Curfews are a crucial tool in fostering responsibility and accountability in teenagers, teaching them the importance of adhering to rules and making responsible decisions. They help teenagers prioritize their commitments and develop self-discipline, which can have long-term benefits for their mental health. However, curfews can limit late night freedom out for safety’s sake but also protect adolescents from responsibility and peer pressure.
Setting a reasonable curfew for teens is essential for their mental health, sleep, and schedule, but it also limits their independence and social life. It is important to negotiate a flexible curfew based on their age, sleep needs, safety, and activities. Legal requirements, communication tips, and consequences for breaking curfews should be considered.
Adequate sleep is vital for teenagers, and curfews can help regulate sleep schedules by ensuring they are at home during designated hours. This helps establish consistent and healthy sleep patterns. However, curfews raise specific and symbolic issues, such as the lateness of an adolescent’s stay out.
Adequate sleep is vital for teenagers, and following rules is an important part of the process into adulthood. A curfew helps teenagers learn to be responsible about their time and places they visit, preparing them to shoulder more responsibility as they grow.
However, curfews can also create unemployment and price hikes of daily commodities. Proper education and gradual delegation of responsibilities should be used to promote safety and prevent youth from engaging in criminal behavior or becoming victims of crime.
In conclusion, curfews are not ineffective and useless. They are about safety, self control, time management, and feeling fresh for the next day. Setting clear expectations and negotiating a reasonable curfew can help teenagers navigate their growing responsibility and growth.
📹 Stop Caring What Your Parents Think|Jordan Peterson
Must-read Jordan Peterson Books: ▷ Beyond Order: 12 More Rules for Life: https://amzn.to/3sawG0G ▷ 12 Rules for Life: An …
What happens in a curfew?
Curfews are orders issued by public authorities or military forces to maintain public order or suppress targeted groups. They have been used in various cities and states, such as Japan-American university students during World War II, African-Americans during Jim Crow laws, and people younger than a certain age since the 1980s. In recent times, curfews have been imposed by many countries during disease epidemics or pandemics like the COVID-19 pandemic.
A child or teenager’s parents or legal guardians may set a rule requiring them to return home by a specific time, usually in the evening or night. This may apply daily or vary with the day of the week. Domestic assistants, such as au pairs or nanny, may also be ordered by the head of household to return home by a specific time.
Guests returning to their hostels before a specified time is another common practice. Court orders requiring home return before a certain hour and inside until a certain hour of the morning are also common. In baseball, a time after which a game must end or play be suspended is a common curfew rule.
In aeronautics, night flying restrictions may restrict aircraft operations over a defined period in the nighttime to limit disruption of aircraft noise on nearby residents’ sleep. In some locations in the UK, patrons of licensed premises may not enter after a “curfew” time, also known as “last orders”.
In Victoria, Australia, a nighttime curfew was imposed on children who had run amok in the streets after repeating youth offenses in 2011. In 2020, Victorian premier Daniel Andrews declared a state of disaster across the state and imposed stage 4 lockdown in Metropolitan Melbourne, including nighttime curfew.
Why should kids not be allowed to stay up as late as they want?
Late bedtimes can negatively impact children’s mood, performance, and physical growth. Dr. Owens warns that lack of sleep can lead to crankiness and inattentiveness in children. Despite the risks, some families struggle to maintain sufficient sleep. Jodi Mindell, Ph. D., director of behavioral pediatrics at the Sleep Disorders Center at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, explains that many families have children up until 10:00 or 11:00 at night.
Busy family schedules and long-working parents can cause longer days, while parental exhaustion can allow kids to win sleep time skirmishes. Most households don’t have leisurely mornings, resulting in an abundance of drowsy kids. An estimated half of all U. S. children do not get enough sleep, and 60 of children under 18 complained of excessive daytime tiredness in 2022 statistics by the National Sleep Foundation.
Can an 18 year old date a 16 year old in Ireland?
The age limit for owning a knife in Ireland is not set, but it is an offense to possess one without a valid reason, such as work. Health services are provided free of charge to children, including vaccination and immunization services. However, children aged 16 and over may give consent to surgical procedures under the Non-Fatal Offences Against the Person Act 1997.
There is no legislation regulating body piercing or tattooing, so there is no legal minimum age for these services. Teeth whitening requires consent from an individual aged 18 or over under Directive 2011/84/EU of 20 September 2011. Sunbeds require consent from an individual aged 18 or over under the Public Health (Sunbeds) Act 2014. Blood donation is only possible until an individual is 18.
Contraceptive services have no set minimum age, and consent to sexual activity is 17 years old. Providers of contraceptive services can refuse to provide services to people under 17. Sexual activity is a criminal offence under Section 3 of the Criminal Law (Sex Offences) Act 2006 as amended by Section 5 of the Criminal Law (Sexual Offences) (Amendment) Act 2007.
The Criminal Law (Sexual Offences) Act 2017 introduces a ‘proximity of age’ defence, allowing consent from a person charged with a sexual act with a child under 17 years old if they are younger or less than two years older. However, the Director of Public Prosecutions must consent for any prosecution of a child under 17 years old for this offence.
What is the meaning of curfew for parents?
A curfew is defined as a legal mandate requiring an individual to remain within their designated residence at a specified time. This directive is often implemented by a parent or legal guardian. A curfew may be either a daily curfew, which begins at a designated time, or a period of time during which the individual is required to remain indoors. Furthermore, a curfew may be imposed as a disciplinary measure for being discovered outside the confines of one’s residence or educational institution. For instance, a child may be subjected to such restrictions for being discovered outside the designated curfew hours.
Can a 12 year old stay home alone in Ireland?
In Ireland, children under the age of 14 are not deemed to possess the requisite maturity to be left alone or unsupervised, given the absence of a defined age at which it is legally permissible to leave them at home.
Why should parents extend curfews?
If a teenager consistently arrives home at the designated time, it may be appropriate to consider extending their curfew. Such an approach allows for the exercise of judgment and the pursuit of a healthy and productive lifestyle, facilitated by the provision of greater autonomy.
What is personal curfew?
In medieval Europe, a bell rang every evening at a fixed hour, and townspeople were required to cover or extinguish their hearth fires. This bell, called coverfeu in Anglo-French, was a signal for the time when the fire had come. The English version of curfew, which emerged in the 16th century, no longer regulated hearth fires but continued to be rung for various purposes, such as signaling the close of day, evening burial, or enforcement of other evening regulations. This “bell ringing at evening” became the first English sense of curfew.
During the Middle Ages, wood-framed houses in European towns prevented fires from spreading from house to house. To prevent this, people were required to put out or cover their hearth fires by a certain time in the evening. This signal was called coverfeu, a compound of covrir, meaning “to cover”, and feu, “fire”. Even when hearth fires were no longer regulated, many towns had other rules that called for the ringing of an evening bell, and this signal was still called coverfeu.
In modern times, curfews have evolved to include a 10-hour curfew for children, parents, and the city, reflecting the values of the family.
Should a 15 year old have a curfew?
A curfew is a specific time for a person to be at home, typically between 8:00 PM and 9:30 PM on school nights, with slightly later times allowed on weekends. Teenagers are a critical time for development, wanting independence while not yet legal adults. To ensure their safety and foster autonomy, parents can implement a curfew. A curfew is a step towards responsibility for the teen and peace of mind for the parent. It is often associated with the evening, when societal risks are perceived to be higher.
By setting a curfew that respects the teen’s growing need for independence while maintaining a household standard, parents can ensure their child’s safety and maintain a sense of order and discipline.
What does you got curfew mean?
A midnight curfew is a rule that requires all individuals to remain in their residences during specific time periods, typically at night. Such restrictions are typically imposed during periods of war or political unrest.
What should a 16 year old boy’s curfew be?
Parents can adjust their teen’s bedtime curfew to suit their family’s schedule and child’s circumstances. For example, if your teen arrives home at 7 p. m., a weekday curfew of 10 p. m. might be appropriate. On weekends, a more reasonable time might be 11 p. m., depending on the family’s schedule and the child’s needs. Adjustments can be made to accommodate lateness, such as a 15- to 30-minute grace period for assignments or sports practice. Being flexible is especially beneficial for high school graduates and college students, as it helps them feel comfortable making decisions independently.
Is there a curfew for minors in Ireland?
It is prohibited for minors under the age of 16 to enter public places without the supervision of an adult between the hours of 23:00 and 06:00. The period in question spans from 12 a. m. to 6 a. m. The aforementioned restrictions are in effect from 12:00 a. m. to 5:00 a. m. From June 1 to August 31, the aforementioned restrictions are in effect from 11:00 p. m. to 5:00 a. m. Local governments may, at their discretion, temporarily modify this restriction; however, there are no legal impediments to doing so. No legal restrictions are in place with regard to this matter.
📹 How to Handle a Rebellious Child
#JordanPeterson #JordanBPeterson #DrJordanPeterson #DrJordanBPeterson #DailyWirePlus #Disagree #Disagreeable #Son …
I think I knew this in my 30s but they give me the silent treatment every time I do what I decide to do. Also, there are two of them and they always back each other up no matter how ridiculous the other is being. Always. I’m single. So here I am at 51 locked in to a stand off with my parents. Usually when they gave me the silent treatment I would crack after 6 months and go back to them to ”apologise”. This time, I am just standing really certain in my own perspective, my own experience. And that offends them so much that this particular silent treatment has been going on since I was 49! So. They mean business with their silent treatments.
One of the effects of when you let your parents guide is that you would never know what you truly want to do in your life, I am battling with the very same crisis. Living with parents but I have stopped talking to them and finding my purpose in life, I care for them but I never felt so relaxed and calm.
my parents had me at an older age.. we never had a relationship, strictly authoritarian. they never encouraged me to go to school and denied me help, and prevented me from getting any loans. they never thought i could do it, never had faith in me. now they are approaching their 70s and i’m my mid 20s and i feel like they made me the biggest loser.
As I grow older, started to think and realized if parents were the source of incompetence for not nurturing correctly. They wanted me to be enslaved instead of encouraging me to express and choose path and educating without biases. They’re driven by insane emotions, negative emotions. I have doubt in them. I was wrong.
Children are not obligated to suffer the trauma of the parents. Children are indepent conscious smart humans. Not tools. And if parents are not willing to admit it, you have the outmost right and duty to be a monster and put boundaries so YOU can move on with your life. I know what’s like. I had to do it woth my parents. Telling them nicely for years solved nothing. They looked at me as:,, THE AUDACITY!? ” Only when I started to not give a f about their opinions and managed and succeeded by following my own path did I gain enough self confidence to fucing lash out at them as a mad wolf. Barely afterwards i could get the respect i deserved. As if I was born in a family of beasts not humans! I bet you a trilion dollars most of the crimes in the world can be traced back to dysfunctional families! Therefore most of the times, the parents should go to jail! And the state for failing us.
I’ve lived for my parents so much. They both had cancer as I was a teen and I got into the idea they could be gone which turned out into doing studies I hated for them then getting into huge depression that turned into some kind of psychosomatic pain which is still not gone 3 years later. Then I decided to pursue what I really wanted to see if that would heal me and I partially healed but my parents don’t understand my choice. I am not available enough for them. (Once per month per parent as they are seperated) I hate my parents sometimes.
Same. Somebody says that if I get dependant from my parents and then I can control my life by myself, and If I get any help from my parents I should lend them some my life in their control in crutial parts, because they’re the only one who cares about me. Sadly, I’ve never felt happiness under my parents, and I don’t agree that they could give me the best way In my life. Their way of thinking are 30 years older than me, and ofcourse something from me is much better than my parents(ofcourse my parents are also better than me in some other parts; I respect them) but they don’t want to listen to me because that would make me out of control which will make them tired. I have been in culture where kids have to respect their parents in no reason, absolutely, and I think those cultural things makes some parents in my country that THEY are always give better choice than their kids. They don’t truly respect their kid’s point of view. When I lived only in my country I felt like I was a bad guy, but when I’ve been California for 6 months, I just realized how good person I am and how my culture and parents are so pressive to the youngsters and not respectful. These kind of thinking(of parents, ofcourse) makes their kids really hard for their life, and also makes relationship between their kids and their parents worse. Well ofcourse, they won’t change until I just move out of my house further and further…. Sadly…. So I really admire life in US, well life maybe also have hard point in there, but I’m convinced that It has better, relaxed relationship than here.
My parents divorced when I was 16. My mother is religious and seems to live in the past and isn’t very well informed, my father thinks he’s smarter than everyone because he “watches the news” everyday. When i speak to my mother she always looks at me face to face, but everything goes over her head and she doesn’t have any idea about what i say, and reply’s back with something that has nothing to do with what i just said. My father on the other hand never looks at me in the face when i speak, he just stares at the computer, cell phone, or even when those are not around he’ll just stare at something and never replies back at all except for “uhmm” and in a very bored i dont give a shit way. I really don’t want to have anymore contact with them in my life
Another way to look at it: you want to befriend the things that disrupts your plan, so you can be comfortable enough to negotiate with them. If that doesn’t work, if they’re not willing to consider the prospect of you having any control, and the things keep disrupting your plans and have no regards for your pursuits, cut them off, no matter how harsh or painful that might be… I met this person who had a rocky relationship with her parents. She wanted to start her own business, but her parents wouldn’t let her, saying that the only way to become “filthy rich” is by working your ass of for someone else like the rest of us and praying you’ll win the lottery. She cut off all contact with her parents and started working het ass of. Today she runs a growing business, and she’s expected to become a millionaire within a decade. Suddenly her parents tried to contact her again while pretending they were always supported her dreams. She says that that’s not her style and she wishes for them that the lottery bills won’t bring them in soon.
I am terrified of telling my parents I want to pursue music. I don’t have any reason to be, actually quite the opposite. My parents have been great to my brother and I and have done nothing but want the best for me. Idk why I’m so afraid of their reaction, but I it’s holding me back from further pursuing a career in music.
I like the tinker bell fantasy “if you do nothing, you’ll be nothing later, take a risk” article by him more. I also want to say that going to the dorms and also having my own apartment later were extremely important to be becoming independent. I learned I am a good person, and being away from my abusive mother was exactly the safe environment of a college that I needed. That being said I still rely on my mother (from a distance) for safety. I think we need people for guidance in our lives, even if it is not parents. It takes a village.
My mom never encouraged me as a child to pursue a career In animation as a character designer and visual development artist because she depends on her friends to agree and disagree and also she tells me that I have to be a certain race to do this job and tells me you have brown skin and her friend said she never seen character designer in canada who is indian only techs
My father wants me to be a nurse practitioner, but I want to pursue a career in Fine Arts and become an animator hopefully having my own series one day. However going to nursing school is making my dad very happy. He has a plan laid out for me where I will eventually become the owner of a hospital, and meet my future husband and settle done with kids, which is something I do not want, but I do it because it makes dad proud 😒. But I have all these ideas and skill for fine arts and animation, and have worked hard on writing my series. So as of now I’m stuck and not sure what to do, I’m afraid I’ll lose the respect of my dad if I listen to my heart.
I’m 20 and recently started making my own decisions by sometimes defying them. I am trying to establish a peer relationship based on mutual respect and understanding. It’s going well so far since I’m not directly telling them they’re wrong. That would sound condescending so I’m showing them that I’m capable of making sound choices.
I became a man child. I was in a path of becoming an independent adult and was going to assist them by helping pay off their home. Truly, I was depressed most of my teenage life and young adult life during university studies. It did not go well for me. I got ill. But my narcissistic parents just used my failure, my illness, and inability to get a job to continue their mental abuse but now as an adult. I have severe ADHD and am probably autistic as it was difficult for me to have friends when I was in university. I almost became a teacher at age 25 but this career did not go as planned. I am not sure what I became after this. I felt more like an adult, taller, and stronger. Now in my 30s, I felt like I retrogressed, more childish, my family relationship has been strained, I sound childish now, weaker. I have argued with my parents for years. My mother and father always lacked empathy and did not let me correct my mistakes and would always make my mistakes into greater problems. This always happened since I was a child.
I wish my mother was realistic. She blames me for everything, never takes my side in any situation, etc. She’s a blame thrower, she’s SUPER manipulative, and she tucks tail when you call her out. She doesn’t believe she’s wrong, EVER. I’m just going to treat her well, and ignore her ideas, because my dad thought for her for almost forty years, and now she doesn’t know what to do, doesn’t listen to anyone, and doesn’t care if anyone else is damaged by her flagrantly stupid choices
I love my parents but we have had conflict ever since I was four. My parents divorced when I was four and now I have four parents. I love them all but I can’t always talk to them because I feel like what ever I say they won’t understand. I’m 18 now and I still feel they look at me like a child. I’m a senior in highschool. However I’ve never had a job because I’ve been so focused on school. Im planning on getting my drivers license this year so I think everything will turn out ok. I’ve already been expected into my university and I’m happy and proud of myself. However, when my parents tell me I don’t take care of myself I don’t understand them sometimes because I feel I do take care of myself. Im starting to drink more water, keep myself clean, cooking for myself, cleaning behind myself. Im trying to do it all and learn and figure out what is best for me.
(I’m 32) So my boyfriend asked my parents for my hand in marriage and my mom has been on this tangent for a week now. My has been thinking things over before giving his blessing. My boyfriend lives in another state but the kicker is that we’re only an hour and 40 mins away from each other you would think I’m moving to another county 😂. She doesn’t think I should move “so far away” and that I have more support here. She has this God complex like she knows everything like everything she says is “right”. It’s like she doesn’t want me adulting like I should. At first she couldn’t wait to call my boyfriend her son in law but now that the opportunity has presented itself and I’ll be moving to the state he’s in oh she’s furious lol. She keeps finding new things to come up with or a scenario to come up as to why I should stay here. 🤦🏽♀️
I am 38 years old my parents been married for 39 years and my parents want me to be by myself…they are always in my relationship delimmas as if theirs is peaches and creams. All my exs tell me it feels like they are dating me my mother my sister and father. Amd that i will never have a relationship if my family always trying to give their 10cents to everything i do. When no one tells them what to do in their relationship.
my parents always want the next level. always a better job, always a better salary. they think more about the salary. even if i were at the top company in my country i bet then they’d push me to move abroad and work in Europe or something. i’m never enough. my current salary makes me happy. the job is not stressful and no toxic people, i have a social life, can go to events, have hobbies,weekend getaways to nature, a nice house etc. and with my fiancee bu my side. my life is good for me. but their dissatisfaction still makes me sad. i can’t help it
This is sticky. I love my parents and want their approval. They don’t always agree with the choices I make but as long as they are living, I will try to strive to be the kind of people they are and the kind of person they raised me to be. I respect, honor and cherish my parent’s opinion. They’ve helped me make great decisions and helped me out of loads of trouble. I dread the day when I can’t ask them “daddy, what do you think?” Or “Momma, how would you do this?”
I still don’t have a life with my mother who is 78 years old and I’m60 years old. I was a good kid. I’m still a good kid because I excelled and a good person . I stoped talking to my mother today. We just had a talk and she is who she always was and I tried to think better of her. I tried to accept her behaviors and i can’t any longer. She insulted me today and thats it.
Mines went rogue when i dyed my hair and got even more mad when i talked back saying how irrelevant it was :/ My psychologist didn’t even care ’bout it, and everyone i know was cheering me on except for them. I think (this is kinda dark) that they’re mad I’m not blonde anymore because they considered it a superior colour… Anyways, tried using common sense but doesn’t work. Any ideas?
You need a better argument about why do you care what your parents think of you. We call care what people who know us, think about us. Sure, a stranger living 1000 miles away that I have never met can think whatever he wants, I won’t care. But people close to you matter. And for good reason that you know.
My parents became wealthy 1st generation immigrants. Often they would tell me to work in the business because it’s for you. But when I tried to do anything creative, make decisions, problem solve, I was shot down. It hindered my growth and suppressed my creativity. I eventually realized my help in the business was for my parents. Right now I have 3 brothers over 30, one of those brothers is 41, working in the business off of a small stipend. They are lazy and my parents constantly complain but will never let them go either.
I NEED HELP I am 20 yrs old I spent all my life in school trying to please my family and never disappointing them I was in 2nd year university where things got financially messy at home then I couldn’t continue But you see I spent my whole life in school,I got pretty good in architecture and I can say I am pretty creative I need help,1st time in my life I got suicidal thoughts😢 and for once I am thinking of leaving my family and go leave alone They (Dad&mom)make me feel like I am the cause of this financial crisis😢😢
I am 47 years old and my parents are elderly. I have only recently realised that my mother is a narcissist and my father is an alcoholic (I’ve always known that) I went home for Christmas this year to spend some time with them. I shouldn’t have gone. It’s just cemented my feelings about the way that they treat me. Despite having cancer last year and almost dying, I am unable to get their approval. My mum is furious that I am thinner than her (I’m only thin because of the cancer) and my dad is not talking to me because I posted photos of him (and the rest of my family) on Instagram. It’s fucking ridiculous. I honestly don’t want to have a relationship with either of them anymore. Which is so sad because they are old and their time on this earth is limited. As may mine be as well. I have always been a disappointment to them and I have spent my life trying to seek their approval. I will never be good enough for them. It’s time that I stop caring.
My parents really want to take over my life, they push me to dump my cat like trash and dump my boyfriend because they want me to be single. My mom is really obsessed with my age and a my looks. She is telling everyone in the family that im single but im not. She is using my photos to catfish men on the internet and tell them in single eventhough im not. I’m a 31 year old woman… I’m independent but my father said that I’m always wrong and my choices in life are always wrong and he is always right.
We all have our special set of talents in life, I surpassed my father in automotive repair, but not in carpentry. Now whenever I build something eg. a roof on my porch, deck for my pool, etc. he takes over the project and makes me feel like a fool. The funny thing is, he knows his shit. But dammit man, I get so furious when I’m belittled like that.
Yep….Parents need to understand that they are not in control. I have a 15 yo daughter…and she is completely free to make her own choices without any punishment or consequences from me. I have never told her to do anything, she does it if she wants to. Like…she hates cleaning…so I don’t make her….I clean everything! If we have a disagreement about something…we both sit down and talk about it. I never get angry or annoyed, I want to know what she has to say. And MOST times I side with her. Whatever her choice is, IF I can fulfill that choice for her, I give it to her….its not my place to make choices for her!
So I work at a factory. Tbh money is nice but not something I enjoy to work at. They made me work factory jobs like them. I was working at a dealership doing like oil changes and changing tires and it was little pay but I enjoyed to learn more and get into more depth of the automotive industry. They told me I had to quit because I wasn’t going anywhere with it. Right now I have full confidence on where and what I want to do. The thing is I’m afraid to even say anything to them and yet this past week my dad said “look at that salesman… he didn’t go to college and here you are just working” like I wanted to say something but I held it in
I feel so horrible about myself 😢 my parents say “YOU can not be a football player ” my parents said this to me “YOUR BROTHER WILL BE A LAWYER YOUR LITTLE SIS WILL BE JUDGE I WILL GIVE YOUR SIBLING ALOT OF MONEY I WILL GIVE THEM MY PROPERTYS,ANS ILL GIVE YOU a field “PLAY YOUR STUPID FOOTBALL THERE I am a stupid unsuccessful dork 😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢
I’m just trying my hardest man and maybe that’s not enough. I’m really trying. I don’t know how much more I can take. Is it all my fault? Am I just a terrible person and son? Maybe I am just the embarrassment of the family, the misery of the family, the reason my sibling and his girlfriend want to leave. Maybe I am just horrible, but something is screaming in me still it’s not. I fucking hate this, idk if I’m a narcissist or not and I hate my life rn. Idk how much longer I can take, this feeling feels like it’s lasted forever and I hate to play victim. I always try to see what I’m doing wrong with no motive of convenience, at least I think. Like I said, I can’t tell right from wrong anymore. But I have no friends and no one to talk to, no job or no drivers license which I’m in the process of getting but it’s taking longer than expected it. My father makes me feel like a loser, and my mother is never there for me. I have no girlfriend, no real meaningful friends who listen or are consistently there for me. My father constantly ridicules me and calls me a loser and I’m falling out with God. Someone please pray for me. I’m sick man, I just want comfort.
I always had to take responsibility for my mom. She’s suffering from severe depression and PTSD due to her past traumas and experiences. She never divorced my father even though he’s a bit responsible for her PTSD as well. I learned at an early age on what it meant to have “children”. I’ve done all the paperwork for my parents and had to be there when decisions were made. It’s good and it’s bad. It made me highly responsible and I can rely on myself and I know that I can ONLY rely on myself. It’s good. But it did affect my relationship with other people as well. Not gonna lie about it. But it is what it is. I’ll still take care of them bc they are my parents. Not sure if I’ll ever have children or a partner. But it is what it is. Maybe that’s my destiny.
When I Was Younger I Was Always Taught to Put Family 1st,I Was Never Taught That It’d Come at a Such a Hefty Price,I Love my Family Always Will,But my Mental,&,Emotional Health Suck Now Because I’ve Always Done my Best to Put Them 1st,&,to Always Make Them Happy,I Have 0 Independence,I Hate Myself so Fucking Much
JP, sir you always help me. I’ve had a traumatic experience with my family, my mom, dad left me with my uncles and aunts when I was a kid and they were ignorant and arrogant jerks. Fast forward to today when I’m trying to heal myself, my mom and dad expect me to submit my whole life to their desires just because it’s a tradition of sons acting like absolute servants to their parents. I tried many times to help them out of our conditions, but all I got was neglect, criticism and disrespect. Now I’m looking forward to the day when I’ll graduate, I’ll leave this country and never come back 🙂
Whatever my mom advises me to do always backfires me. But I have always wanted her approval. I still do! I don’t wanna upset her. I don’t wear colours that she doesn’t like for me no matter how much I love it, I still talk to the people she likes no matter how much they’ve caused harm to me, I still go to places where she wants me to go no matter how much I hate that place. I’m 21. I know it’s not too late. But I just can’t switch my entire personality overnight. She’s selfish I know that very well. All she says is that I am a loser, and when I do something that I like she has some weird expressions on her face, she says I am making wrong choices and all, she never supported me in anything! When I was a kid she used to hit me for anything. If I mention those now, she says I’m lying and she has never hurt me. She is always emotionally unavailable for me. I always cried alone in the bathroom. I even tried to self harm when I was about 10/11. But all those stopped when I was 15 or 16. She stopped hitting me. But she started torturing me mentally. If something happens she stops talking to me for days. If I try to talk she ignores me. And she’s doing it until now. Sometimes she wonders why don’t I help her without her asking. Why don’t I take care of her! But I have not learned to do so, it doesn’t come from my heart. I am very passionate for other people. But I don’t know I can’t feel her pain. I don’t feel connected to her. Maybe that’s why I go extra miles so that I don’t end up hurting her.
I am basically not interested in coaching centers as I believe in self learning with the help of online teachers who are very qualified than coaching teachers..as I don’t go to coaching my parents doubt me a lot.They think I’m not doing the right thing or going in the wrong path. They dont understand my situation. For their doubt,I started to doubt myself!! Please help
Every time I try to confront/have a personal and decisive discussion with my mother about something that doesn’t seem to be OK or if I’m trying to explain my point out, she keeps offending and comparing me to my father… They’re divorced, he’s mentally ill (on pills to keep in check the schizophrenic disease) and this doesn’t help me at all. I had 2 step-dads, the biological one was often marginalized but luckily I can cope with it but it’s hard sometimes… I came to the conclusion that she hates masculinity in general, which is a toxic way to handle life after all. My advice for someone in the same spot – go on your path, focus on yourself, ignore the negativity and distance yourself even more (when needed). For everyone that read this – God bless you. You’re stronger than you think
The more older we get i came to the realisation that yes respect your parents but dont let them control you in such a way that you relaise later that youcouldve lived your life at the same time learn what they shouldve taught us was to be able to ask them whats wrong n right and also give us freedom in such a way that we dont fuck up ourselves but now its like a religion thing n society too binding us so i understand now y americans let their child leave the house .
You know what’s really bad is when the parents are out of control with their kids and then the kids bring their business to school like they tell all their parents’ business about what’s going on in at home now you got the school in your business cuz you are out of control at home and in school you the kids bad parent Hood
I live with my two brothers, away from my both parents in another country, my dad is very toxic and he failed in everything basically, he never had a job, he never provided any type of anything except being a narcissist and violent, he never put any thing in the right position basically if any of my siblings had trouble or just had a fight he would responds aggressively and make it worse we never asked him to do anything for us because we know the tragedy the trauma that we going to deal with after that . My mother is the one who chose this life, I’m telling you she had a choice of divorce, but she refused, she kept living with this abusing man, once this summer he pulled out a knife and tried to kill me in front of her and she never do anything! It was Avery simple basic issue that I had between me and my toxic brother, I know my story kinda not that clear, it’s because I have so much things that I want share but it would take me along time. My brothers that I’m living with are mean toxic type, they know that my mom always by their side and know pretty will she don’t see their faults even if they’re pretty bad and horrible, because they’re men ! She would say it with her words “you’re a girl and you have to be patient over you male brothers because they’re men, and this how men act(by abusing) and women are stronger and smarter, god made women to clean after men because they’re don’t know how to do it” and so on, basically she is trying to control me and change me into her! She always tell me how to love and act like a girl and treat men, meanwhile she married my dad, the question Is how to protect myself and my confidence from her and toxic family, I don’t wanna end up like her, or even close?
I made the decision to pull the plug on my dad because it was the right thing yo do. I also cared about the way he thought about me more then the person taking my coffee order. Hes a member of my family. I care for him and about him. Part of that is seeing myself through his eyes. Caring how he views me doesn’t control me. I still make moves. If I think he’s disappointed in a move I look at it and think. If I still thinks it’s the right decision I make it. I respect him and his opinion.
I have great parents, but there are a few bizarre things that bother them that i can’t reason with them about. They think stories with any form of magic or percieved magic is evil. As a writer, this frustrates and upsets me. Tolkien and cs Lewis are two of the greatest writers who ever lived, they were both christian/carholic and the wrote fantasy stories with magic. Is what they’ve made now suddenly evil even though they had christain values? It makes no sense. My stories will have a magic system, and I’m kind of grieving over the fact they won’t be very encouraging once they start reading what I’m making. I keep explaining to them that magic is just a writing tool, but all they can say in response is “evil is evil” and say that “God will reveal this to you in time” which is some of the most demeaning shit they’ve ever said to me. They’re normally people i can reason with, but this is such a weird argument that has no ground to it and they refuse to listen.
How about this dynamic… I’m in a situation where my mom is telling me that… the devil, will try to get me, to not talk to somebody (I think of how I have trust issues right now… And I shifted the way I talk to my parents, and others, even potential friends). And I’m feeling that my mom wants to protect me. It’s not her fault right? That’s the job of a mother, I don’t know where her heart is but am I meant to know where her heart is?
You must be loving, caring, and respectful to your parents, seek their counsel, and when they ask you for something, rush to do it. This is what Islam teaches me. As far as opinions go, especially those concerned with one’s affairs, none of them should stop one from pursuing a noble cause. There is no harm, I think, to do one’s own bidding regardless of parental opinion, taken that one behaves with the utmost love and respect.
Subject: Parents tears 😢 with children 1. Childrens in the past years had good feelings, good thinking, good habits good attitudes and were in the path of good character. 2. Childrens of today are totally different from the above except very few. Today’s children totally disobey their parents, they even have no good attitudes or feelings or habits to practice. They simply live as they want. 3. Showing respect to their parents happened in the past, but it’s not happening in today’s world. Its almost a regretful matter to think of. Children of today are paining their parents and making them to fall into a mental illness. These things are widely happening in today’s world. 4. Respecting the parents happened in the past. Respecting the parents doesn’t happening now. Respecting the parents will never be happening in the future to come. 5. The word ‘RESPECT’ is getting erased little by little and this word will totally get vanished in the hereafter. By: Dawood ✍ Written on: 10.02.2022
I love my parents dearly and want nothing but the best for them ❤ BUT…………… I feel like I’m always pretending to be what they want me to be instead of who I really am. They don’t approve or like the real me so I give them what they want. And I have major resentment towards them because of it! I hide it from them and it’s building 🤯 💥 I try and be the bigger person but it’s killing me 😞
my mom and dad say respect tham but thare not one thig to respect he kick out there kid when get to 24 and Verbal abuse is all the time and only cares what about what they what and what me to give tham massage for just geting me a soda and shit like it suck and they hate on the usa all the time im from the usa and she and but my dad is they suck as a mom and dad i what to leave but i dont what to go back to my real fam and shit but i cry all the time my life sucks sometime i what to end but i dont bc my dog and grand ma is hare
I respectfully disagree. My thinking is that my parents chose to put financial stability on the line so that I could succeed. In a way they are investors or shareholders in me. Every good business owner will say that one role of the business is to appease the shareholders and make money for them and the business. Shareholders do not always know what is important for the business though. Therefore you should listen to your parents in all matters, but be willing to discuss and explain every disagreement. If you are middle class, think of how much they put into you. They lost social freedoms, and likely up to a quarter-million dollars in today’s money BEFORE COLLEGE. Think of that in yearly costs and take it into proportion to their yearly earnings over the years of raising you. They would have had starter position earnings most likely. If you disrespect your parents with this in mind, I truly hope the shame of this knowledge weighs on you your entire life.
My Dad used to always say, only half-joking, “Your reward for good behavior is no punishment.” I NEVER heard the words, “I’m proud of you.” Just recently, my dentist told his assistant, ” Wow, it looks like we have a flosser here.” I was actually only flossing a couple of times a week, but since he noticed, I’ve started flossing twice a day. It occurred to me that his positive reinforcement of my occasional flossing motivated me far more than all the years my previous dentists said, “You need to floss more!”
I used to teach Taekwondo. I had one kid that I didn’t like. He didn’t listen, he was annoying, he generally didn’t have a great attitude. But one day, he did a great job with everything. And I told his Dad, “He did a great job today.” The next class, that kid came up to me and thanked me. It really made his day that not only did I notice, but I made sure his Dad knew, too.
I’ve learned the hard way that you can’t reason with kids when they get into temper tantrums. They literally cannot use any logical portion of their brain, they just need to be conditioned over time to learn to gain control. The hard part about being a parent is just like Jordan says, you have to keep your cool and you cannot hold grudges in any capacity with your child. If you’ve never had kids or dealt with them in a childcare capacity, that is way harder than you think it is. Prior to becoming a parent, if anyone treated you the way your kids do when they’re acting badly, you would cut that person out of your life immediately and never speak to them again. So, you’re in essence trying to overcome your own mental wiring to keep yourself collected in those moments and in the aftermath.
7:04 When the young man in the front right asks how to reward a child. There’s three incredible things you can say that will boost their confidence and build them into a great person. 1 I love you. 2 I’m proud of you. 3 You’re good at (_____)/ good job. Many people go through life never hearing those three sentences.
Your advice on raising children(from your books) really changed my life as a father of two little girls. My wife came from a great family and I continue to learn from her parents but I was raised by a single mother. Your advise really gave me clarity and direction on how to be a better father and husband. I need all the help I can get, lol. Thank you for all that you do for humanity.
I’ve got 3 children. They were all different. We always used this method and with 2 it worked fine. The 3th thought that after every rage outburst his parents would forgive him and so he thought the consequences were not that big and he kept doing it. So after he came back from the corner we started putting toys in the closet which he could earn back with good behaviour. And only then it started to work.
One thing I learned perusal my cousin is never tell them they are a genius. Never be like you are a genius since you are the top of the class. Always give the credit to the work they put in and always subtly emphasize that the result they got is from the work her did. This will build in his mind that the results are under his control and not something external like genetics which he cannot control. My cousin was the genius kid he literally got amazing grades with just the content he learned from class. But as he reached college, he started finding it harder to sit down and study. Grades began to slip and his parents started with how lazy it is and how he used to be a genius but lost all of it because he spends all his time on the phone.
Rebellious children are remarkably intelligent. They question authority because they see past it’s fragile guises. They behave in a way that pushes boundaries so that they can know the space in which they can operate. They express their emotions, because it’s an effective way to communicate. Be careful how you treat rebellious kids, because they are a blessing to society.
Love this and need the reminder. Sometimes the idea of “gentle parenting” just ends up being lackluster, Ill effective, and demoralizing to parents. This kind of advice encompasses the good of the concept, but also really enforces that idea of “don’t let your kids be someone you don’t like” that often gets lost
In the US Army our NCOs have a creed with a line that says “I will be fair and impartial when recommending rewards and punishments.” This is a very difficult thing for most people to get right but when you do it has a huge effect on everyone around you. We also do this thing called an After Action Report, which is done after every training whatever it may be. Basically the leader recaps with the group, asking them what was supposed to happen, what did happen, what went wrong, what went right. When done well, this can be a good, informal way of gently addressing mistakes while also giving credit for positive things. When done in a group this can be effective for modifying behavior (as well as making training better for next time).
My 3 year old son went into a vortex of a tantrum while we were in a restaurant once. I picked him up and went outside where we both sat down on the ground. I told him that we’ll just wait here together for the storm to pass. And I just waited without saying another word while he raged. When he eventually came out of his vortex I said to him “Is that it, are we done?” He acquiesed, so I said, “Right, lets go back in and get some food – I’m starving.” He was fine after that. I don’t remember if that ever happened again.
I wish to God I could go back and read Jordan’s books before I had kids. I made so many mistakes and really continued the trauma parenting my Mom did. Only my Mom was (is) a depressed alcoholic. I grew up hating my parents with a lot of resentment but ended up in the same trap. It took me several years to really see the trauma, see the habits, and recognize the negative behavior. I’m still trying to fix it but it’s really hard.
My sons hit 5 and he went from trying to always please us at 4 to challenging literally every instruction, request and arguing the opposite to near every statement now hes 5. We went to an ancestral gathering, a camping, wild crafts and survivalist gathering which he loved. However at one point a man visited who along with his small family were the last fluent speakers of an old nearly forgotten language. My son got impatient and when a lady came over to gently explain to my boy “this man is keeping his language alive” my son did his usual trick of arguing the opposite and said “I wish the language was dead”. The lady instantly walked away noticeably upset. From a strangers perspective it made my son seem like a devil child, but when I talked to him after he didn’t know how a language can be alive or dead and had no idea what he had really said….. Just one example, but man its a really tough challenging time for us as parents.
Oh my God Jorden Sir you are an awesome father!!! Im a high school lecrurer for the 11th and 12 grade in Mumbai, India. Been listening to you for about 2 months now and I can say that your methods, to being a better person, are implementable and so relieving to the soul. I punished myself so hard to overcome my mistakes till 2 months ago. But now I’m learning well. ❤
My son agreeable, loves to help. My daughter different matter. Instead of asking why, she will ask why not. Me: don’t jump on couch. Her: why, not jump? But she stopped having tantrums in shopping centres after I just sat next to her letting her scream and kick around. No eye contact, no words. After about an hour. She wiped her tears, said sorry Mummy and we hugged. She’s never had a tantrum in public agian.
After listening to this and having flashbacks to my own childhood, I asked myself “why do we do them when they’re so hard to deal with”. Some kids really are monsters. Are you ready for this as a parent? Are you going to give up on him or are you going to complicate things while trying to discipline him? Dealing with a monster child requires a great deal of patience and dedication. In order to make such sacrifices from your life, you have to be satiated with life. this is why most parents fail.
don’t break the mugs son… Son “noooooooooooo ahhhhhhhhhhahh” Dad> “fine, lets do it your way” Father and son gathered some mugs went outside and broke away. What happened next was very unexpected. The father and son started laughing and bounding. The son calmer now, Decided to finally listen to his dad. The mug breaking stopped. Now they go clay shooting together 😉
I really like how he mentioned breaking our egos because I’ve done that to myself in order to grow and it augmented my mind so many times in a weird way where I felt like I unlocked the mysteries of the universe. In the end I became addicted to that feeling and thinking there was so much more I could open myself up to if I just shifted my perspective and retrained myself so I became my own parents
Spot on Dr JP. Children need 2 things, both equally important: reward & praise for doing well on the one hand and strict boundaries which they cannot cross on the other hand. Children growing up without boundaries will keep pushing until they reach a boundary, & if they don’t encounter one they are likely to end up in a bad place, with issues like perhaps juvenile delinquency or personality disorders. And the kids who are never rewarded for doing well are likely to feel unappreciated, unnoticed and end up with issues like low self esteem and yes, even personality disorders. Positive and negative reinforcement often go hand in hand with each other and both are tantamount to neglect & even abandonment. The proper socialisation process of kids as Dr JP describes here is essential to raising well balanced adults capable of functioning at their optimum capacity or even functioning at all.
Before labeling a child as rebellious, first make sure you are not abusive. Rebellion is a natural reaction to abuse. I was labeled a lot of things as a child, all because nobody I encountered wanted to entertain the possibility that maybe he’s telling the truth about his minister parents. Abusive people seek out positions of authority so their integrity won’t be questioned.
Yeah. My mom was really bad about discipline. If we didn’t do what she wanted she’d scream, berate, and spank us as punishment. Then, when we’d actually do what she wanted, she’d find something about our effort she didn’t like to mock and shame us further. There was never a win for us, only pain/humiliation, so it didn’t take long for us to become numb to it all, just tune her out and do nothing. Basically, shooting herself in the foot.
I can relate. My older son is very strong willed. I had to remove him from the flat a few times into the staircase to sit on the stairs at the age of 3-9. He would bang on the door and ring the bell so I had to turn it off. Sometimes it took 10-15 minutes for him to calm down. He still has a temper at 17 but manages it very well on his own now. Sometimes he is just angry for no obvious reason then he retreats until he can verbalize it so we can work it out. It is good to establish ways for children to work on their emotions early on, otherwise I would have serious problems now, he is now (at least physically) able to challenge me. It sounds really bad when I read this now, but he is a nice kid most of the time. I do agree tho, sometimes you don’t like your children when they are being uncivilized little monsters. Whenever there was such a situation I remembered a sencence I heard somewhere: “Love me when I deserve it the least, because it is when I need it the most.” Children need parent’s love and guidance in their worst moments, how else can they learn?
HAHA! Ohmygoodness! Back when my children were pre-school age, my older son, who never threw fits in public before, threw a fit in the middle of the mall. I don’t even remember why. As he laid on the floor, I calmly bent over, pointed to a seat close by and told him we will be sitting over there and that when he is ready to re-join society, he may join us. Then we calmly walked over, sat down, and had conversation. People were staring, but that wasn’t my concern. A few minutes passed and he realized his actions were not getting him attention, so he calmed down and walked over to me. I asked him if he was done, he nodded yes. I smiled at him and we got on with our day. He never did it again.
Lollll I once baby sat 2 children. It was time to clean up. The boy started crying loudly in hopes he’d not have to help. I told him to stop it and clean up his huge mess, so he cried harder. His big sister sayed, “oh he will just get so upset that he throws up from crying” LOL I looked him dead in the eye and sayed “I’m not cleaning your mess, and I’m not cleaning your throw up – that would be disgusting and so you will be cleaning it up by yourself” Big sister was stunned, but the boy stopped crying and attempted to pick up his toys. I refused every babysitting job after that, it’s not for me lol
My son at 2 was very difficult, patience was key and I promised myself I would never be like my mum strict and cruel but he was and still a very smart kid and will try to cross many boundaries and sometimes I would have to go the old ways a smack in his bottom and he will laugh because he knew I was doing the wrong thing as I explained to him it was wrong so he knew I was weak for doing that but at the age of 7 he stop the hitting face which always and only was me not his dad or other children but as always other challenges evolve and its always a worry when you have such a responsibility over another human being but over all I love being a mum even if it hurts at times, it makes me stronger and learn a lot about myself as a person.
On interviewing our six kids, of all the punishments they hated the most was the “bad boy square”. It was time out with a name. They didn’t like the stigma of the name because everyone knew the one standing on the hated square was naughty. We used other methods, even the tabooed corporal punishment. Today we have two well behaved teenaged children and 4 hardworking well disciplined young adult children who love each other and their parents, and they are joys to be around, who enjoy the good favor of society about them.
I really love and appreciate Jordan Peterson. He is brilliant and courageous. However I do disagree to some extent on his perspective on disciplining children. There are a variety of strategies I believe can be done rather than isolating your child to sort of figure it out themselves especially at the age of 2.
It’s quite funny to me how Jordan is a pretty outspoken opponent of authoritarian forms of government (as everyone should be hopefully) yet he takes a pretty authoritarian approach to parenting. Makes him look like a hypocrite if you ask me, also his 5th rule from his book proves this point as well. Maybe he’s just so complex, or maybe he’s just a dumb person’s intellectual figure?
Idk, this never sounded all good to me… His kid’s problem in the first place was that he couldn’t control himself.. and he left him alone with the problem and put an expectation on him and if he failed, he would’ve even punished him by excluding him… Is it better if the child figures it out by him/herself or is there a way to and should you try to help them?
Completely agree with the notion that most people don’t like their kids. And I’m 100% pro-child. But observationally, during the peak of c-19, I at least heard of many families really struggling to co-habitat. I sure heard my (childless) neighbors fighting a lot. I personally had postpartum depression twice. That’s a nightmare, let me tell you. I used to consider it unimaginable that someone would harm their little one, but that was a brutal walk in (what felt like) someone else’s shoes. I know now that I’m capable of horrible actions, at my worst. If you start feeling like that, just follow these steps: Take the baby and put them in their crib safely (or carseat, just somewhere they can’t get hurt). Walk away. Put in earplugs and set a timer for 15 minutes. Or call somebody who can come over, if possible. Fact is, we’re responsible for keeping our kids safe. And sometimes, YOU are not a safe place for them. It will be alright. 15 minutes of them crying is far better than the harm you could otherwise do. <3