Childhood history of abuse and neglect has been linked to personality disorders, particularly in individuals with lifetime histories of suicidality and self-injury. A new study published in Frontiers in Psychology suggests that borderline personality disorder (BPD), the most common personality disorder, has an estimated prevalence of about 1.7%. Research indicates a relationship between childhood trauma and the development of BPD, with people with BPD reporting high rates of childhood sexual abuse, emotional abuse, and/or neglect.
Children with BPD report significant epigenetic and neuromorphological changes associated with child abuse, contributing to the development of BPD. Research suggests that genetics, abuse, and other factors contribute to the development of obsessive-compulsive, narcissistic, or other personality disorders. Childhood abuse and neglect have been strongly implicated as risk factors in the development of personality disorders. Many consider BPD an adult-onset disorder that develops as a result of childhood trauma, neglect, abuse, or invalidation.
A diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) doesn’t automatically translate to abusive behavior, and many people who engage in abuse don’t have NPD. Around 50% of BPD patients have a history of being sexually abused. People with Borderline Personality Disorder are more likely to experience verbal abuse, emotional abuse, psychological abuse, physical abuse, and/or domestic violence. Growing up with instability and abuse would be more likely to cause a child to grow up and develop BPD. Early intervention and support can help reverse some of the damage that may occur.
📹 Narcissistic Abuse | The Signs
Have you ever been in a relationship with a Narcissist? Would you be able to spot the signs of Narcissistic Abuse? In this video …
What are the 5 personalities of childhood trauma?
The experience of childhood trauma can exert a profound influence on the development of personality traits, which may manifest as a tendency towards codependency, a proclivity for helping and fixing others, perfectionism, anxiety, or a proclivity towards controlling others. These traits can have a significant impact on how individuals navigate the world.
What causes personality disorders to develop?
The aetiology of personality disorders is thought to be a complex interplay between genetic predisposition and early environmental factors, including childhood experiences such as abuse or neglect. Pregnancy and the transition to parenthood can also be contributing factors in the development of personality disorders. Additional assistance may be required during and following childbirth. This can be obtained from a general practitioner, midwife, or health visitor.
What are the disorders developed by abuse?
Abuse or other trauma, whether physical, emotional, verbal, or sexual, can have long-term effects on mental health, affecting how individuals feel about themselves and relate to others. Women who have experienced abuse or trauma have a higher risk of developing mental health conditions like depression, anxiety, or PTSD. Trauma and abuse are never one’s fault, and healing the physical, mental, and emotional scars of trauma and abuse is crucial. It is essential to recognize that trauma and abuse are never one’s fault, and seeking help can help heal the physical, mental, and emotional scars of such experiences.
How does abuse affect personality development?
Traumatic childhood events can significantly impact an individual’s brain and body function, emotions, memory, thinking, self-perception, and relationships. Women, particularly those who feel trapped by abuse, are most likely to develop these effects. Sexual abuse affects women from all backgrounds, with one in five experiencing childhood abuse and one in two experiencing assault or attempted assault as adults. Trauma is a normal response to abuse, and many children develop coping mechanisms that persist into adulthood.
Are personality disorders caused by abuse?
Verbal abuse as a child can lead to a higher likelihood of developing borderline, narcissistic, obsessive-compulsive, or paranoid personality disorders in adulthood. A personality disorder is a mental health condition characterized by long-lasting, disruptive patterns of thinking, behavior, mood, and relating to others, causing significant distress and impairing functioning. There are 10 types of personality disorders, each with unique characteristics and symptoms. Personality is crucial in defining an individual’s unique blend of traits, attitudes, thoughts, and behaviors, and how they are expressed in interactions with others and the world.
Can you develop a personality disorder after trauma?
The long-term impact of war trauma on mental health has been a topic of interest since the 1960s and 1970s, when the effects of childhood trauma were linked to the development of maladaptive personality traits and personality disorders. However, little is known about personality-related problems that may arise in adulthood. The introduction of the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) in the DSM-III and later in the ICD-10 in the 1960s and 1970s led to a focus on presenting symptomatology, prognosis, and response to treatment.
However, experts argue that the existing PTSD diagnostic criteria fail to capture some of the enduring psychological problems experienced by adults exposed to major trauma. As a result, a new diagnostic category named Enduring Personality Change after Catastrophic Experience (EPCACE) was introduced to ICD-10, defined as a change of at least 4 years duration in how one perceives, relates to, or thinks about the environment and self following the exposure to catastrophic trauma.
This condition excludes individuals with a pre-trauma history of personality disorder and is meant to be used solely in cases with late-onset personality pathology. Despite several attempts to include EPCACE and ‘complex PTSD’ in both DSM IV and DSM-5, this proposal was turned down.
What is the most difficult personality disorder to treat?
Antisocial personality disorder is a challenging disorder to treat, often due to the individual’s reluctance to seek help. The recommended course of treatment is dependent upon the individual’s circumstances, including age, criminal history, and any associated issues such as substance misuse. In many cases, family members and friends play a pivotal role in determining the course of treatment and care for individuals with this disorder.
What personality disorder is most likely to occur from abuse in childhood?
A study of 793 mothers and children found that children who experienced verbal abuse were three times more likely to develop borderline, narcissistic, obsessive-compulsive, or paranoid personality disorders in adulthood. High reactivity, a trait characterized by sensitivity to light, noise, and texture, may also contribute to these disorders. Overly sensitive children are more likely to develop shy, timid, or anxious personalities. However, the role of high reactivity in personality development is not clear-cut, with only 20% of infants being highly reactive.
Is personality shaped by trauma?
Trauma has a profound impact on an individual, often altering their personality traits. Traumatic events, such as abuse, sudden death, or natural disasters, overwhelm an individual’s coping capacity, leading to significant changes in the human psyche. These changes can result in shifts in personality traits, such as characteristic patterns of thinking, feeling, and behavior. Research has shown that traumatic experiences can lead to significant personality changes, primarily through the development of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
PTSD can manifest in various ways, including increased vigilance, anxiety, and emotional dysregulation, all of which contribute to noticeable personality changes. Understanding the complex ways trauma can influence our personality is crucial for navigating the complex dynamics of our experiences.
What kind of trauma triggers BPD?
Childhood experiences can lead to the development of coping strategies and beliefs that can become less helpful over time, causing distress. These coping strategies may also lead to feelings of anger, anxiety, and depression. It is possible to experience bipolar disorder without a history of traumatic or stressful life events or other types of difficult experiences. These experiences can lead to feelings of unsupported or invalidated identity, leading to distress and distress.
What is the hardest mental illness to live with?
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a highly painful mental illness that involves individuals constantly trying to cope with overwhelming emotions. This constant struggle can lead to self-destructive behavior such as substance abuse, cutting, or suicide attempts. While some may view this behavior as manipulative or overly dramatic, it is actually an attempt to obtain relief from the constant pain.
People often describe BPD as manipulative, unstable, or clingy, but from the perspective of someone with BPD, these intense emotional reactions are a manifestation of a world full of intense pain. This makes it difficult for those without the disorder to understand the constant struggle with intense emotions.
📹 Narcissistic Abuse: How to Stop Suffering in Silence
Narcissistic abuse is an incredibly confusing and destabilizing form of emotional trauma. Those who are victim to it report feelings …
Have you had a relationship with a narcissist? Whether it’s with a spouse, friend, mother, father, sibling, boss, or even a coworker, spotting the signs of narcissistic abuse will help you improve all areas of your life. Access full, exclusive mental health series featuring Dr. Ramani HERE: medcr.cl/kco
My covert narcissist husband. My 5 signs: 1. You constantly walk on egg shells around him. Always careful what you say or do. 2. He pulls into the driveway after work and you suddenly feel dread or anxious 3. You literally don’t believe any word coming out of his mouth. 4. Drained, depressed and anxious all the time. 5. One minute you want him gone the next you don’t because you’re not sure if you want to be alone and some part of you will still miss him. So you’re constantly conflicted
Thank you Dr. Ramani for helping us with such meaningful interviews. I can say that I’ve been and am being narcissistically abused by my parents. Med Circle is an eye opener for many like me who think that the fault is ours all the time while the narcissist is right and apparently, we get into thinking that we’re a mistake. But, in these articles… I know that many like me get an opportunity to see proof that says we were right all this while and that we, were being abused without our knowledge. I cannot thank this team enough. This is extremely important for everyone today.
Never being sure if your feelings are valid or if you’re being “emotional” or “annoying”. The more distance you make, the more you realize their interactions were not normal and were more cruel than you would and should expect. Stepping into normal relationships feeling so confused. This is the hardest mental health battle I’ve ever faced. 😥
For me, the best way to explain what people with NPD do to victims is two things: 1. Drain your energy/motivation 2. Alienate you You start to lose the notion of yourself, your passions fades your projects start to look bad or not worth to try And then you cannot live fully because it seems you have a facade, you “pretend”, that’s what narcissist do, so basically they drag you into their world of pretending for external validation
My mom was a narcissist and she gaslighted me so much that when i was in a bipolar mixed episode, I felt I was going actually crazy that I thought I had to kill myself to escape and the psychosis I had just added to the fire. When I was about to hang myself she caught me and she was immediately loving and non manipulative, but when I got stable, she would start again. It was hell. I was losing my mind, but I decided to trust myself and I moved to another country. Best decision of my life.
Always felt something was wrong with my mother, as if she’s incapable of seeing simple logic, and took pleasure in deliberately making life unnecessarily difficult for me. What I wouldn’t have given to have this information when I was younger. I’m very lucky to be with a partner who is the opposite of my narc mother, and I now have space to heal and grow.
I’m a 58-year-old male and in the last year I’ve come to learn that I was raised by a narcissistic mother. Interestingly, I started a medication for epilepsy a year ago and that really opened to door to understanding what was going on. It’s been an amazing year. Thanks to all the doctors and therapists trying to help folks with these situations!
The only way to take control from a narcissist is to get yourself from their domain first. You wont be able to figure out anything until and unless you are out of the hellish world. I will tell you one of my favourite stories. Once a King was too disturbed by everything that was happening around him. He felt as if no one was loyal to him and he was always afraid of his kingdom being attacked by perpetrators. He lost his sleep and his life had become hell. So he thought of taking a brief sojourn in the countryside. He passed through lush green fields and picturesque landscapes. The silent breeze that brushed through his hair filled his heart with joy. That is when he saw a farmer who was putting fence around his farmland. But his farmland had weeds all over and they hardly had any crops. This intrigued the King. He asked the farmer as to why was he putting a fence around the farm when the farm itself was covered with weeds. To this the farmer said that the farm was his own so he could get rid of the weeds whenever he liked. But he cant stop the stray dogs from running over his fields and destroying them. That is why he was putting the fence. To stop the stray dogs from venturing into the field. Once he was very assured about the security of his fields he can work on clearing the weeds and planting crops. On hearing this the King somewhat got the answer which he had been searching for. The human mind is also like the field. You cant control assholes from fiddling with your mind or saying bullshit.
My mother was a neglectful, verbally abusive narcissist. She justified abandoning her three children and letting me raise them as a 10 year old child and constant cheating on my father due to her childhood abuse and trauma. But yet, her own children were treated much worse than she was treated as a child….. After leaving home at 17 and being homeless, I got a full scholarship to college and worked as a waitress to pay the rent on a slum apartment. I graduated from college, got a great job, moved to Philadelphia, and met a medical student on my first day on the train! I dreamed of white picket fences, a stone cottage in an exclusive Philadelphia neighborhood, but I ended up marrying a Narcissist who was also verbally and emotionally abusive, and cheated on me….. He moved me far away from my family and eventually left me to raise three boys completely by myself without any support from my family. He refused to have any visitation, never took them on a vacation, or even bought them Xmas or birthday presents presents ( he said he paid child support and that was enough)……. 14 years later I have reinvented myself, so hope is possible!!! I am 55 years old, have started a You Tube website to reverse the aging process through proper nutrition and exercise, and am in my best mental, physical, and spiritual shape…. I still encounter narcissists ( as a teacher, I feel like 90% of principals are malignant narcissists!!), but I avoid them like the Plague that they are…. My life story is to encourage people that no matter how bad the abuse, how long the abuse occurred, and how old you are; with therapy, proper nutrition, exercise, time in nature, mediation, journaling, and connecting to your spirituality, recovery is possible.
Something Dr Ramani missed is this: Suspicion of the motives of everyone a person meets once the narcissist has gone. Difficulty in ever trusting again. Development of a thick protective shell that is hard to dismantle and prevents the sensitivity and vulnerability required in being in a new relationship. She was right about withdrawal. Faced with what I have just described, that withdrawal is a refuge. A lonely one. Making a person feel as if they are out of the running, in life. Imagine if some genuine good person approaches you and the first thing that comes to your mind is: What is this person up to? What is their motive? And so relationships can fail before they even start.
Yes, one day my husband was just screaming at me. I stepped back and looked at him screaming in his rage at me. I said, OMG, I married my mother. I was very confused and deeply hurt. I grew up with it and then married the same dynamics of personality. At 21 I left home the married for 21 years. In prison for 42 years and then was freed. I have been divorced 14 years now and still learning and discovering more items of myself needing to heal. Gained a lot still have a lot to heal. But finally love myself at 55.
We have to get our minds wrapped around a plan to discard the narc/addict. In my circumstance I had to monitor his phone,make screen shots etc The day I showed him my proof I got his suitcase & sent him to a motel. I vowed he would never be here again. I packed his belongings & put them on the front porch. It was my rightful healing journey. 24 yrs married,recovery,relapse,betrayal,deceit. His lovely social media supply helped me. I hope he wraps his phone around him at night with is new gals & guys. 6 months out divorce papers signed. I’m 72 and fearless on my journey. And he knows it!!!!!!! Life is returning on my terms. I sent a thank you to the narc for my release.
Although empathic, I’m really grateful for my sense of self and my ability to be honest with myself about my feelings. I used to get so manipulated and call it out right away then gaslighted right after that. And it’s such a vicious cycle. Sending hugs to everyone dealing with a narcissist. You aren’t imagining it. Yes they’re charming but you deserve security and love too.
my mom is a narcissist; and my first ever relationship was with a narcissist. my entire mom’s side of the family is full of narcissists, actually; it’s a generational cycle. you have the black sheep who is either shunned out of the cycle or escapes on their own, and everyone else ends up perpetuating it into the next generation. it’s incredibly depressing.
I came from a narcissistic mother and sibling. I then proceeded to marry a narcissist. After divorcing, I entered in a long term relationship with another narcissist. It’s been a pattern that I didn’t know I was repeating until I entered therapy 12 years ago. Thankfully, I can now recognize the patterns I’ve lived through and move toward a healthier lifestyle. Many years of emotional pain later. And ptsd from childhood physical abuse and trauma. It’s not been easy. I’m grateful to be alive and at least be aware.
my father and 1st husband were Narcissist’s. I was NEVER good enough, and never allowed to my own decisions in either situation. I moved out at 18, married at 19 and divorced 23 years later and had 3 sons. My sons are doing well, but I sometimes see the effects of being raised by a narcissistic father and a “shell” of a mother. I have since remarried to a real partner who supports me in all things and helps me when I see myself “withdrawing” into myself. It took me almost 5-yrs into our marriage before I was able to make simple decisions, ‘where to go for dinner,’ ‘what do I WANT.’ He’s very patient with me when I sit and really think and try to decide What DO I want?
I was the scapegoat of a narcissistic mother and my late husband even admitted he had a narcissistic personality. Both parents and my husband used gaslighting with me. I have been free of my personal narcissists for nearly a decade and I am still challenged with these 5 signs of abuse you share here. Each year I find myself able to cope better than before. Healing takes time.
I was stuck in a relationship with a narcissist for 3 or 4 years and I only realized how bad it was when he moved out and went back to his home state (because he didn’t like the jobs he was getting where we were). I am frequently thankful for that, because if he hadn’t moved out, I might still be with him today. 😭
I was just engaged to a narcissist. I was with him for 2 years and always knew something wasn’t right and did question if he was a narcissist or had BPD. I finally cut him off 3 weeks ago and I’ve gone no contact. He’s currently out on a smearing campaign, which I was prepared for. I can’t be happier than I finally pulled the plug.
Yes, my mom is a covert narcissist and would twist my words, gas light, make me self doubt and play victim cards. She also told me that she has little to no empathy for others feelings, that was a warning sign that rang in my mind and heart. She loves to control people and she loves codependency. I have watched her use my siblings words against them and she has personally divided us and pitted us against each other. It’s taken me years to realize how much control she had and how little respect and empathy she has for anyone, but herself. Know the warning signs and if they are screaming at you listen to it!❤
Sending love, light and warm virtual hugs to everyone who has or still is experiencing narcissistic abuse…I’m currently in the process of healing from experiencing it through my 2 older siblings, whom I’ve cut off emotionally for about 2 years now. Do I miss having a relationship with them – sometimes, yes.. Do I regret cutting them off? No.
both my parents are narcissistic so i grew up never feeling safe and always on my toes so of speak. I was made to believe that i was a bad bad child then adult. My mom would also sow seeds of doubt to me as a child and an adult. As of 2 24 24 i asked her to never come to my home again. NOW I CAN START TO HEAL
My niece, I’m ashamed that as a 30+ year old woman, I’m terrified of my teenage niece. Being in the same room as her makes me feel anxious and physically ill. My parents can see through her act, thankfully, but the rest of the family doesn’t see or care. I’ve often been yelled at by my sister for being uncaring and unloving to my niece, and I’m often blamed for things I’ve never done because the niece spread lies about me to the family to turn everyone against me. It’s gotten to the point I don’t want to be around her because I’m exhausted and scared of being targeted.
It’s kind of contradictory to say that a narcissist ex admitted that to gaslighting. One of the behavior patterns of a narcissist is that they won’t admit fault on their own, and that they use gaslighting to convince you that they were never at fault. I can tell you what behavior of my narcissist ex led me to believe that I was being gaslighted though. Gaslighting is a real insidious way of manipulation- to make you believe that there is something wrong with you, that the actions/words of your narcissist weren’t really what they seemed to be. It makes you question your judgement, leading to you ignoring your instincts and senses. I swallowed all of her gaslighting for years, mostly because I wanted the relationship to work- like most people who have been the partner of a narcissist. I started realizing that something was wrong 6 months before I was discarded. It was actually this revelation that I had that led to the discard- once I started seeing through the illusion that she presented, I started to see all of her actions for what they really were, and I started to question her on everything and stood my ground on issues that I previously gave in on. We had gotten into a really bad argument. Tensions between us had been building for a few months. We had to move from our rental and find a new place to live within 2 months, in a town that was going through a surge in prices for rental properties. It was difficult finding a place to live that was within our budget, and still live in the town that had come to be our community.
As others, I have discovered that the narcissist makes me behave in a way that is not “me”. That multiplies the issue, and the next thing you know you have been sucked into the narc’s vortex where you can’t tell who started it. It’s actually ingenious in a very sick way, really. That makes it easier for the narc to point the finger at you as the causer of all problems.
My adopted grandfather was a narcissist. From age 4-25 he tried to control every aspect of my life. Wasn’t interested in things I actually enjoyed- just wanted to push his own narrative on me. He passed away recently and everyone saw him as such a wonderful person but I believe he’s the reason my dad took his own life (he’s my paternal grandfather) when I was only 4 years old. My whole family is unsupportive of me because I didn’t see my grandfather as a good person and I called them out on social media. It was in the most respectful way possible but they don’t care. You CANNOT see him as a bad person.
Yes I was in a narcissistic relationship for 7 years. Everything you talk about is my story for those years. I was emotionally and physically drained and literally going crazy. Toward the end it got really ugly, and I ended up checking myself into mental health. I was literally going crazy. But once I got out and went to counseling, my life began to get positive and I started to return to who I was and am. Today I have never been happier. I just never knew how bad it was and how bad it would get. It is so toxic.
My shows many narcissist behaviour, I am forever indebted to her and she tracks my every move. I’m 55. She’s extremely vengeful and has no empathy when it comes to me. I’ve recently moved to another continent. I was really ill in 2022-23 and lost job apt ect. She said move everything to my place. Once I did this, everything at her house. Clothing, furniture etc. My life. She threw me out in winter in Vancouver Canada. I lived in my car and went to work.its very extreme in that her triangulation methods are so severe everyone needs her permission to speak to each other.
I’ve been 3 years free of my mother.. and I still can’t watch articles like this for more than the first couple minutes without getting intensely triggered and bailing out. And I know I’ve healed so much since the beginning. I lost my whole family in the process of cutting contact with her. Narcs don’t take defeat without taking as much from you as they can. Rather reminds me of the devil; trying to get as many people into hell as he can before he’s sent there for good himself.
I’m currently at the inside of the exit of a narcissistic relationship. I know it needs to end, she even knows it (yeah, there’s still some in there).. but for 6 years now I haven’t had solid ground under my feet. I’m autistic (a bit) and even a small disagreement can have me unbalanced for two full days easily. Right is right, wrong is wrong, right? Well: wrong, as it turns out. You can probably tell this puts me in a vulnerable situation. In fact, one had my first ambulance visits because the stress and pressure of not being allowed safety is starting to become physical. I’ve come to the point where I’m ‘happy’ to report that I very nearly don’t care anymore whether she’s going to off herself (which is always the ultimate threat).. It’s horrible not caring about that. I don’t want to be like that. I want everyone to have their little bit of life, however they conduct it. She didn’t choose to be a narcissist. But as it is, it is almost literally killing me. And, to be frank, I’m just a better person than her. So I best get out
How do you know if you’ve been affected by this? If going through this list makes you feel physically sick to your stomach. I’m so thankful for Dr. Ramani’s articles to put words to all these feelings that are really hard to translate into words, but it is hard acknowledging it all. I’ve experienced at least 7 in my life at this point that I can count in various positions of relation to me (inside and outside of family). It takes a toll that is unspeakable after a while on a person and you begin to wonder, even though you know there are, if there are even any normal people left out there and how do you know before they have you in their clutches in one way or another. I wish I had the tools to see and understand what was going on at a much earlier age. My life could have been very different. So could a lot of people’s.
OMG self-doubt, worry and anxiety is my life. ✔️ Helplessness with my parents -> hopelessness. ✔️ Socially withdrawn. ✔️ And I second-guess myself. ✔️ Depression, sadness, irritability. ✔️ Yep, I knew my parents are narcissists. At least I’m not around them any more but I still have these handicaps. How do I get over this?
I was married to this Narcissist for over 12 years. She was really good at it, and I had no idea I was being gaslighted. Nearly lost my sanity, but finally left when I almost lost my spirit. Thank you for all your great information and inspiration, as I now know what this really is. My life is full and happy in a healthy relationship with my new wife of over 22 years!
I have been with a narcissist fiance for over a year and we got married 4 months back. This relationship has taken its toll on my mental and physical health. He has tormented me, mocked me, ridiculed me and even cheated on me. Iam so glad that I found these articles to explain what has been happening to me. I have cried myself to sleep and given so much energy to this relationship in hopes that he would somehow change and find way in his heart to love me. But I now know it was never about me. It was all him. I am going to get out of it.
I have met girls with narcissistic mothers litterally destroyd their lives, in the long run even killed them. This was decades ago. Very intelligent girls. I told them But they didnt listen. Some even told : I ask my mother. They were unsecure and a lot of anxiety. It is difficult to See how a mother drives her own blood in pain and even death. How a explained they didnt listen. How I knew ? I had the worst step mother. Hard to not see. I had to tell her she was insaine. But it didnt help. When she could t hit me any more, she had a breakdown. But the hate and envy was always present One of my girlfriends had a horribel stepfather and she understod, maybe because he comitted suicide. We must all be thankful to Dr Ramani for giving explanation to these problems.
My mother. After she humiliated me at my wedding recently, I know I can’t have her in my life unless she changes. My father and I are close but he’s a codependent enabler and the writing on the wall tells me that my next chapter of like of being a mom myself won’t have my parents present and it’s heart breaking. I’m trying to find a therapist that understands these situations.
I recently turned 60, and am a recovering alcoholic – 16 years sober. It took everything I had to sober up and break a family mold. Much thanks to your articles I have identified my mother’s cruelty and narcissistic abuse. At 20 I married the prince of narcissism, which I divorced 25 years ago. For the past month I have been no contact with my mother, and middle child, who has been conditioned to think I am crazy. The head games are exhausting, I am so grateful to you and for my strength.
I’m going threw all these symptoms from a narcissistic best friend,at times I didn’t even feel worthy to eat, witch caused me to lose weight witch made problems worse,I still feel like nothing I ever did was enough,that I’ll never feel back to the way I use to before I met them,I remember my aura was so bright when I walk in a room,now I feel it dim and blinking.I never wish this type of abuse on anybody,the threats,the stealing from me,the constant worry that if I even said something wrong,their would later be consequences,and I was forced to push my feelings down if their ever wqs an issue, ext,and I still miss them the spark of how quickly we became friends and related with each other never really left my heart, I’m not a person who makes friends easily,but the way she started changing shocked me,it hurts my heart. Like a
My mother. If you tell someone else, they say, “She doesn’t come across like that to me.” Yes, that’s because she’s two-faced. Or because they excuse the signs they see, and she hasn’t been out to destroy them as she has been doing to you. They may even be favoured by her so they see quite a different person.
2:04 I social withdraw because society gets offended if I speak “ill” of my own parents (both narc). It’s acceptable for them to treat me the way they do but I’m not allowed to complain or call it out. The typical answer is “yeah.. But… Is your mom/dad…” NO wonder it took me 32 years to figure out they are abusive. In the bright side I finally know from chore what’s wrong with me and can now work on it to live a inner peaceful life one day.
Overcoming the web of a narcissist’s manipulation is a journey no one should walk alone. Their strategies can shatter your sense of self and reality, leaving you to question everything, including the help of family and friends. The emotional, mental, and even physical toll it takes can be overwhelming.
I am healing from narcissistic abuse and have diagnosed PTSD. Ironically, one of the biggest challenges in my life is that I have to become more narcissistic – a little bit more self-serving, in terms of keeping myself safe and putting my own wellbeing first – but I often second-guess what is a healthy amount of selfishness and when it becomes narcissistic?
I’m a narcissistic abuse survivor, the main narcissist being my mom. I’m 33 yo, I’ve been the only one working and paying for everything for over 5 years now but I’ve only just escaped. I finally found the strength thanks to 2 things only: 1)me being on an antidepressant for a year and going to therapy, 2)meeting my lovely girlfriend who actually helped me to get away – by being there, sympathizing, supporting me, organizing and physically helping with the move. She was the first and the only one to do so. It’s been a month after I got away. I still dissociate and can’t believe I survived and this is not a bloody dream.
I went through every bit of that. I got to the point that I attempted suicide more than once due to hopelessness, helplessness, depression, anxiety and feeling stuck. I felt guilty for not leaving as soon as I saw the red flags. Remembering how it felt at first is what kept me thinking there was actually a loving person in that hollow being. It took 4 years to get over a 2 year relationship due to the emotional trauma. Don’t let anyone ever tell you to “just get over it”. Don’t listen when they tell you that you are being overly sensitive. When the smear campaign starts, which it will, you have to turn your back on any and everyone involved in it. Reach out to the people that know you best for support. I was lucky enough to have 5 friends that have known me over 20 years and could see how I had been basically tortured emotionally. One of them was actually going through a similar situation at the same time and we could talk about the ways we were treated. It helped. The biggest thing is finding a trauma therapist that knows about and understands narcissistic abuse. It took 3 tries before I found one. Digging deep and healing old wounds from my childhood was the key for me to see that I had spent almost 60 years of my life in survival mode. So many things I had never confronted that shaped my psyche which in turn led to acceptance of abusive behavior from others. I hope and pray that as more information about narcissistic abuse is put out victims will see the signs sooner. That we don’t continue to accept behavior from others that diminishes our self esteem or crushes our spirit.
my name’s Brent and I’m 24. My father is a narcissist and I’m building the strength and courage to detach from him again. He’s raised me from the age of 3 and I left when I turned 18, a set back caused me to back pedal and now I’m living at his house again. I’ve finally told my grandmother and have her support. Thanks for posting these articles I needed this.
My mother is a narcissist and I fell in love with someone who is a narcissist. We have been together 4 years. I’m 30 now. Every time I find the courage to leave I call my mother because I don’t have somewhere to go. When I call my mother she always convinces me to stay with my partner. I feel stuck and I’m scared. It feels like I’m that little girl again who feels unloved. I don’t know what to do.. I want to leave but I don’t know how or where to go. Please pray for me ❤️
I was raised in a narcissistic family. I have been surrounded by narcissists all my life. I do not know life without this kind of abuse and I have had some very evil, cruel things done to me. Some days, the anger and hurt over what I have been through seems unbearable, but God has never left my side through it all. I am so grateful for Jesus Christ. He is the only reason that I not only survived the abuse but am also living in spite of it.
Yes, my mother was a narcissist. I didn’t figure that out until I was in my 50’s!! At least then I knew what I was dealing with. Could never do anything right, never received true love or understanding throughout my life. And I had to always always be prepared for her next ambush. So you are living just waiting for the next ambush. The only way I could “get along” with her was to agree with her about everything. It was easier than being myself, stating my beliefs and receiving more criticism. There was no escape from her. Now that she is deceased, I feel so free!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OMG – my life has been filled with malignant narcissists – mother, siblings, former partners…. the list goes on and on. YOU HAVE TO GET UP OFF YOUR BUTT AND LEAVE! That’s the best advice I can offer. In this clip they give the example of “the drink in the bar.. it could be grape juice” – or it could be vodka spiked with rohypnol! Don’t EVER give them the opportunity to malign and/or destroy your destiny.
I am so grateful for having survived the attempted robbing of my soul! Married for 24 years to a covert narcissist who died from cancer almost 3 years ago, I look back and shudder at how close I came to going to jail or a psych ward. I didn’t know until after he passed away what I had been dealing with all these years! I learned that he was not the only one I was being emotionally spiritually and mentally abused by. My siblings and my inlaws all are narcissists. The situations are different but the behavior is the same. Manipulation gaslighting blaming! Absolute insanity! I moved far away and have gone no contact with all of them and I have never known peace existed like this before. I have completely started again and at 65 years old I think it’s about time.
17 years with a BPD who appeared to have overlap in covert narcissism, factitious disorder and possibly Munchausen and Munchausen by proxy past 40 years old. She also has auto-immune syndrome which is sometimes connected to BPD. I’m fighting her in court now and I’m very close to getting mental health evaluation approved by the courts. I’ve spent $38,000 to protect my child and it’s been an uphill battle royal. Please wish me well… I’ve been through so much. It’s only the love and desire to protect my son that keeps me going some days. It’s really hard. 😞
I was raised in a family with narcissistic patterns. My dad has a lot of narcissistic traits. It was also a heavily patriarchal society. My mom has been the enabler and I believe I was ‘groomed’ to be the same. I married my high school sweetheart at the age of 19 and it turns out he was also a narcissist. It took me 23 years to begin to question what was happening. We are now divorced and I’m trying to unravel the pieces of my life. I’m also trying to break the cycle with my 5 children
My mum and my sister make me feel like this. Not to the extreme but low key. They, and my dad, emotionally invalidate me all the time. It’s so draining! Luckily I have my husband and he helps me immensely. I have learnt traits that can lean towards narcissism and emotional immaturity but I’m not in denial about it and I’m trying to work on them.
My mother is a narcissist. I’m the scapegoat child, however I no longer suffer feelings of guilt because I am aware that it is not my fault. I still suffer self-doubt paralysis and anxiety. My depression is ‘inactive’. My mother made me see an in-school psychologist in year 8 because she thought I was crazy. The psychologist made me realise she had NPD. I did what most usually do, go tell my mum off for being a narcissist. She did what all narcissists do when you try to tell them that they’re narcissist – deny it and turn the table on me. 😂 My mother made me stop seeing my psychologist because she thought the psychologist was attempting to turn me against her. She viewed the psychologist as a threat to her ego. I started doing deeper research into NPD, only to realise that I have been trapped in a narcissistic abusive cycle my whole life. I felt so relieved to know that I am not crazy, but now I feel an overwhelming sense to protect my younger sister. My mother started to view me as a threat. She still does today. My mother is implementing the same narcissistic abusive cycle to my sister. My sister has shown signs of depression, severe anxiety, a sense of hopelessness and a loss of identity. I’m trying my best to help my sister.
I was with a covert narcissist for two years and it was my worst relationship EVER. I was finally able to leave, got informed and found out that my mother is a covert narcissist. It was eye-opening, both made me feel depressed and suicidal, my mother for almost five decades, my Ex for two years. Now I’m healing- from CPTSD, not BPD, as people tried to make me believe, all my life. I’m an HSP and Introvert
I’m actually glad I met my covert narcissist. I needed him to break down the old me which awakened this other sense I never knew I had. Our Heavenly Father was with me through it all and gave me this gift to help me along my journey. Note that I’ve had my first experience with his kind, I’m ready for battle. I just have to warn people to be careful because I almost lost everything. When you have a steering fight or flight instinct about a person, RUN. I confronted him about seeing him for who he was and he was relentless in trying to ruin my life. He knew my movements, used others to try to harm me, made me lose my job, made me lose myself and thought he won when I felt completely destroyed but he unknowingly helped me on my spiritual path and it feels like I’ve been reborn. I see people for who they are, situations, can sense things before they happen now. It doesn’t feel real how the world looks through my new set of eyes lol. I feel amazing but the pain to get here was too much to bear at the time when I felt helpless, powerless, afraid and alone.
This has been my life beginning 1981. I left the quite abusive, angry narcissist in 1995, but married another “nice one” in 2002. I have believed that since he’s a “nice guy”, a “good man” (as my aunt frequently emphasizes) and not overtly physically and verbally abusive, the deception, cheating, withholding, stonewalling (he’d win the silent treatment trophy), neglect and sarcasm were often my doing. I never even considered that he was narcissistic until a few months ago.
I grew up with a mother that was an extreme narcissist. My depression began at a very early age and my desire to kill myself started at age 13 and has continued 50 years to current. I did attempt suicide at age 42 and continue to pray for God to take me home. I wanted so badly to be in a happy and healthy marriage/relationship and was married four times to narcissistic men because that’s the personality I knew therefore was drawn to. I suffer from extreme depression (treated for 26 years), extreme anxiety disorder, and CPTSD. It wasn’t until after my most recent husband’s passing that I began doing some self-awareness work that I realized why my relationships never worked. So, now I’m in my early 60s and all alone. I never want to risk being in another relationship! I only want peace and joy in my life, I just don’t believe it will happen this side of heaven! Thank you for your information!
From the research I’ve done, including perusal you, Dr Ramani, my mother is on the high end of the spectrum, a dark triad narcissist as her vicious, and cunning planning of taking me or whoever down is something I haven’t seen with others, very similar but not to the level of my malicious mother. Her enabler is a businessman who hides her despicable behaviour. He enjoyed abusing my sister, who has been on the sickness benefit for 30 years+. I have all 5 of your signs. But I am fighting back. 52 now, a mum myself and I’m still struggling. Ex-Husband is abusive too and recently really stepped it up. There is no help for me but the internet, I am 100% alone. No family, no friends, no support unless you count two Jack Russells, and I sure do! Thank you.
My mother is a malignant sadistic narcissist, and my 2 much older sisters are monster dark triad narcissists. I am the scapegoat and live 50 years in a triangle of emotionally abusive horror. My entire life has had so many missing moments by choice or by their choice of exclusion. Both Dr. Ramani and your articles have been so very helpful. Thank you!
Only found these articles in the last 10 days. SO grateful. Thank you. I am finally coming to terms with a narc mother and ex husband. 58 years of abuse since conception. I always felt like Cinderella – helper, invisible, truth teller and scapegoat all rolled into one. Now I know I didn’t imagine any of it. I finally am able to let go of the hurt and confusion and I have a new clarity and new expectations about life. SO grateful. 🙏
My dad is a full-blown narcissist and my siblings are all narcissistic. Through your articles, Dr. Ramani, and the help of my husband perusal with me, I have finally realized and started to separate myself from the toxic relationships that I have lived with and supported all my life. It’s tough. I keep falling back into old thought and behavior patterns. I’m truly blessed to have my sweet and patient husband’s insight, love, and support. Thank you Tim, my beloved ❤️
I’ve been with my husband narc for 28 years, it has affected my whole life. I finally woke up after reading a book by David Hawkins and separated from him almost 1 year ago. It’s the hardest and most courageous thing I’ve ever done. Working through my fears and insecurities since I left is very hard and sometimes lonely but it is still by far easier than being with the mind numbing, soul sucking evilness that is a narcissist. #TGBTG
I have all 5 signs. Based on the information I learned from this series, I’m pretty sure I endured long-lasting narcissistic abuse from my father, my stepfather, at least 2 of the friends I grew up with, along with their mothers, most of my school teachers, most of my work colleagues and superiors, my aunt, my uncle, and both of my previous romantic relationships. And yes, I am now an emotional wreck. Yay me! Keep this amazing work up, guys, these series are priceless! <3
Sibling. I was undergoing therapy during a very tough time, and my therapist said ‘She sounds like she has narcissistic personality disorder.’ Our mom called this sib a narcissist for years. Went “total no contact” and it was the best gift I ever gave myself. Unfortunately, I ended up isolated from my entire family, who rallied round the narcissist.
I have had to deal with this in several family members including a parent, a MIL and 2 siblings. Those relationships are soul crushing for a young person trying to figure life out. I developed so many life altering issues from this. Luckily I decided over a year ago to explore what was causing me to be so emotionally stressed all the time. Once I found out all the symptoms just kind of lifted. Over time some of these folks have passed on and sadly that is a relief at times, because most of us could have done without the bad memories of feeling strip mined for our emotional resources.
I was typing out a comment with some of my story, then deleted it out of fear that somehow she would see it and it would open that door again. So yea, nearly a decade out and it still affects me. Just happy to be free again and took the time to heal so that I could find the true love that I have now.
This breaks my heart because i hid from the world, i avoided being around family and friends, I lost any faith in myself ever making a choice that i didnt regret later. I hated being in this body and how alone and pathetic i was standing still and having shame and anger and most of me buried under the carpet…. I always felt like being in this relationship was an everyday reminder of how i was worth so little, and they are the crazy ones for being here with me, and settling for less..
I was in a narcissistic relationship with my daughters father for four years. He was the most manipulating person I have ever met and he had me doing things I would never do in my right mind. I suffer anxiety now from him. He filed bankruptcy, his car was repossessed, recovering alcoholic, gambling addiction, and has ptsd. Everyday I was walking on eggshells from the mental and emotional abuse. Everything was always my fault and nothing I did was good enough. Our relationship was strongly fueled on a sexual level.The best thing I did was leaving him. However I still suffer with the trauma bond but I am getting better everyday. He now has a new relationship and I just see it as his next victim. Poor girl has no idea what she’s in store for.
Set boundaries. As adult, it’s a lot easier to establish them and recognize what they are rather than reacting when you’re younger. After the boundaries have been established and communicated, if they aren’t followed consistently, then it’s time to go… and as long as you have voiced that you have deal breakers, the person either respects that or does not. After I have established and communicated my boundaries, I do not feel bad walking out of something that causes anxiety and drama due to lack of respecting my boundaries. Narcissists will more than likely not follow your boundaries even if they “hear you out,” watch their behavior… what’s causing problems… how or even if they respect your boundaries.
Dr. Ramani has been instrumental in helping me understand the abuse I was receiving. I never really understood narcissism, and only ever knew it as vanity. Until I found myself trapped in a controlling friendship where I feared living an independent life. She was like a parasite in my mind controlling everything I do. I would go grocery shopping alone and that would feel like a sin, I always had to make sure to ask if she wanted to join. (Yes it was that bad). She would constantly spam my phone so if I didn’t respond within minutes – it would get me in trouble. She would take it out on me in various ways but mostly acting rude and offish, creating a hostile environment to be around. But she’d trap you in it so you couldn’t leave, it was like perusal my food burn. Regardless, it took some time over a year. I became observent, I used our arguments to my advantage to distance myself further and further. With every argument, I would contact her less and less and see her less. I began taking control of my own life, and that drove her crazy. Until one day she burst in annoyance, in public. So I took the opportunity to cold Turkey it and not speak to her again. Obviously that was not the end, she used a mutual friend to meet up with me, then they both ganged up on me. I knew the tricks, so I played the game of acting defeated and defenseless. I made her think she won. She had realized that the friendship had ended because I distanced myself, but that didn’t sit right with her. So, she came back to end it her way.
My mum is a major narcissist and I didnt have the vocabulary to to really understand our relatioship until I watched some of Dr. Ramani’s articles and read “Yo’u’re not Crazy It’s Your Mother: understanding and healing for daughters of narcissistic mothers.” My life has been totally changed and these resources really helped me in my emotional healing journey so far.
Just within the last few weeks I have come to realize I have been married to a narcissistic wife for almost 19 years. As I have come across the characteristics of a narcissist and narcissistic abuse. It has been a huge eye opener and both a relief and also grief. I am so thankful for articles like this that have helped me learn more.
My mother is a narcissist. I love her and want to have a relationship with her, but she is very controlling in her conversations with me even when I tell her some things we talk about are off limits to her. She pushes me to the bring of exhaustion. She causes me so much hurt and anxiety. She always makes me feel like I’m not enough and she always has a better story, more hardships, that she is smarter and knows more. I call her to check on her because she is 85 years old, but I have to psyche myself up to be able to put up with her.
Just recently helped a dear friend whose wife had eventually had him locked up in a nursing home. He was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, which wasn’t that bad but she tricked him and he totally believed he was crazy. She also got him to sign her up as his power of attorney to stop friends and family visiting him. Luckily his brother sought professional help to have him discharged and he is now trying to get his brothers life and all the money she gambled back to him. The neurologist reviewed his case and said he wasn’t bad enough to be locked away and he had a civil case revoke her power of attorney. Don’t know how she did it but she managed to convince so called professional services go along with everything she wanted. I have known his woman for over forty years and am I just realising the narcissistic traits have been there all that time. Scary
3 months out of a year long relationship with a covert narcissist and it has been the most destructive relationship I’ve ever been in. I was ashamed to tell anyone but in the end my sister and brother supported me and helped realise it wasn’t my fault. The sex bomb and love bomb are the most confusing stages of them all.
My both parents are narcissists, only few days ago I understood that my mom is narcissistic, that was shocking. Because of that I’m very immature and I assume I could have autism, but I have strong empathy and comppasion, only most of the time I feel confused in social situations, but these articles really help to understand how our behavior works.
I was in a 5 year relationship with a Narcissist. Blissful and loving at first, then slowly a jealous tendency started showing itself in my partner (why are you late, you are flirting, you were looking at that women). Then gaslighting started (it took a long time to see how, contrived and false all the made up arguments were). 2 years into our relationship, it appeared a stressful time resulted in a workplace addiction. I supported my spouse and helped with doctors, counselling, rehab hospital, finances, and employment matters. 3 years into the relationship the behaviour switched to an aloof partner that would switch into an argumentative, violent, out of control spouse (who I did not know). At 4.25 years the mask was off, we separated (my initiation). I could see now, that my partner had serious mental health issues. The addiction that just showed up was actually a 11+ years addiction to opioids, that was hidden from me during counting. The behaviour upon separation was OUTRAGEOUS to say the least. Attacks via work, false allegations with police, attacks on finances, multiple strange men. ETC. Divorce, No Contact, CoDa and Therapy are what I’m utilizing to recover. It’s taken a little over 2 years to get back some of my life, and self. This is a tragic type of relationship. I was completely oblivious to what was playing out in my spouse for the first 2 years. I could see something was occurring, and chalked it up to a hard childhood or a previous negative relationship. I foolishly felt that a supportive caring relationship, would help alleviate these “old wounds” (I was wrong).
Continously having to remind myself of the truth. Powerful how the abuse can cause me to question my own reality, even when it is right in my face. I have written down all the abuse, so I can refer to when I begin to doubt my judgment. Very painful process, but I know I am worth recovering. I am grieving my fantasy and I know it was just that.
I was born into a family with multiple narcissists on both sides. I don’t really know what life is like without narcissistic abuse. That is all I have ever known. Not just in the realm of family but also from other places as well like friendships, romantic relationships – even school. Sometimes it’s sad to me when I think about the negative experiences with familial relationships that I have had. It’s very hard not to carry the baggage of being targeted by abusive family members from birth with you. Something that has given me hope and encouraged me as a Christian is the fact that my identity is ultimately in Christ – not in the things that people have told me about myself or done to me. My identity is not in the fact that I have family members who have done absolutely horrible things to me. It’s not in the fact that I have been betrayed or in the fact that I have been bullied or in the fact that people have tried to isolate me. My identity is in Christ and He has provided me with a family through my brothers and sisters in Christ. ❤️
She described my father. If I went to see him at his office, he would loudly demonstrate his great connection with me and give me money. I was the apple of his eye. At home, he wanted NOTHING to do with me. Nothing. I learned this early and went to my bedroom when he came home because his disdain was so painful. In public, he was always the life of the party. At home he was morose and distant, living behind a wall with barbed wire on top. He managed to give all his kids severe anxiety and inferiority complexes (since he had to WIN at everything). Took me years of analysis to get to this truth and overcome this. My mother also became extremely neurotic and frightened. If she complained to him, he would say something like “If I wasn’t such a good Christian, I would divorce you!” Wow. I sincerely believe that he always wore a mask to woe her. Once married, he took the mask off. None of us kids attended his funeral. We just couldn’t. My poor mother died 16 years before him.
I was married for 30 years to a narcissist who had narcissistic rage against me and two of our four children — the only son and the oldest, a daughter. I am sure the other two daughters were damaged also. I had continual anxiety and was forever stepping in to deflect the rage from the children onto myself. I have anxiety and depression and absolute can not be around anyone who is very angry and shouting, even when it is not directed toward me.
The isolation also happens because in my case after 5 years I thought I was going crazy and I would forget everything in a regular conversation so I stayed away from people because I didnt want them to ask me questions that I would not be able to answer, just regular questions are very challenging. Looking back, even asking me about my week I was with a blank mind, and if on top of that my phone rang and I had to explain to the narc what I was doing before I answered, then it made it way too complicated to re tell what happened and of course he would say, ‘ it sounds like you are lying” Anyways, if you are still a bit sane, leave that hell! A relationship with a narcissist is not even a relationship. It is like stepping on poop and instead of cleaning your shoe, you just walk around pretending that at some point the smell will get better and that you will learn to love it.
This list pretty much defines me. I’m leaving in two weeks. I am returning home after 21 years in another country. I have extreme anxiety. What if something goes wrong and I’m stuck here? I don’t have any confidence left. I second guess everything. I cry at the drop of a hat. I just keep telling myself God got me this far. God will take me the rest of the way.
I lived with some relatives of mine for a year, who were narcissistic and emotionally abusive. They broke my spirit, and I let them because I felt stuck. Getting out of that situation was an experience I NEVER EVER want to repeat. I know many people will know exactly what I mean when I say that getting out can be even more painful than BEING IN the relationship day-to-day, because narcissists will do anything to hurt you if they sense that they’ve lost control. I’m so thankful that I was able to completely cut them out of my life and had the opportunity to start a completely new life for myself. I didn’t expect it to take months for me to BEGIN to feel like myself again, and a year later, I’m still healing. And I literally just realized that she is the reason I don’t trust friendships with other women. Because I believed for so long that she was a friend I could trust, even while she was hurting me.
I was in a relationship with a narcissist and it took me about 10 months to realize it. I broke off the engagement with him and decided to leave the relationship and have never felt so good in my whole life. It was the most miserable 10 months of my life. Its been really interesting to watch these articles of narcissists and recognizing that my ex fits into every single category…
Social withdrawal and loosing all selfesteem is right. I closed myself in for a year and saw noone. I also got what the psychologist told me was “identity crisis” where I didnt know how I was suppose to be like or “who” I was. That went away but I never healed my self esteem. I was never the same again after one year with a diagnosed narcissist. I had to go on antidepressants and went to the psych ward for 24/7 panic where I would shake in anxiety. He’s dead now, he was murdered a year ago. I’m thinking karma got him. He was strangled to death, highly obese, having lost all his hair and wearing glasses. He never had a functioning relationship with a partner. The latest narc (yes, I attract them being an empath) was exactly like she explains; They will refuse to talk through anything, blocking with several different answers to the same question to confuse you, finally you get sad and depressed, isolate and I got physically sick this time in autoimmune disease. I almost died last spring, my heart was about to stop in heart failiure. After that something clicked and I haven’t seen him for a year and ALL other narcs I sniff out around me, I IMMEDIATELY cut off. And I found some, when you cut one off, two more will come, they’re like demons around a christian. After 25 years experience, my advice; if you even suspect someone to be one -CUT THEM OFF IMMEDIATELY or they will damage you beyond repair!