling parent?
Controlled parenting, also known as authoritarian parenting, is a behavior where one or both parents constantly monitor their children’s lives, often attempting to control their lives entirely. This behavior can cause emotional harm as children may detach from their needs unknowingly, leading to emotional distress. Some parents grow out of this behavior when their children become adults, while others can never let go.
Common factors contributing to controlling parenting include anxiety, which can lead to unhealthy ways of imparting knowledge and experiences to children, and the need for constant monitoring and strict enforcing of rules. Some parents may grow out of this behavior when their children become adults, while others may never let go.
Why do parents overcompensate?
Parents often overcompensate when they feel guilty, stressed, or tired, or because they believe setting boundaries will not work. It is crucial to have a limit-setting plan in place and revisit it regularly to help the child become independent. This plan is to trust yourself as a parent and to help the child become independent by setting boundaries and not overcompensating. It is also important to trust that the child can become independent. This can be achieved by recognizing the child’s strengths and weaknesses, setting boundaries, and allowing them to grow and develop.
What are the six types of parent involvement?
The act of parenting entails the provision of assistance to families in the formation of nurturing domestic environments for children, particularly in their capacity as students. The promotion of communication, volunteering, learning within the domestic sphere, the exercise of decision-making abilities, and the facilitation of collaboration with the broader community represent additional avenues through which children may be supported.
What is an overly involved parent of adult children?
Overbearing parents often interfere in their adult children’s lives, offering advice on topics such as romantic partners, careers, and parenting. To avoid this, explain your dislike for discussing these topics politely and express your love for them. Repeat this request several times before your parent catches on.
If your parent contacts you repeatedly, explain that you won’t interrupt your activities to answer calls or texts and offer a few good times for conversation. This is a crucial first step in rebalancing the relationship, which may feel uncomfortable at first but will become empowering over time.
If a parent’s message seems like an emergency or request for essential information, respond as quickly as possible. Overbearing parents often push until they get their way, chipping away at a person’s vulnerabilities until they eventually give in. To prevent this, establish a firm boundary and hold to it. Be confident in your boundaries and understand why you need to do so. This will help you communicate and hold the boundary when potential attempts at overbearing increase.
📹 Are Helicopter Parents Ruining a Generation?
Initially, helicopter parenting appears to work,” says Julie Lythcott-Haims, author of How to Raise an Adult. “As a kid, you’re kept …
Growing up i was unable to hang out with friends outside of school because of my parent’s fear of their male relatives and friends, plus it was a hassle to bring me when it messed up their busy schedules. (Not to mention they didn’t trust anyone else driving me) This made me really depressed and my social skills dropped to rock bottom. I became a hermit not by choice and i thought it was better not to make friends if I couldn’t see them. I deleted my snapchat because I was jealous of the places my peers were going to and that I couldn’t be a part of it. I have a lot of social anxiety now-a-days because of my parents’ overprotectiveness.
My mother is a helicopter parent. She’s one of those people that always has to monitor me and thinks that I’m too young and ignorant to make the right decisions in the big scary world. I’m constantly butting heads with her because I want to do things my way or be independent. I know that she means well and only wants to keepe safe, but I know that I can’t be in her bubble forever, and I don’t want to be. She’s not going to control my life forever, because I’m going away for college in the fall, and I’m going to study for a profession I chose, make my own decisions, and take responsibility to my actions.
As someone who is raised by helicopter parents, it’s a complete nightmare to live with them even through adulthood. I’m currently in my early 20s living with my parents and they still feel like they need to hold my hand or bring me along which aggravates me a lot. Hopefully moving out in the near future, I’ll finally be able to escape this torture.
For future parents out there planning to have kids, PLEASE do not be like my helicopter parent mom. Your kids will be too dependent on you and they won’t ever learn how to do things on their own, talking from my own experience. Let your kids explore and make mistakes because they’re opportunities to learn. My parents shielded me from everything bad in the world. As a young child sure that’s nice, but now as a teenager I’m no where near ready for the adult world.
this is very important for parents to understand. My parents weren’t helicopter parents with me, but they really are with my brother. they don’t let him do anything or take responsibility for anything. Parents if you’re reading, please let your kids make their own decisions sometimes and don’t always control their lives.
Glad my parents actually had me learn how to do things on my own. I’m 19 and going to move out soon, and I have friends in their early 20’s who have no plans of moving out anytime soon, because they’re legitimately incapable of doing so. To them, moving out would be like tossing a kid who can’t swim into the deep end and saying “figure it out”. They don’t know how to manage money and they are always broke somehow, yet they don’t pay a single bill. We have a generation who don’t know how to fend for themselves. It’s going to be up to those who know how fend for themselves to carry or help those who cannot. I don’t think it’s possible to do that, I’m worried we’re gonna have a generation of mediocrity, some may argue we already do.
I’m in highschool. There are still kids that get their lunch or homework driven to school if they forget to pack it. My parents never did that from 5th grade up. If I don’t pack my stuff, I have to live with the consequences. I now 17 year-olds that don’t have to pack their bags themselves entirely, there mom’s do it for them. But also this is in many ways an American problem. I live in Germany and when I visited my aunt in the US a couple years ago (I was seven) strangers on the street or in the mall would come up to my parents asking “is this your kid?”, “Please have an eye on your kid.” and even telling them that they were irresponsible for letting me run around or walk a couple feet in front of them. That was around a time when in Germany I was riding my bike to school every day alone (about 5 km), going into the woods with children my age or taking the bus into town to eat ice cream without supervision. I recently have seen an article where American parents got into trouble because they let their first graders walk home from school unsupervised. In Germany this is normal, all my friends did the same, noone cared, noone died.
Yea I agree with this my parents were over protective with me. They wouldn’t let me stay after school, do after school activity, get a part time job, and wouldn’t teach me how to drive because they would say “Oh what if something happened to you baby girl” they wanted to cuddle me from the world but for some reason they let my little sister do anything which they did the whole favoritism thing.
There are kids in my grade that dont know how to operate a washing machine. Most dont know how to wipe down and clean a table. Most dont know how to sweep. I know i kind of hate doing chores, but when i see the kids at my school “wipe” (wipe as in lazily drag the cloth across the table once, in a line, not even getting any bits of food or stains) the lunch table, and “sweep” the floor, it makes me appreciate my mother making me clean.
As a gen-Xer, my favorite thing was being a “latchkey kid” when my parents divorced. I was essentially raising myself from 3PM until 7 or 8 when my dad or mom got home. Cooked my own food; sought my own entertainment. Which was a BIG reason why I was able to be quasi-independent as a high-schooler: went to school; worked a job I found; came home to eat dinner and sleep. Not all my decisions were great (probably should have waited beyond 13 to start my drinking career), but I managed. Kids today seem like “overgrown infants.”
I know a woman who was such a helicopter parent that she didn’t even see that her child had off-the-charts ADHD. She said she wanted to be the perfect parent, and in her mind that meant that her child would never have a moment alone. Either she or her husband had to be “interacting” with the kid at all times. Once the kid started going to school, it was clear to everyone that this had been a mistake — everyone except mom. Her child has been held back 3 times in his first 4 years of school.
my mum’s a helicopter parent … she used to clean and cook but she never expected me to intervene much. all I learnt was I saw her often chop and cook things and that all I needed to do was to ask her certain questions about cooking and cleaning when I was ready to leave home. it’s mainly having common sense, following instructions on the packaging and having the confidence to just go for it. I don’t understand how some people my age have a ton of social confidence yet none when it comes to domestic life
I grew up with a scared mother who put out her anxiety on her children. It comes from a good place, but it’s so hard to watch your friends being helicopter parents to their children because I know how terrible it is when you are an adult and you are stuck with all these insecurities because you never were able to make mistakes and make choices and to be scared and to not be able to trust yourself. It’s hard because you have to do the work then as an adult and its much harder when you are an adult and it can even distroy your relationship with your parents. We have to stop putting our family trauma onto our children. It has to stop with us and we have to work on that and not just accept that this is how we are. But it’s not only parents also in kindergarten kids are so highly entertained, that kids have a hard time doing nothing or using their imagination to invent games or plays with what they have. They seem to always need someone else to entertain them. It’s sad.
This is exactly why I’m so happy for the way I raised. My parents didn’t give a crap about my upbringing at all, they were terrible people. So I essentially had to raise myself. Doing so, meant that I grew up fast. And here I am at 23 years old I own a house, couple vehicles, moved across the country, have a well paying career, and a beautiful wife. I know plenty of people my age and older who don’t have a single one of those things.
I had one helicopter parent. The other one was less so and helped cancel a lot of her ridiculous rules out. As a result: my relationship with one parent was great and the other one wasn’t. One I could talk to and the other one I couldn’t. Wanna take a guess as to which parent my relationship was better with? whispers Not the helicopter parent.
Having raised one generation and now perusal that generation raise another, I’ve observed that the biggest problem is the unmoderated protection of self-esteem, which teaches children their worth has nothing to do with what they accomplish, or are capable of accomplishing. Then they’re in for a rude awakening when they reach adulthood, and are often unprepared, incompetent and unable. Yes, you can become anything you believe you can become, but there’s more to it than that. Much more. The key for parents (and educators, and trainers, and employers, and others of influence) is to consistently reward only desirable behavior (desirable not just to the parents, but to all of society). It is most crucial to consistently withhold those rewards when undesirable behavior is shown. Lots of helicopter parents are too weak to do that, as they equate love for their children (and some others) with niceness toward them. Children know that love has more to do with strength (but not abusive strength!) than with niceness. Kids test their parents on their strength, and they take advantage of parents that fail the test. That doesn’t mean that children prefer weak parents!
They never listen to criticism of their parenting ways and always believe in their delusion of doing good. I witnessed one parent letting his toddler walk on her own feet without holding her hand but supervising her at the back. That is good parenting not helicopter parenting. Let your kid fall down and get back up themselves. I had my parents accompany me to work for my first part time job. It was humiliating, disrespectful and disgusting. It hurts me but they never listen when they are confronted with their own mistakes and bad parenting methods. Set healthy boundaries with your child and not get overinvolved. They always use this phrase: ‘All I did was for your own good.’ to justify helicopter parenting. I had my mum crying when I told her the issues I have with her parenting ways. My criticism of her helicopter parenting hurt her so badly and it would sour any relationship you can have with your kid.
This is not a generational issue and this is not the majority of parents in the whole world. Even if we’re talking about the future generations of America, we’ll be fine. People with hovering parents can still grow into contributing members of society. We still of course need reform in our education system as well as better parenting. Beating your child and keeping them isolated and coddled both make your child unequipped for the real world. Too many people go to the extremes.
My mother is a complete control freak over my siblings and my life. She controlled my social life during school and didn’t let me have sleepovers until 10th grade. She made me feel inadequate in school when I didn’t get great grades and persuaded me to go to college (dropped out after 2 years) even when I was a terrible student in highschool… Now I have 0 self-esteem and feel like a complete failure most days, and I probably couldn’t survive alone at 21 without my parents’ assistance. It’s rough, parents need to give their children independence.
Yeah, as a first child I had some pretty strict helicoptery parents that probably sheltered me and my brother way too much as children. Now we both live completely separate, isolated lives, mostly in front of screens, where neither of us talks to hardly anyone ever (including family) and we (probably) have fairly serious undiagnosed mental health problems like depression and social anxiety. Fortunately they seemed to learn from their mistakes with us, so at least our younger sisters got relatively normal childhoods and seem to have developed into regular functional adults.
I knew someone who had a helicopter dad (she was a junior in high school just for reference), her dad wouldn’t let her walk to the bus stop which was super close to her house so the bus had to pick her up in front of her house, this was all because she got off at the wrong bus stop one day and she found her way home easily but I guess her dad is paranoid as heck, she wasn’t allowed internet access and apparently her dad checked her school chrome book to see if she used it for anything other than school work like listening to music or something, I never saw her go outside her house once and it didn’t look like they owned any bikes or outdoor stuff in general, she also said stuff that was just a bit concerning in general like having to sleep on a broken bed because her dad broke it and he wouldn’t let her throw the bed frame away so she had to hold it up with legos, also she wasn’t allowed to have pictures took of herself so every time in the lunchroom when students were recording themselves around her she would go up to them and basically harass them to make sure she wasn’t in the picture, one last thing is that she said her dad isn’t ever gonna let her move out and that he wants her to live with him until the day he dies, she’s moved away since then and she’s a senior in high school now so I hope things are going well for her
This parenting is horrible, you can’t put a blindfold over your kids eyes and expect them to be perfect after you take it off, they haven’t even SEEN the world yet because you blocked it off, kids need to know how disgusting and horrible this world is and how it can punch you down and kick you on the ground, all they know is “where is my parents to do this, I need help”
Im in 8th grade. Some of my peers say they still have their parents wash their clothes and pack their lunches and stuff for them. It baffles me. Of course i rely on my mom alot in the mornings but i’m able to prepare everything myself if need be. And ive been washing my own clothes since like, grade 3
My dad, ex baby sister and my teacher are so disappointed becuz i have changed to be more independent and socialable they said “you are not cute anymore. always play with your friend, not family, im so disappointed! I like more when you are so spoiled! No body want an independent girls!! Disgusting!” Meanwhile i hangedout with my friend just once amonth. Im so glad now im orphaned.!!
Helicopter parenting was a reaction to latchkey kids that went too far in the other direction. Society came to the realization that leaving kids to raise themselves was a bad thing, sure they could cook a meal and clean a house and gained parenting skills at the age of 11, but also were sometimes ending up in jail due to vandalism, drinking, smoking, doing drugs ect.
I sometimes wonder about how previous generations (like me, Gen X) had at least one parent mandated to be in the military. How that affects parenting?? Lol. My father was in the marines. We were expected to get over fears, take risks, and he’s wake us up at like 6 ripping the covers off and singing that good morning horn song. But seriously….I think that changed people.
As a child that was allowed to fail (sometimes a bit too much if im being honest), I find myself much more self sufficient than my fiancé who was raised by helicopter parents. He struggles greatly with decision making, as he’s so afraid of failing at anything that he constantly has to ask anyone if he’s doing it right. We’re in our 30s. That being said, helicopter parenting is becoming much more prevalent. How can we expect this generation to handle things when we’re gone if we don’t teach them how to advocate for themselves?
I honestly believe this is one of the biggest reasons there are so many guys of my generation that stay virgins and that can’t find any women because their mothers raised them into being the very kinds of guys that their younger selves would never be with, yet somehow expect that their sons will automatically find someone. Overprotective parenting isn’t healthy but it is especially detrimental for sons. One of the worst things you can do to your son is to be overprotective.
I had to be sent from a private school to a public one, and there I learned some “basic life skills”. Unfortunately as an adult, I found out that I was transferred to a public school without my parents’ knowledge, thus their anger towards my other relatives (since they’re still getting money for private school even though public school is almost free, no tuition fees needed)… and that’s how it makes sense that they don’t let me do house chores regardless of whether I eagerly want to help them or not. … and another thing, some cousins of mine stole stuff from me and use my footwears without my permission so my childhood sucks. My parents allowed me to go out and hang out with other people when I turned 18 (the time I’m sick of hearing “NO” from them so I just stay at home most of the time, not in the mood to go out). I’m in my mid 20’s yet these teenagers are more free to roam and more familiar with places and interacting with others than me.
An entire generation of adults is already ruined- millenials. We are the children of the last leg of baby boomers. And their insistance on babying us as children so we would never rise up on our own as adults and essentially replace them- much like they did to their own parents- was a planned move. It was poorly planned. As what they expected was a dull, placated mass of adults incapable of replacing them. Instead, they made self-absorbed and stubborn children who were also simultaneously left to our own devices growing up- as those childish whims didn’t really clash with late boomers’ lives. But that left a gap in a lot of previously uncharted social territory. We were left alone by our parents, bonding more with our own generation, basically creating and clinging to the echo chamber idea. And now that we actually are the fully grown adult generation- the oldest millenials now being just a few years shy of age 40- the boomers finally want to get involved. But we’re not the little kids they could just shove off with toys. And our lack of proper parenting has left us independent only in thought, therefore making us painfully stubborn to the point of inflexibilty. We don’t want to hear that our hyper attention to modern social politics are actually as toxic as the percieved toxicity in the social politics of past generations. We don’t want to hear that maybe we need to come together with previous generations and deliberately set aside our own feelings and personal identities for the sake of actual equality.
My mother always watchs over my shoulder i can’t do one thing with out her telling me what to do im 18 years old btw with no drivers license or even a job i have a daughter amd gf amd haven’t seen my daughter in a whole month cause of my mother constily forving me to do what she wants and do it the way she wants …..
My mom is a helicopter parent. It’s gone on too long and I’m finally getting a third party involved (therapist) as she doesn’t know when to STFU. After trying so many years to get her to respect boundaries, my patience has finally dissipated. I believe this clip 100%. Helicopter parenting is counterproductive and toxic.
i always view this as a problem with the wealthy. growing up poor, my single mother had to work all the time to keep the house and us feed even getting a second job on the weekends. when she gets home she just crashes on her bed after dinner. hell its the reason why i know how to cook and am so independent, because my mom had to work all the time us kids had to pick up the second shift that is usually regulated to women. like i learned to cook cause if not we would starve. now obviously she taught us but just at first. once we got the basics we where left to take care of the house by ourselves on top of school. the thing is, this wasn’t a choice, my mom was forced to teach me how to cook so we wont starve. this was based on necessity and to get by. so i see this as misplaced good intentions that is allowed with the privilege of enough wealth that you actually had free time to be a helicopter your kids. this trend is not a defining aspect of this whole entire generation of parent, it is a marker of privilege. now as to why this has suddenly become a thing to call 25 year olds kids, i think its a mix of a horrible economic environment with a poor value for the common worker making it impossible to become finically independent and parents using the new found powers of social media to extend control over their kids as a means to prep them even more for this harsh world or more often as a method to manage the stress on a parent for raising a kid in such a daunting job market. like how back then all you had to do to get into a good school is take one ap class and get an A but now you need to take 5, get A’s in all of them to be able to maintain and graduate with the impossible 5.
Gen X here With Alpha kids. Wife and I decided to have kids later in life for a reason. We saw many Gen X become helicopter parents. I have a neighbor who did this to their kid. He is in college now. Over 20 years I have seen him with his parents walk feet from him at all times. He never had any friends. He would play in the yard all by himself. He got really overweight as a teen and would walk around with his head down and would look sad. The guy was antisocial and had issues. I was taking to the parents and asked if he worked a job in college. They got offended and I was told why should he work a job and not concentrate on school? The kid is a looser. I see many helicopter kids in their late teens. They remind me of the kids in HS in the early 90s who were mod and dressed in black.
Soon to be parent here✋🏻Being a helicopter is one of the worst things you can do to your child. I’m personally prefer the latchkey model. Minus the not being there. What I mean is teaching them things at 14 how to use the bus and know addresses ect. If they make mistakes then teach them how to fix it.
Parents who spank their children are teaching their children to hit. All parents should pledge to never hit, slap or spank their children. Talk to them with respect and with love. Whipping children with paddles, belts, branches or any other device is “child abuse” and you should be arrested. These beatings leave big bruises. See my Facebook page “School Paddling is Child Abuse.” Dallas Morning News reported that beatings of children still go on in rural North Texas schools. 31 states have banned school corporal punishment but 19 including Texas still allow it.
My mom doesnt let me do anything i cant even go for a walk she gets mad at me just bc i dont know what i wanna become and all she does is compare me to my other cousins insult me telling me that im a failure and that theres no hope left she thinks ill get raped when i step out the house alone and its not even night time im sick and tired of her oppressing and tormenting me she even hates my interests and called me a junkie,drug addict etc just bc i hear metal music
parents act like their kids are spoilt and being ungrateful cause you spoilt them too much and giving in to them rather than making them be more disciplined and being grateful for the things that you have and they didn’t even teach us the meaning of hard work on what it really means to work hard and provide for your family one day no wonder why the young generation hate the older generation cause they blame the young people for their own problems on how spoilt the kids are and are ungrateful whose fault is that now Huh.
Technology is so fucking creepy man. My dad has an Alexa and used it to drop in on a conversation one time, he just laughed it off as a joke, like he didn’t see anything wrong with it. The worst thing is that it doesn’t stop there, there are cameras, life360, etc. It makes you into an overly paranoid person and hurts your ability to become an adult and have the freedom of being an adult. Growing up isn’t just about accepting responsibility, it’s about enjoying your freedom and accepting the consequences that come from that same freedom. I’m 19 and I’m still being treated like I was 7, it’s fucked up.
Stop arguing with teachers. Instead learn them how to do better, how to sustain frustration and how to get up and to go forward after a failure. Nowadays parents don’t do that anymore, spoil kids, bully teachers who end up resigning and we are raising a new generation of narcissistic people unable to create a family, to maintain professional and personal relationships, unable to face all the obstacles in life. When you can’t do it what do you do ? Well you end up taking alcohol, coke, violent behavior. Etc etc as parents we mustn’t forget that we are supposed to pass away before our children so our purpose is their autonomy and not our control.
Ever find irony that why for some reason Helicopter Parents tend to be more popular when infant mortality tremendously falls down compared to older times along with less children. Or will be hilarious if the said parents said, “But..but…China and Japan” (yes, they do have them, also Asian countries since I grew up in one, along with a country with the stigma against autism and mental disability), and I will respond, “Oh, they are abandoning it after having the same issues of lack of agency on their children. Sure, they do have better test scores, but also student suicide rates and not being able to adapt”.
Yeah I will say I agree with you guys there but just one question. Why the term “Helicoptor parents”. Like we have the same kinds of parents over here in our region of the world (Scandinavia FIY) but over here we call them “Curling parents” since the parents always sweep the roughness out of the way of the children and basically over protect them, meaning that they can’t tackle problems since they’ve never encountered problems growing up, having everything, again just swept out of the way so they don’t deal with it.
Is there anything I could do about this i’m a 20 year old female and my parents has taken my freedom I can’t date or go out if I do I go out for two hours I been thinking about getting a therapist or psychologist I just want someone to talk to about this I can’t Do anyhing I sneak out and they don’t know but I have no choice I been depressed they don’t know about this can someone please help 🙁
Everything is clear in this article but for one thing. A true parenting, to my mind, is not only in enabling our children ‘strike out on their own’ but in returning to us as friends with whom we will walk in life till the very end. This is what such articles usually fall short of telling. The image of ‘an all-responsible absolutely dependable successful doer’ is being promoted anyway and widely enough. Perhaps, that is why the weak and elderly parents, the weak people in general, are pushed aside and die lonesome in the old people’s homes. What cartoon should be made to promote an image of someone who is not directed at ultimate success at all costs?
It’s good and important to be independent and be able to choose what you want to do, what you want to be yet have that sense of security and emotional contact between a parent and child is important. But there will always be limitations, a tree cannot grow into a small pot, it must grow into a larger ground to view a much more wider world, where it can place it’s roots and stand tall.
Look man, this isn’t as big a deal as you think. It’s just harder on the kid when they become an adult and go off on their own and get one hell of a rude awakening when they enter the real world. Their first couple of years on their own will be shocking and difficult instead of a smooth transition. The great thing about life is that the world is cruel, dark, and full of terrors and kids with helicopter parents will just have a rougher time sucking it up. But suck it up they shall. People can adapt, and that includes when mom and dad can no longer hover.
At some point in adulthood helicopter parents will have to realize that children grow up and learn. Your kid is in their mid 20’s, they don’t need help. Not to mention the long term effects of this kind of parenting, like being more dependent on their parents for practically everything they would be able to do if they were just allowed to grow and learn. Now, I don’t know from experience and that maybe why I don’t know much about this parenting style, but it seems really overprotective and obsessive to care that much about your kid intro their early 20’s.
There is no such thing as overbearing or overprotection. It’s just paranoia and a corrupt form of fish love. It’s very obvious these ppl don’t care how the ppl they treat this way feel. It’s all about them and using you to manage their paranoia. Yet nobody does anything because you get silenced with “They do it because they love you” While they respect their dog or cat more than you because at least they get to be outside everyday.
I see this the importance of addressing this issue, but I think the scenarios here are a bit exaggerated. Kids can still learn about failure and growth even if their parents are overbearing. For example, when playing article games, sport, running for debate team etc. I don’t think you can put all the blame on parents for the irresponsibility of some kids
“Helicopter parent” is one of those typical right wing phrases, (like “moral majority” or “leaners and lifters”), that are dramatic and have a certain surface appeal but which are gross over simplifications. In Australia we’ve just been having a long Royal Commission (enquiry with quite extensive legal powers) into institutional child abuse. While some of the victims were orphans or foster children, others were school children who had loving, caring natural parents. Had the society been such that the children had been able to trust their parents more and had their parents been ready to step in (or metaphorically fly in on a chopper) to defend their children when they needed it, the Royal Commission might have been shorter and cheaper. A garbage dump’s worth of paedophiles and child abusers might have been sent to gaol right back at the time they started abusing children, thus saving other children from abuse. If you want to cut back on what might be excessive parental protection then I would suggest that you look at some of the laws that govern parents’ behaviour these days. There are some more extreme cases where parents are being charged with neglect because they let their children play outside or because they let the children walk home from school unescorted. So I am not going to castigate “helicopter parents” because that is a case of taking aim at an easy target instead of finding the real cause of a problem and then looking around for real solutions.
Kids today and some millennials: • Don’t know how to cook. • Change a lightbulb. • Can’t do their own laundry. ( By hand optional ) • Does not care about the importance of insurance. • Unaware of the advantages of putting money on the stock market. • Can’t change a car’s flat tire. • Don’t know how to jumpstart a car. • Can’t use a physical keyboard without auto correct and spell check. • Unaware of the advantages of capitalism.
It’s more categorized as snowplow parenting. They push all obstacles out of the way for their child, preventing them the opportunity to experience the growth that comes from struggle. Kids need to fail and to learn what rejection and heartbreak feels like. Learning to cope with those emotions and situations early in life prevents them from becoming overly fragile young people that many call “snowflakes”.
What comes first, the helicopter parent or the anxious, developmentally delayed, dysfunctional child? A mom’s brain is designed to respond to their baby’s cry. These mechanisms evolved for a reason. So take these merely correlational or observational studies with a grain of salt. There is no bigger target than the ones we mothers wear on our backs.
Yes and no! Helicopter parenting is a sign that the kid’s parents love them and want them to have a great life and not get hurt or bullied. But sometimes patents take it too far to the point where they won’t let their kid go out with a date in middle school or go to a varsity game which can be annoying. My mom can be like this sometimes which gets on my nerves but my dad strongly encourages me to move on with life
This is my mom. She lets my sisters be who are older and I’m 25 and she still babys me on things like this. Sometimes i always assume she learns from her whiny Abigail Folger looking “sis” of hers aka her girlfriend because she is the same way. She’ll complain if I’m swearing on FB and she says it is bad. I’m an adult so how would she know what is good and what is bad? I’ll swear if i like.
Having helicopter parents is not a good thing as in my case. I have trouble being a young adult. I wish my parents raised me to become more independent and resourceful enough to tackle the daily challenges of life. They are overly controlling to the point that they are becoming intrusive to my personal space, tastes and preferences. It also hurts that I am a discreet or closeted gay man as both especially my father is an extreme homophobe and misogynist. 😥
Don’t even gotta watch the article. Helicopter parents will ruin their children. My exs mom did everything for him and when it came time for him to be on his own he flopped. He dropped out of college because he didn’t have his mom there to hold his hand and do things for him so he dropped out because it was too hard.
I need help with something My mom makes me play the drums, I’ve asked multiple times to quit because I don’t like it,whenever I make a valid argument she always turns away and never wants to listen to me, she also never seems to want to answer my questions on why not, she always says “because I said so” and “we’ve talked about this” and I just want her to listen to me and listen to me on an equal level unlike how she always is and punishes whenever she is contested.some people please help me in the replies
My wife is the ultimate helicopter parent. She taught our kids in elementary school, then closely supervised them through high school, then strongly advised them on which college to go to, then helped them with their homework in college (to the point of buying a second set of textbooks and reading them), then helped them (including the buying of textbooks and reviewing their papers) in graduate school, and now, at this moment, is helping one daughter prepare a talk for a national professional conference. STOP BEFORE THIS HAPPENS TO YOU!
Too bad raising kids only exist for the affluent, super rich, and accidentally out of sheer boredom by the extremely poor… which the latter can’t helicopter parent themselves let alone their kids. Plutocracy! Ain’t it great! Teacher get use to it. At least you can’t take out on the poor kids, right?
really good article. i’m somewhat of a victim of helicopter parenting. as was my father and all his siblings. they only truly became independent when my grandpa died. and by they, i mean my dad. his siblings are all failures that are entirely reliant on what they inherited. They can’t grow their businesses at all. at best they’re stagnant, at worst they’re steadily losing networth. one is on the verge of losing everything (and he literally inherited upwards of 40 million bucks). and since i’m working for my father, i’m stuck in the same stupid loop. He HATED what his dad did to him and he’s doing the damn same thing to me and my siblings. it’s too funny. sometimes i think i should’ve just moved away to another city and work on something unrelated to the family business. at least for half a decade. bah, no good will come from thinking about what could have been.
Zero facts included (regarding the actually existence of said epidemic), though the ideas are great and needed “in this generation”, but that is not the way to initiate an argument. You seem to be banking on a shared disdain and opinion of “this generation” of parents. Whether you mean to taking a cheap stab at “millennials” or not, generation bashing is pitiful. Again, the points are true. You didn’t need to imply the generational idea, merely: Does helicopter parenting hurt or help? Thank you. great points, and obviously, great animation.
the whole liberal mentality is like this. its a nice idea, there are good intentions but everyone is forgetting the yin and yang of life. Without bad, we would never know what good is. Without failing, we will never know what success is. I feel like these parents are born out the parents not succeeding in their own lives. A lot of people have kids in order to have a purpose or accidentally get pregnant and then turn their kid into their purpose of life. Being a mom is the hardest job in the world mentality. Kids are also seen as a burden, the reason mom or dad left, insurance, etc. So the reasoning for parents to raise kids vary and aren’t always positive. Pets are also seen this way but at a different degree. People forget that these living, breathing things have a mind of their own and want to try, fail and learn for themselves. Wheres the fun in life if life is easy?
My mother is not an absolute helicopter parent but as I reached 18 she started to be anxious and naggy when she found out I had a boyfriend. As someone born in 1995, I had a lot of time outside our house playing with my cousins and neighbors from age 5 to 10. Mom was a mix of protective, fun with a chill personality. In middle school, she allows me to walk to school alone but one time she find out that I didn’t come home for lunch because I was fishing on a canal at noon, she would yell hard at me. I never really liked how she got angry. It was both annoying and frightening. Then one day she met a man when I was 9 years old and they gave me a half sister. I never wanted a sister but I came to fully embrace it when I reached 20 years old. Yes it took me a long time to adjust because I kept my distance and thank God they sent me away to a different city at the time they were raising my sister. I never liked seeing those three. I’ve always wanted to live my own life under my own terms. I want to go so far away but I only managed to live 2 hours away from my parents because I know they would ask for my help. In my heart I blame them because I am still dependent. Now I’m slowly selling the things that she gave me so I can return the money plus interest and live my own life not relying on what I have from her. I wish she sent me away when I was 18 and left me to fend for myself. I would have been better off without her constant supervision.
America does not lock up child predators. NEVER HAVE them alone in a populated Area. Also never have AN UNDER 12 cooking on a stove bur will ruin a child’s life completely. Check out a pediatric brain unit and you’ll see what I mean. It’s a fine line but it’s our responsibility to make sure they reach adulthood with a fully intact body, and a sharp mind.
I’m glad my mom always made sure I was independent. From a young age I was taught kitchen safety and cooking skills, so I made my meals. If I wanted clean clothes I did my laundry. If I wanted some yummy food I cooked it myself. If I wanted to go somewhere fun I had to make sure it was close enough to bike or walk. She was a hardworking busy mom and she wanted us to be self sufficient. I think it makes the transition easier, college was very easy for me, to because I’m a genius, but because I had the maturity to go around without worrying about the easy part of college, the living, cleaning, cooking part. Haven’t stayed at home for more than a week since I left for college and now I have a job and am in graduate school across the country. Planning on doing the same with my kids. My mom loved us, and she made us know it, but she says now, her greatest act of love was letting us be us, not making us be her child, but pushing us closer to adulthood.
1:53. I was mildly triggered when the irony or a article about independence gave 3 reasons why people need to be self sufficient and all 3 involved governments or charities, all of of which involve are the opposite of independence. Maybe throw in a line about “How are you going to develop the skills to become self sufficient?” or something.
Yes and no. Helicopter parents are ruining it for the ones that were not raised by one. Those who are raised with one probably had the happiest childhood and thus being able to focus on everything productive in their life rather than worrying about all the shit going on in the family unlike the other one who did not. I feel however that helicopter children are often having softer feelings and thus advocate for a more pc oriented politics, but due to the non-helicopter kids darker past it means that they need to vent more often, and they see the pc advancement as an obsticle for a reason to harass and troll about.
This is really a misrepresentation of what helicopter parenting is in terms of the way most in society see it. Nobody parents as the article portrays. Even the craziest of us don’t do that. Here is your real definition of helicopter parenting… “I don’t like having to parent so anyone who cares enough to hold their kids hand in a parking lot is a helicopter parent”