Many parents with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) tend to overextend themselves in catering to their children’s needs, leading to feelings of surprise or resentment when their children grow up. Emotional abuse, also known as psychological abuse, is a pattern of behavior perpetuated by a parent that causes a child to experience emotional distress, harms their sense of self-worth, and has negative effects on their development. Overprotective parents can cause emotional scars in their children, which can lead to a lack of boundaries between the parent and their child.
Child psychologists and psychiatrists recommend avoiding certain behaviors when disciplining or scolding their child, such as using the words “you are” or “your behavior is”. Enmeshed parents may not have clear boundaries between them and their child, leading to tangled relationships. The parentified child who supports the parent often incurs a cost to her own psychic stability and development.
Most scars of parenting are internal, and psychologists and child behavior specialists can help distinguish between ungrateful children and those who have been victims of toxic influence. Consistently failing to provide necessary emotional support to children can imprint an adverse impression on them. Every child is different, and some may feel the need to cut ties with their parents due to early childhood experiences that may have involved trauma.
In conclusion, overprotective parenting can negatively impact children’s lives and development. It is essential for parents to avoid overbearing and focus on providing emotional support to their children to prevent negative consequences.
📹 Why Narcissists Want Children – Yet Scar Them For Life. Expert on Narcissism Explains
When becoming a parent, Pathological Narcissists construct a fictional repackaging of their life so that their childhood attachment …
What are the characteristics of an unpopular child?
Children who display anti-social, defiant, angry, bossy, impulsive, and shy tendencies are at an elevated risk of becoming unpopular as a result of a lack of social skills and parental guidance, which is a term that is often avoided.
Is it OK to say no to your kids?
The act of declining an offer can serve as an invaluable pedagogical instrument, imparting lessons in delayed gratification, endurance, and the significance of recognizing that not all desires may be fulfilled.
What is an example of a mother sacrifice?
As a mother, I made significant compromises in order to guarantee my child’s well-being and to be able to dedicate my time exclusively to my child.
What sacrifices parents make for their children?
Parenting is a sacrificial job, but sometimes parents must sacrifice convenience in unexpected ways. Five sacrifices are essential for raising children:
Sacrificing convenience: Parents often have to do inconvenient tasks for their children, such as running to the drug store or helping with homework. This can be inconvenient for both parents and their children.
Sacrificing convenience: Parents may have to prioritize their children’s needs and wants over their own, which can be inconvenient for both parties.
In conclusion, parents should make sacrifices in their parenting journey to ensure their children’s well-being and satisfaction.
How to handle rude parents?
Angry, difficult, or hostile parents can be a significant challenge for teachers, increasing stress and pressure. To handle these situations, it is essential to remain calm, professional, protect yourself, find positives in the situation, narrow down the problem, keep good records, and involve a Social Worker (SLT). To do this, stay calm, professional, and take deep breaths in and out. This approach can help teachers navigate these challenging situations and maintain a positive work environment.
What is depleted mother syndrome?
Mom burnout, also known as depleted mother syndrome, is a feeling of mental, emotional, and physical exhaustion, depersonalization, and lack of fulfillment resulting from intense child care demands. It is more common among women due to the disproportionate burden of parenting responsibilities on mothers, even when they work full-time outside the home. Symptoms of mom burnout include extreme feelings of exhaustion, depersonalization, and lack of fulfillment.
What to tell your child when no one wants to play with them?
It is of the utmost importance to acknowledge and comprehend the significance of play for young children when they indicate a lack of interest in engaging in play activities. Play is a fundamental aspect of a child’s development, akin to the importance of money and love. It is imperative not to trivialize the situation by suggesting that everything will be resolved by tomorrow. In the event of having missed an opportunity to engage in play with a child, it is advisable to seek assistance from the child in question.
What are the 5 kinds of sacrifices?
The order of core sacrificial prescriptions in Leviticus 1-16 is logical and effective for teaching the procedures. The book begins with previously known categories of sacrifices that individual Israelites could voluntarily offer, followed by two new kinds of mandatory expiatory sacrifices instituted with the establishment of the sanctuary: purification offerings and reparation offerings. It makes sense to introduce the five basic categories of sacrifices – burnt, grain, well-being, purification, and reparation offerings – one at a time before supplementary instructions in Leviticus 6–7 that are primarily for the priests. This avoids excessive complexity of presentation.
The instructions in Leviticus 1–7 concerning the basic kinds of sacrifices are placed before the narrative of the consecration and inauguration services in Leviticus 8–10, which combine several kinds of sacrifices in higher level ritual complexes. These elaborate services to initiate the ritual system necessarily took place before the priests could officiate the sacrifices of individuals in Leviticus 1–7. The text moves from the simple to the more complex so that the reader/hearer can understand what is going on without being overwhelmed by the details of complicated procedures.
Leviticus 11–15 give instructions regarding physical ritual impurities, which logically precedes Leviticus 16, regarding the Day of Atonement, when physical impurities are purged from the sanctuary along with moral faults.
What if I don’t want my child anymore?
If you’re considering adopting your child, you can choose to place them with a family member or friend, known as an identified adoption. This process doesn’t necessarily require working with an agency, but you can contact a local adoption attorney for more information. An attorney will guide you through the legal steps and help you consider factors to consider. Alternatively, you can work with an agency to find a family with whom to place your child, as some agencies accept older infants and can help you find the perfect parents. Both options offer different options for adopting a child.
How to identify toxic parents?
Toxic parents frequently transgress boundaries, precipitating emotional outbursts, readily offending, divulging personal matters, exhibiting excessive criticism, attributing blame to others rather than assuming responsibility, becoming enmeshed with the child, and requesting that their perspective be considered.
Is it normal to not want anymore kids?
It is a common phenomenon for individuals of all genders and ages to opt for a life without children.
📹 How Parents Scar Their Kids During Separation
Separation is an extremely emotional time, and sometimes this can cause parents to unintentionally hurt their children. Nardine …
remember people, you went thru hell and came out kicking. you are the salt of the earth, and thats why the narcissist fears you, and preys on you. realize your potential and stop being a victim. its a damn blessing to have such a strong backbone, and you had the best strength training in the world. rise up like the fucking pheonix out of the ashes, and take your power back. it was always yours!!!!!⚡⚡⚡
My mother was a beautiful blue-eyed blonde. My father was brunette with hazel eyes. I was born with my father’s coloring. One of the first things I remember my mother saying about me as an infant was,” I was so disappointed when I saw you. I thought you were going to look just like me.” It escalated to “you’re just like your father,” who she grew contemptuous of as years went on. I never did leave her, although I tried. I even moved 3,000 miles away, but she packed her bags and followed me. I gave up and stayed with her until the moment she died. I consider that moment my time of birth. Finally physically free of her. But even after 12 years of therapy she sometimes haunts my peace of mind. I guess if we are born to a narcissist we forever wonder what dreadful bad luck had befallen us.
You get a mini-version of yourself who is obliged by law to listen to you and do whatever you tell them to for at least 1.5 decades. And if you ruin them enough so that they can’t live on their own – you get to keep a whole living person for yourself for the rest of your life (or until they hang themselves in the closet). What’s not to want for a narcissist?
I think they just enjoy having an innocent child to abuse & blame for their own unhappiness & shitty life. I was never allowed to be happy. If I was even slightly happy, they made sure to wipe that smile right off my face. Mentally, emotionally & physically abusive. Anybody can breed & that is the problem.
My narc mother had children to take care of her in her old age. My older sister commited suicide because she could never please my narc mother. (only 2 of us) I had her come visit me & realized the damage she did to me as a child was all coming up with her ruthless comments to me that degraded me. I had spent years putting humpty dumpty together again & she was undoing 45 years of work I had done to break free of her inhumanity. So, I could not live through that again, or I too would have ended up like my sister. I could not let her control my self image.
Omg this defines my mother. She rejected me at 2 because I refused to be her baby doll . I hated dresses I preferred my brothers hand me down jeans and playing with him and his friends she has never changed and favored my brother and ignored my sister . God raised me and has helped get whole and happy
I’m thankful that I’ve had the insight that I am not capable of being an attentive enough parent to have a healthy human child. I’ve been called selfish for not wanting children since before my reproductive age. The truth is that I’ve dreamed about having babies, but I’ve know that I can’t provide the emotional connection that they need. I’m stuck being an adult child, trying to figure out how to function in the world. I have to be a parent to myself.
As a child of 2 narcissistic parents and the mother of two sons whose father is diagnosed ASPD/NPD. I think narcissists have children because it is one thing to check off the list of what successful and envied people do. To not have children would imply that something was wrong with them or they were less than in some way not too different from how they’d feel about not owning their home or having a prestigious career or education. They lack everything that is required to be even a good enough parent and the impact can be devastating.
She told me she wanted a baby so I asked her to tell me why. The explanations had nothing to do with me. In fact I never came up in any of the reasons she wanted a baby. It was all about her and her existing 12 year old son. I told her no way I was having a child with her. I recently divorced her. She is now the ex-strife. I went no contact. Day 21!!!
Thank you for your compassion Ross. A perfect description of my childhood. We were ignored, yelled at, left to grow up with our loving mum who struggled to cope with the drinking and moods. The good times were when we were behaving or doing something he liked to do. As children we were told, ‘you know your dad – he only thinks about himself.’ We thought he was a normal dad. No one saved us because no one knew about npd. It was seen as just another family dynamic. It took me 53 years to learn that this was narcissistic abuse. It feels empowering to know what drives the behaviour but sad that so much damage has been done. People with npd should not have children because they severely damage and even destroy lives.
If a narc mother wants have a “perfect blue eyes” child, brown eyes child becomes a scapegoat. Narc mother sees the child as a unwanted burden she has to feed, spend her money on, can not get rid of child because of all the financial benefits etc.. Of course all around feel sorry for that “poor single mother” who has to be so strong and work so hard etc….
I can’t thank you enough for this article. My mother is a narcissist. She has told me that she had children because she loves babies and not children. Having her as a mother has been terrible. I understand that there is nothing I can do to make her the loving mother I’ve always wanted. I have been grieving for years. I have purchased your book on Amazon and it should arrive in two days. Thank you again. Thank you 🙏
I have C-PTSD from two narcissist parents, emotionally fragile and it’s now made me ill with an immune disorder. She made me hate myself. I don’t know how many times I’ve said I feel invisible. To further torture her children she says she’s a stoic and incapable of emotions. My childhood is no CandyLand. She treated me like Cinderella.
I agree with everything but the end of this article. The child who molds their personality to fit the fantasy of the parent does not escape this but becomes a narcissist, most likely a vulnerable one. The parent, just as you said, has this fantasy of having a perfect child who takes their pain away but no child can fit that fantasy. When the moment comes that the child ‘dissapoints’ the parent, everything is lost for that child. Their identity is based on pleasing an unpleasable parent.
I’ve been following you now for several years and I’ve read your book the human magnet syndrome. This popped up in my feed tonight. What you are describing describes my mother. As a middle-aged woman nowadays I look back at my childhood and can see with clarity what was really going on. When I was very very small, I felt like I was a living doll who was paid attention to by my mother to comfort her, and then it felt like I was put back in the toybox or up on the shelf. I remember clearly one day when I was around four years old and not yet in kindergarten… I asked my mother why she didn’t talk to me. It was as if my mother was going through the motions. In recent years I have taken our 35 mm film and had it digitized and I was shocked and some of the photographs I got back. There’s my mother, expressionless and with a Face devoid of emotions. It’s like she’s not even there, she is checked out. I grew up in a fairly chaotic family with a drinking father who was prone to violent outbursts. My mom stuck me between him and her as the gate keeper of emotions. As a matter of fact, I felt like I was her emotional container because she couldn’t contain her own big emotions. She never taught me how to do that as a youngster, that’s for sure. I had to learn on my own later with therapy how to sit with the intense emotions we all face but to handle them appropriately as an adult. You talk a lot about narcissist thinking that they are the good parent. I can attest to that. If ever I try to explain to my mother how her actions have hurt me she gets angry, starts to project, and then blames me for her feeling bad.
My Narcissist mother explained to my sister and I that she had kids because an across the street neighbor called her selfish for being married for 4 years without any children to show for it. My mother is terrified of criticism from others and believed if word got around that she and my dad didn’t have any then my dad would be fired from his job and the local grocery store when ban my parents from buying food from them. Boomers seemed to have had kids because to not do so would mark them as weirdo freaks by their neighbors, and Narcissist Boomers especially seemed to fear having that public image of themselves.
21:31 is what she admitted. She adopted me because she expected and NEEDED me to HELP HER, HEAL HER, IMPROVE HER LIFE, and NOT EVER LET HER FEEL LONELY OR HELPLESS or let her down like other people do. SHE WANTED and needed A HELPER AND LOVER and adorer and worshipper of herself. She saw me as her third arm. In her eyes, she owns me. So, it’s no wonder she sooo completely lost it and disappointed and destroyed when other people in their right mind told her that I am not her 3rd arm. She was soooo intoxicated in her being soooo right and entitled to this parental RIGHT that she announced it regularly and loudly. She demanded that I revolved my life around hers and making HER pleasured. She was like THE MEANEST AND WORST BOSS, never compensated you for the self destruction and self destructive work. She was 1000% borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder, and she demanded everyone around her, in her company, to cater to her 1000 needs 1000% of the time. Imagine living that way for 50 years. What is just as DISGUSTING as what the narcissist mother saw me as is that OTHER PEOPLE (her sisters and friends) told her and told me that it was MY RESPONSIBILITY to remain loyal to my narcissist manipulative mother because she labored for me, because no one else could help her or love her but me, and that she’d be alone if I didn’t stay loyal to the abuse to me from the beginning. Smh. Those disgusting pieces of shits should cry and die in their burning hell.
My narcissistic mother told me she regrets having me. Now my second child’s father abandoned he’s son even before he’s born because he’s selfish and jealous and thinks I owe him for being pregnant. This two people are out of my life and blocked for life. Am currently going through talking therapy to heal myself more. Living my life to the fullest and am blessed to have 2 precious kids and I love them more than anything in this world.
This has always been the question for me, coming from a home with five other siblings, and a narcissistic mother from Hell. She never showed us love or affection, except for our sister, the golden child. The rest of us seemed to be nuisances, keeping her from whatever grand plans she may have had in early life, and preventing her happiness. She drove our sweet father to an early grave, at the age of 57, where he succumbed to alcoholism. I rarely remember our father’s sober days, but I will always remember that he showed us love. To this day, I feel that the love he showed us actually angered our mother. Going no-contact with her and my five siblings, approximately 7 years ago, has been my saving grace.
This is unimaginable how they use kids. My husband traumatized 2 year old to control me from leaving the home. I finally escaped the home and in the process he died from a heart attack due to stress. He was obsessed with our son but yet traumatized him emotionally and spun him into hysteria screaming for mommy to come home. 😞 Very sad he’s dead but glad it’s over. Let the healing ❤️🩹 begin.
It’s always life affirming to see other surviving adult children of this hidden extreme of society. Knowing we were not alone and neither were you . I just want to extend love and compassion to each adult child trapped by the past and stuck currently in their cycle. I understand it all to well.. it carved out much of my life to try to overcome and forgive . Forgiveness is the key to break off all the strongholds and oppression that tried to kill steal and destroy our souls.. We intend to forgive and that is the highest card you have been given to move mountains and set yourself free. Love to all who walked this way . ♡
I think Sam Vaknin would never say a pathological narcissist has empathy, can feel remorse and love. That kind of statements creates lots of confusion among victims. What should I think then? Has my narcissistic mother been abusing me for decades but at the same time she loved me and she had empathy? A pathological narcissist is someone who cannot see you. You don’t even exist for them as a person. If you suffer they suffer more; if you have a serious problem they have hundreds of problems; if you have a serious disease they’re about to dye. They’re not honestly interested in your life unless they can get something from it. Is that empathy? Is that love?
I see this clearly, you put it in in true words! My ex was cool to have kids, however, never contributed BEING a parent. He’s a fragile old man now, gloats in their success, which is HIS doing! His memories make me sick, sometimes, because in public he was the best parent, and ” remembers” things that never happened!
Thank you for shedding light in my life. I am a survivor daughter of a Malignant Narcissist . He was misogynistic, hated women who only served 2 purpose for his Narcissist supply. Sexual and domestic service to him. Growing up was painful and always dream of having a normal family and a daughter, little did I know I wanted a daugher to be able to heal myself from such invalidation, invisibility, disrespect, disregard I grow up with no value for myself. When I was 22 I didn’t know what NPD was I just knew if I stayed around this human being I was gonna kill myself. So I went zero contact since then. I got married to a wonderful man and have a daughter.. she was the life of my life and I tried to be the best mom I could and thanks God I am not a Narci I was able to raised her healthy I taught her to be a decision maker and respect others and be kind and loving I didn’t realized I was raising myself again …watching your article makes perfect sense to me, raising her brought some healing for my soul But she is her own person .. she is a wonderful intelligent,independent Woman she is 23 pursuing her own goals and purpose of life. Her accomplishment are hers and I am very proud of the person she has become. I didn’t have that opportunity being raised with a NPD father. My father passed away and only one time he said : “I am sorry if I hurt you. I didn’t mean it”. Still confused by those words they Ecco constantly So he knew what he was doing? I grew up with family excusing him saying he was mentally ill, bipolar, depression what have you.
NPD parental alienation is worse than the abuse you endured as the spouse to witness it on your children there without you. I pray for all the children daily living in a Stockholm Syndrome with this pathology. These kids whom kill off the normal range parent and believe the abusive parent is now protecting them are now splitting too. The pathogen transfers into the child through alienation sadly. We really need public awareness of this destructive phenomenon leaving our children with life long psychological damage. It’s heartbreaking 💔 I apply radical acceptance daily to live with this. 🙏
A narcissist wants to have a child because he/she wants the child to give him/her the respect he/she never received as a child. So here we are back with Alice Miller and what she wrote in The Drama of the Child. Of course, Miller was unable to practise what she preached. She treated her own children very badly indeed. Ironically, once she died her son felt free to write a book in which he says he would have died (of depression?) had he not read her book. He felt that his mom was terrible, but her theories pretty sound. By the way, narcs may also want to have grandchildren for much the same reasons!
My alcoholic narcissistic neglectful dad basically wanted kids as insurance so he’d have people to take care of him in his old age. By my twenties he’d only contact me every few months and it felt very “let’s get this out of the way”/ obligation. Jokes on him in the end since my sister and myself have nothing to do with him now
It’s scary how right you are. My narc sister always said she couldn’t remember anything about our childhood. It’s unreal the damage she has caused to me by the backstabbing lies she has told to my ex’s about me. And my son. It’s been going on for as long as I can remember. She has done it all. Right down to copying everything about me, my clothes and my hair style. I get the gut feeling she would like to erase me and become me. I know it sounds crazy. Yes, I’ve seen false posts she made about a warm fuzzy memory of Christmas with Dad. He was physically and mentally abusive to all us kids. I rarely have contact with her she immediately starts baiting me.
From my experience I think it is to not be seen as weird to the eyes of others. They “don’t want to be less”. It is like another fake screen to others. As what it is said about the extension of themselves. My mother also told me I should have kids, otherwise no one is going to take care of me when I’m old. Then I understood that was the use of kids for her.
OMG! I thought of myself a recovered codependent, yet now I am wondering if I am a recovered narcissist! I can see all these points apply to my experience. In the end my older daughter now is transition into a man, just like her father. She is totally arranged from me, I can say ” I made my bed now I lied on it” So sorry for all the unconscious patterns I had I wish had healed myself before having children, yet I did not know any better. I broke the trauma chain on my self, yet my children continue it….
If I’m to take your well described personality pathology, I must only again come to the defined conclusion, I was definitely married to a sociopath. I lost my whole life to him. I have lost my adult children to him also. He is the kind lamb. He is the hero. I am crazy. I am the problem. There’s no consolation in knowing the truth. None. I pray your information really helps people from these evil deceivers and to recover. XX
My narc mother is a piece of work. She took revenge on my brother for trying to expose her and had him committed as a schizophrenic. I have a sister who suffered and became a drug addict. She tried to make me her slave as a teen after 2yrs I left home and had my own life.another brother is violent with women. My other brother became the slave I refused to become. My other sister that mum had up on a pedestal and could do no wrong had her own narssist personality though has worked hard to change that and is actually a great woman. Dysfunctional family full of dramas. Mum is suffering right now because of her kids and most of us have cut her off.
Ross, This article is eye-opener and paradigm-shifting to me about my brother #3. I DO NOT see him as a narcissist. He was the family scapegoat, deeply shamed, has brain damage with scars on scans to this day from when our emotionally, physically, covert sexually abusive pater hit him in the head with a 2′ shop broom when he was around 15. He gave up his beloved art drawing after that because his arm and hand wouldn’t function properly, unbeknownst to me and ??? He exhibits feelings of deep shame and trying to prove how good a person he is (for example, he is a lay minister in the Southern Baptist Conference). I have struggled to build a healthy connection with him, especially in the last 4 years. He talks about his life and experiences…I am thinking now compulsively and I prActice bringing him back to the things I am trying to express. This article is like the scales falling from my eyes! Love and light on your work 💥 🙏
My parents literally tortured me every day, my mom assaulted me whenever she was near me. She would do it in front of people and I would beg for her to stop, push her hands away, scream in pain, and she would tell me I was embarrassing her. My dad always said that we were horrible people who were trying to kill him, and he never stopped rambling on about his conspiracy theories about us. Both my parents lied to teachers, the teachers abused me, put me in abusive “special” classes and a mental hospital where they forced me to take Navane Once I started having serious disabilities and agonizingly painful medical problems, my parents would rather let me suffer and die than let me tell a doctor these things. I had serious unbearable untreated chronic pain for over 20 years and no one knew except doctors who I didn’t listen to. I was ashamed of it and hid it amazingly well. Many other narcissistic people and doctors and therapists preyed on me and almost killed me a number of times. I am 42 and still doing all kinds of therapy including physical . The chronic pain is gone because hypnotherapy is just that effective, I learned about it in psychology 101, there was a whole section about it in my textbook
I was raised by two narcissits and became like them to a large extend. I raised two boys (now 40 and 23 years old) At age of 11 I can remember to have promised to myself to become different to my parents but I failed. I struggled my whole life to get rid of all the dark sides in me like Michael Jackson tried to get rid of his dark skin, but I could not prevent to put all the harm to my sons in a way the harm was put to me, at least to a high percentage. I did not know why, until 10 years ago my second therapist helped me, wakened me up and teached me about traumas and narcissism. Far too late. Now I am 64 years old and I look back to all the harm I brought to other people and especially to my children, and, believe me, it is not an easy thing to endure that. Hopefully there are not too many errors in these sentences, written by a guy from germany 😉 Thank you very much for this article. It again gives me new ideas and a new perspective of what has happenend.
Thank you for this article! I can’t remember the source but I read somewhere that having children is the ultimate act of narcissism. Narcissists need people. They need validation,they need worship and praise, a mini version of themselves is the ultimate in narcissistic supply. And the God complex that you mentioned is spot on. However, after growing up in a Narcisstic home, what happens when that child grows up is a breeding ground for narcissistic injury for the parent. And then comes the vindictive envy if the child has even so much as little bit of success in life. At this stage, what brings pride to a normal parent, brings extreme and sometimes dangerous jealousy, animosity, and hatred from the narcissistic parent.
Really good information here, Dr. Ross, thank you. Is the assumption of the article that narcissists have children because they planned to or wanted to, though? What about the unwanted, unplanned children that just came about as a result of the narcissistic lifestyle of another? Narcissists do have children simply because they had unprotected sex. The child is someThing that “happened” TO the narcissistic parent(s) and not treated as a human being. Being narcissistic, the parent(s) then make USE of the child in as many ways as possible for their own benefit without any consideration of the child’s needs or rights. Knowing nothing else and being trapped in an unloving, hostile environment from birth, the child learns to feel ashamed of their very existence.
This is my parents in a nutshell. I often wonder how and why they would bring new lives into the world, only to treat them negatively. I refuse to have anything to do with them, especially after suffering a stroke over a month ago. Both parents made my medical situation about themselves, even refusing to acknowledge what they’re doing. I could literally hear my father say, “I don’t care if he lives or dies!” through the cell phone as my wife notified him of my situation. Then he went on this strange tirade about “loving himself”. Spoken like a true narcissist to me. My father also “fathered” someone out-of-wedlock, got sued by the mother (someone he met at a bar), went through a paternity case, lost his business, and required ME to help him out. The worst part of this was that my mother advocated for my father and essentially echoed what he said and he did (that he got busted and I “just HAD” to help him”). I was just a means to an end to him, even now.
My mom is a flaming overt narc, but she was so disconnected from anything I was doing she didn’t have anything I did be about her. Does that make any sense? I was skipped a grade, out of high school at 16, moved out of my house at 16 to another part of the state, and basically began an independent life at a young age, and she was off doing her own thing. Growing up I could barely get her to pay attention to anything I was doing. I was on my high school gymnastic team and I don’t think she was barely aware of it.
That thumbnail was an exact depiction of my childhood but more specifically, my mother. I’m the youngest of 3 so it was never supposed to be all about me and I was definitely not the favorite; good thing I had siblings and a tv to help raise me. She always put herself first, even in emergencies and spent 1.5-2hrs getting ready daily focused on her looks and outward appearance every day of her existence since I’ve known her, even to this day. Same routine, same hairstyle. There’s a whole lot more, but that’s enough for now.
Isn’t it also an aspect of the narcissist parent’s 1-dimensionality to expect (consciously or not) the child to parent them, to be at their beckon call, to be a satellite revolving around them….. I think you are speaking to this in #7.. a article of yours way back about parentified daughters/children was extremely validating for me 🙌🙏❤️
I’m a borderline I didn’t know this until I was in my forties. My children are now teens. I suffer greatly with seperation from them but work extremely hard on working through it because I love them. I go through hell when they are away from home but I never stop them going no matter how much it hurts. I do feel love.
Most things my parents & grandma were great. I never had kids because I was told & knew how good I had it & how much I was loved. I am grateful & thankful. Still along the way I had subtle messaging – Parent told me, “Everyone should have children so they are so selfish.” CPSTD, Depression, ADHD and anxiety I knew I didn’t have the energy, boundaries and resilience to have them. Like above, because I only found out about boundaries & codependency in my 40s, I am still trying to grow up.
My narc colleague said that she always wanted to have “many little people running around her all the time”. It seemed to me creepy back then, now I perfectly understand the pattern. She had 4 kids and the doors of her house were always open and the house was full of neighbours, other kids, cleaners and so on.
What you said at the end about a child having to mould themselves into the fantasy, my brother did that and he got more than anyone else, and still ended up a pathological narc, doesn’t know how to separate truth from fantasy, and currently thinks he can outwit the law by doing nothing and feigning ignorance, just like my mother. After she died I spent thousands rectifying their mistakes in accordance to the justice system, and I never had much to begin with. Thankfully that has come to an end and I can move on, hands clean.
This is my step-children’s mother. It all makes sense . They are now adults and with what I have seen, I knew something did not make sense . I’ve done 15 years of gutting myself, rebuilding. Therapy and talking out all scenarios with my husband about my journey which made me connect dots to my own mother. I was too focused of healing and understanding me that I didn’t realize it was occurring to my husband children. I am well enough to watch and support him, but not let it consume me as I would on stuff before. Explaining to my husband what I now can see and connect with the knowledge I’ve consumed myself with, I can help support him on navigating this. There are so many women who have children for the wrong reasons, but are so broken they aren’t aware. I chose not to have children. I refused to bring an innocent child into the dysfunction of what generational trauma has been placed on to me. My immediate family is text book family illness. Scapegoat that went searching on what was wrong with me to ruin my immediate household . The 4 children are textbook roles and so accurate of each behavior that makes each role. The validation and information that I consumed in 15 years is where I found peace. My mother has BP1 diagnosed, Boarderline and is a life long raging alcoholic that had PTSD alcoholic blackout episodes. 38 years old and now out of survival mode, realized I have never had hobbies or did life activities out of enjoyment of the activity.
Not remembering or want to talk about the Childhood…. This explains why I have not even seen the photo album of my wife after 10 years of marriage… I have watched many articles about this topic, but so far I believe you are the only one that gets a bit more in to the details of the backgrounds of the WHY. Thank you for this! I hope I can protect my children from the worst effects of this or at least open their eyes to see what is happening …
You hit the nail right on point. The trauma, both my parent’s, mine, and my sibling are more clear now. Perceived abandonment resulting from her parents’ broken relationship, to add abandonment of my father. I look like both my grandmother and my father. My grandfather took both my mother & her sister and severed contact with their mother. Additionally, my father never tried to be in our life after mom gave birth to me, an accomplishment she sought to win his love. So that makes me selfish as he was in her eyes. She ‘thought’ her mom abandoned her, but interestingly as time went on, her mother made no real effort to find her and her sister, and started another life, separate from them. My curse is, I physically look like both her mother and my father that abandoned my mother.
desde Argentina luchando legalmente por la tenencia de mi hijo que vive atormentado y amenazado hasta agredido fisicamente por su madre narc….gracias Ross por compartir la enseñananza que te dio todo tu dolor vivido con mujeres narcisistas..y tu muchisima experiencia como buen profesional comprometido que sos….gracias por no guardarte esta informacion tan valiosa que ayuda a que los hombres sensibles y empaticos no nos sintamos solos en esto….que Dios te devuelva todo la ayuda que nos estas dando.
It can be very confusing for many, because the shame and guilt put onto young children, and beyond, along with the conditional “love” being doled out to them, this can cause the child to feel self-loathing, unworthyness, damaged goods, disconnected to normalcy, without the understanding of being genuinely loved, appreciated, protected and allowed to be who they are without attacks, exploitation or ridicule. And i say confusing for many, inc those who are in the help profession, who just see the person, want to diagnose them, without looking at the reasons how it happened. Some children observe, but end up taking on some behaviours of said narc or narcs, just to try to fit in and end the judgements, only to find the judgements increase, as if the narcs now attack what they are through that child, because they loathe themselves. And, as if the narcs are thinking, “Hey, i do that, not you! You are not the almighty me!!” The child adopts these behaviours, but is not comfortable or able to carry it off, receiving bad responses from other people, which narcs do not encounter, often. It’s disingenuous. False. Weak. This is so hard for so many to separate. I suppose the only thing going for the child is the seeking of support for healing, accepting responsibility and grasping again onto being considerate toward others who are damaged, but able to aquire the ability to set firm boundaries, and learn to accept self and healthily care about self. Narcs rarely seek help for their behaviour, wanting everyone else blamed.
My narc mother at 17 threw me out after I came to her concerened she had started drinking a lot. She had never drank then one summer all the sudden it was vodka everyday. My dad was an alcoholic so I said I didnt want her to end up like my dad. She ended up beating me and throwing me out, then called me 15 min later to come home and clean my room. She had just thrown my laundry basket at me while I was trying to grab clothes. I know she is the way she is because of a lot of trauma she had growing up, HUGE difference is my sister and I have spent YEARS trying to make sure we are dealing with our issues and make sure we aren’t horrible humans. Something she wpuld NEVER do. She has and will never be wrong or admit to anything. She doesnt even know the meaning of an apology. Toxic and vile. Borderline personality and a text book narc. #iamasurvivor
I have suspected that my mother is a narcissist for a while. She literally told me (before I went NC) that she “wanted a baby because I wanted somebody who was gonna love me”. She also told me that she chose to have a baby with a man who was tall with long legs, in order to balance out her short stature and chunky legs. And she wonders why I have severe body dysmorphic disorder 🙄
My mother is narcissistic, and my father is her chief enabler. My parents made it clear, from a very early age, that it was my job to make them look good. They both come from large families and have always been competing against their siblings, in all things. They would constantly compare me to my cousins. I had to have the best grades, speak eloquently, dress modestly, go to a good school, be artistically talented, and never put a toe out of line. I did what they expected, as best I could. The response I got was an ever-tightening net of control. Nothing I did was ever good enough. My friends weren’t good enough. When i started having physical and mental breakdowns in highschool, they acted like I needed to get over whatever “happened” to me.
Not that your articles need any validation from me but I can validate what you’re saying. At one point in my life, I was exactly that person. I’m thrown back at what learn about narcissists because I can’t I use to be that way. It was only when I give my life to Christ that I was able to break free from that. I was able to face myself and endure the pain from my childhood. I can actually stand here and say that I am not the person I used to be because of Jesus Christ. I hope and pray for those who are narcissist and read this. There is hope for those who don’t want to be narcissistic anymore and the is in Jesus Christ. Be honest with yourself, because the truth will set you free
just ended my relationship with a nar. We have an 8 year old and this man child has not helped me withthis child even though we lived together. I am the constant parent. I do everything. My narc got angry because our son took all my time. My narc also said that he didn’t feel appreciated. Everything I do is for my son.
You nailed it like no others nailed it. BPD Ex daughter in law caused so many stupid problems she lost any custody she wanted. 2yo -11yo kids she left where her kids lived. Within a year she had baby girl by boyfriend who never wanted kids and now at 3 yrs divorced turning 40 she’s having twin boys. Seven kids!!!
my father begrudgingly offered community college to me after I missed days of school a week for my entire school career(never even sat me down and tried to instill some discipline or direction, he just pacified me with article games and television). Then he did everything he could to get me to drop out while holding it all over my head like he was giving me too much. It’s weird to me to see a father that actually cared about or was proud of his son or encouraged him in his schoolwork. I wish my father had done that. Teachers went up to me and would tell me I should go to college and I just dismissed them, thinking everything would magically just be alright.
I believe that the main reason why they want children is having a slave who would serve them and care for them when they are old. My mother always said than having a sole child is “too dangerous” because if their only child dies, they are on their own, with no one to be obliged to take the abuse and to care for them when they get old.
Thank you for doing this article. I am 63 and have 2 Narcissistic Parents. I always knew something was wrong with my parents. They were different from any of my friend’s Families growing up. I left when I was 18. My question is… Is it possible to have self love deficit and be a Narcissist as well? Or is it one and the same?
There is no love and affection only lust and attention which they interpret as love and affection. I realized my father was a narc when he couldn’t tolerate making mistakes and went into rage/frustration mode. My Mother was a family groomed empathic co dependent, I became the scapegoat. Thankfully my mother was strong enough to remove my father’s influence for the most part however he owned the property my mother and I made home, so the entanglement was there. Overtime I learned /adapted observational ang grey rocking methodology out of survival. I went empathic supernova after 40 years and a decade of peaked of narc abuse and blew up the bridge kicked him and his junk out of my home. Hoover free 2 years. He still owns the house but he doesn’t own me or my home.
Mr. Rosenberg, I’m a new subbie from Surviving Narcissim. How great that you had Dr.C on one of your shows! I’m not sure I’m going to be able to watch this website, because you’re hitting me where I live. It’s still enough to churn my stomach. I wish young people would seriously discuss the ramifications of reproducing offspring before their raging hormones get the better of them.. Birth control is CHEAP! The damage bad parents do is permanent.
Reasons why I cut my mothers whole side of the family off. Dysfunction is the name of the game. None of them accept responsibility and are quick to point fingers and blame. Cant work with a brick wall. Not worth it in my adult life. Not my circus not my monkeys! I married and was entirely cast out. Who needs family like that?
The guardian ad litem witnessed the anger and retaliation with my ex during a meeting we all had. The thing is, my ex got extremely angry when she told him he had bully tendencies toward me. For her criticism of me: She told me I play the victim, which was really weird to hear her say something like that but I shrugged it off, and when she told me the negative things my in-laws said about me I again just neutrally responded with “that’s their opinion.” I was calm, it didn’t bother me much at the time because I figured she was assuming I was playing victim and my ex’s abuse was seen as the run of the mill divorce attitude or something like that. At the time I didn’t know what narc abuse was so I couldn’t really defend myself anyway. Yet, this guardian ad litem ignorantly gave more custody time to my abusive ex. Just proof these court appointed “professionals” aren’t professional at all.
I can’t relate to adult children of a perfectionist narcissistic parent. The type that want to look perfect and wanting their kids to look perfect as well. That’s so foreign to me…. my birthing person is a covert narcissist and loves playing the victim. Everything has always been woe is me. She purposely sabotaged everything good in our lives. Especially me because I was the escape goat. You can say munchausen by proxy. She had gratification by our failures….I think it depends on the narcissist accomplishments what type of a parent they’re going to become. My birthing person was deprived from getting a proper education. She was born in a small rural village in East Africa. We came here as migrants for a “better opportunity” but that never happened. None of us went to college after high-school. I barely graduated high-school because of the chaos at home. No one had time for improvement when you’re in survival mode. I think originally she would’ve been very well accomplished if given the opportunity because she is very street smart and because she knows she was deprived of that, there was no way she was going to allow us to surpass her. She was so unbearably obnoxious that by 18, I married out of necessity. Just to leave home. The cycle continued…it sucks being some sort of statics. Idk which I fall under. Probably several. I’m more hard on myself genuinely because migrants have a bad rep and I wanted to take advantage of coming to America and making something of myself…
he went twice and said he didn’t need it. we tried, years of abuse. he was a only child of a acholic dad and grammie. we all felt so sorry for him…..but he milked it. hes gone now. i sit by his grave and i cry.he told me had seven kids for two reasons his childhood was lonely and besides seven kids paying rent to him wasnt bad…he became his abusive parent and yes he was complex a bit of all three narratives.to be clear it messed with my head. im torn on how to feel now thats hes dead. just trying to create the perfect senario i think thats how dad was.
thx doc! for verifying what I have seen. in the process of trying to figure out my narc family dynamics, I settled on the idea that they had us for about 3 reasons: 1. to have someone who HAS to listen to, obey, respect, and admire them. built in source of authority & power and god-like identify (kids worship their parents). 2. to get social cred… fulfill a social expectation that will give them more standing/respect. 3. to get social cred & bragging rights when we achieve things…even as they sh*t on us/clip our wings, behind closed doors. as an afterthought, if the bird can’t fly far, the parent(s) will always have their kids near to keep them company in their miserable hole of an existence.
We also must not confuse careers and ambition with someone being a narssisist as people then label successful people as narcs ! A lot of people are highly successful and also raise their children with love ( I’m only saying this because people seem to being accusing anyone and everyone of narssisist behaviour these days . Of course there are ‘ real ‘ narssissists out there who crave constant attention and are extremely toxic.
My parents didn’t want me……… my NPD mother tried to abort me! She had 2 mantras: One for me (“I hate you, I wish you were never born, you’re a nothing and a nobody and you will never amount to anything”; one for my dad (“I told your father, no marriage, no kids, no Australia…… and I copped the lot!”). She didn’t want a child, but boy did she try her best to use me in any way possible. Seems like she doesn’t fit his definition. She had no empathy and didn’t want to play with me…. was only nice to me when she wanted something; my father brought me up. My mother always said that she didn’t do anything wrong……..apparently it is fine to smash bottles on your child’s head and throw hot coffee in their face. Lucky I didn’t turn out like her. Instead, I have had a life of physical and emotional suffering; despite years of therapy.
They live through you and our acomplishments. I had to stop working due to medical reasons and she wanted me to lie to relatives and say I’m working. WTF. i didn’t lie and she went NC for 25 years. Thankfully i had a wonderful mother in law that drove me to the docoter and actually cared about me as a person. After my dad died she suddenly calls me and acts like nothing happened. She might NEED me for something as she gets older. Total loser!
I’ve only just discovered your website and alot makes sense. One thing I’m confused about, I have quiet borderline personality disorder and I don’t think I’m narcissistic. I’ve been a victim of a narcissistic mother and 2 narcissistic ex husbands as well as side bitch of using narcissistic friends. I am empathetic and narcissists see me a mile away. I’m definitely SLD. I’ve believed that often borderline personality disorder is a reaction to trauma, which definitely is my case as I’ve always been bullied as a child and a young adult as well as dealing with a punitive narcissistic mother. I just don’t see myself as narcissistic, and no more selfish than the average person.
My narcissistic mother had my brother and me so she could show us to others as trophies for her great parenting. She thought she molded us into perfect citizens – she never realized that we succeeded in life in spite of her. She openly told me that I was a failure since I didn’t become the nurse SHE WANTED to be. I went to nurses’ training for 2 semesters before I realized that that was not what I wanted. It wasn’t until I received my Doctorate in education that she could brag she had 2 doctors (my brother was a M.D.). Then I was OK. I did that without any emotional support from her – I was in my late 30s when she finally let go her fantasy. Yep, I wasn’t the “blonde hair, blue eyed daughter” that she TOLD me she wanted – hard when both parents had very dark hair, mom had hazel eyes, and Dad had blue eyes. Luckily, I had a stronger but quiet personality then she realized.
Corrupted Intuition.. I didn’t know that having embarrassing stories told as entertainment at parties was something I didn’t have to put up with until my 40s. A coach listened to my story & asked if I knew that was wrong or if I had no idea. I honestly thought it was a part of life and didn’t know how wrong it was. She explained I am probably very detached to my body and inituion. She was right. My doubt and inituion is so bad, it is almost a false self, I don’t know which feeling or decision to make, because I was always wrong – it is hard habit to break to not assume it is my fault or I am wrong.
My narc wife started demanding a divorce not long after I refused to agree to have an 8th baby. It opened my eyes to realize that she loves babies because they make her needed, important, and she gets lots of social attention. As the first children grow and leave, she craves more supply to replace them instead of making herself useful to the world and society in general. Everything, including children, is all about herself. So sad.
My narcissistic mom had kids to have people who HAD to accept her the horrible way she was, without choice. Sadly, all she saw me as was equal to a body part (and she doesn’t like her body). Like her stubborn belly and ass fat, I rebelled and denied her her wishes, and she grew to treat me like she detested me for it.
OK, the article was helpful, having grown up as a “golden child,” then demoted because I chose to escape the family system. Well, physically, at least. I also became a therapist, however, through all my therapy and education during the 80’s and 90’s, no one ever correctly identified my mother as a narcissist. An alcoholic, yes, narcissist, no. The only way I ever found out about this as applicable to myself and the extent of what that meant, was when I had virtually everything in my life extinguished by a very pathological, murderous narcissist. This led me to accepting Jesus Christ into my life. He is the good father. He is the one who guided me into all truth. I am done with secular humanism. It is demonic and does not tell the WHOLE truth. This is why I get very upset with your air quotes when you use the word “heaven.” And in reference to God (you conveniently call it “religion” as is politically correct these days.) But there is no “religion” in becoming one with the one true God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. They will lead us into all truth and righteousness. Thank God he showed me the truth and I did not have to die in ignorance about the enslavement, such as my father did. I pray you overcome your atheism and learn who really is in charge before it’s too late.
I think it is due to societal or cultural factors. Not having children in some culture means you are not applying the word of “GOD” which says we should be multiplied and replenish the earth (the earth is already more than replenish) and in some culture not having children means facing judgements and critisism from your peers. So I think most people not only narcissist tries to have children not because they want to but because they think it is something that has to be done.
You described my mother to a “T.” She’s a pathological narcissist sociopath. But, she did have good parents, who loved and doted on her. She got married at 20, had me at 21. What I was told all of my childhood was, “You ruined my youth!” She screamed it at me. She and my father (who has childhood trauma), belittled me, physically, mentally, and emotionally abused me. She never wanted children, and made that clear to a small child. After college, I married, and at 24, became pregnant with my first child. She wanted a married, settled daughter to abort her unborn child, and suibsequently wanted me to do the same with my second child. I believe she was born with the traits you described. It made for a hellish childhood, and I finally had to cut ties after 48 years of both my parent’s abuse. If not, I know for sure I eventually would have committed suicide. Why do they have a child? To use as a punching bag and a scapegoat. It’s a shame people, like what you described, can’t be barren. Great, informative, article validating I’m not the crazy one my parents want me to believe.
Is it possible to be a benign narc? I’ve been a fun, slightly talented, arrogant rock musician/party guy since I was young. Years ago, after a life trauma, I had an ego death of sorts and I now really think I’ve been a grandiose N throughout my life. Except with that my highest order has always been to honour the freewill of others, never manipulate, and I will often sacrifice what I want so others can have theirs. Plus, I love being alone and can’t seem to get enough of it. However, in my internal dialogue in recent years I’ve become very judgemental towards my fellow humans. Although I don’t willingly share it and can’t stand the idea of hurting someones feelings, I’m pretty dark towards my fellow man. Did I mention I have a high idea of myself? lol.. I’m confused.
I always wondered if my sister in law is a narcissist. Her children are not allowed to learn to read or write because she thinks they will learn it on their own. They went to a free school and she would encourage them to play and never attend any classes. They where scared if they where away from her because she kept them dependant. When her first born was 18 months old he ended up in the hospital with dehydration an malnutrition because she refused to feed him anything but breast milk even though she hardly had any breast milk. She suddenly left my brother two years ago and we haven’t seen or heard anything from her. We then found out that she had been telling people from the kids school and the people she knew how horrible our family treated her and she told a lot of bad things about my brother. He never saw it coming and was devastated. He wasn’t talking to his family and friends, left two well paid jobs for her and was trying to build her dream business without any help from her. He got sick from working so hard and my mom had to take care of him because she didn’t. It opened his eyes a little but he still thinks that other people talked her in to leaving him. I pray every night for the safety of my nephew’s and niece and hope that they are safe, because she never took good care of them.
I’m absolutely convinced that my parents only had kids so they had legal slaves that couldn’t say no. They made me do heavy physical labor starting at 6 years old. (moving things that were 50-75 lbs multiple times a day) And they made me absolutely terrified of asking for help by literally telling me at 8 years old that if I told the Dr’s or anyone from the state what they did that I would be “taken away and graped just like my cousins in foster care” those were my mom’s exact words… To an 8 year old, in the hallway of a Dr’s office… Which they had to take me to because I was in constant pain from the physical labor… I’m now pretty much crippled from it and stuck on disability. They also refused to let me go to public school and “home schooled” me. And by that I mean my mom tossed me an old school book and told me to sit there and read it then later she’s “test” me by going to random pages and asking me questions about it. Cause that’s totally how learning works.🙄
My narc sister told me she wanted kids “because I want something that is mine”…..scary, considering how she’s treated everyone who she thought was weak. Now she’s working as a geriatric caretaker (!) And studying to become a nurse! I fear for her patients. It’s all just to maintain an image of ‘being caring’. Which is the perfect cover.
Both my parents are diagnosed narcissists, I found out from the family therapist at age 12 and have spent my life distanced by choice, more snd more as life goes on. Mom is high level, dad is covert, not nearly as evil as my sadistic mom, but still very hostile and toxic in a less obvious way. They seek therapy at times in life, only be told they’re narcissists then quit because they can’t take the truth. Mom is more open to therapy than dad but she’s slso more histrionic and hyper. Dad is haughty and reserved. He stores his anger then blows up in rage. She rages at any moment, anytime..tantrums..over no reason whatsoever. Mom told me she never wanted to have me (the only child), that she had been in college training to be a teacher and it was inconvenient. She said dad had wanted me and that “it was the thing to do” (have kids) back then. She was professionally motivated and I was “inconvenient”. She was hyper competitive, jealous and didn’t like the attention I got. I was sent away every summer as she bragged they wouldn’t be parents while I was in camp. Dad got me a horse and I stayed out of the house, at the barn to hide from mom’s targeting her wrath at me. I was independent and have been all my life. She didn’t care to visit me as I became an adult, didn’t care. Her priorities were dad, her career and her friends. Never me. I’m 60 now, have a good life and stay away from my parents for my safety. Dad had a good side to him but as he aged, he became more unfriendly and withdrawn.
I really appreciate your website and insights but am really unsettled by your suggestion that there is no hope for the narcissist to heal Sometimes this is the feeling I have about being co dependent but yours and others new information coming to light is changing everything I am deeply hurt and infuriated by how my abuse has dictated my life and how it has overflowed towards my children and I know as a co dependent I’m probably not the one to help the narcissists in my life BUT surely we as a people must endeavour to understand and hope and pray that we may find answers that can help them Whilst ever we exclude and write off these perpetrators who were more abused than ourselves, having entirely disassociated without any proper form of identification, we sever the cord of understanding and limit our own healing As a society we must eventually include validate and have compassion for all otherwise the rejection and abandonment survives as an acceptable way of dealing with traumatised people that don’t fit because WE haven’t yet found a way to help them Please don’t stop saying that a narcissist is a fearfully tyrannical monster because that must be seen but maybe you could give out a Narcissist helpline or direct them toward self help research to begin hopefully a journey of inclusion in honesty Thanks again Your work and website are like mana from heaven 🙏🏻
@RossRosenberg i understand you say they can love because they feel it in the love bombing stage. But if its temporary then its not love. I am surrounded by three narcissists only one demonstrates what you describes he really tries but they all grew still not liking him. The other two totally disregarded their children as if they didn’t bring them into this world.
My Covert narcissist mother wanted children because 1) it would make her access to Dadies resources more secure – she could better suck to them 2) otherwise she would be afraid what others would think of her and at last – she knows that its the most secure to bind people to her because no one would wish to be with her for her energy (either people are forced or dependent of benefits she offers. and family members are FORCED to contact her.)
I’m late to the party, but I can relate too. I’m the child of a narc and codependent, more specifically the family scapegoat, and I avoid my parents to this day… As a previous educator and current parent, I don’t understand how narcissists could ever think they’d make great futuristic parents. Heck, I’m saddened that my husband’s narcissistic SIL finally wants kids in a 10-years failed marriage. I definitely agree that everything listed in this article are the reasons she finally wants a kid–attention, attention, attention–because that was my mother.
I’ve a covert narcissistic friend I recently cut off— after 17ys— bcuz I called her out & her reaction was true to form. She has a daughter with an even more narcissistic guy from a hookup— & I feel for their kid bcuz neither of her parents have put in ANY work to improve their lives. They’ve been in family court for 8yrs now & their lives, are MISERABLE. My friend has a rich dad that continues to spoil her & she hasn’t worked in 10years— she’s now 32. I’m not sure how long it’s gonna take her to learn but I wish her the best ❤
My dear Mom! As a kid i felt i had no real place in my own family, yet there I was.. Wondering why life seems impossible!!! I grew up with no real ambition but be far away from my own family! Physically, yes, I am far away from them, but my Dear Mom finds out ways to ensnare me. ( My Dad and my siblings are her enablers, and my brother clearly is taking on after my Mom…a worse version of my Mom) Most recently, my Mom’s health gave way and she sent alarm bells ringing for the world to come to her rescue! I had to attend to show my ‘attendance’ inspite of my own frail health with post Covid symptoms
Born in post-war Britain there were no reliable birth controls so every one and a half years my father was on leave my mother got pregnant. There were 3 of us and we all were to the existence of our parents. We had to be perfect in every way or the belt followed. We. Became visible extensions of who they pretended to be. They were hyper critical of us and I have spent years fighting this ingrained character defect in myself. Fortunately, we children stuck together and found acceptance and love in each other. In a sense we were our own parents. However we all married narcissists and I think that psychologically we were trying to ‘fix’ our parents. All our marriages fell apart of course. The dami age done by these narcissists is unbelievable and it’s a lifelong struggle to try and heal.