Childhood abuse has been linked to the development of antisocial behavior and personalities, with a stronger relationship reported between adult depression and early childhood sexual abuse. Cognitive-behavioral approaches used in treating abused children include education about child abuse and common reactions, teaching safety skills, and addressing the impacts of abuse on the developing child using Erikson’s theory of psychosocial development.
Research indicates that there is a relationship between child abuse and borderline personality disorder (BPD). People with BPD report high rates of childhood sexual abuse, and those with BPD are more likely to have had childhood trauma than those without it. Childhood trauma may make individuals more prone to early bodily decline, leading to maladaptive personality traits and higher levels of neuroticism.
Adolescents exposed to childhood abuse often have lower levels of emotional stability, which in turn leads to depressive symptoms in adulthood. Highly self-critically perfectionistic individuals are vulnerable to intense depression, often accompanied by suicidal impulses when confronted. Childhood maltreatment has often been observed as a precursor related to the onset of personality disorders, most specifically borderline personality disorders.
This paper discusses the personality development of physically abused children from selected regions in Malaysia. A total of 106 children from a selected region showed fewer friends, lower ambitions, and lower self-esteem. Elementary school students who have been abused show behaviors such as aggression, disruptive behaviors, poor emotions, and lack of social relationships. Understanding the short- and long-term consequences of various types of child abuse remains challenging.
📹 Childhood Trauma: The Lives of the Neglected Children
Children who experience physical, cognitive or emotional neglect, often face anxiety. As a result, their body produces stress …
Does childhood trauma cause personality disorders in adults?
A study has demonstrated a correlation between childhood traumas and the development of personality disorders, with individuals diagnosed with borderline personality disorder exhibiting a higher prevalence of childhood sexual trauma.
How does abuse affect personality development?
Traumatic childhood events can significantly impact an individual’s brain and body function, emotions, memory, thinking, self-perception, and relationships. Women, particularly those who feel trapped by abuse, are most likely to develop these effects. Sexual abuse affects women from all backgrounds, with one in five experiencing childhood abuse and one in two experiencing assault or attempted assault as adults. Trauma is a normal response to abuse, and many children develop coping mechanisms that persist into adulthood.
What are the six long term effects of abuse?
Child abuse and neglect are linked to various health issues, including behavioral issues, heart, lung, liver, obesity, diabetes, depression, anxiety disorders, increased suicide attempts, criminal behaviors, illicit drug use, alcohol abuse, risky sexual behavior, and unintended pregnancies. The long-term impact of these issues extends beyond individual victims, affecting healthcare, education, and criminal justice systems, as well as a community’s quality of life and economic prosperity.
What are the 5 personalities of childhood trauma?
Childhood trauma can lead to specific personality traits, such as codependency, helper, fixer, perfectionistic, anxious, or controlling. Life Coach and author Lisa A. Romano discusses how growing up in a dysfunctional home impacts the developing personality. She explains that our authentic self is waiting to emerge, but without inner child and emotional recovery work, our trauma personality remains a mask. It is possible to find the road back to the authentic self, set healthy boundaries, and cope with troubling family dynamics in healthier and more productive ways.
Can childhood trauma change your personality?
The effects of childhood trauma on the development of maladaptive personality traits and disorders have been well-documented. However, there is limited knowledge about personality-related problems that may arise in adulthood. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) was introduced in the DSM-III and later in the ICD-10 after military conflicts in South East Asia in the 1960s and 1970s. Most research focused on presenting symptoms, prognosis, and treatment response, indicating high mental and physical illness comorbidity in PTSD patients.
Experts argued that the existing PTSD diagnostic criteria failed to capture some of the enduring psychological problems experienced by adults exposed to major trauma. A new diagnostic category named Enduring Personality Change after Catastrophic Experience (EPCACE) was introduced to ICD-10, defined as a change of at least 4 years duration in how one perceives, relates to, or thinks about the environment and self following exposure to catastrophic trauma. This condition excludes individuals with a pre-trauma history of personality disorder and is meant to be used solely in cases with late-onset personality pathology.
A recent systematic review of extant literature suggested that a proportion of healthy adults exposed to severe trauma develop significant personality problems. However, the review also identified the absence of high-quality studies with appropriate controls and the lack of studies investigating pre-morbid personality pathology. Inconsistencies between ICD and DSM classifications reflect uncertainties about whether long-standing personality problems can result from exposure to severe trauma in adults.
The study aimed to investigate whether exposure to severe war-related trauma is associated with long-term personality pathology in adults, identifying the proportion of people with late-onset personality problems among adults with significant personality pathology.
How does child trauma impact personality development?
A child with a complex trauma history may exhibit unpredictable, oppositional, volatile, and extreme behavior due to their struggle with self-regulation and impulse control. They may also be overcontrolled, rigid, and unusually compliant with adults. This can lead to a sense of “spacey” and detachedness, and they may engage in high-risk behaviors such as self-harm, unsafe sexual practices, and excessive risk-taking.
They may also engage in illegal activities, such as alcohol and substance use, assaulting others, stealing, running away, and prostitution, making them more likely to enter the juvenile justice system.
Cognition is another area where children with complex trauma histories may struggle with thinking, reasoning, and problem-solving. They may struggle to plan ahead, anticipate the future, and act accordingly. They may struggle with acquiring new skills or taking in new information, and may show deficits in language development and abstract reasoning skills. Learning difficulties may require support in the academic environment.
Self-concept and future orientation are also affected by a child’s experiences with caregivers, who have the greatest influence on their sense of self-worth and value. Abuse and neglect can make a child feel worthless and despondent, leading to feelings of shame, guilt, low self-esteem, and a poor self-image.
Does trauma affect personality type?
Trauma has a profound impact on an individual, often altering their personality traits. Traumatic events, such as abuse, sudden death, or natural disasters, overwhelm an individual’s coping capacity, leading to significant changes in the human psyche. These changes can result in shifts in personality traits, such as characteristic patterns of thinking, feeling, and behavior. Research has shown that traumatic experiences can lead to significant personality changes, primarily through the development of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
PTSD can manifest in various ways, including increased vigilance, anxiety, and emotional dysregulation, all of which contribute to noticeable personality changes. Understanding the complex ways trauma can influence our personality is crucial for navigating the complex dynamics of our experiences.
What personality is shaped by childhood trauma?
Childhood adversity can lead to various negative traits, including anger, aggression, low agreeableness, and external success orientation. High neuroticism, influenced by early adversity, can lead to aggressive and impulsive behaviors, possibly learned from childhood experiences or as a protective measure against loss or maltreatment. Neglect or neglect can also result in difficulty getting along with others, leading to frequent arguments and a preference for “go it alone”.
Additionally, early negative experiences can lead to arrogance and unhealthy pride, bolstering an underlying sense of inadequacy or vulnerability. This can result in a desire for fame and financial success, often to ease the pain and privation of the past.
How does childhood neglect affect adulthood?
Childhood emotional neglect can lead to common mental disorders like PTSD, anxiety, depression, and substance abuse. It can also cause difficulties in building healthy relationships, such as with spouses or children. Neglect can stunt emotional development, leading to poor self-esteem and self-compassion in adulthood. Symptoms of childhood emotional neglect include poor emotional regulation, difficulty making friends, and blaming others for problems. Additionally, poor emotional connections and troubled relationships can result from childhood emotional neglect, making it difficult to form and maintain stable adult relationships.
What are the 4 main things childhood trauma deeply affects?
Childhood trauma significantly impacts an individual’s mental health, cognitive function, relationship formation, and self-worth. The rapid growth and development of our bodies, brains, and personalities during the first 10 years of life significantly impact our mental and physical health throughout our lives. Common forms of childhood trauma include physical or sexual abuse, neglect, and witnessing violence in the home.
Relational trauma disrupts the primary bond with parents or caregivers, while external events like extreme bullying or disasters like the pandemic can catalyze trauma. As children mature into adolescence, young adulthood, and beyond, the impact of childhood trauma manifests psychologically and physiologically in five ways:
- Physical or sexual abuse;
- Neglect;
- Relational trauma;
- Collective trauma created by disasters like the pandemic.
How does an abusive childhood affect adulthood?
An adult survivor of child abuse is someone who has endured the pain of child abuse and survived it. However, the survival tactics used to cope with the abuse can hinder their productive adult lives. Symptoms of survivors syndrome include relationship problems, low self-esteem, self-sabotage, sexual problems, trauma symptoms, physical ailments, social alienation, and difficulty handling feelings.
It is possible for survivors to recover from the abuse syndrome, but the recovery process can be challenging. It involves deep self-exploration and painful recollection of past events and people. Recovery is difficult to achieve alone, and there are various sources to turn to for help. It is essential to seek help from professionals who can help individuals recognize, manage, and express their feelings effectively.
📹 Childhood Trauma and the Brain | UK Trauma Council
A general introduction to what happens in the brain after children face traumatic experiences in childhood, like abuse and neglect.
The older I get, the more I realise how emotional neglected I was as a child – but I had always told how good I had it because I was spoiled with presents (and I’ll admit I was). But all the materials goods in the world don’t mean anything if you think you are worthless and a burden in the eyes of your family and yourself.
I grew up in the 80s in the Netherlands, having a story which is simular to this one. My mom just wanted a daughter, not a son, and our government allowed me to be put into such a boarding school since I was 5 yrs old. Lots of bad stuff happened there, and Im these days still being under heavy trauma treatment (emdr), distrusting basically everyone and having a lot of anxiety issues. I can confirm this theory is very true, and I hope that anyone who reads this or watches this article doesn’t do the same to their kids, or warn anyone who might think of doing the same to their kids. Thank you, Sprouts, for making and sharing this article. This is the 1st time in my life I actually see someone shining a light on this matter, and Im seriously thankful that you did. May there come a day that these horrible facilities will be closed..
‘Don’t go to your baby everytime she cries because that’ll teach her that she can get your attention everytime she cries, we did that to you and you were always quiet…you (and your sisters) were such good children, I used to spy on you to see if you were awake in the morning and always caught you just lying there waiting patiently for me, most babies cry for their parents when they wake up’. That’s my mum, ignorant to the core still, it boils my blood because she still boasts about her amazing child rearing techniques. Just for context me and younger sister have suffered from severe depression and anxiety all our lives, and older sister is a complete narcissist with anger issues.
It’s amazing how fast little kids can progress if they’re saved from a neglectful environment in time. I volunteered in a small orphanage in China and the director came back with two blind kids from a large institution. They were both four and could neither walk nor talk. At the new orphanage where they got more personalized care and interaction with volunteers, within four months, the boy with a normal brain was starting to walk and say simple words. The girl who was missing part of her brain turned to not actually be blind, just very withdrawn from neglect. She progressed quickly too, beginning to walk and respond to her name. Within a year, the boy was running around, talking and singing. At age seven he’s learning piano. The girl can now walk around, say simple words and is much less fearful.
I’ve read some horror stories about Romanian orphanages including one about a infant who was beginning to show signs of failing to thrive due to a lack of human touch or interaction which is an early sign of premature death. The infant was given into the care of a char woman known for carrying infants around with her on her hip or back as she did her chores. This is what she did with this baby and after awhile, the child began to thrive from the simple act of human touch and the skills that physical communication produces. Rather amazing, I thought but how horrible for all of those less fortunate children.
I was pretty much neglected as a child due to my parents being very harsh and busy with work. I always had all the things i’ve wanted as a child and i was being taken care of when needed. So yeah, i could say a 2/3 on points. I am today chronically anxious and always over-thinking. Hug your kids people.
So many stress hormones… I’m 25 now. “For life” isn’t an understatement. I have thyroid disease now and early stages rheumatoid arthritis which all ties into complications with long term high cortisol levels. I used to always wonder where my incessant need to self stimulate when I’m sad/stressed came from. It finally made sense to me recently. All of it roots back to being a neglected baby. I try not to be resentful, but it’s hard when my entire adult life now revolves around coping with the repercussions.
My mother would leave me in my crib all day while she went to work or partying. No one changed me, feed me, played with me all day. I often wonder if he was surprised when she finally came home to see I was still alive. Not surprisingly I had no attachment at all with her, I now have multiple mental illnesses due to the early and subsequent abuse and neglect. Raising a child is more than keeping a roof over their head, clothes on their back, and food in their belly, children have emotional needs too! The consequences of neglectful parenting are catastrophic for the child. If you don’t want kids or can’t be bothered to take care of them DON’T have them!
I think it’s a vicious cycle when it comes to neglect and abuse. I know my parents love me but because they never showed much affection, now I’m pretty cold. I literally can’t remember the last time I hugged someone. It was some time before the pandemic. It does mess you up mentally. Now affection is a form of weakness to me. If I need love it means that I’m weak.
I experienced emotional neglect as well as physical, emotional and s**ual abuse growing up. It has caused me to feel as though everything was my fault, even if there’s no logical reason for it. It made me not trust others, and I even developed mutism in many settings. The only place I felt open to speak really was with my father in his apartment or in his car; as he was the one person I felt I could trust. My “mom” and her husband couldn’t be bothered with me. I’m going on 10 years now with therapy and I’m only now starting to come to terms with the idea it wasn’t my fault. That I am not to blame for every family problem, past present or future. That I have something to offer the world. And honestly, even though I have a long way to go, this idea that I did nothing wrong and did not deserve to be treated in this way, is freeing.
I feel like a lot of us grew up in families where it wasn’t clear that we needed these things. I remember in the 80s as a kid they would tell parents that children were being “manipulative” by crying. Kids are perfectly capable of manipulation, but when I was three I wasn’t manipulating my mother, I was hungry, and she had an eating disorder and projected it on me. There were a lot of nonsense “norms” heaped on parents over the years.
As a neglected child I agree with so much of this. The worst thing is if you become a dysfunctional adult due to the above mentioned reasons it’s very difficult to communicate this to other people. And people are not usually kind anyway. I have been humiliated so much for my anti social traits, I didn’t choose to be this person. My life experience made me so. I am a single child and come from an okay income family where my mother worked full time and father was at home. He wasn’t ready to deal with my responsibility so I mainly stayed in day cares and boardings. Wasn’t able to build a bond with either parents. Was abused at day cares and boarding. Had no friends or a sibling. What kind of wholesome adult would have I grown into ?
Having child/kids means big responsibility because you MUST give a lots of love, take care little babies everyday and you must be good example for them. Some people should not be parents at all because they can’t love. I have good parents but I know how many kids/adults have trauma because of bad behaviour in their past- childhood’s past.
Definitely agree with this. Just because you were told that you grew up in a great environment doesn’t mean you actually did. My parents weren’t to blame, but it’s easier to heal when you recognize that you were neglected in more ways than one. I’m 23, and I now know that I was emotionally and physically neglected, though my basic needs were always supplied. Rough stuff.
Friends of my family adopted two little boys from one of those terrible places, bringing them home to New Zealand. They were undersized, skinny, angry and withdrawn. It took a lot of therapy to help them adjust to the world outside the orphanage. Both are happily married now and have kids of their own. I think this only worked because they were so young when they were adopted.
My poor husband actually has a flat area on the back of his skull because his mother never picked him up when he was a baby. She also left his first baby shoes on him for too long, not changing to larger sizes as he grew, resulting in his feet being cramped and misshapen. Even now, as a grown man, his feet are always painful and he has difficulty finding shoes that don’t hurt him. He also does not like to be touched and is emotionally distant, even from those he loves. His adult children are estranged from him because they don’t think he cares for them. He does care, very much, but he just does not have the social skills needed to show it! He has told me that his parents told him that they only had to educate, clothe and feed him, not love him. He said they were distant and cold, more like drill sergeants than parents. Poor guy, he would have been better off if he was raised by wolves! I have tried to help him, but I don’t know how. I have stopped wanting him to show me love. I know it’s there, it’s just buried in his pain. He won’t even hold my hand!
I grew up in the 90s and I was neglected by my mother. Even though I had a mother she was barely there for me and my brother. I will get jealous when I saw other kids with their parents but mine was barely there for me. She preferred relatives raising us than her. Now I’ve got my own children they don’t have a relationship with their grandmother because she doesn’t want to know them and I and my mother grew apart to the point we don’t speak anymore. When I had my own kids, I vowed to love my kids and never neglect them and living happily ever after.
Also being blamed oftenly, receiving hysterical and manipulative bad language from your parent since a young age which you do not even have the words to counter at that age and being under fear of not bringing good results in studies can have devastating results in your following years and adult life.
I was neglected by parents as a child and this article is so true. I suffer from OCD, depression my whole life and insomnia(I’m currently on such expensive medication), and I suffer from social anxiety disorder. I can barely leave my house. I too feel that I can’t keep a grudge against my parents but if they made better decisions I wouldn’t suffer like this.
I remember after My mother married and let me living with my grandparents, they just didnt care that much about me, I could past weeks without showering and had boils in multiple parts of my body. They beat me up every time I cried or if I laughed too loud, and blamed me even for thing they did themselves. It was worst when I became a teenager and I still lived with them until 27, my actual age. I tought it was “god” the one telling me to stay with them, but later Ive found out “gods” voice sounded just like traumatic bond. I’m cutting ties this year, with my family and my religion, I’m feeling better but I still know I need therapy, I have problems with sleep, focus, guilt, social anxiety, adicction, low self esteem motivation, perfectionism if I remember correctly.
This helped me to understand a lot about my adopted older sister. My parents apparently had trouble conceiving for many years and chose to adopt a two-year-old orphan from a war-torn country. I was born seven years later. My adopted older sister has all of the characteristics described in your article. By puberty it became clear to me that she had mental and emotional challenges that I didn’t. For instance things that were easy for me grasp were difficult for her to understand. She did poorly in school, had learning disabilities, acted out rebelliously in school and at home. She was labelled a “problem child”. She still tends to behave obsessively controlling towards others. However, luckily she did go on to be a stable member of society, with a good life as a wife, mother and grandmother. But she is still quite childlike and is reliant on her husband and kids in many matters due to her low IQ and inability for abstract thinking or to handle business matters. Thanks for this article. It helped me to understand her better.
I’m 44 and have been neglected as a child. I’m just realizing how much of an affect the trauma has had on my brothers, sister and I. I remember walking on about a foot of trash in our bed room. There were maggots everywhere. So much more… But I’m doing the best out of the 4 of us. I’m a recovered alcoholic. I don’t trust anyone. I have a hard time living in one spot. Every few years I move to a different state. I can not have a romantic partner for any length of time. I’m so independent to some while others I am too dependent. I have found myself in abusive relationships. Things are extremes for me. There is no middle ground. Life has been really hard and I’m a good person. I’m in therapy now. A single mother and my children are the best people in the world. They will NEVER experience an ounce of what I have. I have a great job and even own my own home at this point. I am relearning how to interact with people. How to build solid relationships. It hard because I like to be alone a lot (they call it isolate). Besides work and my daughters, I can go weeks without seeing anyone else. But I do get lonely and daydream about having a partner. I am doing my best to learn how to properly have relationships with people. Middle ground is key. I think we all understand at this point that abuse isn’t just hitting. IF YOU SEE SOMETHING SAY SOMETHING. I wouldn’t want anyone to go through what I have.
I think what hurt the most, Atleast now, is realising how obvious it was. Some of the things I said at school, or how my $2 kmart shoes had their souls falling off. How I always smelt and didn’t have food. It was so obvious yet no one helped, no one contacted the police. One time my parents didn’t pick up from school so a teacher walked me home after I had been there for an hour, when I got home I was in trouble because the teacher could’ve seen the state of the house or their drugs. I really wish people reported it when they saw these signs.
I have had this too. Was supposed to be a boy, no parental attention so no education or proper nutrition, abuse, poverty, etc etc. I don’t trust people or like their company, but have taken some very positive conclusions from this awful start in life: Do it yourself. No one will help you so you have to be tough, independent and without self-pity. As long as you breathe, you have the strength to walk away from a bad situation. Family is not always your family, friends can become your brothers and sisters. And just because you never received love doesn’t stop you loving yourself. I rescue neglected and abused animals, I have plenty of love and happiness in my life now.. when you find yourself at rock bottom, find something you can give to someone else. There is always somebody worse off than you. Lots of love to you all and blessings on your path of healing. The world does have it’s special place for you.
I was born in the country I won’t name, and adopted to Italy in 1969. I was already 4 years old and all the abandonment was already engrained in me. I had wonderful adoptive parents and it took me 40+ years to get over early childhood abandonment issues. I still work on it but lately, the past few years, raising my own family and seeing my kids doing well, it’s been so much less bad. Family and having kids are everything. I wish more people could believe this and give it a go, instead of giving in to their fears that because of early childhood trauma, they wouldn’t make good parents themselves. My family, my kids, have saved my life.
At the end the article says “if you were neglected as a child try to see that it may not have been your parents fault”. Where did that come from? And why? Rape lasts for less than a day (not the 18+ years of abuse we are talking about here) and nobody who wasn’t really sick would ask a rape victim to try to see their suffering may not have been the fault of the person who did that to them. Struggling to understand abusive parents should be the job of a court appointed therapist and struggling to justify their behavior should be the job of the parent’s defense attorney.
Am I the only one who was raised in a hostile environment with unloving unavailable and harsh parents, and also lacking in basic needs? I’m so doomed. I wish my parents had the ability to provide us a comfortable life just like you guys had. I might have had a life out of this depressing four corners :((
In 1989 I had my first child. This tragedy was so harrowing to my soul…heartbreaking. I gave my son all the love I had.I had another son four years later and I loved him with just as much love. We’ve always had an open relationship, We’ve always talked. They are both now grown men,they are very different people, but they are both good strong confident humans with just as much love to give… The plight of all of these poor children haunted me for years.I don’t have any of the experiences some people have. I have had difficulties in my life,but nothing so soul destroying… My thoughts have gone out to these adult children of the Monster’s Regime. As my son’s grew, so did these children. I watched a documentary around the time when they would have been teenagers but I’ve heard nothing since on UK TV. I hope they get the peace that they deserve 🙏
im from hong kong as a child and my father was a doctor, my mom is a workaholic and worked 2 jobs from 8am to 11pm. My younger brother and I were raised by either a relative or a house maid. They were simply doing housework as a job and of course, they wont teach us or interact with us very much. i felt neglected even though school was very strict. it was a catholic school from K-9. Today, although im living in a free country Australia, i still have some anxiety issues, getting irritated easily and feel worthless despite having a high academic achievement. Anxiety has ruined my career and family life.
The neglect isn’t always intentional either. For example, a mother who was abused through her childhood might not know how to connect with her child emotionally. Or a man who works long hours to provide for his family might not have time to connect with his child. These are difficult because the parent IS meeting the physical needs of the child and does love the child but the emotional neglect runs deep.
I grew up in a basement as a kid, wasn’t allowed out in the area. Then spent 13-19 somewhere else essentially raising myself with a mother who basically didn’t know I existed unless I was being screamed at. I used to run away from nice people in family settings or have severe anxiety being around families at all. It took me years of work to even understand what kindness and love meant. Not because I couldn’t recognize it, but because I had to learn I’m capable of being valued in that sense. I am inches shorter than normal height/height of my other family members because I didn’t have meals besides school lunches and had no doctors visits. So, I’m the same height and weight I was at 12-13. I didn’t know that bit about physical contact growing up, but I didn’t have that either. I was afraid of it. This was an oddly relatable and informative article for me. Thank you for sharing.
Yes, I definitely experienced abuse and neglect. My mother was checked out, well, my entire life. She tried to commit suicide when I was about 3, and I was sent to live with my grandma for a few months. My dad would go on long business trips and leave us home alone. They spent their time together screaming at each other instead of interacting with us, and getting into physical fights. Dad was usually a good dad when he was around, except when he was drinking in which case he became abusive. SO much more to tell, it would take a book. Bottom line: The over-riding experience I felt during childhood was a desperate loneliness.
Totally relate to this story. I was neglected by my parents when growing up in a small village. I hardly see them only at night for one or two hours. They work at their own farm and that was their life. Farming! My sister was 7 and I was 4. She cook for us simple meal or sometimes we ate last night leftover food. I still have that trauma and never wanted to be a mom nor married because I dont want to be like my parent. I would rather die alone than neglecting other soul that came through me 😭. Life is such, some of us are scarred for life. I dont think I will be able to recover from being neglected, unloved and unwanted by my parent. Its just hard to endure. I am 49 years old now still single and happy and enjoy being with myself. My parent are old now and I can assured you that they regretted every fuxking moment of their life. Both my sister and I didnt live nor visit them often. You know, you gotta give love to accept love. Love is not demand, love is earn. My parent doesnt deserve my love nor attention except responsibility of a child towards her old parents who willingly funded and treated her like an object 49 years ago.
I had a ‘ mom ‘ that would drug us with cold medicine . When I got to be about 4 I was beaten and abused so badly I was too scared to do anything. Today I’m riddled with autoimmune disease and I lead a very solitary life because of that woman. I would have rather been sent to an institution where I might have had a chance.
I am in my late 70s and was very surprised to hear a psychologist declare I had suffered emotional neglect. It is very easy to accept the abnormal as normal, especially if others subscribe to it. But it is also easy to wallow in self-pity. It is essential to actively oppose perceived consequences of negative treatment. CHALLENGE reserve, inhibition, fear and self-neglect. If you treat the world well yourself, the world will welcome you with love.
I was neglected as a child. My mother was present, but checked out and overworked. Due to her mindset, she often left me with predator pedophiles and bullies. She also had trauma growing up as a child, therefore her disposition was not foreign, but unfortunately it left me abused often and she was not there to protect me. I suffer from hypervigilance (which is a blessing and a curse) as well as low self-esteem, due to my abuse. Although I have been fortunate enough to recognize my toxic traits, catastrophic thinking, and self-sabotaging, the pain of my trauma has made life an excruciating journey. I have a grave mistrust for the human race, and it get worse as I get older. Despite my obstacles I am dedicated to constantly healing.
While my basic physical needs were always met growing up, I was one of eight children, and, unfortunately, I was one of the kids who ‘slipped through the cracks.’ The neglect I experienced was primarily emotional, and primarily by my mother, who especially abandoned me during my pre-teen and teen years, when I needed her care the most. I’ve never been able to determine if her neglect was intentional or not (she claims it wasn’t), but since my sisters weren’t neglected, and I had a lot of health issues, the neglect always felt personal to me. It just felt like she didn’t want to ‘deal’ with me. Regardless, there’s no question the result of that neglect has been life-long struggles in my ability to trust others and form healthy relationships. As well as a life-long struggle with depression and anxiety. So when I watch articles like these, and hear about other kids who experienced even worse neglect than me, my heart is torn to shreds. Neglect, in any shape or form, can have devastating life-long consequences. Regardless of my ongoing personal struggles, I’m determined to not let my own painful history be in vain. I currently work with youth who’ve experienced a lot of trauma, neglect, and marginalization, and they are what help me get up in the morning. Their stories may be different, and a lot worse, than my own, but I can still empathize with them, and any little thing I can do to impart a little light, hope and encouragement in their lives brings me immense joy. So for others out there (many in this comment section) who’ve experienced childhood neglect: let your pain be the catalyst that moves you to make a difference in the lives of others.
I relate too much with this, my parents worked 14 hours a day not because they had to, but because my Dad wouldn’t get mental health support nor did he want any of his kids to have mental health support so my ADHD was ignored leading to a miserable academic life. My brother who is a sociopath, has been able to succeed incredibly well as he doesn’t have a need for any emotional attachment and was able to make it through just fine. I am thankful my early suicide attempts failed because after I became 18 and I didn’t need authorization from my family, my family doctor spilled the beans that he always knew about my neurodivergency “but you know your dad” and the realization that I was set up for failure then punished for the failure by the same person was everything I needed to permanently cut them out. Best choice I ever made
Yes neglect is ALWAYS the parents /caretakers fault. Its their responsibility. So simple. Dont get It twistet, and make excuses for them. They are disgusting humans for neglecting an innocent Child. Dont care if they themselves had a bad upbringing. Then dont pass it off. That is part of the responsibility.
I grew up with my grandmother since I was 6 years old. At that time my grandmother could not offer me the love and attention as she had herself a full time job and a drunk husband. My mother remarried and had two daughters with my stepfather. At the age of 7 I was taken into the care of my my mother and my stepfather however that was not willing and it was due to my grandfather dying and grandma not able to care for me anymore. My life changed completely once i moved to the city. In the first few weeks I learnt how to brush my teeth and respect boundaries. I didn’t not have many boundaries as a child whilst living at grandma. My mother and my stepfather portrayed their anger when I was “naughty” by using the belt on me, punishing me by having to sleep in the bathroom with the light off, learning school stuff until midnight in a hallway whilst they were asleep, not allowed to eat as a punishment for not doing good at school and constantly put on a corner of the living room with my hands up for at least an hour at a time amongst others. I remember that at all those times mentioned above, both my mother and stepfather were playing with my younger sisters. Whilst they were doing better in school, I could see the difference in the behaviour and love towards them compared to me. I felt unloved for the remaining of 7 years living with them. I do not talk with my mother anymore and my stepfather died. The relationship with my sisters is a numb one not great not good. After 7 years living with them in a crowded apartment I finally had enough after a final beating with a rolling pin.
I was emotionally neglected(discreetly) by loving parents who were unconscious of it. My mom died when I was a young child. My dad has always been low-key frustrated with me, as he thought he has given me everything I’ve asked for(material things). He’s not nearly as emotionally developed as I am. He’s been using drinking to cope since my mom died. But to this day(I’m approaching 30), I feel alone in this world in this combination of being emotionally neglected and spoiled at the same time. It may not sound that special of a trauma, but the weight of it drags me down each day and I only numb myself through food, sex, my phone, shopping to deal with it most of the time. And that’s a sure way to get me nowhere as an immigrant (not in the US).
i was adopted when I was 3 from Quito, Ecuador but experienced tremendous traumas. 4:12 broke my heart (attachment theory, a child needs to establish a loving relationship with one parent; I always had trouble feeling love towards my adoptive parents. They gave me the best life in NYC, but the worst part is my brain blocks out the memories and refuse to accept they raised me. I’m just now learning and unraveling my traumas, although very sad now I have more of an understanding.
My mom has autism. So does my dad. My neglect didn’t really become obvious to me until I watched my parents with my non. My mother has no sense when my son is non-verbally expressing a need. My son could be obviously hungry (changed mood, chewing on things, 3+ hours since he ate…) and even if I tell her “he needs to eat soon,’ I’ll often find her not getting down to the business of preparing a meal until her usual ‘mealtime.’ My husband was shocked to see this and so was I. It’s no wonder I developed an eating disorder.
All my siblings grew up in group home. I was 6, and spent there till 15. In the group home, we were taken care of well, but abuse by staff was going on, I’ve seen my youngest brother was being kicked, slapped. Even school teachers hit us. I am having anxiety, overthinking, and issue with socializing. My self-esteem is on the ground. I’ve been blaming myself that’s my fault, I always think there’s something wrong with my brain. Now I’m studying early childhood education which helps me understand why I have became who I am today, what shaped me how I am today. It was not my fault at all. I will keep suffering till I die, but I know this is not my fault and I won’t blame myself anymore.
As a child I was more likely to be hit than hugged. My younger sister was the darling of the family and so I was constantly overlooked and my needs and desires ignored in favour of her. This ruined both of us. My sister is almost certainly a sociopath, she uses people and when she is done she tries to destroy them in the most insidious of ways. I was disagnosed in adulthood with autism, and suffer badly with anxiety and depression. I have a desperate need to be liked which has lead to being taken advantage of several times, so I generally avoid getting close to people because I am afraid of trusting them. All this because my father (my primary caregiver) was an angry alcoholic, who was phsycially and emotionally abused himself as a child.
I’ll say a story that wasn’t when I was super little but it did happen young age. When I was in mid to late elementary school my parents would argue with each other and they would fight and sometimes I would see them upset. They eventually slept in separate beds and I was sad. I would convince them to stay together but they would yell and not listen to me and I felt incredibly lonely. Compared to when I was littler my lack of trust in them grew by a lot and I was forced to see them split and change houses and trust wasn’t there. But I had to keep going to them anyway because I was so young. Eventually this made me a very controlling person as a teen and young adult because I wanted to fix something that I wish I could have fixed. But like this article says it isn’t my fault. In my relationships with people I’ve been very attached and controlling because I want save others issues that aren’t my own. My other family are good people at least and my parents can have good moments. Hope I can study this more and get therapy and at least feel better and hopefully have a good life
I don’t see myself in this article but I watched it to see if I can see aspects of some of my siblings. I am one of six and I don’t think my parents could provide the attention each one needed and that some of my siblings could have been neglected. It’s also disheartening to see so many experiences of neglect in the comment section I hope you all are getting the help you need. 💙 Annisa
Hope now you understand that the contraception means & abortions are the fundamental human rights lack of which will inevitably lead to such situations. Moreover, a ban of the birth control means isn’t a humane and civilized method of promoting birth rates, and everyone who doesn’t think so should try to raise 9 children similtaneously (or to take an oath that they won’t have any sex in the following 15-20 years)
This may related to ASD in a way but here’s the difference between this situation and Autism. People who are ASD are born with it and no matter how hard they try to develop they need help no matter how much attention is paid to their child they’re still significantly delayed in their development. Autism isn’t caused by bad parenting it’s caused by cognitive reasons ASD people often fail to communicate with their peers and might be delayed to a lot of things and some may not even improve. My parents spent so much time with me and I remember them being so, I was a very happy toddler who experienced delays from the first 6 months of his life. So yeah. Just pointing out the difference.
Surviving child abuse and neglect is an extremely challenging, arduous journey. Those who grew up in loving homes could never understand, and they wonder why we survivors often experience feelings of anger, resentment, anxiety. I thank God every single day that I made it out alright, and I wish the same for each and every victim of child abuse. Sadly, abuse often repeats itself, so if you were abused, chances are that your parents were also abused, and that’s the way they learned to parent. It’s up to you to break the cycle. Or, just don’t have children if you don’t think you want to. Parenting is a tough job, but also very rewarding.
because of being emotionally neglect and not taken in serious, also being shout at and made feel like my opinion doesnt matter I,ve began to have many inhibitions, I dont have much social life cs of feelings that mb not many like me, or simply out of comodity, bcs im trying to better myself i try to always point my view when i feel the need, sometimes it might turn out as silly or stupid even if just for myself or really… and i do say and do things which are in fact stupid, i try my best to love myself and know im worth it, but sometimes is hard… thank G-D is much better than it was when I was little
had emotional neglect during childhood and tween teen years. i was a loner at school. didn’t talk much and was mostly confused. was needy. could hardly make any friends even though i was needy. it all makes sense. i was neglected since birth but am grateful for not growing up in poverty. but it wrecked my mental health and identity and communication skills since I was not confident and didn’t know how relationship work. first at home and the emotional prep to be confident anywhere at school or elsewhere. Parenting is tough but not rocket science. Support your kids emotionally since they are kids and need a lot of meaningful talk. i am thankful for all full time mom’s and dad’s and full-time working parents who make time emotionally to be with their kids and help them. We can give everything to our kids- but nothing beats a close relationship with your kids.
I am at my mid 30s and I do not feel the need to procreate because of the harsh environment I was exposed to growing up. I fear that I will become my father or my mother if I become a parent and I do not want to pass any generational trauma to my offsprings. I want to be responsible to my own wounds and my own healing and bringing a child to this world full of suffering and hate is daunting. Even if I convince myself that I will not be like them, at some point, I might be. I do not want to take any chances because in the end, I do not want to hate myself the way I hated them. Their abuse dies with me.
I was emotionally neglected, especially cause dad left and mom had to work all the time. And then mom got sick too and I was basically alone for a majority of time. And more relationships I had overtime the more I became less trusting of people because all they’d ever do is hurt me. I’m hyper-independent, can’t depend on anyone else, can’t trust anyone, emotionally unavaliable myself, can’t love, can’t be loved and I’m pretty depressed. Only love I experience is the one I imagine in my own head. It sucks. I don’t even know if I can heal and always feel like it’s too late for me. Like I’ll never be loved
Honestly this is hard to swallow because my single mother was one of seven children and was probably neglected as well by her mother. Because she had to work to provide for me, I never received much emotional or physical affection from her, but my basic needs were always met and she is always good to me. Now I’m largely numb to feelings and tend to hide away because I’ve grown up alone and being alone was my comfort. But it feels awful to want more, knowing that my mom never had it herself and did the best that she could for me.
Thank you so much for this articles that can help us understand pain and trauma. Can you please also talk about neglected sons and daughters by parents that were also neglected by their parents in the name of love, I mean, parents that never wanted intentionally hurt their kinds, but their unsolved traumas acted for them.
I’m almost 40 and I didn’t realize until recently how much neglect and abuse in childhood had affected me. I ended up in many abusive relationships as an adult. Feeling lonely, lost, worthless, empty. I was severely depressed and barely keeping myself alive while trying to raise a daughter on my own. I was emotionally unavailable for her during her most formative years. I prayed that I didn’t wake up the next day, and only stayed alive for her as I was her only family. Later on, unfortunately she also developed depression and anxiety and felt as empty and lonely as I did. Once I realized that I have CPTSD from suffering so much trauma in my life is when I started healing and finding joy and meaning in my life. Trauma changes us genetically and can pass that onto our children. Understanding that has been super helpful as I know that I did my best as a mother, however, there are so many factors that are not in my control. It’s not my fault what happened to me and it’s not my parents’ fault what happened to them. They too suffered incredible trauma in their lives. My daughter and I are working through it to break this vicious cycle of trauma, pain, and suffering. We want to live a happy and meaningful life. We all deserve that. It takes time to get there, but the joy that I feel now is beyond what I had imagined I could ever feel.
I don’t like the statement that if you were neglected it may not be your parents’ fault. if you were living with them, and they neglected you, it IS their fault. They could have asked for help. Parents who put up the front as being loving caring parents, and behind closed doors could not care less and treat their kids like a nuisance can be 100% blamed.
My parents had me in a time of their lives where they my dad was hardly able to sustain himself financially, and my mom, who suffers from borderline, just lived off him. She smoked a lot of weed during pregnancy, causing me to have withdrawal symptoms at birth. My parents fought and argued a lot, causing me, at 3 or 4 years old, to squeeze myself between them, push them away from each other and just yell at them to stop! This went on until i was 5, when one day the neighbours called the cops on my mom. They needed 2 people to pin her on the couch, while she was screaming how she had the right to take her lighter, with me hiding under my covers. I got taken to the police station. And a group home afterwards, it was a room with a light blue crib and potty, so there must’ve been a baby there before me. I was told to get to bed immediately after arriving there, and the next day, without having seen any of my new home, everyone just pretended this was normal I live here now. This started a cycle of moving at least once or twice every year, to group homes with around 10/20 different kids and staff members. This went on until i got too old to be put by the kids, troubled teens, who often couldn’t live at home because of aggression and/or drug use, so they put me with 2 people who personally run a home for people with mental disabilities. They. Were. Brutal! I was 16, wanted to study after school, but they ran a restaurant with the people there. Keep in mind, one had down syndrome, one had the cognitive abilities of a 3yo, and then there was me, a troubled, but ambiguous 16yo, who didn’t really take no for an answer. They had no idea how to take care of someone like that, they weren’t used to clients talking back at them. So at one point they told my school i was sick, and left me in my room for over a week, until i agreed to work at their restaurant. After i ran away one too many times, i got to live at a farm with 2 people who let a group of troubled kids sleep over there in the weekends. They meant well, but the man who ran the place has serious anger issues! We had 2 dogs, and would often kick and or hit them as punishment. I eventually told them about my wish to study, get a job, ect as well. But they thought i didn’t have the mental capabilities, so the guy took me to a sheltered workplace for people with disabilities. That evening i told him i appreciated his efforts, but it wasn’t really what i was looking for. He. Was. FURIOUS!! He screamed stuff like ”DO YOU REALLY THINK Y O U CAN GET AN ACTUAL JOB?? ALL YOU CAN DO IS CLEAN OUR STABLES, CLEAR DOG POO OF OUR LAWN, AND TASKS LIKE THAT! AND IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT, YOU CAN F*$K OFF TO THAT GROUP HOME!!! I was sent to bed, and was really upset, so i called my dad the next day, who i always had a excellent relationship with. I told him about what happened, and my dad, understandably got worried. So he called them to ask ”hey, what on earth is going on there??”. Which caused them to get both angry at me and my dad, to the point when i was just sitting in the living room, the guy bursts open the door, and kicks the $hit out of me. Afterwards his wife tries to gaslight me by pointing out how sorry he is, and how i did kinda cause this. And eventually they gas lit me into believing that my DAD was the bad influence of all people, and made me cut contact with him. It turned out that, since her daughter died in a tragic accident at 25 or so, she hoped to replace her with me, and my dad was just getting in the way. I eventually had to leave, cus i got into trouble for snooping around on the deep web, which lead to a police search.. In 1 day i went from me, to a monster! A gross, vile human being they can’t even stand to look at. They’d much rather send me to a homeless shelter right away, but legally couldn’t. So i ended up in a crisis home, with one very muscular, and very aggressive man, and one guy in his late 20s early 30s who didn’t do anything all day but stay in his room and smoke weed. Eventually i got taken in by an organisation for people with mental disabilities, and got send to a group home for elderly women with severe mental disabilities (they all wore diapers, and only 2 of the 6 could speak full sentences). I turned 18 there, moved to another group home, with one man who can’t yell (and i mean yell) more than 3 words per sentence, another man with down syndrome, and an elderly guy with the cognitive ability of a 10yo. The youngest after 18yo me is 45 or something. In 2 weeks i’m moving to a training facility for independent living. Where I’ll learn to cook, clean, and take care of myself. Wish me luck <3
Well, I don’t know if what i have been through is neglect but i just want to write this here. I am the youngest of my Family, a family of 7 members including father and mother, 3 sisters and a brother. I am from a third-world Arab/muslim country and i consider my family religiously conservative. I was born 10 years after my older sister, and 16 years after the oldest of my sisters. i was born when my mom had 38 years and when father had 48 years. I belong to a different generation than my parents and sisters and brother. I won’t say that i was beaten or neglected, but there was a lot of conflicts in the family and a lack of communication, Father was a teacher, always asking for quiet, silence, and order in the house, he was always in a bad mood and angry, also, he always avoids spending money on the family and every time i ask for something, the answer was: “you have a roof and 3 meals a day, consider yourself lucky you little one”. And mom just confirms that story, to avoid problems…I don’t remember my father taking me to the park or the beach or complimenting me about anything. Mom worked for some years but left work and stayed at home, she was warm and loving but she was so demanding, provocative ad narrow minded. And since i was the youngest, my sisters and brother always tried to impose their ideas on me and control every aspect of my life, every one of them had his own personality and they didn’t bother telling me false stories and pushing me to act in a way or another.
This makes me cry so hard 😭 I so terribly wish to help these poor, neglected, and abused children. They deserve the very best! I stick to the saying every child deserves a parent but not every parent deserves a child. I want so much to be that person they deserve… I pray I will be gifted with the ability to give that unconditional maternal love they need, and that we can all make a difference in children’s lives! 🙏 They are gifts from above and I pray I’ll be a mom one day… it would be the greatest joy 🥲 Please pray with me that we can do good for our future, our children. 🥰
this reminded me of my mother her mother my grandmother divorced my grandfather when my mother was 6 they had already had 4 kids and my grandmother kept the kids and moved halfway across the country and my grandmother decided she wanted to whore around for fun leaving my mother in charge of her brothers and sister since my mother was the oldest so at the age of 6 my mother was forced to be basically the parents of her own siblings because my grandmother was busy spending most of her time on her back and it stayed that way till my grandmother finally remarried when my mother was around 14 so what my mother did to cope with it all was in her words “I put myself in a bubble so no one could hurt me anymore I was scared all the time and the only place I felt safe was in my bubble” my mother who is now 60 is basically dead inside I don’t think I’ve ever seen her have any emotion except for anger because she still is in that bubble which led to me feeling a bit neglected as well but I am lucky enough to not have had the mental trauma to the degree of my mother
Neglected children, no matter how severe the neglect and or abuse are not packages that have been damaged beyond repair. Science has gotten it all wrong in saying that they only learn up to a certain point, or have a certain opportunity of time to learn based on the connections they make. Our brain is what the computer is modeled after. The difference is that we are cognitive and computers are not. We have the ability to continue growing after these time frames that science set up. I worked with troubled youth for 10+ years. I saw kids turn around that their own therapists had given up on. Early childhood trauma miswires the brain… It doesn’t damage it beyond repair. It makes faulty connections that then become the associated thing to similar experiences in the future, which trigger the response that was wired in there through the trauma of their childhood. In simple terms it is PTSD. And just as a computer that is programmed to look for algorithms will do exactly that… A brain that is miswired to think, feel, and respond to something a certain way through a traumatic experience will do exactly that. Until it is rewired. It CAN be rewired. I am 51 years old and have done it for myself over the course of the last few years. Because I got tired of taking pills to just bandage an open and bleeding wound, and not fix it. Because I got tired of being chronically depressed, bi polar, and struggling with anxiety. I got tired of feeling like I was in the backseat of my own life being taken for a ride I never wanted to be on.
Watching this article as I’m feeding my 4 month old baby son. I try to go to him whenever he cries, but its not always easy as I have another child who is 1. It’s exhausting but I try my best for them both. This makes me wonder if my baby has felt neglected the times where I can’t always pick him up due to caring for his brother (feeding, bathing etc) or house work. I love my sons and would never want this to happen to them. I pray for children who are essentially in a sense abandoned.
Neglect is a major issue and is often overlooked in fight child abuse website. Angelica pickles has experienced neglect in her entire life because her parents are both extremely workaholic and don’t know how to take care of her due to their poor parenting skills and hardly take any parenting classes that could have helped them learn how to care angelica properly without abusing her so much.
He got university education ! Oh my goodness. He is so lucky that his memory did not get effected because of what he had gone through I don’t know clearly if I had gone through some neglect But I find it hard to make friends from my childhood and I have very less memory I could not remember what teachers say. So, I failed university. Even before that I only used to remember 60% to 70% of the subject. So, only always used to get around 65% marks. It feels so frustrating to study and study and not being able to remember what I had studied.
I never experienced love as a child either, my parents and family openly detested me from birth, with abuse and my sister trying to end my life a couple times. Anything was permissible to do to one kid, that was me. We have no contact with anyone from the past and do the only thing we can by breaking the cycle with our kids. It does leave one feeling completely “other” than the rest.
My brother got better treatment than me. Also during holidays birthdays he got acknowledgment like having a party and getting gifts. When it was my birthday I never got a greeting I was actually given a whole birthday cake to give in my grade school to the classmates . And most of them didn’t even like me unless it was just that day was like that every year. So today I feel like it triggered it with my relationships with people who I feel don’t reciprocate with me so I actually shut down
I was neglected as a child….i can remember all the neglect…other siblings were favoured…i can remember my mother scraping the pan for the last serving for me always..and the “oh for gods sake get out of my sight” exclamations…and if i was crying in bed due to their abuse,she’d tell my father to leave me alone..and he would..
Triggered about Romania. Blaming most of my problems on this country and hearing only negative aspects of it, makes me feel ashamed being originally from there. People are being racist and discriminate Romanian people because of all negative clichés. Never heard anything positive being said about this country, so sad.
reality is this world not good for parents. so kids suffer. keeping us miserable about past not good either. to blab about your crap life has become a hobby without us even realising it. we need a new hobby. especially if things were really bad. we need to find new things to be into. i know people will scream & cry because of this comment. but the misery industry makes a lot of money keeping you stuck in your past. pills & therapists are big big business. do not deceive yourself.
I think I was neglected through my childhood. I’ve never gotten therapy and I don’t want it. It’s a complex issue. I know I’m maldeveloped, but I don’t want to explore it. At all. My problem with presentations like these are that they always focus on extreme examples of neglect. It leaves me feeling like my experiences weren’t as bad as this, so I must have nothing to complain about. I must have had a normal upbringing. If I complain I’m just being soft. But it always comes back to… I had nothing more than a computer, which I am thankful for, but now I tend to feel out of place away from a screen. We never had family activities, I never had my father, my mother would often have a new man and I learned to just reject him off-hand because I figured he would be different soon anyway… Until he wasn’t. Now my mother lives with a man who hates me, who she got with when I was 12. I can’t see my own mother, he’s had three children with her, and I resent her for her mistakes. The first was born when I was 14 when I was an only child all my life. She has always been an alcoholic too. I was bullied throughout my childhood, I was one of the poorest kids in my class all my life, and I have been violently assaulted a few dozen times. I would just hide at home, in my room, where I’d be safe. I still do. I still find comfort here. I could go on, but I’ll stop myself before I unravel that cord all the way… It comes back to… I don’t feel I had as bad a life as this article. Maybe I did. I can’t tell.
I was to two orphanages in SK. Were in “foster care” in SK before orphanages. I came to the States and had 3 American families. 2 adoptions and lived in foster care. It took many years of healing from trauma. My last family was a house of horror with child slavery to abuse. For those that are reading this, there is hope. Never give up.
I grew up with a handicapped sibling who needed a lot more attention, understandably. When I was old enough to do so, I earned money and hired professionals to listen to me and give me the emotional support that was missing. I still feel uncomfortable truly sharing my inner world with people unless I am paying them to listen. It feels that my duty is to be there for others, and having my needs met is something I need to pay others for. I have one friend who can listen to me though, what a blessing.
I’m a romanian lady and I know so much about this system and the way some children were treated in orphanages (I read so many books about it) and it’s so sad cause the effects are still present in some people but I think there’s a love that can escape from that poisonous thinking ..but unfortunately there are even now cases, and not only in orphanages, where children are treated like this.. I visited some orphanages with our class and the children seemed neglected…
My dad was an alcoholic and my mom was codependent of his addiction. She really only had time for our oldest sister and neglected my brother, my sister and I. I am the second oldest so I had to raise my brother and sister. I took them to school, helped them learn to read, bathe them and did basically everything a mom would do. My dad became sober when I was 13 and all of a sudden I had to behave as a kid. I couldn’t. So, I was punished and physically abused by them. I was also a victim of labor abuse. I did almost everything at home and also had to work at age 14. My money was handed over to them until I was 19.
I was born in Ukraine, and almost immediatly was thrown into an orphanage because my birth mother was an alcholic. By the time I was 2 years old, I had develpoed very Anti-social traits. I didnt have the motherly care that is so needed when a child is growing up. So I didnt care for the rules or for the care of other kids in the orphanage. I was finally adopted with my younger brother at the age of 4, my brother being 2. I have been diagonosed with ASPD (anti-social personality disorder). And while I know my family love me greatly. I have problems connecting with people, and I dont have empathy, nor alot of emotions, because you learn those things growing up with a loving and caring mother, which I didnt. I was physically neglected, and mostly just emotionally neglected, so you learn how to shut off those emotions, and keep them locked away so you can remain safe emotionally. No one can hurt you, if you dont have the emotions that can cause the hurt. I am 22 years old now, and still have ASPD. But you could call me a High Functioning Sociopath. I have learned how to have cognitive empathy, and how to talk and communicate better with people. I have learned how to control my impulses, and my narcissistic side, so I can better strenghten my relationships.
My parents had a toxic relationship and I was used as a pawn after they split. I was lied to and told my mother abandoned me when in reality I was basically taken from her and custody was fraudulently acquired by my dad who filed and had paperwork purposely sent to an incorrect address. My dad then raised me on these lies and abused me emotionally. It took me years to learn the truth and when the child support stopped rolling in I was kicked out of my dads house half way through my senior year of high school. The same person who made bogus claims of maternal abandonment then turned around and abandoned me. On top of all the mental and emotional trauma I struggled with autism which was ignored despite several teachers requesting that I get tested. I did not receive the help I needed and was essentially taught to believe I was broken from the time I could form memories. I’m 31 years old and only just now, after struggling through my 20s, peeling back they layers and getting help with my trauma. I am riddled with constant anxiety, and irrational fears of abandonment which affects my relationships. Healing feels impossible some days because my brain is hardwired to experience fear and distrust even when evidence shows that all is okay. I’m still working on it and I’m driven to heal and I will advocate till the day I die to protect children from monsters who hide behind the facade that they’re excellent parents.
Unfortunately, most victims of neglect, abuse or any other problems only have articles like this or self-help books because there are just not enough psychologists anywhere. If one goes onto religion instead, religious people tend to moralise and condemn the perpetrators and never can offer much help to the victims What a world..
i spent the first 5 years of my life locked in a room alone. I was born in the 70’s in england to parents who just shut me in a room alone in the dark and didnt feed me or give me any human contact atall.. to the point of near death when i was ”rescued” by police and taken to hospital to recover.. which in reality just meant being isolated in a hospital room and put on a drip before being given back to them, and that cycle repeated until i was finally taken out of the situation at 5 years old. I experienced no genuine care, no stimulation, no human contact, i didnt talk although i could understand ( i didnt see the point as by then id learned to recognize when people lie) i didnt walk as no one had taught me, and i didnt like humans. As an adult.. my memory is amazing, i can go weeks without food, i dont feel hunger, i understand patterns and logistics that other people dont even see, my IQ is far above normal, I have no empathy what so ever and I’m pretty sure im a psychopath.
Bullied at home bullied at school kids, and the teachers bullied. I learned by experience. It’s very very very very difficult things for me to do is to make friends through adult hood and it’s to difficult for me to do, I try to be a comedian to myself to make myself laugh sense I don’t ever have anyone to hangout with after work or play article games. Most of all my friends I was close are passed away or moved far away and lost communication. All I have now is my sister and my girlfriend she can relate because her story is similar to mine
I believe that at some point this concept will be incorporated into the workings of society. Would be parents need to have an intensive course on how to rear children. Most of them are ignorant, and destroy the life of their offspring before they can bloom, it impacts society tremendously and it seems to me an abrogation of responsibility by the leaders not to intervene and endeavor to create better citizens by instructing would be parents in their responsibilities as formative agents in their children. Mental health and Criminality would be significantly reduced. Education is failing the children right now.. they are dumbing down the students instead of what they are supposed to do, which is elevate the thinking and comprehension and world view of those under their charge.
When i was younger my parents were never really there,either away on bussines or in their room,and they would always argue and insult eachother,the only person taking care of me was my Grandma,and i had so little human contact that i would always appear as talkitive and clingy which made me have almost no friends and 2 bullies
Being born into a constantly violent home where domestic abuse was a given, that is a form of neglect as the parents are so wrapped up in themsleves the child is inconsequential. Being exposed to violence however actually stimulates early brain development and sharpens intellect as the child goes into survival mode realizing that adults are unrelaible and dangerous. However this is at a great cost including a lifetime of PTSD, trauma, aniexty depresssion, anger and trust issues. God is the only one who can save a person like this as it is basicslly a miracle that will unravel all the programmed hard wiring of your childhood. Meds cannot do this. But GOD can.
Speaking as a survivor of years of severe childhood abuse, it’s the abuser’s fault when THEY CHOOSE to abuse innocent kids Parents and guardians are the responsible adults in the picture There’s NO excuse for child abuse! Sometimes when survivors become wards of the state, there comes a time when survivors may find items that somehow speak to a NEED Denying those NEEDS can only spell trouble for YOU when the child LASHES OUT at OTHERS, ESPECIALLY YOU
My husband and I had two sons. From when I was three myears mths pregnant with my older son, CPS were constantly harassing us because they were being paid a bounty for every child they stole from their parents. Few of these stolen children ever had good outcomes and many were sexually abused or even killed! However, we fought them through the courts and won! Despite this, they didn’t leave us alone. It got worse after my husband died when my younger boy was three months old. At this time, they almost destroyed my family but through some brave action on my part, once again my family was saved. They continued harassing us, periodically, for the next 15 years and only stopped when my younger son turned this age (as 15 year olds in my country can live wherever they want to, even out of home if they can find accomodation.) This completely ruined my experience of motherhood, but I always made sure my boys knew that they were loved and my highest priority. Now they are almost 19 and 21 years old. They rent a house together and both have good jobs. They visit me from time to time and our family motto is “We all help each other!” I have rheumatoid arthritis and for many years suffered from PTSD. I love and trust my sons and they love and trust me as well. This is the glue that holds the three of us together, but I still prefer my own company and do not trust outsiders easily. I live on my own farm and any visitors are treated with suspicious hostility. All the locals know me now, though, and know that although I am reclusive, I am a good person who will help if she can.
This might seem random but… I CANNOT stop obsessing and ruminating and I have absolutely nobody to talk to about this and I need to get it off my chest (and I’m also willing to read responses, if anyone feels called to respond…) I had a HORRIBLE therapist HORRIBLE HORRIBLE HORRIBLE the worst but here’s the thing… it’s twofold: 1) he’s wildly successful (and I can’t for the life of me figure out why or how) 2) I saw him for almost all of 2023, I was so traumatized when I went to see him, that I just kept going, because I had nowhere else to turn… In the end, he really fucked me up. Instead of helping me, he traumatized me further. It’s over 7 months now, and I can’t stop obsessing over how he’s traumatized me, and all the money I wasted, etc. etc. I can file a formal complaint. But the process seems long and arduous, and brings me no particular benefits… It’s just that I can use my voice, and he can potentially get reprimanded… (Also, it’s all just his word against mine!) But if I do this I have to do it soon… I don’t know what to do? Any thoughts, anyone?
As a Romanian who was born around the time of the Ceausescu regime, I concur that all of this is true. My mum had 9 children, because she abortion and contraception was illegal. We were starving. My dad hatched a plan to escape from there and he created a ruse, in which we escaped Romania in 78, and ended up in Australia. My identical twin has severe autism and is non verbal, and although I’m not autistic, I went through most of my life stimming(rocking) to cope with lack of stimulation from neglect as my poor mum had too many children to look after, or coping with all the chaos and violence in the home because my dad was forced to be a foot soldier in the Russian army as he was born in Moldova (which is next door to Romania). The reason my twin ended up with autism and I didn’t was because she had jaundice, after she was poked with an infected needle, and I wasn’t inoculated, as the hospital was only vaccinating every third child or forth with the one needle, to save on the concoction of what was in the needle, in order to have enough to go around. I guess I was the lucky one, and she wasn’t.
I realise now how messed up my childhood actually was, growing up with deteriorating mental health resulted my closed off personality, i was always considered as a worthless child as a kid, my mother who would come home just to shame me, telling me that if i disappeared no-one would care, whenever i would get bullied at school she would tell me it was my fault, constantly calling me a burden in her life had affected me the most, even if my grades would be above avarage, she would always call me as someone who is a dumb child, i would often get suicidal tendencies, thinking that if she always calls the root of her problems, maybe it will be better if I was dead, and my father who abandoned us right when I was a baby, yes, I understand that having to raise a child on your own can be irritating but that doesn’t mean you get literally obliterate your child’s confidence and childhood, now she asks me why i don’t have any friends, confidence or hope, i had already lost it a longtime ago