Individual growth in a relationship is possible and essential for the overall success of the relationship. A healthy relationship encourages personal growth by supporting interests and goals outside the partnership, creating an environment that promotes growth. Couples can maintain excitement in their relationship by engaging in novel experiences that promote personal growth. Sharing in each other’s unique interests and skills helps optimize self-growth in a relationship.
In happy relationships, people typically feel that they are growing as a person due to being in the relationship. However, individuals need time on their own for personal growth and maintain independence within the confines of a relationship. This article will discuss effective communication, setting shared goals, embracing change, and keeping the relationship exciting.
Supporting your partner’s growth involves encouragement, understanding, and space to pursue their interests. If your partner uplifts you and wants you to improve yourself, then yes, you can. The best relationships will enhance your personal growth by supporting you, encouraging you, and pushing you to improve.
Bringing a more relaxed, joyful version of yourself into your relationship helps soften the harder edges and invites more openness and honesty. Be respectful of each other’s differences and share your thoughts and feelings, even when difficult.
In a healthy, trusting, and respectful relationship, you can focus on yourself and your personal growth without having to give up any of your own interests. Research shows that couples can maintain excitement in their relationship by jointly engaging in novel experiences that promote personal growth.
📹 The Self Improvement Relationship Trap
Self Improvement Forum (free): https://www.skool.com/adonis-gang Self Improvement School (paid): …
Can you love someone but grow apart?
Relationships can grow apart, even if they are deeply in love, leading to confusion and frustration. Angela Amias, a couples therapist and co-founder of Alchemy of Love, emphasizes that relationships are living things that require care and attention. Life’s busy schedules can make it easy for life responsibilities and daily tasks to interfere with a relationship’s growth. Therefore, love alone may not be enough to maintain a healthy relationship.
Can you grow individually while in a relationship?
To foster independence in a long-term relationship, it is essential to give yourself space to grow both together and separately. While relationships complement us, they do not complete us. Prioritize solo time during growth seasons, treating it as breathing room to process change and return to your relationship with clarity. This space may be temporary or weeks apart, depending on the relationship.
Relying on your community and relationship resources can be necessary during difficult times when growing together is hard. No couple is an island, and there may be times when you feel stuck or your partner’s growth doesn’t make sense to you. It is crucial to recognize that no couple is an island and that there may be times when you feel like your partner is growing in ways that don’t make sense to you or when you find yourself changing in ways that feel impossible to articulate.
Can you find yourself while in a relationship?
In a committed relationship, it is possible to find oneself and evolve, as healthy relationships grow. When in a committed relationship, there is room for self-discovery. However, the need to “find yourself” can sound like a flimsy excuse for not wanting to be with someone. Experts agree that it’s akin to “it’s not you, it’s me”, but if the person is sincere about their need for space, it’s a clear message that they feel hindered by the relationship.
Is it possible to grow while in a relationship?
To optimize self-growth in a relationship, partners should share in each other’s unique interests and skills. This merging encourages each partner to take on each other’s characteristics, quirks, interests, and abilities to some extent. Romantic partners have different life experiences, knowledge bases, perspectives, and skills, each offering opportunities for growth. For example, if your partner has a better sense of humor, yours will likely improve, and your ability to put together a room will evolve.
Similarly, if your partner has a different view on climate change, politics, or religion, your understanding will deepen. However, it is not necessary to completely merge, as each person can maintain their identity while augmenting it with desirable elements from their partner. Research shows that couples with more self-expansion have better relationships, including more passionate love, satisfaction, commitment, physical affection, greater sexual desire, less conflict, and happier sex life.
Can you learn yourself while in a relationship?
Self-love is an ongoing process that can be beneficial in relationships, as it promotes confidence and self-care. It is essential to prioritize self-love and care for oneself, as it makes one more pleasant to be around. In a healthy relationship, it is crucial to maintain balance and equality, respecting both partners’ feelings, needs, and desires. It is essential to make time for self-love and prioritize self-care to maintain a healthy, happy relationship.
Can you fall in love in 2 weeks?
Falling in love is an emotional and biochemical state that is a combination of sexual attraction and psychological attachment. It is a temporary experience, but it is not the same as being in love. Cheryl Fraser, a psychologist and creator of Become Passion, explains that the brain plays a significant role in this state, as it is triggered by infatuation. The brain chemistry and functionality of a person in love can mimic that of someone with drug addiction or obsessive compulsive disorder.
When experiencing this intense feeling, it is important to enjoy the high but not make life-changing decisions until you return to Earth. It is essential to remember that feelings for others may have ended, and it is crucial to remember that you may have fallen out of love with others and ended things.
Can you become a better person while in a relationship?
Over time, a partner’s sense of humor, interior design skills, and differing views on climate change, politics, or religion can improve your relationship and help you become a better person. However, it’s important not to completely merge with your partner, as this may lead to losing yourself. Instead, maintain your identity while incorporating desirable elements from your partner. Research shows that couples with more self-expansion have better relationships, including more passionate love, satisfaction, commitment, physical affection, greater sexual desire, less conflict, and happiness with their sex life. When expanding relationships end, individuals often feel like they have lost a part of themselves, while less-expanding relationships lead to positive emotions and growth.
Is personal growth possible in a relationship?
Respecting individual growth paths is crucial in relationships, as it fosters mutual understanding and strengthens the bond between partners. Personal growth is a continuous process, and embracing it together can lead to a deeper and more fulfilling relationship. Nurturing a relationship through personal growth involves open communication, sharing goals and challenges to build trust, supporting each other by encouraging and celebrating achievements, engaging in activities promoting personal development, and being patient with personal growth. By embracing this process, both partners can create a supportive environment for mutual growth and development, ultimately leading to a deeper and more fulfilling relationship.
Is it possible to grow in love with someone?
Being in love can lead to long-term love, as it allows for a deeper sense of love over time as both partners commit to the relationship. Couples often feel the flutters of being in love after years together, indicating that a healthy relationship can hold a long-lasting bond. Each partner makes sacrifices to meet each other’s needs, enjoying aspects of each other that bring out the best versions of themselves. This enjoyment motivates them to grow together, take risks, and improve each other’s lives.
“Letting go of old fantasies makes room for wonderful surprises”, says McCoy. By loving each other and encouraging each other to grow in their own ways, surprises may be in store. Mutual respect and compassion create an emotional foundation between partners, allowing a relationship to transform into an exciting, life-long commitment.
Is it possible to improve yourself while in a relationship?
The process of enhancing one’s personal growth within a romantic partnership necessitates a commitment to self-care and introspection. However, it is crucial to acknowledge that one’s partner can serve as a source of assistance during challenging periods, providing guidance and support.
Can you grow together in a relationship?
Growing together as a couple involves actively improving oneself and sharing a life together. It involves supporting each other’s personal growth and development, deepening bonds, understanding each other, and intimacy. It is crucial to have a life outside of each other to avoid losing your unique identity and over-dependence on each other for happiness, fulfillment, and well-being. Remember that you are yours before your partner’s, and pursue your interests, goals, hobbies, and other relationships.
Leave room for personal evolution and change, recognizing that you and your partner are bound to change and grow over time. Allow yourself to grieve past versions of yourself and be willing to adapt and grow alongside each other. Encourage each other to pursue new interests and goals, maximize personal potential, and become better versions of themselves. Celebrate each other’s growth and milestones.
📹 Have You Outgrown Your Relationship?
Have you ever wondered if you’ve outgrown your current relationship? Personal growth is a natural part of life, and sometimes it …
I disagree with Hamza about “every guy works out to get a girlfriend.” I personally know that I don’t want a girl right now. I train so I don’t feel the way I did – smaller, weaker than everyone else, no skill in any sport etc. Getting a girl should be a side effect of self improvement, not the goal. I think me being a Muslim also plays a part in this – same thing with me and my Muslim friends. Aight rant over.
I broke up with my girlfriend yesterday she was really toxic and depressive her bad energy would screw me over and even though I was there for her all the time she said i wasn’t and it wasn’t enough … man I can’t describe how good I feel it’s like I got a energy boost thank you hamza because of your articles I took the decision of ending this shit
Hey man just wanted to say that I extremely appreciate your work. I don’t know if you’re genuine in what you’re saying or if you’re doing it just to sell your workout routines but either way you actually really motivated me and made me start working out. I was always a very blackpilled type of person. I’m 5’6″ with below-average looks and I always felt like it’s over for me. I just recently started working out and I feel an enormous change in my mentality. I’m sleeping better, eating better, I’m more social, more confident and active in general. So thanks a lot as your articles were the starting point for me to actually get my priorities straight instead of just sitting on my ass working a 9-5 job and playing article games all day.
100% agree on having your girlfriend complementing your purpose. Also I think it’s important that you and your girl don’t just have fun in your down time on dates etc. The real test is how you work together when putting in that work e.g self improvement, career progression, setting and accomplishing future goals. My current relationship is one where we were strong apart but we are even stronger together. She helped keep me motivated and focused during my uni exams last year which allowed me to get a first class. Then once we graduated we were on the same page around wanting to live together, reading each other’s cvs and talking about any issues. Now we are about to move to our second bigger place together and now we are both loving our work and still want to keep grinding for more together 🤙🏼 So yeah big up this mentality of having your relationship make your grind even harder 🙏🏼
Few days ago I got a comment from my cousins wife on how much I changed in last 4 years how I became more social, more open and confident. That made me feel soo happy and it was the first time I felt like someone noticed the change. Im glad I found ur articles they rly help a lot and Im glad to hear that there are people with simmilar ideas and goals as me. Thank you Hamza🙏🏼
My boyfriend met me during his self improvement journey but I’m not a trash girl…. I’m also on my self improvement journey and I did see him stop focusing his energy on working on himself and I encouraged him to keep going to the gym, keep working on himself and keep grinding because that’s what I’m doing. Don’t assume every girl is trash, there is a girl that could also be your support system and push you to do far better than you thought and go through the journey with you. For any girls on here who are trying to improve separately but from within your relationship, YOU ARE GOLD!
I love Hamza but please don’t take the advice in this article. I’m 19, my girlfriend is 18. She meditates and eats healthy and goes to the gym. You don’t need to be in your peak self improvement to attract women lmao. They are attracted to masculine drive and momentum. Jeff Bezos is SUPER high status, but I don’t think women are getting wet for him.
I know most of the ppl here like him so much, his contents and the way he talks. But I somehow feel a bit off with him, and I’m not sure why. I feel he’s lowkey full of himself, extremely cocky in real life and pretentious in front of the camera. Like I could totally imagine him being that way by the way he talks. And I wouldn’t be surprised if he has little or no friends in real life… but just my blind assumptions.
Really enjoyed this piece of advice: We will never burden our future selves with our work. Our future selves get to enjoy the fruits of our labour. We do not burden him with the work we didn’t do today, that’s how we get depression. That’s why most people hate their lives. Because they don’t think about their future selves. If you missed today’s workout, own it, be disappointed, you can’t “catch” up. There is no “catching up” . Hold your hands up and say okay I messed up. “Oh I can get 30s of pleasure to enjoy today, to fuck up our future selves” Do all your delayed gratification activities first before you do any fun activities.
What the fuck.. that beginning was so aimed at me it’s crazy. I had this girl that was chasing me for months telling me she liked me n shi even after I rejected her. Then finally I decided to get to know her and started focusing a lot more on her to the point I was overlooking my own self improvement.. that’s when she left and this article helped me realize this holy fuck
By making your mental health and personal growth a priority, you will heal much faster. I understand that this can be hard to do, especially if you have little ones to look after. However, if you do have little ones to look after, it’s even more crucial that you take care of yourself first. This is so you are fully able to take care of others. 💙YouTuber That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
This vlog is for men however ad a woman who lost over 20lbs by heathy eating and exercising I can relate minus being a fuck woman lol. My sexual aspect of my life went up 1000%, I am getting alot of attraction without posting photos on social media. On work, on the streets however I love the attention but I am not interested. Continuing my journey however I can’t lay with a man who is attracted to me now. I often feel when I was fat I never saw these guys now I am loosing my weight and being the best I can be don’t feel I pull my draws down for your ass hell no. Lol 2 years being single and I love it.
Summary: at the beginning of self-improvement, you’re gona attract average girls with a girl, you have more opportunities to do bad habits it’s an emotional investement this will take away something of your self-improvement but “fuck-boy-lifestyle” is just for your ego, and they are probably trash, you don’t want them for a relationship goals and purpose above women, because they make you attractive “self-improvement is litarally just about improving everything that you can improve that you want the results of” “delayed-gratification-activities first before you do any of the fun activities” –> so at the end of the day when you’re meeting a woman, you’ve already done everything, now you can be present you’re the decision maker my comments: i think it’s better meeting or getting to know a woman in person, so you see them in reallife and you’re going to talk to them, not with datingapps
Hi Hamza, not sure if this is a rebuttal to any specific point, but I’d encourage you to check out Christianity and the Bible. For my journey, God has been the #1 driving force behind my personal growth. Here’s a Proverb from the Bible that your article reminded me of: “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17.
Great article as always Hamza, I learned in this article that you should inevitably no matter what choose your purpose and mission over your relationship with your woman. Because as you’ve showed to us earlier on in the article of the graph that as your progress goes up, your relationship with your woman will also skyrocket. And for this knowledge, I am grateful. Thank you Mr. Hamza Ahmed!
I thought this article was about something completely different lol if this is how men focused in self improvement think, I don’t believe they make good partners. Life is a journey, sometimes you meet wonderful people that lift you up, it doesn’t matter if you’re not a “better” version of yourself. Yeah yeah work on your goals and whatever, but do not think a relationship is a burden. If it feels like that it just wasn’t a good one
i like the article but some things you say are kind off feeding into toxicity towards yourself which is not a good thing if you are trying to improve. Ofc you have to motivate yourself to hit the gym etc and its okay to develop guilt if you dont do these things. But seeing yourself as a pussy if you are not perfectly smashing your goals 100% of the time is just stupid and will only lead into a negative self image. You have to be able to forgive and accept yourself too to make progress
Your point about lifting for girls is mad flawed. Plenty of unfit men get women and there are plenty of fit men for do work their body for themselves. You have been insecure about your looks and that is fine, but everyday I see people who looked like the old you in loving relationship with girls on their level or lower. You also said you’ve been with women who are lower than you or put in low effort into their life. Just so you could get that loving relationship feeling….
Am I a beta for thinking that what you are saying is over complicating things? I believe that everyone you meet has lots to offer to you as long as you don’t settle. Even a 1/10 or 10/10 girl will have shit to teach you and I’m not talking sexual stuff. So all in all just don’t settle, keep working out, grinding the money and girls will follow
Damn dude, lots of negative energy here. Maybe this is what some people need to hear but you gotta chill out. There’s many reasons to workout, and you’re not “trash” unless by your own standard, but even then, your soul just is. There’s always room to grow, and realizing this is a part of greatness!
I’am 15 year old boy from brazil, i wish this content could be shown in my country in most ways because is too much informative for the majority of teenagers and it be could amazing to see people following the tribe more and more. I always recomend this website for my friends but unfortunately they don’t speak english… anyway, keep going king, WE CAN MAKE THIS BRAH thanks hamza, i very grateful of your job
Generally you’re speaking truth but one of the things in the start you’ve gotten completely wrong. The “fuccboi” lifestyle isn’t the same thing as having sex with multiple different partners. A “fuccboi” by definition is a guy who manipulates and lies to girls about his feelings towards them to get sex and then leave them/ghost them. A guy who is true and having sex with girls who are willing to have sex without a relationship and know this before anything intimate has happened is a COMPLETELY different thing. Please, go check your info and stop spreading things which demonize having sex out of a relationship as if it is not a basic human need just because you want to make yourself “more valuable” for seeking a relationship instead. Some people look for relationships, others don’t. And you are not more valuable for liking one more than the other.
yo hamza can you give a more detailed guide on fitness? I downloaded the app and applied ur templets there but im a bit confused about them, like i cant find some exercises on youtube and sometimes i also dont know if its like 8-12 reps or 12-15 so i’d appreciate it if you could make clearer guide on the workout specifically. If it doesnt matter too much ill just lift and eat the right things but im an overthinker and this kind of stuff is killing me lol
You lack inner strength and it shows. Heal yourself for yourself to be the best version of yourself. You are looking for outside validation and you will miss out on real growth and happiness. What is the actual purpose behind all of your efforts to increase your SMV and get girls? Nothing you preach is sustainable forever and then all the time you are just missing out on what really matters in life. Forget about the black red and blue pill ideology and cherish the limited time we have to live in this life
Hey Hamza. I know this article was awhile ago, but I’m really in a tough spot and not sure what to do. I have a gf of Abt two years and I have improved my own life immensely over that time and have stuck to my routines and my goals, but have difficulty when she is opinionated on certain things and she is incredibly insecure (TikTok addict). I think she is an incredible person when she is healthy and in a good space, but at this time that’s not where she is, and it’s hurting our connection to each other, and I am not as attracted to her as much as I once was, but there is still some attraction as I know who she CAN be. Just looking for advice on what to do here, if you have any. If you don’t, I’ll put my head down and work it out alone and see what the resolution I’m looking for is.
serious qeustion, what if you are all ready surrounded by high quality women that have great habbits and value, and help improve you. would you wait until your even higher quality or get with them so they can help improve you and compliment your life. ik this is rare but what would you do? -Adonissssss
Bro I have been on this self improvement journey for 4 months now. I’m 23 and have now been with a girl for a month she’s 30yr doctor, super smart and super fit got all her shit together….never though it could happened this quickly but, the last part of the article where you said she should compliment you and you should never lose focus becuase of the love you are going share with that someone bro, I really feel that bro. Thx for the article couldn’t have come at a better time. Back on the gridset💪and keep doing these articles because you have no idea how many people you are helping me included. Many thx 🙏🙏🙏❤
I’ve had these thoughts for a while, because, when I first started a relationship, I was so happy, but later on, I started to feel kind of like how I used to feel before having one. I watched this article because I wanted to see if I could figure out for myself if it was time for the relationship to end, but now I know that isn’t the case. While things in the relationship could be better, they’re not at a point where the relationship should come to a close. Thank you for this article!
I think this idea of “outgrowing” a relationship is a fallacy. Its ultimately a lame excuse to just give up. Giving up is really what it is. I say this because we all literally constantly change. The couples that last forever learn to accept each other, compromise and always make room and time for each other. In other words, they consistently put in effort, and they both keep seeking peace with one another, so any lows don’t last too long. It takes self-control and learning how to actually be a healthy partner and to look out for your partner’s interests instead of thinking only of your own. Granted, in the cases of a partner growing into a more healthy partner while the other partner is still stuck on consistent unhealthy and hurtful habits like drugs or a lack of self-control or something would actually be considered outgrowing them. That would be a legitimate use of the word. I just think many people use this term as an excuse, when really they just didn’t want to put forth effort and figured it would just be easier to leave. Or they value something else more than their partner at the moment like a job or money or a place or being single. People are allowed to do these things, but its better to be honest about it, rather than call it outgrowing.
Despite what you are thinking right now the chances of someone outgrowing a relationship is slim. Even if they have poor communication, compatibility, or both. But what happens instead is people tend to grow distant from each other this happens especially to couples who don’t spend or don’t get to spend much time together. I’ve seen this happen multiple times to my friends and to a family member. They live together or are even married but rarely even talk to each other and instead of spending time together or being intimate, they’d rather be doing something else, like perusal sports matches with their friends which they don’t care for, or binging a mediocre web series they don’t even like. But It isn’t an incurable disease but the opposite is true. The spark that went out can be lit again and it will most likely burn even brighter. But it needs a little bit of effort from both sides. First things first, they have to communicate openly and with brutal honesty, if they can’t or aren’t willing to they’re probably better off splitting up. You tell me what’s better, being in a miserable relationship or being single, happy, and possibly finding someone you’ll click with? Secondly, I’d say it’s a good idea to start spending more time doing everyday things like getting groceries, going on walks in the evening, doing daily chores together, and things of that nature. Lastly, The best way to keep a relationship strong is to spend quality time together and lots of it. You don’t have to go to fancy dinners, or vacations, buy each other expensive things, or anything superficial like that (unless that’s something you genuinely enjoy) just try to do things both of you enjoy.
3:03 I was definitely in a codependent relationship. He has a lot of mental health issues, such as low self esteem and depression, etc. I don’t feel like I needed to be needed per say but I felt like I had to be there for him, be his rock but it did get exhausting sometimes. It could be quite draining to be around him sometimes because he’d start spiraling and I’d try to talk him down but he wouldn’t listen when he was in that state.
After years of knowledge buildup, i feel it is time to move on from a relationship that doesnt have much of a spark anymore. I have noticed the signs early on after high school, after that it took a few years for the cracks to grow as the flaws on how i started all of this showed, it did not happen to a great extent until the pandemic hit back in early 2020. That is when things started to go downward for us. 3 years after that, im ready to move on. there is more to say but its a bit complicated to explain here. Long story short when starting a relationship, do not forget to learn the basics of the other person (favorite food, sport teams, hobbies, music, books, ETC) before a sparkless communication problem happens later down the line.
How do i move on? I was in a relationship and things ended on “good” terms and we decided to still stay friends. I still love her but she doesn’t love me. I want to move on but its difficult. Honestly i just want to talk to someone about what happened. Me and her used to be happy but things changed. I don’t know what changed but i wish it never did.
The last girl I was with i used to love her more than myself. Then she asked me for money. After I gave her money the first time, she started making it a habit to beg me for money making up whatever reason why I should give her any of my money. Then she started treating me like her personal ATM. After a while I started to hate her Because all she cared about was money. She didn’t want to talk to me unless I gave her money. I’m sorry but I had to cut her off.
As a muslim, i was taught that dating was forbidden in my religion but i always wonder how are we supposed to determine who is the right person to marry? This article resonated with my point on why going straight to marriage doesnt work in the end. This is why I think we must date before deciding to get married. My parents were arranged and they always argue and barely show affection. On the other hand, I know that I don’t really want to get married or date someone because I have my own needs and wants and things change between you and your partner just like this article says. My other reason for not having a partner is difference in interest between us, especially if the person is my soul mate. And we need compatibility, loyalty and kindness in every relationship. Honesty is also important. You can’t keep up with your lies if you no longer love your partner just to keep them happy. Life is not all happiness and celebration, changes can be negative and it is okay to grieve for a little bit. I’m going to stop commenting now, bye!
My gf lives two hours away from me and I feel like the spark we had is dying, the thing is that when we do see each other it’s amazing and it makes me really happy. The thing that’s really been bothering me is that I never really thought of her in that way until she told me she liked me and then I felt like I was in love with her but now I’m confused on if it was and is really at all, I feel like I’m lying to her and myself. I really do love her and I don’t want to break up but I just don’t know what to do. I could really use some advice if anyone wants to give me some, I’m just really confused
i don’t really outgrow relationships but i like i have one off day and the relationship falters from there. it usually doesn’t take long for it to dissipate, it usually takes a few days to a week at the most. and i always think we’re doing good and i start looking forward to being around them but that one off day always messes it up,
The fact that this article showed up while I was questioning what to do about my relationship says a lot. We haven’t dated for long. He graduated highschool and going to commity college (if I remember correctly). For me on the other hand, I’m going to start going to a residential highschool in a different town. This will lead to us having little to no time for each other, but quality time is my love language. A part of me feels like it’s best to end this because right after highschool I’m going to try going out of country to go to college and I don’t know if I would say I love him, I do care for him deeply but that spark is just not there. Sadly there’s a part of me that doesn’t for a stupid reason, I don’t want to leave because I don’t want it so that my old toxic relationship lasted longer than my current healthy and happy relationship did. I know messed up and stupid, that’s why I’m feel like we should but I’m too torn about it. I initially was going to end this a while before his graduation but he was never there those few days. So if anyone has any insight on what I should do, please tell me I need help making up my mind.
Your words couldn’t be more accurate. She moved to a different city for work and I was supposed to follow her the next year. The long distance mixed with the new work that left her completely burnout after 6 months and I’ve to admit it also lack of communication led to the death of a 6 year relationship. It is hard to watch your significant other in the eyes and not be able to see what you loved.
I watched this because I’m in a 6yr stage and been missing the “spark” for so long. We’ve tried communicating before to reignite and that’s what get us far, but I’m tired of reminding him that I need to be loved too. I watch him grow and became successful in life, while I’m still me. Then there are guys out there who confidently do stuff for me, thinks about me, etc. and I miss that so much. He probably do stuff for me too, but I don’t recognize it, I feel it’s all about him. When we have moments together, it’s boring and I feel he doesn’t want to communicate. I get that he needs peace after taking 3 jobs, w/c he claims is for our future. Now I’m starting to consider having an open or just breaking up, but I feel that would be immature of me just because I miss the honeymoon stage.
We never even admitted our feelings. It is just all of a sudden he had a girlfriend and I’m still stucked in past. What I hate about him is that why he didn’t tell me, I’ve been giving him the signs, I just knew that he likes me too because of his friends. I hate the fact that he can communicate his feelings with someone he just met online and that girl is somewhat demanding, she’s just so off to me, not just because I’m upset.
Wow 😢this is already happening in my family. Since my Older 🦁 ♌ Sisters Passing 😞14-01-2017,u don’t need to be in a relationship, to feel any of these things,I know it sucks to say theses things since I was always a freedom fighter🐯1986 and never gave up on hopes & dreams, almost the same kind of situation in a relationship. I once remember being like this😊 happy 😁 go lucky. Now sometimes I get more self-doubt,of the Universe and it’s Approach to living a life style, I’m not sure if anyone else feels the same but that’s how my journey’s been in 2023, then the feeling that used to be once upon a Time & being awesome 👍🏿… And two over extreme and sometimes overrated with limitations, and overpowering, now I don’t get those feelings, that much, I also keep away from a lot of other things, and disregard myself away from a lot of people to 🙅🏿♂️, and filled up the cup of Life with water and energy. And the fuel that I once burnt before, isn’t there any more like as if. It’s been locked away under the safe of the Lock 🔒 & key. I’ve even become that bad, that I would disregarded myself away from the universe. And don’t get the need, in the feeling to care that much anymore. Do you remember in the cartoon that used to have care bears 🐻 for instance, the 1986 episode where people just don’t care anymore, & grumpy bear was really grumpy, in that bit with the Pavement episode, where they find that big giant crater stone that’s buried under the City 🏙️🌆 what a pity😖😿.
I wish this website had been around in the early 2000’s. I went through 15 years of psychological domestic violence (bad coercive control and psychological abuse) when my children were young. At the time I just sacrificed myself “for their sake”. When my daughter was 7yo she begged me to leave my partner saying “I can’t stand it any more”. I feel disgusted with myself for not carrying out her wishes. I wasn’t strong enough to do as she asked (I was in depressive psychosis because of my partner and was not strong enough to comply). I am very empathic. I now realize I was in horrific codependency and my ex-partner was/is psychopathic and/or narcissistic. I am now divorced, have no contact with children but am recovering but with CPTSD.
What do I do if the spark in our relationship seems to be gone, my long distance girlfriend said she wanted to focus on her studies this year as her grades were starting to slip, of course I was there to support her and everything, but as time went by she just seem to get more and more distant from me, I don’t know if she has lost interest in me or what it is, but she says she isn’t interested in romance at the moment, we got into a few conflicts cuz of this distancing and now we are on a standstill, I’ll admit I’ve been forcing it a bit with trying to get her to love me back again, I was just very upset at the time cuz of all the promises she promised me that she broke during this process, ik you can’t force love but she doesn’t seem like she’s completely uninterested in me, she says she still does like me and isn’t sure if she likes me romantically, I obviously didn’t mean to force anything but I don’t want to give up on this relationship so easily, I mean it’s precious to me, the worst feeling of all is cuz I was toxic in the past I’ve lost A LOT of friends, to get an idea of that, just imagine a popular guy at school, lots and lots of friends, new friends every year, that was me, guess what, I lost every single one of those friends whether it was my fault or not, this was the first few relationships where I didn’t want to lose and I wanted to treasure and love her to the end and so it hurts more to know the one relationship I TRULY treasure and cared about end up becoming like this not because of me but simply because of unfortunate circumstances, but I’m not giving up and I don’t want to give up, however idk what to do, psych2go, I’ve watched your content for very long and never really commented, I’ll really appreciate if you have advice on my current situation…
To the point with codependency, I don’t know if this counts since I’m not in a relationship but many of my goals are codependent. Even back than when I was 15 years old I had the goals that I wanted to be married by age 25 und have kids by age 30 + reachibg golden marriage (being married for 50 years) by age 75. I’m turning 35 this year and don’t have reached those milestones. In my job I have reached my goal last month becoming a member of the higher service in my office. One goal that is still open is owning my own house but I actually wanted to reach that goal with my partner together since I liked to have a house large enough for having up to 2 children but it is nearly imposible to buy one with only 1 income. I most likely will inherit the house of my parents but then I will most likely not move anymore since I don’t want to sell a house. So without a partner I have the feeling that I will run out of goals in the future.
Here’s the thing. I’m still struggling to find any sign of anyone who is interested or attracted to me. Right now I’m convinced that I’m just never gonna feel loved by anyone special. I’m getting better with myself, with my body, my mind is better, but for some reason those who are communication impaired (like myself) struggle more. 😔 I’ve yet to find any semblance of hope for me with being in relations with someone. Coming from a 25yr old with promising aspirations in business/game industry/ art/design/direction never experienced kissing or any form of physical attraction from anyone. 😔
Im going to come.back to this article in a couple of years, fuuuu i know how things are going to end because im the one with the fear of having a broken heart But hey its my fleeing memory and one day i will lose them so for now it is what i make of it and that would be like; flowers on a green hill (like it) but one day that hill qill be covered by snow, everything ends ona way or the other, everyyhing is a cycle, stay safe and drink water 🙂
I really wish I could hear this all like 5 years ago, so then some things would end and start for me in a better way. But thank you for sharing this important topic and knowledge anyway. I think it can be useful in the future for me to avoid big damage in breakups and overgrowing a repletion no matter of kind of it.
I know I’m putting up what looks to be too much to read so I hope whoever takes the time to do so please bear with me and do what you can with no issues in doing so which is greatly appreciated. I was close friends with someone I had known for 3 years and I had slowly developed a crush on her throughout that time. I held so much value to that relationship because it was one of the best I had in many years of my whole life and made me feel alive and felt like I could be comfortable being my true self around her, she had also shown to have cared for my well-being which was something I was genuinely grateful for and I would always care for her in return. We shared good hobbies in common such as article games, and other sorts of geeky entertainment, and would even open up to other hobbies and interests of our own perspective that we would get to enjoy which I truly did when I first tried and even looked forward to getting more of those with her. We were part of a small group of friends who had many hobbies in common and have group gatherings to play games like D&D and have holiday parties together since the time COVID lockdowns took place around our state. I had started to develop feelings for her after the first year and I kept it to myself for so long because I was afraid if I came out, not only would she reject me but it would lead to her feeling awkward and uncomfortable with my presence due to having these feelings for her. I had taken the path to where I would put in the effort of becoming the type of person she would feel comfortable and happy to be around because I had even noticed she had started to not show much acknowledgment of my presence and interests especially when getting more involved in our friend group meanwhile I would always show her acknowledgment even if I don’t get anything in return because I don’t even expect her to which I know that’s one of the big points of trying to establish a good and successful relationship, even when I would not expect anything like whenever I would ask for things to do together like going to visit each other’s homes when the timing is right and appropriate or other things like going out to public places, exercising or going to the gym together which she always liked to do and I wouldn’t go as far as considering them as like going on dates unless we were at the point to where they would be, despite going as far to asking if she would like to do all these things she would enjoy doing together it would always lead to no as an answer and back it all up with excuses and boundaries, and only keep her availablities for whenever we do these things with our friend group and only go as far as keeping things virtual between us, so I would come to know that with all that being clear enough that she’s not exactly interested in developing a close relationship even when I try to establish to bond with her individually which is what I always tried doing within the friend group that we’re part of and always seemed to workout just fine but not with her.
(Someone please please help me.) I need help I am deeply in love with my partner but they hurt me very badly mentally but they apologized and I want to forgive them and I said I have but I don’t think I really have because I still don’t trust them I just want to know how I can move on from what they did and I feel terrible for constantly thinking about what they did we’ve talked about it many times before but I still can’t seem to get that closure from it like I’m wanting more and I want to know how to get what I’m wanting or how to stop wanting something more and just move on I want to be happy with them I don’t want this to be a problem and then later effect things because of me being unstable —- backstory kinda — (we are in a healthy relationship right now and we’ve never argued once we just broke up a lot and she just dated a lot of people after we broke up which made me feel awful and I went off on her once because she said I was the problem which maybe I am and I deserved all of this but I’ve never tried to hurt her once and I’ve always tried treating her good and giving her plenty of gifts and I was 100 loyal the whole time I was accused of cheating and she’s always been jealous of everyone I’ve talked to and she assumed the worst from me I guess “because nobody is that good”) I want to stay with her but I cannot stop having flashbacks and constantly breaking down because of it I hate it because she tells me how awful it makes her feel thinking about what she had done and I don’t want her to feel awful about herself