Mom rage is a common symptom of being overwhelmed by motherhood, and it can feel awful but doesn’t have to define you as a mother. To manage mom rage, it is essential to identify triggers, take a timeout, use ‘I’ statements, start journaling, and set relationship boundaries.
To overcome mom rage, try these six actionable steps:
- Identify triggers: Recognize the specific situations, events, or circumstances that provoke anger or frustration in mothers.
- Deep Breathing: Practice deep breathing exercises to manage anger and reduce stress in the moment.
- Take a timeout: Take a timeout to clear your mind and body.
- Use ‘I’ statements: Use ‘I’ statements to express your feelings.
- Start journaling: Record your thoughts and feelings about your child.
- Set relationship boundaries: Establish boundaries between yourself and your child.
Anxiety can be a natural part of motherhood, but it doesn’t have to define you as a mother. Learning why anger is showing up for you and implementing strategies to manage it can make a huge difference.
Emily Jensen shares her experience with anger in her daily life with her kids and how she fights against sinful expressions of it. Experiment with actions that break you out of your rage and calm you down, such as repeating a mantra or splashing cold water on your face.
If you feel the rage building, prioritize calming your mind and body through simple breathing exercises, step out of the room, and switch on music.
A psychologist who experienced mom rage herself suggests dealing with it by pausing to regroup, getting a handle on the source of your anger, taking turns with your partner, setting realistic expectations, creating a sleep schedule, embracing naps, asking for help, and carving out time for yourself.
In conclusion, managing mom rage involves recognizing your frustrations, taking deep breaths, and de-escalating the situation.
📹 Understanding How to Manage Anger in Motherhood – Amber Lia & Wendy Speake Part 1
Also joining the discussion is Jim’s wife Jean. They discuss why there is an epidemic of angry moms and the most common …
What is cold mother syndrome?
Cold mother syndrome is a parenting style characterized by emotional distance, dismissiveness, and rejection, often accompanied by neglect of a child’s emotional needs. This can lead to severe psychological effects, including low self-esteem, self-doubt, paranoid tendencies, impaired decision-making abilities, and a tendency to be a people pleaser. Growing up with an emotionally distant mother can have long-term consequences on mental health and interpersonal relationships, such as challenges in forming deep connections and a tendency to engage with emotionally unavailable partners or unhealthy relationships.
Is there medicine for mom rage?
Postpartum rage, also known as postpartum anger, is a mood disruption causing intense anger, aggression, and agitation in the weeks and months after giving birth. It can coincide with other postpartum conditions like postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety. Mental health and mood changes are common after childbirth, with hormone changes, health, and daily life causing mood shifts. Lack of sleep can exacerbate these changes. These mood changes are temporary, and it’s important to know that you’re not alone and that help is available.
Although experts don’t fully understand why some people have uncontrolled anger after giving birth, healthcare providers recognize the existence of postpartum rage and can help. It’s best to discuss symptoms and emotions with a healthcare provider to determine the best way to support you.
How to stop being so angry as a mom?
The text offers 12 strategies for managing parental anger, including deep breathing, taking a break, recognizing that being right is not a prerequisite for action, distinguishing between controllable and uncontrollable factors, initiating and concluding the day with self-care, and seeking assistance when needed.
How do you break the mommy phase?
Parents should find a routine that the whole family can share, plan regular, special time for their child to spend with each parent independently, model polite language, empathize with their feelings, lighten the mood, give your child something they can control, and find a good stand-in. It is normal for a child to prefer one parent over the other, but it is a normal and healthy part of toddlerhood. Parental preference can pop up between ages one to three, as children become more independent and learn to express their opinions.
When a child has a strong preference for one parent, they are expressing their opinion and building their own special relationships with the people they love, which is a good thing. It is great that your child is making these choices as a way for them to practice their growing independence, and as a parent, it is good to honor those choices.
Is my mom toxic or am I overreacting?
To determine if your mom is toxic, assess her behavior patterns and identify patterns that harm your well-being. Trust your feelings and seek an external perspective to clarify the situation. A toxic father’s behavior can manifest as constant criticism, emotional unavailability, manipulation, or abuse, setting unrealistic expectations, using affection as a control tool, or dismissing your feelings and needs. Such behaviors can undermine self-esteem and emotional health, impacting your relationship and personal development.
How can I control my anger with my mom?
To manage tension and improve mental health, it’s recommended to take breaks from conversations with parents, engage in physical activity, or stand up and stretch your legs. Moshe Ratson, Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage and Family Therapy, is an accredited Professional Certified Coach and a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) and the International Coach Federation (ICF). In addition to exercise, it’s essential to eat healthy, get enough sleep, and engage in enjoyable activities. These activities can help revitalize the mind and improve overall well-being.
How long does mom rage last?
Postpartum rage is a common mental health issue that affects anyone who recently gave birth, often within the first six weeks to one year after birth. It may be more prevalent in individuals with mental health conditions like bipolar disorder or those with symptoms of postpartum depression. Despite its prevalence, postpartum mental health issues are fairly common, with nearly 1 in 4 people experiencing a postpartum mental health condition.
Why do I lose my temper so easily with my child?
To avoid chronic overwhelm and frustration, it’s crucial to choose your battles with your child. Focus on addressing the most important issues first, then let go of the rest. Younger children may experience frustration with messy, noisy, and meltdown-prone behaviors. Middle school and high school kids may face issues with moodiness, irresponsible behavior, or backtalk. By focusing on addressing the most important issues first, you can create a more positive environment for your child and avoid constant battles.
How do I get my mom to stop being mad at me?
If your mom is mad at you, it’s important to apologize sincerely, in a respectful, calm tone, and own up to what you did. Listen to her response and express your sincere apology. If you’re unsure how to begin, say “I am truly sorry that I upset you”. Showing your apology by being on your best behavior and being respectful can help your mother forgive you. However, sometimes a simple apology won’t work, and you may need to work harder to earn her forgiveness. To help your mother get over whatever you did, up your apology, be respectful, and be on your best behavior. Start by saying “I am truly sorry that I upset you”.
How to deal with a toxic mother?
Rashawnda James, a 13-year-old girl, discovered her toxic relationship with her mother when she was 13. She noticed that her parents were often talking as though they were around a lot, but her mother had an addiction to crack cocaine. James felt responsible for her mother and realized the unhealthy connection.
Toxic parents are self-centered, emotional loose cannons, overreacting, creating drama, oversharing, seeking control, harshly criticizing, and lacking boundaries. They may use guilt and money to get you to do what they want, use guilt and money to get you to do what they want, and harshly criticize you. They may also show up unasked at home or attack your life choices. To deal with toxic parents, it is essential to get rid of guilt, practice self-care, set up a support system, and change your story.
Why do I get so angry at my mom?
Often, we are most irritated by those closest to us, such as our parents. Spending time with them can amplify small annoyances and frustrations. Unmet expectations can lead to disappointment and irritation when reality doesn’t align with our expectations. Generation gaps can also contribute to tension and conflict, as differences in values, beliefs, and perspectives between generations can lead to clashes and frustration. Miscommunication or misunderstandings can also fuel annoyance, as your mom may have a communication style that clashes with yours.
Personal stress and emotions can also influence how we interact with others, including our parents. Lingering resentments or unresolved issues with your mom can also contribute to feelings of annoyance.
To improve your relationship and manage your reactions, it is essential to practice empathy, improve communication, set boundaries, seek support from a trusted friend, family member, or therapist, and practice self-care. By putting yourself in your mom’s shoes and understanding her perspective, you can better manage your reactions and strengthen your relationship. Additionally, establishing healthy boundaries can help manage irritations and protect your emotional well-being.
Seeking support from a trusted friend, family member, or therapist can provide valuable insight and guidance. Finally, practicing self-care is essential for maintaining mental and emotional health, as it helps alleviate stress and tension.
📹 Anger Management For Mothers
Being a mom is a full time job that takes a lot of patience and love. To the moms out there who strive their best to raise wonderful …
I watched this article this afternoon and then went out to messy church with 4 of my children (all under 7) After we got home and went to get ready for bed, I was knackered and my two year old started jumping on my bed (as usual) Instead of saying “Please stop” or “I have told you before not to jump on the bed” I said “ah -oh, did you make a mistake jumping on my bed – shall we try that again and go and get your PJs on?” She got straight off the bed and ran to get ready! I was amazed!! Thank you so much for sharing!
I’d like to praise God for this article. I’ve been struggling with depression and anger since becoming a new mom. This morning was bad and I saw myself getting angry at dumb little things so much that I started crying. I received a message to look it up and see if someone can offer some word of advice. That someone is always God, but I am SO thankful for this website and these people for bringing his word to my life. Truly I thank you💕
I am so happy to learn this tool right now. Do not take it personal, my value and self worth is not in mommying, but my relationship with Christ. I believe I have received such criticism especially about my kid and how I parent her I have turned to not mothering in a Christ like ways. … When she does what she does it’s her job. She’s inviting me to parent her. Love thisssss
As a kid, I didn’t think about my parents’ “doing wrong.” I think a lot of parents don’t realize that kids view them as superheroes or infallible; if kids are being treated as if they are not valuable, they will believe they are not valuable. I turned all of my mother’s negative reactions on myself, and took her avoidant attachment style personally. Sure I was “easy to parent” for a decent set of years; the anxiety and depression from the “behaving” (self suppression) caused mental health issues as I aged. Kids DO NOT blame parents while they are young, and even though it feels that way in the moment, kids ultimately blame themselves for most of the negative interactions they have with their caregivers. The symptoms of self shame are more severe if the parents do not: admit to making mistakes, include kids in discussion of difficult topics/family challenges and decision making, follow up after incidents, apologize, and model basic conflict resolution themselves. I think a lot of parents aren’t emotionally available to their kids, even when they want to be. The redo is a great way to reframe “bad” behavior in the home and shift the kid’s focus and goals. I have to admit what made a larger difference in my life- compassionately allowing a redo for MYSELF! As soon as I catch myself, I tell my toddler I want a redo, that this isn’t how I want to conduct myself. Then I fully act out a redo, from the start, paying attention to tone, language/phrasing, body language, eye contact/level, location, background noise.
Thank you for this! I’ve felt so overwhelmed by anger in parenting. I’m grateful this is being talked about! Guilt and shame you have to leave! It’s amazing what healing and fellowship can come from simply being honest and open about our struggles. Thank you for being the voice to this and leading other moms into encouragement!
There are some great tips here. I specifically liked to be proactive and that we might have trained our kids to only respond when we yell 😬 but the thing I can’t get past is the “try again”. That worked well when my daughter was younger but as she’s getting older it works less and less. She more often than not chooses to continue whining or repeat the behavior. So what is the next step when “try again” doesn’t work?
The most important truth and greatest take-away of this msg is from Jean:’s example and wisdom: (important to spend the first part of the day with Jesus) See 1st Jean listensand keeps listening. And stated parents need not taking personally when children are defiant and disobedient… when they don’t respect us… then naturally the focus is on us or them. Value and self worth from Jesus.
I cried at “things are exactly as they should be.” Thank you so much for this reminder! I have 3 little boys with autism, and I have been so anxious and afraid that nothing was as it should be. The idea that something was wrong and needed to be fixed has been the root of all my anger and stress. My children are happy and healthy. They see and react to the world differently then neurotypical children. They meet milestones at their own pace. I don’t need to panic over that or try to rush them.. They are each exactly who they should be. Each a treasure. And the work to raise them is unending just as it is supposed to be! I am a mom, and so very blessed to carry that title 🥰.
I just want to say that every mom commenting here is a great mom, thank you for sharing this experience and for trying to better yourself. You are so inspiring. I’ve always felt ashamed to talk about this, feeling like all the other moms are doing a much better job. I have been constantly reminding myself to accept the fact that it’s okay if things are not how I want. It’s a rocky road but we will manage.
For moms with little ones… and children of any age. Some words that helped me when my daughter was going through terrible twos. I was just take some breaths and tell myself “this too shall pass”. The frustration can be intense sometimes…but an eternal perspective can give so much peace. Hope this helps someone.
I want to thank you for this much needed article. I have a 7 yr old son and a 4 yr old daughter. I love them dearly! I’ve wanted to be a mother for as far back as I can remember. I had an angry mother and I swore I would never be that to my children, but here I am…. An angry mother just like her. I’ve hated myself for this. A few weeks ago, in prayer, I promised God that this was the year I would stop screaming at my children. That I would step outside if what I know, and find the tools to help me in this endeavor. I love my children more than anything, and now they will see that in the way I deal with them. Thank you for helping me take the first steps.
Reading through the comments and learning that some of you cried perusal this and wish you could be a better mom. I completely understand where you’re coming from. Please don’t worry. Just the fact that you are looking up things on how to be a better mom for your child already says that you are a great mom, and you are trying. ❤️
I’m a 2 year old girl’s mother from China. Recently desperate from China’s lockdown and unemployment and experiencing the terrible 2 with my kid at home every single day. Cried while perusal this article, Thank you so much. Really learned and inspired. I might still won’t be a perfect or patient Mom, but I will try and learn and I believe I will be better after perusal your articles. Appreicate ! !
Hey Dr!! I was an angry mum. And it’s not like I’m never angry anymore, I still get angry but it doesn’t define my life or my relationships. I was also suffering “depression” and was even suicidal. One of the things that really changed my life was sleeping early. Instead of staying up in my phone after the kids sleep, I’d get kids to bed at 730 and be in bed by 830. For me, this completely cured my “depression” which I really think was just sleep deprivation and I’m really wondering if this is a common misdiagnosis. I became a better wife and mother just by sleeping. I think my husband has ptsd from how I used to be lol. So if this is an issue for mum’s they need to sort it out. It sorts out a big chunk of the anger issue. Another thing that changed me was realising that I could lose my kids at any time. I think a lot of our anger is exactly what you said about “things are what they should be”. You aren’t meant to be holidaying, sipping tea and floating alone in the pool. You’re meant to be in the kiddy pool perusal your kids having an amazing time for a few years till they grow up a bit. So I chose to enjoy all the blessings that I was overlooking because I was distracted by what I thought I wanted. Another thing is I hear a lot of my friends say they wasted their life by having their kids and they wished they had a career. I view my motherhood as my career. I view my home as my workplace. When you take it seriously and you get what you need done, you feel accomplished. Now I expect my house to get messy.
I was in a bathroom stall the other day at the mall and I heard a mom being so impatient with her son because he was talking so much and I suppose, dragging, and she sounded SO annoyed at his dragging and talking. And it broke my heart because she has no idea how lucky she is to have a little one that TALKS. My 4 year old doesn’t and how I wish she did. I was also sad because I heard myself in her, too. The realization that I needed to be kinder to my children fell on my heart like Atlas struggled to hold up the sky. And I was so hurt because despite how I was feeling, my kids love me right now, unconditionally, and I want that to go on as they get older because home is always going to be here for them. Mommies and daddies, good luck. I’m rooting for you too.
I am sitting here crying my eyes out!! There is so much expectation on us moms, we need to be the perfect wife, mother, daughter, sister, employee, etc. We just need to work so much harder and it never stops. Thank you for that, just thank you. My husband is an awesome man who loves his team and truly appreciate and values us so much but to hear it come from someone other than him that is not another woman is amazing. Thank you
I think this article will help many parents and grandparents. Such wisdom. My babies are 37 and 33 now. Some of the days went by sooo slowly, but the years flew by. My boys are men now- good, kind men. Their lives aren’t perfect, but they have good lives. That’s all I truly ever wanted for them, so I’m happy.
I’m crying after listening and perusal to this entire article. I’ve recently become a single mom after being a young (early 20s) mother and being low income. I tried my best but feel I made so many mistakes, especially because I was being treated so badly/abused by the father. Now my kids are older and I have learned a lot but I need to relearn more in order for my kids to have a better life. A lot of times the guilt takes over– really they are the most important thing in my life ❤
Appreciated your awesome talk. Moms need that affirmation. Emotional labor is so draining. During your talk it tripped a memory of the anger I felt taking care of my 97 year old mother, and had to apologize to her at times. And the guilt I felt at being angry. And the lack of anyone affirming the difficult job I was doing. There should be, if there isn’t, a national caregivers day. I am perusal this article because as a “great aunt” I want the emotional health of my niece and her two daughters. This lecture reminds me to encourage her greatly which I will now start doing…
I teared listening to your last point on remembering who you are. As a new mum taking care of my toddler I feel invisible and unappreciated everyday and it’s really driving me crazy. It takes a village to raise a kid, but there’s no village here, just me. I guess I really needed someone to tell me that all my efforts are noticed and appreciated, even though I know that they are my responsibilities for being a mother.
I was searching YouTube out of desperation and in tears because I am so upset with myself for the anger that bubbled up inside me. I get angry so quickly! I don’t want to be this way. I want to be the mother I want to be! I dearly love my children and treasure them, why do I get so cross so quickly!? I am desperate to change! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this article and wisdom. It has given me a lot to think on. I am going to make some pictures to put around my house with some of these points on to help me remember and to keep perspective. I really am so grateful! ❤️
I’m a clinical therapist and find this equally applicable to fathers. Why is it directed to mothers? Great content for both. It also perpetuates the stigma of mom being the punitive parent – or even the only parent and the one responsible for all parenting – and dad being the hands-on, fun guy. It’s making me angry!
This is beautiful, heartwrenching, and much needed tonight! ive let the stress of life make me so angry lately to the point I am irritated with my daughter for just acting like a typical five year old. My reactions to her behavior have only fed the fire and tonight I was left feeling very regretful with how i treated her today. I love this and Im very thankful to have found it.
I adore your articles. Growing up in a highly aggressive family, and then entering an awful and violent relationship, I have always been around anger. Unfortunately now I am also an angry person/ parent when tested. These articles are so calming and informative in a simple way- like a friendly reminder to stay on the right path ❤
Hello! I found your articles today and I am so glad that I did!!! I truly enjoy your wisdom and warmth. Thank you for being able to take such serious subjects (from a worn and weary mom’s perspective) and bring them to the light in a caring and candid way!!! And yes, I am here because they don’t keep their room clean! I spent most of yesterday trying (threatening, bribing and harassing) to get my six year old daughter to clean her room!!! Well your words are so soothing. There is a better way. Now I just have to spend every waking moment that the kids are sleeping learning those ways! THANK YOU SO MUCH and God bless you!!!
A child of a mom that has anger issues here. I hope my mom watches this soon. She always gets mad at me for literally everything i do like eating. Even forgetting to turn of the lights and mugs when she just forgets about hers as well. I think she tries to find every way possible to get mad at me she threatens me then tells me im disrespectful while im just asking her a question. Im really sick of my life right now I just hope she gets rid of her anger issues. She compares me to everyone and does all those bad things I really dont know what to feel right now Its so hard to control my emotions especially during this pandemic Im always at home and I cant go to school and meet my friends and take a break from them. Everytime i wake up i just feel disappointed because the cycle repeats again tons of school activities > other responsibilities > mom getting angry of little things > hearing bad things from her > getting hurt > sleep I just dont wanna wake up anymore I just hate my life i hate my life i hate my life but I dont wanna die I’m not really that hurt. I just feel so empty and unloved I just wanna be happy I wanna wake up thinking that my whole day will be happy I’m really waiting for that moment.. I guess she’s still special for me but i dont think I’m special to her but im not really gonna expect her to become better I wanna have better parents. I wanna leave but i cant cause im just a teenager. I hope she becomes more understanding
This article brought tears to my eyes, because the phrase of “sacrifice,sweat, blood and tears”, and yes, it brought lots of tears as a mom. Thank you so much for the articles. I may forget sometimes to click on the thumbs-up, but i like them all, and not only that they are helpful. Even though my daughter is now 40. I cannot go back in time, but your articles give me comfort and understanding. Thank you for your continuous work.
Sometimes as a father I think I fall into the category of things don’t seem like they should when it might be normal. But I have always held myself to a higher standard so I hold my kids to a higher standard. Especially in todays world. So I feel like I have higher expectations then sometimes I should for their age.
Wow. You got me all teary eyed. Honestly I don’t hear a whole lot about what I do and, while I know I am mostly a screw up with my anger and frustration, hearing that I am appreciated for being a mom who whole heartedly loves and is committed to her children just about gave me back the confidence I needed. Thanks so much. I appreciate your knowledge and I look forward to understanding and becoming a better and more reasonable mom. #stayathomemom #homeschool #motheroftwo
I just found my new Guru, Dr. Paul Jenkins. I live for my son. I always only ever wanted to be a Mum. I was told I was infertile but found out 1 day I was 5 months pregnant!!! :-O I was waaaaaaay out of my depth, I’d never prepared for it, seriously!! LOL! So now I’m in the thick of it….and I’m relentlessly perusal these articles. This is medicine for me and my little boy. I can’t express my gratitude enough.
Thank you, Doc! I’m a homeschooling mom and this article is helping a lot. I was raised by angry abusive parents, so I’m doing EVERYTHING I can to reverse that multiple-generational anger streak. I realized years ago that my stepfather was actually ADDICTED to being angry. It gave him an adrenaline rush. We haven’t been in touch side from 1 visit to my family since I left home at 17. Unfortunately, my siblings STILL live with him and “take care of him.” They’re all in their 20’s and they won’t speak to me anymore. I’m pretty sure he alienated them from me. I still try to contact them to no avail. Should I cut the cord? What effect will that have on my children?
This is what I really needed. I found myself mentally exhausted. Every day routine, while trying to finish nursing school. My mildly autistic child usually takes alot out of me because of alot of behavioral issue, and does not like being told what to do. Numerous of phone calls from the teachers, and Im always upset as to what am I doing to fail as a parent? I just want the best for her.
“We’re not raising apples, we”re raising boys. ” Thank you for your great insight, advice, and guidance . Really appreciated. I have said this before but, I feel that parenting classes should be compulsory and free. It would make happier families. I think it’s more important then play groups for children . Parents need the opprtunity to talk about problems they are having with their little ones and get advice . I live in the UK and the Health Visitor who is sup posed to help parents of young children – under 5, is hopeless. I can never reach her on the phone and she never visits. No support what so ever.
This is so crazy… my daughter is not talking as much as others but she is learning more and more and I hear so many people say wait until 3 she will y’all a lot but here I am ” sad and confused about her not talking as much and maybe something is wrong” things are exactly how they should be. I’m finding her help and things will be what they will be PERIOD! GoodNight!
My baby is 24, and I daydream about being able to do it all again … but better. As a single mother, I took the “I’m here to…” too far and was too strict (though my parents thought I was a pushover). I wanted to impress people with how well behaved my child was, and I did get many compliments on his manners and sweetness, but this article makes my heart ache.
Hi Paul. I’ve been following you for a while now and I find your content so incredibly valuable. I am truly grateful. I have a son whom we are getting tested for adhd and asd. With twin girls too, life can get a bit ‘testing’. However, through perusal your articles and self studying CBT and Psychology, it has given me a whole new perspective, along with learning how to become a better parent every day. I am perfectly imperfect andno longer beat myself up when I mess up. Thank you. Very grateful mum from the UK 🙂
“It’s not your kid, it’s your teen!” Thank you for saying this. I don’t know why but my mom kept saying that I’m mentally on a 3 year olds level until I left home. I wasn’t allowed to watch anything but kids movies. I know she was overprotective, but she did it on a shaming way, and other kids noticed it too.
Reading all the comments I was surprised at the number of Moms that were brought to tears by this article. Mom is a tough job, I reminded myself. I said a little prayer for the frustrated parents ….then, as the article continued, I joined the ranks of Moms crying. Crying for our mistakes, or fortunes, our child, our selves and for the Dr. Who took the time to bring us the realization we needed so much. Thank you, Thank you
Mom of a three year old son and I need this. I have been searching,reading+watching all things that can help me to deal with my toddler until I watch this and opened my eyes.Thank you so much Doc for this article. I was once a kid and never treated as a kid so all your words makes a lot of sense to me and will help me and all moms to understand our babies better. Much ❤️
I just felt so overwhelmed and my eye teared up as soon as I heard the number 1- ‘Remember who you are’ in the list. Everything and every major events of my life just came flashing in my mind!! I really want to be a good MOM to my daughter and I will try to be as best I could be. Thanks for this article!!
I’m in tears. After the 2 and 1 i just started crying. I’ve been having a really hard time (i have a 3,5 yo and 1 yo) and alot has happen outside of being a parent. I’ve fellt so angry and horrible as a mom and i really want to get back to my happy self and this really helped and i hope i can follow this. Thank you so much for putting this out in the world
Thank you so much for this Doctor. I am crying while perusal this and just had a realization about my wrong parenting with my adhd child. I have lots of expectations and frustrations as well and this article helps me to keep on track. Will share this to help and enlighten more struggling mom out there. Thank you so much
Thank you so very much! Theses young parent don’t realize how lucky they are to have such amazing information, for FREE, at their fingertips!! My kids are grown, but two still at home and still driving me crazy and making me angry!!! Yelling all their lives!! Part of me wants to scream at the top of my lungs! I’m so glad I found your articles to stop me from ruining my relationship with my only daughter,22, and such a slob! Thank you for explaining to me why I’ve done all theses things! I feel bad but at the same time I know I was a good Mom and I have regrets but your articles are truly helping me!! Thanks again💗
Thank you so much Dr!!! I can’t get enough of your articles… they’re so comprehensive and make so much sense! I’m so grateful for your advice and guidance 🙏 am lapping it all up, making mental notes, and determined to make a difference to the quality of life for my kids, myself and my team!!! God bless you for all your efforts to help us all. It’s truly a blessing to have you provide us with your insights and wisdom!
we are not raising apples, we are raising boys. I feel so touching! I am a mom with 2 boys, the 3year-old older brother is always driving me crazy, and i realize that my anger comes every time quicker and quicker, after being angry is always regrets. I was so frustrated before that why I can be so tolerant and nice to a stranger but not my own son. Today i suddenly understand after perusal this article. I can be a better mom for sure! super thanks!
Wow, moms need this! Thank you for this empowering information. While it is empowering it is also freeing. My biggest stress in life is trying to raise good people but as you reminded me things are happening the way they are meant to and these little people are developing into who they are meant to be. I’m still not sure that my primary job is to love them because I will always love them but I think my primary job is to raise responsible kind human beings. That’s where it gets a little iffy. A mess doesn’t matter but unkindness and disrespect does. That’s where I have trouble knowing what to do.
Between the article explaining the 3 stages and THIS article I feel like a weight has been lifted off me that I have been struggling under for 2 years. Through getting my kids and I away from abusive husband on November, to daughter running away telling government I had “extreme Christian values” which made her feel “unsafe” when I was distraught over discovering her out of control dangerous behaviour, her return after jumping through government hoops for 4 months, the pandemic hitting on her 16th birthday, locked down me her and brother, blessings and struggled in that too. all while trying to learn who is this new daughter and how to parent her. Literally thanking God for leading me to this article tonight. Sharing it with her brother too to help him understand her.
Thank you for this article. I’m always angry when things aren’t how I wanted them to be. Sometimes I say things to my kids that I regret saying at the end of the day. Laying here perusal this article let me think differently and I will definitely tryout your ideas to calm myself daily. Thanks again doc.
Watching this as a stay at home dad. I’m struggling with my anger. Those last 2 brought me to tears. I wish I had more support and resources as a dad. None of my peers have the involvement and time with their kids lives as I do. They just don’t understand. The weight of importance of your kid’s futures on your shoulders can crush you. I often forget to let them be kids NOW, and for me to enjoy it too… I think I’m just afraid that we’ll both enjoy it too much, and I will fail to give them the tools they need to make it without me. Talk about pressure.
I’m so glad I am not alone! I became a mother at 17 and now my son is 9. For the most part, I have done really well. But, in the back of my mind I feel as if I have failed in some areas. I know that I’m always learning and I still have time to keep figuring this thing out. I definitely can admit I have a problem so now it’s really time to HEAL. I have an awesome kid. We just tend to bumps head sometimes. I hate that sometimes I feel as if I can’t control my mouth when he makes me upset. I am working on this I am figuring it out. He knows that he is very loved but I am so hard on myself as a mother. God bless us all!
Im a new subscriber from the Philippines. I have a 3-year old son and I can say Im guilty with having these anger management issues. Before i stumbled upon this article, I never realized that it was actually me who is causing my child to have this annoying attitude (ex. Not listening, very stubborn etc). Im in tears after perusal this article. I want to thank you for the tips and now I realized that I never understood my son all this time. Thank you for making me realize. More power to you sir!
So. I’m a dad. And this article was INSANELY helpful. And it made me think of a line from “Virgo” by Atmosphere. “I pledge allegiance to myself Food, shelter, and health Let me find a beach full of seashells to sell Put your oxygen mask on first before you offer me help” It’s cool how things in life tie together like that. Thanks for doing what you do
I had tears in my eyes the whole article. You have spoken to my heart, I was angry towards my 5 year old this morning, and I’ve been feeling bad the whole day. Thank you for giving me perspectives, and all the reminders about the precious journey that we are blessed to be on, isn’t gonna be forever. ❤️ Thank you.
Aww, you Have such a gift with your words. God bless you and your journey of being a father. I’m having a hard time being a stay at home mom… And now with the quarantine it just hits even harder. I have missed working since day one, but I do know that raising our son is a true blessing and being able to stay home with him is even more so. Thank you for your words I will remember them before I get upset, and redirect… ” Water always goes down. “As your father said… ❤️🙏🏼 Be a positive influence and reinforcer, instead of redirecting and getting upset. Thank you so much for your words and wisdom! God bless you and your family!❤️🙏🏼
Thank you for this article. I am a mother of four. Two of my kids are on the other side of the planet right now. Two are with me. The two who are with me moved to a new country and had to learn a new language and adjust to life without their familiar surroundings. It had been so challenging. My daughter has been great. My son has become very challenging. So much anger and he seems to fly off the handle at the smallest things. It has been wearing me down and I have started to become one of those mums who shouts at their kids in the middle of the park. Now I am an anxious wreck. I realise I get angry to regain control of the situation but it ends up making things worse. I shower my kids with constant love, affection and time and our bond is so strong but when I lose my temper, I feel like the biggest failure. This article has helped me find perspective and I just know it will be very helpful for me on my own parenting journey.
Thank you so much for this, honestly it was like a therapy session speaking directly to me! I prayed this morning to be a calm, joyful mom and this article was heaven sent! I totally lost sight of perspective, yelling and losing my patience with 3 kids. Theu often ask why in angry/grimpy.Then i feel terrible. I want to improve my relationship with them and feel like I can turn it around. Thank you, you speak to the heart!❤
I feel like the only advice you’re giving in this particular article is “Hey, who cares if your kids are little monsters who are disrupting the household and your sanity. As a women you’re just supposed to love them and wait for it to pass. I found no real concrete steps to managing anger as a mother. It was simply a pep talk. The whole article just made (some) moms feel more guilty.
So much of #7 comes from external expectations, either real or perceived. It’s hard to accept that things as they should be when those around us do not. So we are always worried about being judged in public, or getting judgement and unrealistic expectations from family members or neighbors . . . moms are followed around by a team of tsk-tsk-ers so often that we fear it even when it’s not even happening. In stores I’ll get mad at my kids for behavior on behalf of those around us, which is ridiculous. Any time I’ve received “you’re a good mom” compliments from strangers it’s for staying calm while they act like kids.
This article got me in tears. I’m already into positive parenting but my 2 year old toddler is going through a tough time (we’ve just had her baby sister) and is driving me nuts with her whining and screaming and totally freaking out at times. We haven’t had an entirely calm day (or night for that matter) in so many weeks and every day the anger just builds up again, there is never time to “reset”. I’ll write down some of the very useful things you say in this article and hang it where I can easily see it to help me stay calmer – because this, too, will not keep. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I’m a working mom, and Im always having hard times in terms of dealing with my child whenever his angry or doing things that are not in accordance to what I want.I most of the time shout and that makes me feel so guilty.My son throws all hurtful words for a mom to hear. I feel that its my fault. I screwed evrything. pls. help.
Good work here Dr. Paul! I am not a “human” mom but a “doggie mom.” 🐕🐕🐕🐕 This vid is still relevant even if you are not a human mom. Solid perspective and teachings. I am starting to view your vids in the early AM ☀️ to start the day with the right frame of mind and a better balanced intention. A work in progress, always until death! 😉 🇨🇦
#1. Is the where the anger stems from. Feeling like a constant failure in life and i dont want my child to go through same struggles yet its happening… mostly financially… too many times the anger comes through and i feel guilty… but ure words hold truth whether false hope or not. Perspective… mind set… yeaaa… 😓
Thank you for this article. Thank you so much. I started perusal this this morning before I realized how much I would need it today. In the past few weeks I have felt frustrated with my children’s behavior that has led to negative consequences in our home and in my life. Hijacked by anger. Exactly that. Then this morning my 4-year-old struck me very hard in the back of the knee with a large plastic toy….as I’m resting and icing and trying to assess the damage (I should mention that I’m a pilates and barre instructor by the way- the wellness and ability of my body is essential in all that I do so I am NOT happy.) I am going to hold on tightly to your words today. My job is to love them no matter what and even if. Thanks.
Thank you Doc. It really helps me a lot dealing with my 7 yrs old who grow up with grandma. I was thinking that he don’t really love me nor respect me as he is always yelling at me me and everyday we fought and he insisted to do what he want only and I have limited patience with a kid since he was first child and left him with grandma and now im with him im experiencing all this anger and sadness i felt putting him in a dormitory school so he will grow up with discipline as I cannot handle him and continue getting sin from God of yelling my son everyday but luckily for the last time I think hard and search how can i deal with anger kid and saw your website and really very effective advice today is the first day that he never yelled nor did I. What a great day! Thank u so much im getting addicted in your article now 😂 takecare doc
Thank you! I just really needed to hear your advise. I keep going to bed regretting how I acted with my 8 year old. I feel like I’m an angry mom 24/7 and I don’t want to be like that. I hate screaming at him and when I hear myself I just wish I could just disappear. He is such a great boy and because of how I grew up it’s so difficult to change. I always keep on telling myself I don’t want to be like my mother and when this happens, I’m my mother. but I know I can change and I will do my best to change. Thank you for your article.
D A N G! This is perfect! “How do you really know that things should NOT be the way they are? We Do NOT…so anger reduced. They may not be the way we WANT it to be. There are things we can do to improve our situation.” YUP! This is really good mental health perception correction stuff! I have bookmarked this to look at as many times as I need to help with anxiety issues. Also, I really appreciate 💚 seeing the written highlights when Dr. Paul is talking. As a visual person I find it helps with more clarity and understanding of what he is trying to get across and I don’t have to use as much energy because it is easier to listen to him. Stay safe during the pandemic covid and please wear a mask! 😷 🇨🇦
Dad here. We can all use this with exception to parents who are far too apathetic. I know I’m the former type. Do my best not to yell but it can be trying. #2 is most pertinent for me personally my fuse shortens tremendously when over stressed and tired. Thanks for the article I will practice using all the points.
WOW !! Is all I have to say.. Soo thankful I came across this article!! The first thing I did within seconds of hearing you talk, was pressed the SUBSCRIBE button because I knew it was going to be a very good article. I was in need of this! I have been feeling really bad about myself for becoming so anger at things that im now seeing that aren’t important. I have a 1 1/2 year baby girl And a 6 year old boy. I recently became a stay at home mom but, before I was working at a shop as a hairstylist.For some reason I thought being a stay at home mom would be easier and I would be on top of everything from keeping the house clean,having dinner always ready, getting homework done way before turning it in, having everything perfect. I have always been very perfectionist, and for some I thought that was good, But I was wrong. Being a stay at home mom is a job that never finishes. Since the moment I wake up till the moment I go back to bed at night. I have been forgetting about myself I always thought I had to put my family first and then it was me. But I was wrong once AGAIN. I’ve built so much frustration, so much guilt, so much anxiety, for loosing my patience Wanting to have the house in prefect conditions, for not always letting my children especially the crazy/goofy 6 year old be a child, I don’t like feeling this way. When in reality all I want is the best for my kids. All I want is my kids to have a good life. Grow up and be good people. Every night I put them to sleep, I look at their innocent face and think to my self I don’t want to be this person I became, I want to be that fun, cool mom I was have been.
Very thankful for this article. As someone who grew up with incredibly abusive adoptive parents I’m trying so hard not to reenact those traumatic relationships with my children. But it’s so hard. Because really, nobody prepares you for how triggering parenting can be as a survivor. I know I have so much anger that I hold in. It’s really difficult to know how to release it and how to manage it.
What a beautiful article. I love my children soooooo much but, sometimes I let anger get to me when they do something they are “not supposed to do” I promise my self that from this day foward I’m gonna let my children be who they want to be and be more patient with them. I love your articles, I watch them between homework breaks Thank you so much for your advice
I found this article and website after a search tonight because I am so tired of being an ‘angry mom’… I subscribed immediately and am so thankful for this content. You communicate with such kindness and empathy. Thank you. The “things are exactly as they should be” idea was very poignant for me. I hung the words in my kitchen.
I am standing in my kitchen listening whilst cleaning up. Lately I have been increasingly stressed out with the constant battles between my 3 young sons, my husband and I. Choosing to Home Educate them whilst still trying to deal with bad behaviour, sibling fighting, keeping our home clean and running and maintaining some form of sanity in the process – has had me feeling so much disconnect, anger, frustration, sadness towards my boys. Our home in a permanent mess! But listening to those words… “We’re not raising apples, we’re raising boys”… just had me tear up. From now on when I feel overwhelmed with housework and all the mess that Home Educating 3 young, lively, energetic, wild boys brings – I will remind myself… I’m not raising a house, I’m raising my sons!
Thank you for such an empowering moment! I love kiddos, mine are all adults, so blessed with the grandkiddos! There were moments I did put myself last, still struggle at times, then when I’m crafting or whatever we choose to do, I find this as a reminder, I want to watch all my grandkiddos succeed with what they choose, their parents have! Thank you for for the uplifting words.
All of us perusal this article right now are only doing so because we love our kids so much and because we are good mothers. We love our kids so much that we just want to improve our mothering. We guilt ourselves because we love our kids. That should make us feel better alone. Motherhood is the most meaningful and rewarding but also stressful thing that we women will ever go through. Let’s cut ourselves some slack on our bad days! We all have them and it’s ok! We are all human!
Absolutely BRILLIANT. Thank you so much, these words are a treasure. Every parent should be reminded of their crucial role for the next generation. Eventhough I do not see myself as an angry mother (only occasionally), watchig this was such an eye opener: I cried with it, I recognize myself in many cases….. cannot thank you enough. Thank you as well for all the parenting teenager valuable tips I am finding in your website, that’s how I find it firsthand. God bless you Dr. Paul!!!
Kids are like a mirror, they do what they see and hear. We yell and get angry, they yell and get angry, we are patient and talk to them in a loving way, they will too. Praising your child helps a lot too. Price them with a sticker, a toy, a candy, a date night out etc. they will understand that they have earned it for a good behavior and following home rules. Just an advise from a mom to mom/dad. 💖🥰
Thank you so much for this! Thank you thank you!! I prayed to Jehovah god to help me be a better mother and to help calm me down before anger could build up on me to my son, and I crossed your articles many times but for some reason I kept ignoring but inside had feelings about you wondering how well you teach and till this night I clicked on your article’s and enjoyed it very much, it’s everything I needed to learn to help me, I’m not perfect, but it killed me inside when you say we can’t keep our babies and it’s true, they grow fast.
It’s so nice to know other people go through this. My daughter was worth dhs for a year and it has messed up our family Dynamics completely. Apart from that her dad is in prison. We are going through it. I NEVER get personal time. She’s such up my butt 24/7. She punishes me by making messes. I can’t even get a betime scheduled down. I tell her to do something and she says no. I have a bayba y’s kid! I don’t know how to fix this
If we don’t know what anger feels like then we won’t know what peace feels like. If we don’t know what depression feels like or sadness, then we can’t know what joy feels like. Everything has its opposite. For me, my Savior Jesus Christ taught me this and it gives me understanding and light and hope. We WILL grow and be stronger from all our adversities! Hang in there mamas you got this!!!!
Thank you for saving my life in this Motherhood! I will be sharing your website and this article in particular on my own website! Genius! You deserve to be heard by every parent alive!♡ You reeled me in when you said,”This is the way it is supposed to be”! I have been fantasizing since the day I had my first child and thats exactly what its been is a fantasy and not a reality!! Then!!! You had me at “we are not raising apples”!! Its all just simply genius! And love how you do mention the real life issues that kids do bring. My kids had me crying in the bed today but that was until I seen this article! Your top 3 just brought me to tears! Thank you for being here! ♡♡♡♡♡ God bless! Keep doing Gods work here! Our children are the future! 🙏
Thank you so much for this wonderful article and reminder to all mums! Its just a miracle showed up in right moment! I was struggling with anger for sometime, blaming myself, trying to not be angry next time, but nothing works. This article absolutely remind me. Thank you for your website and for helping all of us to be better!!!!!
Thank you so much for this article, I have a 20 month old daughter and for a month or two I’ve been feeling so angry with her and the things she does. I’ve been in a whole of hatred about myself and thinking of suicide but deep down I know that’s not who I am or how I normally think it’s just me being overly angry and stressed. This article opened my eyes and also brought them to tears, thank you again for this article. 🙂
Thank you doctor.. my eyes are filled with tears its and amazingly overwhelming at the same time insightful article. Thank you for acknowledging what we do as mothers and establishing its importance. And we do all this selflessly without being ever praised for the same. Thank you doc for making us realise that we are raising the next generation and how imp it is for them to be loved and respected and supported. I am falling short of words here.. but thank you for putting things in perspective.
I wish I could have heard this about 16 years ago, would have been so helpful. My children are 17 and 18 and I have been a single mom since my daughter was two. I had no family support as far as encouragement for me as a mom, or facilitating respect in my children towards me as their mother. I know now that things were, and are, the way they’re supposed to be. I hope and pray every day that my children will know just how much I do love them. Thank you for for these encouraging words.
I am happy I got to watch this because I’m having a really hard time. I get so mad and yell and throw fits with them and I feel horrible about it afterwords everytime. Especially if they fall asleep and I see them just laying there so peacefully … I worry “do they think I hate them” “did I make them feel unloved” it’s really rough and makes me sometimes wonder if I was ready to raise kids. It’s hard. We are all struggling we all don’t know how to deal with our own babies. It’s hard. To all you mommas and dads having a hard time … you can do this just remember …. love is stronger than all.
Thank you very much for this article, our little girl this morning did not take her meds before she goes to Nursery and made me so angry and she left with her dad in tears, Then I became so angry with myself and cried for hours regretting the pressure I put on her and started to look for any tips to learn how to deal with my anger regards to my little girl, I feel much better after perusal this article, I took a note and put it somewhere I can look into everyday. Thank you Thank you Thank you.
Thank you for the help. I’m struggling to know the best way to handle cussing and meaness at home when natural consequences don’t make sense. For example. If he is reminded that jumping is for outside not inside on the furniture and he ignores you. So you remove him and put him in his room and this triggers a meltdown, tantrum, cussing etc. Typical he loses a bonus thing like tv time, dessert…. but when I tell him that the tantrum gets worse. I really just feel what I’m doing is not working.
#3 and #1 brought tears to my eyes. Thank you. I really needed to be reminded of these. And this article was recorded one day after my oldest daughters 21st bday. So our daughters are just days apart in age. Lol. My youngest will be 6 this week. I’ve been non stop parenting for 21 yrs. I’ve learned a lot, but I’ve also lost a lot of patience and other things. This article has reminded me of the mom I once was, and inspired me to get back to that. God bless you and yours!
Oh my word, THANK YOU so much for all of this wisdom. This is GOLD for moms…. Every single word… And the article at the end is good. It really bothers me when moms say I’m just a Mom… You mean you have just the most important job on earth, right? I’ve blown it so many times but this is so encouraging. Thank you again and again.