SSRIs, or Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors, can dull emotions and cause emotional blunting, which is beneficial for most people. However, some depression may be due to low norepinephrine levels or dopamine levels, which can lead to the suppression of creativity. To break the hold depression has on creativity, it is essential to create tangible results and consider how you feel in the moment.
While some argue that antidepressants stifle creativity, research suggests that people with major depression and bipolar disorder tend to be more creative than those with mild depression. Anecdotal evidence suggests that creative people are more likely to live with depression or that depression can deepen creative expression, but research paints a less concrete picture. Antidepressants can help restore energy, allowing individuals to participate in daily activities and participate in therapy.
Mental health medications may not affect creativity in the long term, as they may help artists better access their creativity and express their emotions more readily. Some treatments, such as talking therapies, mindfulness, arts and creative therapies, and ecotherapy, may be helpful alongside medication.
A study published today found that drugs affect reinforcement learning, an important behavioral process that allows us to learn. While some medications may be lifesavers, not everyone wants to stay on them indefinitely. Expressing oneself creatively can boost mood and help recover from depression. Psychiatric and neurological drug choice may alter patients’ creativity, sometimes in counterintuitive ways. To preserve creativity, treatments that enhance creativity may be necessary.
📹 The “Psychic Economics” of Creativity and Depression
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Does serotonin affect creativity?
Brain diseases and their treatment can impact creativity and quality of life. Increased creative drive is linked to conditions like bipolar disorder, depression, psychosis, temporal lobe epilepsy, frontotemporal dementia, Parkinson disease treatments, and autism. Creativity relies on goal-driven approach motivation from midbrain dopaminergic systems. Fear-driven avoidance motivation is less beneficial to creativity. When serotonin and norepinephrine lower motivation and flexible behavior, they can inhibit creativity.
Hemispheric lateralization and frontotemporal connections must interact to create new ideas and conceptual schemes. Genes and phenotypes that increase plasticity and creativity in tolerant environments may confer risk in rigorous environments. Antidepressants that inhibit fear-driven motivation may also inhibit goal-oriented motivation. Antidepressants that boost goal-directed motivation may remediate this effect. Benzodiazepines and alcohol may be counterproductive.
Dopaminergic agonists may stimulate creativity, but their suppression may be inappropriate. Physical exercise and REM sleep may help creativity. Art therapy and psychotherapy are not well studied. Preserving creative motivation can help creativity and other aspects of well-being in all patients, not just artists or researchers.
Does depression stunt creativity?
Depression is not necessarily linked to creativity, but treatment can help restore key factors, leading to increased creativity. Artists, like anyone else, are not exempt from mental health issues. While the mainstream notion that artists heal themselves through their art is false, depression is not inextricably linked to creativity. Throughout history, artists have used their creative outlets as a means of coping with depression. Some artists may struggle with depression due to specific characteristics, such as a lack of self-awareness, a lack of motivation, and a lack of self-awareness.
Do mood stabilizers affect creativity?
The choice of mood stabilizer can significantly impact creativity, with lithium being the most common mood stabilizer. Research indicates that lithium can act as a “brake”, reducing drive, incentive, and expression, potentially compromising performance and creativity. However, there are no controlled studies on lithium’s effects on productivity in creative people, and conflicting findings may be due to participants having bipolar disorders or being “normal” subjects.
It is unclear whether lithium risks compromising creativity, and whether this side-effect is dependent on serum levels. Lithium is more likely to cause cognitive side-effects in those with bipolar II than in those with bipolar I, and cognitive compromising can occur even when serum lithium levels are low or sub-threshold. In a randomized controlled 20-week trial comparing lithium and lamotrigine as maintenance treatments in those with a bipolar II condition, 50 of trial completers reported severe cognitive side-effects, including cognitive slowing, impaired memory, and word-finding difficulties, despite lithium levels being within the study range of 0. 6-1. 0 mEq/l.
Do antidepressants change your mindset?
Antidepressants can cause mood, emotion, and behavior changes, but these changes are generally related to mood and symptom relief, not a complete overhaul of one’s core personality. While studies have explored the relationship between antidepressants and personality, much remains unknown. More research is needed to definitively assess the relationship between antidepressants and personality. If you’re considering or have started taking antidepressants, it’s recommended to have an open conversation with a mental health professional to discuss your concerns.
Can antidepressants affect creativity?
Bipolar medication can cause emotional blunting, a state where patients feel disconnected from the world and their creative mind. This is a common side effect of medications like antipsychotics, antidepressants, antianxiety medications, and mood stabilizers. The sedative nature of these medications can be helpful for those struggling with mental health conditions, but it can also trigger a loss of creativity.
Bipolar medication is necessary due to the connection between bipolar disorder and creativity, which is a positive trait of the condition. During periods of mania, individuals experience a widening expanse of their senses, memory, and imagination, allowing them to express exceptional creativity.
Can medication affect your creativity?
Studies have shown that medications can either decrease creativity and make responses more uniform, or increase creative output. Some studies suggest that medications lower the pursuit of creativity and make people’s responses more uniform, while others suggest that medications increase creative output. Both studies highlight the importance of understanding the relationship between medication and creativity in order to make informed decisions about medication use.
Does dopamine reduce creativity?
New research from Karolinska Institutet has found that the dopamine system in healthy, highly creative individuals is similar to that found in people with schizophrenia. High creative skills are more common in those with family mental illness, and creativity is linked to a slightly higher risk of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. Certain psychological traits, such as the ability to make unusual or bizarre associations, are also shared by schizophrenics and healthy, highly creative people.
The study, which appears in the journal PLoS ONE, suggests that the dopamine system of healthy, highly creative individuals is similar to that found in people with schizophrenia. This suggests a possible explanation for the link between mental health and creativity.
Can depression stunt intelligence?
Prior iterations of the WAIS have demonstrated that psychiatric patients exhibit diminished IQ scores relative to normative samples. Depression has been identified as the most robust correlate of deficits in working memory, processing speed, and nonverbal reasoning abilities.
Can anxiety ruin creativity?
Anxiety can lead to increased self-criticism and doubts about creative abilities, which can hinder creativity by making it difficult to generate ideas and pursue projects with passion. The inner critic’s voice is amplified, while creative inspiration is muffled and discouraged. Additionally, persistent worried thoughts associated with anxiety can be distracting, making it difficult to maintain focus on creative efforts.
Does dopamine affect creativity?
The dopaminergic (DA) system may be involved in creativity, but previous studies have been mixed. This study aims to clarify this relationship by considering the mediofrontal and nigrostriatal DA pathways and their contribution to two different measures of creativity: the Torrance Test of Creative Thinking and a real-world creative achievement index.
The study found that creativity can be predicted from interactions between genetic polymorphisms related to frontal (COMT) and striatal (DAT) DA pathways. The Torrance test and the real-world creative achievement index relate to different genetic patterns, suggesting that these two measures tap into different aspects of creativity and depend on distinct, but interacting, DA sub-systems.
Successful performance on the Torrance test is linked with dopaminergic polymorphisms associated with good cognitive flexibility and medium top-down control, or with weak cognitive flexibility and strong top-down control. High real-world creative achievement, as assessed by the Creative Achievement Questionnaire, is linked with dopaminergic polymorphisms associated with weak cognitive flexibility and weak top-down control.
In conclusion, the findings support the idea that human creativity relies on dopamine, and on the interaction between frontal and striatal dopaminergic pathways in particular. This interaction may help clarify some apparent inconsistencies in the prior literature, especially if the genes and/or creativity measures were analyzed separately. Creative thought underlies many innovations in science, technology, and the arts, and has recently emerged as an important topic in cognitive neuroscience.
Does anxiety hinder creativity?
Individuals with creative tendencies frequently encounter both advantages and challenges as a result of their emotional sensitivity. Mental health concerns such as anxiety disorders have the potential to impede their capacity to engage in effective creative processes.
📹 What Happened When I Stopped Taking My Medication
As much as my meds help me, it’s a battle to remember to do all the things I need to do to be able to take them: sign up for health …
It can’t be emphasized enough that ADHD is on a spectrum and whether or not you need meds is highly dependant on your severity and degree of frontal lobe development. Kids are more likely to have ADHD symptoms because of brain development. it’s when those symptoms continue to impact the individual or the individual doesn’t grow out of it that you know it’s something serious. Because ADHD severity varies between people, medication is going to affect each person differently and like glasses, some people need them just while the read or drive, while others are blind as a bat without them. It’s worth noting, ADHD can trick you into thinking you don’t need meds when hyper focus kicks in. If you are doing something that is engaging you, it boosts your dopamine and allows you to focus. But it’s all those boring, routine things that fall through the cracks that our ADHD can neglect (like renewing insurance) and thus leads to bigger issues when they create fires. Medication helps manage task switching, controlling your emotions, keeping organized and making sure your aren’t skipping over important details. It’s also worth noting, untreated ADHD can cause severe issues as an adult. I went untreated most my life, did everything I hyper focused on, but then hit a mid life bump and due to lack of medication and coping skills, had a complete psychological collapse. I’ve been putting my life back together for over a year now and am still not at 100%. So, with ADHD, I would advise someone to find the top psychiatrists and doctors who understand it, get real help and avoid the snake oil alternatives.
You’re so brave, I’m still ashamed that I have to take meds to function and I’m not sure of your age but ADHD wasn’t really acknowledged here in Australia when I was a kid, doctors just labelled it “he’s just an energetic kid, he’ll grow out of it” and it wasn’t until my second child was diagnosed as ADHD along with my third some 3yrs later and during an appointment that I had to take them to, which was generally my wife due to me working, that she looked up at me and said you’re ADHD too, in a much more sensitive way I might add. So yeah I was diagnosed properly at 38 years old and my life began to make sense. It’s been difficult not gonna lie, going that long untreated( sorry ‘undiagnosed’ would be a better term) created a lot of bad habits bc we find our own coping mechanisms and strategies regardless of how effective they are. But I’m still coming to terms with the fact I have to take what some consider illicit drugs to function on a day to day basis. Very happy I found this website as well. P.s. Sorry for the huge wall of text, I was gonna delete it like I always do after spending time compiling walls of txt but this time I thought what the heck just hit post. So I did. Thanks for making me feel brave enough to.
My kids’ psychologist explained it as… when your mom finishes reading a long article she doesn’t say, “my glasses did a great job reading that article.” No. SHE read the article… she just used her glasses to correct and aid her eyesight so SHE could see better. The glasses didn’t read and comprehend anything. … In the same way, your A.D.H.D. meds are not the reason for your success. Like the glasses, they are an aid that you need and use.. but YOU are the one doing the great works! Congratulations on a job well done !!
My husband doesn’t think I need ADHD meds because: “you just need to control yourself, its all in your head there’s nothing wrong with you.” At the same time he complains about me forgetting and losing everything, procrastinating over everything, and being too sensitive. This past week I’ve been really productive, ive been able to get things done and he’s noticed. What he doesn’t know is that I bit the $200 bullet, saw a doctor, and went back on my meds. He’ll figure it out someday lol.
I have a million words, but none of them feel right. “Thank you” is a good start. Hearing and seeing my thoughts reflected in your words truly helps. Staying medicated can be such a chore. Feeling that defeated reliance on a drug in order to function, is daunting. Trying to live without and having to come crawling back is demeaning. Seeing your issues in your children and knowing that they too will be condemned to a life of medication feels damning. But hearing from a strong community, and perusal articles like these, is helpful. So… thank you.
I take psych meds for mental health (including ADHD) and I also face a ton of stigma. Nothing makes me more upset than ppl telling me what I should be doing to “conquer” my mental health issues with “natural methods.” AS IF I’ve never tried any alternatives to medicines. I tried EVERYTHING before I got on meds.
I literally just started crying. This is the first article I’ve ever seen seen on the website and I didn’t know I needed positivity and comfort from jet someone I just seen just saying but it’s OK that I am struggling to manage my own. I always feel so behind everybody else in my life and how they’re able to go about their day with little struggle at remembering simple things or finishing tasks but it’s good to know that i’m not alone. Just thank you. I didn’t know I needed that to be said to me.
watching this again got me thinking about how i was a “high functioning” adhder in my adolescence. i was a straight A student, i was involved in every extracurricular, i was into the arts – some might even say i peaked in high school. and i remember when i moved out and went to university, everything went downhill. i was fine, i was fine and then one day… i just wasn’t. i was so mad at myself, so disappointed, and it felt like i was drowning in air. i barely scraped by university at this point and now that i’ve been medicated for almost a year now after fighting for literally years… i can say that you can only try so hard. you can only push yourself so far until you break. i was living in an abusive home and my survival instincts forced me to be a high performer, to have amazing memory where i can memorize every detail and now that i’m safe and away from that environment, i “lost” a lot of those skills. the point is : telling people to not seek treatment (whatever that means … be it through meds, therapy, and/or both) is causing more detriment and harm to adhders because eventually we will break. eventually we will become catatonic and blame ourselves for every little failure whch can so easily snowball into this boulder that we keep trying to push but instead of pushing downhill or on flatland, we’re pushing uphill.
This episode choked me up. I’m 63 and this week finally got ADHD help with meds and I wonder what my life would have been had I started 50 years ago. THANK you so much for what you do. PS you even look like my daughter who last year was diagnosed and who convinced me to look into it. One way I knew there was a difference? My butt hurt at the end of the work day – and I realized I’ve never sat so long without jumping up after each email distracted.
🙏🏼 Thank you-currently being criticised for ‘drugging’ my daughter! Made me really think whether I was taking the ‘easier’ option. So thank you for this.💝 My daughter is 9 and on meds since 1 month and I know she’s more content already. Coming across this article and your site is brilliant. I’ve showed her the glitter bottle and she wants to help make it!😍❤️💝
I wish there was an ADHD simulator that would give normals just 2 minutes of my brain. I described it to a friend, once. I said, You know what it’s like when you haven’t had sleep, the lights are too bright, everything startles you, you know you are supposed to do something but all you can do is stare around you wondering what it was? Add a sugar and caffeine rush and a huge load of guilt about every single thing in your life. All of that, forever.” All she could say was “Wow.”
People really don’t understand how much ADHD can hurt you, especially parents who wont accept their ADHD child and try to curb medicating them or try homeopathic remedies for it. I grew up through my teens without a diagnosis and the emotional and mental damage caused by the pressure of work versus the actual ability to do that work is long lasting. Got very depressed in school especially over my work, and I nearly dropped out of School, then College, and even University because I couldn’t focus on my work. Finally got round to seeing a doctor before the end of University and was lucky enough to get a diagnosis. The medication makes things so much more streamlined, and i feel my heart breaking whenever i think back to a younger me who hated herself to the point of su*cidality and depression just because she couldn’t do work “just like other kids”. It’s very hard and people just don’t seem to realize that.
I don’t know how to put this without sounding weird. But we, the ADHD community love you. Because you stand for us and support us by making these articles. I can’t tell you how much being able to relate to someone even if its through the internet can make me feel. Thank you for helping us feel like we’re not alone. And also for helping us to not feel bad when we take medication or seek mental help. We love you! We support you and thank you so much. Thank you thank you.
Amen. I asked a doctor for meds and she freaked out, told me it was addictive, and took my meds bottle and walked out the room. I was begging for help, but she freaked out. I read my chart later and she wrote that I couldn’t control my kids. Yes, the little one is wild but I just didn’t have the mental capacity to keep up with him anymore that day. She shamed me when I was begging for help. She made me feel like an addict. I rarely take meds but I was in a place where I needed them. Instead, i was given antidepressants and sent on my way. Now, as I’m looking for a new doctor my initial conversation is “I have adhd and I’m looking for a new GP. I need someone who understands that adhd is a condition and who is willing to discuss that condition and write a prescription for medication when needed.” It’s infuriating that I have to preface an appoint with that.
I was hesitant to try a medication but once I did the difference was such a gift. I became aware during my work that first day that I was making connections with ease, felt more relaxed and my progress that day was markedly different than usual. I also felt a bit cheated once getting a glimpse of what life without ADHD might be like.
I remember being a junior in high school and being on my third medication in as many years. After each and every single one I had tried up to that point had made me feel like various forms of zombie, I gave up. Yep, went cold turkey and struggled the rest of the way through high school. Fast forward to the ripe old age of 35 and here I am, still unmedicated. Is it hard to keep things organized and find the motivation to do things? Heck yeah, but I got me a wonderful fiance who has OCD and plenty of other things to keep me occupied. But, if your meds help you, take em.
Just diagnosed at 36. It all makes sense to me now. I was so frustrated because everyone seems to have a sense of how to put things in order and make them happen. Me I struggled TREMENDOUSLY with that. I always had notes scattered all over the place of passwords, goals that change by the second, books that I was gonna supposedly read etc. Just got put on a low dose of stimulant medication and I can tell the difference im less impulsive, can plan and stay on task in a way that I never could. Your website is one of the very best out here on adhd hands down. There is a lot of garbage content floating around you tube on adhd. Now that Im medicated Im finding my strengths and working on those to have a better life for myself and family. Hats off to you and a big thanks for sharing your brain with other brains 😀👊
This literally hit me in the gut. I felt like a drug addict taking my meds because other people kept saying it’s no different then being on hard drugs. Bad bad bad mistake. I fell off the deep end. Depression etc. I went two weeks and lost it, so I completely understand how you felt. Not to mention the crash for the first 4 days.
i felt the same today from 9am to 5 pm. i went to my college. reserved a room for myself so i wouldnt be distracted by others. and i ended up crying, being angry at myself and anythibg and everyone around me. feeling compeltely useless and not being able to finish this little essay. everythibg around me was perfect a Nice clean desk. water,my laptop. no phone. no internet. and i just couldnt do it. it feels horrible and more horrible qhen you thibk about it. i spent the whole day and nothibg. nothingbhappened. i recently had to leave my project because i wasnt trying hard enough… would they see my ADD as an excuse? my classmates talk about me not having the discipline to work through the essays…some even about my lack of motivation… today i had one of the worst days again. thanks for making the article and posting it today. exactly when i needed it. seriously thanks…aaaand i might be even about to cry…so..
when i dont take my meds, i feel stupid. I cant do anything and its like a mini war in my head of “i have to do homework” but “then again i could watch youtube and play article games.” “mom is gonna get mad that you dont do your homework” BUTTT “i was lacking motivation” “ur gonna fail” BUUUT “its only 8th grade” Now im hungry, byyyyeee chicken noodly soup is what im craving if you see me in walmart looking for it
I’ve gone my entire life without ADHD medication, and now I think I’m at that tipping point where I need it! For the past few years, I’ve been getting the same effects of ADHD meds through self medication with marijuana, kratom, and nicotine, but each come with their plethora of side effects and often leave me worse off when they wear off. After experimenting with my girlfriend’s low dose of Adderall (taking the 15 mg in the morning, or taking only half of one at mid-day-1:00 etc) its like all the gears begin to turn all at once! Don’t ever feel bad for it, it is one of the most helpful things I’ve ever seen!
this made me cry….. i don’t take medication because i do not have enough money to be buying it…. but i feel this everyday, i am in college and i can tell you i cry so much because i can not concentrate and i try so hard and i felt like no one understood that feeling…. everyone judges me and tell me i do not try hard enough but man i really do.
Yes yes yes, this! As a fellow ADHDer, I thought I was the only one. I went without meds for only 3.5 days, but I completely lost grip on my planning, to-do list, daily structure and such from the first day without them. And the worst thing of all was that my motivation to do anything went out the window. I felt so lost without without my meds, but I beat myself up over it, thinking that “I should be able to function without them”, and that I am just weak and should (wo)man up. That some people say ADHD is not real anyway. Well I guess….I really don’t function great without my meds. Or at least not as well as when I do take my meds. I got my meds again today and just took my first dose of the day. I feel so much better now, and calmer too. There’s no shame in taking meds! I’m so grateful I have them. I’m trying not to think too much about the fact that some people say ADHD isn’t real and that some people compare methylphenidate and other ADHD meds (stimulants) to the white powdery drug that I shall not name here because I’m not sure if that’s allowed. Anyway… I have a to-do list to attack, so that’s what I’m going to do now. Thank you Jessica for your awesome article’s! Not only are they very educative and fun to watch, they also make me feel less alone. And that truly lifts my heart. So thanks a million 😊 Greetings from the Netherlands; Laura
Just yesterday I was like “I have learned so many strategies, I can do this homework without meds! It’s just one page.” Ended up with three sentences after four hours and a complete meltdown. It is so frustrating to feel like depending on medication, but your articles do remind me that it’s okay and help me feel a little less like a failure🌸 thank you
When she goes: ‘I took a pill…and I felt so ashamed about it!’ Me: Noooooooooo, your brain needs the neurochemical halp! Mine does too (with different neurotransmitters for different diagnosis). Being shamed for having brain chemistry help is like someone being shamed for using a cane or a prosthetic leg when they need the thing to physically make things better.
I’m currently bawling my eyes out. I’ve been off my meds for over a week now because my doctor’s appointments didn’t line up to get my refill on time. I have barely been able to work (I work from home), I cried instead of going to soccer because I was too anxious about being tired, I’ve been eating like crazy, afraid to drive, getting grumpy with my kids, obsessively cleaning, and feeling guilty because I really just want to sleep until my appointment …this comment is also taking me 10 mins longer than it should. You do great work Jessica. The stigma alone makes it hard to talk about why I’m struggling because people just dont seem to understand. Anyways…longwinded… Thank you doing what you do! 🙂
This is your best article in a long time. It is truthful and necessary. Too many YouTube articles focus on alternatives to stimulant medication, and very few relate how they can actually help. I know that I need my own medication and can sympathize with your predicament. I find that I have to consume a large dose of caffeine to compensate if I forget to take it. Incidentally, drug plans should be a high priority. Also, it never gets any easier to cope as you age.
Thank you for this. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I was diagnosed as an adult and often feel like a drug addict – which I am not. But when your insurance company arbitrarily covers SOME ADHD medications but not others – it makes you feel like you’re doing something wrong (and then you have to show photo ID…) When you can’t function well without meds it makes you wonder if you really are a failure. articles like these save lives. Thank you.
I recently started taking Adderall after nearly two decades of living in denial of the way my brain works. These past months have been some of the happiest and most productive of my life, and when you started talking about how you felt without them, I broke into tears. I’m still crying while writing this. You described me exactly, and although it wasn’t so long ago that I felt that same frustration, it feels like I’m a completely different person now. I’ve been saying this whole time that it felt like my brain but on glasses, and hearing someone else say it just hit home. I’m not sure you’ll ever even read this, but this just meant a lot to me, and I wanted to say a heartfelt, genuine, fully-focused thank you to you for solidifying the thoughts in my head that this is better, and that I shouldn’t be ashamed of myself like I was for so many years.
It’s interesting that your response to being ashamed of needing a pill to write an episode was to write an episode of it to broadcast to the Internet. Interesting not so much for the irony but interesting because this is a skill from DBT! (Dialectical behavioral therapy) the skill is called “opposite action” and it’s an emotion regulation skill. In this case the emotion was shame, typically, the impulse when one feels shame is to hide away and try and conceal the thing you’re ashamed of. But opposite action says to share (ideally with people you trust who won’t judge you but hey, super kudos to you for being so brave) the shameful thing. And in this case you doing so not only helped you accept (another dbt skill: radical acceptance) the facts but help other brains by making this article! I’m not trying to sell dbt, I’m just saying it’s cool how you used that negative emotion to become a positive and that behavioral science seems to think it’s cool too!
This article just made me cry, and I wasn’t even already feeling emotional. I have always felt so alone in this and so misunderstood. I have been feeling very “incompetent” lately trying to finish grad school. I just had like an hour hyper-focus session perusal your articles when I should have been writing my thesis, but it was worth it. Thank you Jessica, you are an inspiration.
Hi. So I’m pretty sure that I may have inattentive adhd (my mom and uncle have it). I have pretty much all the symptoms. But one thing I experience a lot is going to my room to do my homework but just not being able to do it. Like it’s physically impossible for me to get up, go to my bag, and do my stuff. I just cannot will myself to start it. So I stare off blankly into my room, slowly becoming more and more anxious about the consequences. And usually I turn to my phone to distract me and I just cannot get up after that. Is this another sign of adhd? ANY HELP IS APPRECIATED 🙃
I stopped taking my medication over ten years ago when I was still in high school. I was asked if I really wanted to stop, and I did, but not because it didn’t help me – they helped me so much, but I didn’t want to feel like the medication was the only reason I was able to function. Since then I’ve graduated high school, gotten my undergraduate degree, and working on my Masters, but I feel like maybe I should take them again. It was so hard to function without them, and I have been able to function without them, but it is so hard, and the battle to get my mind to focus on what I need done before it becomes a time crunch … the medication helped me so much, and I don’t need to prove anything to myself on this anymore
I’m a mechanic’s daughter and this is my explanation of how a stimulant, adhd meds, actually smooths out my brain. If a car has a bad spark plug, it sputters and jerks because that plug is not firing in sync with the other plugs. Stepping on the gas (pressure to just try harder) doesn’t make the engine run better. In fact, most of the time, it sputters more. The engine’s performance is unpredictable and inefficient. Add a new faster plug that can keep up with the other plugs is like taking your medication. The engine smooths out and runs more efficiently. Now if you step on the gas, the engine can keep up with demands.
I wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD-PI until I was 49. Coping mechanisms I learned over the years before getting diagnosed and medicated: – Use an online bill paying service to pay regular bills. – Multiple alarm clocks (one across the room requiring getting out of bed to turn it off). – use an underpowered computer to access the internet when you can’t afford to get badly sidetracked on the internet since the computer bogs down when too many tabs are open at one time. – break tasks down into smaller and smaller pieces until it gets to a size where it is no longer too intimidating to start. – create rules to help avoid problems. for example: one of my rules is dirty dishes do not go in the sink (no dishwashing machine) since if the sink is full then I find it much harder to get started washing dishes. Another rule which has become a habit is to always check the toilet paper level when I enter the bathroom. – create habits such as my habit of wash dishes as I am cooking because I find that once I have eaten I do not do dishes. – keep a notepad and pen by the bed for those times when thinking about what needs to be done tomorrow makes it hard to get to sleep – write it down before going to bed and look at it in the morning on waking. – I use a calendar app on my smartphone which allows me to set multiple alarms for events. Using this I rarely miss a doctor appointment and I am not as late. I will start the alarms early usually 2 or 3 days before then another 1 day before then multiple alarms on the day of the appointment.
I went 3 months without the medication and I couldn’t believe how difficult it was. I was diagnosed as an adult and medications helped me so much. I was so scared to ask my doctor to put me back on them. I felt ashamed that I couldn’t be normal without medication but it makes me feel better knowing that the feeling is common.
It’s been 8 years since I’ve been off my medications and I still struggle to figure it out. I literally just came across your website and you have helped me out in so many ways. My wife didn’t fully understand the severity of my ADHD until I showed her your articles. It has gotten easier but there are still areas in my life that I still struggle dramatically in. I feel like meds or no meds it’s still something we will struggle with but together we can help each other just like your articles helped me and my marriage.
I was diagnosed with ADHD last week and have just started on medication. It’s been helping me tremendously, but I have had that feeling that maybe I shouldn’t be taking this “easy way out”. It’s such a huge change after being used to struggling and somehow I felt I didn’t deserve it to be eased. This article really helped me reassure myself that it’s okay. Thank you ❤️
This is my favorite “new” YouTube website! I cannot thank you enough for the content you are providing in these excellent articles. I am 39 years old. A good friend who is ADHD diagnosed has been telling me for years that I am ADHD as well. I have also had other close friends tell me that I “need medication.” BUT I ignored their prodding and nudges for decades. This year, I have finally come to terms with who I am and how my brain works. (That was quite a process, let me assure you.) I finally accept that I have ADHD. I have been on that journey of reeling, shock, but also feeling grateful to finally begin to understand more about myself and to see things clearly, for once. Truly an “A-HA!” moment, if there ever was one. It’s surprisingly hard to access treatment and diagnosis as an adult! Your articles are an absolute boon for me, and I’m sure for thousands of others. I am also going to watch several of these articles with my wife (*ahem* the ADHD and relationships article *cough*) to help us both understand this weird brain better. The world needs these articles. Please keep making them. Thank you!
Getting medicated changed my life! I’ll never forget the first time I took them; driving to my first class that year, and feeling like I knew I had everything in my backpack I needed, and I knew where my list for my classes were. Just the assurance of knowing I didn’t forget anything important made me almost cry with joy.
Your articles have helped me to understand a lot about myself and my childhood in the 1970’s. ADHD didn’t seem to be talked about back then, i never heard of it until 5 or 10 years ago. I remember hearing the word “hyperactive” being used to describe me. My parents especially my dad had no understanding and I feel he was quite vile towards me at times. I felt as though I was paralysed by fear of him. I think that is why i became totally estranged from him as an adult even when he was on his deathbed. I didnt want anyone to tell him i was there. I remember seeing a child psychologist and I never knew why. So many things are becoming clear. I am in such a confused and mixed up state when i think back and try to make sense of everything. .
Recently, as a 15-year-old, I’ve been having horrible anxiety attacks in school on days when I forget to take my ADHD medicine. I wore a FitBit that could check my heart rate and it was about 190 BPM just sitting down. I couldn’t move my legs (or most of my body) and my hands were shaking. Does anyone else get this? (I posted this on another one of her articles, but then I found this one, deleted the comment on the other article, and posted it on this one because I thought it would be a better place.)
This vid almost made me cry. I was finally diagnosed with ADHD 6 months ago (i’m 30). I have been prescribed an amphetamine called concerta and that’s the only thing I take for my ADHD. But I’m still struggling a lot. Last time I saw my psychiatrist, I told him how i’m struggling to focus even on the concerta and his response was “well then maybe you don’t have ADHD”…. I was on the verge of having an emotional breakdown then and there!! Is there any other type of medication people with ADHD can take?? I’m in a really bad place right now and i’m struggling to cope 🙁
I had a lot of doubts about start taking medications(stigma). At the beginning of my journey feeling the high made me feel even more guilty and weird about it. Now that my body has adjusted I can tell that the effect is subtle and not as major as many people describe. it may happen that you feel there is not difference with your ” non medications self” (people with ADHD have different way of remembering), but on medication I get things done, I am less snappy, resentful and more in control. That is it, the medications should not feel like a recreational drug they just allow you to be a functional being like everyone else. You are not cheating because you don’t have to be super performant, if you are on the right medication you will feel in peace with your brain and that is reflected in your actions. At least this is my experience 🙂 All the best to you all!
I’m proud of everyone who’s taking meds, it means you’ve all done what we are generally so terrible at, taking action! so don’t ever feel ashamed. I’m glad you’re getting help, I’m glad it gives you more control and gets you through the day. So please don’t stop taking meds while it’s helping you. I’m currently not on them but I wish I was if it makes such a difference… Right now I can’t even get out of the house haha ;;
Non medicated for 15+ years. This article hits hard, I can’t afford healthcare, so I can’t afford when I need my meds. I’ve learned to cope by doing work when I can focus, but it’s not the time that is best for my family or work :(. Thankfully I work with spreadsheets and my boss is understanding. Unfortunately, diet and exercise has suffered and I’m comically large which is frustrating (5’10″ @250lbs). I haven’t really looked into other methods but after perusal some of your articles, I guess I should take a look, my health depends on it, why can’t I hyper fixate on that brain?!
This hit so close to home. Sometimes I feel so ashamed for my meds, and how dependent I am on them. I am glad that I have had parents who support me and helped me get prescriptions while I was still in 7th grade. (Fun story: I wrote an essay for class in 8th and I got an A instead of average D so my teacher messaged me on our break to tell me I was awesome) I glad at first, but after a while I felt weak and broken for being so dependent on them. No one shamed me for being on meds directly, but sometime people close to me would tease me: “*chuckle* did you take your meds today?” if I acted out or seemed unfocused, that hurt in so many ways I probably can’t list them all. I hated that anyone had that power over me, that I was a freak who needed meds to be like them, that it was not just my business to take my meds to focus but everyone else I interacted with because it is my responsibility to be an “acceptable” functional person with them. I so glad I got recommend this article because I am glad to know that I am not alone. Thank you! 🙂
I was diagnosed with adult adhd last month. I’m now medicated 😊. it was like turning on a light and everything became clear. I did actually cry, Because I felt cheated of my childhood and my education. If I had been given the chance where would I be…. I have since removed that way of thinking and I will use my new found Outlook to improve myself now.
The part about trying so hard to do it on your own, and then feeling nothing but shame when you took the pill made me both cry and laugh in anguish and relief. I’ve been off medication for a decade now, since I got out of highschool. I’ve been going it alone, telling myself that I grew out of symptoms and I just needed to push myself. It’s only now that I started taking medication again and researching my mental health. Those are ten years I can never get back, but I’m trying.
Your posts are extremely helpful. Ever since I was diagnosed with Adult ADD, I jave gleaned so much support and understanding and advice from you, it is invaluable. The ‘believe me, I’ve tried’ describes my past life to a tee. I am on my second week of medication (its amazing what you can do with brain glasses on!) and still learning to understand all the impact this ADD actually have on me. I will be relistening to a lot of your articles to implement some strategies. Please keep up the great work you are doing, you are precious!!
Thanks for bringing this up. I’ve recently confirmed my self-diagnosis with a psychologist after a 3 session-long questionnaire (due to my adhd babbling of course). She didn’t mention meds, but coaching. Today I had an exhausting day due to task switching and lack of preparation, which means improvising last minute. Then, remembering urgent stuff that needs to be done before EOD. Sometimes work is a piece of cake, but other times it’s such a chore… The i get home and see everything I’ve been procrastinating. And it’s mostly because of how my brain works. So I’m now thinking it’s really exhausting, and maybe if I took meds my life would just be easier.
I am 38 next week.. and the last few years got progressively worse to the point I am due an ADHD assessment 1st March. I know the cloudy mind you speak of… and the rest of the BS that goes with it… thanks for these websites, I now have a better understanding of ADHD instead of being like 99% of the world that thinks ADHD is just unruly kids…
hi, i am not sure what to say. i have a daughter who was diagnosed with ADHD and my youngest seems to have ADHD too. he is the opposite of his big sister. my daughter, Kae, has inattentiveness. loses things. doesn’t respond well. very creative and artistic. my son, Kar, is very aggressive. won’t sit unless sleepy, or perusal movies or youtube series. me? i have my daughter’s symptoms too but i have not been diagnosed yet. i lost my job because i was forced to resign because i couldn’t focus anymore. i sleep. i tend to be more relaxed. i got bored. i can’t do something i want while working. it burned me up. i resigned. btw, i am here in The Philippines so it is a bit different than when you’re in the US. Filipinos still tend to brand you as such and such. not sure if i will regret posting it here. but please pray for me and my family. i can’t set-up a gofundme account because i don’t have dollar account or US address or like that. thanks.
I so needed to hear this. especially since my mom.has always been saying that I don’t try (with adhd and/or depression) she said this because she doesn’t get it. she’s fine mentally or learned to cope differently if she has them. I definitely need medication and finding out I have adhd has opened WHOLE lot of doors for me. I’m finally getting the right medicine, the right counseling and it’s WORKING. I’m getting stuff done that I LOATHED doing before. stuff that I had to get fed up enough to do. I hate that I have a lot of medicines I have to take (vitamin supplements and meds for other problems) but if I need them at 24….then I shouldn’t hate the fact that I need it. right? anywho! thanks so much for the reminder and I hope you soon get everything squared away with yourself. much ❤
I feel your pain. When i went to japan for 3 months i had to change my adhd meds from vyvanse to concerta. It was not fun especially when i was learning japanese for the majority of that time. It is true without meds we can not do the normal things we would do. HOWEVER from my experience we still retain the will to know what we need to do BUT we do not want to do them. I love your website and it makes me happy that as an adult i am not alone with this. It makes it nice to have others to talk to about it.
I have a hard time trying to explain to my mom about how I have ADHD. I wasn’t diagnosed until a couple years ago while I was in the military. She generally feels like depression and adhd is all in your head and doctors diagnose it for money. But I feel centered and calm and grounded when I’m on my meds. I wish I could be open with her about this
Hey! I recently started to watch your articles. So I’m gonne just tell my story. I’m off my medication since 5 years now (I’m 17). It helped me alot to be without them. I now am able to do a lot of things different. I had a hard time to act in society without my meds, but after I understood it all and can now socialize and all. In the end, I’m pretty happy that I stopped taking those meds. Even though, at times I still feel that things would be easier with my medication, but I firmly believe it was the right decision. But everyone should cope in their way. Thanks for reading 😀
Sometimes i am afraid to think of what it would be like if I didn’t have the meds like im cheating. Like I wouldn’t be where I am now if I didn’t have the meds. Its depressing. Then you have people saying things like everyone has a hard time focusing sometimes. But I just describe a few of my WORST moments. I explain to them my experience of studying for 6 hours a day after class and on weekends just to keep up with people who only need two hours max and actually had fun on the weekends. I describe to them how hard I have to focus just to listen to someone that talking directly to me two feet away. Then they are speechless, or they stop caring. Either way I feel better. Lol
I don’t take meds for ADHD, but this experience strongly mirrors my relationship with antidepressants and how I felt before and after getting on meds. Thank you for helping destigmatize using medication to fix brain problems. Hopefully this article helps someone make the decision to at least try medication.
I never knew someone who could say what I felt without ever know the person. perusal this did make me cry not because it was sad but because no one I’ve known could relate the same feelings I had about taking medication and not. My parents heavily burdened my childhood with psychiatrists, therapists, tutors and mental health aids all the way up to middle school. Until one day our insurance said they’re not going to cover it anymore. I was happy so happy because I was so miserable, tired, and self harming; bouncing around clinic, to office, to pharmacies. The meds of course helped my ADD, but not the anxiety, and chronic depression that I felt. Going through the trials of finding which medication help other symptoms and which made them worse was exhausting. Before I entered high school I was determined work through my mental illnesses. It mostly worked until family takes a play at it. I was constantly criticized and verbally vilified for not taking medication. Finally got to a point where I began taking meds again and the issue of all my illnesses came to hurt again. I talked to therapist and made my decision of not taking meds and sticking to my previous coping methods. It’s still hard but I have a good support system with my husband and maternal family that help me feel confident with my decision. Thank you for making this article.
This sparked a thought in my mind, I have an odd case with ADHD, I was diagnosed with it as a child and it definitely carried to my adult life. I tried some of the drugs as a kid too but never took more than a few doses of each.. (Though I am a frequent user of Marijuana) I also have ocd on some level which I do not take drugs for either, not diagnosed but definitely present as I have been doing small rituals like jiggling my door handle a very specific amount of times for as long as I can remember. Never TOO severe though as I have seen much worse cases of rituals online. I’m wondering if its possible that my OCD symptoms cancel out some of the “lack of attention/focus” caused by my adhd? Like adhd makes it hard to focus on mundane tasks BUT my ocd makes me check my work multiple times and really go over everything I do. Its wierd but I think they could be related to how I cope with both problems at the same time.. almost a symbiotic relationship of slight mental disorders if you will lol. very interesting to me, id love to hear thoughts and opinions from anyone willing to comment on this. Thanks!!
I was diagnosed when I was 24 and started medication short after. Before my diagnosis I managed to graduate from school, having a scholarship for engineering college and graduated as one of the best students. Still everything was so f*ing hard to do, I ended learning a lot of bad coping strategies and my mental health wasn’t good. So after being on meds I feel that everything I want to do is so much easier than before and as you say is like using glasses to see. No one is less for using glasses, we are not less for using ADHD meds
Thank you for this article. I am 21 and finally got diagnosed with ADHD and was trying to explain to my mother why I needed to be on the medication. She didn’t think I needed it. But I am a university student who also works and has Depression, anxiety and OCD as well. The meds have helped me control my depression which in turn helps my anxiety and ocd as well. I have never felt so productive and capable as when I started taking these meds.
Another Comment to introduce myself. Hi! I am Rachelle Leduc, I’m a 3rd-year BScN RN student from Canada. I have already completed my pharmacology course and through my university have access to medical resources including “Lexicomp” a resource loved by all medical professionals for the most up to date and correct medical information on medications, supplements, etc. I can’t tell you what drug you should go on or how to treat you and I can’t tell you if a drug is right for you, but I can give you information on medication that is reliable. It’s hard to know if what you are reading online is the most accurate especially when you have not studied the area. So if you have questions you can’t find the answer too or are unsure if you have correct information feel free to ask me! I will try my best to help you or point you in the right direction. 🙂
I’m trying to get my insurance back too. The GoodRX card helps a lot. It’s free, and saves you a lot of $ on meds. Still more expensive than what insurance covers, but nowhere near paying completely out of pocket. By the way, I’m also still taking the ADD meds (I’m 43), and not ashamed about it (some people my age are however).
Thank you so much for making me feel i’m not alone, and for helping me understand its ok to have ADHD and its okay to take medication. I cry a lot with your articles, but they are good tears, tears of forgiveness. My sincerest and most heartfelt thanks for everything you conquer to be able to make these articles. Congratulations, what you make is beautiful in every way.
I’m somewhere on it and I manage… for the most part… without medication. I definitely have days where I space out and don’t concentrate but I think meds should be left up to the person to decide. It’s when it’s pushed to children that I have issues. Too easy to give them more than they need and get them hooked on it.
You articulate these thoughts so well. I wish I’d found your website sooner. It’s reassuring to hear someone talk about the things I experience on the daily and feel like no one in my life can relate to. ADHD has made me feel isolated, alone, and inept. Your articles help me see how important it is to be patient with myself and learn to nurture myself. Thank you.
I was recently diagnosed with ADHD as a 37 years old. I totally understand everything you stated in this article and want to thank you for sharing your experiences. On meds, I have lost that disconnect between the person I knew I was with how I was behaving. Especially in times of stress. Now I’m a completely regulated active father, husband and teacher. I make goals and complete them as I see fit. It’s absolutely wonderful. Keep up the great work!
This article provided me the most relatable and strong hearted messages out of the many I’ve watched by you, it really focused on the stigma on ADHD & meds. And most of all, how awful some other folks with ADHD can be, comparing themselves to you in order to make you feel like you’re not trying hard enough, it’s all your fault, and your pain isn’t real.
My wonderful parents got me diagnosed at 6 years old! We tried medication but it gave me terrible mood swings so I don’t use meds anymore, but I’m so happy for those that bennifit from them! I’m now in my late 20s and I just found this website last week. It’s helping me so much. Thank you so much Jessica! I’m staring to live a better life with less struggle because of you and this community. Thank you everyone! Also my post is edited because my adhd makes me write too fast and I always need to correct my spelling and grammar after the fact lol.
I’m on antipsychotics and I really needed to hear this. Don’t be ashamed to be on meds, I’m one of those people who cannot function without the meds and I’m sure there are many more who need the meds in order to function just like me. Cheers and please take care of yourselves, it doesn’t matter what others say.
This is the second article of yours that I’ve now watched; the first (rejection sensitivity) was a day or two ago. 52 years old, fighting through the ingrained 70s stigma to figure this out. “It’s too late, this is just how I am” is becoming an excuse I’m tired of telling myself. Thank you for your articles, and the tremendous effort it takes to actually accomplish them.
Tried being off meds when not working and on weekends only, bad idea. Was off for 3 weeks and ruined my relationship with a great individual. It has happened before and every time I was off medication. Everything is layered, impulses, inattentiveness, emotional disregulation etc. It’s rough. Live, love, and learn.
I use medication and bunch of other ways to help to cop with this ADHD of mine…. I used to take a smaller dose in week-end than week days…. thinking I didn’t need it as much…. Finnaly I realized that it messed me up, I felt I should be as productive than any other day as I used some meds, but I failled again and again because I perform less than when I used my real doses… I now use a flat dose everyday and personnaly I don’t think I could live without it (with a quality life) it is like you say in the article, now that I know I can ”see” better….I realize how I see badly without it… I could say there is still stuff I can do without meds, but I know so much more I can’t do!!! Stuff that litterally live in the to do list for years… and keept being there…. I can manage to do it with meds… AND I loose my keys only few times every week… instead of few times everydays!!! as my cellphone, as my glases, as my……….
Thank you. I’m 36 and just got “officially” diagnosed this year with ADHD. I’ve known my whole life, but I finally wanted to do something about it. It’s been somewhat of a struggle bringing myself to taking my medication regularly because of this “stigma”, but I thank myself when I do. Thanks for reminding us that it’s ok.
I just found your website and I have to tell you, you are AWESOME! I’m so tired of being shamed for giving my son medicine for his ADHD but he needs it so badly. Why can’t people understand its not because we are “bad parents” but something mentally wrong? Do they think we asked for this? Heck no. My son is also Autistic so there are lots of struggles I’ve had to overcome since he was 2.
God bless you for your brutal honesty about your experience of stop taking your ADHD medication. I have been there, I have done that and I was exactly the same as you. Supplements, meditation, breathing exercises, diet help to a certain degree but not nearly enough for makes us ADHD people productive, feeling a little better about ourselves.
I disagree! From my own experience, when you go off ADHD medications everything becomes much worse than it was before you started taking them in the first place. They are real addictive drugs. Your brain adjusts to them and starts producing even less of it’s own dopamine. So when I run out of them I am totally dysfunctional, even though I wasn’t before I began taking them. Before I started ever taking ADHD medication I could focus for hours, but now after taking them for a few years I can’t do as well without them anymore! The doctors messed me up longterm through these artificial quick fixes called stimulants. Today I firmly decided I will not take these addictive drugs ever again, I just hope that in time my brain returns back to normal (i. e. to how it was before I started taking these meds).
When I first started going to university I was a physics major, and I had such a hard time understanding elementary kinematics. I started taking medication a few months ago and could understand theoretical math (measure theory) concepts with not nearly as much difficulty. It really feels as if the medication increases the available space I have to store concepts in my head in the moment (like RAM in a computer). I had to stop stimulant medications because they were irritating my stomach, and so does strattera. It’s a sh*tty situation.
When I was diagnosed with ADHD, Adderall made a huge difference. Then I was thinking, what if I was just being lazy the entire time and now I’m using this as a crutch, I stopped for a month right now, I rapidly declined, missed deadlines, fell behind in my studies, fell back to my article game and internet addiction, and have this weird anxiety that if I start taking my meds I’m locking up my true self, the person who loves article games and browsing the internet. Anyway, I’m going to go pick up my prescription for this month and start taking the meds.
When starting this journey 30+years ago, my mother was extremely cautious about which meds we would try. Even then I hated them. they would up a dose, I would skip it. I feel I do manage well now without. but omg do I have my days. Now that I am older and supposedly wiser I wonder what might have been. creative outlet. outlets period are a must I feel, meds or not. great article as always. thanks.
I’ve gotten into three car accidents. One I had not taken my meds, cause I forgot. And the other two were late at night when my meds had worn off. And although it does feel weird to say, especially because I know a lot people diagnosed with ADHD who pride themselves on not taking medication, but I need my meds. Thank you for your articles! They’re a great resource!
Hey, I know you might not realize that you’re doing it, but you keep saying that you ARE ADHD in your articles. You’re not ADHD. You have ADHD. That’s just something that my mom called me out on a few years ago and it really helped me be able to see myself as a human being with a brain, not a brain with some sort of malfunction. 🙂
My names Anthony “im using my wifes phone” i just wanted to say that i have ADD not ADHD but i have found that it effects me in the exact same way with the exception of being hyper. I have spent my whole life trying to get off meds because i have always felt less than for having to take meds to be focused. Well at least until recently. I have discovered that my ADD is not a curse but a blessing in how when i have it under control i and ten times more creative then normal thinking people. I just wanted to say thanks for your articles. I believe God uses you as a light for many who are misunderstood because of this. ADD and ADHD are our superpowers!
I’ve been on the same meds since I was 6 (18 now). Concerta was what I took, and it was good. Emphasis on was. It started to lose it’s effect around the beginning of this year, and it just kept getting progressively worse. I’ve been struggling so much. Even caught myself falling into depression. Luckily, I have that meds check up today, and I’ll talk to my doctor about getting new meds.
I really needed to see this today, it really hit me deep. I missed an appointment with my doctor and then let anxiety keep me from calling to make a new appointment while I lied to myself that I was managing to cope without my meds and my ability to function in life crumbled, until I just couldn’t take it anymore. I’m finally seeing a doctor about my ADHD again, and hoping I can pick up my meds tomorrow before work.
Wow. Finding your website has been a godsend. I got diagnosed a couple of weeks ago by a psychologist. The worst thing about Canadian healthcare is that you can’t get any appointments quickly. It took me a couple weeks before I could see my psychiatrist and I was scared to death he wouldn’t listen to me. I have the deepest respect for my doctor. He’s helped me through some very trying times and I believe he saved my life. But when I told my psychiatrist he didn’t believe me because he said “you don’t have any history of it from childhood so you can’t have it.” (translation: I was tops in my class and I was a good little boy). Once I cried in his office and we went over the symptoms and he reread my results from the ADHD self-report scale, he agreed to a two week trial for Adderall. Folks, I am on day two and for the first time in my life my brain works. For the first time in 45 years. I can’t wait to see what happens next.
My Dad has adhd and he also has a pcychology degree,my mom and dad are divorced so they are not really talking,but i am visiting my Dad sometimes.. and we talk a lot. Not long time ago i was complaining on how lazy i was and how i didnt know how to force myself and other stuff.He said that maybe i have adhd. I really wanted to be sure if i actually had it or no,but i cant because my Mom says that adhd is just an excuse to be lazy and do nothing instead of studying and doing important things
Hold up hold up…. This is the third time I’m looking at this episode and… the background music from the more mellow part is sounding extremely familiar to me. Isn’t it from a visual novel? Katawa Shoujo, maybe? It’s driving me nuts and I can’t get anything else done until I’ve figured this out!!! >.<