Emotional intelligence is a crucial aspect of human behavior, encompassing various skills such as emotional awareness, self-management, empathy, and organizational awareness. These skills enable individuals to build meaningful relationships with others and develop a stronger understanding of themselves and others. Social skills, such as active listening, verbal and nonverbal communication, and persuasiveness, are essential for effective communication and collaboration.
Emotional intelligence was first coined in the 1990s by psychologist and author R Trigueros, who popularized the term in the same year. Social skills are essential for managing one’s and others’ emotions effectively, connecting, and working with others. Empathy is a key component of social skills, as it allows individuals to recognize and understand their own feelings.
A study by R Trigueros 2020 found a positive association between emotional intelligence and social skills, while a negative association existed. Social skills serve as the bridge between the internal world of emotions and the external realm of interactions, encompassing a range of abilities such as leadership, change, building trust, effective communication, collaboration, and cooperation.
In the world of Emotional Intelligence and Social Skills, the ability to recognize and understand one’s own feelings plays a key role. By focusing on these skills, individuals can better navigate and manage various social situations, ultimately leading to greater success and personal growth.
📹 What is Emotional Intelligence?
Many of humanity’s greatest problems stem not from a shortfall of technical or financial intelligence, but what we term emotional …
What does lack of social skills look like?
Social skills are not just about being social, but also about understanding and following social rules. People may struggle with conversation, appearing out of sync, or behave in a way that turns off others. These difficulties can make it difficult to fit in, form friendships, and work with others. People may avoid interacting and feel isolated. The reasons for social skills difficulties can be temporary or part of larger, lifelong challenges. However, there are ways to build social abilities to improve connections and interactions.
What are the 5 social emotional learning skills?
CASEL’s Social and Emotional Learning (SEL) framework outlines five areas of competence: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship skills, and responsible decision-making. These competencies can be taught and applied at various developmental stages, from childhood to adulthood, across diverse cultural contexts. Self-awareness involves understanding one’s emotions, thoughts, and values, recognizing strengths and limitations, and demonstrating confidence and purpose.
It also involves integrating personal and social identities, identifying personal, cultural, and linguistic assets, identifying emotions, demonstrating honesty and integrity, linking feelings, values, and thoughts, examining prejudices and biases, experiencing self-efficacy, having a growth mindset, and developing interests and a sense of purpose.
What are social skills for emotional intelligence?
Emotional intelligence skills, including active listening, verbal and nonverbal communication, and persuasiveness, are crucial for building meaningful relationships and understanding others. These skills are also important in the workplace, where managers can benefit from using social skills to build connections with employees and workers can develop strong rapport with leaders and co-workers. To improve social skills, ask open-ended questions, notice others’ social skills, practice good eye contact, active listening, show interest, use icebreakers, and watch body language.
What is social emotional intelligence?
Social and emotional intelligence is the awareness of one’s feelings in the present moment, which is crucial in academic settings for effective communication, group work, and impulse control. Students with this skill are better behaved and have a more positive attitude, as emotions affect intellectual processes. Social-emotional intelligence consists of specific components, including thoughts, actions, and feelings about oneself, which are intertwined and provide instructions in specific components.
What are considered social emotional skills?
An SEL program teaches communication, assertiveness, and problem-solving skills to create a healthy work environment and improve public health and safety. It also equips individuals from childhood to adulthood with tools to build positive relationships, control emotions, and express empathy. Research is crucial in developing a comprehensive social-emotional learning curriculum, ensuring a supportive and successful work environment.
What are the 4 C’s of social and emotional learning?
The “Four Cs” (Creativity, Critical Thinking, Communication, and Collaboration) are crucial competencies for 21st-century learners. These skills are inseparable and can be learned, taught, and implemented in any classroom. Communication and Collaboration are fundamental life skills that students can develop in their everyday experiences, shaping their ability to live, connect, and work well in the future.
What are empathy and social skills?
Empathy is a crucial skill for students to develop, as it helps them build strong relationships and navigate social situations effectively. It involves understanding and sharing the emotions of others, even when we haven’t experienced the same situation ourselves. This blog post explores a no-prep activity to help students practice empathy, followed by discussion questions, related skills, and next steps to continue fostering this essential social-emotional ability.
In this role-playing activity, students are divided into pairs, with one acting as the person experiencing an emotion and the other as a friend trying to understand and empathize with their feelings. They are provided with a scenario describing a situation where one person is feeling an emotion, and the student playing the friend should ask their partner questions to understand their feelings better and offer support.
What are social cues in emotional intelligence?
This blog post discusses the importance of emotional intelligence, a crucial aspect of our overall well-being and success in life. It highlights the role of social cues, such as facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice, in understanding and interpreting others’ emotions. The post introduces fun and engaging social cue games that can enhance social skills, promote empathy, and foster self-awareness and self-regulation. Social cues are non-verbal signals used to communicate and understand others’ emotions and intentions, such as facial expressions, body language, gestures, and tone of voice.
These cues provide context and help interpret underlying emotions in conversations or interactions. The games aim to enhance social skills, promote empathy, and foster self-awareness and self-regulation.
What is lack of social skills in emotional intelligence?
Emotional intelligence is crucial for personal and professional success, as it contributes to better relationships, decision-making, workplace intelligence, job satisfaction, and overall mental well-being. It is essential for individuals to recognize and understand their own emotions, which can lead to impulsivity or unpredictable reactions. Additionally, it helps regulate emotions, preventing mood swings or emotional numbness. Lack of empathy can result in a perceived lack of caring or insensitivity.
Poor social skills, such as communication and active listening, can also hinder emotional intelligence. Lastly, it is essential for individuals to build and maintain relationships, as it can lead to feelings of isolation or loneliness. Developing emotional intelligence is essential for positive leadership, solid processes, and good team dynamics, as it helps identify present needs and adjust for future success.
What are the 4 pillars of social emotional learning?
The Emotional and Social Competency Inventory (ESCI) is a personality test developed by Daniel Goleman, Richard Boyatzis, and the Korn Ferry Hay Group, focusing on four key pillars: self-awareness, social awareness, self-management, and relationship management. It is most effective when data is not self-reported, especially when used to assess organizational emotional intelligence. The ESCI helps assess social-emotional skills essential for creating a trauma-informed workplace, including conflict management, empathy, awareness, adaptability, and teamwork, all categorized into the four “pillars” of emotional intelligence.
📹 6 Steps to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence | Ramona Hacker | TEDxTUM
Sometimes emotions don’t make sense, and sometimes being emotional doesn’t mean you’re emotionally intelligent. Growing up …
The conversation here has taken a fascinating turn (fascinating for us at least): we see a lot of comments that want to suggest that emotional intelligence does not exist/has been made up/is not a thing. We assume that what people mean by this is that science, especially neuroscience, cannot clearly identify a separate part of the mind that can be referred to as Emotional Intelligence. This is perhaps very true. But it somewhat bypasses our point. We’re not looking for scientific validation, we’re simply pointing out certain emotional faculties which can be more or less developed in people – and can be fostered by a good surrounding culture. We’re surprised too at the line of argument that suggests that the idea of Emotional Intelligence was invented by ‘stupid’ people to make themselves feel better about not having achieved anything. This seems unnecessarily harsh – because achievement comes in many forms and the ability to understand human nature is as valid a pursuit as the ability to (for example) play basketball or cook well.
I’d like to think my level of emotional intelligence is quite high, and in result of that, I’m rarely ever mad at someone, nor do I hate anyone, because I understand that hurt people usually hurt people. That’s not to justify destructive behaviour or bullying, but to understand that these are people who need help, not punishment. I genuinely believe people with this mindset are a lot happier and a lot less resentful than others that thrive off of hate. A friend of mine said studying psychology has completely changed how she reacts to people and their behaviours because of her in depth understanding of the human mind and emotions.
I never knew how to put it to words until now. My whole life, I’ve never been “book smart.” I’m rather unintelligent in most areas, and I’m very self conscious about it. Like I could never understand politics, history, and mathematics to the extent that most people around me could. BUT, I’ve always been very introspective and able to understand and interpret emotions that other people, around me at least, have struggled to grasp. I’ve been fortunate enough to help a lot of people in my life because of my high “emotional intelligence”, or whatever you wanna call it.
Emotional intelligence is simply another name for maturity, wisdom, and empathy. It is so important to be able to control and understand your own emotions as well as understanding other’s emotions. I don’t care what you call it, it’s more important than we realise because consciously and subconsciously — whether we’d like to admit it or not — we’re to a large extent ruled by our emotions and conditioning and recognising and understanding this is the key to living a fulfilling life and having fulfilling relationships with others — oh, and to prevent us from acting upon these things and doing stupid things.
Emotional Intelligence is not to be mistaken as having simply to do with emotions and working with emotions. This intelligence is the capacity to integrate our experiences, and to gain thus a more complete picture of life in every moment. It requires awareness, attention, discipline and freedom to respond to the requirements of the present and not simply following the patterns acquired in the past.
I feel that I have high emotional intelligence. I lost my dad at 15, and geeze there’s a long list of regrets already at that age. I learned to keep the regret list short and not jump to conclusions about angry, sad, or even happy people. We are all together in this life as human beings, so why not work as a team to help those in need.
This website has honestly helped me acquire emotional intelligence. It helped me sympayhise with other people, and have better relationships with people, since I can now interpret the real, hidden meaning behind their actions. I am forever thankful to you, The School of Life, for changing my perception in certain areas in my life, and therefore helping me lead a better, more peaceful life where I am at ease with myself and others.
Emotional intelligence is subject to widespread denial because our culture idolizes the tough guys, and empathy is seen as weakness. We are so fond of grouping ourselves into “our people” versus “the others” that we can’t open ourselves to other people’s feelings and cultures, for fear that we would lose our justification for feeling superior to them.
I don’t understand why people are saying “emotional intelligence doesn’t exist”. Intelligence means to be highly knowledge in a certain area, but who’s to say you can only be intelligent on facts or mathematics. You can easily be more susceptible and sympathetic when it comes to people’s feelings and frankly this type of intelligence is underated.
The school of life has been instrumental in my personal growth over this summer vacation. I discovered this website at the end of the school year, and was mesmerized by how well the concepts presented understand me. I took the very few things I’d learned in only to articles and pondered them for the following weeks until the summer came. in that time I’d come to understand why my past relationships had failed, why I felt so much emotional turmoil, and why I’d never find fulfillment with the choices I was making with my relationships. I delved in further in to your websites articles and began to realize that they basically were outlining all the things I’d been just on the cusp of learning on my own, yet so much clearer than my own pondering could have shown me. now I watch every new article like it’s my religion, because I seek to understand myself and others more deeply. This article on emotional intelligence, just outlined the most important thing I gained this summer. I’d Never put a name to it but I’d been taking the opportunity to introspect myself and my emotions, attempt to understand what the actions and outburst of my coworkers and classmates my really be showing, and most of all, teaching this sort of emotional intelligence and patience, to others in my life. I’ve grown from an insecure teenager, confident young man who understands some people better than they understand themselves, and wants to teach them to themselves.
As a therapist myself, my recommendation would be to start by asking these simple questions: Why do they behave the way they do? Say the things they do? Think the way they do? If you spend enough time pondering these questions, something is revealed to you. You realize that most of human behavior is informed by the sum total of our Self so far, that is our experiences, our memories, our personality, our wants and needs, our social life, our career, our environment. The person that we are today is the person we’ve become. Then take the time to ask yourself what kind of experiences someone might’ve had to be the person they are, you begin your journey as emotionally intelligent person.
Emotional intelligence is the highest level of intelligence. It literally can’t be measured. What are “street smarts” in layman terms ? It’s a natural understanding of ones around us. You understand timing, movement, tone of voice, eye movement, the structure of words along with facial expressions that are easily read . We can adapt to any situation and always are aware of our surroundings. You’re in complete control if you have a high E I. It’s very powerful and is a blessing and a curse. Inspiration or manipulation is a choice most with high emotional intelligent have to choose and its hard to understand and even control this type of intelligence.
Emotional intelligence teaches you to take responsibility for your feelings. Also that offense is taken and not given. You decide what hurts you just like you decide what makes you feel good. Emotional intelligence helps you to become more conscious of this. Instead of reacting impulsively. Then blaming others for your reactions to your own emotions.
Emotional intelligence to me simply means l am aware of my own emotions and how they modivate my actions. Indeed introspection is a big part if it. l don’t think it is my place to judge how others feel as l can never know exactly what has lead them to feel as they do, nor to judge what feelings they may be masking. However, l can with the awareness of thier feelings, be a bit more tolerant of them, especially while the fire of extremity still burns. After the coals have cooled a bit, then is the time to try educate them if l feel they have missed elements which require reexamination. Don’t try to argue with an emotionally heated person as you will inevitably druve them futher into their emotionally charged position, and clamp closed their mind to other points of view.
I’m a Primary School Teacher who is really interested in this subject and Mindfulness. Long ago, I realized how kids are supposed to learn contents but are not able to deal with their emotions. In a trip to Thailand, after starting Yoga and Meditation, I found out how disconnected I was to myself and the world, mainly because no one taught me how to handle my emotions. Now I wanna know myself better, be the best copy of myself and find that balance. Thanks for the amazing article-S.
Amazing article, thank you so much for making and uploading this. I have recognized that my EI is not at the level that I would like it to be, and I’m now actively trying to improve it, bywatching how I react to situations brought on by triggers in my life,becoming more motivated andtrying to become more socially inclined… Wish me luck!🙏🏼
I take a spiritual view on this matter. I’ve had an innate awareness since I was a child so as I’ve got older my analytical mind and awareness tunes into behaviours naturally which is why I am always aware of genuine souls but equally not genuine souls who exist on a different level. I can spot them a mile. I’m polite but keep my distance always and never go any further to encourage any connection which doesn’t connect with my soul too. If I venture out of this protection I soon weed myself away for good . I don’t find it difficult to do that!
WOW… Well put together School of Life. I appreciate everything you do. I am addicted to your articles. Growing up fatherless and caring for a schizophrenic brother as a child I made all my decisions based on the way I felt during the moment which led to many unfavourable decisions. However, by now working on my behaviours and attitudes your articles are a blast of relief and a well of education. Keep up the good work.
Thank you so much for making this article :)) I love all of your articles, but this one helped me share what I was talking about for years now, with my friends and familiy. I think this is a thing that we really need to master. I am happy to have friends whit whom I can talk about it a lot, and we can then grow together. I hope this will be a “normal” thing to teach in schools in the future… actually, a lot of articles that you made are helping people getting better at EI. Thank you so much, and keep up a good work ❤ Sending love from Serbia
tbh i really feel this on a spiritual level lmao. I was never a very logical person or a very technical one, but where i shine most is the field of emotional inteligence. Tbh i really think it should be appreciated more because an individual with this trait can really help in shaping a very friendly environment and making team members or co workers bound deeper without all these things being too obvious, by using the small things that can awaken some ideas in the subconscious.
I particularly agree with culture having a big influence on EI. One example is the Norwegian teen drama SKAM, I’d never seen a group of more well-adjusted teenagers than is depicted in the show, & I dare say any young people who watch & love the show can be guided to be more communicative, accepting, giving, and compassionate.
please make articles on examples of how people should handle situations based on emotional intelligence. I don’t think people are really “taught” to properly deal with stressful or emotional situations, and most either get violent, or completely isolate themselves when they face a difficult situation. How can we identify when we are emotionally ignorant if society won’t even listen past 3 seconds in a conversation? I feel like people who take the high road in situations although they look like they got punked out, are actually the ones that have the last laugh due to their emotional intelligence. We need to develop better emotional skills to cope with life because all I see is a spike in mental illnesses.
It’s a curse and a gift. I can never be mad at people, can never hate people. That can be a gift however when someone ticks me off a lot, I still can’t get mad. It’s cause I know why and how. I can either ignore it, play them, or try to change that. It reminds me of the character from Johnny the homicidal maniac, a thing that knew all and was very depressed. Knowing that it’s all just chemicals and different things can give off different chemicals gives you control on how you want to react. For instance, some person was talking to me and said “death ain’t funny, my family member killed themself” I’m looking at that person like, “ok, I got a few options, react by doing nothing, say I’m sorry (i won’t be truly), laugh at it, ask me if they ok, ask if it effects them good or bad, or just stare” you know that people do things for a reason and that there is a way to counter negative things towards you from them by changing your body expression, verbal tone, and words to that person.
WTF I didn’t know I am emotionally intelligent. I can see through lies, I can judge real emotions, I can see through poker faces with the slightest of body language. Like what, I’ve had this just by reading books. I think it’s because in novels, emotions are explained in greater detail that my brain learned how to implement it in reality.
Emotional Intelligence does exist. There’s been extensive information about it, ranging from books to articles like this on YouTube. EI is about understanding the initial emotional afflictions that affect you during a given situation. How you handle that situation from your reactions determines your EI.
I discovered my EQ is a 135 after doing an extensive 1 hour test. Im blown away. And my IQ is 130 plus. I am blown away. Do you have any tests? By the way I am 56 and a half, so I contribute the number from my street smarts and experience. Plus, I am an Empath, so my social and self awarness and management is near perfect. I am glad that I did these tests during covid. I even outscored Dr, Phil once, 160 EQ. Lol
For all the people claiming that EI is made up to make people feel better about having a low I.Q., I’d like you to know that a high I.Q. and high EI often go hand in hand. It’s not like you just have to have one or the other. Some people have both, neither, or only one but it is typical for them to coincide. High EI is a product of being cultured and educated. It’s difficult to understand other people if you don’t have a grasp on your own surroundings and the basic workings of the world. It’s the ability to combine empathy with reasoning and logic, not just being a bleeding heart. If you still think it’s garbage and that I’m stupid for trying to defend it, maybe you should spend some time being introspective if your first impulse was to quash others before they thought they had something to be proud of?
Emotional intelligence is the realisation that on a primal level everyone wants to be esteemed and valued. Love is the core desire. But due to human preferences and biases people tend to suffer rejection and neglect often. With that in mind, your goal is to therefore show people out there that you have esteem and great respect for them even in their less graceful moments. This will mean perusal your words, body movement and eye contact when interacting with other people. Everyone is insecure about their intrinsic value and therefore your respect will come as a wonderful surprise that will often stir them up to show respect to others they meet. This makes your heart a spring of life-giving water to a very love-thirsty populace. People will get attracted to you like bees to nectar or moths to a flame. The warmth you emit will make others naturally seek your company. You find you become a natural leader by default. This is bad for those who tend to like their solitude and alone time. The introverted. But that is a comment for a different article.
“The Turning Point” by Fritjof Capra, a physicist whom through his scientific knowledge and from the wisdom of eastern philosophers tries to put into perspective where we are heading as a civilization with topics ranging from ecology to medicene, science, psychology and economics. He somehow accurately predicts the times we live in today and tries to explain how our society is obsessed with rationality through science & technology, we forget the Yang to our Yin. We focus too much on technical intelligence, that we are ill equipped to hone our emotional intelligence; nature.
I think that there are many different intelligences, I’m not very academic and couldn’t write a good essay. I do however speak multiple languages, and can build a sturdy set of shelves out of a pile of wood without a plan. I’ve never met a puzzle I’ve not been able to solve, and I solve them incredibly quickly. I think some people have a better ‘practical intelligence’ vs a ‘theorising intelligence.’
Achievements and mastery are healthy and critical, but simply “doing” and not knowing or understanding, or even cultivating the immaterial parts of us that fend off depression, loneliness and the pain of a competitive world is a dangerous imbalance. It’s cliche; but when you master your mind and emotions, the world and others are less threatening. We relate better. We feel more connected. I think it’s what we were made to do to be happy. It’s easier said than done, because our culture has perverted and wrongfully concluded “emotional health” or “emotional aptitude” as that for the weak to focus on. A soft skill they say… Culture now tells the “strong” to carry on and bulldoze through life like a bad*ss to earn status and accumulate pleasures at any cost. If you are human, (we all are despite our perceived differences- even the worst of us) you know and have felt through painful experience these things aren’t enough. As I get older, I noticed devices get faster, ordering whatever your heart desires online gets easier, but we basically suck at being happy or at peace more than ever. Our human and relational needs are getting sh*t on and dismissed. It’s readily mocked. I’m guilty of it too. We feel even more dead inside and not “seen” even though our faces are broadcasted smiling to all our friends on social media sites. I get it. I, too, see the word “emotion” and especially “emotional intelligence” and think poppycock. Lazy thinking-feeling-cumbaya-weirdos who don’t do the dirty work of navigating the world with their hands and sheer grit.
Super great article, my problem is that I AM emotionally intelligent, so I KNOW how I’m feeling and what I need, but people around me assume I’m like everyone else and DON’T know, so they interpret what I say through the same filter that we need to use with most people, but then we have severe miscommunication because when they won’t accept my words at face value, they get stuck on continually misinterpreting what I’m saying because it doesn’t fit the model lol
Idky but the only thing that was popping up in my mind, yt, book etc today was EI.. Heard this term for the 1st time but definitely am aware of the concept.. I feel I am extremely interested in understanding people’s problems(any small or big one in general),their weird experiences, their opinions about others(not gossiping tho) and just about how they perceive things nd ppl.. I also believe in helping them feel better/comfortable and open around me..very emphatically love talking abt life..A very good listener plus ik how to behave /react in public and also to control my emotions.. Not even once was involved in a conflict.. Even on social media and a lot lot more in this sense.. Am I high on EI then🤓
I’m highly empathetic but I’m also very realistic, cautious and pessimistic. I have a habbit of putting my self in someone else’s position before saying/doing something and that have helped me understand the emotions of the people I’ve met. My realistic and cautious side makes me consider the consequences before doing them, I have made my share of big misstakes though. My pessimistic side makes me stop hoping for anything cause hope is, according to me, toxic.
I think your totally right. There need to be a graded subject dedicated to teach emotional intelligence. We all know the sterotype of smart people being often socially awkward. That’s a serious lack of emotional intelligence, which can lead to devastating patterns of thinking and actions. A school subject would be perfect to educate them while other people who are pretty bad in school might be talented in this subject. In my opinion a lack of emotional intelligence is a much bigger problem than being bad in another subject. You can always specify to a job that fits you, but you will be dealing with other people in EVERY job. In addition I think bullying is a direct consequence of a lack of emotional intelligence too. It is simply not enough telling the students “Be nice to one another!” and be done with it. Dealing with people isn’t really recognized as a skill, however learning to be helpful to both yourself and other people is critical to have a happy life. I think this gap is the main reason, why I am very interested in this chanel.
I see people doubting emotional intelligence. It’s not about being smart. It’s about self awareness, being able to recognize a feeling that comes, and weigh it against the world. To prevent a feeling from overtaking our thoughts and behaviors. A feeling of frustration towards an SO may be misinterpreted as hatred or dissatisfaction with the relationship, and if not recognized and dealt with, could potentially lead people to worry about conflicting emotions and making poor decisions.
I’d like to add that emotional intelligence doesn’t come without a penalty – it takes energy to empathise, which is why I suspect many don’t do it as much as they are capable. Earlier in my life I felt it (empathy) as a burden – or even as an unwanted intrusion into somenody else’s life. That was largely reflecting my own feeling that it would have been an unwanted intrusion into mine. But when it came to it, it wasn’t unwelcome at all!
I am pretty sure there are many forms of emotional education. You watch any kids’ show and it’s about working together, making friends, being nice, amongst numerous other positive social interactions. Including sympathy and empathy. I feel like there definitely could be more done to continue that emotional education as people get older, but I presume that’s what makes people who they are because they chose their own path. Some people choose to watch and induce media pertaining to romance or maybe a show or movie about someone being bullied, which invokes emotional education in regards to empathy and being able to understand another one’s feelings. In my opinion there are plenty of forms of emotional education in most part: media (TV, movies, news, magazines, YouTube, or any other form of social media). It exposes us to different emotions and feelings which educates us on the spectrum of emotions and helps us improve our “Emotional Intelligence” if you want to call it that.
This is also maybe why many successful people suffer from depression. Despite having achieved their goal, once they know that they made it, then until they get the next goal, they feel emotionally hollow. I am myself feeling a sort of hollowness since the day I achieved my goal in college. Now that I don’t have anything to motivate me to work hard, I have finally started to feel emotionally hollow, but I couldn’t understand why I feel this way. Why am I not content with my life now. As I never regarded feelings as important, nowadays I wish I had not done so. But this article makes me realize that maybe my emotional intelligence is low. I need to work on it. This article would have been better if it suggested us how to become more emotionally intelligent. So that we can enjoy our lives to the fullest by living in the present, but not by disregarding our future and also our past.
Isn’t this just Agreeableness from the OCEAN personality model? I remember hearing a psychologist (believe it was Jordan Peterson) stating that if you account for IQ and the five factor model there are no other types of intelligences left that can not simply be attributed as either one of those other or an interaction between them.
I thought of myself being too understanding and forgiving of people who treat others, or myself, unfair was a flaw all this time. I can never stay mad at someone because I am too focused on the deeper reason as to why they might be experiencing an outburst of emotion. I suppose I am emotionally intelligent, and as weird as it may seem, I wish I was less forgiving.
If you´re saying that part of “emotional intelligence” is an ability to see a fit of anger as a disguised cry for help, really you´re saying it is the ability to see through someone´s inability to communicate and express themselves properly. If someone gets angry at me, I interpret it as anger. If someone shows sadness, I interpret it as sadness, and I am not “emotionally unintelligent” for doing so. If there is a hidden feeling, the other person needs to work at communicating and expressing themselves better. However, I do admit that there is a learned ability to control your own emotions and empathize with other people and their feelings better. It´s called maturity. Or perhaps another good way to called it is “emotionally experienced.” “Emotional intelligence” to me sounds self-contradictory because intelligence is directly related to rational thought, not feelings.
I define emotional intelligence as it reflects using methodologies that resonate with oneself to process effectively, efficiently, and with self-discipline the nuances of emotions (visualize a rainbow) anger through rage, fear through terror, and sadness through grief and processing enough of those nuances to get clear in our thinking. We can therefore better access our flexible intelligence and think clearly. I teach Peer Counseling and “Animated Laughter with Feelings” (I created it) as two methods to achieve this result. In addition, I wrote three books with the theme “I Dare to Heal”. When we are hurt or traumatized the anger, fear, and sadness are three emotions that we must address. Attempting to address them cognitively and with behavioral methods are difficult. I teach the use of different types of breath to connect and discharge the nuances of emotion by way of “Animated Laughter with Feelings”. It works..
Becoming aware of your emotions and understanding them is one thing. There’s a few comments here about controlling emotions and reducing negative emotions. From research and experience, I believe you cannot “control” emotions, you can only do one of several things: influence them through your thought and behaviour, release them in healthy or unhealthy ways or you can bury them (creating dangerous emotional trauma). A lot of people learn to bury their negative emotions, believing they have controlled them, because it works in the short term. Apparently this only causes the emotions to escape in other ways such as stress. The stress leads to anxieties and mental health problems, plus stress related illness. Interested to hear what you all have to say.
It is frustrating when you try to better yourself by being more self-aware about what you do and how it affects people, BUT others aren’t self-aware with themselves and you try to be tolerable but you know if you told them what they’re doing is frustrating others they won’t change They’ll go on saying stuff like, “oh if they don’t like me for who I am then I’m fine with it,” In all honesty the problem is not others, it is the one in denial and you can’t take it but you know they’re having problems so you try to be tolerable BUT OMFG they’re just insufferable with their hypocrisy, nosiness and their inability to keep secrets Making everything I’ve worked for to be a better person waste for this brings out my inner demons I need advice and help Help me
Emotional Intelligence is an arbitrary category made up because in the 70s studying IQ made people uncomfortable. I’m not saying it doesn’t work, because there are tests that define it pretty well, but IQ covers what EI sets out to do better, and it’s just a step along the way of IQ testing. Let’s take an example from an article written by a serious researcher, what does EI testing consist of? George was sad, and an hour later, he felt guilty. What happened in-between? (Choose one): A. George accompanied a neighbor to a medical appointment to help out the neighbor. B. George lacked the energy to call his mother, and missed calling her on her birthday. High EI test-takers recognize that alternative B, the missed birthday phone call, would better account for George’s change in mood from sadness to guilt. Taken from: psychologytoday.com/blog/the-personality-analyst/200909/what-emotional-intelligence-is-and-is-not I highly encourage everyone, even who rejects the concept of EI to read this. The type of questions that you are asked for EI, even in a controlled environment do not have a defining characteristic to differentiate them from something that you’d be asked during IQ testing. Other examples consist of “what does this face communicate to you? Sadness Anger Melancholy Confusion” Which is still nothing so ground-breakingly different from being asked to use your limited understanding of human emotions as a child, and associate what you saw during your short life with new and more complex emotions, which is something IQ testing requires!
In my opinion emotional development walking together along with : 1. Cognitive development : that is has a few the basic categorized age development like a baby, toodler, teenage, young adult, adult n older person.. Cognitive development from a few categorized as sensitivities stage, pre operational stage, concrete operational and formal operational .. And then 2. Spiritual development : that is soul religion development usually has been marked with relationships between a person with god.. Spiritual development is important cause EI never happens if a person don’t have a soul relationship with god ..
It just sounds like “Emotional Intelligence” is a made up term used by people that often get beaten in debates by facts, figures and logic so instead resort to using their feelings to justify that they’re right. Either that or it’s a hugely overcomplicated way of saying “empathy is good, not having empathy is bad”.
Emotional intelligence doesn’t actually exist in the way that actual intelligence (as measured by IQ) does. It is not a scientifically valid concept in the way that IQ is. All of the psychological scientific literature is crystal clear on the subject. Read Dr. Jordan Peterson’s Quora post on the subject if you want more detail.
THIS Is How You Balance Your Emotions We can balance our emotions with the help of the environment. What I mean by “environment” is our society and its influences, that we can surround ourselves with such influences that will guide us on how to direct the emotions that awaken in us. For instance, we know the example of peer pressure, when our friends tell us to do or not to do something, and their influence makes us follow their recommendations. Using this force of our surrounding environment, we can choose our environment—the kinds of people, media and values we surround ourselves with—and accordingly change our attitude toward certain emotions. We can then build our intellect with our social influences. Our desires constantly grow, and we correspondingly need to build a greater and greater intellect with which we can deal with our growing desires. Adjusting our environmental influences in order to build the intellect so that we can best deal with our growing desires is the essence of education. It is what we need to teach the younger generation, that we can balance our emotions with our intellects, and by doing so, come to see our perfect state in life. We should thus try to find an environment that would be able to supplement our constantly-surfacing emotions in a certain direction. Our environment should act as a damper, helping us mediate our inner excitements and eruptions, bringing them to a state where we would be able to realize them—but to realize them in ways that benefit both ourselves and others.
Interesting what you imply about using emotional intelligence to help protect the species and the planet, which I’m sure is true. Yet many who already do that aren’t particularly emotionally intelligent – either that or they’re faced with an E.I. problem which is sufficiently difficult (= far removed from their own experiences) to be difficult to understand. Not without a lot of personal investment, that is… My own EI was hindered by being brought up in a very rarified environment, one where emotions (esp. of others) were tacitly considered to be stupid or an “admission of weakness of intellect”. Whereas in reality they are examples of different experiences.
I became highly intelligence in emotion for being very logical. Although I sometimes overextend on emotional response against illogical arguments (rarely though). And that I don’t understand irrationality of human behavior. I always try to be as rational as possible leaving emotion only on deciding the value of my life. I’ve been told I have no empathy. And sometimes I am. But since the majority of the point is based on controlling the emotion regardless of method(in which I use logic) I score really high on it. (: (: (: (: (:
It’s also a gender culture problem rooted in family education, that boys are usually not allowed to show their vulnerability and emotional feelings even in the family (compared to girls) when they are growing up. It can partially explain why males tend to be more aggressive and violent. Something suppressed will turn to erupt in other forms…
A contented person is happier. For more details, please watch the sermon of the Light of Wisdom Church, welcome everyone to study and discuss together. article “To live is to continue living ｜The Essence Of Happiness And The True Freedom 06” If you think it makes sense, we must not only believe it ourselves, but also spread it to more people. Evangelism is not only the job of pastors, but also the responsibility of every believer. This is also the aspect that the Lord values most when ascending to the kingdom of heaven.
Without perusal the article it relates to empathy but happens via sympathy as well. And if no one has figured out how deliberately obscuring salient information, colluding to confuse, repeatedly traumatizing someone emotionally, physically and otherwise, harassment, stalking, article recording in areas with reasonable privacy expectation, dehumanizing them in the attempt to gain one benefit or another is emotionally bereft then they have no place lecturing me on how to speak, behave, dress, act and attract. None.
So far I can identify my own emotions as well as others’, take into account what experiences may affect current behavior, and what underlying emotion may be masked by surface ones, but I still struggle with applying that information toward myself. As in I can know what’s wrong, but I may still not change the behavior due to fear or guilt.
Perhaps the most palatable term is context awareness. It takes intelligence to be emotionally intelligent but also it takes cultural education. One can consume cultural education but it takes daily intentional practice to perceive the depth of the human condition in both ourselves and others. Emotional intelligence isn’t inherent, this is likely true. But it is quite perceivable by everyone.
I want to list an example. My mother. In my childhood my mother cared about our landlord for she was of old age. My mother never really took anything from her. And the time came when our landlord, who too acted like a second grandmother to my sister and I, got sick. My mother cared about her til the end. Her name was Marianne. Marianne was grateful to my mother and died in this House silently in her sleep. She gave us her cat and her house. Two gifts that my family and I will never forget. She had some relatives but they never visited her. And still sometimes try to claim the house. It’s sad that her relatives think the property was of more worth than Marianne who baked cookies for us every X-Mas, or gave us easter eggs and bunnies a women who always communicated with her cat (her/our cat lived till the age of 23 years) a human being just like ourselves. And my point is that you can achieve great things with EI. You can build a more lovable World around yourself. A world where we understand each other and won’t just gosspi so lightly about someone we never even talked to. A World you and I want to actually like to go out and socialize without wanting to shut ourselves into a computer generated unreal World.
The understanding will not change anything. Humanity needs true spirituality, the scientific spirituality that is the medicine, the energies that can overcome the evil part of each of us. These medicines, these energies, these nouritures can only be given by an expert on human nature who could have reached a very high moral level. These experts were still the messengers of the god and his heirs who are present nowadays. From my point of view, I believe that the truth and the medicine of our nature is present on the few muslimans who have reached the level of excellence in spirituality, which means that healing can only be done with two things: the learning of spiritual knowledge musilman with the companionship with its experts to drink these virtues.
and this will be a must have trait for the prospective woman I choose to court. This is an indicator of a grounded, fully fleshed out, self aware, accountable, adult. If anyone is a “slave” to their emotions head for the hills, its just a bullyish rationalization for how they will make excuses, and scapegoat out of for being completely volatile without apology because they down own up for the behaviors they choose to react through. We as humans are greater than any animals because we reason with logic, but when someone selfish cons you into thinking “you left me no choice but to be a b*tch/pr*ck, be warned that person will use you as a frustration punching bag because they have never embraced any concept of hard work, discomfort, or delayed gratification. Deal with babies as babies, not as baby behaving adults, its just wrong to enable that crutch for them, most likely never to grow out of and mature into something really obnoxious and still blame everyone else for their tantrums.
“For each one are successive (angels) before and behind him who protect him by the decree of Allah. Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves. And when Allah intends for a people ill, there is no repelling it. And there is not for them besides Him any patron.”( Qur’ān 13: 11)
For the more scientifically-oriented people who are triggered : this was not a article talking about the scientific method. It was not trying to put forward a hypothesis to be tested; it was saying that we need a more mature relationship with our own feelings and with others, to go alongside our advancing technological capacity. If we don’t become more ‘enlightened’ in this respect then we are probably headed for self destruction.
Emotions are temporary(some last longer) states we exist in and are a (warning)sign that an exterior stimulus has triggered/ stimulated a thought which led to a feeling…. this state, if habitual, can led is to behave in a certain, predictable way if, and can also be used to help us survive (freeze, fight, fight, faint).. Becoming aware of the emotion and feeling in the body is important to develop the intelligence part.. to notice it and DELAY or realize the mental interpretation may not be truth or fact but our belief(opinion) about those and the possible outcome(s).. both fortunate and unfortunate situations produce thoughts, feelings and emotional states that led us to interpret or misinterpret the situations possible outcome.. i.e. the farmer’s story.. One day a farmer’s horse ran away into the forest and he could not find it.. later his neighbors came by, he told them about his horse and they said ‘that’s horrible’ to which the farmer replied ‘ maybe ‘ The next day the horse returned with 3 other wild horses, again his neighbors came by, he updated the story and the neighbors said ‘That’s wonderful ‘ to which the farmer replied ‘maybe ‘ The next day, the farmer’s 20 year old son was trying to tame one of the wild horses, was thrown off and broke his leg, the neighbors that evening, hearing the story claimed ‘that’s awful ‘, again the farmer replied ‘maybe ‘ The next day, the army came into the village and gathered up all the young men to go fight in the war, however with the freshly broken leg the farmer’s son was left behind, the neighbors heard the news and said ‘that’s wonderful ‘, And you understand now the farmer’s reply.
I think I have Developed it & will give an Example!, A Few Years ago I was Toying with the Idea of Changing My Look, & was trying to Soften My Visual Appearance (for those who get that!), Well a Friend of Mine who I think has got emotional intelligence Suggested wearing a Scarf which I thought was a Clever Suggestion where someone Like ian Hislop (a Journalist in the UK where I am from!) wears one, I got back to Mate & told Him I tried wearing one but it Just didn’t Fit Me!, He Understood & I Explained to Him that it was Nothing to do with Scarf Size!, Some might not get that Story & that is Okay but others will Probably Really get it.
i was and still above average emotional intelligent but i changed a lot i must be angry and dont understand and fight a few kind of unsupportable&unkind people… of course there is a reason behind everything every act and behaviour but being emotional intelligent is hard with all types and kind of fellow people.. being emotional intelligent is you are high emotional TOO
I like the article, but suggesting that being subtle and using seductive means to teach emotional intelligence is not necessary. I was a tad emotional intelligence through my mother who asked me questions about how I feel, told me to be honest with myself and my feelings, encouraged me to now and understand the root cause of how I felt, and to always strive for a normal healthy life. That is how you teach emotional intelligence.
Emotional Intelligence should be taught at schools ASAP. With social media and the pressures of the everyday life we need to become resilient and we need our children to be taught how to cope with what awaits them in the real world. Math skills are not going to save your relationship. Geography will not help you recover from a breakup and history will not teach you how to believe in yourself.
It’s odd, really. So many people have so little “emotional intelligence”, despite having eventful lives. As for the term itself, I do believe it could be worded better. I’m 16, but despite the demographic of my generation, I believe cell phones, or more specifically smart phones, have a negative effect on most aspects of life, especially the emotional parts. In my opinion, they detach us from reality and create a “safe haven” for all users. Instead of confronting ones inner problems, cell phones teach us to hide from them. Only once one conquers themselves can they master ANYTHING. I try to take an hour a day to simply contemplate self-improvement and how I can get better at anything. Unfortunately, that usually leads to improving my fighting style and strategies, for reasons unspecified. Even after doing so for nearly 8 years, I still find many ways to improve myself, such as focusing more during school/work and improving my physical appearance. The first thing I tried to master was initiative, as without it contemplation is pointless. Now, I believe I need to work on writing, as I have tried to correct this unimportant YouTube comment six times, and still know there will be haters. sigh
Molti distinguono le emozioni in positive e negative, i più lungimiranti individuano in ciascuna emozione una valenza positiva e una negativa. L’ottica MDPAC supera entrambe queste concezioni ancorate al predominio della sfera razionale e considera la sfera emotiva esclusivamente in senso protettivo. Le emozioni non hanno bisogno dell’intelligenza: semmai è il contrario. L’emozione interviene per rinforzare i pensieri positivi e per trasformare la tendenza dell’individuo a dare importanza in modo rigido e ipergiudicante alla propria sfera cognitiva a discapito di tutte le altre sfere tentando di PROTEGGERCI dai pensieri negativi che abbiamo circa noi stessi: non sono capace, sono debole, non sono importante, non posso gestirlo, non posso sopportarlo, io sono impotente, io non ho il controllo, io non sono una brava persona, io non mi merito, etc. Continuiamo a confondere il sistema d’allarme con l’incendio. Ad esempio una zebra vede un leone, ha paura, scappa e si salva la vita. Noi esseri umani per effetto della neocorteccia continuiamo a pensare all’evento o lo anticipiamo: quindi il problema sono le emozioni oppure i pensieri negativi. In realtà le emozioni sono come l’oro nell’arte del kintsugi ed è proprio ciò che consente il passaggio dal pensiero negativo a quello positivo. Le emozioni non sono qualcosa da gestire, ma il regolatore del sistema INDIVIDUO. “Someone prefers to focus on positive thinking to counteract the negative, but algebra teaches us that by multiplying two numbers of opposite sign we always get a negative product, whereas emotions are like a mirror so that if the thought is positive, they reflect positivity.
Our generation isn’t equipped to handle our emotions. Especially towards relationships where people are afraid to get in relationships out of fear of getting emotionally hurt Instead of preparing ourselves to deal with these emotional dilemmas so it makes it easier for us in the future to move on and also still love others.
I am not sure that you can state that people are not born with EI and that they have to be educated. Like humour, and other characteristics. Many people have skills that don’t match their formative and current experience. I have met many well trained “mental health” proffesionals who were very limited in IE. Many people from 6/60 have high levels of IE.
Emotional intelligence, to measure the emotions. So I wonder what are emotions? I think they are a broadcast from our instincts. I have them but I don’t control them.by control I mean the ability to shut them off. I can suppress them for a while but that’s the extent of it. they seem to be a prompt to do something.basicly to balance out my values. I think I understand what this article is getting at however I think emotional intelligence should be emotional understanding.instincts are all about values and intelligence is about our ability to measure something.although they operate together being able to distinguish them would be beneficial to understanding human behavior.insticts is about good or bad and intelligence is about right or wrong. I think you are going in the right direction.
I think Emotional intelligence is very much a real thing. And in fact is mostly ignored. With that established, I find myself usually alone in a world where there are very few Emotionally intelligent. Most people are too caught up with what they are tying to do with their lives to be emotionally intelligent. We are told that we can’t ever be happy all the time and that emotions are natural. BUT that being true….we can learn to develop our emotional skills
Emotional intelligence ought to be a required class in high school. Not enough people learn it in the home. That’s why so many young men get bitter if they’re turned down for a date—instead of accepting their disappointment, dealing it and moving on, they get bitter and call the girl a shallow bitch.
There are two basic brain types when it comes to emotional processing in the limbic system, the high estrogen one and the low estrogen one. The high estrogen one is the one we tend to think of as having more emotional intelligence, because they are more “empathetic”, and they focus on what their closest companion (animal, vegetable, mineral, etc., including the self in the future) wants to DO. As in what another’s goal is. The low estrogen type focuses on what their closest companion wants to get/have, and they are the ones who tend to be thought of as being on the Autism end of the spectrum of brain types. They are the ones who need to use their more intellectual parts of the brain to learn, logically, to assess what someone else (or themselves in the future) want to do.
“In the ideal society”, because of course there’s only one ideal – according to the same person who constantly dismisses religious literacy in a series that’s supposedly “un-ideological”. Also, the term “emotional intelligence” encourages reducing people to numbers for quality assurance, on the grounds that human beings are interchangeable manufactured products, which undermines the very idea of emotional awareness.
I don’t think emotional intelligence is simply taught. It’s more of a feeling or something you think without actually thinking it if that make sense. I think emotional intelligence is strongest when you learn it from yourself rather than others trying to teach it to you. I think emotional intelligence is gained through experience and growth. All the different emotions whether it be good or bad or simply just challenges in life, but simply feeling those may not be enough to get that sense of emotional intelligence. Rather than simply that, you could feel a balance of those forces and start to learn from all of them instead of just one influencing you the most. You start to notice a pattern of why you feel that way and why things are the way they are. It’s like a different kind of conscious almost.
This article starts well, but ends badly. Culture alone doesn’t cut it. The Nazis, for example, would often play Mozart or Bach while massacring the Jews. They used culture as a way to feel superior and justified in committing horrors. No, Alain, this time you missed the mark. Meditation, and not Culture, is the practice that teaches Emotional Intelligence, because meditation, unlike culture, teaches you how to recognize and understand the different strands that make up the otherwise complex bundle of human emotions. Culture makes you feel more. Meditation helps you understand those feelings and Emotional Intelligence is not about feeling more, but understanding your feelings.
Emotional intelligence doesn’t exist. It’s not taught, & it IS too late to integrate it into society. If it was there I would have not been so misunderstood at every single job I ever done. My just existing in the same space as another coworker will automatically be interpreted like I am the worst person ever. I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t have the energy or value in myself to even try anymore cuz it’s not gonna matter. I have good intentions but no one ever sees it that way.
People used to develop in emotional intel by reading the stories of their culture, well crafter stories to teach you to avoid temptation, seek humility, justice, peace and mercy and above all love. Now, the secularists have decided we don’t need any of that, we can make do with the likes of a rebooted Ghostbusters movie instead!?! Thanks atheists, secularists and God-haters everywhere, good job, you must be so proud of yourselves!
Im really emotional intelligent as I have many experiences to justify my claim. I only have one complaint to having EI is that it doesn’t help at all. Sure understanding people could help others if you use it correctly but what if people just take it for granted. I am starting to give up on my EI because it hasnt done anything for me. It’s sad but I’m starting to loose my grip on why I need to be existing here. I’m tired of all this and I think I’m closer to slitting my wrists. Having really high EI at a young age just made things worse. Giving would seem easier because I have no one. I haven’t had anyone for my entire life as thats my theme.
Actually a part of emotional intelligence is born within each individual, it’s the reason some toddlers born within the same environment react differently to the same scenarios. Education can unleash it’s full potential and maybe help us understand it better but you cant say for a fact, all is education. Some people by nature don’t give a sh*t, doesn’t matter the amount of exposure to Socrates or anyone else. Etc
Your emotions often cause you to make decisions based on how u feel emotionally in doing so u will really hurt yourself like how I lost my temper around people and made a fool of myself like how lots of guys get in trouble when they think with the wrong head like my emotions sometimes tell me too say or do something stupid to satisfy my pride
Honestly this article makes me feel so understood. I’ve always been overly empathetic. I find it hard to see people in pain, physical or mental, because of how strongly I can put myself in other people’s shoes. It means that I find it hard to truly hate people because I can always see their motivations or damage, which can be frustrating, because sometimes you just need someone to blame. Something I unconsciously live by is that most are trying to be good people, but just tend to miserably fail. And it hurts to know that.