The Montessori approach to discipline emphasizes respectful communication, emphasizing causality and allowing children to imitate their environment. This involves careful listening and talking, focusing on the natural consequences of choices. The approach encourages maximum freedom within limits, emotional validation, and offering help when needed.
To effectively discipline, parents should avoid using bribes, rewards, or punishment, as these are extrinsic motivations. Establishing a prepared environment is crucial for a Montessori-like environment. Parents can reinforce Montessori discipline principles at home through practical strategies that align with the Montessori philosophy.
The Montessori approach to discipline is different from traditional punitive approaches, and understanding the basic concepts is essential. To learn how to discipline effectively in a Montessori environment, parents should read and re-read the basic concepts, as well as consider different perspectives.
In order to cultivate self-discipline, parents should stay calm, validate their child’s emotions, and set clear boundaries while teaching them to handle situations in a socially acceptable way. Effective communication is also a priority, with Montessori teachers listening to children of all ages and offering help when needed.
In summary, the Montessori approach to discipline emphasizes respect, natural consequences, and fostering intrinsic motivation in children. Parents should take time to understand and implement these principles in their own home environments to help their children develop inner discipline and self-discipline.
📹 MONTESSORI AT HOME: Positive Discipline Examples & What To Do
MONTESSORI AT HOME: POSITIVE DISCIPLINE // Learn how to handle toddler tantrums and a variety of the most common, …
How do you punish a disrespectful toddler?
To discipline a rude toddler, it is important to make the punishment fit the crime and happen immediately. This can include a short time-out, a specific warning, discipline with love, explaining the behavior, sticking with it, and never using physical punishment. It is important to recognize that every toddler can be rude, whether intentional or not. While their comments can be embarrassing and hurtful, they are fairly par for the course developmentalally.
Parents should be aware of the potential consequences of their child’s behavior and take steps to address it effectively. It is crucial to remember that every toddler can be rude, and it is essential to address and address these issues in a respectful manner.
How do I stop my toddler from hitting Montessori?
If your child is feeling agitated and aggressive near other children, stay near them to block and stop them from hitting other children. Be firm but never angry, and keep calm while letting your child know that you are stopping them from hurting other children. Showing big reactions when your child exhibits such behavior is important, as they may repeat the behavior to get attention or explore other ways to get big reactions. It is also important to help your child identify their emotions, as they can easily get overwhelmed by their emotions and struggle to express their feelings, leading to aggressive behavior.
How to punish a toddler who doesn’t listen?
To effectively discipline a child, follow these steps:
Give consequences for non-behavior. Explain the consequences, such as putting away toys for the day. Be prepared to follow through, but never take away something your child truly needs.
Listen actively. Allow your child to finish the story before helping solve the problem. Watch for patterns of misbehavior and discuss them with them.
Give attention. Attention is the most powerful tool for effective discipline, as it reinforces good behaviors and discourages others. Remember, all children want their parent’s attention.
What does ADHD look like in a 2 year old?
ADHD in toddlers is often characterized by frequent, severe tantrums that are more intense, severe, and disruptive than typical toddler behavior. These tantrums can last for over 20 minutes and are often disproportionate to the event or inappropriate to the context. The child’s reactions are excessive and disproportionate to the situation, and they may even retaliate. Some toddlers may experience “full-blown” tantrums that they cannot control, even if they are promised their favorite thing. This behavior is often a result of exhaustion or a lack of control over their emotions. Parents should monitor their toddler’s behavior and seek professional help if necessary.
How do you punish a toddler for hitting?
Time-outs can be an effective form of discipline for children, as they are a break from positive attention. A 2- or 3-year-old should be told in a calm, neutral voice why their behavior is unacceptable and taken to a designated time-out area, such as a kitchen chair or bottom stair, for a minute or two to calm down. A general rule for time-outs is about 1 minute per year of age, with 3-5 minutes being sufficient. Longer time-outs have no added benefit and could undermine efforts if the child gets up before signaling the time-out has ended.
To ensure effective time-outs, ensure the time-out area is away from distractions and avoid providing any attention. Ignore any screaming, crying, or pleading. It is best to end the time-out when the child is sitting quietly, with just 5 seconds of quiet being enough to end the time-out after the designated time.
How do you discipline a disrespectful 2 year old?
To handle rude behavior in children, consider using strategies such as making punishment fit the crime, connecting consequences to behavior, giving a short time-out, giving a specific warning, implementing discipline with love, explaining why the behavior is rude, sticking with it, and never using physical punishment. It’s important to recognize that every toddler can be rude, whether intentional or not.
While their comments can be embarrassing and hurtful, they are fairly par for the course developmentalally. Parents should be aware of the potential consequences of their child’s behavior and take steps to address it. This will help ensure that children learn to handle their behavior with love and respect.
What is the discipline of a 2 year old in Montessori?
Infants and toddlers respond to unconditional love and unconditional love, as they are not yet at a stage where they know right from wrong. To live happily with young children, it is essential to understand their communication through crying, even if it seems defiant. Crying can indicate various emotions, such as hunger, burping, discomfort, or diaper changes. Babies are people too, and they may become frightened, bored, lonely, or have had a bad dream.
Paying attention to your children, even when they are very young, will help you determine what they are trying to tell you. Just as parents learn to recognize the sound of their baby’s cry, we can learn to recognize the way they cry to communicate different emotions. By doing so, you can help your child navigate their world and develop a deeper understanding of their emotions.
How do you control children in Montessori?
To prevent misbehavior in children, adults can take positive steps such as setting clear rules, creating a safe environment, showing interest in the child’s activities, providing appropriate playthings, and encouraging self-control through meaningful choices. Child guidance and discipline are crucial for promoting self-control, teaching responsibility, and helping children make thoughtful choices. Effective adult caregivers spend less time correcting misbehavior and more time encouraging appropriate behavior.
Family specialists agree that using physical force, threats, and put-downs can interfere with a child’s healthy development, such as spanking, which can have negative effects on children. Living Montessori offers a comprehensive approach to child guidance and discipline, focusing on self-guidance and self-discipline in children.
How does Montessori handle behavior issues?
Montessori’s teachings emphasize the importance of discipline and self-control in children’s lives. She suggests that unruly or disruptive children should be taken aside by the Directress, away from their peers, and re-assuring them until they return to their work. This approach has been interpreted as an endorsement of the ‘time-out chair’. However, it is challenging to use the chair non-punitively, as Maria Montessori emphasizes that punishments have no place in a Montessori environment.
The ‘time-out chair’ was initially seen as a positive step in disciplining young children, rather than scolding or isolation. It helped children learn independence and self-control. Any infraction would result in removal from activities and peers, and a specified time spent sitting in a designated place.
What is the Montessori approach to discipline?
Montessori discipline methods focus on guiding and supporting a child’s development, emphasizing empathy, respect, and understanding of their unique needs. Teachers and parents use positive reinforcement, communication, and problem-solving techniques to redirect behavior positively. This approach recognizes that children may exhibit challenging behavior due to unmet needs or emotional struggles, and addressing these underlying factors is essential for their growth.
Montessori school teaching methods apply to children of all ages, including toddlers, by creating a supportive environment that promotes independence and respect, allowing them to develop essential skills while feeling emotionally secure.
How do you respectfully discipline a toddler?
Positive discipline is a more effective approach for parents dealing with their children, as it helps build positive relationships and teach skills like responsibility, cooperation, and self-discipline. It involves planning 1-on-1 time, praising the positives, setting clear expectations, distracting creatively, using calm consequences, pause, step back, and praising oneself. According to Lucie Cluver, Oxford University professor of Child and Family Social Work and mother of two young boys, parents often resort to physical violence or shouting to control their children’s temper. This approach helps parents build positive relationships with their children and teach skills like responsibility, cooperation, and self-discipline.
📹 MONTESSORI AT HOME: Responding to Toddler Tantrums
MONTESSORI AT HOME: Responding to Toddler Tantrums ○ Positive Discipline (intro video) …
On taking turns, kid snatching toys 2:31 – 6:02 Brushing Teeth 6:03 – 8:22 Getting Dressed 8:23 – 10:40 Leaving the House 10:41 – 12:41 Getting into Carseat 12:43 – 13:46 Leaving the Park or the Zoo 13:47 – 15:27 Interrupting 15:28 -17:00 Transitions 17:00 – 18:30 Screen Time 18:31 – 20:11 Whining 20:11 – 21:29 Not Using Toys/Activities Appropriately 21:29 – 23:27 Getting up during Mealtime/Playing or Throwing Food 23:28 – 25:50 Public Tantrums 25:51 – 27:03 Holding Your Hand 27:04 – 27:54 Hitting, Pushing, Biting, etc and Making Amends 27:54 – 35:19 Helpful tips 35:19 – end
I don’t know who needs to see this but it’s never too late to learn a better way to work with your child. Just because you feel like you’ve messed up a lot up to this point doesn’t mean you can’t turn things around! Like she says, you and your child are a team, and it’s a wonderful thing when your child realizes they can rely on you for empathy and guidance.
I have no clue why this got recommended to me seeing as I’m in high school and don’t want to have kids for quite a while yet, but I wanted to say that this sort of thing genuinely works when you’re looking after younger kids! I was babysitting my (at the time) 4-year-old cousin a while ago, and she didn’t want to come downstairs. I remembered something I had read about stuff like this and so I told her “I know you don’t want to come down, but since you have to, would you like me to carry you down or do you want to walk down yourself?” No joke, she stood up and walked right down immediately. I couldn’t believe it worked. Basically what I’m trying to say here is that this is really useful for anyone, even if you’re not a parent, so I’m glad you’re making informative articles like this 🙂
Unrelated but I have been using the Montessori method for my 14 year old (sister in law I’m raising). She was never a problem child, I just didn’t know how to raise a child (I was only 20 and she was 10, but I have been caring for her since she was 4). We have the strongest relationship possible. We both have a mutual respect and love for each other. I make comments about what needs to be done and she offers to do it for me. She is a high honors student, but struggles with her own self expectations so we have been working on that for a few months now. When I’m around her I act the way I want her to act, it’s honestly changed me as a person over time for the better.
An old-fashioned mom here…also a grandmother and great grandmother…..a teacher for 18 yrs…K-8, high school, and Soccer Coach of 20 yrs. all ages…..In-as-much as I respect and support SOME…of the Montessori….but…after rearing 3 kids with Absolutely NO problems….I do Feel that the Adult must be in Control and Receive the Respect…..first & foremost….this young lady is just starting out…I have quite a bit of real life experience under my belt….I started with my kids at 2 yrs old…..Doing their own Laundry, Cooking, Dressing themselves…..they LOVED pushing buttons on washer and dryer….Loved Cooking…and Loved laying out their ‘Clothes bodies’…for the next day..they also did their own Grocery shopping….with me on a Friday night….All grown, successful and have Decades-old marriages…I Taught…**Respect, Responsibility, and Resourcefulness…** This gal mentions..Packing their Lunch boxes…NO‼️they Pack Their Own…From their section of choices in the Refrigerator and Cupboards…..NEVER HAD TEMPER TANTRUMS…..and ONLY Used a ‘Binky’ during teething..Not until 4 yrs. old…..Sadly…my friends who disagreed with my parenting choices….Ended up with TEEN-AGED PROBLEMS galore…….Parent to Be Respected and Show & Teach Respect….is #1….
I watched all of your positive discipline articles when my daughter was 5-6 months old. if you hadnt made these, I wouldnt have ever found positive discipline. simply because you sat down & shared your knowledge, you have influenced & highly improved my life & my daughters life. thank you so much. she is 18 months today, & I am rewatching these to remind myself of everything with how much things have changed. I am very proud of how many of these things I automatically do without even thinking. your advice was hardwired into my brain & now its just autopilot for me. I can be really hard on myself on the tiny details of everything, so realizing that Ive successfully been practicing creating a positive & safe enviroment for my daughter this whole time, has made me feel a lot better. I cant thank you enough. I love your articles
As for the holding hands, what always worked with my kids is saying, “we have to be safe crossing the street. There are cars that could hurt you. You can either hold my hand or I’ll have to carry you” 9 times out of 10, they’ll straighten up and choose holding hands because they like to be independent and not carried. There are those few times they’ll take me up on the carrying thing but it’s very rare 😂 another thing my mom always did with me was to say “how about you hold my hand with my ring?” I always thought it was so cool to hold her hand with the pretty wedding ring on it. Then when my sister started walking with us we’d end up fighting over who got the ring finger so she would wear another ring that was her moms on the other finger and we would take turns 😊
Day 1 of using your ideas and it’s going SO well! I’ve already avoided a few of our normal tantrums. First one was when she threw her face washer on the ground, stomping her feet saying “naughty!” and getting all huffy and puffy. I asked her calmly why it was naughty and she told me because it’s not wet anymore. I asked her if she’d like me to wet it again, she said “yes please Mum!”, picked it up and gave it to me. Then she thanked me over and over again, washed her face, handed it back to me saying “please wet it again Mum”. Normally I would say “pick that up and hand to me, or you’re going to bed. Stomp your feet like that, and you’ll go to bed”. I also used your car seat advise and asked her whether she’d like some help to get in her car seat, or does she want to do it herself. She hopped in and put her arms in for me – no fight!! Amazing.
Can you do a article on how to communicate parenting choices to caretakers and relatives to build consistency for a child? Do you write out rules and guidance? I find that sometimes grandparents resort back to their personal methods of discipline (which I am against). I want to encourage positive relationships for my child but this territory is new and very difficult. Perhaps you have a personal story of how you navigate this 🙂
I worked in a classroom with 3 & 4 year old children. If there was fighting over an object, I would put it away and explain to the children that I would give it back when they had worked out a solution regarding how they were going to share. Inevitably i would see the children go off and have a little discussion and return to me and say “we worked it out”….there was no need for me to micro-manage, be the referee, be the solution provider
In addition to giving your kiddo as heads up before you have to leave somewhere I set a timer on my phone. This way, they hear it themselves and know it’s time to go because the timer has gone off not because I’m telling them. This way we are on the same team and I can empathize with them. We say goodbye to all the piece of the playground (goodbye slide etc. ) like the Goodnight Moon book and finish by saying “till next time!” So she knows we can revisit another day :). Thank you for this article amazing examples so helpful
Oh my goodness!! Hello there!! I’m so relieved I found you. I’m a mom of 3 boys. I got a 4 year old, 2 year old, and a 4 month! I have to tell you that stress hits me hard lately and I ended up resorting up yelling or feeling like I need to hit them to understand. But I started perusal your articles and Oh My Lord!! Thank you. You explain things in such a clear way and I’ve been practicing positive disciplining all week. I notice a HUGE difference in their behavior and the way they communicate with each other. My husband and I even use it on each other in front of them and my oldest literally dropped his jaw at it hahah. I am looking forward to more articles! ❤️
I’m 26 weeks pregnant with our first, and while I feel a little overwhelmed already, I’m very grateful for your clear directions and understanding. It’s comforting when you say things like, “It’s going to take time to implement” or realizing that not all kids will be easy. So thank you for a realistic, grounded approach! I was a difficult kid, and I don’t want my child growing up feeling ashamed of or unable to express their feelings to me like I was with my parents. Definitely going to be perusal your series.
Thank you for these articles. I’m a yeller and feel guilty and frustrated and confused as to how to handle my four children 24/7 and I end up hurting them and nothing works. As tough as it is for me I’m going to begin implementing these strategies today and really try to test this out and change this trajectory. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👍🏻
1. In regards to getting dressed, sometimes, it’s better not to fight and let your child deal with the consequences of his or her choice. Does your child refuse to put on a coat? Fine. Explain that she’s going to be cold outside, but don’t fight it if she still refuses. Being cold on one outing isn’t going to be the end of the world (and the real issue is going to be going between the car and whatever store(s) you’re visiting anyway since most stores are kept warm enough and the coat shouldn’t be worn in the carseats). 2. If your child is refusing to go to school/daycare and is putting up a fuss (especially if it is an ongoing issue or something that has happened suddenly with little to no warning), you may need to talk to your child’s teacher. A sudden shift in behavior and a refusal to go to school/the sitter’s house/daycare could be a sign of something else going on. It doesn’t necessarily indicate a sign of abuse. There could be a child who is a little rough with the other students or maybe the special guest who came in with the wild animals scared your child. It could also be something as simple as evening routine being a blur of get home, eat dinner, bath, and bedtime; your child may simply need more quality time with you (so many kids are in school from 8am to 6pm; the only time at home is either getting ready for school or getting ready for bed). 3. If your child’s issue is also keeping the carseat straps in place, you may have to take more drastic measures, including getting a chest clip lock.
Was waiting for Kylie the entire.video esp after the thumbnail.. 🙂 she is adorable Loved the content. “Being emotionally available and helping the child with their emotions” it amazes me how raising out kids the way we want to needs us to become better people. That’s why I feel parenting is the most challenging and satisfying thing I’ve ever done.
I have a 4year old kid and she is studying in a proper Montessori school here in India….I am learning so much from your articles as I still am not able to take the Montessori philosophy at home… Edit: Although with every article i feel i should have started early on…feel like at 4 years she has already grown up and formed her own opinions!!!
I am a mother to a 15 month old and a one month old. These techniques have helped me so much. They have also helped my husband and I, find common ground in parenting styles. With your articles I have completely changed my sons room, toy arrangements and started potty training at 15 months. Thank you so much for your insight and willingness to share information to other parents seeking to implement the Montessori method!
Ive been trying to implement your advice and lifestyle into mine and my daughters life. She is almost 3,5 years old. I notice that she notices a difference in the way I communicate with her, and that I am a bit “softer” now, or less strict, and I feel that this gives her the option to express herself more, even though she has become more whiny or “disobedient” in lack of a better word (Im from Sweden) and being a single parent I am trying my hardest to be patient with her when she is testing her boundaries in a completely different way now, and sometimes I really struggle with it. But we will get there eventually and the more I learn from your articles the better our lives will be. I am very happy that my daughter now feels that she can express her emotions more to me and showing me that trust, and it feels nice to be able to prove to her in a better way, that I care about her feelings. Thank you!
My son (age 4) wouldn’t get dressed, he had his underpants on, but that was it, & no matter what I said & did he would not get dressed. I tried to dress him but he just threw a massive tantrum. So I just picked him up ( as I was starting to lose my temper / patience ) & went off to the supermarket, put him in the trolley & did my shop. He was dead quite, never said anything & sat perfectly still in the trolley. He now gets dressed by himself as soon as he has made his bed. He has never thrown another tantrum about clothing & he makes sure that he is 100% dressed before he comes downstairs. I laugh about it now but at the time I was fuming 😂😂😂😂
This was helpful. For the most part our daughter is a wonderful and respectful child. She’s 4. She’s articulate. She’s out-going. She will tell people: “I like your shirt” or “Your hair color is pretty”. But, she does give us struggles with putting clothes on and brushing her hair. Although, I think we are making progress with her hair. She received a hair brush with soft bristles, like those on a wet brush. It’s travel-sized and there is a plushy pink and purple colored cat on it. We pretend that the cat is so hungry and wants to eat the rats in her hair. She loves this and it makes brushing her hair enjoyable for her. I Have to retrain myself. Now, if I can only get my Husband on-board. He’s accustomed to yelling, because his Dad yelled.
Hi Ashely! Putting Alex in a car seat is been a struggle pretty much since he was born, it finally got better, to the point where he doesn’t want to come out of the car seat :D! Parenting is not an easy job but I feel like it’s the most rewarding job in the world. I love the examples you used in the article, you are doing an amazing job with the Montessori series ❤️!
My heart thumps while perusal and listening to your article. 🙂 I have studied the Montessori Philosophy and taught in a Montessori school for 14 long years. I am a believer of this philosophy and I know that if one understands, embraces, and implements this from the heart, it will mold a child’s perspective about the world and himself. Your article brings back so much of memories and it gives me that nostalgic feeling of being in a Montessori environment school. 🙂 I’m a fan here!
Thank you so much for making articles like this. I grew up in a very toxic home and I never really learned how to deal with my own emotions. I am a new single mom of twin toddlers and your website has helped me figure how to parent and raise them the gentle, kind, connected way I’ve wanted to. I am so grateful you started this website and for every article you have posted! Thank you for all your hard work and insight!!
my experience w/ whining, is when someone experiences being blocked by the other, not heard, not wanted, not able to be accommodated by the other, not being understood, And as you say, not knowing what to do if they are used to one thing, and now expected to switch gears to another, especially if that means relying not themselves, like in independent play, when they are used to being catered to and always accompanied by a parent to play with, stimulate or entertain them, which i find many parents feel that is their role. many parents feel their child needs to be excited, super happy all the time, which is overstimulating, not grounding and really leaves the child at a loss. Appreciate your thorough coverage of each subject you address, simple and straight forward, thank you~
I am not a parent, although I have done a fair share of child care in my day. Some of these things I naturally do because my own mother did them with me even though I am sure she was not aiming for a Montessori philosophy specifically. I find your articles fascinating and insightful. While Montessori full on may not be for me personally, I find many of these methods to ring true and right for how I would want to interact with a child! Thank you for sharing your insight!
God sent me to your article. Everything except for the hitting are things I’m struggling with my girls and I literally started crying in your article. Thank you for the advice. I had a rough childhood so parenting has been a challenge for me and I feel my 4yr old pulling away from me. I don’t want her and I to end up like me and my mom so I knew something needed to be done but I didn’t know what. Your article has sent me in the right direction and I hope I can do damage control by implementing these techniques. Pray for us. Thank you
I needed this article so much. Thank you for putting this out there. Parenting this way while our goal has been difficult since neither myself or my husband were raised with any kind of gentleness “I’ll give you something to cry about” was what I grew up with. So hearing this is the kind of guide I need to figure out a different way, a better way. Thank you again!!!
I’m going to be first time grandma, my daughter is 3 month now, I’m been perusal your articles so I could do things differently when I become a grandma lol. Even though I did super good with my 2 daughter I could always learn and improve. Love your articles and those adorable daughter of yours 🥰🥰. Thank you
I just started working in a Montessori pre-school and I was having a hard time understanding this way of teaching. I am glad that I found your page because now I understand. We are understaff and no one explained anything to me. English is my second lenguaje and by perusal your articles I’m learning new vocabulary.
Hey gotta say I did this today after listening to your article last night and it worked!! each and every time. I’ve tried this before, but lately i’ve been a grumpy mama and so quick to yell, get frustrated and pass on my kids feelings and needs (not big needs, but those personal introspective needs). i needed this reminder and just a reset and your article did just that. all info in one spot!!! thank you and God Bless you and yours!!!
I have just found your articles and I am definitely going to be trying this first thing in the morning. I am a single mum to a 2 and 4 year old and I have found myself constantly shouting at them, telling them no and then that results in myself and my boys being tense, overwhelmed and screaming and shouting, I don’t want this for my boys, I want them to be able to know that no matter how they are feeling that their mummy is their safe place and not some grumpy, naggy monster. Thank you for these tips and I’m going to try my best to stick to this xx
Stumbled across you’re articles by accident- great accident! I’m struggling with my two year old twins at the moment, my boy twin doesn’t let me talk to other mums at the moment and am finding it hard to manage his Whining And Clinginess. He literally wouldn’t play on his own today, Once everyone left he was in his element. And went off to play 🤪Any more tips or advice would be greatly appreciated. Really enjoying your articles thank you for taking time out of your day to record these xx
I’m 14 and I can’t wait to have children I want a bunch of them when I’m in my 30s . I always watch these types of articles so I can’t be the best mom I can when it’s time . I literally can’t wait i feel like god put me on this earth to be a mommy and I can’t wait for god to bless me with some precious miracles from heaven 😇. Unfortunately I’m going to have to wait until I’m in my 30s because I’m gonna be a neurosurgeon and I’ll be in college/university for 11 years . 🥰😍
Thank you so much for this article!! My husband and I grew up with parents that parented very differently then the way that we want to parent so we have been struggling to get the gentle parenting style down. We have tried finding books to help, but often find that the books lack good examples of how to properly inplement ways of handling certain behaviors with toddlers.
I have a really independent 3 year old (she’s independent since she was born pretty much). This tips are soooo handy. They need routine to feel they have control over their life. The option A or option B works for everything means you are getting your way but they feel they have some control / choice. It doesn’t always work, we are only human, but most of the time it does work. Thanks for pulling all these tips together
I have a suggestion for the toothbrush situation (and other things). This is just what I personally think will work, I don’t know if it’s montessori, but it could be. Also, I don’t have children yet, but I have worked a lot with children. If you have a struggle, give two options and they can choose which they prefer (if it’s possible in the situation). For instance, ask will you brush your teeth or shall I do it (if they can do it themselves). And maybe, if they can’t do it themselves, you let them, because you give them the trust to do it themselves. And then afterwards you can say, give me the brush, I’ll do the last bits. And because you don’t have the struggle anymore, they’re ok with it. I don’t know, justm y thoughts on the situation 🙂
Wonderful! I bet there needs to be a lot of patience and understanding from the adult to respond in this manner, but the relationship with your child and overall happiness of your family will be soooo worth it. I feel like everyone wins. Will save this article for later to restudy when the time comes 🙂 Thank you Ashley~
I have a 3 year old boy in my in home daycare who has a lot of things we are working through together. I get sooo frustrated with him and I really needed this article today. 💜 I’ve never seen him have interest in doing anything for himself. Getting dressed is really hard, he wants to get dressed but he thinks he can’t do it and won’t try. Sometimes the way he looks at me when he asks for help breaks my heart because he truly believes he can’t do it. He also talks back like crazy…it’s one of my very big trigger buttons. He smashes materials into each other, be it toys, paint brushes, anything he’s using, and has broken things before. I stay calm, at least on the outside, and tell him it’s not safe or kind to break and smash toys….but he just says, “no,” or “how?” no matter what I say. There have been days I have called my husband crying because this little boy needs me to be there for him calmly and it’s so difficult when all I want to do is yell at him… it’s so hard some days to remember that I am the only one in his life who responds to him and helps him instead of reacting because I know his parents yell and hit. I’ve seen it. They don’t physically abuse in that area but it is their way of discipline and punishment, they’re basically the same in his family. This little boy is such a challenge for me… I am still learning to regulate my own emotions and I know I can not expect him to do it if I am still learning myself.
I came back here again for the 3rd time to refresh as once again more emotional development leading to difficult emotions slowly increasing at 15 months i am starting to see some disruptive expessions of frustration in my baby girl that i know she has learnt from my own behaviour. I am having to learn to manage my own meltdowns especially in front of her when i feel my needs are not being fulfilled still living in dependency with my mum. I feel i need to learn to use this on myself my mum and my Husband too. We all need to use respectful understanding with all our relationships
I enjoy perusal your articles a lot even though I’m not a parent right now. I studied early childhood development for my undergrad studies and one class touched on the Montessori method. This website is like food for my brain. I was wondering where your passion and knowledge of the Montessori method sprouted from? Did you go to a Montessori school as a child or were you a teacher in a Montessori school? Or you did a lot of research on it? One of the things I appreciate a lot in this article is that you talk about how children are developing their social and emotional skills and how that plays out in real life and how parents can guide them and care for them, especially with challenging behaviors like temper tantrums.
I found this so interesting. We adopted our ten year old daughter this summer and she came to us with what CYFD called “severe behavioral issues”. We have been very successful by focusing on our relationship, mutual respect and allowing for natural consequences. Positive discipline is so important. I realize now we have been using Montessori techniques. And, I wonder if my having attended a Montessori school as a child impacted this. I have to assume so, even though it wasn’t intentional!
What do you do when your child wakes WAY too early? My daughter woke at 4am…. let the dog out and woke me up and I gave her a lot of time to get ready for school / work and we had a great morning and then right before we had to leave she just really fought me and I totally lost it. Sometimes I get a little selfish and think to myself “I gave you so much time and you still can’t get ready/be on time” and I’m having a hard time getting over it.
i used to think that spanking was necessary. I always believed in not demanding them to share, and I always believed in treating them with respect to grow a healthy relationship. But my daughter was diagnosed with ODD. So I started researching better parenting techniques, I never knew any of this but it makes so much sense so I will be following these approaches. Thank you
I want to know how to handle your toddler when you’re using a phone and they’re coming for it & it ends up in a tantrum when you put it away? Should I just let her have her tantrum & then mini meltdown when I hide my phone away then distract her when she’s ready to go for a distraction? That’s what I am currently doing but not sure how good it is?
My sister gave in when her 2 year old refused to brush her teeth and in a year’s time, her kid ended up with 3 cavities. Filling a young child’s cavities goes two ways: hog tied or full body sedation. Both are ugly & horrifying. Ever since, my sister has pinned her daughter down to brush her teeth. It’s not negotiable and force will be used if necessary but she acknowledges the meltdown each time
I love this. I’m trying to discipline this way. Last week my 7 year old daughter spilled nail polish on her carpet and did not tell me. I found out by going in her room to get something. Well I put her on “punishment”. I didn’t yell or scream, but she was so upset she was just crying. Not screaming just crying. I hugged her and explained that I’m not upset that she spilled the nail polish bc we all make mistakes. I told her that I spilled nail polish before. But that she didn’t tell me. Anyway I kept hugging her til she felt better. We went to our fave ice cream place. We got ice cream. The punishment was no sprinkles. She didn’t care. Lol However, after perusal this article I should’ve let her have sprinkles. I’m gonna keep learning.
This article is such a treasure. I love how you give specific examples which common for all parents and kids. There are many parents like me who have the best intentions but don’t know how and where to start positive parenting and these real life example are a quick start to make things positive in the household. Please keep making such articles. Thank you!
One tip I learned that I’m curious on other opinions.. Someone suggested for things like wiping, brushing teeth, washing body, have the caretaker be the first to do the task, and say, hey do you think I missed any spots can you get the spots I missed. The reason a friend suggested it is so the child doesn’t feel like they didnt completely do the task properly, and that the guardian does it better. Then a BIG reward at the end of GOOD JOB you made sure no spots were missed.. and after a bit of time start to jump back and forth on them being first (so they can actually learn to properly do the task) but building the confidence they didn’t need help ~after~ they did it.. they did a good job!!
My daughter is 2 and her 3 year old and her 1 year old cousins always snatch toys off her. The 1 year old is non verbal and does not listen or even make eye contact when told (he is not autistic etc) and the 3 year old can be a little violent (he has hit and bite me before as well as push my daughter and his parents does nothing). My daughter is only starting to talk and sometime she cant stand up for herself. Kids can be so horrible and its so hard to communicate with them.
I don’t know how your website got in my recommended but I am so thankful!!!! Everything you are talking about in this article I can relate to happening to my son. He is a little harder to disciple but I swear when you started talking about how to react as a parent as far as discipline i was shocked because i have done a lot of these disciplinary exercises with my boy. I am so happy to have found what I already implement and I had no idea it had a name. I just thought I was teaching him the way I feel I would have wanted to learn as a child. I was spanked as a kid and it breaks my heart to think of doing it to my son. So I’m glad to have found this article and your website and can feel like what I am teaching him is affective and others are doing it too. Thanks again.
Thank you for talking about your child hitting/bitting you. My son is 1.5 years old and he just recently started doing this and it has been extremely frustrating and painful. I was also worried this was not normal. Thank you for giving me the peace of mind that it’s totally normal. Thank you for these ideas as well. My only problem is when I tell my son “that’s not very nice, it hurts when you bite mommy” my son thinks it’s funny and laughs and wants to do it again to keep laughing Any tips?
I love positive parenting. All of these tips really do work!. However, sometimes “mommy-ing”(parenting) is hard.. Specially when pregnant or have a newborn and other children. As a mom or a parent, you can only spread yourself so far. So if you follow positive parenting for the majority, and when your are pregnant or have a newborn, and you loose your patience from being tired or need a break. And daycare or someone elses help is not available, letting your child watch tv or eat junk for a day or two is OKAY!. I struggle with feeling guilty for days like this. But when this momma needs a day to do nothing or to relax, im learning that I can do it and continue being as positive and calm another day. Children will still misbehaviour a little after the rest day but if you continue to use positive parenting styles and get back to an established routine than the following days get easier. Parenting is hard. It is a full time job, and parents need a “sick day” or time off to rest. 🙂
For me its my 9 month old, she’s starting to fall out kicking when upset. I didn’t think it would start this young, but it’s here. So I’m not exactly sure what to do, but I do talk to her through these situations. With her being so young I just redirect most of the time. Especially if it’s something she wants and can’t have.
For parents struggling to brush teeth. I let my son brush his teeth and I tell him to let me tickle his teeth, he usually will giggle and hand it to me. When he bites down on toothbrush as I’m brushing I ask him to show me his dinosaur or lion teeth rawr and he usually will open up. I also ask him to stick his tongue out like a giraffe and he will and I’ll brush his tongue then I ask him again if he wants to try and he usually will try and brush his teeth again and then I put the toothbrush up.
Thanks for this, super useful as a refresh! Sometimes we just need reminding of these methods as the day to day can get you off course and you’re left wondering at which step you went wrong! It’s so wonderful to see how the methods you talk about really encourage a child’s independence and their ‘want’ to get involved and give stuff a go. Thank you
Your positive discipline article was God sent! It helped me sooooo much when I got my foster baby back and she had learned some “new” behaviors. I was able to correct the behavior using your positive discipline techniques, and I saw results within a week or less!🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾 Thank you soooooo much! 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾💖💛💖💖
I just wanted to say thank you! This is the most helpful article I have found so far, Im new to Montessori parenting. For someone who wasn’t raised like this it’s very hard to understand what to do in these situations. But honestly u just answered all of my current problems with my kids!!!(4 kids 17,12,7,3) so thank u.
Thank you! This is what I needed to hear and learn to improve my relationship with my child. I try gentle parenting, but I am always struggling with words. Your detailed advice with examples for sentences that can be used in difficult situations now help me navigate through tantrums etc. I can now be more confident with our parenting and love it ❤️ Many, many thanks!
honestly, wow. this is so good!! this way of parenting was not something I have ever experienced. I am binging your articles and hope to implement this soon. My son is almost 18 months, have you noticed this is something that is easier when they are a bit older and can understand reasoning more? I feel like where we are right now this is a little ahead of him.
For Brushing Teeth….I found it to be very helpful to use the “Taking Turns” technique. When my 2 yr old son does not want to brush his teeth I tell him that it my turn to brush his teeth, then when I’m finished he can “take his turn” either brushing his own teeth or brushing my teeth (this can make brushing teeth a silly and fun experience for both of us:))
I found being specifik when goin in or going out help. “We are gonna go out” so much u can do and small children might not know what to expect and look forward too. “we are gonna go out and play in the park, play in the swing” this is specifik and the kid will be able to picture the event and want to join u.
Thank you so much! A lot of these helped me shift my process from reacting the usual way Regarding store shopping, what can I do when they just want to get out of the cart? I have to do the shopping, and have no one else to watch the LO. I can go back to the car, but then when I try to put kiddo back in the basket, he will cry/ fit. Also when we are leaving a fun place, and even though he was told we were going to leave in a little bit, he screamed, kicked, cried yelled and I could not hold him enough to get him back in the car.
THANK YOU for sharing this. I am having some severe trouble with my oldest who is now 4. We have an 8 month old and I noticed a worsening in his behavior. I’ve noticed a lot of his aggression and hyperactivity is just due to him being very active and needing to move. But, the aggression for no apparent reason to the baby has made me lose my cool too often.
Nice and I’d add that explaining why is very respectful I feel. It can feel upsetting and controlling to be told or implied “because I said so” over and over by someone with a huge power dynamic over us. So being given a reason and hearing that the reason has care about it makes a huge difference. And (the article did mention this) some form of options when possible for the child to have some sense of control and autonomy still involved. For example, if someone always resists or dreads brushing teeth, it could help to when not tooth-brushing time read a book or write and draw a little story together in a light, warm, maybe even playful way about tooth brushing time and feelings about it and how it helps teeth and the body be healthy, learning about reasons for it, also validating about how the kid in the story may feel sad or mad or distracted or nervous or whatever about it and feelings are okay. Maybe there’s some awesome book or Daniel Tiger episode on that or something.
You always have great advice, I have a 15month old and she has been doing so great with a lot of the methods I try to introduce into our lives. For example I ask my daughter “can I have that please” when I want something that she has and she hands me the item no problem just to hear me say “thank you” but outside the home, family says “give me that” when she has something they want and she will get upset when they snatch it from her hands… I always try to correct them but they dont change… it’s so hard to get others to jump on our lifestyle.
I’m a highschool student (going into junior this year) learning about child development/guidance, because I want to work with kids somehow when I’m older. And in child dev, for our last assignment this school year, we were learning about this particular method in schools, and upon further research I found out it’s a lifestyle that people still use today!! I find it uber interesting, and I wouldn’t mind disciplining my own kids this way! I grew up with a very authoritarian household until recently and I always am looking for new and better ways to teach and discipline/guide children, and this is such a helpful article. Even though I don’t plan on having kids or anything like that soon, it;s fun to learn about this!!
This article is so amazing I was not raised right and I’m still Learning as a mother how to deal with my own anger when it comes to my 2 year old daughters melt downs I was so gentle with her but I do raise my voice to much and tell her no alot im definitely going to follow this positive discipline thank you for sharing this 💕
Oh this is just how I parent already lol but my mom did teach at a Montessori school when I was young before moving to elementary. I’m here for the “leaving the park” part but found that’s literally what I do. 🙂 I’m finding it so funny that this is already my parenting style and yet I’m constantly worried I’m doing everything completely “wrong”. 😅
I have a 20 month old boy and I’m just learning all this! I have a hard time with discipline and with responding and not reacting. I’ve been trying to doing my best. I have such a hard time with my son right now especially with putting his coat on. It’s always a meltdown and my mother in law watches my son when I’m working and let’s him do whatever! So I’m struggling a lot 😔
Could you make a article about the alternatives for apologies? I’m very interested in this but I can’t think of many alternatives. Could you explain some alternatives when the offense is between family members vs at school? What alternatives would you recommend for siblings, cousins, etc vs “can you get a teacher for this teacher please?” I guess to keep going with that. When they’re old enough to say hurtful things. What reactions do you recommend/alternatives you can teach your children family vs strangers?
Wow, thank you so much for this! I watched your other article first of “Positive Discipline.” I’m a first-time, single mom and my baby girl is 16 months old and is in the super defiant toddler stage with melt downs and hitting or hair pulling (but an otherwise very sweet and loving girl). I was trying to look for “good” ways to discipline her since this is not ok behavior and I don’t believe in spanking. The worst I do is short time-outs (maybe 2 minutes) where I close the baby gate and she’s just separated from me (which she hates) or I put her in the playpin while I sit separate from her explaining why I put her there (“you need to listen to me. I’m trying to keep you safe” or “It’s bedtime right now, we’re going to go to bed now. If you want to play you can play in your playpin”). She usually has a huge fit and let her cry it out and then pick her up and comfort her and apologize and again explain why I did that. But this even bothers me, because I’m not sure if it’s the best for her emotional well-being, but has been affective in changing her behavior. If you have an opinion on that I’m all ears. You listed quite a few books. Is there one that you would recommend to start with or one for people new to this type of discipline?
Like a lot of ideas of how you suggested approaching different scenarios-however when you state that it is worth taking a few minutes longer when dealing with a child who doesn’t want to put on his/her shoes….try like 1-1.5hrs on avg.! you(anyone) cannot understand this as big issue if you don’t have a very defiant and strong willed child…we experienced this for days, weeks, months everyday coming and going- needless to say I do appreciate your reminder about being patient in the circumstance.
My daughter is 3 and still uses a high chair. She eats much better if confined to the chair or in a car seat, mostly because she’s bored enough and can’t just escape the unpleasantness of mealtime, and because it might make her feel safer with the compression. I’d love her to do silly things with her food. Any positive interaction with food is a win, I celebrate when she just touches it. Taking the food away would not work for her, because that is what she wants. To escape the food. To control and get the one bit of food she will eat. But we are dealing with severe SPD and issues with chewing and oral motor skills. Appreciate the ideas here, especially regarding ways to get them to help or feel empowered and how to handle misbehaving or tantrums or whining. It frustrates me when my MIL demeans or shames her for having a sensory meltdown or a regular tantrum or not eating. I definitely take a different approach.
I absolutely loved this and loved that you gave specific examples. That helps me visualize the situation and hopefully remember when the time comes. Wow I just learned so much! You should make a course! I don’t say everything right or do everything right but I have found empathizing with my daughters emotions and giving her “toddler appropriate jobs” throughout the day has pretty much removed tantrums for us. 🙌🏻 My toddler is having trouble with independent play and whines..do you have any tips for getting her to play by themselves in her room?
I think I’m pretty calm while brushing my little ones teeth, she tries I can see her wanting to work with me but she has really emotive eyebrows (which reeeeally helps me figure out what she’s feeling) and with brushing she gets really confused because anything that’s went near her mouth in the past has been food or toys…she’s also at the stage where she’s copying everything I do so…I sit and make absolutely ridiculous faces to get her to smile 😁 and her smile is MASSIVE
A few comments about what you have said. It’s also respectful to others in the public to remove a misbehaving child from the public. It’s not all about the child and how they’ll see the child. The child has a responsibility in Society. If a child is persistently misbehaving try magic 1 2 3. Look it up. I’d be curious to know if there are any Montessori raised people who could comment back about the outcome of their upbringing.
Something that I heard from another YT article about whining that I thought I would share. From the time a child is born to the time that they are verbal, they have learned that if they cry, wail, or whine etc. thats how they get your attention. So now that they are verbal they still don’t think that you understand them, because you haven’t in the past. So now you just need to assure them that you do now understand them, and they now longer need to whine, or cry or wail, etc.
I use alarm clock to set limits on certain activities. They kind of like it and it saves me from being seen as annoying for being the one who interrupts the things they like to do. Something else I find very helpful is to remind them of leisure time as much as I remind them of their obligations. It makes me sound less like the bad guy.
I know some people don’t really understand the Montessori method as far as sharing goes, but you really need to put yourself in that child’s place. Imagine you’re working on a report for your job and someone comes and takes the computer with no warning saying “it’s Johnny turn now!” I guarantee you’ll be frustrated. Children will get even more frustrated because they’re still learning how to manage their emotions. Kids do take playihg serious like a job.
I LOVE your website, thank you!!!! My son has recently taken to telling me to stop talking, usually when I’m trying to talk to my husband… I know he wants attention so I have been acknowledging that and telling him that once I’m done talking I will give him some attention… but it’s becoming more and more common, any ideas?
I automatically parent in most of these ways. I still lose my temper sometimes but I always apologize when I do. We also use good/bad choices. Instead of making them feel like they’re bad for choosing something they shouldn’t, we let them decide if it was a good or bad choice and we acknowledge that everyone (even mommy and daddy) make bad choices at times but it’s how you redeem yourself after (apologizing, changing behaviors, etc) that determines what kind of person you are. I always remind them that they’re good kids but sometimes they make bad choices and that’s okay, we just have to change that behavior. It works and they rarely repeat that behavior for us. We refuse to use any physical form of punishment because kids can learn, we just need to teach them.
I love how informative your articles are! I am binge perusal them and learning OH SO MUCH! I’m happily already doing some of the things you have suggested but I have so much to change. I am excited for positive disciplining my toddler. Question though: At what age would you say is ok to let them go to bed hungry? I have a fairly lean 2 year old and I want to set the limits regarding proper meal time behavior but am never sure if the age is right to say “ok, meal time is over for you”. And how would you handle night time waking as a result of hunger?
Thanks for awesome article! Can you please suggest anything I can say or do with my child when I try to move from total chaos at home to Montessori arrangement home. Since I bet that my child will still try to make a mess round the house. Of course I will explain and talk about everything how things gonna work from now on, but I am not sure if its enough.
Hi there, this article was very informative. Thank you. I am working with a six year old boy. He is very curious and asks questions all day. I’ve been answering his questions as much as I can, because I want to foster his curiosity about the world, and his need to learn. It is becoming a problem with regards to behavior though. I noticed in your article you say to validate the child’s feelings, and then continue with what needs to happen. What about if the child is continually questioning the reasons behind your every decision. How much do you allow questions, and how much do you assert control? I tend to say ‘I’ve explained why this needs to happen, we need to now leave the park’, or ‘I understand that you are curious about that, but it’s rude to ask someone that’. Does this seem balanced? By me allowing him to question everything, I feel that the dynamic has changed for the worst.
WOW! Amazing article! I have a question though, my daughter is 2 years old and I have made quite a few mistakes with her like not being regular with brushing, snatching things from her hands, yelling at her. How do I undo my mistakes?? She doesn’t listen to me anymore. I have not empathized previously but I have been trying now, not sure if its working but it may be because I haven’t been consistent.
Thanks for the article. Seems very applicable to toddlers through teens. Got any tips or article on how to apply this to older kids and other adults without being patronizing? (Maybe it will be a few years before your kids are of that age, but has this narrating, empathy and wish promising worked or not with friends or adult family members.) Ps in my house “preventive maintenance” applies to cleaning usually, vs your warning or heads up examples. Catching crumbs or spills of food on plate or cloth napkin so it doesn’t have to be cleaned up off table or floor later. Wiping off dirty cooking hands before opening cabinets so the handles don’t get food gunk on them, etc.
I have 2 questions regarding this method (im not a parent but I do babysit) 1. How do you remember to remain so calm? I was raised the “traditional” method of yelling at the child, snatching away toys, etc so I often sense the urge to do the same with the children I’m babysitting. 2. What do you do about young children, like under 18 months? The 13 month old I babysit has had (infrequent, but still present) issues of biting, hitting people, throwing food, etc. Do you still use the same methods, especially because they don’t understand you at that age?
I am so grateful for coming across your website! Thank you for making these articles! I struggle like most parent with full positive discipline. Somethings my kids do really pushes my buttons and i forget about the positive approach and i just want to yell, but then i feel awful if i do and i know the kids feel awful too. Thank you ever so much for these articles, they really help.