In 2021, the average family paying for childcare spent 7 of their income on the service, down from 7.5 in 2020. Families earning more also spend more on childcare, with households making $20,000 or less spending an average of $4,700 on childcare, or about 12.9 of household income. The child and dependent care credit is a tax credit that may help pay for the care of eligible children and other dependents (qualifying persons). According to the Care.com 2022 Cost of Care survey, 51 of families spent 20 or more of their annual HHI on childcare in 2021, up from 31 of families in 2019.
When child care is affordable and accessible, it can increase opportunities for parents or guardians to pursue further education or participate in paid work to earn income. At the end of February, President Joe Biden’s administration announced it would require every state to cap its co-payments so that families that receive child care financial assistance can receive it.
Even before the COVID-19 pandemic, families struggled to pay for child care. An October 2019 BPC/Morning Consult survey found that almost one-third of families who earn under $50,000 a year find it very difficult to afford childcare. On average, U.S. families spend an average of 17.8 of their income on childcare. Younger workers are more willing than older Americans to pay more for childcare.
The cost of external child care has risen by roughly 263 from 1990 to 2024, according to a KPMG analysis. In 2020, child care costs for kids younger than 5 ate up between 17 and 20 of the average American worker’s yearly earnings.
📹 “My entire paycheck goes to daycare. Should I stay home?”
Ramit Sethi of I Will Teach You To Be Rich talks to Carlos and Amanda, 36 and 28, to talk through a recurring issue in their …
What percentage of American children go to daycare?
In 2019, 59% of children aged 5 and younger not enrolled in kindergarten were in at least one weekly nonparental care arrangement, according to their parents. The majority of these children were attending a day care center, preschool, or prekindergarten (center-based care), followed by a relative (relative care) or a private home (nonrelative care). The coefficient of variation (CV) for this estimate ranges between 30 and 50%.
Center-based arrangements include day care centers, Head Start programs, preschools, prekindergartens, and other early childhood programs. Other, non-Hispanic children include American Indian/Alaska Native children and children of two or more races and not Hispanic. About 12, 594, 000 children have at least one weekly nonparental care arrangement.
The mean length of time children had in their primary care arrangement was longest for children cared for by a relative (19 months) and shortest for children in a center-based care arrangement (14 months). The most common location for children’s primary center-based care arrangement was a building of its own (42%), followed by a church, synagogue, public school, and other locations (19%).
Which country has the most expensive childcare costs?
The United Kingdom is the most expensive country in which to provide childcare for couples whose income is 67% of the average wage, with the Czech Republic and Cyprus also ranking highly in this regard. For couples whose income is at the minimum wage level, it is the second most expensive country in this regard. The Nordic countries are regarded as exemplars in the global context of childcare provision.
Is childcare in the Netherlands free?
Starting January 1, 2025, the Dutch government will cover 95% of childcare costs for working parents, making it more affordable for many parents. Working parents will no longer have to pay the entire bill in advance, only their personal contribution of 5. This change will also eliminate the risk of parents having to pay back potentially high amounts they have received.
Paying for childcare will become easier and clearer, reducing hassle for parents. This is a good first step, as both children and their parents will benefit from professional childcare. Research shows that childcare is crucial for a child’s development, with the first 1000 days being crucial for the brain’s development. Early-years childcare benefits children throughout their lives, leading to better school performance and career success.
What country spends the most on childcare?
The US spends 0. 4 of its GDP on early education and childcare, compared to 0. 8 for the average OECD country. Iceland spends more than the US, at about 1. 7 of the country’s GDP. A 2021 New York Times analysis found that the US spends roughly $500 a year per child on early childhood care, compared to over $14, 000 for the average OECD country. Cindy Lehnhoff, director of the National Child Care Association, said it would take federal government investment to balance childcare spending with other budget priorities. Additional childcare funding could have been provided through the Build Back Better legislation in 2021.
How much does USA pay for child benefit?
The American Rescue Plan has expanded the Child Tax Credit to reduce child poverty by supplementing the earnings of families receiving the credit and making it available to a significant number of new families. The credit amount was increased from $2, 000 to $3, 600 for qualifying children under 6, and $3, 000 for other qualifying children under 18. The credit was made fully refundable, allowing low-income households to receive the full credit benefit.
The credit’s scope was expanded, allowing 17-year-olds to qualify, a change from previous eligibility for children 16 and younger. Many eligible taxpayers received monthly advance payments of half of their estimated 2021 Child Tax Credit amounts from July through December 2021. Families caring for children were able to receive financial assistance on a consistent monthly basis from July to December 2021.
The full Child Tax Credit is now available to low-income families residing in Puerto Rico and the U. S. Territories for the first time, supporting their children’s development, health, and educational attainment.
How much is childcare per day in California?
Infant daycare in Los Angeles offers hourly drop-in rates of $32 per hour and daily rates of $64 per day for infants aged 18-36 months old. Toddler daycare in Los Angeles costs an average of $1, 388 per month for full-time, full-day care. Toddlers are generally cheaper than infants due to their lower need for dedicated attention and often being potty trained. Child care center websites often define toddlers as children between 18 and 36 months old.
How much money do you make running a home daycare in California?
As of August 25, 2024, the mean hourly wage for a home day care provider in California is $12. 09.
How much does the average American spend on childcare per month?
The national average weekly daycare cost in 2023 increased by 13 from $284 in 2022, resulting in nearly $1, 300 a month spent on daycare. The cost varies geographically, with Washington, D. C. spending an average of $419 per week and Arkansas at $129. However, not all families can afford to move to save money, leading some parents to make significant lifestyle changes due to high childcare costs.
Why is childcare so expensive in the US?
Child care costs are primarily due to the need for focused and nurturing staff to provide adequate attention and care for babies and toddlers. Low staff-to-child ratios, ideally 1:4 or fewer, ensure each child receives adequate attention and care. However, this also requires providers to hire more staff. Labor is the primary portion of child care budgets, and early childhood educators deserve a living wage and benefits like sick leave, vacation, and health insurance. Business owners cannot afford to lower tuition without lowering wages for staff, as children and teachers deserve more.
How much is childcare allowance in the Netherlands?
The childcare allowance is calculated based on the government’s maximum hourly rate, which starts at €9. 65 for day care and preschool and €8. 30 for after-school care from January 1, 2024. The difference between these rates and KinderRijk’s rate is for the individual’s account. The Parliament has proposed an increase in these rates, with the Ministry of Social Affairs and Employment working on an urgent amendment. The maximum hourly rates for all childcare types will be increased by 2.
95 above the current average rate, bringing day care and preschool rates to €10. 25 and after-school care to €9. 12. The Tax Authority has incorporated these adjustments into the advance payment for January 2024, and parents will receive childcare allowances starting from December 2023.
Which country pays the highest child benefit?
In 2021, Luxembourg, Denmark, and Germany accounted for the highest expenditure on family benefits per person, while Bulgaria, Greece, and Romania had the lowest. Poland, Luxembourg, and Estonia accounted for the highest share of family benefits expenditure, accounting for 8. 3% of total spending on social protection benefits. The lowest shares were found in Italy, the Netherlands, and Cyprus. Poland’s contribution to family benefits was the highest in the EU.
📹 ‘I had to quit work because childcare cost more than my salary’
A mum has told how she gave up work because the cost of childcare was more than her full-time salary. Former medical secretary …
She is emotional because she’s overwhelmed and tired, not because she’s just emotional. She carries a lot of responsibilities. If he allows her to stay home, raise the kids, manage the money I think she will be empowered, happy and less emotional. She’ll feel supported by her husband as the provider too and he will keep the role of a leader in the family (which I think he needs for his ego)
They say she is the more emotional one, but then give examples that seems extremely practical. Picking a house based on whether it is actually a good and safe place for the family to live is rational. The difference is in priorities. It seems like he is the one making the emotional decision to rush into buying a house and she is making the practical decision to continue renting because it makes financial sense in their situation with the current interest rates. He is the one who has made the irrational decision to go into debt for nice cars. Also continues to prioritize luxuries (cars, shoes, etc.) which I would class as an emotional rather than rational decision.
Amanda is amazing. She should stand up for herself, demand the respect she deserves and make things fair. She shouldn’t pay for childcare on her own. She should not feel pressured to earn more while she is clearly more invested in running her household. The husband should understand that he can’t have his cake and eat it too. If you want a traditional relationship, then be the provider!
Yeah, so she is paying groceries and childcare. WTF, that makes no sense. She is basically covering nearly as much as him when you add those two items together, but her income is much lower. Also, he seems like what Ramit calls a “believer” – opening businesses, casino, expensive cars. That the business will be the fast ticket to wealth or something. She is much more grounded in reality. He also made this weird statement that she is comfortable/nonchalant about money because she has never had to dig herself out of debt. I would argue the opposite. She never got into debt because she isn’t nonchalant about money. She knew what debt meant in her early 20s, she understands how to budget. You don’t need to get burned with car repossessions and student loans to understand money and building wealth.
She is such a beautiful person. I wanted to believe in his love for her but the more this went on the worse it got. I don’t think she will be staying home long if she does at all. He thinks he is better than her. She had to remind him to include her and the girls in his rich life. It’s his world, she’s just in it. And it’s so heart breaking because this is the reality for so many women who want to serve their families 😭
Gosh. I should have seen this coming w/ him using the phrase “power couple.” This man seems to want his wife to constantly prove herself to him or meet specific conditions. Openly admitting you didn’t want to move in with your girlfriend, so so you set an arbitrary savings goal for her to “earn” it? perusal these convos happen so casually and be laughed about is such a bummer and if it were my friend, I’d be worried. She’s got a stable job, covers the agreed upon life costs she’s responsible for, stays within a budget plan consistently, and hopes to own a home one day & he has temporary work and aspires to side businesses. One of them lives a life that screams “I like stability AND to enjoy my money & life,” but it isn’t him. Not sure why she’s looked down on as unsophisticated. I don’t understand where this current mindset comes from in so many men, but I suspect lower-quality podcasts are to blame.
This poor mom took on the blame for everything, and always doing everything to prove herself to her husband…who is holding back and letting her spend almost all her paycheck while he hangs onto half of his paycheck. And he still has the audacity to continue to say he is scared he can’t retire early and get his rich life because of her. They don’t even have a pre-nup so his behavior is unnecessary. He can hoard all the money he wants but when she finally wakes up and is fed up with his BS, she can walk away with half of everything he has been haording from her and demand child support. He has been having it so good trying to pat himself on the back while she lives a lesser life and takes on all the emotional toll. This was such a one sided dynamic. I wish her the best.
My impression is that he’s coerced her into a position she doesn’t want to be in with work, even though she tried telling him it wouldn’t make a difference. She’s not “emotional” about the finances at all, she’s been in mourning over her life and can’t hold it in when they talk about it. I hope they get to a place where her dreams are appreciated and supported too because she is deserving. He painted a negative picture of her.
I think this guy encapsulates the American relationship with money. He doesn’t like that she wants to be safe and comfortable and always wants to move onto the next thing to make more money. I think we as a people need to be more “complacent” with money and be happy with what you have. It’s sounds exhausting always wanting to chase the bag
This was more infuriating than most of the couples we see – and some are really wild. He really sat there and basically said he’s good and comfortable and wouldn’t change a thing in his perfect world while his wife is desperately hurting. Wowowow! We re-did the CSP, solved every problem, and he STILL would rather keep things the same. Very sad. I’ll echo what others have said, this was the best in person interview yet. I think that’s mostly due to these participants really being willing to open up and be emotional instead of putting that in person wall up. Kudos to them for sharing and being vulnerable.
Carlos can do some more reflection about his past as the deep seated ideas about his own complacent (car repos) and nonchalant (status purchases) financial behaviors. Took out a loan for massage therapy school without realizing it, is very nonchalant. Don’t take all that out on Amanda. The trouble is that he wants to get out of this impulses with more get rich quick schemes. That’s super emotional. Not logical.
I say this with as much love and patience I can muster, he is giving heavy “contradictory Bozo Behavior”, and I’m seriously concerned about their future. Something seems very off with them, but I hope better for them. *EDIT – He seems inauthentic in many of the statements he makes around their relationship and life. That is why I prefer the Zoom/WebEx sessions!
Amanda should run the finances. He’s clearly not good at it. He seems like a nice enough guy, but he also seems to be another guy who isn’t good with finances and is taken in by “hustle” culture. Instead of investing and saving and taking the slow boring path to wealth, he’s going to build wealthy by being more clever than everyone else! Something, something passive income, bad investments, debt, whatever. It’s always the same with these guys, terrible financial past, but still think they’re going to outsmart the rest of us suckers who are just setting and forgetting our investments. Amanda is smart, practical, capable of setting financial goals and meeting them – give her the money and let her start investing it. I also don’t think she should stay home. Because SAH parents get screwed most of the time. It’s not just income vs daycare cost. She’s missing out on building her pension, her retirement, her social security. She’s missing out on seniority, training, experience, etc. If she works as a teacher she can have all the breaks with her kids and she’ll ultimately have more time with them than most parents. My mom worked in education and that was the case for us.
As a working mom i share every sentiment she had. Family time is definitely at the top of the list when it comes to our rich life. We just want to be able to afford to spend more time with the family and cook those simple meals for the family. Balancing career goals and giving everything to your family is a struggle we will be having forever.
I hate this. “Traditional gender roles” but they won’t combine finances and she’s paying the childcare. I’m so tired of seeing this trend in personal finance content. He thinks he’s financing the family because he’s paying the “important” bills and it’s bullshit. How would she even be secure if she quit her job with this setup? Also, related to the childcare question – can we stop acting like the only thing women should consider when stepping away from the workforce is current earnings? Does she have potential to earn more in the future? Would taking time out of the workforce impact that? Can he cover retirement savings for two people and life insurance to replace his income? Is his income secure or is he going to unilaterally decide to pivot into a business endeavor one day? Ladies, protect yourself! I would like to see her get a higher paying job, but that means he might be forced to participate at home and that “gender roles” bullshit wouldn’t fly.
Based on his past financial habits, he doesn’t trust himself to be the sole provider, which is why he doesn’t want her to stay at home. He immediately starts thinking of another business idea or something to overcompensate, when it’s not really necessary. He has to trust that he can hold down the fort for 2 years especially now that they ran the numbers to prove it. After those 2 years are up, they can adjust to that richer life they both want.
“We fall into our gender roles pretty well”, meanwhile complains that his wife is complacent and not involved with finances lmao. What a joke…isn’t her gender role to only take care of the home? so why is he even trying to get her involved in finances and getting her to pay for a thing. Her gender role is NOT to pay for groceries nor clothing, that’s HIS JOB. Its crazy how some men want gender roles so bad until they get nervous and anxious about finances and feel the need to share the expenses despite the woman taking so much emotional and ‘invisible’ labour. 2 partners with great communication taking care of the home TOGETHER, taking care of the children TOGETHER and taking care of finances TOGETHER always succeeds and reduced stress within the home. Its not about splitting 50/50 (I don’t believe in that either) but its about being transparent and seeing where help is needed regularly and being open to help the other IRRESPECTIVE of gender roles. That’s what makes a successful marriage. I’m glad they both are seeing that now.
He seems SOOO impulsive to me that is crazy he thinks he’s the “logical” one when in fact SHE is the logical one. She seems very level headed and smart when it comes to saving and putting her family first. I hope he takes a hard look in the mirror and realizes the story he’s been telling himself for so long may not be true.
They are such a sweet couple. I commend them for being vulnerable during this process. If they continue working together like this they have a bright future. I really hope he learns from this experience. His fears are undermining the true value she holds for their family. He has scars from the financial situation that previous relationship left him in. He needs to get over that. He has a good woman, who deserves to feel safe and comfortable in their marriage.
Parents can stay home but you can miss major steps up the salary ladder during your prime earning years, as well as career opportunity costs when you do. You also become completely reliant on your partner for money. If the marriage fails, you can be left in a tough spot. It’s not just the daycare cost.
Her entire paycheck doesn’t go to daycare, though. She said in addition to daycare she also pays for things for the kids (clothes) groceries, and investments. Another thing to consider is that daycare is just temporary. It sucks for a few years but then that payment is gone and your fixed costs change dramatically.
There is a lot of B.S. thats comes out of some couples mouths on this show, but this guy showed his cards at the end. He said “as a man I wanna give her that rich life” and when Ramit shows him in excel he can do it, it “sure…if that’s what you want”. Maaaaaannnn…this boy wants that extra cash to catch up on past errors. That was disappointing
It’s great that these folks have an keen awareness of each other. There is no one that will take better care of your kids than the parent. And, I can tell you from personal experience, having your spouse at home can really help your own income. It gives you the flexibility to say yes to work that you can’t when there are logistics to address with driving kids and adults places in addition to the overall support.
wait so she felt pressured to get back to work and pulled in way too many directions, and then on their CSP she is paying more bills per month than him but making ~50% of his salary, and he’s just saving and investing his excess??? I HOPE that’s going into joint accounts. And then her “guilt free spending” includes babysitting and kids’ clothing? Bruh…
oh i absolutely love these two, especially Amanda. I’m only 30 mins in and am already impressed by how eloquent she is. I haven’t even seen the numbers but it’s funny – only a few minutes into these podcasts and I can usually tell which couples are gonna make it and which just don’t have the right stuff.
It seems like her insecurities coupled with some “gaslighting” from the husband has her thinking she is the problem. Imo, his statements are ego centered because he is the one with the debt issues and uses the warped reasoning that because he made a series of bad investments/decisions and had the urgency to get out of them (i.e. he needs to make money fast) that SHE needs to make more money. What?? She has a history of making great financial decisions and he doesn’t. It’s not about how much you make but how much you keep! His wife is very financially literate/responsible and focused on her children WTH is this man complaining about?😮
I was a teacher. My husband works in tech and when our son was born we made the decision for me to stay home. We do not regret the decision to eliminate my income because it would not have even covered daycare. Now we homeschool our son so I won’t be returning to the workforce until he is in his teens. We made the decision to have less and not go on vacations that involve more than a few hours drive. Maybe once every five years we will fly somewhere, but we do our best to live simply and keep expenses low. I cook every meal at home, we rarely eat out, like once a month rare. I keep a sourdough starter and bake our bread, buy eggs from my friend who has chickens, and do the rest of my shopping at Aldi. I am basically his home chef lol. We avoid debt at all costs and do our best to save when we can. We will never be high on the hog, and once my son is grown I will work outside the home full time again and shovel as much away as possible. I won’t go back to the classroom, but we have a plan. But she is missing something she will never get back. It is not too late to quit her job, they will hire her back no problem when the youngest goes to school.
For people who say it’s not worth it at ALL to pay for daycare if one salary just covers it.. on top of it potentially really halting career progression/retirement etc.. it’s not free to keep your kids home 😅. Passes to museums and the aquarium, art supplies, snacks that school provided. Don’t get me wrong daycare is SO expensive and it doesn’t really matter that they provide $3 of food a day but I just mean it’s not a total wash like it’s absolutely free. Gas money driving them around more, occasional lunches out because I know myself I would need to just get out of the house sometimes with a change of scenery.
He seems so smug! He’s the one that has had past financial failures and still hasn’t learnt anything as he just wants to start another “get rich quick” business. She is the one who is sensible and better at finances. She is also the one who takes care for the kids and manages the household. He needs to step up and also appreciate her! If i was her, i would put away some safety net money because one of his schemes will probably land them in a total mess.
The dichotomy of logic and emotion is not accurate to apply to this couple. Both of them are equally logical and emotional. She explains her thought processes and decision making so well and LOGICALLY. He wants to grind and hustle to afford luxury goods and vehicles that make him FEEL rich and expensive. They need to step out of this mindset of logic/emotion and approach things differently.
Hmmm, if she is working and paying most of her check toward childcare, he sure as heck better be doing half the cooking, half the cleaning, half the bathing and running the kids around to Drs appts, picking them up from school, etc. If he doesn’t want traditional gender roles then he needs to step up! Also, once the millionaires in NYC see this article they are gonna want to hire her to nanny their kids. If you can afford to live in NYC, you can pay a nanny $100,000/year!
Interesting couple. Amanda seems very calm, collected, and rational. She just doesn’t want to rush into any decision unless the numbers make sense, and wants to focus on building wealth with the family. Carlos seems like he wants to make decisions based on how others see him as he went into debt for nice cars and is seemingly rushing to buy a house. I feel they can easily be a power couple (if they aren’t one), it’s just a matter of aligning their priorities together, and maybe defining what “power couple” means in the context of their rich life. Carlos has made steps involving Amanda in finances and they appear to love each other, it’s just a matter of aligning priorities and being on the same page for what their rich life entails.
He sounds very high maintenance and can’t make enough money to live up to it and I feel he’s being very selfish to have her work and lose out on raising their babies with their moral standards and unconditional love! He can give it to her he just can’t stop buying a new pair of expensive sneakers a month. He does not “NEED” a new pair of sneakers each month. That’s 12 pairs a year. I have about 12 pairs in total. I’m a stay at home Mom of 5 and started my thrift flipping business years ago. My husband only wants a cup of coffee a day. Take his $200 a month allowance on sneakers to thrift and resale. Momma you can do it!!! 💖😁 She’s very smart with money and he needs to listen to her because it’s obvious he has more of a problem with money and getting in debt than she does. She has less money and makes better decisions. It’s like the more he makes the more he wants. I hope he’s optioned his eyes and realizes he doesn’t need all those materialistic things to be happy. Happy family and a happy life!
@14:50 it is wild to me that a married couple would have entirely separate finances. My wife and I dump all of our money into the same account, and then only after all expenses, savings, and investments are accounted for do we disburse guilt free money to our own separate accounts. A partnership requires visibility. Keeping finances separate almost always leads to a larger burden being placed on one side. That burden causes stress that will permeate throughout other aspects of the relationship. Something else they aren’t considering about the question of her working vs staying home to care for the child – she works at a school. They only have to worry about the daycare question for a couple of years until the child goes to school. So, even if they lose all of her salary to daycare now, it still provides them with retirement contributions, healthcare, annual pay increases, job security, socialization, etc., that would be lost if she stayed home.
He’s all logic and she’s all emotion but he’s emotionally tied to her still working despite it not making a financial difference and he’s also very emotionally tied to wanting to start his own business. His face when she said they could retire just investing aggressively rather than starting a business was like 🙃😑. He was not into that idea at all even though it’s numbers and makes sense. Btw. I did not appreciate that she was described as complacent and not good with money simply because she did not have to struggle with money. She probably did, she just had discipline and responsibility in spending while he did not.
We are just outside of New York City, so it’s an expensive area. When our twins arrived, we realized that the cost of full-time daycare would be about the same as my wife’s salary. It was a hard decision to make because these things aren’t just pure numbers. There is an emotional element to it, and our jobs can be wrapped up in our identity. We were fortunate in that we would be comfortable just on my income and she made the decision to stay home with the kids and yes, there are days where she wishes she could still be working and there are times where she feels like she is judged for it by other moms, but on the whole, it’s been an amazing decision. Our kids are five and she’s been able to be there the whole time. also I think the employment market is different to how it used to be. I think most employers are open to the idea of someone having taken time off to raise kids, but then returning to the workforce.
Dude drank the kool aid while military and wants to be a big entrepreneur with tons of money…. Totally devaluing what his wife brings to the table and the work she put in while he deployed. I bet she’s had to change jobs multiple times due to deployments and PCS and that can contribute to her lower income. Also, she’s a teacher! A noble profession and drastically underpaid. She’s way smarter than him, his fragile masculinity and gender roles can’t handle his wife being better with things than he his.
This was a great episode, I watched the entire thing and read so many comments. I appreciated the rawness and vulnerabilty they showed. Between the two, Amandas qualities really shined, she came across as a very leveled headed, objective, and trusting when it comes to finances. I hope that they both read through these comments later because they can both learn from them. Thank you for posting this, as it really sparked a fantastic discussion.
Loved this, what a beautiful couple. With daycare its not just financial costs either, who is actually looking after the kids? that takes alot of trust, I’m talking under 3yrs of age especially. That wasnt something me or my partner felt comfortable doing, so chose to have one income until our youngest starts school. Its been tight, no luxury’s like paid holidays, date nights etc but we knew our kids had one parent always with them in those really early years when they need their parents. I really hope she goes back to a stay at home Mum until their youngest starts school, she won’t get those years back & won’t regret it, hopefully he’ll love his wife & kids enough to do that.
15:00 when they started talking about splitting household bills and how they are broken down, I remembered the title and I got an eerie feeling about “traditional household roles” and the idea that Amanda could be at home without financial freedom or an exit plan. I’ll come back at the end to see how this works out.
The one thing to take into consideration with continuing to work even though the daycare is expensive….is the issue of retirement and social security that will come from continuing to work. I was a high school teacher in the 1970’s and then I had our two sons, 21 month’s apart. There was no real daycare options at that time and my mother was dead and my mother-in-law was working for her own retirement years. So I stayed home to raise our sons. I was happy for my son’s sake and they thrives with this but staying home really hurt my retirement years and my SS oncome later on. I unexpectedly got sick with endometriosis and the pain and bleeding was horrible. I could no longer work outside the home and started a home based business with a very modest income. Then when my husband and I divorced after 24 years and I was left with our modest home ($120.00 value) and nothing else (I could not live on the $15,000 income I was making from my business.) I was left with NO pension, no retirement and just $250.00 coming in per month in Social Security. All of this devestated my retirement years.
I really appreciated this episode and this couple sharing their numbers. I’m in a similar situation where having 2 in daycare is eating into our finances so much that it makes sense for me to stay at home until they are in school. It’s such a hard decision because I’m in the STEM/tech fields and it’s fierce competition, so I’m not sure what leaving for a few years will do to my career trajectory
Great job guys. I think you will do great in the future. In essense, Amanda wants to take 2 years off to be a stay at home mom. And it seems like the numbers work! I respect that every woman is different. For me, working with small children was way more draining that focusing on raising them full time. So I made the switch after running the numbers, and we are living a hard working and beautiful dream life raising kids. Taking 2 years off teaching isnt going to be catstrophic for her career. Teachers are always needed. The numbers work. Carlos and Amanda, what are you waiting for??!! Go live your rich life. That’s a power couple move.
Me and my partner are similar ages, also 7 yr age gap, two kids. I wish me & my partner had as much money as they do 😅 makes me realize just how poor we are but somehow we are getting by in San Diego. All this to say, count your blessings! Most people are struggling financially much worse off than you
Thank you for the sidenote about the lie we tell each other about emotions being weak. People equate emotion to being impulsive and reckless…. it’s not the same. Empathy is the strongest sense we have, and it’s not gender specific. Empathy allows you to weigh options based upon the understanding of the world and people. Emotions make you cautious because you want safety and security. Her thinking of her kids safety is practical, like others have said. She just wants peace, and doesn’t need much and I respect that.
Just started this but what about one stays home and does part time whilst the other can do full time and saves as much as they can until kids are independent and resume dual full time positions? In your 20s you would want stability and when you lacked it you just want MORE than comfortable bcs you want to decrease probability of being poor.
I completely understand the Wife’s hesitation on him starting new businesses. He has a long history of failure. The compromise should be… We are taking X % and saving/investing for the future and security of our family. Here is X % percent that he can put towards the development of business ideas, which is his passion/hobby. If one takes off great. If not you never stop investing X% for the long term stability of the family. I get the feeling this guy is pretty selfish and keeps railroading the wife in these conversations which is why reacts emotionally.
I’ve never seen so many negative comments that seem totally unjustified. These two clearly care a lot about each other and even though he has some dreams that are totally out of touch with reality, she is very level headed and wants to be more cautious. I’m missing the follow up articles that used to come at the end. I hope those aren’t being totally abandoned
They seem like great people and they appear to really love each other and want their relationship to work. I love the fact that the husband have realized his irresponsibility’s in the past and is doing what it takes to change hood and his families life. I love that he see the mistake he’s made with their finances and is on the show so that Ramit can help them combine. They seem like a great couple and I really do think they will work.
When our children were young me and my husband worked different shifts. This meant we didn’t see each other much but we minimized child care costs because full childcare costs would have cancelled my income. Once the kids were in school we both went to day shift just leaving about 2 hrs of childcare per day. Even though being married means combining finaces often that doesn’t mean a joint bank account. So in the end each is looking at individual bank account balances. Having one person maxing out their income while the other only uses half if theirs doesn’t sit well because the one spouse can easily feel like they never have any money because they need to ask for money from their spouse who has all the leftover money. So for us the bills were split each week so we both had money left over out of our pay. My husband made more than me so he covered slightly more than half so in the end we both had a similar amount of leftover cash.
Great episode. He realised that once he was responsible for a family he needed to shape up, she is wise beyond her years, and he is beginning to understand that successful marriages are partnerships and that he needs to take counsel from her (because her instincts are good!). Great that she wants to be a stay at home mother. It looks like they have the capacity. I hope they make it happen.
I think the thing i liked most about this episode is that numbers-wise, they were pretty much ok for the moment and doing their best to follow Ramit’s recommendations from the book / podcast. They were struggling because they didn’t know how to talk to each other and didn’t realize that they were not working as a team toward a joint vision of a rich life. * My mom stayed at home with us, but she still had to make money. She had training as a teacher, so she opened a daycare at home. There was not one day I came home to an empty house. There were a lot of other people’s kids, but only till 6pm. That’s just one option. She doesn’t necessarily have to be zero income. Some other options could include bartering for / trading services. Get to know the neighbors and see if you can trade babysitting hours, for example, and save $200.
Childcare costs don’t just vanish once children enter elementary school. Six years ago when my children were a baby and toddler in-home childcare was $2500 a month for both. I opted to resign from my part time job. Fast forward to today – if I return back to work it will cost the same between before and after school care, summer care, multiple school breaks and days off. This doesn’t even factor in extracurricular activities that they’re now doing.
I don’t know why this couple says they want to be a “power couple”, when they already are! Their maturity, excellent communication, intentionality and love for each other already make them a power couple! Bravo 👏🏼 I know they will make it, and I wouldn’t be surprised if together they are millionaires in a decade! Wish there would be an update in 10 years! 😊
Ramit: I would like her to be able to stay home with her children; it’s important. Raising two little kids and working full time is very busy. I was able to work part- time when my kids were that age, thankfully. But, I am curious about your advice to her in regards to stopping contributions to 401K if she were to stop working. Would this be detrimental to her retirement plans, and do you advise it?
This was a good episode. If they follow Ramit’s advice, I think they will lead a happier life. The messy middle phase can be difficult. Ramit is absolutely correct when he said they need to combine their finances. Also, If Amanda stays at home, she can still do something on the side to make extra money. But they need a budget, and their finances need to be combined. Great couple.
Bro is just giving up and begging to her to pick up his slack. Be a man and find a way if money is the most important thing to you. Don’t rely on your wife to fulfill your financial vision.. And retire at 55?? Unless you find a way to just kill it for the next 20 years…. get that out of your head and plan for 60, and more realistically 65. At 36 you are way too far behind. You need to start bringing in 500k yesterday if 55 is imperative to you. People with over 500k in retirement by the time they are 36 won’t even sniff retirement at 55. That’s a lot of remaining life to live and plan for. Is the mortgage paid off? How are you going to pay for expenses when you can’t pull from retirement accounts until 59 1/2 or social security until you are in your 60’s? How are you going to pay for insurance until you can get on Medicare? Your kids will be college age when you are 55, how do you plan to support them?
She should definitely be staying home – seems like she is just subsidizing his toy hobby, daycare, and his retirement. Women don’t want other people raising their kids – they are only coming out with $1,000-$2,000 extra MAYBE with her working – not going to be a crazy difference for retirement. Sad to see
This was painful to watch especially when she talks about her rich life. They are not aligned on what they both want. She wants to focus on making her family better and become a stay at home mom and wife. He is busy saying we should do better make more money because he wants to do more live and spend more. He is too busy thinking I am Older therefore I’m smarter and know more when in reality she is more strategic and provide a better quality of life for the family. She is a bit intimidated a bit scared of him and thinks he is better and smarter than her and that’s where the problem is.
That’s where you can see best that the average US citizen (really almost anywhere in the western world) is getting poorer by the year. the top 1-10% make bank, the middle 80% are worse off year after year and the bottom 10% are not improving either. If most can’t even afford to have a stay at home parent and still pay the bills BUT this was doable on a single lower skill job income in the 70s, is this really a first world country anymore?
Hubby and I are childless by choice and it still shocks the heck out of me that parents don’t plan for child care expenses. Children are wealth vampires, not trying to be cruel, and there’s no financial return on your investment. Knowing this, parents who fail to plan, will ultimately plan to fail in the budget department. Children are THE most expensive things and not planning to pay for them is reckless IMHO.
Farnoosh Tarobi gives such a nuanced perspective when I comes to women decide whether or not to return to work that I wish more mom’s would consider before letting go of their career. It forever breaks my heart how willing women are to let their careers go, yet it’s infuriating to know how our work structure does not account for parenthood.
I’m a little put off by their communication and relationship. They are not a complete unit and need to combine finances. None of this seperate accounts and you pay this or that separately. Finances are one when you are married. I understand people will not agree and that there is alot of push back when combining but it makes more sense and is easier to manage, unless someone has a bad habit. 😮
Being a mom is so hard. She should stay home and do part time work away from the kids for her own enrichment. Also, I dunno why couples don’t split finances equally, which doesn’t mean 50/50. It means splitting the load equally. Maybe its 30/70 based on the income of each person. It makes things unified to feel you are equally weighted as a couple. How can you feel equally weighted if one is winning at finances while the other isn’t?
They already are a “Power Couple” in their way of communicating at their age and stage of life. It will only get better. I understand the mental impact of his financial decisions in his 20’s and probably the discipline it took to recover impacts his view of things. I hope she can develop some income from home and return to teaching in two years since it sounds like this is what she wants. I hope he can find the resources and time to start a business no matter how small as it sounds like he has that “itch” that needs scratching. Regardless, congratulation on the place your relationship has come to and your desire to work openly together to improve it even more. With parents like you, your children are going to be awesome.
I stayed home and wouldn’t change it for the world. I worked part time when they started school. But then hot divorced… Was scared cuz my career was not advanced and i was financially in a tough spot but received alimony and child support for a while which allowed me to grow my career. I’m fine now, but better make sure your marriage is bullet proof and keep working on it. And make sure you have family support in case all goes to hell.
Him framing her thinking about the emotions, physical, and educational safety of their daughter and family as “emotional” is killing me. Sin, that is her being logical and you being dense. Your responsibility is to your family so taking their needs into consideration when making decisions is the “logical” step.
……..He’s about eight years older. They’ve been married for six years. If my numbers are right, how long were they dating before? She was young and comfortable with her life, sounds like. Not so much anymore. He’s low key trying to make her feel bad about having a comfortable life. Seems like he’d be happy about that and try to maintain it……..Serial entrepreneur but not necessarily successful. Hmmm. Wait…. sounds like he really didn’t want to move in together in the beginning. He wanted to move to NY solo. I’ma leave it alone. Thie horse is out of the barn at this point but she should have saved that money for herself.
After perusal and reading comments, i see so many people passing judgment without really listening. Too many are hearing what they “want” to hear. Her income allegedly goes to daycare and shes capped at 93% but then who is funding vacations, gifts, savings, guilt free spending etc? Him wanting her to work sounds like he wants her to find independence and self sustainability. Bravo to these 2 👏🏽 they’re figuring it out and are almost there.
I always thought the point of buying a house is that you won’t have to pay for rent/mortgage when you retire. I don’t think we could ever afford to retire if we had to pay rent. Not to mention what would happen if we had huge bumps in rent or HOA prices like what’s happening right now to people. It’s scary to think of being home insecure when you’re possibly too old to work. I understand that home prices vs income, fandom cost adding up, and paying high interest over 30 yrs are huge hurdles. But could someone really build enough wealth to cover rent for the rest of their life if they don’t buy? This seems unattainable.
He is being unfair and so demanding. She is already working and they have children. Expecting your wife to have more salary when she already is working and also taking care of your children is too much. Maybe you should live a simple life. Try that. Let her enjoy her kids and you enjoy your cars or whatever the h you want. SMH
If getting a permit or license to have a home daycare can be worked out then maybe that could be a way to stay home with the kids and also make a bit of income for investments. Like in Hawaii I think you can babysit up to two kids without a license. Maybe get certified in CPR etc and do daycare for two kids and make a few hundred a week doing that. I really feel for this couple. There’s so much love here and such great potential. Hope they figure out how to get on the same page and be intentional with their goals. ❤
I’ve never understood separate accounts in marriage. You can have your separate accounts on top of a joint account so personal spending is just that, but everything for the household needs to come out of a joint account because it’s stuff for everyone in the household and the adults are responsible for that stuff.
Its ok to stay home. Doesn’t have to be forever. I worked with my first and there were pros and cons. I forever will regret missing out on much for years. My new baby I am working per diem for a few years. Love it. You can go back to work. Dont have children with a partner who is against staying home when you want to. My mental health was TRASH being away from my first baby all day everyday.
In the intro where the host says “He wants them to be a power couple”… I strongly feel every couple needs to decide what that can mean for them! Wow because it seems to be this group of expectations that is unrealistic for them. It can be that she is a stay a home mom, maybe has a side job or business. Or they are involved in church together and actively leads groups together. Or they both work full time and make it happen. But this set image that some people may have on what a “power couple” is- not cool.
Wow this guy gave me red flags from the get go, then came the CSP made his wife go back to work for ABSOLUTELY NOTHING – no financial gain and a wife feeling emotionally volatile – what a disappointment when as a woman you rely on your man to support you and this is what you get – go back to work and ignore her input that work would make no financial difference:(
This couple might benefit from listening to the Suzanne Venker podcast here on YouTube. In some cases in makes more sense for the woman to return to work when the kids are not so little. A women’s life is not linear like a man’s. Women are the ones who get pregnant and have babies. There are seasons to a women’s life.
This was a hard episode to watch. A lot of sexism from both sides. His comment “I respect my wife’s intelligence was extremely condescending and actually proved the opposite. She has 94% fixed cost while he has less than 50% fixed cost. Even though financially it makes sense for her to be a stay at home mom and she wants it, he prefers for her to work so that his fixed cost are lower. He demanded her to have 15.000 dollars before he would move in with her but he didn’t think she would do it? I hope our society evolves from this toxic mindset, and I hope she realizes she is being abused emotionally, she could be in a much better situation
The fuck he pushed her to go to work then? To prove she’s serious about him? I can’t lie I loved this episode because it closely reflects what I see in my reality. I love you Ramit and I do love this couple… but misogyny and mindlessness is not a joke. It’s destroying relationships. Saddest thing is I don’t even think he, Carlos, knows it’s that. I pray for you both and I pray for my future because I will not and cannot. PERIOD!!!!
Hes not nice or clever but think hes the clever one… anoying. // Really, what does a “power couple” mean to them/him?? Who does he want to think they are a power couple? So he KNOW he takes bad economic desicions and are annoyed that his woman who IS good with money doesnt change and go away from her GOOD $ desicions to become like him. 😬 This actually makes me really mad, him not going her way
Too bad Amanda knew that it made no difference for her to work vs stay home but her husband couldn’t see it until was told it by someone else… how much is he really considering her input? Also him saying “if it’s that important to you, we can adjust the plan” AFTER it was made clear that there was absolutely no difference… don’t make it sound like you’re making a sacrifice when you should be making an apology…
Not sure why he says he’s rational when he buys watches, shoes, clothes and motorcycles….. And his wife’s entire paycheck goes to childcare, food, and clothing for the children. I think reevaluating priorities would be the first objective and then allocating assets to what is needed instead of what is wanted.
How wild to frame contentedness—a quality that Americans sorely lack because it doesn’t fuel consumerism—as complacency and a negative quality. Amanda is so pragmatic and seems to have a her head on straight. It’s a shame she hasn’t partnered with someone whose main goal in life isn’t to consume luxury goods, lacks self-reflection, and doesn’t value her contributions. EDIT: Glad to see this changed as the conversation went on. That opening was kinda rough to watch.
When the husband does not allow for certain purchases, it is far more prudent for the wife to keep her own accounts. For example, in the case of Hannah Neeleman aka Ballerina Farm, her husband won’t allow them to get a nanny, whereas the wife desperately needs one. She is drowning in exhaustion. If she had a separate account for her social media earnings, she could do what she likes with her own money. This is my reasoning for keeping my own account. When I was pregnant with my first, my husband was greatly afraid that I would poison the child’s future by eating processed food, to the point that if I didn’t have time or energy to homecook every little thing, I didn’t eat. I felt like I was being starved. I started using my own money to get door dash without him knowing. If we had been combined, I don’t know if I would have survived that time in my life. Just food for thought.
A tip for people looking to purchase a home: Get a Heloc mortgage. This is what we did and we paid SIMPLE interest only. Paying compound interest is what enslaves you. We have almost paid off a 305k mortgage in 7 years and we earn WAY less money than this couple. We have two daughters, one in college, live in an affluent town in NJ, close to NYC in a modestly sized house compared to neighbors.
Youtube recommended this article again to me and i have to say that I hate this one, even though i’ve been binging most of your content lately. I just feel so bad for her getting blamed for everything. I am glad all the commenters agree with me that what is actually going on here was seriously missed and reinforced toxic gender dynamics. Ramit I think people are just more honest online and you’re better at getting to the heart of going on when it’s an online interview. I don’t know why it’s different, but it feels really different.
I definitely agree on the categories discussion where partners end up falling into “traditional spending” categories to where mothers are left paying all the child and home related stuff while men typically pay rent and dinners 😑 men, stop doing that sh!t, women stop settling and start talking finances or at least see a financial specialist (which all on base families can use for free- even military wives w/o their husbands there- if you want to gain more knowledge before talking with your husband about it). Because women: YOU NEED TO SAVE FOR YOUR OWN RETIREMENT ALSO. Stop paying for daycare by yourself. He needs to pay half of that too if he’s not contributing to your retirement that you at least pay half of daycare costs. If you have separate financial accounts, PLEASE make paying things more fair on each other instead of “just falling” into traditional roles of spending.
You mean to tell me all your money goes to daycare? I have been a childcare teacher the end of this year will make 21 years and I wasn’t making no money. I started volunteering at daycares when I was only 16 years and 17 yearsold. I got my first daycare job at 19 back in December of 2005 and was only making.$6.15 an hour, I remember when I was even making $9.00/hr in 2020 now I am making $12/hr. If all your money is going to daycare and thw daycare teachers are not making anything then maybe I should start my own daycare business because as a daycare teacher I used to be there from sun up to sun down running behind bad kids that yells at me and even fight me all day for only $12/hr. I need to start my own daycare business then. I have two jobs and I still do childcare for part-time now but daycare teachers don’t make nothing and when they have to stay late after hours if a parent is late picking up their child the money goes to the owner who’s not even there perusal the kid. I think if the teacher is staying there after hours late the owner should say you get paid for doing that but instead the owner takes the money.