An affair can provide feelings of affirmation, restore vitality, and activate courage to leave a marriage when doing so is the healthiest path. Infidelity can lead to physical stress and emotional ruin, and ways to navigate recovery are essential. New research explores the motivations for and consequences of sexual affairs, finding that poor relationship quality is often not a cause for affairs. Engaging in an affair can cause significant emotional pain and damage to all parties involved, including yourself, your partner, and the person with whom you are. Experts agree that the key to making an unhealthy affair blossom into a healthy lasting relationship is communication.
Unhealthy lifestyle factors protect people against serious health problems like diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, stroke, and metabolic-based diseases. It is not healthy to remain in a relationship with a cheater because of the erosion of self respect and self esteem. Infidelity may not only have a destructive impact on the relationship, which may lead to separation or divorce, but may negatively affect the partners’ overall well-being.
Many affair partners are chosen because of attachments created due to excessive time spent together in a shared activity that is exclusive of their mate. An affair is all-consuming and an addiction, and the more you trust and feel safe with someone, the more powerful and powerful the bond becomes. Factors such as an unhealthy diet, sedentary lifestyle, smoking, and high alcohol consumption have been associated with depression. The purpose of this study was to explore the impact of different unhealthy lifestyles and their patterns on depressive symptoms.
📹 12 Behaviors That Destroy Relationships
Just as there are daily habits that build a strong romantic relationship, there are behaviors that destroy relationships as well.
Can affairs ever be healthy?
An unhappy marriage can lead to physical and emotional damage, and some individuals may accept this and become numb and depressed without hope for change. An affair can be a healthy act, reflecting an unconscious or semi-conscious awareness of a desire to grow and become more alive. It can provide feelings of affirmation and restore vitality, and can activate courage to leave the marriage when doing so is the healthiest path.
Dead relationships exist among both men and women. For example, a man in his 70s felt starved for intimacy and sex within his long-dead marriage. His attraction to someone he met through work slowly blossomed into an affair, helping him realize there could be more to life. He explained to his wife that he needed more, but they parted, remaining friends.
A woman in her 40s tried couples therapy and workshops to improve communication and intimacy with her husband, but remained closed off and inattentive. She became aware of the damage her self-esteem had become and began an affair with a co-worker. Although the affair didn’t last long, it catapulted her towards greater self-confidence and a sense of new possibilities. She decided to leave her husband, feeling stronger and without regrets.
Why are affairs so damaging?
The faithful partner often struggles with forgiveness and trust, leading to depression and loss of confidence. The unfaithful partner, on the other hand, experiences prolonged shame, guilt, and anxiety. An affair can lead to divorce, heartache, and difficulties for the children. Avoiding affairs is crucial for the health of the relationship and family life, as it can save time and money. Recognizing warning signs of infidelity is essential, but developing greater intimacy within the relationship through better listening, communication, unselfish acts, ongoing support, and genuine interest is more effective.
Is cheating a coping mechanism?
Cheating can be a source of excitement, renewal, and joy, but it can also lead to feelings of neglect, situational forces, self-esteem, and anger issues. Despite the negative consequences, many people continue to cheat, especially in marriages, which can result in divorce, parental disruption, depression, anxiety, or even domestic abuse. A survey by Psychology Today found that 16 out of 20 adults and 13 of 13 women have had sexual intercourse with someone other than their spouse while in a marriage.
Detecting cheating can be challenging, but signs include lack of sleep, increased electronic device protection, hypercriticism, reduced interest in sexual intercourse, constant distraction, increased difficulty in connecting, and increased demand for privacy. A survey by Ladders found that 57 of cheaters were ultimately forgiven by their partner, with 21 being immediately forgiven and 36 after a period of time.
When an affair is revealed, both partners may experience powerful emotions, with the cheater fearing they will never be forgiven and the victim feeling traumatized, betrayed, stressed, and depressed. To rebuild the relationship, it is recommended to make rational decisions, give each other space, seek professional support, and take your time. Recovering from an affair is a challenging time, but if couples rebuild trust, take responsibility for their actions, resolve conflict, forgive mistakes, and continue to show unconditional love, the process could potentially deepen the love and affection within the relationship.
Is infidelity considered trauma?
Experiencing infidelity can be a traumatic experience, causing negative emotions like anger, sadness, and betrayal. It can also significantly impact mental health, leading to depression. If you or someone you know has experienced infidelity, it may be possible to develop PTSD, or post-traumatic stress disorder, after experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event. Cheating can be a traumatic event for the person who was cheated, causing intense emotional distress and feelings of betrayal.
While not everyone who experiences infidelity will develop PTSD, some may experience symptoms similar to PTSD, such as intrusive thoughts, heightened anxiety, emotional distress, and difficulty sleeping. These symptoms can be triggered by reminders of the infidelity, such as seeing the person who cheated or hearing a certain song.
Why does infidelity hurt so much?
Infidelity can be a painful experience, causing feelings of guilt, isolation, anger, and confusion. Therapist Brianna Brunner, owner of Couples Therapy Services, explains that cheating hurts because the person you trusted has betrayed you, making it seem like your life was a lie. This can lead to overthinking and confusion, as the person you rely on most can do the same. Therapist Jessica Fernandez, LMFT, adds that the isolation, anger, and confusion can lead to thought spirals and trigger mental imagery of what could have happened. This type of betrayal can also lead to depressive episodes or anxiety, impacting how you show up for yourself, your job, and those you are responsible for.
Why do powerful people have affairs?
Powerful men often have high levels of responsibility and authority, which can lead to adrenaline dependency and a need for excitement or challenges. An affair can provide the same exhilaration in their private life, as seen in Arnold’s case where he watched his son play with his and Maria’s children. Powerful men are often surrounded by people who protect them, idolize them, and enable their vices to remain in their influential orbit. This environment can affect their ego, self-image, and sense of propriety and limits. Arnold’s hiding of his affair and “love child” for over 14 years suggests he felt invulnerable.
An affair can also signal an internal need for change, as it triggers change in a man’s life or relationship. Couples often resort to infidelity due to boredom and relationship ruts, which can lead to dissatisfaction and dissatisfaction. If both spouses fail to maintain intimacy, freshness, and fun, it is not uncommon for a married couple to get into a relationship rut after 25 years of marriage.
How do men feel after cheating?
About 1 in 4 to 5 Americans have an affair, with 68 men feeling guilty after having one. Cheating husbands often express this guilt in their behavior, even if they haven’t confessed. Men are more likely to feel guilt over sexual affairs than emotional ones, possibly because they view sexual fidelity as more important. Several signs that your husband may be feeling guilty after cheating or an extramarital affair include:
- Changes in behavior that make you wonder if your spouse is displaying cheating husband guilt.
Do men regret their affairs?
Cheating often leads to feelings of remorse and guilt, which can vary among individuals. Emotional pain, fear of discovery, and the strain of maintaining a deceitful double life can affect a cheater’s mental health and overall well-being. The concept of karma suggests that actions have consequences, and cheaters may face repercussions in their relationships, reputation, or personal growth. If karma exists, its impact can manifest in various ways as a result of their actions.
Do wives regret affairs?
New research indicates that sexual dissatisfaction is the primary motivation for infidelity in monogamous relationships, despite being considered a moral transgression and a cause of divorce and intimate partner violence. Infidelity is common, with 20-25% of married people and 33-50% of young adults in dating relationships having affairs. The cause of infidelity is often assumed to be relationship problems, with those who commit infidelity often experiencing guilt and emotional upheaval.
However, relationships and people are complex, and people’s behavior in relationships often contradicts both received wisdom and common sense. The paradox of infidelity in monogamous relationships is that it is a highly desired yet not easily maintained goal.
Do people regret having affairs?
Infidelity in monogamous relationships is a paradox, as it is often considered a moral transgression, a cause of divorce, and a predictor of intimate partner violence. However, it is common, with 20-25% of married people and 33-50% of young adults in dating relationships having affairs. The cause of this failure is often assumed to be relationship problems, with those who commit infidelity often experiencing guilt and emotional upheaval.
However, relationships and people are complex, and people’s behavior in relationships often contradicts both received wisdom and common sense. Therefore, understanding the complex nature of relationships is crucial for addressing the issue of infidelity.
Should I feel bad if I cheated?
After cheating, it’s important to recognize that feeling terrible after cheating can be a positive sign, as it allows you to focus on your relationship and work through any existing issues. However, it’s important to remember that cheating can have underlying causes, such as neglect, emotional connection, or anger. Many people who cheat may still love their partner and feel terrible after cheating, but it’s important to recognize that these underlying causes can lead to a lapse in love, even if love remains. It’s crucial to work through these issues and seek help from a therapist or other support systems to help you find forgiveness and move forward.
📹 The 5 Signs Your Relationship Is Over | Mel Robbins
How do you “know” if someone is right for you? The simplest answer: Only you can decide that. In this video, I share the 5 signs …
This is okay because my husband doesn’t care a single bit about image and impressing others. He doesn’t dress up, he’s the type of guy who will be happy to wear singlet, shorts and slippers any day so I adapted the same lifestyle and basically I learned that being a high maintenance woman will only make us broke. We do take care of ourselves still and we make sure we eat healthy and exercise to live longer. However, it really depends on the couple. Some may want to keep up with their style of being glamorous and always looking presentable but being with my husband for close to 10 years now, I’ve learned that simplicity, respect and honesty makes the marriage stronger and often leads to a happier life. Trust me girls, your beauty will fade, you will have to erase your makeup at the end of the day, your high heels only gives you temporary height and of course your push up bras will no longer support those babies when it’s removed. So be you, the man who will not appreciate your natural beauty is only after your appearance and body but not your heart and soul.😉
Been married 26 years and we had our rough times. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship but you can grow and change if you really want to. You just can’t force another to change. My problem was spending way too much on frivolous items or trying to make the perfect house. In actuality she just wanted to spend time with me. As my father told me once ” slow down and enjoy life, you don’t have to have the greatest of everything “. That came from a self made multimillionaire that has been extremely poor as well as wealthy. I started following that advice several years ago. I don’t try impressing anyone. If you don’t like my house, car or anything else that doesn’t matter then don’t come over. Pretending to be rich nearly caused me to go broke. Don’t try to spend money to get the girl. If she truly wants you for you that’s all you need.
This is almost every relationship destroying behavior, besides being overly suspicious and jealous. Trying to compete with each other all the time. Assuming. Blaming. Being too passive about your requirements. Holding up standards that aren’t reasonable. Complaining about everything. The biggest one I’d say is acting single, that one does the most damage. No one is really ever opposed to you having cute friends but if you’re waving around this big I’m single flag and you have so much shame in your relationship with me, I’m out. Another one is when a person doesn’t take info on their partner with a grain of salt, they just consider all that is said to be the way of it. Looking for excuses to close off the relationship will kill a relationship, this to me shows more of a lack of enthusiasm for the relationship than dressing to the nines all the time.
After the honeymoon phase wore off and the excitement and butterflies of love, I realized we weren’t as compatible as I thought. Sounds right? Absolutely not. What happened after this phase was we stopped listening, learning and understanding. Drastic shift from “Ours” to “my”. I really wanted to make my relationship work. I also tried couple question games like Lovify. And it actually did help us learn more about each other. But what really made a difference was my willingness to listen and learn more about my partner 💗💗
Never bring up past mistakes and unhappiness in an argument, especially in a heated one. It is so tempting to hold their past mistakes over your partners head, guilt trip them, let them see the ‘wrong of their ways’. But literally, don’t. Keeping score of mistakes (he/she did this X number of times to me, and I only did it Y times) is the worst thing you can do to your relationship. Each time you do this, it creates a snowball effect. When every argument you have with your partner is a compound of all the 1000 arguments you had in the past, it’s no wonder that these things can never be resolved. Instead, be in a very present state of mind when you argue, and pull yourself back to the present when you wander to the past. Only talk about the matter on hand, that’s going on at the present moment. Play fair (especially us ladies). Even if you’ve got tons of unresolved issues, in the middle of a fight is the wrong place to start talking about them. Relationship issues are like knots, they have to be untangled slowly and gently, and treated individually. Especially for couples who fight all the time. If you reduce the momentum of your fights, there will be a point when things grow calm enough for you to get through to your partner. When both of you are calmer, it’s much easier to negotiate and discuss.
Long term commitment is a choice. It is a constant compromise, extend patience and limitless efforts. It should be “Two Against The World”. Both of you should have the willingness to invest yourself in able to build a strong, loving relationship. You have to be ALL-IN as Jordan Peterson’s advice. Because each of us are different in so many ways, therefore, in a relationship, there will always be a constant battle, not to break you but to teach you how to be the right person for your partner and vice versa. If you feel that you’ve found the ONE, give your best self and keep improving yourself coz you will be the mirror of your partner😊😉
My father often says, “Just because you ordered the steak dinner does not mean you can not read the dessert menu. But do not dare place in order for that dessert. Your steak dinner came with one.” My mum and dad often partook of reading the dessert menu in front of each other. They never sampled the extra dessert around them. They both know their steak dinners come with pleanty of dessert. They celebrated 52 years married in April.
Yup, lack of affection, lack of communication are some of the reasons I’m out ✌🏽. I’m not going to beg for something I can get elsewhere without asking once and I’m tired of repeating myself. Super annoying trying to have a conversation with someone who can’t take their eyes off their phone for 2 seconds. Not to mention him constantly lying to his family when he doesn’t want to be bothered saying he’s cleaning the house when he’s really asleep. They think I’m a slob.
Thanks for the article, it’s throwing light on many good and important things, but many important things are missed out I suppose. While certain facts like dressing up etc are new and surprising to be in this list, there so many more that are far more relevant but absent in your list! Eg: never taking responsibility of your actions, being a hypocrite, never accepting mistakes and defending endlessly, using the partner to ones advantage, it’s also a form of cheating! Dismissing the needs of the other one as a constant pattern etc.
I wonder if there is a pair that could watch it together in silence and actually change a few things. It seems like it’s possible, is it? Anyone? I think it’s often something wrong from the start and nothing will help. One person will be unwilling to change anything or even admit he or she is doing something wrong. The only way out is out. And then it depends on the age. If you’re over 40 you better learn to live single to the rest of your life. I’m doing pretty well. Still way better than being in a toxic relationship.
Since my love passed away.. and many failed relationships after.. it took many years to finally find my soulmate. I will never take for granted TRUE LOVE! And I will keep myself tight and fit and I want to always have goals for him and myself where we believe in our dreams and make money. Being responsible is very important 👑 I’m trying so hard to change as a mature woman so I can be a great woman for a great man. Also it’s always important to have our own passions and happiness alone and together. I’ve learned so much after so many failed relationships I will try my best and ask God to bring fruition!!! To all the good people
Honestly the whole relationship thing shouldn’t even have rules/laws….if someone loves you he/she will find every reason to make it work, if someone doesn’t he/she will find every reason to end it. However, its always better to love than to focus on being loved cause even when it doesn’t work out knowing you loved someone genuinely will give you peace.
Well being with someone that suffers from depression, anxiety and low self esteem, yes it is hard and makes one tired at times.. but instead of leaving I do my best to help him get through the depression and find ways to overcome and manage the anxiety. To build his self esteem so he can feel good about his self and that he is able to handle things on his on. I don’t find those thing an excuse for me to leave him, only if he wouldn’t want to help himself, get in a worse state and push me away/shut me out I would have to leave, cause otherwise I would only enable it. You can’t help someone that doesn’t want to be helped. I too suffer from anxiety and depression but it’s been worse for me. He tries the best he can to help me up aswell. I have more knowledge though to manage it myself. But he does take good care of me when my body acts up, like having seizures or having migraine. It’s about taking care of each other, to give and to take. Look for the perfection is what’s good about the person, not the lack of it because of it’s faults. We all have sides of ourselves that aren’t all that great.
Why have a relationship..when you have to walk on pins and needles..that puts stress on being together..if you have to worry about who’s going to get upset..you don’t need a relationship..The Codependency theory is a relationship KILLER..who wants to be compared to someone else..no one else should ever be involved in someone’s relationship..don’t need interference.
God says.. “Love is kind and patient. It does not boast r dishonor r point others wrongdoings!” Every relationship Every relationship should add value, meaning n strength to one’s life. It should deepen our insights, thoughts n attitudes towards positive, loving co-habituation n growth as a secured family,community, nation n global peace!!!!
OMG, my marriage is doomed. However, I have known this for a long, long, time know, but it’s funny how this list of “doomed behaviors” confirms it. Just basically hanging in there until the last child graduates college. I’ll be moving to Canada and living under an alias within the next year. WOOOO-WHOOOO! I’m actually very excited about it! Wish me luck folks!
I never dated, not seriously, until last May. I’m 35 now and honestly, waiting this long was worth it. My love and I met almost 10 years ago and were in/out of contact throughout, with the exception of the about 5 year period that he got back with his teenage sweetheart, until realizing the relationship was toxic and last May texted me out of nowhere. Things happen in crazy ways, but don’t look for love. Let it come to you.
They talk about depression and negative emotions as the partner has this on purpose. Which is in reatlity not. It’s obvious an mental illnes and it doesn’t work like “Hey don’t be sad anymore” “Aw thanks that helped” It needs a lot of time and professional help to cure something like that. And the knowing that the Partner is feeling annoyed about the emotions of them stresses them even more out and pushes the circle of dark emotions additionally
WELL I CANT HELP FEELING INSECURE CAN I. My partner doesn’t open up. I bond through deep conversations and he doesn’t ever respond sometimes. Literally leaves me on “read” in physical form. I’m trying to be patient and trying to let him open up at his own pace but we have been together for 2.5 years. Even if he doesn’t open up, as I’m opening up I need some kind of response not just silent and im tired of telling him. Im about to lose my shit.
Wow, where do I start? Losing myself in the relationship to the point that I cannot even decide what website to put on the TV. Not having any say in anything that happens. Being isolated from the friends I used to have? And, #12, saying you’re sorry. How about if I say I’m sorry (because she’s ALWAYS right) and the apology is immediately dismissed by saying, “Yeah, sorry just doesn’t cut it”. Then what? You apologize and get blown off or you don’t apologize and never hear the end of it. We’ve been together for over 27 yrs. I’m still hearing about things that I did wrong from the 1st year of our relationship!! I just wish the fix was easy, but it never is.
Found my soulmate… nothing to.wrry nothing to fear ..nothing to stress…hes there to support n guide…i make the final decisions. I feel freedom ie no.1 importsnce in my life.if u feel threathen u will nt hv PEACE wo peace u cannt achieve anything…remmbr tht. Love must inckude peace . Love wth chaos is a failed love…
1. What if I do look after myself, and get scolded at for wanting to dress up a certain way or not dressing up a certain way even though I took care of everything else. 2. I had dental and credit card bills to pay down. 3. Certain friends had to get cut off immediately, for getting too comfortable in my own relationship. So needing to be alone was more important so I can share good energy with partner 4. Began challenging my codependent issues with my therapist, and plus partner was too reliant on everyone else. 5. I always made sure to let people know I was happily committed and my partner was one of my priorities….well at the time. 6. I had to get away from my former, to rebalance myself. Her dumping me, was a fucking blessing waiting to happen. I’m a career woman now 7. I’ve always always always showed different types of affection towards my partner. She had a problem out of nowhere 8. When I was done nagging and took initiative as suggested by their mother, then they accused me of not giving a fuck. When I stop communicating, then we have a problem. 9. I talked too much, they had “a lot” of shit going on, I was being “pushy”, and blah blah blah… I put my phone down to remain close to them. 10. I kept that shit 100 because she let me know from the beginning of our relationship she needed truth. So I confessed and outted myself on lies I have told her, and risking embarrassment and untrustworthiness to let her know I cared for her more than my exaggerations and lies 11. I did act compulsively once with her present, and I was willing to pay for it.
In any relationship one must be overt about anything that impedes to keep going for any one of the partners. Feeling sorry and hiding it from the other side hoping for the best will follow in the future is no-go because it hurts and eats away underneath the relationship fast and one fine morning the bearer finds himself in the midst of darkness of void with no one around to take you out of depression unless you are that lucky enough to revive. Truthfulness and communication and true courage to live for a demanding situation without backing down are the bonds that bind a relationship for ever. if it feels that there’s no love lost in between, there’s no point to lose time to walk away and that saves and pays multiple ways.
I feel so ashamed as all my problems come down to me not knowing how to blurt things out. I try to be diplomatic but I guess I find it hard to say if something is upsetting me . Like why does your mum meddle in our marriage? And why don’t you ever support me. My whole destroyed because of this huge flaw in me. I try to be kind and gentle but sometimes I can’t bear it any longer because I have been tolerating bad behaviour for too long!
Don’t agree with the codependent part because when you are in a relationship dependance are important, because without your partner you will depend on your friends, family members or even carriers. codependency is sometimes important in the relationship. Infact most marriages work well when codependency is balanced, you can still wipe you ass without them type of balance.
#13 Getting yourself tangled up in a relationship to begin with. Think about it… Every relationship ends at some point. (I was married for 32 years) It’s instinctive for men to spread their seed. Women instinctively nuture, we tend to do this much more at the beginning of a relationship… eventually this turns the woman into the mother roll, and men in the child roll… then the infidelity is off and running… which ends up running the woman into the ground. After 32 years of being gaslight daily the stress has now made me critically ill. Yes. I. Know. This. Is. Too. Real. Ask any anthropologist.
Using betraying, and painfully abandoning someone will ruin a relationship. I learned this first hand. She had her friends in on it also. But, no more! I promised myself never to allow even the smallest of chance of the events of 1999 and 2000 happening again. I deleted them all from my life. Then I socially isolated myself. Now it is impossible to ever be used, betrayed, and painfully abandoned again. Loneliness is rather a sickly feeling. But anybody can function while being lonely just fine. But the crippling emotions that a fake girlfriend and false friends can inflict on you can be horrific. I will never be social again. The benefits are not worth the risks.
“WEDDINGS” are always so EXCITING, INSPIRING, UP-LIFTING, ENLIGHTENING!!! … FULL of LOVE & JOY! in the ATMOSPHERE!!! … especially for the “BRIDE & GROOM!” … that are HONOURED & GRATEFUL … for the “SPOTLIGHT!!” … and “Opportunity!” … to “SHARE & ACKNOWLEDGE” their DEDICATION & COMMITMENT of their LOVE & UNITY … in the presence of Family & Friends!! The “Reception” is always filled with LOVE, JOY & plenty of LAUGHTER! … because some “NEWLY-WEDS” are often too “SHY!” to “EXPRESS” their LOVE & AFFECTION publicly!! So, this occasion is “The Time!” … that Family & Friends “INSIST” that some “KISSING” is part of the “ENTERTAINMENT!!” LOL! : ) So, as I RISE to my feet … to pay my “RESPECT” and Well Wishes!! … to the BRIDE & GROOM … gently tapping my Wine Glass with the Silverware!! … expecting the BRIDE & GROOM to “Share a JUICY KISS!! … My ADVICE & ENCOURAGEMENT will always be: IT IS WRITTEN: “DO NOT be conformed to the ‘Things of This World;’ but BE TRANSFORMED by the RENEWING of your MIND!!!” Then I would add: “MARRIAGE” is NOT “SELFISHNESS!!” COMMUNICATION is extremely ESSENTIAL!!! … for a successful, “Long-Lasting” UNION!!! Be “HONEST & OPEN” with one another … in regards to your “FEELINGS, DESIRES, LIKES & DISLIKES!!” … ensuring and making “SELF-LESS SACRIFICES!!!” … in order for your SPOUSE/Significant Other to be “CONTENT, SATISFIED, ASSURED, SECURE, HEALTHY & “HOPEFUL!!!” “If the ‘HUSBAND’ does EVERYTHING in his POWER!! … to make SURE that his ‘WIFE’ is HAPPY!
#6 destroyed the most previous relationship I was in. I grew impatient with the false accusations of cheating when I was focused on just us two. She was straight forward with her shackles as I made multiple attempts to give her insight on breaking them. Plus, she had self worth issues, couldn’t handle stress, involved with petty and gossip, anxious, ratchet when upset, abandonment issues, daddy issues, trauma from a past relationship that developed trust issues, and toxic family members. All of that had weakened my own self control where I started becoming verbally abusive to all the mess bc I just gave up on positive reinforcement, as that alone showed how I needed to grow; but damn…. All that krap! Yep, I deserved all of that experience bc like a fool, I was gonna be Mighty Mouse to a damned Danger Mouse who had all these issues, all products of all that #6 entails. Never again even if Hell gets an Ice Age. Learn from my frustration and mind the facts of this article. I humbly beg you.
When they see the trust you place in them, it will not reinforce the relationship if it is a coercively abusive relationship that is one of intentional power and control gain. Only place your trust I them and show your vulnerability if, over time, they have shown you that they are safe enough for you to do so.
There was a girl I tried to have a relationship with. She said she couldn’t take the “Negativity and self deprivation.” Which was majorly cause I wasn’t in her words “Listening to her and what she was actually saying.” But to me it was pretty much just non stop blaming me for everything and expecting me to change myself for her cause she lived in a world where “its been dumped on me by myself for so long if I don’t do everything, nothing is going to get done.” She didn’t want to have any sort of physical contact, due to “not liking her person touched by anyone. ” She also refused to ever say Sorry for anything big or little her reaction is “Oh well, I have lost all abilities to care about this subject.” Everything in her mind that made her like this was on her father, he pretty much ruined her life and refused to leave him or strike out on her own. Badgering him and doing what she did to me was more important. I am much happier with my new girl.
( EYE JUST HERE TO MAKE EU THINK). RELATIONSHIPS R NOT SOMETHING THA MOST PPL ON EARTH R DIRECTLY TAUGHT. INSTEAD WEE R INDIRECTLY TAUGHT ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS BY HOUR INTERACTIONS WITH HOUR FAMILEYE MEMBERS PEERS BY perusal MOVIES AND READING STORIES BUT THESE INTERACTIONS AND THESE STORIES R NOT NECESSARILY IN ALIGNMENT AND THEY R OLL SO NOT NECESSARILY A REFLECTION OF REALITY AZ A RESULT WATT WEE LEARN ABOUT HOW TO HAVE RELATIONSHIPS MAYBEE TOTALLY DYSFUNCTIONAL AND WATT WEE LEARN ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS MAY OLLSO BEE FALSE. FACTS OVA FEELING’S!
now i realise our problem, which is : i was too codependent on her and seeking her validation while being highly sensitive, also i’m a pessimist who brings a lot of negativety …. ohh crap i’m such a heavy burden on her somehow we are still together but highly wounded … Guys, can you help me out, what whould i do or how can i make things better … and thank you 😐
Since my love passed away.. and many failed relationships after.. it took many years to finally find my soulmate. I will never take for granted TRUE LOVE! And I will keep myself tight and fit and I want to always have goals for him and myself where we believe in our dreams and make money. Being responsible is very important I’m trying so hard to change as a mature woman so I can be a great woman for a great man. Also it’s always important to have our own passions and happiness alone and together. I’ve learned so much after so many failed relationships I will try my best and ask God to bring fruition!!! To all the good people
There is only one behavior that hurts a relationship and that is selfishness. Every one of the other behaviors listed here just stem from that. The most desirable trait in a partner is generosity, or more specifically selflessness. Genuinely caring more about the other person than yourself. Modern people are almost sociopaths compared to that ideal.
secrets. don’t keep secrets from each other . why are u trying to hife things ? maybe you shouldn’t be doing them if u feel you have to hide something. and if you are in a partner / relation ship, no matter how bad u think things are, your partner will understand better if you don’t hide things . Personally I’ll fight to thru thick and thin for someone, with some one . just dont lie to me . I’ll get over anything if u just tell me . that’s all I ask . That’s the 1 thing I guess is to much to ask for from someone. I’ve yet to meet anyone that can stand up to this.. …
Well I had a relationship with a narcissist girl, she made me feel like was everything my fault and she was just a victim… for some weeks I believed but then I realized everything she did 🤡🤡 so I had an argument with her and she didn’t admitted anything …. I am still mad for accepting her, she was so cringe trying to seduce me all the time and I should leave her instead of pity her….. 5 months after blocking her and I still have hate loops, maybe is better if I see doctor
My wife has a lot of these characteristics lack of affection put me in financial debt can’t communicate I’m told to shut up and I’m annoying TV and Twitter is more important or her sister coming over she likes to indulge in alcohol to I think that’s a lot of the problem complains about money but won’t get a job to help out with finances.
At the time, I didn’t know that I was marrying a child. I know, “everybody says that.” But it’s been suggested more than once that he is probably “on the spectrum,” which explains why it’s getting worse as he gets older. He’s obsessed with games, toys, and old TV shows. I’ve described myself as a single parent with a live-in spouse.
Overly sensitive is not being negative. Being “overly sensitive” or hyper sensitive, means that your senses are dialed in more than most, so nothing negative there. There is something negative with someone not communicating properly or enough. Sensitive people will pick up on those negative qualities and it hurts, so yeah.
On the subject of money. Been married for 37 years so far. What works for us. We have a joint account, and personal accounts. All money coming in from both of us goes into the joint account. All normal bills are paid from the joint account. Each April we work out what the monthly bills are likely to be. Then that is deducted from the amount going in each month. Then an amount is decided to go into a joint savings account for emergencies, holidays etc. The amount left is divided by 2 and transfers into our personal accounts in weekly installments. So there are no disputes about how much one person is spending.
IN MY 60 YEARS OF 5 LONG TERM RELATIONSHIPS ( NOTHING TO BE PROUD OF…SAD REALLY), YOUR 12 BEHAVIOURS REFLECT MANY OF MY WRONG WAYS…..ANY READER WHO DISAGREE WITH MOST IF NOT ALL OF YR VIEWS……ARE DOOM TO HAVE A DIFFICULT AND FAIL RELATIONSHIP, SOONER RATHER THAN LATER…..HOWEVER, SAD IN HUMAN WAYS, KNOWING OUR MISTAKES…..NOT/NEVER MEAN THAT WE CAN CHANGE AND DO BETTER, AS IN MODERN SOCIETY, IT TAKE MORE THAN 2 PEOPLE TO REALLY MAKE ANY LONG LASTING RELATIONSHIP WORKS……BUT YR COMMENTS ….IS A REAL GOOD START :):):)
Love these nd when those ppl are in a relationship nd couples will follow them it could be easily problems could be solved,you want to be attractive to your partner then you need to practice good personal hygienic nd attractive on the eyes of your partner(bcoz its good to see in your eyes that your partner is always neat,feel nd smelling fresh nd looks great nd everything are all clean nd tidy inside your house,a good spender nd saver time,food, money effort
Go out to play sport and leave her home alone all weekend…every weekend. Spend your money on fun stuff and she can pay the mortgage. Side with the kids. Insist the TV goes on as soon as you get home. Avoid hugs. Talk with your sporty friends for hours, but not with her. In general, be a stupid ninny.
..so…i thought i met a great connection ..before we took it further he assured and promised me he wasnt married….well…he is…54 years on this planet and i am starting to realize that i dont think its even natural for men to be with one woman….they obviously cant due to hormones or whatever…but seriously i am done with a the checklists of what to do what not to do what to say what not to say when to sleep with him when to give him space….goodbye…i am exhausted..wayyyy too many rules…having to always look your best…. Omg….i think i will just focus on loving and taking care of me ( and my toy)….aaaahhhh
A technical observation: On this and MANY other YouTubers’ clips, when it cuts to the interacting scenes, the models all seem to be cut from the same mold–thin, thirty, and attractive. That’s not reality. Is it possible for Brainy Dose to subscribe to other article vendors that portray people from all age groups and appearances?
Having no other interests outside of the relationship: What if all your partner did in his spare time before you got together with them was go to strip clubs and get blow jobs from the strippers, film himself with women he took home from bars, or get happy endings (sex) from massage places? Should I just let him continue to do his “interests” lmao!
Not making enough money. That’s all. That’s the only mistake anyone can make in any kind of relationship, ok? Note well. Every other mistake can be forgiven, but not this one. As an old hindi saying goes, ” when the poverty walks in through the door, the love goes outta window”. Make enough money guys and everything is peaches and cream 🍨
Attention…❤❤❤😊😊😊 Every consultation and solution.. in every matter from the family to the sea and the mountains and the end of time and the creation of man and…. in life you want from the verses of the Quran and from Imam Ali (peace be upon him) Ask on Google to get the answer from the world’s greatest psychologist
Control and power and keeping you down like them yep it’s bad very bad. I like to slap them first and say ok now that I put you in shock mode we need to talk. Be aware thoe who your up against you don’t know what Thay could do. Stay on gard. Always be thinking and be aware. Don’t ever take things for granted and say o he’s ok henever did nothing like that. Maybe cause your moma don’t know what’s up behind close doors. We can all where a mask just put one on and your in. Actors and actress behaivors.
I try to tell him. That doesn’t work because “listen” is not in his vocabulary. Sometimes I wonder.. “.. As a baby, how did he learn to talk? Don’t babies learn to talk from listening? He has no concept of it…” Maybe he only listened just long enough to learn how to talk. This is called, “Choosing To Be Stupid.” If you listen, you just might learn something. I think I might be choosing to be stupid. I with a man that don’t have a clue how to listen, and once told me he doesn’t like to think.
Hard to figure it all out when two and a half years have gone by. You both can laugh, act funny infront of each other, respect the dating boundaries, and do the important little things for each other, but when time has settled and you see your moral compasses don’t align, they gossip way too much when you don’t care to know of anyone’s business, they feel you make personal attacks probably due to their personal attacks on others, and when you hear “you always” all the time can really make you doubt someone you once easily thought you’d marry. They’re things you consider if it’s worth taking for the next 30 years of your life.
My wife cheated on me with multiple men for years. Most people would divorce her. But why should I ruin my life lose all my money lose my house lose my kids to do the noble right thing. That’s what I did for twenty years and look what it got me. Why should I make her single and rich by divorcing her? So I decided to stay married and totally become a complete loser and let myself go and make her work and pay all the bills while I sit home all day. Revenge is awesome.
I think I can safely say that almost any relationship can be struck by any of these issues at some point in time, especially as time goes on. As much as I hate to say “it’s normal” I mean…none of us are perfect. I think the key is to recognize these issues or behaviours not just in your partner, but yourself as well. I know for sure that I fall victim to co-dependency and being over sensitive or insecure. But I work on them. Just like my significant other has things she works on as well. As long as both parties are willing to admit they have issues and work on it, anything can be overcome. In fact, it’s been proven that often times relationships that can overcome those issues last the longest. Bearing hard work and pain together (as long as it’s together and not all on one person) can lead to a beautiful appreciation for each other.
It’s all nice making these lists, but they don’t represent real life. Good and lasting relationships are based on commitment. It means that whatever happens, you’ll get creative and fix it together or independently, and also have the capacity to accept inconvenience, pain and discomfort. Life is full of challenges and the point of a relationship is to accept your partner also when they’re going through a difficult time – that’s what you’d like them to do if it was you going through a difficult time. After you’ve passed the test of life, it gets easier and more pleasant again. It’s just how life is. Looking for a perfect partner is a waste of time, you yourself aren’t perfect either. If you commit to each other until death, it’s likely that one of you or both of you will get ill at some point and one takes care of each other. Have you chosen a partner who will do it, or will they go through their tick list and say naah, this isn’t on my list, so long? People are so out of touch about real life these days, busy living in fantasies.
In unhealthy abusive relationships they give you disrespect in all ways every way in life in general giving you destructive criticism and abusing you and it can be easy to believe you deserve it and they’re just building you up by making you feel guilty. People who really love you, care about you and respect you know you are an awesome person and will let you know and you’ll see you deserve to be treated good. They will give you loving correction when you make mistakes and help you solve problems and become abetter person living a better life.
Why I it bad to chill with ur partner ?? My man and I are together all the time and we are fine .we love all the time we spend together.. he dose things I like luke watch beauty tutorials,die my hair, do my nails with me🥰🤗😁and i watch csi help work on the car and stuff like that.. so far we r ok after 3 going on 4 years
This is okay because my husband doesn’t care a single bit about image and impressing others. He doesn’t dress up, he’s the type of guy who will be happy to wear singlet, shorts and slippers any day so I adapted the same lifestyle and basically I learned that being a high maintenance woman will only make us broke. We do take care of ourselves still and we make sure we eat healthy and exercise to live longer. However, it really depends on the couple. Some may want to keep up with their style of being glamorous and always looking presentable but being with my husband for close to 10 years now, I’ve learned that simplicity, respect and honesty makes the marriage stronger and often leads to a happier life. Trust me girls, your beauty will fade, you will have to erase your makeup at the end of the day, your high heels only gives you temporary height and of course your push up bras will no longer support those babies when it’s removed. So be you, the man who will not appreciate your natural beauty is only after your appearance and body but not your heart and soul.
And why do some men was to argue over nothing i hate argument and ones Where They like to pull one out of thing air big put off for me see u later … And dont lie … Dont bottle things up. ..And dont be fake be your self u will attract the right person ..Don’t be deceitful… Banter is good and be playful and have laugh with each other … All Ways communicate no matter big or small talk about it
Honesty as in answering never confessing you tell her everything shell never be suprised. Keep 25percent of your life as your life cause she probably does not care anyway and misinterpits the rest when you talk about how you feel the other side may. Hear the same words but completely be somewhere else at the end ex 1:” i like the color blue.” 2: “so what your saying is you hate the color red!?!?is that because whatever was the same whatever!?!?”
Interesting article. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
Watching this captivating article stirs up painful memories of the recent end of my four-year relationship. My beloved partner chose to leave, leaving me with an enduring sense of loss. Despite my unwavering efforts to reconcile, I find myself struggling with frustration and an inability to imagine a future without him. Though I’ve tried to erase him from my thoughts, his absence continues to haunt me, compelling me to share my feelings here.
Thank you so much for encouraging the whole world to do better and life, To make us stay positive and motivated in focus on our goals & dreams and stay away from negatively so we can prosper in life everyone on this article stay strong and safe May God bless you and your families. for relationship issue discreet phase resolution
People cheat because they want something they can’t have. Doesn’t matter what their partner is like. They can be stunning inside and out. People get bored and then want to partake in something inappropriate to get a thrill by chasing someone else they know they shouldn’t. It’s like people who save up to buy a new car, are happy for a day, and then want to buy a new house. There will always be something more. There will always be something better. If you’re that kind of person, don’t be in a relationship. It’s super easy to not be in a relationship. It’s 2021. Screw a different person every day. It doesn’t matter. But don’t tell someone you love them and then chase after someone else. If you’re not happy, leave. That’s it. I really want to and thanks to discreet phase resolution for the phone evidence
Great article! Unfortunately, my two-year relationship ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, and I still love him deeply. I can’t stop thinking about him. I’ve done everything I can to get him back, but nothing has worked. I’m frustrated and can’t imagine my life with anyone else. Despite my best efforts, I can’t get him out of my mind. I really miss him.
25yrs wasted loving a made up version of her in my head. To step out on a very small limb and have everything you said be true. I will always love you and him & Fantasy’s and reality are two different things will be the words that haunt me for the rest of my days. How can this world ever expect me to love again?
I’m in a great relationship now but this article opened my eyes to my last relationship ending. I felt all 5 signs in that relationship and I felt so guilty for ending it but I know it was the right thing to do. I am treated so much better. Another strange sign I noticed is that I could never remember my exes birthday lol maybe I never cared enough or what. I knew when my current boyfriends birthday was before we were even official. So glad I’m not feeling any of these signs in my current relationship!
Being with my ex narc for the past 6 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away.
My partner was cheating on me while we were leaving together for 2 years. Although there were so many some red flag, but she never stopped telling me how much she loved me and want to spend the rest of her life with me. So I kept on believing her lies and shoving the red flags. . Never knowing that she was having an affair with a guy that I know and they both kept it a secret. I got to find out when I open up to a very good business partner. How I have been noticing some red flags and he advised me on what to do and to find out for sure if she is being faithful. It was then that I realized that she was having an affair with this guy and they were secretly making future plans.. I was so heart broken by this but still grateful that I did the needful to actually find out. It is really such a painful thing how people plays with ones emotions.
Hi Mel- thanks. I have been supporting a person who has been going through a bad divorce and I have tried to be there for support. Her grown kids have turned against her and the legal system has caused a lot of financial damage -all caused by her ex. Now I feel like I am under the major microscope and am constantly being verbally shot at. Im trying to help and I love her but it is getting tougher and she just isnt happy. Thanks for your article. It helps.
All accurate. I just got out of an unhealthy, long term relationship. I realized that I could no longer be myself around that person. I was walking on eggshells to keep peace . It was hard to make the decision because after being in a relationship for over 2 years and making plans for the future,there was a sense of huge loss … loss of dreams that never came to fruition . And as most relationships that last for long, there is an attachment. I think I knew sooner that it’s not going to work but I was too attached and too invested. Love truly is blind. It sometimes takes time to see the red flags even when they’re waiving in your face.
Your gut feelings never lie to you. There is a comfortable peace, and comfort being with the right partner, or good, and loyal friend! …… Poor relationships are saturated with excessive …. mostly passive …. competitive stress, and compulsory needs! ….. That’s not friendly ….. that’s harmful! …..
I just ended the 2 years relationship last month, after that i was thinking whether or not i did the right decision, now i know i did. Had 4 signs out of 5. I knew i did the right decision, it’s really hard but i’m glad that i finally got the strength to do it. Keep it up everyone, you’ll make it finally.
A very fascinating article, this brings back painful memories which i have been enduring. My relationship of 5 years ended 3 months ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love him so much I can’t stop thinking about him, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of him, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss him and just can’t stop thinking about him .
I’m 37 years old, handsome(by women’s take), wise, and own two homes in Atlanta. If I as a man am supposed too give my life for my wife, me checking her phone is inconsequential. In marriage, you have no privacy. Any man that accepts less isn’t a man. I’d rather be alone than be with a woman who thinks she can have a secret space in a marriage. Good article young bro but a wise man. The pride you take in your work is truly amazing and inspiring special thanks to all the team at discreet phase resolution
Absolutely love it! My wife and I were married for more than 14 years and most of the time it was difficult and stressful! I am a 56 year old man and I was physically abused and assaulted by my wife more than 3 times… Verbal abuse was like walking in the park…most of it in front of our daughter. My wife assaulted my daughter when she was 6 and a half years old. I was waiting for my daughter to be older and now she is 14 and I started working on divorce! Yes, I am not super healthy but even if I have a few good years to live without stress and drama, I will take a chance 😊
5 signs your relationship is over by ME. 1. You constantly fail to understand eachother 2. Highlighting your mistakes and not your achievements 3. Little to no communication. Happy to sit in separate rooms a lot when you’re both finished work. 4. No interest in sex 5. Fighting over nothing THE END…. WALK AWAY….
Thanks for that, I have just subscribed. Thankfully, I was blessed to be married to my beloved wife for 32 years, she died last year & I am now a widower. I was so blessed, because with retrospection, I was able to see, just how much we helped each other grow to be the best in our lives. The crux in any relationship, is to be authentic 100%. particularly communication, but all things, really. The other thing, is to know thyself & not rely on anyone else to fix you.
If just clicking on this article means it’s over, then a lot more than 50% of marriages (which is a high stat) will end in divorce. This is good advice, but not the best. A committed marriage requires two unselfish people willing to communicate—and that can take a lifetime to figure out. Not everyone is created for a marriage covenant, a lifetime of monogamy. But if you’re already in one, these five signs are not a sure sign it’s over—it could be a clear sign that the two of you need help communicating effectively and reconnecting with each other. When you wake, live, eat, sleep and breathe with another person for 24/7, I don’t think anything can prepare us for that… how to balance that huge commitment and big ole sacrifice you made at the altar. We should be careful when given quick black-and-white thinking advice in light of a long, lifetime process.
It got to the point where I did enjoy the company of my friends more than being with him. I also would dread going out with him as he was an embarrassment by being loud, rude and unkempt when I at least made the effort to look nice. I would enjoy the few hours when he was at work so I could relax and dreaded him coming home as I walked on eggshells around him. I ended up leaving him.
Two years later and I’ll say it again… Men, do not hesitate for one moment to put a restraining order against your female partner if you feel your safety and health is in jeopardy. Placing a permanent restraining order on my female partner was absolutely the wisest protective move of my adult lifetime. My only regret is not doing it years earlier. Men, be safe! A Day of Loneliness Beats a Day of Madness!!
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Wow. All of these signs were there. For a decade, maybe. After 36 years and three kids, I saw all of these. Thank you, Mel. This is confirmation that I did the right thing by calling it, telling him my why (we’d already had multiple attempts over the last 20 years trying to ‘fix’ it, to no avail), by leaving physically (Is already checked out mentally and emotionally anyway), and by finally filing for divorce. I’m finally beginning to feel like the real me now. I’ve got “me” back. I’m moving forward and growing more. I’m actually happy, relaxed and excited for the future. Thanks Mel! 🌻❤️
Lets face it, some people are just not relationship/marriage material. No sense in holding on to people who have no concept of loyalty whatsoever! It doesn’t matter if it’s a partner, a childhood friend, family, people should respect you. Start building relationships with yourselves first and foremost. A better you will attract better people in your life, people who will appreciate and respect you for the person you are☝