Video games, including violent shooter games, can significantly improve children’s learning, health, and social skills. Online multiplayer games can help students practice communication, oracy, team building, creativity, and problem-solving skills. Innovations in game design and platforms have increased the opportunities for interaction and socialization while playing, enabling teen gamers to play games both with others in person and online.
Video games provide a lifeline for many children seeking social experiences with friends when they cannot interact with them in person. Online video games allow players to talk to others and make friends at their current ability level even when they are not emotionally or physically able to leave their homes. This helps build the skills and confidence necessary to try it in-person. Research shows video games can increase social skills, and many gamers go on to form strong friendships with their online gaming.
Video games also foster communication skills by teaching strategies and techniques for resolving conflicts. They can also provide a fun and interactive way to learn and practice these essential abilities. Board games encourage players to communicate and engage with one another, while video games can help develop cooperation skills and supporting skills as players have the option to work together to form alliances and create teams working.
In conclusion, video games can significantly benefit children’s mental health, social skills, cognitive abilities, and mental health. Role-playing games are naturally cooperative, making them a fun, engaging, and low-stakes way to practice and learn.
📹 I Improved My Social Skills As FAST As I Could – HERE’S HOW
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Do video games improve communication?
A survey by the National Literacy Trust in the UK found that video games can positively impact children’s literacy and communication skills, promoting overall mental well-being. The survey, involving 4, 626 participants aged 11 to 16, found that over a third of children who play video games believe gaming enhances their reading abilities. This group, comprising 79. 4% of gamers, actively engages with gaming-related materials monthly. The study also highlighted the importance of the “shared cultural experience” of gaming among young people, with 76.
3 of young players engaging in conversations about video games with friends, surpassing 29. 4 who discuss books. This social interaction, both in real life and online, plays a crucial role in building positive communication skills among youth.
How can games be used to raise social awareness?
Social awareness is crucial for young children with ASD, as it involves understanding and discriminating social cues, such as communication signals, preferences, and emotions. It is essential for developing other social skills and increasing naturalistic learning opportunities. Some game ideas that can promote social awareness for young children with ASD include the Imitation Game, Treasure Hunt (Silence Version), Delivery Game, and Kiddy Charade.
These games require players to take turns imitating each other, allowing them to learn new social or other skills without direct guidance. Teaching should be fun and meaningful, as people learn better when teaching is fun and meaningful. Overall, these game ideas can help promote social awareness and self-learning for young children with ASD.
How does esports help with social skills?
Esports, like D&D, facilitate the development of communication, collaboration, and creative thinking skills in students, while also serving as a foundation for the formation of relationships. Video games play a particularly significant role in the formation of friendships among adolescents, especially among males.
What is the social learning theory of games?
Social learning theory suggests that playing aggressive video games can stimulate aggressive behavior in children, leading to imitation of the actions shown on screen. However, this theory has been a subject of debate for over 15 years, with little systematic research. The issue is particularly relevant as new games like Mortal Kombat use more explicit depictions of extreme violence.
Theoretically, video games can either promote aggressive tendencies (as predicted by social learning theory) or release aggressive tendencies (as predicted by catharsis theory). Social learning theory suggests that children will imitate the actions shown on screen, while catharsis theory suggests that aggressive video games can have a relaxing effect by channeling latent aggression, thus positively affecting a child’s behavior. This debate is particularly important as new games like Mortal Kombat use more explicit representations of extreme violence.
How do board games teach social skills?
Board games are a popular way for children to learn important social skills, such as waiting, turning, sharing, coping with loss, making conversation, problem-solving, compromising, collaborating, and being flexible. These skills are crucial for school-aged children to respond appropriately in social situations both inside and outside of the home. Board games like Candyland and Chutes and Ladders teach children that flexibility is crucial, as luck can change quickly.
Parents can also help children learn these skills by modeling a calm attitude when moving down the game board or losing. For example, if a parent is near the candy castle but picks a gingerbread man and needs to move back to the beginning of the game, they can say, “That’s okay, maybe next time I’ll pick a better card”. This helps children imitate an appropriate reaction to a difficult situation.
In summary, board games are a powerful tool for children to learn important social skills, boost self-esteem, develop fine motor skills, hand-eye coordination, number, shape, color, and word recognition, and encourage flexible thinking. By modeling a calm response, parents can help their children imitate appropriate reactions to difficult situations.
How do video games affect the brain?
Playing action video games can improve visual capabilities, including tracking multiple objects, mentally rotating objects, and manipulating them in the brain’s memory centers. These games also require players to think of a strategy, perform multiple tasks simultaneously, and make decisions with immediate and long-term impacts. This is similar to the multi-tasking skills found in most jobs today. However, excessive multi-tasking can lead to problems, such as difficulty focusing on lectures in a classroom setting. It is essential for young people to be aware of these benefits and exercise caution when playing games.
Can social skills be developed?
To improve social skills, find resources such as classes, books, podcasts, and tools on and offline. Focus on specific topics like body language, networking, and active listening to practice and improve your skills. Stay updated on current events and trends to keep conversations professional and friendly. Subscribing to local news alerts or industry-specific newsletters can provide direct content. Avoid controversial topics like politics or religion to maintain a professional tone.
Social skills can include a mixture of different skill sets, especially in the workplace. Effective communication is crucial in careers requiring regular contact with clients and customers. Four of the most in-demand workplace social skills include:
- Listening
- Listening actively
- Listening actively
- Listening actively
- Listening actively
- Listening actively
- Listening actively
- Listening actively
- Listening actively
- Listening actively.
Why do games bring people together?
Games can promote positivity and openness by fostering human interactions and bringing people together. The game developer’s job is to create a framework where players can live their own stories and adventures. Games, especially longer, service-driven titles, have a unique ability to build connections, forming longer, closer, and more intimate ties between gamers. Developers can create multiplayer games in genres beyond violent shooters, helping people accomplish goals as a group without necessarily having to shoot an enemy team in the face. This creates an environment that makes everyone feel included and makes games more accessible. The goal is to create a unique and engaging gaming experience for all.
Does gaming help you develop skills?
Parents often fear that video consoles may negatively impact their children’s academic performance, but they are mistaken. Videogames offer numerous benefits, including improved concentration, creativity, memory, language skills, and teamwork. They also facilitate learning educational content and cognitive skills. Legendary characters like Lara Croft and Tomb Raider have significantly impacted archaeology and taught history, geography, and mathematics to millions of children and adults worldwide.
The videogame industry, once a child-friendly pastime, has evolved into a mature sector with a global income of over $180 billion in 2022 and is predicted to exceed $200 billion in 2025, according to market intelligence company Newzoo. The industry’s importance in society is undeniable, and its growth is expected to continue.
What are the 10 benefits of play?
Play is a vital and essential part of our lives, promoting strength, intelligence, problem-solving, creativity, stress reduction, friendships, attractiveness, and resilience. It is universal across all human societies and helps develop in children but remains essential for adults. The Strong National Museum of Play celebrates the importance of play and publishes the latest scholarly research on the subject through its peer-reviewed publication, the American Journal of Play.
The article provides further exposition, exploration, and information on the research supporting these statements. To delve deeper, readers can refer to the articles in The Strong’s American Journal of Play.
How does playing develop social skills?
Playing is a crucial tool for children’s social skills development, as it allows them to explore their feelings and develop self-discipline. It is a natural and enjoyable way for children to stay active, healthy, and happy. Freely chosen play, where children control their play according to their instincts, imagination, and interests, is essential for their physical and mental health and learning life skills. There is no right or wrong way to play, and it significantly improves children’s health, well-being, and development.
📹 ADHD and Friendships: How to Play the Social Game!
The way ADHD brains develop can put us out of step with our childhood peers, leaving us feeling awkward, left out and with social …
One of the hardest parts about growing up with ADHD is the lack of understanding. I was only diagnosed when I left my mom’s place at 16 because she didn’t believe that it actually existed. Many of my teachers said that I “had so much potential, but needed to try harder”. I had no idea how to socialize when I became an adult because I’d been excluded from friend groups for being too “weird”, and is often say or do things that I had no idea were socially unacceptable. I really wish I found your articles when I was younger, it would have helped a lot! They do help me now though, so even though I’m still not completely adjusted to society, I feel a lot more comfortable in it.
I’m 20 and about to finally get diagnosed with ADHD after just being told by my doctor that there’s a super high chance that I have it. My doctor told me to check out your website and I’ve been bingeing your articles today. When you said that some parts of our brains are “a few years behind,” that made me feel so validated. For the past while, I’ve felt like I’m not mentally as developed as my peers and always saw that as something that’s my fault, as opposed to a disorder. It’s really nice to hear that there’s an explanation for this that isn’t just that I’m doing a bad job at being a person.
I am famous for saying the wrong thing. Being a hyper spaz. Dropping honest bombs. Only having friends that are not “age appropriate” according to the “norm”. Not being able to socialize except with Aspies and ADHDers. all I learned growing up was how to sabotage relationships before I became attached.
Does anyone have a problem acting extremely immature in certain social settings? I remember in middle school, I had some kids I hung out with at the lunch table every day. I acted really silly and think they mostly just tolerated my presence. Other than that, I was a shy and quiet kid. Fast forward to high school and again, I was shy and quiet until I got comfortable in the small class I was in and then I acted silly and like a little kid. The same thing happened in college with my sorority sisters. I was well-behaved otherwise, but put me in a group setting with my friends and it was like my maturity level plummeted. And it`s not “socially acceptable” stupid stuff either, like going out and getting drunk. It’s actual stupid stuff, like mushing potatoes all over your mouth. Grade schooler stuff. Or like taking an inside joke among friends and using it ad nauseam. Or constantly running a meeting off the rails with silly behavior. I can’t believe the things I used to do. Glad I finally grew out of it. But is this part of the ADHD or is this just me having been actually very immature and…I don’t even know what you would call it. I’m not an extrovert, so I don`t get energized from being around people, but it was like getting keyed up from being around them and being out of control as to how to act.
It was painful for me to watch my daughter (who is 22 now) experience the same things I did growing up. We would invite her friends over and they would say yes but then on the day of they would make up excuses why the couldn’t show, this happened consistently and the same people. Birthdays were the worst for her. She did find that “Level” where she has a lot of good quality supportive friends now tho.
I just came across this website after a night of crying out of frustration of how others react or interact with my 10 year old son. I’m going to have him watch this article tonight because he will relate to the article game theme so much. I also love how you explain things from your perspective, because as I parent, sometimes I feel lost on how to handle certain situations. Sometimes I feel as if I’m chipping away my sons self esteem and confidence, without even realizing. I love your thoughts, advice, and tidbits. This helps me to understand and connect with my son. Thanks so much. I’m subscribed to your website and can’t wait to view more of your articles!
I just want to tell you that your entire series has helped me FINALLY understand my child…and my ummmm child..is 38 years old. You just taught me today that. It’s not my fault, that he thinks differently that anyone else I know. Years of guilt…years of, “I’m reasonable intelligent, why can’t I teach my son?”, Years and years of not understanding leading to “am I a good mom”? why is this so hard? does he resent me? on and on and on. thank you so much for this series…its like the light at the end of the tunnel and there’s no train. God Bless, I feel so much better about me. I have always felt good about my son, he is so funny, witty, caring, loving, intelligent, but I have struggled with me, Thanks again
Big issue here- I have friends, i like them and i think they like me. And i forghet they exist… often. I get so caught up in my sfuff, be it my job or just killing vampries in skyrim, that i completely forghet they exist for, sometimes weeks. I don’t message them or ask them to go for a beer. I’ve found myself accidentally isolated from my friends and family for a couple weeks because i got caught up at work… and neither friends nor family appreciate it. I’m not sure what to do. I congratulate my friends and family for being so patient with me. I fogthot my dad’s birthday yesteday and he was only slightly upset, which is a lot, but i don’t want to keep trying their patience. ¿And advice you can give me?
I related to this so much that I started to tear up. I’d never heard someone explain that they felt like there’s were social rules that everyone seemed to know but themselves before. I had always felt this way growing up but had never heard it put into words before. I also liked learning the science behind it. I feel really relieved now. I hope you have a great day!
Hey there, listen to this. i’m a 21 male who spent 4 years alone on the internet but talked with people and generally got along. The last 2 months working at a new workplace has boosted me socially (invites to bonfires, invites to coffee (however i think to much and I going to stop right before I get too personal and overthink something, shit I’m overthinking, anyways)) and it is all good, however, I’m looking to get more personal one-on-one with new people. Wha-how-er I’m at a lost. I tell myself “ADHD is unique and I should embrace it” and then I say “ADHD is making me look like I’m 12 and its killing me in the most depressing ways.” Huh, Back to people, I love people, I really like you and your articles because its scares me how similar they are to my life experiences. How do I do invites. I don’t know “where” to start. Thanks in advance however I will monitor this comment 24/7 until i forget and come back in 2 weeks.
I went to 8 different schools because of my step dad’s job which was in a different city every few years.. So I had an early exposure to the many many MANY different types of people and friendship groups.. at some schools I was harassed and bullied allot and other schools I was accepted and well liked… Which left me really unsure of what to think of myself but I did manage to note my quirks were often amusing to others and learnt to play it up as sort of a class clown type. After school I went to drama school and did an acting degree and was SURROUNDED by the most amazing and crazy individuals I’ve ever met and I spent three years with them basically affirming my quirky outrageous personality. When I left uni I was so confident and enthusiastic, it didn’t matter who you were I would happily approach anyone and do my best to make em laugh. I still have tons of self doubt however but I also have experience and memories of times that I’ve been absolutely fine and I LOVE to challenge myself to be bolder than any of my friends… Atm though I’m done with people for a bit… I seem to have a love / hate relationship with people in that I either really wanna be around everyone doing absolutely evening.. Or I wanna be home alone totally isolated for maybe weeks on end not answering to anybody. My adhd is certainly a fun ride though and I wouldn’t change it for anything.
I’m 21.. all of my friends my age are in the lets go to the club level of the “social game” I’m usually a extroverted and social person, but I cant bring myself to do this. This “level” gives me so much anxiety. I did not know this had to do with my ADHD but it makes SOOO MUCH SENSE. My whole life I have gotten a lot much better and felt most comfortable with people just a bit younger than me, I know why now!! Thank you so much for this. I guess I’ve got to start small and work my way up to the “level” my same aged friends are at.
Coffee dates are my favourite level! The strong taste of coffee and the tactile aspect of the mug helps me focus on the person, and being a good listener, instead of dominating the conversation. I’m glad there is a scientific reason I always struggled with the social game and it isn’t just in my head.
3:02 is a godsend, that’s how I knew what to do at a party and made me more confident because I was prepared for what to expect and how I should approach groups of people I want to socialize with and meet cool people. However remember to enjoy the process, don’t put stress on yourself to “perform” well. Remember we are there first and foremost to enjoy ourselves, to socialize and have fun. Not to try and be perceived as cool and make others like us. And don’t stress, keep putting yourself out there consistently and I promise you will get better! Also if you decide not to actively work on getting better at the social game, your social confidence slowly but surely starts to decline massively. Let’s say you decided to focus on studying and no partying for one semester. Well, you might notice that you became pretty rusty in those 4 months in talking to new people or maintaining good eye contact with people. Or listening without overthinking and getting stuck up in your head. It’s like building a muscle, if you don’t use it you lose it. But if you put in the effort again – you’ll gain it back way faster than the first time. It’s just like muscle memory.
I’m 15 years old and was diagnosed with ADHD and ODD and other stuff when I was around 11-12 and I never fully understand ed it, however neither did my mum and one of the most difficult question I ever had to answer was “why did you do that” and the reason it was really difficult was because I never could understand why myself because I knew it was a bad thing to do and I knew I shouldn’t do it and sometimes I just didn’t want to do it at all but I just randomly did it and was then forced to try to explain that… I can’t explain
I’m 28 and was only diagnosed this year. Incredibly I’ve maintained the same small but close group of friends for 10 years (one for 20). However I found it impossible to make work friends. In previous jobs people ignored me, thought I was a weirdo and generally disliked me. But in my current one, I’ve actually made friend with everyone in my office to the point where we hang out outside of work. I think being diagnosed made me self aware of my issues
Thank you! This has been one of the better explanations of how to ADHD with friends that I’ve ever heard I especially love the analogy of a article game and the frustrations that come with the real life friend game. My problem is my group of friends keep changing with my life I get a really good group of friends in one area my church my job my community and then something happens and I have to move far away from them and I forget to reach out to that group of friends again.
Your articles are amazing! These are stress relievers for me. It feels so good to be understood and be told that I’m not crazy. Everytime my family makes me feel weird for talking about my ADHD or mental health in general, I start feeling guilty for getting diagnosed and help (All I wanted was to live up to my potential because I could always feel like I can do so much better). I don’t have amazing grades yet to show them that I am not crazy for thinking there’s something wrong with my brain, since I just started medication a few weeks ago. So I watch your articles to feel better after talking to my family. You’re amazing and you’re touching so many lives.
I never actually had friends although I’m pretty social and people can laugh with me. Somehow after graduation I never see them again because they have their own group of friends in their hometown. It’s frustrating, I really need people around me to get me through life. All my five brothers and two sisters have so many friends but I’m always alone. Wish I was drunk 24/7, that makes things alote easier.
I haven’t finished perusal this and I’m ready to cry…and LEARN. So timely I saw this. I had a falling out with one of my only friends the other day. She has BPD, but this really was primarily on me. I have been feeling like I don’t even want to bother to continue a friendship with her. Feeling down on myself.
This is great information I’ve been deceiving from you no wonder why I didn’t have friends growing up cause with my ADHD I never knew and still don’t know how to properly approach someone to start a conversation I’m 35 and have been through 9 girlfriends which has given me social anxiety this is probably why I’m happier with my own thoughts talking to me and being able to sense my late cats spirits around me
The only long term friendship, I still have, was arranged by our parents, becasue I was so asocial. I still have no clue how to social and at every party I go, I just get completely drunk, becasue that is how I avoid the stress of being faced by actual people. Nedless to say, that I never had any sort of relationship.
I love this! I have ADHD, but I also have autism. Sometimes talking to people goes great, but other times i can’t even manage to keep the conversation going for a minute… I also have the trouble with the fact that I don’t feel the need to be social, even though I enjoy it when I am being social. However, since I don’t feel the need to do it, i barely do it.. Luckily I made some really cool and amazing friends at dance camp this year :). They motivate me to be social with them and in a couple months I have organized more ‘play dates’ with them than I mostly do in a year Definitely going to try this tips though (if I don’t forget), they are useful for my ADHD and autism! 🙂 Thank you
You keep letting me fall down the youtube hole… Today, I just wanted to look up your article about the pomodoro technique because I wanted to try it out for writing – and ended up perusal 6 articles. I am in the process to check if I have ADHD now but all your articles are so relatable and helpful to me, and they helped me realize that with a little help I might not have to feel like a failure or a fraud all the time and that I don’t have to be scared to mess up every responsibility I take on. So thank you for that!
i have a friend named kacey a boy im a boy however when we used to have sleep overs me and him had meltdowns then we would say we are not friends anymore however we would always get back together and we lived happily ever after but then all of a sudden he came up to me and said he was moving to des monies iowa i had a melt down because i thought i would never see him again and i was right i never did see him againhe wont even answer facetime anymorehe was my only best friendthis was last year
So thankful I found this! Really helping me understand why I’m crazy. At 58 finally understanding that I’m a round peg in a square world and I’m frustrated that those square pegs are making me conform to their world! My emotions are off the chain when it comes to social behavior. I “used” to be easy going, take the risk, go to the edge of the cliff, now I find the nearest corner in social settings and try to find at least one person to engage in conversation. I feel that I’m always the odd girl out. Work, that’s a joke, I don’t “fit” anywhere, I usually spend my day in my office with my door shut trying to maintain my focus. Yes, I take medication for Adult ADD but still forget even the simple things like paying bills or returning phone calls. These articles help me understand more about why I am the way that I am and I will use the tips and suggestions. My biggest regret; Losing Me, I want “ME” back. I want that girl that takes risks, goes to the edge of the cliff and climb the water tower in my home town! I need an adult ADD boot camp to unlearn all the baggage the square pegs have forced me to live by all these years. Depressing isn’t it when you put the words down in type!!
My son is 11 years old and we watch some of your articles together. I watch them all and the ones like this with subjects that apply to him I have him watch them with me. We are both huge fans. He wanted me to make a comment and say, “I will love to have some friends and have fun with other people. But how do I do that?” He is the ADHD kid that is constantly getting picked on because he doesn’t fit in. Thank you for doing what you do. You’re awesome.
I’m in first year (7th grade) now and have gone through my first term (start of school year-Christmas break) so everyone paired up and made their friends. I’ve made a good friend but about 2 – 2 &1/2 months ago another girl decided to make friends with us. Sure she’s nice and my other friend seems to really like her but I just can’t seem to click with her. And I’m afraid I’ll get left behind! What should I do? Should I go make of my other friends/acquaintances better or should I just wait I’m just jumping to conclusions and am being a bit dramatic?
I started perusal today, at age,27… 1rst article in.. O can already see ssooooooo many things click into place. It’s been years of hating myself and not understanding why I couldn’t do anything without making a horrible anxious overly excited mess of anything and feeling like a burden to any one coming close… Thank you so so much for making this website.
Hi, I am an 18-year-old woman with ADD. I have always had severe school anxiety dating back to a hard patch with a friend when he went from being a homeshcooler like I am, to a pre-teen schooler. I saw less of him all of a sudden, I could feel a proverbial wall grown between us, and having ADD, I blew some of this WAYYYYY out of proportion, sure I had lost him forever and wondering now what the hell I was going to do without him in my life. But all this to say, I associated “losing him” with him going to school, and it became a big monster that had swallowed up my friend. And all this year, I have had to combat five years of trauma and stress because I decided to take a class I really wanted to do there, and now that I’m on the other side of that month it feels Great! I also think in the time that I spend internalizing it all as personal, I did stop being vulnerable to those I loved and closed off to anything hard or challenging, and this proved very hurtful to me and my well-being. I think I started to realize that vulnerability was a threat and a show of weakness, and that IS NOT TRUE. EVER. Anyway, I just watched this article of yours on ADD and Friendships, and I thought I would share this to lead to my point. That social anxiety and challenges is real and happens to the most social of us too. I am a extrovert and used to be very good at moving through a crowd chatting up everyone as a young toddler, but like all, as you grow up you are told to stop that and grow up and mature, YOU DON’T NEED TOO OR HAVE TOO to be successful. So thank you Jessica for making article’s for all your pals in the ADD world like me to access and learn about themselves! <3
omg I only found this website after the ted talk. I was diagnosed with ADD now ADHD (whereas I’m mentally hyperactive) when I was in 3rd grade. And only now in the 10th grade do I actually understand ADHD the annoying thing I’ve had my whole life and I’ve been perusal your articles for like a day now and I think they help me understand myself so thanks. Also for m it’s like I want to have friends and play the social game but I don’t know how. So when a friend says do you wanna hang out I’ll say yeah sure but I always find myself interrupting people off or on my meds. And they know stuff all about ADHD so they think I’m being an ass and I just feel bad. But this actually helps a lot thank you so much and great ted talk.
The hardest thing about socializing for me was (and still is) being able to contribute to a conversation, mostly because it takes me a while to 1) Analyze what was just said, 2) Think of what I can say to add to the topic (This one always takes the longest since I have to ask myself if it’s something interesting, relevant, and appropriate *as in ‘Do people really care or want to hear that*) and 3) Say it while it still has to do with the topic and without interrupting someone. For example: Someone in the conversation starts Topic A, which makes me start the thought process I mentioned earlier. By the time I’m ready to perform step 3, the group has moved on to Topic E. I got used to being happy just listening to others talk around me, feeling the flow of the conversation, laughing when something funny is said, etc. Now I’m at a point where I can chime in every so often since I can go through the steps faster.
I’m 15 with ADHD going into my sophomore year of highschool. Let me just say for those of you who have yet to get into highschool, or graduated so long ago times have changed, it’s hard. I love in such a small area friends don’t come in a variety and when you have social problems with school on top, my brain has an anxiety attack. All. The. Time. This article will hopefully help me and many other people!
You have made me proud to call myself ADHD, but I would like to know how do deal with teacher who don’t understand how to work with someone like myself… al my teachers keep telling me that they aren’t the teacher for me and I cant help it but think maybe its because they don’t know how to work with someone with ADHD, Im not asking for special treatment Im asking for my teacher to somehow understand my brain if that makes any sense… for example I say sorry for literally for no reason btw I watch your article on that, anyway my teacher keeps getting frustrated with me for saying sorry to her and I honestly cant help it so I end up saying sorry for saying sorry and we end up getting in even more of a bigger argument and I end up saying sorry for saying sorry for saying sorry. And I end up having an ADHD melt down cause of it all.. I don’t want to use my ADHD as a reason for some of the things I do in life but I don’t know what to say when they ask me whats wrong with you? and what is it your not getting?… P.s. sorry for the ranting. I just need help, thanks
Creating your own levels… I think the better technical term is lobby – but this is actually genius, and recommended for dates! If you’re nervous about a lobby, make the level enjoyable and if you’re comfortable with a lobby, make the level more difficult – this way you’re always at least partially in your comfort zone…
I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD since childhood and it has not been easy. My wife has it also. We’ve been together for 16 years now. It’s been very difficult at times. I feel I have learned a greater deal of information from your articles than before. Thank you so much for helping me understand this. Everyday I get up I try so hard to be mindful of my actions and reaction to those around me. 75% of the time I feel like I fail. perusal your articles lets me know I don’t suffer alone. Once again thank you.
Oh my God. This article just COMPLETELY shifted my perspective. Instead of feeling like I‘m auditioning for „the friend role”, I can just interact with the intention of OBSERVING my conversational partner! AND turns out, there are people who are good by „cheating” (you put it perfectly btw), and this explains why I feel in awe of some people and much worse about myself when I‘m done talking to them. Thank you for this epiphany ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Man, I love your website so much. I just lost a friend recently because I am “stupid, forgetful, not great at communicating, bad with my phone.” No? I am none of those. I have ADHD, my brain runs differently. I have bad memory loss, short term for sure. I just left it at, “love it or leave it.” She left it and I didn’t give a damn.
The “social game” concept is really great way to view social interaction for people with ADD. I saw one other article you posted where you were showing off your home and your ADD hacks, and i was shocked at how many similarities there were between me and you. I know you must be very busy but I’d really like to chat with you sometime if you are willing. I have adopted a few strategies and systems that aren’t widely known about that are extremely helpful in day to day life.
I have one true long term friend 🙁 who lives 2300 miles away… ) I am male and 52 years old. It is so so so stressful not having a group that I just hang out with regularly that I connect with in person. My previous job experience taught me to be social. I use humor to relate to people and connect. People seem to like being with me but it feels like I am a fraud. No one want to be with me really I tell myself. This is reinforced by people I thought I connected with and work to build a connection to never get any reciprocation in the friendship direction. There is No initiation on anyone’s part but my own to meet or talk. What is even worse is that my wife has ADHD but she seems to have some friends she has known for a long time ( last 10 years since we moved to a new neighborhood in the same metro area we both grew up in.) and a whole list of female friends that are there to support her. For women it seems this “it takes a village” mentality works. But for males it is way different. Why!? Is it this hard for everyone ? I am crying hard while writing this. More and more things are hitting me as I write that just reminds me of the blinding reality of how lonely I am. Is this even normal for adhd people!?
I found out my cycle is this: Something long and tedious is due -> procrastinate with articles -> send articles to friends and then a suitable acquaintance with no context for shits and giggles to see if they judge me -> realizing that an actual rejection would hurt b/c I’m too sensitive so I sober up -> continue doing The Work
While I am not sure if I have ADHD yet (trying to get tested in the near future), this article does help explain why I struggle with fostering really deep friendships where I don’t feel awkward with a person if we hangout with them for more than an hour. I did grew up homeschooling (loved it and no regrets) and usually saw friends about once a week for a coop or ice skating lesson. I also regularly met new people in college. Thus, I became really good at starting up that initial friendship and connecting with people once a week for something we both attended. However, I never needed to regularly text people or meet up with them more than once a week. This might explain why if I interact with someone for more than an hour, I start to get really self conscious; I don’t have any experience at that level of friendship! I am going to try to organize more group and individual hangouts with my friend to practice seeing them more than once a week.
Ahhh all these comments make me feel less alone in the world and this article was so helpful holy sh!t! I’m 17 and just got diagnosed with inattentive adhd after wondering why I am perpetually losing everything, zoning out when friends are talking to me, and generally being “slow on the uptake” at all times. For all the ADHD people who also get frustrated with social stuff you got this!
i have a group of 2 friends that all have adhd, bipolar, and anxiety and we all get along so well. we’ve been best friends since kindergarten (i’m a senior in high school) and they’re the only people i feel comfortable being myself around. even though i’m not diagnosed with anything, they’re really the only people that understand me and my problems
I have found service and working with kids has helped me with social skills a lot. You can’t take your eyes off of kids or they get in trouble, so that helps with having something urgent to focus on, and in turn the more I focus on others, the more my brain gets a break from other things like depression and anxiety, which helps me to be more myself and not worry about making mistakes. Kids are way more forgiving too.
I’ve never had a hard time making friends, but I think I just happen to be around a lot of other people with ADHD (anecdotally, we seem to find each other and band together), especially because I worked in the restaurant industry for 15 years, and it’s full of brains. A lot of my long time friends have been diagnosed within the.last few years, it’s actually how I started realizing I probably had it, before I talked to a doctor.
This is again, and as ever really good content. Really wash out the stigma of it. Through my hobby, which is playing games I have met many young people who are completely open about their ADHD and other things. My heart just swells every time, because I’m so happy they just say it as it is, and that’s okay. ”I have ADHD” or ”It could be my ADHD” and I’m there ”Wait, you can say that now? oooh, right its 2022 🙂 ” haha When I was younger, you would be judged so hard
😲😲😲😲😲😲 me too I am 36 years old and i suffered my entire life with not fitting any where and keeping friends is such a mission impossible 😢 social game is so frustrating i do pray to God every single day to make me good at it coz its just impossible 4 me. Thanks to u now i know that i may have some sort of ADHD and will seek the help i need. Many many many thanks to you 😇
I was trying to finish the whole article and then I realize that if I didn’t post this now that I would never get it done. So here goes I’ve been perusal this stuff for a while now starting with the TED Talk… Bee tee dubs was absolutely awesome… It’s spelled out bt-dubs wow. Nevermind. The Ted Talk was awesome! And it changed and revolutionized my life at the time which was like 2 weeks ago and I’ve been hyped up ever since! Strange play on words. Pun unintended. So this article on friendships, that’s where I thought I was going when I started this, and thus we see my my problem… Friendships. LOL. I’m really glad you did this article on friendships the way you did it because I desperately needed this topic addressed now especially with my, love the way you say it, ADHD brain. And I’m so grateful that the article was done with the metaphor of a article game because talking about friendships and relationships is kind of difficult for me personally, I speak for myself, and facing that like right now though it’s something I want to face it would be rather difficult if not made interesting and a little lighter. So doing it on article games as a metaphor was really really awesome for me because, even though I had to stop before the end of the article to remember to do this, the articles been helpful so far. This awareness about how my brain works is super helpful and your articles along with the links and other articles have made me feel like I’m part of the tribe. That I’m not alone. That I can be successful at everything I who is always trying to be successful at.
Thank you so much for posting all this! I’ve been in a rut for a long time (it comes and goes in waves) beating myself up about my anxiety over continuing my education (school was never my strong suit even though I am intelligent) and I stumbled upon your Ted Talk… which led me here.Watching what you post has given me a new sense of hope and belonging- your tips help simplify my VERY cluttered mind (maybe not all the way all the time) buuuut that’s ADHD for you 🙂 Thank you. You’ve done something amazing for SO many people <3 If only I could find some of those amazing people near me to hang out with (I need friends :'( )
Saludos desde México!! Mi nombre es Alejandro tengo 31 años y descubrí que tenia ADHD… Hace 6 meses desde entonces había estado investigando del tema y tus articles son lo mejor que he visto hasta ahora, mi pareja los ve conmigo y estamos aprendiendo juntos a hacer de esto algo benéfico, haciendo retrospectiva todo cobra sentido en todos los niveles y quiero agradecerte por tener este canal y ayudarme a conocerme
I connected so much with the beginning of this article you have no idea! I have always felt it must just be something i was doing and the idea that everyone just magically seemed to know how to do social things must be that i just can’t get it. But the idea that it may just be that my brain developed a little slower really resinates with me and makes me feel like, ok maybe I’m not broken 🙂
Omg!!! This explains so much. I always felt I was a little behind socially. Junior high was terrible! When I got to high school, I decided to change things, but I didn’t know how. Luckily, someone from my junior high saw me and asked me to lunch. And then I was part of a nice crowd gotta keep in touch with to this day. It wasn’t until my 50s when a friend said “you can always say hi.” Mind blowing!!! I still didn’t know what to do about lunch in the cafeteria at work. In my 40s. It was awful.
I am so grateful for you and your website! You have both helped me understand my girls (ages 7 & 9) who have ADHD and given me words to explain it to others. I am a better mom and advocate because of your articles. Thank you! Btw, any age-specific resources for young girls would always be appreciated. Keep up the amazing job you are doing!
This article is amazing. I wish I’d known this 30 years ago. And I would really love an update to this article, maybe very much focused for clueless, jaded no-longer-young adults. I do have one or two friends left from university days (none from school, for a reason) but we’re not as close as I would like. It was easier to have friends in my 20s but I suffered a lot from depression in my late 20s and early 30s which killed my social life and now I feel like I have no mental energy for friendships. I’m always doing or saying or being the wrong thing. I find it really hard to care about the minutiae of others lives because it’s hard enough to keep track of my own. It would be very good to have a “how to develop/resurrect friendships as an adult with ADHD who also struggles with social anxiety and depression and maybe has limited money and time.” And especially how to get to that close friendship point. I feel so burned by every time I have shared “too much” of myself in the past, I just can’t face it. I also do fall into people pleasing mode and also don’t share things about myself because now I can’t stand to take up people’s time and attention because I got told I was clingy and over emotional etc in the past. Rejection sensitivity? So I know I come off as both inauthentic and stand-offish because I put a front on and find it difficult to be myself. And yes there are communities that are more accepting of weird but then I don’t feel weird enough, I can’t pretend just to fit in. sigh sorry for the rant, I just feel very very lonely sometimes and this came up on my feed today.
I was diagnosed with ADHD at a time where my parents had never even heard of it. I grew up thinking that it was something that was merely a factor in the classroom. Little did I know, it would play an insidious and incessant part in my entire social life going into adulthood. If I could get it down to only forgetting people’s names, I’d be so happy.
My resolution for this year is to develop a character of stoicism and humour. I am curious about re-discovering the power of friendship. I am hardened against having relationships. I feel like I only have weak ties. What is helping me is Habitica, How to ADHD, and (podcast) Speak Up Storytelling. I even made a goal called “Go To Movies”, because it’s something I love to do, but I don’t do often enough.
This makes so much sense… I struggled to make friends back in elementary school. Only when I moved to middle school, I was able to start actually making friends. One of the closest friendships that I still kept today was from middle school, and another from high school. I love them both so much (platonically of course, just in case someone assumes otherwise 😅)
Omg… The more of these articles I watch, the more I understand problems I had no idea were due to my ADHD. This literally explains my childhood struggles so well that it hurts. Luckily I’ve already gotten a lot better at the social games thanks to patient and insistent friends in Highschool. Friends who had patience when I was awkward, and had the awareness not to make me feel bad about it, friends I picked up on the social game rules from. Friends who would push me to go to a social event like a party, when I tried to bail out because of social anxiety. Then, me playing low level, by simply talking to one person in the corner while everyone else was doing the ‘partying’, I could gain experience while also having fun and being more likely to go next party I was invited to.
Wonderful,,,, Ur articles are so charismatic to us, just because the way you describe is so fun that we get “dopamine rush”,, Now perusal this article is one of the luxury (like listening to loud music)… I think adds deliver stuff the way to want to be delivered. We want to get lectures in a high fun level, thats why deliver articles in high “fun”, (which to us is normal).. thats why we rock it !!
Adult here, not officially diagnosed (doctor thinks I’m probably right, but I’m not struggling enough for an NHS diagnosis) – mostly doing OK, but lockdown has brought out my social anxiety. During normal conditions, two things really help: 1, gather with other people who don’t quite fit in (a lot of my friends have asperger’s syndrome, etc. – people who really don’t mind if you get it wrong); 2, watch the How to ADHD article on romantic relationships – the “be honest about where you are” tip is spot on if you’re super-clingy; 3, there’s another really good website on here called Charisma On Command that teaches you how to people. I really liked the one on how to be likeable if you’re super-awkward (basically, lean into it and bring others along with you, like if you fall off your chair, just laugh and say, “Well, THAT was awkward!”)