In child custody cases, a narcissistic parent may prioritize their own needs over the child’s well-being, leading to emotional manipulation, alienation from the other parent, or using the child as a pawn for a narcissist. To build a strong case against a narcissist in court, one must understand their manipulation tactics, collect solid evidence, and maintain a calm, fact-based communication.
To navigate the landscape of family court, it is important to learn expert strategies on outmaneuvering a narcissistic co-parent in a custody battle while prioritizing the child’s well-being and rights. To overcome this, one should gather compelling evidence, maintain composure, document co-parenting interactions, build a strong support system, consult with professionals, and seek help.
Alternatively, one can let the narcissist have custody and get their life together. By the time the narcissist is sick of the children, one will be ready to have them back. A stress reduction program should be made for oneself and followed by an accountability buddy to ensure self-care.
To prove a narcissistic parent’s fitness issues as a parent with substantial evidence can be beneficial. Document the narcissistic behavior, build a strong case, focus on the child’s interest, seek support, and remember that you are dealing with a narcissist.
In conclusion, understanding narcissism and dealing with a narcissistic parent in court is crucial for success. By following these strategies, one can overcome the challenges and emerge victorious in child custody or divorce cases.
📹 How to Win Child Custody Against A Narcissist
If you’re divorcing a narcissist, chances are he or she won’t go quietly into the night. Add children to the mix and your divorce likely …
What is the weak spot of a narcissist?
Individuals with narcissistic personality traits frequently seek external validation, seeking praise, admiration, and importance from others. This need for external validation is indicative of a fundamental weakness in self-esteem, as it demonstrates a reliance on external sources for the affirmation of one’s self-worth.
What scares a narcissist the most?
Narcissists fear being exposed or losing control, particularly when someone sees through their facade and realizes they’re not as special or important as they believe. They avoid criticism, rejection, and abandonment to avoid these outcomes. Setting boundaries, holding them accountable, and refusing toxic behavior can make the narcissist fear you and protect you from their negative influence. By taking control of your life, you can build healthy relationships.
Do judges see through narcissists?
Family law judges can often identify narcissistic behavior through their objective, law-based lens. However, this ability may not always result in favorable rulings, as the legal process is complex and influenced by various factors. Some judges may not use the term “narcissist” due to its clinical implications, so it doesn’t guarantee a favorable ruling against the narcissist.
Narcissists often struggle to get over their ex-partners, viewing them as people who unexpectedly “escaped” their manipulation and control. This can complicate divorce proceedings, as the narcissist may use the process to maintain control or inflict emotional pain. They may find it difficult to see their ex-spouse move on, taking it as a personal rejection, which can fuel their desire to prolong the divorce and create conflict.
To suggest a divorce settlement to a narcissist, emotional stability is key, as they feed on emotional reactions. Maintaining calm and composed can help keep discussions focused, while standing firm in demands can counteract their mindset of superiority and entitlement. Overall, understanding and addressing narcissistic behavior is essential for successful divorce proceedings.
How to prove a narcissist is lying in court?
To prove a narcissist’s behavior in family court, keep detailed records of all interactions, including conversations, emails, and other forms of communication. Narcissists can manipulate reality by creating a false narrative that conflicts with the victim’s experiences, leading to questioning of their perceptions and memories. They may also gaslight, deny the victim’s reality, or shift blame to avoid accountability.
The goal is to prove this pattern across various environments and scenarios, including the court process itself. Language patterns can also provide evidence of deception, and several linguistic cues may indicate someone is lying.
Can you sue a narcissist for emotional distress?
Emotional abuse in the United States is a legitimate cause of injury, and reporting it may be required by law in states with domestic violence legislation. Emotional abuse is an unpleasant feeling caused by someone else’s intentional actions, such as grief, shame, or anger. In certain circumstances, you may be able to seek compensation for emotional abuse. An attorney from The Buzbee Law Firm can help you pursue compensation for damages due to emotional abuse. Emotional abuse can be a serious legal issue, and while physical injuries may help, they may not be necessary for compensation.
How to destroy a narcissist legally?
To release yourself from a narcissist’s control, you can use legal counsel and a solid action plan. To do this, gather evidence, reach out to allies, and speak your truth. To ensure a judge notices narcissistic abuse and rules in your favor, expose who they really are.
To take action, contact a Domestic Violence Case Worker, bring evidence of harassment, and file a petition for protection with a court in the county where you or the narcissist lives. File your restraining order privately without giving the narcissist any advance notice. Contact your local domestic abuse shelter or a victims’ rights non-profit for assistance. Start with an “Ex Parte Order for Protection” to keep the narcissist away before court. File a separate restraining order for protection on behalf of minors and provide the narcissist’s date of birth to verify their identity.
How to prove narcissism in family court?
Narcissism can significantly impact a marriage, and evidence of this can be obtained through various means, including documentation, witness testimony, and expert opinions from psychologists and therapists. These professionals can provide valuable insights into the narcissist’s behavior and its impact on the non-narcissistic partner, strengthening the case. If you’re considering divorce due to narcissism, contact Testa and Pagnanelli, LLC, an experienced team that can provide legal support and guidance during this challenging time. Their experienced team is available to help you navigate the complex legal process and ensure a fair and just outcome for your case.
How to get a narcissist to settle out of court?
Engaging a mediator in divorce negotiations with a narcissistic spouse can be beneficial as they may avoid presenting a negative version of themselves to those in power. A mediator can help understand the risks and costs of a settlement and employ tactics that increase the chances of settlement outside the court. It is essential to have a divorce lawyer for legal advice, who can help sift through the rhetoric of the narcissistic spouse, listen to explain their behavior, understand their hot buttons, and strategize the negotiation process to facilitate a better outcome.
A specialized family law lawyer with experience in dealing with narcissistic personalities can be beneficial in handling such cases. For more information on attorneys and legal advice, contact Smith Debnam.
What angers a narcissist the most?
Narcissistic rage is a common issue among individuals with non-personality disorder (NPD) who become increasingly angry with any display of vulnerability. This anger can be triggered when they are called out, their image is damaged, or their shortcomings or wrongdoings are highlighted. The narcissistic rage cycle can be broken down into several stages, including avoiding, responding, coping with rage, seeking help, and seeking help when needed.
Nakpangi, a therapist with over 25 years of experience, guides clients through trauma and crisis, while Dr. Dena Westphalen, a pharmacist with expertise in clinical research and drug information, focuses on neurology, oncology, and global health.
How do you trigger narcissistic rage in court?
Proving a case against a narcissistic spouse can be complex, as they may not be adverse to lying under oath or believing their lies. Gathering evidence and organizing information is crucial for proving your case against a narcissistic ex. Hiring an experienced attorney is essential, as they will know when fighting is in your best interests.
When dealing with a narcissistic ex, always put everything in writing to better show the court your ex’s lies and manipulation. Allow your attorney to communicate with your narcissistic ex, but avoid mudslinging, lying, and gamesmanship. Expect that your narcissistic ex will use their charms to work on the court, as they know that by charming the court or mediator, you are put at a tremendous disadvantage.
Stay focused on the facts and goals, not the emotional rollercoaster of the divorce. Do not react to your narcissistic ex’s antics; stay calm and let them uncover themselves. Gather witnesses who have seen your narcissistic ex behaving badly, such as family, friends, co-workers, and teachers.
Simplifying issues and dealing with them one at a time makes it harder for your ex to convolute and confuse issues. Consider asking for a “bi-furcation” or splitting issues into separate hearings. Additionally, consider getting an arbitrator instead of going through the regular family court process, as it will give you access to the arbitrator when needed and saves time waiting for months for a family court hearing.
Register for our FREE webinars via Zoom or Facebook Live, which will focus on “Preparing for Trials, Custody Evaluations, and Depositions” on April 29, 2022.
Do courts recognize narcissistic abuse?
Courts consider various factors when determining the harmful effects of a narcissistic parent, including the parent’s behavior, impact on the child, their ability to provide a safe environment, willingness to cooperate with other parents or the court, and the child’s statements and preferences. To prove the harmful effects of a narcissistic parent in family court, clear and compelling evidence is needed, including witness statements, documentary evidence, expert testimony, or other forms of evidence. It is also essential to work with an experienced family law attorney to navigate the legal process and present the case effectively.
📹 3 Tips To Win Against A Narcissist In Child Custody
FREE VIP CUSTODY COACHING CONSULT: www.divorceuniversityonline.com/vip-coaching Link to Full Podcast: …
It’s so hard to deal with someone with narcissistic tendencies. You have to play mental gymnastics and chess with them. If you give them an inch, they will take a yard, but will not give you anything in return, unless it’s on their terms. It’s either their way or the high-way. Very exhausting and draining.
The only way to survive long term contact with a narcissist is to consistently define yourself with integrity and to enforce accountability. You cannot afford insecurities, so you need to confront and fortify everything about yourself you don’t like- or they will exploit it to unbalance you. This is difficult and painful, but your kids will benefit from the strong, stable, honorable parent you will become.
Your lesson taught me how to shut my ex down when he plays his game!! He doesn’t flip flop, he’s always controlling and projecting everything he does on me, insulting me as a mother. I’ve learned to just say, this isn’t constructive..I’m just going to end the conversation here. Now I’m pursuing full custody with a strong case! THANK YOU!!!!
Praying for my family, my 10 year old daughter and I are divided . Shes being manipulated against me, I have been battling a court case for two years now I was falsely accused of abusing my daughter had a fasle protective order out which was dropped in last August . My daughter’s father is in church supposed to be a minister and doing everything he can to hurt me . This man is keeping my child away from me she’s disrespectful towards me, basically don’t want to have anything to do with me, she won’t talk to me . I’m paying my support, doing all I can do; I pray that God turn this situation around and restore me back with my ten year old daughter. I miss her so much it hurts my heart to No that I don’t have rights to my child because someone else is trying to replace me . I been through a lot and I’m tired my heart is heavy so is my mind . Please keep me in prayer 🙏🏽🙏🏽
I appreciate your advice and your course that you did online. My ex is exactly like you have described and has convinced everyone on his side of the family that he is the victim. He cheated on me numerous times until I finally ended a 15 year relationship. My teenage son stood by me after witnessing so many things. About 4 months ago a court order stated that he spend every third week with his dad. In this short time of having regular visits with his dad, my son has decided he doesn’t like me, or the rules and is wanting to live 50% at his dads. I really believe his father has alienated me in my sons eyes. We were so close and happy and now he barely speaks to me. I am devastated. He is nearly 15 and I dont think legally I can do anything. If I force him to stay with me, I will lose him anyway. I truly believe spending more time with his dad, will only give his dad more time to convince our son that I am the problem. The change in my son has happened so fast since staying with the ex and his new live in. Is there anything that I can do legally, or will it just drive a wedge deeper into our relationship?
I have been through all of this. You did an insanely amazing job on describing this for other people who need to hear this as structure or hear this for hope. Thank you. This is awesome to hear and see. I am finally finalizing divorce, getting half custody, child support dropped, and papers get signed this week. I made it as well! Woo!
It’s so hard to keep doing the right thing when the child is in danger.. I keep doing the right thing, staying calm, while he exposes her to people that the court/ judge ordered in original “decree”to keep her away and safe.. nobody listens,that he is in contempt .. taking her around these people…😭💔💔
Thanks for the article judge Anthony. I’m preparing for my first hearing soon. My ex took our 7 month old baby while I was asleep. My body and mind went through complete shock because I was with him 24/7 taking care of him. I have not seen him in 2 months. He refuses. Hes doing exactly what you are saying. Flipping from controlling and aggressive to the victim. It’s been really hard on me.
My husband is def a narcissist.. nothing matters ..not me, not his kids, not family. He is abusive controlling and manipulative and only cares about hiS status and what “he” has and what you can do for him. He cheats and lies and is compulsive .. I am struggling through the first steps of divorcing him after 16 plus years of marriage.. and so far it’s been nothing short of a battle. Nasty emails, refusing to let me go, belittling, telling me To die, trying to scare and threaten me and the kids. But I am ready to tackle this and be gone from him.
I have see this since I was pregnant and it will take a blind judge to not see this behavior from the narcissist. It’s like a off /on switch with him. This last week. I asked if I could see my son Tuesday through the parent app. He said they had plans for the entire week, but I could pick him up early at 1pm Friday. So I said, I have notice our son misses me when we do zoom therapy. He replied, “well for that rude remark now you can get him 6pm Friday”. Having to deal with such monster who physically abuses my son with special needs and he gets away with it.
I am going through a horrible custody battle right now with my ex of 12 years we have two children together 13 and 9 and the entire relationship he played the victim, now when you had said doing the right thing, even though it sounds elementary, is exactly what I’ve been doing and it makes 100% since now that I’ve heard you say it, it won’t get you the result you’re looking for short-term. Because of his lies I had just gotten my children taken away from me until the end of this month. But luckily for me he had cut off all contact between me and the children even change their phone numbers and got them new phones without discussing it with me first because when the judge granted him the children for 2 weeks it got to his head and he thought he had sole custody he had even went to the extreme and called our children’s schools saying that he was the only parent that can pick them up from here on out. I just want to say thank you so much for this article and you’ve given me a lot more hope than I thought I had.
All this advice does not help. I had no emotions collected and calm and physically abusive narcissist extremely manipulative ex made authorities lie on his behave, the more facts I gave does not matter. They just write false things on my behalf that does not exists. So emotions has nothing to do with anything…. There is no answer for how to fight with abusive spouse where society is same narsisistic and abusive and judges are arrogant and they side with abuser because if they would be honest they would never side with abuser…. The reality is cruel and no one give f… About women and motherhood is not respected at all.
The flip you mentioned is so real. I’m glad I started only allowing communication through text so that I have documentation on all of it. He lies through his teeth in every evaluation, and I finally have irrefutable proof of the textbook narcissist behaviors. I highly recommend that conversations be documented. It is so important.
Hey- thank you for being brave and posting some real social sensibilities. For alot of men/women experiencing a narcissistic ex partner/parent, knowledge is power – most people won’t understand what true non diagnosed narcissistic people are capable of, and they rule the roost generally. Thank you for doing what you have brother – much appreciated 🙏
Stayed with my ex for 18 years and left during Covid 2020. The kids were 9 and 10 them with a strong understanding of what narcissism is. I’ve been spending years just collecting texts and articles. I haven’t even started a divorce. The kids are now 12 and 13 and barely see their dad- their choice. Their logical choice. Even their dad’s neighbors know something is wrong with him.
Yes, am seeing ex’s stance fall apart from diligent sane behaviour. She obviously is trying to pervert any interaction between me and my son. But he can see that I am not reacting to that behaviour. And is consequently taking her less seriously. A lot for a 9 year old to grasp, but both holding on tight atm. Hope anyone else listening to Judge Anthony takes his words to heart. Don’t bite on what the other party is saying! You are the sane party.
Thank u! About to go through this process and my emotions are all over but leveling out now after 6 months later, finding out my husband left me for his coworker. Took awhile to find out… I didn’t have to have closure, some dont get closure, but its helped the healing process of realizing why… I got a lawyer and moving forward. 🙌🙌 my kids deserve their dad but also a healthy one. Hope he finds healing one day instead of new supply….
My sister is dealing with a covert narcissist/domestic abuse custody case… and her child is non verbal autistic… he went from having supervised visits to unsupervised visits and no one is protecting this baby or even acknowledging the fact that she can’t speak up for herself. She comes back from him upset and neglected. We’re about to go into our evidentiary hearing… I will be a witness and I’m trying to figure out what to do!
Thank you, Anthony! Very helpful! I’m helping my daughter who will be in court in June. Yikes! Scary! So much to learn. It is sad how it has to come to this. I was very lucky, my ex let me raise our daughters. I wish Brianna’s ex would eff off. He doesn’t even like being a Dad…well, putting my granddaughter in front of a tv all day suggests it… That’s all. I have watched all your articles. I truly appreciate you sharing such needed information re custody. Jackie ps. my daughter said to ask you if you’d come to Fernie (BC) 🙂
Anybody deal with someone who plays articulate but controlling in a sneaky way like do wtf they want anyway knowing your not gonna agree CO PARENT way? They provoke you to step out of character and cry like their not doing anything??? I literally just started catching on that if I don’t say anything back he won’t attack me anymore….. the messages stopped n even woke up being extra nice ……. It’s a custody battle this very moment so I can’t say much but the controlling, bashing and gaslighting is so draining. Anybody else co parent with someone that feels like they need to have every access to you? 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
” Keep doing the right thing “. its been 3 years of perusal our daughter suffer and having to watch this woman act in her best interest with the full support of the system. At what point does this carry a legal penalty ? Lying ? Manipulation? You are the absolute voice of reason here but narcissistic personality disorder plus money equals years of damage for our children. That no one can be sued over apparently?
This is why I have hours upon hours of audio recordings that contain blind rageful tirades of verbal abuse directed at me over the most RIDICULOUS shit. He ALWAYS insists on doing it in front of the kids, even when I minimally engage then he’s set off again, then a child will oppose him then he scares them, minimizes the impact this has on them. I’m hoping these raw recordings could offer context about how I’m politely requesting to not have this “discussion” in front of the kids but his narcisstism and misery literally entitle him to tear me apart. I noticed he’s starting to scape goat one of our three kids by comparing her to my problematic behaviors and demeaning her in front of her, she JUST turned 5 btw. It’s so confusing for them bc he can play the loving fun dad, but he’s hardly ever up here with us then when he is, especially if he has narc injury, he’ll just overtake everything which really confuses our young kids (the oldest is 6, youngest 2). I’m a SAHM and he doesn’t let me have free access to HIS bank account, so I’m at the mercy of his generosity or lack thereof and he only gives me just enough to get gas and maybe a few personal items (max $100, but it’s usually $40-60 every two weeks on payday). But he has the nerve to say I’m draining him of his money. But whenever I have extra money that I’ve saved up, if I don’t immediately unquestionably hand what he needs over then yeah… It’s an issue. He’ll just help himself to my wallet occasionally, not so much anymore but he feels entitled to do it but God forbid I took it without getting permission and even then I’ll be punished for it later.
I stupidly allowed my narcissistic ex take custody of my children because they threatened me with foster homes if i fought him and neither one of us got them. It was soo wrong. He was and is very deceptive and controlling and does it to my kids too. He definitely flips to the victim in front of courts when it was all lies! He is still doing it to me and my kids but i am going to fight hard to get my kids back
Doing the right thing: a judge won’t favor either parent if both are acting badly. Furthermore, the kids NEED one parent to knuckle down and behave like a healthy adult. When your partner is a narcissist, that adult MUST be you. How? Decide what you would be doing if you were coparenting with someone healthy. Make a 10 commandments for your own appropriate behavior and 10 for the needs of your kids. Once those things are in writing, stay true to that. Your emotions will pull you towards survival behavior. This allows you to make excuses for bad behavior when it comes to survival needs. Your intelligence is the remedy for this problem. You need to adopt a habit of disarming your survival alarms. You already understand the dangers, so those alarms have outlived their use. At this point, you use tools like giving yourself time to respond to the ex, using PTSD/DBT (Google it) tools to disengage your survival brain and engage your thinking brain (those things happen in different parts of your brain, amygdala and prefrontal cortex, respectively). You can then use your brain to think, analyze, and reason more clearly. You must never REACT. Only RESPOND. Do these things to make following every letter of your 10 commandments easier. Stay true to your goals by not letting the narcissist instrumentalist you to reach THEIR goals.
Once you have experienced a challenging narcissist control the court room, counselor, lawyer & judge; faith, hope & respect for the so called protective system is lost. Basically, you know at that point you re on your own….you’ll even begin to examine, question & assess the minds, outlooks (worldviews), personalities & behaviors of the so called professionals involved within the legal process. You’ll then realize they do not have the capacity to see through BS to the holistic truth of a critical matter. Some legal team can see but are sent motivated by separate agendas. This is where some ppl begin to take masters in their own hands. Understanding they have no true defense via legal system. The respect for the failing system is lost, and the hope of help & defense is only expected to come from self & Divine intervention.
Where were these article’s when I was going through my battles way back a decade and beyond. It starts from the day you marry these types of people… through the divorce and beyond. I am still suffering the effects to this day. 1997 till now… I still don’t think I feel free of the chaos caused. Sad but true. He goes on to marry 4th time and still causing chaos with the next ex-wife. Children get battered in this mix which is so unfortunate. They do not care what damage they do in their hurricane path of destruction they leave behind.
You have to divorce without warning, document everything especially child abuse. You will have to use anything you can to prove to the court that they are unfit to parent a child, and make sure to take the child with when you break up and have everything lined up to go for the kid if you currently have joint 50/50. If you leave the kid with the narcisist you will almost certainly lose to them in court as they will claim you left (her usually) with the kid and they will add plausible details.You must do this BEFORE the smear campaign starts.
What do I do, when my kids and I want nothing to do with my ex our narcissist. The courts put him on supervised visitation and 2x a week Skype visitation. This has caused problems and a reason for him to try to control me and harass me via court system. He plays the VA, and served the country with the courts. I’m lost on how to get him stop. I just want to be left alone. He came back in our lives demanding to see his kids when I got remarried. He claims I have to pay for everything. He emotional and financially abuses us now.
See the problem with the system is that no matter what there is a loaded gun of bias within the system still and you cannot fight that because only the bias person can say they are bias, making it really hard to prove that the person is bias. Making the LGBTQ, Black Lives Matter, Hispanics, and people without documents at the disposal of the system. Within the system the bias can hurt these groups and other minority groups with no reprocussions. This is exactly what happened in our case, my wife’s ex (boyfriend never been married to him), just ended up with primary custody because of a bias GAL and Lawyers. We are tired and the kids are hurt, we still have the girls’ brothers and nobody cares that the kids were ripped away from their legal brothers.
I signed over custody in order to get my life back together (had to sell my house after his complaints had Me fired). Now I’m waiting for enough cyclic behaviors to go by. What’s something I should definitely keep in mind for court as far as proving his instability (he now lives with his mom and makes minimum wage constantly asking for money). I send our son clothing, crib sheets, wipes, and of course I pay my child support. I send him cards and letters and stuff too just because I miss him dearly. I use all of my visit time which is frequently unorganized (he refuses to organize the time until the day of and cuts off my time too short as well). During the time I do get, he uses degrading statements in front of our son. Recording laws in oregon make it difficult to use in court. What’s something with the info I’ve given you that I should definitely keep in mind for the future motions?
So they make you lose your head and then say ‘see, my ex is crazy, not fit for parenting, whereas I am….’ So like throwing literally everything at you and you still have to keep calm. Without children you would just laugh out loud and leave but they use children as a weapon to keep you from leaving insult world. So you are in insult world and have to keep calm for ever. The problem with this is there are limits,. You can’t allow for example for your children to hit you. So there’s a limit, and with that ex takes advantage. If you don’t allow in this example for your children to physically hit you (of course not), then ex will say to the children ‘see, he/she is too authoritative, controlling, not good parent’. So demonizing reaches it goal: children are against you, the court too, the ex laughs, end of case? Extremely difficult to be in this hostage-like situation, where anything you do pushes you further down into insult world. Good luck for everyone, these articles help! End child psychological abuse once and for all!!
I wish i could call/ contact you to get you help in my situation, I’m up against a narcissistic psychopath who did inhumane things to me and now is trying to battle for shared custody when he has never been around but mostly always in jail.. it’s sick a long story and I need some really good advice as I cannot afford a good lawyer while his parents are for him .. ugh my (our) son is sick a sweet boy, 4 1/2 years, and the father is not by any means for to be a parent
What state do you practice in? Or let me look through these messages and see if it’s stated somewhere. I’m in a southern state, and I may drowning in my divorce with a super narcissist. She has bragged to people that she was trying to put me in jail to gain 100% custody, and she succeeded; baited me into a child visit in her county, and then had me arrested the minute it was over. What?! But I control the emotions and do me. Like you saying your article, be yourself, anyone who knows me, knows me, they don’t find out a day or week or year later that I’m fake in any way. So Yeah I think I will be calling/hiring your services ASAP as I just switched representation because my first guy was, not great let’s say. Love your articles, I’m be perusal all of them right now… Thank you so much for your advice and all that you do!!! Truly!
This is helpful except when there’s abuse in the situation…. A lot of the suggestions don’t apply because the one who’s been abused can’t simply fight for more overnights while knowing the the children will be abused in these visits. Do you have any articles pertaining to custody with a narc after abuse? It shouldn’t be this way but the courts are still so ignorant and closed eye to abuse an custody.
I need a little help. I got a text message from my daughter’s father coaching her on what to say for a sole custody two days ago. How can I present this in court. I have been up reading and studying because I can’t afford an attorney so I represent myself. Ultimately, this why the last hearing for joint custody arrangement went downhill for me. Ultimately my child mental state has always been my concern and he exploits her love for him and desire to spend time with him.
Our situation is not a divorce custody situation. We have custody of a relative that was orphaned. Originally the aunt was going to get custody but 2 months in the process she changed her mind said she was too old and asked us to take custody. We’ve been raising him 3 years now and now she’s filed for custody and or visitation rights, when she was seeing him consistently. She is controlling and flipped out after not seeing him for 1 month! Started undermining us to the family where we started getting calls and text threatening us and putting us down. Now the lawyer we originally got acted like she probably will get court ordered visits. Knowing her we know that will just fuel her more and be a living hell trying to deal with her.
Is there a way to bring an expert into family court without a lawyer? I can’t afford one and have been back and forth so many times—as they give him warnings and the specifications get deeper. He consistently gaslights and using my daughter against me (even though he barely sees her) he will refuse to pick her up and if I’m unable to bring her to him then I’m keeping her from him etc. he tells me he is filing police reports, etc but I haven’t been notified. I am intending on going back full force. Another question—am I able to retain the transcribed court documents as well?
My seeds mother told me that if her and I couldn’t be together there was no reason for her or my offspring should live I contacted the authorities and took her to court for terrostic threats and the judge threw it out maybe I should have said child endangerment shortly after that I was arrested for failure to appear for a child abandonment waiting on court now
He is not the saint i let them think he is. The only thing they had on me was that i smoke marijuana! Thats it. My kids were never abused or hurt but he beat me down til being suicidal and then jumped on it to get my kids to try and destroy me even more. He never even wanted kids and constantly calls them every name in the book and tells them he never wanted to be a father and wishes he would die..terrible things… I know i can get them back. I just got to get a place to stay and i will be fine with help from people like you
Will you please help me with exactly what I need to get a an ex parte emergency custody granted for my baby. I’m in an abusive relationship with a narcissist but he’s emotionally and mentally abusive and he tells my one year old things like I’m so sorry your mom is your Mom and calls me name to him and makes articles and says one day when you’re old enough to see this I just want to tell you what a POS your mommy is and he threatens me with parental alienation and all of this because I want to leave him and move out of state two hours away to move with my family and my support system. He’s threatened if I ever get the courts involved he will ruin me by making me look unstable in front of a judge and threats that he could not do at all but I’ve talked to attys and legal aid here in Louisiana and they are saying that because he hasn’t hit me there is nothing I can do but if I up and leave I’d have to run while he’s at work or something and that means leaving everything I own and all of my son’s things to and he would never allow me to collect any of it. I have proof that he’s recently started selling drugs and I don’t feel safe around him, is that enough? I want to protect myself and my son and protect my son from any risk of parental alienation in the future. What can I do??
Make some sense but at the same time you have a right to 50-50 access to your children there is no rights between natural parents that doesn’t mean that the government gets to step in and Choose who’s going to maintain their parenthood Family Court is using statutory laws to subvert constitutional protected liberty interest in this is being done through a low standard of scrutiny called presumption of evidence which is presuming that these laws are correct when they could not stand up to strict scrutiny
When my ex first “attacked” me with an Emergency Ex Parte with allegations of child abuse and neglect I had my emotions to involved and the hearing didn’t go well which resulted in my judge granting the Ex Parte. Fast forward through an expert evaluation and a 3 day trial. We ended up settling because my ex’s attorney begged me for a deal after I destroyed the expert and the other party on the stand. Nine months later (which was nine months ago) my ex filed another Ex Parte of serious allegations. My judge ordered another but different expert to evaluate both parties. We’re in the middle of that process now and my trial is set for mid March. My “problem” right now after having a conference call with the attorney and the expert is the expert made a comment in concern for my behavior. The expert has also been communicating with the attorney without me and I got the judge to order for that to stop and that I am to be included in all communications but I feel like the expert has already made a decision about me without finishing the evaluation. I explained to the expert that because I am Pro Se I have to remove my emotions. His problem is that he is trying to evaluate me as a mother. What do I do to convince the expert that my attorney side is not one in the same as my mother side?
My ex basically lied to the courts to get a motion because he’s so upset about child support. He told the courts in breaking the order and and I’m taking advantage of holidays. This is a flat out lie! I been through a lot with him. Funny his name is Anthony but I’m going back to court with facts this time and confidence
This is excellent, thank you. As someone who has had my son taken away just because my wealthy ex didn’t want to pay child support anymore, it is so incredibly hard to NOT REACT. But you are EXACTLY RIGHT – that is the best action – do not reply! Do not respond! Because yes, the court will label you as “crazy” just like an abuser does. They push you and say you are unstable. You must not take the bait. After a year in court, I finally really have learned this lesson. The abuser FEEDS off of seeing you upset. It’s like starving a monster. Starve the monster!!
This is great. Nothing is more important to me than my children. Fellas, ladies, listen to this lady. I did exactly this and I’m going to get custody of my 7 and 6 year old very soon. Everything she’s saying is right. Thank you for this article. The legal system was the only way for my case. She’s going to jail, and it’s her own fault. The legal system is doing great for me, I have a great attorney, glory to god.
In court? 10 to 15 years ago, when I was dealing my lying, narcissist, alienating ex, our “court” didn’t care about the damaging affects of my ex’s tactics with the evidence I had. I couldn’t find a lawyer that would help me. But I had no problem finding a funeral home to help out when our son committed suicide from all the alienating damage my ex did.
This is SO GOOD, Tammy, thank you! In our situation, when Dad has not responded to high conflict Ex, she’s threatened to keep the child from him because “your lack of response makes me not trust you.” Instead of getting emotional, the dad learned to get small and shut down. This pattern showed up in mediation, unfortunately. I love the specific tip you give here of saying “you know that’s not true.” I’ve passed this article along to the dad to help start the strengthening process. I would so love to see him start speaking to his son’s mom from a place of empowerment instead of fear. You’re truly a godsend, Tammy.
Thank you thank you THANK YOU for continuing to do what you do and being a great person. I don’t mean to open old wounds but you and your late husband have helped me threw the hardest time in my life. I have narcissist victims syndrome (I’m a survivor and thriver not a victim) and your articles give me solus. Thank you for your kindness and affirming words of help and self reflection of myself.
As a former attorney, clients never listen no matter how many times you tell them not to react. It’s the children that suffer. I always put the child first in my advice and I realized most people don’t love their children above their needs to get back at their ex. People say they love their kids more than anything in the world but ask them to behave in the child’s best interests, and they just can’t act above their own emotions. It’s the same all over the world in the court system. People need to understand the court doesn’t actually care – they’re not there to hear your dirty laundry – as long as the child is not in danger, they don’t really care what happens to your family – it’s not the place to prove how virtuous you are and sling mud on your former spouse. Listen to your attorney because they actually do care and are trying to protect you (from the other party but also from yourself). I’m currently overseeing a bitter child care matter where the mother is the narcissistic parent and I feel so sorry for the child and the father. Don’t allege parental alienation just because your child has made their preference for the other parent – it’s a technical assessment done by a forensic psychologist who will provide a report to the court, not just an accusation you throw around. Make sure you don’t cause your children to resent you. Listen and take advice from psychologists and your attorney. Don’t play dirty when it comes to children because it will come back to bite you when they’re older.
Thank you for everything that you were saying it is extremely knowledgeable I am actively going through the worst situation of my life… My children have been taken by their father against court orders on bogus accusations and this has been going on for 5 years and it has cost my children the personality they could have had who they would have been he has taken away their whole family on my side…. I live in Aurora Colorado and I am currently going through the Arapahoe court system and he has lied consistently on court papers and I’m just so it’s so hard for me because I’m a literate with the court systems and I don’t even do computers I like not having this knowledge is the death of me and my children and that is a butterfly effect of a lot a hurt going on in this society
My daughter is going through this in court and both her rx and his mother are narcissistic, his mother has gained custody of my granddaughter. She has gotten the judge to believe everything she says. I don’t know how it happened but the investigator came up with a scathing report, agreed with all the lies the grandmother said about my daughter and none of it is true so the judge will not listen to my daughter and allows the grandmother to talk over her. Its disgusting. The judge was supposed to get another investigation done and refused to order it, that was a year ago. My granddaughter wants to come home but is scared to death to go against her grandmother who has custody. Even getting a new court date is proving impossible. My daughter has proof of all the lies she’s telling and how shes continually blocking visitation in so many ways yet she can’t go to court to show the judge. How do you even fight all of this? People who’ve been helping hear about what’s going on are stumped, they all say well that can’t happen then it does. She served my daughter legal paperwork and it had the wrong date and time for when the custody was being determined, she signed on for the zoom meeting and was told she missed it and why the grandmother was able to get custody. Its apparently easy to add false papers in with the real ones, no one was interested in checking and since she lost custody she was told it’s too late because the judge made his decision. If she tried getting her daughter back that way, it would cost over $20,000 (just to start the process) for a lawyer.
It’s crazy because I’m 22 and fighting to find my child I haven’t seen since 5 months because my baby father I’ve been with since 15 and him 21 . Took off with her after I threatened to expose him a million times to him and his family . They fought me, and I called the police because I was too ” crazy ” and couldn’t keep my composure because I’ve been FED up with them and them and I couldn’t STAND still sitting there listening to them lie to the police . There was no court order or nothing . He just left to CA while I’m stuck in GA and he ignores me and blocks me makes me wanna die at times
Mine was more invested in being a victim. It was easier to smear me behind my back and garner sympathy. Just had to push him to sign off on the divorce decree & the custody was included in that. He could’ve cared less about thus children, except for parading them around looking like father if the year.
Please we need help, my daughter has never been married to baby daddy, her daughter was taken from our home for a weeks visit, we got custody order done in courthouse sent to him he threw them away. Judge in Dade city Florida did nothing to help. He moved in with a girlfriend and is not revealing her daughters location or allowed her to see her daughter for almost a year. My daughter is in school on deans list to be a pharmacy technician. How do we as a family help her. Please she is so heartbroken. Also she has a two year old son with her fiance and he cries for his sister. What can we do we just moved to Texas to our forever home. Please advice help 😢😢😢 is what he’s doing illegal cuz it should be
What if the child is 15 and has been completely turned against me (mom) sisters and even her brothers from her dad they saw through him but she seems to be so brainwashed and we had 5050 and I was the primary custodial parent and he never paid any child support and didn’t see her for 6 years😢 now he’s a saint
My daughters father hit me pretty bad with my 8 month old daughter in his hands and for the first time I called the police in all the times he hit me. When he got out of jail he completely left me and doesn’t want to make our family work even after I dropped the charges, and because I betrayed his trust by calling the police. So now after physically and emotionally hurting me he expects me to drop my daughter off to him when he feels like it. I’m having a hard time doing it as there is no court order in place and he can keep her since police won’t get involved. can I get in trouble for just ignoring him and his requests to see her? It’s very toxic and she’s just a little baby he’s using this to hurt me purposely. He just blames me for ruining our family I just don’t want to deal with him 😩😭 I really feel like he’s using my daughter to hit my heart. Can I just ignore him until he goes to court to get custody? Am I wrong for thinking this does this make me the narcissist ??
This id happineg to my husband. His x is still hiding the child. She is 15 and she has no communication tonher since we got married. Syarted when she was 13 he didnt ebem.speak to her for a yr. Hes hrart broken and it is agfevting pur rralatiomship. I told him that of its bevause of me then maybe wr shpuldng be togrther. I don’t know what else to do we have been to court she got caught in her lies and they did nothing