Childless women have earnings similar to men’s salaries, while mothers experience a significant wage gap. Studies have shown that the “motherhood penalty” makes up 80 of the gender pay gap, with men spending just of a third of the time women do on unpaid work. Motherhood is costly as women often drop out of the workforce to raise their children, leading to a financial hit. Women reported an average median salary of around $55,000, while men reported an average of $72,000.
As the national conversation around declining birth rates and reproductive freedom continues, understanding the research on motherhood penalties could help couples overcome the motherhood penalty. Three ways to help your partner overcome the motherhood penalty include encouraging collaborative problem-solving sessions, encouraging collaborative problem-solving sessions, and considering hiring managers less likely to hire mothers than women without children.
The motherhood penalty refers to the lost earnings of women who have children, with studies showing that mothers can see their salaries drop by as much as 5 per child. Although childbearing has economic benefits for society, women are financially penalized for having children. A study by Census Bureau researchers found that it takes more than a million dollars to raise children and be a great mom.
In the long run, the motherhood penalty may vanish or even turn into a premium compared to women who do not have children.
📹 How I Got 3 Months PAID Maternity Leave as a WAHM
Today, I am sharing a behind-the-scenes about how I am able to take 3 months of paid maternity leave as an entrepreneur.
What is the motherhood penalty globally?
The “motherhood penalty” is a term used to describe the average decline in a woman’s probability of employment ten years after giving birth. A study revealed that 15 out of 134 countries’ mothers did not return to the workforce within a decade, indicating a significant discrepancy in the employment rates of mothers across different countries.
What is the motherhood pay gap?
Gender inequalities persist, with women earning less than men on average. The “motherhood pay gap” occurs when women have children, causing their earnings to plummet after birth, while men’s earnings barely change. Studies suggest that women’s earnings are largely due to parenting responsibilities, as children significantly reduce their human capital, resulting in a decrease in their earnings. This “family gap” or child penalties contributes to the persistent gender inequalities.
What is the motherhood penalty theory?
The motherhood penalty refers to the disadvantages faced by working mothers in the workplace, including a per-child wage penalty, worse job-site evaluations, and a larger pay gap between non-mothers and mothers. This penalty is not limited to one cause but can be linked to various theories and societal perceptions. One prominent theory is the work-effort theory, which is based on the mother’s intersectionality. The motherhood penalty has been documented in over a dozen other industrialized nations, including Japan, South Korea, The United Kingdom, The Netherlands, Poland, and Australia.
The most commonly hypothesized explanation for the motherhood wage penalty is that childbearing and childrearing disrupt formal education and on-the-job training. However, evidence suggests that educational and training differences between mothers and non-mothers do not entirely explain the penalty for motherhood. The wage gap varies by state and occupation, with construction being more prominent for African American and Latina women.
Sole mothers experience more financial hardship, lack positive psychosocial interaction, social support, increased likelihood of health complications, and more obstacles in sustaining a job due to challenges in finding quality, reliable, and affordable child care. The penalty has not shown any signs of declining over time.
What is the mother blame theory?
The practice of mother blaming is predicated on the assumption that mothers are primarily responsible for ensuring the safety and well-being of their children. This assumption is perpetuated even in instances where the mother herself is a victim, such as when mothers are invited to meetings but not contacted when the father is absent.
How to avoid the motherhood penalty?
The motherhood penalty underscores the need for policy changes to support working mothers, including family-friendly policies like flexible work schedules, telecommuting options, and paid leave. Recommendations for returning mothers include work-subsidized childcare programs, office policies regarding pumping and private lactation rooms, and helplines. Employees can also support colleagues by advocating for equal opportunities for professional development, promotions, and career advancement, promoting work-life balance, and mentoring women to address potential career gaps resulting from caregiving responsibilities.
Why is motherhood so stressful?
Motherhood is a multifaceted challenge faced by mothers worldwide, involving various sources such as time constraints, social pressures, unrealistic expectations, sleep deprivation, lack of family support, personal identity difficulties, financial pressures, and more. Understanding the triggers behind mom stress is crucial for effectively managing its impact. As a mother of three adult children and a physician, I am shedding light on the complexities that many mothers face in their journey of raising children.
An undeniable contributor to stress is our relationship with social media. Research shows that time spent on social media platforms amplifies feelings of stress, creating unrealistic expectations and pressures. This pressure often extends to feeling guilty about not measuring up and triggering unnecessary stress on health. Understanding the root causes behind mom stress is essential for addressing and managing its impact.
Why is motherhood worth it?
Some women believe that motherhood hinders human growth and development, particularly in relationships and work choices. However, many women believe that being a mother provides the channel for growth and development, making it possible only through motherhood. Being a mother fosters the nurturing side of women, allowing them to engage a person physically and emotionally, stimulating and pleasing sentiments that enable them to feel good about themselves and how they treat others.
Many women admit to inability to accurately convey the depth of love and emotions they feel as mothers, as these emotions are lost on children until they become parents themselves. Capturing the essence of motherhood is challenging, as it is like going on an amazing trip down the Amazon and finding blank stares.
Is motherhood harder than fatherhood?
Mothers are more likely than fathers to find parenting tiring and stressful, but both share a sense of enjoyment and reward in parenting. However, parenting can also come with judgment, with mothers feeling more judged by their own parents and their spouse or partner’s parents. This is particularly true for mothers, who are more likely to feel judged by other parents in their community, friends, and online groups. Fathers, on the other hand, are more likely to feel judged by their spouse or partner at least sometimes for how they parent their children.
This highlights the importance of understanding and addressing the challenges and expectations that come with parenting. By addressing these issues, parents can create a more supportive and enjoyable parenting environment for their children.
Which country has the worst pay gap?
Belgium has the most equal pay between genders in OECD countries, with a 1. 1% gender pay gap in 2022. South Korea has the highest gender pay gap, with a 31. 2% difference. The gender pay gap is the difference between median wages of full-time employed men and women. To access all Premium Statistics, a paid Statista Account is required, which includes immediate access to all statistics, source references, and downloads in various formats.
How much is the motherhood penalty?
In 2023, full-time working mothers with children under 18 earned $55, 276, while their male counterparts earned $72, 280, resulting in a monthly loss of $1, 400 or $17, 000 annually for mothers. There is no “penalty” for men in parenthood, but full-time working fathers with children under 18 make roughly 23% more than full-time working men with no children under 18. Bankrate’s 2024 Mental Health and Money Survey found that full-time working mothers with children under 18 are more likely to say money, parenting, and chores/household obligations negatively affect their mental health.
Despite improvements in education and the workplace, women, particularly mothers, still face a pay gap that has shown little improvement over the last 20 years. Bankrate analyzed the median annual earnings among seven groups of full-time working men and women using Census Bureau’s 2023 Current Population Survey.
Is there a fatherhood penalty?
A British trade union report reveals that men do not face a “penalty” as parents, and fathers who work full time receive a wage bonus when they have children. Fathers make roughly 20 more than men without children. However, even when women outearn their husbands, they still bear a heavier load when it comes to caregiving responsibilities, according to a Pew Research Center survey and government data analysis. The gender imbalance in time spent on caregiving persists even in marriages where wives are the breadwinners.
📹 I Don’t Ever Want to be a Mother. Here’s Why.
Huge news, our first ever video is live! This one is personal. We explore my choice to be Childfree and debunk some of the myths …
baby Verity is too adorable! I found this topic interesting because I am a postpartum doula and coach and I specialize in working with business owners and mompreneurs. I love seeing how you set yourself up to take 3 months off while still having a strong income. It is definitely something I see my clients worrying about often and usually then end up taking no time off or go back way earlier than planned which affects their mental health and their performance in both parenting and work. I try to help them find balance with their new roles though.
This is so encouraging! I’m not pregnant, but I’m just thinking ahead. I would definitely like to have another child in the future, and I’d like things to go much more smoothly next time from a financial standpoint. How long did you have the waitlist before you launched the membership site? I have an idea for a digital product, but it will take me awhile to develop. I’m not sure when to actually start telling people about it. Thanks for always creating helpful articles!
I am in a part of my life where I’m finished having babies. But I would like to take extended time off from working and still produce income. I’ve very much enjoyed your website and hearing the way you have launched your product ideas, built your funnels and created passive income. I think they are great. Which I would love to do, but find I’m kind of stopped in the “what of value could I share with people?” I have friends who have done what you are doing on different topics, appealing to different audiences. But have not really been able to land on anything for myself.
Thank you for your content Gillian. I joined the $100K MM and it is a product of excellence. The system you teach, how you teach it, the actionable steps, the sweet balance between learning the concepts and the execution of the tasks, the support system with the coaches and the community, absolutely everything is great. I recommend it a 100%. I wish your content was in Spanish so I could recommend it to other friends and family as well. All this to say as well that I appreciate you and thank God for the talents that he gave you and that you’re being faithful to share them with the world to help people like me as well. I’m excited to bring my product to the world and contribute as well with the advancement of his Kingdom. I pray for you that your life and your family’s life be filled with love, joy, health and blessings, in Jesus name!
Today’s message is about a song by Alan Jackson titled – Angels and Alcohol. Funny title, right.* Personally, I think Alan must have been high on whiskey when he wrote that song. Lmao. So the first verse of the song goes like this… “You can’t mix angels and alcohol I don’t think God meant for them to get along When it takes control, you can’t love no one at all You can’t mix angels and alcohol” Each time I hear that song, I just keep thinking about the line: “I don’t think God meant for them to get along” Just like Angels and Alcohol (according to Alan)…there are things that just won’t go along in this life no matter what. An example that comes to mind is “making money” and “making excuses” I always say you can’t make money and make excuses. You have to pick one and be okay with it. So, which one are you choosing today? Angels or Alcohol? Making money or making excuses? Just one. And be okay with whatever comes out of that choice. Have a great day!
Years ago a newly married colleague asked me when I was going to have children. I told her that I wasn’t going to have children. She stated, with far too much confidence, that when Id been married for a while that I’d change my mind. I took far too much pleasure in saying, “well, I’ve been married for 13 years and am still not going to have any.” She left me alone at that point. I’ve been married for 28 years now and still no children. Guess I knew more about myself than she did.
I never wanted children and confess I relented to the pressure at 37. I absolutely love my kids, but, if I had my life again, then I would listen to my instincts. I’m not a natural mum, I have to work hard at it, I’m an introvert, I like my space, I like quiet, people talk to much, life is very social when you have children and that’s not me. Because I went against my instincts I had to work much harder to be a good mum. Listen to your instincts!
Anne and I did not want to have children. We were married for 52 years without children. We were not alone. She passed away a year and a half ago. Now I understand lonely. Lonely can be quiet and difficult. In my case I found things like You Tube and people like you. You have helped me get through the depression. Thank you.
55 yrs old and childfree. No regrets. My biggest concern was I would be vulnerable when I’m a senior, until I took care of my Mom. I am the youngest of six and stepped forward to take care of my mother when no one else did. Cost me a decade of my life. She died over 10 years ago and I’m still pissed at my siblings. They did NOTHING! Haven’t spoken to them since Dad died. There is no guarantee there will be anyone to take care of you when you’re old. And it should NOT be your children’s responsibility either. That is selfish! I’ve never been bothered by other people’s judgements. They can go pound sand. Cheers to you Eva!
I was told by a very close friend that I would never be a real woman until I had a child. So here I am, traveling the world, in a happy and healthy relationship with a man that also wants to be childfree, being the happiest I’ve ever been, but apparently I’m an ameba 😂 I’ll take ameba over mother any day, as long as it’s under my own worldview!
Women don’t owe this world or anyone any kid/kids, no matter what. Motherhood is Not an Obligation, it’s every woman’s personal choice. Its totally ok to be childfree. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Stay strong ! And yeah, you are not alone. We are with you, myself yet another childfree person. Do not want any kid/kids ever.
When I was about 14 I decided I didn’t want children when I grew up. When I told my Dad he said that it wasn’t my choice to make. The woman made that choice. I thought, Oh, yeah, I’ll just get a vasectomy before I get married! Twenty year later, just before my wife and I got married, I got a vasectomy. We are both now in our 70’s,and we are so happy we made that decision to remain child free. I couldn’t”t imagine what our life would have been with children.
A friend of my husband once told him, “its a blessing if you have children and it’s a blessing if you don’t.” And it’s true, so many responsibilities and life changing things happen when you have kids…my husband and I had 4 we recently lost one of sons, that is the hardest thing a parent can experience, to bury a child. Our son was married and they had no children, not because it was their choice. Families come in all forms, from your friends, to your pets, and life is not defined by how many children you have or didn’t but by how you lived it, how you treated your neighbors or the stranger s in your journey. The kindness and goodness you pass on to the world. Good Luck on your life journey
I’ve really seen the zeitgeist shift on this. As a 40 year old guy who’s never wanted kids I’ve gone from people recoiling in disgust in my 20s to parents now confiding in me that maybe they shouldn’t have had kids. Declaring yourself to be child free reduces your pool of potential partners, but leads to a much happier relationship in the long run. No hate to those with kids; I have friends who are parents who totally love it.
I married and divorced young. Then, around 30, I realized that I did not want children or to live a traditional life. I have lived and traveled abroad most of my adult life, intermittently going back to the US. I’m 50 now and I’ve never regretted not having children. The freedom and all of the amazing experiences I’ve had are priceless! I wouldn’t change a thing. Who care about others’ opinions; live the life you want!
“Who will take care of you when you’re old” Answer-the staff at a nursing home, like my mom, who did geriatric nursing for almost 50 years. She often used to stay after her shifts, even on holidays, to visit with residents on her floor because they were very lonely and family didn’t visit often. And they all had kids and grandkids. She’d hear all the time, “My kids and grandkids went to Aspen for Christmas ” or “My grandkids are at summer camp for 3 months.” So yeah, there’s that.
I almost made the mistake to have a child out of social pressure from women. I’m 40 now and I’m happy I didn’t. Pleasing people has never lead me to happiness or peace. It just leaves me with regret and no one to blame but me. I decided to stop pleasing to be accepted and be conscious about my decision’s and to understand that just because EVERYONE IS DOING THE SAME THING DOESNT MEAN I SHOULD NOR IT BE THE BEST FOR ME ❤️
I knew I didn’t want children when I was 18. I’m now 40. No amount of pressure has changed my mind (as Chinese in ethnicity you can imagine the extreme questioning from aunts & uncles & my mum, including suggesting ivf to pop out a baby to raise by myself). After being adamant that I’m happy being single & child-free, most around me have accepted. My freedom is my most valueable asset in my life which I place above my wealth. Thanks for being brave & publically sharing this, in spite of the pushback from those who don’t understand. I do not judge those who love marriage & kids. Each to their own 🥰
I am 53 and have grandchildren. Knowing what I know now…I maybe would not have had children. The world can be a harsh place at times and raising children is the most difficult thing. I support whatever other’s think is right for them. This culture focuses too much on what you should or should not do with your life. Just live and let live. Life is way to short to not be happy.
The reason other people peer pressure you to have children is because they want you to be as exhausted, ground down and as miserable as they are. There are much better ways to leave behind a legacy, like making art or writing novels. Parents are jealous of the fact that you can sleep for 8 hours and cook a nice meal without being disrupted.
I am a mom of four. However, I am also a wife, friend, colleague, university graduate, literary scholar, teacher, etc. There is so much more, that makes up my peronality, than the number of children, who I birthed. I have always wanted to have children and I feel immensely blessed that I got to have my children. Yet I would never expect anyone to naturally want children, just like I would never expect every single other person to make the same career choices that I made. It’s a very personal choice. I believe that, in an ideal world, every child born should be a child, who is wanted and very much loved. If you don’t feel called to be a parent, don’t have children. It’s that easy. I am sorry that people, who choose to remain child free, face so much judgement. I am wishing nothing but the best for you.
I’m a woman in my late thirties and I also have never wanted children. If anything, my conviction that I don’t want any offspring is stronger now than ever. I thought that if I was ever going to get “the urge” it would start in my mid-thirties just as my biological clock started ticking. But the opposite happened 😛 I am very comfortable with my choice.
My husband and I created the life we LOVE and children would absolutely change all of that. My own mom even said would you like for your life to change completely, I said No, and that was the end of that conversation, she supports me in our decision (my father doesnt), and at the end if the day whose decision is it…mine.
I’m a bit further along on this path. I’m 53 and very happy that I chose a life of travel and adventures over children. Never felt the desire for them in my 20s, 30s or 40s. Don’t regret my choice one bit, especially when I hear friends and colleagues venting about the reality of their child-laden choices. People have stopped asking when, or telling me that I’ll change my mind, but still do love to throw in a bit of “you’ll never understand that level of love”. Maybe not, but they’ll never understand how amazing a life of adventure is …
I’m one of those horrible baby boomers and I chose to not have kids in my 20’s. Instead I worked and travelled. Out of my small circle of friends 3 of us chose not to have children. We also planned to grow old together and be supportive of one another. Now 2 are dead as well as that plan. It gets harder to make friends or find a partner as you age so your world gets smaller as people close to you die or just drift off on another path. I don’t regret not having children or a partner in life. Now I work on facing the end of a beautiful life alone, struggling with the aches and pains old age brings on and trying to live on a fixed income. Lastly, if you live in the US don’t count on the government to be very helpful. Good luck everyone. Cheers!
I’m 41 and I always knew I didn’t want kids and I still have not changed my mind . I’m so happy I didn’t let anyone change my mind and followed my heart . I don’t regret it . I have so much less stress. People with kids have much more stress, less time, more tired, less financially stable and overall way more responsibility. No thanks 😅
Most people have kids because that is what society pushes. I used to want to have kids only because that is what other people wanted for me. You can always adopt or have foster children if you change your mind. Their are a lot of children that were put into the system because their parents did not want them. It is your choice. I have a hard enough time taking care of myself, emotionally, financially, and spiritually. Do not let people make you feel bad.
There is a much bigger issue here (though the childless issue is important too) of People not allowing others to be themselves. Be aware of this and you will see it all the time. just because you think something is “right” should not mean you have to force that upon others, yet so many people try to do exactly that.
The best thing about being 45 is that people have stopped asking me those “questions” for a few years now 😃! It’s so wonderful to be free of them. I love my life. Being a creative person I have focused on creating things, not people! No regrets whatsoever. I admire people who have kids. It’s the toughest job by a long shot!! People should be allowed to follow their instincts even when there’s a lot of pressure from society, family and friends! Having a child is not a decision to be taken lightly!!
Hi Eva. I think this website is a great idea to build community. I’m 57 years old and I had to face the “being single and childless” as a course for a long time. I used to feel bad, desperate and anxious until one day I decided to embraced and everything change in my life. Later I understood my anxiety was more for social pressure, than my inner feeling of having a husband and raising a child. I don’t criticize who wants to get married and have children, but I ask for respect for my decision of not getting married and not having a child. I don’t want to justify, explain, give reasons, not even discussed. It’s my decision and I just want to be respected for that. It is great to be able to share my thoughts about it and realize I’m not the only one. Thank you
I’ve heard them all… selfish, unnatural, no legacy, burden to society…and my favorite malfunctioning. But as soon as i tell them that i chose to serve my country in the military rather than be a mom they shut their pie holes lol! Because they’re not foolish enough to continue to say that to the face of a veteran. And as far as a legacy? Their freedom…that is my legacy.
My wife of almost 28 years now, and I choose to be child-free a very long time ago. We both have had health issues for most of our lives, and this has certainly swayed us to the choice of not having children of our own. We both really like kids and think they are a great thing. It is more than just OK to choose not to have children, for whatever reason you may have.
As a father of 2, I actively push other people I know to consider being Child Free. Kids are a amazing, have changed who I am. But are also very challenging. Expensive. Demanding. And are pretty much the biggest anchor you can ever imagine. Physically, but also emotionally and mentally. You become 100% vulnerable to the life choices of another human, and the odds that that human will go down a destructive path, gets sick, get in an accident, or just be a unlikable asshole despite your best efforts are all very plausible realities, and can be devistating. Childfree should be the default! Please don’t push people into being parents just because… It is gross.
My son is 16 and said no marriage and no kids. I was proud to hear that. I struggled so much I was a teen mom of two and would never wish my issues on my kids. My son said he doesn’t want the issues that comes with marriage he understands vowes and does not take them as mere words, so he said he doesn’t wanna deal with the downs, bad, worse or ugly 😂 So he’s opting out of all of it and this mama is here for it. The world is getting ugly, rent and utilities and everything is getting ugly day by day. And I don’t see it getting any better in the next 10 years. So why even bother with those struggles? School, his hobbies, make money and grow with God and build His relationship with Jesus is all he needs to focus on. I will never kick my son out or push him out the nest. For what? To have to help with bills and downfalls when the economy goes to crap again and again or he loses his job? All that money he would be spending on rent he can invest and build his business and brand. I’m with the child free movement. Yes a mom of two is with the child free movement. But I go even harder. I’m with the sex free movement too. Learning live life without the need to lay down with another person is even more freedom. No heart break, no love pain, and no accident babies that can lead to loss of innocent life. That’s me and my belief and it’s something my son stands firm on also. And no I don’t think he will change his mind. But if he does I’ll be there to support him regardless.
I’ve known I haven’t wanted kids my whole life, lots of the same comments raised in the article have been said to me, but what I have found so incredibly damaging, is when medical professionals (usually older men) tell me that they are limiting my contraceptive choices on the basis that my mind will change or that the ‘biological clock’ will start ticking. It has led to so much pain and difficulty by not allowing me the right to determine my own body. And I’m in the UK, where we don’t typically have draconian rules policing the female body (my heart goes out to you USA).
Thank you for this article. I am 38 and never wanted kids but my husband of 19 years put a lot of pressure on me to have kids for several years now. I have been struggling through massive guilt and uncertainty the last few years but finally just stuck to my guns and told him it wasn’t going to happen. He is miserable, but I feel so, so much relief. I will add that he knew back when we were dating I felt this way but thought I would “change my mind”. I appreciate hearing from other child free people that help validate my feelings. So thanks again. And I appreciate you, Eva. I very much enjoy your website and would love to have similar experiences some day. Much love from Finger Lakes, NY ♡
To have or not to have, you need to be mentally, emotionally and financially prepared…as raising a kid is a life long commitment. I applaud you Eva for your child free choice because the restless spirit in you does not make motherhood an option. What a wonderful way to grow old living in a community amongst friends! Bravo!
I never wanted kids, never felt any maternal instinct real or imagined, I never even wanted a marriage. But I was 19 and in love for the first time when I realised why exactly people want kids. Seeing everything you love in your partner in a little human who loves you unconditionally and is literally unable to live without you is a remedy for all the insecurities, all the fears and doubts you’ve ever had. Safe future, family, fulfilment – these are all just codenames for the fear of loneliness we all carry within us. An irrational fear – because the only time loneliness is a danger is infant years. I consider myself a very independent person. And yet, when I found someone who fell endlessly in love with me I felt a level of comfort I haven’t known before. Suddenly, I could see how this comfort makes people stand in place instead of experiencing their lives to the fullest. The children that come as a way to fix broken relationships or products of social pressure and recklessness are brought up with all that trauma hanging above their heads like dark clouds. They grow up with deep issues they will be fighting for years, all because of the egoism of their parents. Some parents find fulfilment in raising kids. But when there comes a time to let go they don’t know how to or if they do, suddenly, they realise how lost they’ve been this whole time. Eva, you said something very important to me – we are born to be a full person and we don’t need anyone else to make us feel that way. Yes, we are social creatures and yes, we all want love but we won’t find it until we become the best versions of ourselves.
Such a relief to feel validated in my choices. Thank you for voicing this and openly acknowledging something that feels taboo to talk about! I HATE the selfish argument… Like, it’s more selfish to bring children into the world if you’re not 100% sure you even want to have them. Love this new website, can’t wait to see more articles!
I’m 56 and child free. I remember telling my friends I didnt want kids or to get married when I was 6. It was not easy. The years I felt the most pressure was my early 20’s, mid 30’s and my 40’s. The 40’s were the sympathy reactions of, “oh Im sorry” or “how sad”. Now that I look back. I am sooo thankful I stayed true to myself. It is important to note that my reasons for not wanting kids were many. It wasnt just the lack of desire. As to those who believe these decsions are selfish, I say quite the contrary. It is one of the most selfless things a person can do.
I love that the community of childfree individuals is starting to be be heard and be seen. In my mid thirties now and happily married and childfree. It would have been so helpful to have been surrounded and supported in making my childfree choice when I was younger, so it brings me hope that the louder we get about our decisions the more helpful this will be for the younger generation of people considering their choices. ❤
I’m 32 and have been childfree since before I was a teen. My whole life I’ve heard, “You’ll change your mind.” I just recently got permanently sterilized, and now suddenly everyone is saying, “Well, you can always adopt.” It’s maddening. These people are so unimaginative that they literally cannot wrap their heads around the simple concept that not everyone wants to have kids, no matter how those kids come to be. It’s like when I say “I don’t want kids,” people hear “I don’t want them right now,” and I’ve even had a few people hear “I wish I could have them, but I’m unable to.” I’m honestly just so at the end of my rope with anyone who doesn’t hear my words, see my actions and take me seriously.
Thank you for sharing, Eva! As a young single childfree female that recently got sterilized, I can wholeheartedly agree with everything that’s been said. Except for one thing: we do not need to give excuses and go out of our way to “leave” a legacy. Most people go through life leading average lives and that’s completely fine! It makes it seem like we need to go far and beyond everyone else who has children to make sure that our voices as childfree individuals are also heard. That’s all I wanted to add. Thank you!
I am 41 and my wife is 36; we are much happier without any kids. All we see around us are those that chose to have kids, are ABSOLUTELY MISERABLE. We’re done arguing with our parents over this and they are slowly beginning to understand us more because they see my wife’s sister go through absolute hell raising 2 kids now being so dependent on family support while being totally miserable. Everyone should be left alone to do what makes them happy. We never tell anyone to have kids or be childless. It’s up to the individual and/or couple.
So good to hear other women say the same things I’ve been thinking for years. I don’t want to have kids and yet whenever I’ve mentioned it to people, they respond with “you’ll change your mind”, “life without kids is boring”, “you’ll be alone when you’re old with no one”. I bite my lip and don’t typically respond to these comments because I feel like a lot of people follow a linear path in life where you follow tradition and do the same thing that people have been doing around you. But looking at some of our friends that are parents, that have defined their life in this “parent role”, I wonder, do people have kids for themselves or because they truly want children? Im happy knowing that I don’t want kids and your website and all the women in this movement are making me feel less alone in this thought. Thank you, Eva.
After 6 years of marriage, we finally had a child. Shortly thereafter, my wife was hospitalized and diagnosed as psychotic. When hw was 7 I became a single parent. My life was centered around raising him, work, scouts, school, violin lessons and when he graduated and went off to college and got married i was alone. I had a friend with four kids but their dad had run off. She died of ovarian cancer when the youngest was 12. Two of the kids then lived with me until they were 18. That was a few years ago. I’ve been alone since. None of them are having kids. So now I’m helping an older kid overseas.
My main reason to be childfree is because I KNOW for a fact that the child will experience something negative, something awful and it WILL be your fault in a sense. You could/can do EVERYTHING right but there’s always a chance your kid could be born bad (Nature beating Nurture) or you can make one mistake too many and make them upset (Nurture beating Nature), it will happen because that’s life….and you gave them that. They will experience your death and either it’ll be a thankless shrug (or worse satisfaction) or one of the deepest losses and pains that you wouldn’t wish on your enemies. If you don’t want someone to experience the horrible things of life, don’t bring them into it. Think of their life + yours before they have a chance to have it.
So, I chose to remain childless. Now that I am 46 and starting menopause I do feel the pain of never having a child. All my peers are becoming grandparents and that is an inner ache of sorts for me. I do wonder what my old age is going to look like. As far as family goes, I just have my elderly mom and I am terrified of being completely alone soon. It’s a really complex issue. People should have the freedom to make their own choices. I would have been a horrible parent in my 20s and 30s…so…everything happens for a reason
Thanks for talking about this. I had convinced myself that it was me who wanted a kid after years of pressure from basically everyone in my life. I knew my husband wanted one, but he was the sole person who didn’t put pressure on me. So I had one, and it was as miserable as I was scared it would be. Then there was an unexpected pregnancy and I ended up with two and severe depression quickly followed that lasted for two years before I started fighting to get out of it. While I do love them tremendously and wouldn’t say I “regret” them, it’s incredibly important that this message gets out because it’s not for everyone; parenting is extremely hard as it is and if you put yourself into a situation you’re not 100% on board with it can lead to so many negative things. Thankfully I’ve recently made peace with my life as it is and have begun truly enjoying them and their company (them being more independent and less reliant on me has gone a LONG way haha). But I do wish there had been a community I could’ve gone to for support when I was younger to feel safe and really explore my true feelings on the issue. Can’t wait to hear your future topics!
Thank you soooo much for this. My colleagues with kids and older relatives keep telling me I’ll change my mind and have been for years – in reality, my resolve to remain child free has only solidified even more. I simply don’t feel maternal or anything at all really for children, and hearing my colleagues with kids speak about their lives and complain, which in most cases is related to their lives as parents, sounds utterly miserable to me. It doesn’t align at ALL in any point with what I want in life.
I don’t have children. I’m 58 and have been happily married for 30 years. My husband and I never wanted kids in our whole life. I never had a baby doll as a child. I had teddy bears. My husband and I have a lot of love in our little home. We have dogs and each other. We have his extended family. My side of the family was so dysfunctional that I cut them off years ago. I am happy with my decision not to have kids and so is he. P.S. I have had a lot of harassment for my decision, especially when I was in my mid to late 30s. My husband has not.
I’ve was ambivalent about having kids when I was married. My wife wanted to have children so I agreed. She got pregnant and miscarried twins just before they would have been viable human beings. I thought that this would cause her to rethink childbirth and it did for several years. When she decided to try again I fought half heartedly but finally gave in figuring that if she wanted to try again I wasn’t the person to say no. Now at 73 i can look back at all the happiness that our daughter has brought my wife and i wouldn’t trade it for anything.I’m proud of our daughter and the relationship that she has with us. Many of our friends raised children that were less than stellar but we lucked out. In hindsight i made the correct decision. BTW, our daughter. Is 40 and belongs to the i don’t plan on having children society. Good luck on your journey.
My parents always say to me – “study hard, find a good job and work hard, marry and have a lot of children”. But this was society’s prejudice and this did not make me happy. So I choose to take my own path as I am a rebel. Some people have come to the conclusion that there is a price to pay for your choices and you have to pay it in order to be happy…But the price to pay is to be at ease, not to struggle.
In your youth, don’t make any decisions based on the idea that you will have “regrets” for missing out on something. Don’t live your life based on how you will feel when you are old. Old age is not the summation of a life, it’s just another phase. For most old people, the less they have to worry about, the fewer people they have to support, the better. Comfort becomes more important than stimulation. The things that once motivated you will no longer matter. Having children means taking a huge risk. If you’re lucky, your child will be viable, but think of all the possible genetic combinations that are possible. You think you’re having another you or reproducing your spouse, but that child will be his or her own person and may never see life through your eyes. Your child becomes a hostage to the world the minute he or she is born. Training a child to be able to live in this world is a major undertaking. As REM puts it “Not everyone can carry the weight of the world.”
Another benefit to being introverted and mostly anti-social…I don’t feel I have ever experienced social pressure to have kids. 🤷🏻♀️ When I was young I didn’t perceive people asking me as pressure, just making conversation. I was always the babysitter, nanny, and teenager to entertain the kids at gatherings. So, I knew how much work kids are from a young age. 😂 I did want kids when I was young (20’s) but life had other plans and I ended up divorced (multiple times) eventually realizing I was gay at 35. By then I knew I didn’t want kids anymore, for me it felt too late. The older I get the happier I am that I am free to spend my time how I wish. I have kids that live in another family (the kids I nannied) and that’s enough for me. I stay in touch with their mom but not them directly…they don’t really remember me and that’s ok. There are so many opportunities in life you have to choose what you want. Because there certainly isn’t time to do it all. ❤
I am so glad I clicked. Thank you! I am 47 and have NEVER had even the slightest desire to have my own snot gobbler. I have also seen a friend go into this crazy baby fever and when the kid was born, it was a hard birth and the child is a little different from average. She is now disillusioned and never talks abt her son to anyone. It’s the elephant in the room. I left Europe in 2014 and made the mistake of getting married. I still don’t want offspring and will not relinquish any control over that to anyone ever. No discussion. If i have to, I will abstain. That’s how important that is to me. The thought of becoming pregnant makes me physically ill/angry its alien to me. I have seen no positives that would make up for the awful way having offspring changes you as a person. My mother committed suicide because she enmeshed herself with me and I left Europe for the US. I only just found that out/understand that now. Apparently she really believed it was my duty to care for her for ever and ever. And you are right. I honesty am pissed! I never even thought of it that way! But it’s true. That is waaay more selfish than the BS breeders always give you when you tell them you’re not having kids.
I always knew, that I never want to have children. I used to state that opinion as a child, as a teenager and as an adult. The reactions were different, depending on my age, but they always discredited my feelings/opinions in some way. Sometimes I was too young, sometimes I just haven’t found the “right one” and so on. Even now (Im almost 30) people use to lecture me on how wonderful and fulfilling children are and what i will miss in my life without them…little do they know that I had a sterilization back in 2021 to be absolutely safe that my body doesnt create a baby (which would be an absolute nightmare for me). And I am happier than ever, because I finally feel in sync with my body. However, I do feel that all this glorification of parenthood, be it in society or online, is fueling this state of mind that a life without children is somehow less. So, I am always happy when people with a big reach are talking about that. Maybe it will help to understand, that not everyone wants children and people like me don’t see that as a loss, on the contrary.
So excited for this! I too, am not going to be a mom! This is exactly the kind of discussion I need to have with other women who also don’t want to be mom’s! There’s nothing wrong with us! Women are more than just a womb to deliver babies into this world. We can be adventurers, and explorers, and we can take on the role of a mom with all the beautiful children we encounter along our journey. It’s a big responsibility to raise children, and with the pressures from society to get married, have children, it’s nice to encounter women who don’t choose that life path for themselves. There’s nothing wrong with a woman, not wanting babies! You see it in nature all the time. Cats rejecting their kittens, hens that abandon their chicks, it’s natural for some woman to not want to rear children. More power to you Eva! Glad you addressed this topic.
As a 60 year old man who has never wanted children. In my twenties everyone would ask when will you get married and have kids, and really I always thought that would happen even though it was something I never wanted. In my 20’s a few relationships failed because i didn’t want kids. In my 30’s I would tell people I never wanted kids and they just said “oh that will change”, it never did. I met my long term partner in my mid 30’s and she never wanted kids so this one has lasted. When we got together everyone kept saying we should start a family before it was too late. roll on through to your fifties and people just stop asking anymore. Now almost hitting our 60’s and happily retired people now just ask if we have kids and seem shocked we don’t.
Same here I’m 32 and dislike/don’t want kids but, my younger brother and, I is the last men in our family to care on our last name and, it upsets me and, my family, my mom and, dad has been running me crazy wanting a grandchild for years plus my grandpa needs our last name to be cared on he says I mean understand and, yes It hurts me inside and, on the other hand… My brother and, I own a heating-air company in north Alabama so we are so busy with life we love our company I worked my ass off for 14 years to get my license and I’m killing it atm! On the other hand we love the freedom of not answering to no one plus I hate the feeling of needing/loving/missing someone but I do miss cuddling and movie nights/dates but goodness I love being a freeman. My brother and I live together in our dream house/farm house and land with cows and our own little farm we honestly are living our dream! I’m so thankful proud of everything my brother and I have done so honestly a woman is the last thing on our mind! Sorry for such a long life story but a back story/story telling is why I love everything you do your life is amazing and tells a story ever article I watch that’s why I love your articles your one of my favorite youtubers your life is so amazing I look up to you so much I envy you a lot! Just be safe please you scary me from some of the place you stay alone at but…. Ok I’ll hush Thank you for being you!
Great article, I’m so glad you’ve started this series Eva! I grew up assuming I would have kids one day. However, since I began using art to explore and express myself, I have created space to listen to my inner world, and to shed societal beliefs that don’t resonate with me. Now, aged 32, I realise that kids aren’t actually something I want. And I’m content with that. Thank you for being a powerful, influential voice for our generation, you continue to inspire and motivate me to be more authentically me! Looking forward to seeing more of this series!
Good to hear this topic being spoken on more and more! I myself definitely want children, but see friends that don’t struggling with the questions/presumptions/insults you explained in this article. I have also noticed that this topic can make people doubt friendships because of the supposedly different lifestyle parents and non parents get. I wholeheartedly support being more open about the topic so it’s making everybody comfortable with choosing their own path.
Great beginning Eva! I agree with you wholeheartedly! Let’s just let people be who they are and not impose all these crazy societal and family expectations on everyone! Not only do I not have kids, I am also single at heart. That is another choice that can be controversial! There are many people who are just happier single. In regard to kids, I like them. I spent 32 years working as a school psychologist and worked to help a few thousand kids do better in school and life. So I feel I did my part for the next generation and society. As much as I liked helping kids, I never really wanted to go home to them and be responsible for them 24/7! I admire those who do and do it well. I think most women become exhausted raising kids, running a household, and working full time, very often with little help from a partner! That was not my dream. And as a school psychologist I would also say that I met many parents who had little interest in or skill in being parents, to the great detriment of their children. That was sad! I am very concerned that the freedom of choice women have had in controlling whether the had kids through birth control and abortion is under serious threat in the US and other countries. That will make this choice in life harder. I think this is happening partially because some people fear the freedom women have been given! I have more thoughts, but better stop there!
Eva!!!! Every time you speak on this issue it gives me life.. and it reminds me of my reasons to be child free.. Right now, at 36 I keep hearing.. that I don’t understand marriage, commitment, and traditions.. and even that I will change my mind.. or the how will you leave your mark.. I feel full, happy and proud of the life I have. Thank you for making this article 💛
If I could go back and I would choose not to have a kid. The society romantisize way way to much the role of being a mother. And the funny thing is I live in a very liberal province of Canada, but even here, even if it’s not bound to religion or traditionnal role, it is promoted. I love my daughter, I’ll do anything for her. I made so many sacrifices, because I raised her all by myself (she’s 21 now). Those sacrifices made me lose myself, who I really am and made me gave up on so many dreams. Some persons feel complete with kids, but for me it way the oposite. Some people say the love of a child is priceless, but for me, it cost my core, my essence. So don’t worry, you are not alone and don’t give to society’s pressure.
I know exactly how you feel,growing up in Sydney and with all my friends around me getting married and having kids I always got asked when will I get married and have kids,I felt like all my friends got married and had kids because everyone else was getting married and having kids.I have never been one to do something because everyone else is doing it,now 43 and still not married and no kids and still no intentions of having kids and totally still fine with it..
Well, I’m 24 years old and I always knew that I didn’t want to have kids, I don’t even think I will bother getting married, but maybe I will do that if someday I meet someone who makes me that happy to the point where I can handle being with them for a long time, but I still don’t don’t really view marriage as something that important. Still when it comes to kids I know 100% that I don’t want any, not now, not even after finding a good person to be with. I never liked kids, nothing about them makes me go “Ahh, that’s so cute!” blah blah, obviously I don’t enjoy seeing them get hurt or be miserable, I’m not a psychopath. But I don’t view them as something that I need nor I feel good while interacting with them, I can’t handle chaos, noise, and all the things that come with children normally. I’m not the type of person who will get excited over seeing a co-worker bringing their baby to work and showing off in front of others, I don’t care, good for them, but it’s not my issue. I even can’t bring myself to like my older brother’s kids, I’m just not that type of “normal” woman everyone wants me to be, and I don’t see what’s wrong with it, I don’t go around doing crimes, or harming others…etc so why others treat me like a freak?! I even had a discussion with my mother when she started comparing me to another girl who got married while still 22 (Aka still a college student), and said she feels jealous and upset that am not married yet, and that fucking angered me, I told her that she shouldn’t expect me to produce grandkids nor get married ever, and that she shouldn’t get mad over it since she already have two, a granddaughter and grandson, so she got it all.
Congratulations Eva for your new website ! 🥳 I always wanted kids. In fact, my biggest dream was to have twins ! 🤣 I always thoughts that planning a baby was the result of a wonderful love story with a very special man who would become the father of my kids. However, life had special plans for me and things didn’t quite happen this way. 🤣 I got married at 21 and divorced at 24 with no kids. 🤪 Then, I lived 12 years as a single woman desperately looking for the right man, the right father. But, I didn’t find him … 🤪😁 At 36, I decided to become a single mom and have a baby « alone »! Some people told me I was selfish to make a baby just for me. So what ?!?! Isn’t selfish for a couple to decide to have kids …? 🤣 There is zero baby who come to life because he/she decided to exist … 😃 We are ALL selfish and it’s ok ! An ex boyfriend was amazing enough to accept to make a baby with me. Most importantly, WE agreed this baby will be MY baby and this ex boyfriend would not be part of this baby’s life. We had sex once, I got pregnant immediately, he came to see me and my belly about 1 month before the birth. I had THE BEST pregnancy EVER ! 🥳 My ex boyfriend came to visit only once, when my son was 3 months old and we never saw each other ! 😬 We both decided not to be part of each other lives even if I wanted to child to know where he came from ! Because life if full of surprises, 2 months later, I met a WONDERFUL man !
I love my children but having them has taken away all my dreams for myself and my life. I’ am a Mom and it hasn’t given me a choice to be anything else. Oh and that comment, “Who will take care of you when you are old” they won’t! They are so full of themselves to take time out to visit let alone take care of you. You have to take care of YOU.
Damn – I thought I was the only one that thought like this! I spent many years thinking having kids was the ‘right’ thing to say and aim for as culturally, saying the opposite was met with disapproval, after rebuilding my life – there’s just SO MANY other things out there to explore and discover, it’s pretty liberating to be able to admit this, thank you Eva
The norm to have children is originally linked to the family based society, typically farming based economies, having many to secure that some would survive to adulthood. In today’s society, family is so more often about preference and own wishes. So the norm to have kids from the start was “selfish” if you will, to sustain the business.
This article is really important! I’m in my late 30’s, and I have never wanted a child. I live in a relatively small town where the norm is, you either move to study, or stay and start a family. My view as a man is almost unheard of. Let a lone finding someone who want to stay and live here, but not start a family. There is another point to be made: Not everyone is able to “get a child”. It has to be so depressing hearing the question over and over, and not even being able to produce a baby.
The topic of kids is still such a big question mark for me.. Up until my late teens/early twenties I assumed I would have children at some point. But then I started questioning – why? Did I really want kids, or was this just an expectation engrained in my mind by society, from as young as I could remember? I still don’t have the answer. But I definitely think we need to destigmatize being child-free, people shouldn’t be half-heartedly popping out babies just because it’s too taboo to not have them PS. if I don’t have kids I would love to join you in your commune
I´m 23, asexual, never wanted children and suffer from Adenomyosis. This illness causes a lot of pain for roughly 2 weeks every months. Because of that I want a hysterectomy, but the doctors just tell me that I can´t do that, because I´m too young to know what I want. If I wanted to get a child instead, no one would say such a thing. It is so important that society learns to acceot child-free woman and not demonize them.
So sorry I didn’t see this website when it first went up, I absolutely love it! These kinds of topics are so interesting and we need to have more conversations and less debates imo. As for children, I’m a mother because it’s what I wanted, but my own mother was just checking off a list to be “successful” and never should have had me. People never think about how it’ll effect the kids when they’re adults. Without getting to deep into things, I have PTSD, my dad did 10yrs for pedophilia and she’d still be in prison if anyone had noticed what she was doing to me. I’ll be disabled for the rest of my life, largely because of her. Please, please, please don’t ever have children to make someone else happy. Even if you’re a wonderful loving person, your kids will be able to tell you aren’t happy and that’s always gonna mess a kid up at least a little bit.
It may sound selfish. But I love the fact that I can simply pack up and leave on a whim whenever I feel the need. Now if i had children I couldn’t do that without major guilt. Yes Im sure there are benefits with children, but trust me I find the benefits of not having any far more desireable especially when speaking with friends with kids and a family.
As a childfree man, I get those questions and comments which include the following… 1. “You’ll change your mind!!!” 2. “You’re missing out!!!” 3. “You’re selfish!!!” 4. “Who’s gonna take care of you when you’re old?” 5. “You’ll regret it when you’re 60!!!” 6. “What about your legacy, bloodline and last name?” 7. “You must hate children!!!” 8. “You could always adopt!!!” 9. “Who hurt you?”
You can’t address this issue honestly without offending people. Discussing statistics like the relationship between number of children and intelligence. Discussing the biological pressures of procreating and having children. Then try and contrast applying the exact same logic to different subject matters. If you approach this subject matter honestly you won’t make a lot of friends. Like how many people have children for purely selfish reasons?
Me and my wife are childfree aswel and I can relate to a lot of things you talk about. I have been in multiple discussions with co-workers about not wanting children. Also it took over 5 years for my dad to accept that me and my wife didn’t want children. And I think it is great you brought this topic up because it should be “normal ” to not want kids. We do not need to defend our choices to anyone.
I feel exactly the same. motherhood does not entice me in anyway whatsoever. I have no desire to raise children. And I don’t want to sacrifice all of my personal time for self-care for a child for 18 years. I’ve got nieces and nephew, and I already have experienced mild anxiety just worrying about them. Do I want to have my own child that I will literally worry about for the rest of their life? No thanks.
Thanks for this article! I am childfree myself) and fortunately I haven’t met too many questions “when are you having kids?” Occasionally I would hear smth like that from my mom or a random person, just assuming that I am gonna go down this path. I am always straightforward in these cases — politely saying that I am not comfortable when they talk about me having kids and stating that I choose not to have kids (no tension or getting angry at all). I just think that many people are trying to validate their own choice by putting it on everyone else.
Good exploration of the subject. My sister is a “no kids” girl. I have to mention, however, that those of us who only have ONE child (and never planned to have any more) are also subject to social pressure. “Oh, your child will be lonely,” “it’s selfish not to have more children,” “your child will be spoiled,” etc. etc. etc. It never ends … you just have to “do you” and not pay attention to what other people THINK you should do!
The “when are you going to have kids” question drives me mad! I am childless by choice, I want kids eventually but not now, and people can’t seem to wrap their heads around that. I have friends who are childless not by choice because they are having trouble conceiving and this question just twists the knife into an already raw wound. I think the term “childfree” is completely appropriate. I don’t have kids yet because I am not ready to give up my freedom. I totally understand not wanting kids ever. Another thing I’ll never understand is how difficult it is for women to have access to sterilization. There are so many testimonies of women being refused a procedure because “they might meet someone who wants kids one day”. I was surprised by the “you’re going to lead to the extinction of the human race” reaction! The planet is already overpopulated and we’re killing it so it doesn’t really sound like a bad thing to me XD
I feel so much freedom in being able to choose where my attention goes. I dislike the idea of the necessity and obligation of my attention to a source where I knew wouldn’t always want it. Lol I have a sibling who has regrets on raising children and takes breaks in the car driveway for a few minutes alone. She fears she hasn’t had time to figure out what truly makes her happy in life, career, and partner. I feel attention is necessary to self before anyone else. We require it more than the attention anyone can give us.
Eva, I’ve been following your mainly website..with great joy..and only just realized you have this one too! (11 months after you launched it 🤣) This topic rings really true with me and I’m so glad you chose to speak about it in this article! I’m a 51 year old woman, so beyond my child bearing years, but when I was younger, people quite often made me feel like there was something wrong with me for not wanting kids. And I believed it. It weighed heavily on me for literally decades. It also made me feel very isolated. All my friends were getting married and starting families and suddenly I realized we didn’t have as much in common as we used to. Anyway.. hooray for menopause! .. and getting to a place in my life where I care a lot less about other peoples opinions 😁. Thanks again for the commentary! You’re awesome ❤️
Thanks Eva. Instead of explaining, why I don’t want to have children, I will share this article instead in the future. So tired of ppl telling me, I will change my mind. I never have. I like kids. I just don’t to have them. Just because I am a woman, doesn’t mean, I have to do it. It’s my frickin decision, not anybody elses.
Sheeesh, I am so late to finally watch this article but you could not have said it better. Thank you for this. I have always been like you (for many of the same reasons) and since becoming an environmentalist the climate crisis is yet another reason for me not to. I am happy for everyone who finds happiness in parenthood, however that looks for them, but I hope they will also be happy for me and my path. My childfree path. I wrote an article some months ago about being the “death of my family”, as the only person in my generation and I ended it with these words: “Some raise children, so they can walk the Earth after them. Others create the Earth so that children can walk on it. Both are worthy, both are important. My family tree might not be extended after me. But the strength of my ancestors, the resilience of my grandmother and her sisters, the ambition of my father, the joy of my uncle, and the kindness of my mother will flow into the plants I seed, the animals I care for, and the people I welcome into my life. The love I give, in whatever shape or form, will continue on because death is simply a transformation into something new.”
I’m a mom of two “oops babies”. I LOVE my babies and being a parent but I will always actively encourage my friends to constructively think about if they really want to have children and not treat it as a compulsory choice. I have an ex-friend who’s baby we’re trying to get removed from her. She’s a terrible mother and resents him so much, yet won’t let him go because she needs a way to stroke her ego. Kids aren’t accessories and not everyone should be a parent.
This is such an important conversation! Thank you for making this article and for sharing your thoughts and the thoughts of your guests ♥ I’m 38, childfree, I love drawing and traveling and I’m happy ♥ And this quote is pure gold: ‘There are so many things that people give birth to that are not human babies’
Before perusal the entire article, I felt I wanted to comment first. I’ve always been great with kids. Even as a boy, I was great with younger kids. I’m nearly 60 now, and can still be in a grocery store line and make a stranger’s kid giggle. When I was in my early 20s, I felt the pressure of having children, so I got married and started down that track. The best thing about that marriage was that she changed her mind about wanting children. After the divorce, and for a whole host of reasons, I also knew I no longer wanted children, but this decision wasn’t just at a conscious level, it was at a genetic level. As I became more aware of the world around me (thanks to the internet), my world view morphed into a more realistic view. With that, my reply to kid pushers became, “My children would have deserved to live on this planet, but the societies on this planet wouldn’t have deserve my children.” Thanks for putting out this website, Eva. This will be a lot of fun. <3