Childhood trauma has a significant impact on a child’s behavior, from immediate changes to long-term effects. A severe and often long-lasting group of mental disorders associated with childhood trauma are personality disorders (PDs). Longitudinal studies have shown that children affected by interpersonal trauma often experience more global and profound changes than adults who conceivably have more developed adaptations to the trauma. Developmental traumatology, the systemic investigation of the psychiatric and psychobiological effects of chronic overwhelming stress on the developing child, is the systemic investigation of the psychiatric and psychobiological effects of chronic overwhelming stress on the developing child. Trauma is thought to have significant implications for the development of children’s cognition, language, and self-identity.
Evidence suggests that childhood trauma is associated with physical, mental, and emotional symptoms that can persist into adulthood. This article examines the impact of trauma on children’s wellbeing and adult behavior from the perspective of 9 clinical professionals in Ireland. Traumatic events can affect how a child’s brain develops, which can have lifelong consequences for them physically, mentally, and socially. Children who have experienced complex trauma often have difficulty identifying, expressing, and managing emotions, and may have limited language for feeling states. They often internalize or externalize stress reactions, leading to significant depression, anxiety, or anger.
In unaffected FDRs, there were significant associations between childhood trauma and a few personality traits, including neuroticism, psychoticism, and lie. There is evidence that childhood trauma can cause PTSD, loss of personal identity, self-esteem, attachment, and higher levels of stress. Additionally, personality traits may increase the likelihood of trauma exposure, and the experience of trauma may affect personality development.
📹 How Childhood Trauma Shapes Your Personality
Have you ever wondered how your childhood trauma shape your personality as you grow up? Trauma can shape the way you …
Can childhood trauma change your personality type?
Trauma can cause significant personality shifts, but it doesn’t mean a permanent change. With proper support and intervention, individuals can recover and regain their pre-trauma traits or develop healthier ways of being. Therapeutic approaches like cognitive-behavioral therapy, dialectical behavior therapy, and eye movement desensitization and reprocessing can help individuals process their experiences, manage symptoms, and regain control and safety.
Trauma can also influence personality, but humans are inherently resilient. With the right support, individuals can navigate the complex aftermath of trauma and emerge stronger and more self-aware. Recovery and growth are possible, reinforcing the dynamic and adaptable nature of human personality.
How does trauma affect a child’s behavior?
Traumatic stress in young children is characterized by behavioral and physiological symptoms, such as fear, overwhelm, and helplessness. These children struggle to regulate their emotions and behaviors, often exhibiting clinginess, fear, and aggression. They may also struggle with sleep, lose developmental skills, and show regression in functioning. Symptoms include poor verbal skills, memory problems, excessive screaming or crying, poor appetite, low weight, digestive problems, difficulties in school, learning disabilities, poor skill development, social behavior, imitation of abusive events, verbal abuse, trust issues, self-confidence issues, and stomach aches or headaches.
Why is childhood trauma so damaging?
Childhood trauma significantly impacts an individual’s mental health, cognitive function, relationship formation, and self-worth. The rapid growth and development of our bodies, brains, and personalities during the first decade of life are imprinted by our early experiences. Common forms of childhood trauma include physical or sexual abuse, neglect, and witnessing violence in the home. Relational trauma disrupts the primary bond with parents or caregivers, while external events like extreme bullying or disasters like the pandemic can catalyze trauma. As children mature into adolescence, young adulthood, and beyond, the impact of childhood trauma can manifest psychologically and physiologically in five ways:
- Physical or sexual abuse;
- Neglect;
- Violence in the home;
- Relational trauma;
- Collective trauma from disasters like the pandemic.
How does childhood trauma change a person?
Trauma can have a lasting impact on children, leading to learning problems, increased use of health services, involvement in child welfare and juvenile justice systems, long-term health issues like diabetes and heart disease, and a risk factor for behavioral health and substance use disorders. However, there is hope that children can recover from traumatic events, and parents can play a crucial role in their child’s recovery.
What does unresolved childhood trauma look like in adults?
Childhood trauma can lead to social difficulties, health issues, low self-esteem, and lack of direction in adulthood. Unresolved childhood trauma can increase the risk of PTSD, suicide, and self-harm. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration estimates that over two-thirds of children experience childhood trauma by the age of 16. Seeking help for overcoming childhood trauma is crucial as unresolved issues can lead to negative behaviors and physical and mental health issues in adulthood.
Do people with childhood trauma mature faster?
Research by the American Psychological Association has found that children who experience early life adversity experience faster biological aging than those without a history of abuse. The study examined three signs of biological aging: early puberty, cellular aging, and changes in brain structure. Trauma exposure was associated with all three. The study suggests that exposure to adversity in childhood is a powerful predictor of health outcomes later in life, including mental health outcomes like depression and anxiety, as well as physical health outcomes like cardiovascular disease, diabetes, and cancer. The study suggests that experiencing violence can make the body age more quickly at a biological level, which may help explain the connection between early life adversity and poor health.
What personality is shaped by childhood trauma?
Childhood adversity can lead to various negative traits, including anger, aggression, low agreeableness, and external success orientation. High neuroticism, influenced by early adversity, can lead to aggressive and impulsive behaviors, possibly learned from childhood experiences or as a protective measure against loss or maltreatment. Neglect or neglect can also result in difficulty getting along with others, leading to frequent arguments and a preference for “go it alone”.
Additionally, early negative experiences can lead to arrogance and unhealthy pride, bolstering an underlying sense of inadequacy or vulnerability. This can result in a desire for fame and financial success, often to ease the pain and privation of the past.
What are the 5 personalities of childhood trauma?
Childhood trauma can lead to specific personality traits, such as codependency, helper, fixer, perfectionistic, anxious, or controlling. Life Coach and author Lisa A. Romano discusses how growing up in a dysfunctional home impacts the developing personality. She explains that our authentic self is waiting to emerge, but without inner child and emotional recovery work, our trauma personality remains a mask. It is possible to find the road back to the authentic self, set healthy boundaries, and cope with troubling family dynamics in healthier and more productive ways.
How does childhood trauma affect personality development?
A child with a complex trauma history may exhibit unpredictable, oppositional, volatile, and extreme behavior due to their struggle with self-regulation and impulse control. They may also be overcontrolled, rigid, and unusually compliant with adults. This can lead to a sense of “spacey” and detachedness, and they may engage in high-risk behaviors such as self-harm, unsafe sexual practices, and excessive risk-taking.
They may also engage in illegal activities, such as alcohol and substance use, assaulting others, stealing, running away, and prostitution, making them more likely to enter the juvenile justice system.
Cognition is another area where children with complex trauma histories may struggle with thinking, reasoning, and problem-solving. They may struggle to plan ahead, anticipate the future, and act accordingly. They may struggle with acquiring new skills or taking in new information, and may show deficits in language development and abstract reasoning skills. Learning difficulties may require support in the academic environment.
Self-concept and future orientation are also affected by a child’s experiences with caregivers, who have the greatest influence on their sense of self-worth and value. Abuse and neglect can make a child feel worthless and despondent, leading to feelings of shame, guilt, low self-esteem, and a poor self-image.
At what age is childhood trauma the most impactful?
Only a few studies have examined the risk of depression or PTSD during sensitive periods, and no consensus has emerged regarding whether earlier or later exposure is predictive of elevated risk. Three prospective studies found that individuals with maltreatment prior to age 5 had higher levels of teacher-reported internalizing symptoms in early childhood and self-reported depressive symptoms in early 16 and early to mid-adulthood compared to those who were either never exposed or exposed during later stages.
Retrospective studies have also found earlier abuse (before age 5 or before age 12) or trauma (between 4–6 and before age 12) particularly elevates risk for depressive symptoms and major depressive disorder.
For PTSD symptoms or PTSD diagnoses, similar mixed findings have been observed. For instance, children with PTSD tended to report a lower age at first exposure (between 3–5), and sexual assault or physical abuse before age 11, but not childhood neglect, conferred the highest risk for PTSD. Retrospective studies have also found older children (ages 13–18) had higher risk for PTSD relative to their peers exposed at other ages.
Evidence regarding the effects of age at onset to natural disasters appears more consistent, with both retrospective and prospective studies observing higher levels of PTSD symptoms or PTSD diagnoses among older children (around age 7 and above) compared to younger children (those younger than about age 7).
These studies suggest the developmental timing of trauma exposure may be associated with subsequent risk for depression or PTSD, but they are limited by a focus on a small subset of adversities, reliance on small clinical or convenience samples, and failure to account for the correlated nature of adversities. Additionally, relatively few studies have examined the time-dependent effects of specific trauma types, leaving open the possibility that earlier trauma exposure may be confounded by the number of times exposed.
How does early childhood trauma contribute to the development of personality disorders?
Childhood trauma can exacerbate anxiety symptoms and lead to the development of maladaptive coping mechanisms, such as emotional numbing or avoidance. These coping mechanisms may persist into adulthood and manifest as personality disorders, including avoidant or borderline personality disorder.
📹 How Childhood Trauma May Affect Your Love Choice
Even if you don’t exactly remember your childhood trauma, it still leaves an impact on you. So can childhood trauma affect your life …
I love how this website is so warming and hopeful despite the heavy topics that they cover from time to time. While I often understand what they talk about in the articles, it still helps to have a clearer picture of what you’re going through, and this websites helps with that. They cover these heavy topics with a lot of care for their audience, and I love it. Thank you so much for your content!
I was quiet, painfully shy and I had no confidence so people labelled me thick and I went with it for years . My Dad said if there was a wrong way to do something I would find it . He was very impatient and prone to mood swings which is why I spent most of my childhood on egg shells . I stayed quiet and kept to the background so that I wouldn’t be noticed. This was my coping mechanism but unfortunately it didn’t help me to push myself forward . Confidence came later . I am happy now, not to everyone’s taste but at 62 years old I have learnt to care about me and put me first.
For people who need it 🙂 1. You become a perfectionist 0:30 2. You may develop a eating disorder 1:43 3. You sometimes act childish 2:38 4. You develop an insecure attachment 3:50 3 types of insecure attachments: 1. anxious or preoccupied 4:44 2. avoidant or dismissive 5:03 3. disorganized or fearful-avoidant 5:33
I literally had tears at your description of anxious attachment style. This fits me perfectly. I’ve heard the term before but the simple and concise way in which you put it made me feel seen and understood after what feel like an eternity. Thanks a lot. I hope there are some steps we can take ourselves to become more secure in our own selves and our relationships.
My life is full of so much traumas that i can’t even explain it. From the childhood assaults to molestation, having parents who always fight, they didn’t even care if I’m crying or afraid of them, screaming in the corner somewhere, waking every morning in a fear. This was my childhood. They just wanted me to say “yes” to their every decisions that’s it. Couldn’t even behaved like a person whatever I was. This was just my childhood. And after that life is much worse than anyone can even imagine.
Every time I get verbally abused, I would make up a scene in my head where all the sad scenarios that happened to me was happening, and there was someone there to come soothe me, and hug me, and would tell me they are sorry for hurting me, and give me the attention and love that I deserve . This has been my coping mechanism for the last 32 years, and still going . It may sound like I’m a sick person in the head, but sometimes, just to get out of the hurt, I’d do anything even if it’s looked crazy .
I had alot of childhood trauma, i was raped by my brother at 7 years old, i was mentally and physically abused by my parents growing up, being constantly yelled at, being told from my mom that she wished she never had children and much more. My parents divorced when i was born and my dad an abusive drunk, i felt lost and i felt like I couldn’t go anywhere and that i had no one, and i would have countless nights where i just sit in my room and cry, My step dad put poop on my toothbrush and i would brush my teeth with it when at age 6 . i am currently now 18 living on my own because my mom kicked me out .Im looking for schools near me cause im still a senior and im working constantly, and i have my own apartment. theres so much more to my story
My family was very dysfunctional in many ways, like most families I’m sure. My sister and mum fought every night for years of my childhood- screaming, threats, breaking things. My dad and I went to our rooms alone. I delved into a world of fantasy novels and music. My parents also spanked us frequently which I realize is very common in the previous generation, but it set off a lot of fear in me. I was bullied in highschool and became very isolated because I couldn’t talk to my parents about my feelings. There was a consistent message in my house that you shove down how you feel. You don’t cry, you don’t feel sorry for yourself. You just carry on. But I never felt as strong as my parents, and so I struggled for years with substance abuse and low self esteem. This year for the first time, I am examining my childhood memories and understanding that we were not a perfect family (like my mum kept trying to convince me). My parents had a lot of emotional issues and traumas (my dad was abused by his father and my mums parents died young) and they brought that with us. Their marriage fell apart when I was born and eventually my dad cheated on my mum and we all found out. Basically…don’t let people tell you that just because you haven’t experienced the worst of the worst, that you don’t have lasting impacts from your childhood. Everyone does, and it’s important to understand where you came from and how it shaped you.
I swear childhood traumas give horrific outcomes and shape you into a complete beast. The fear of getting attached, getting broken, being a perfectionist, mood un consistency or imbalance food, being extra childish because you know you can’t handle a thing because your family never trusted you and the result is that you start disbelieving yourself. There must be a parenthood degree before giving birth, but maybe it will go in vain eg being a psychologist you can be an abuser too!! where the degree is just a paper!!
The perfectionism part is so spot on. At least to my experience. My parents always expected the best from me when I was a kid and if I didn’t live up to their standards they would immediately compare me to others. Not to mention i was the eldest sibling so that put extra pressure on me. My mom never stopped comparing me to her nephew (my cousin who was my also my age). She would always talk highly of him and wish that i was like him which made me feel unworthy and not good enough. My mom realized her flaws in parenting me and apologized to me years later when I grew up. We cried together that night and promised each other that we learn from our past and stick together no matter what. Our household was unstable and the stress and fighting with my dad led her to having poor judgment of me and my siblings which i can understand as long as she meant her apology which she really did. She’s changed so much now and i’m very proud of her. But the feeling of wanting to make everything seem perfect and not disappoint others has stuck with me. I fear rejection and failure and i have constant self-doubt and shame. But i’m trying to overcome this and I know I can. If you suffer from perfectionism just know that you are doing your best and if things don’t turn out the way you want them to be, then that’s completely fine as this is the way of life. If your life was perfect trust me it would so boring because there is no challenge to make it interesting. Learn to let things go and do not blame yourself for things that didn’t live up to your expectations.
I didn’t realize how bad my childhood was until pretty recently. I grew up with a neglectful and emotionally abusive mother and an alcoholic father who wasn’t present in our lives for the most part, they divorced when I was a small child. My brother and I were raised in a very unhealthy way by our mother and I remember so many things happening that just shouldn’t happen to a child. Our old house over time became incredibly messy, messier than the word messy sounds fit to describe, and if I had to go into detail it’d take an entire paragraph, I would have no problem describing it room by room because I remember it vividly, and the worst part that I’ve only really begun to realize is our mom KNEW it was wrong and made it a point to tell us not to tell anyone because CPS would take us away from her, and honestly thinking about that part angers me so much. I’m sorry for the upcoming rant, but to know that the environment you’re keeping your children in is wrong and still insist on keeping them there, to make it a point to scare them into staying silent, that’s diabolical, heck I’d even call it evil, and I wish I could say I don’t strongly resent her for it (the word “resent” doesn’t do it justice), I’d go as far as to say I want nothing to do with her for the rest of my life, but sadly I’m still dependent on her, and I’m working towards not being dependent on her and I think I’m doing a pretty good job, although some days I only motivate myself out of pure spite and the desire to ditch her for good.
My abusive father turned my life into a nightmare for 25 years, and my mom was quite helpless and couldn’t help me or herself. I defended myself on my own. From childhood I’ve learned that the world is cruel, people are evil and you always need to fight for yourself – and at the same time I’m unworthy of good things, I shouldn’t even try. A lot of people are actually kind for me, really, but I live in fear and push them away or act too harshly to them. And I’m so sorry! I don’t want to hurt or avoid good people, I can’t just act differently, I’m used to be always ready to defence or attack. I’m stuck in my shell and can’t get out. I’m just glad I can share my story here. Thank you so much for that. 🧡
Sometimes I find it difficult to accept that I have childhood trauma from my parents because I don’t think they ever actively intended to mistreat me. I think they had a lot of trouble learning to parent me with their own issues going on, and my wants and needs got caught in the cross fire of their expectations and desires for me. I know they’ve always loved me and always will, but there were times in my childhood that that just didn’t seem true unless I was behaving in the way they wanted. I used to act out a lot (I think as a way to ask for help) in middle school and went through a really turbulent and volatile period with my parents. I guess I just never realized how the intentions behind their actions didn’t compensate for the unhealthy things I took away from their behavior.
After the death of my baby sister when I was 7 (I’m 15 now), my parents argued several times a week. They had different ways of coping with her death. My dad absorbed himself into his job, and my mom would go to the beach every day. My dad thought that she was being lazy, so they fought constantly as a result. My mom was already unhappy with the marriage, so she was volatile to begin with. After every fight, my dad would vent by saying terrible things about my mom in front of me. After 8 years of this shit, I just avoid talking about it at all costs. I know that it’s my dad’s way of dealing with his anger, but I can’t fucking stand it. His venting made me resentful when people treat me wrong, even if it wasn’t intentional. I’m unable to forgive anyone. I only saw the worst in other people, disregarding everything else but their flaws. That’s the case for everyone in my life, even myself. I hate myself, and I take my anger out on everyone around me, even my closest friends. This has costed me my only true friend. I snapped, and we don’t talk anymore. I’d have rekindled that relationship if I knew I wouldn’t hurt her again, but I didn’t and I still don’t. I’ve harmed her in the past several times, and her response for every apology was “please don’t do it again.” I’m unworthy of her trust, as I just break it as soon as it’s given. She’s better off without me in her life. Without all the shit I do to her. Even if I find another friend like her, who’s to say that I won’t hurt them too?
It’s amazing how much we learn about ourselves as we mature. What I find particularly interesting is what we learn about our parents and caregivers, and that when we seek to understand their behavior, it has a tendency to release some of the pent-up anger, frustration and curiosity so that we can begin to heal ourselves.
As someone in the coments said, I assume my childhood was normal until i grow up and saw everyone else’s was better. My parents never traveled, took me to the cinema, to science expositions, extra-clases, to the park, literally anywere. My mum was always working and my dad unemployed drinking, when my mum would come out of work he would demand her presence at the bar and i was left alone at home like 6 hours a day after school. Now everyone has wonderful experiences from childhood and craves being an adult, while I’m trying to process that mine was sad and repetitive. On top of that, my dad was unpredictable and abusive. He could be happy laughing, but when he just crossed the hallway, he could be shouting and insulting us. Now he’s dead, my mum recovered from the abusive relationship and has a boyfriend, but for me, it feels like I can’t turn the page. Everyone has moved on, started growing up, making friends and having relationships while I’m with low self-esteem, insecure, sad, without barely any friends and far away from love-like interaccions. I just stay at home, feeling like my life is passing by while I just contemplate others.
Being the eldest son is one of the things that I never dreamed of. The way they treat my siblings is very different in how they treated me as the first born child. Way back when I was in senior high school,they gave me an allowance exactly for my transpo and for my projects even the simple contribution in the room still counted on my allowance. But my siblings allowance doubled the amount of mine. There was a time that I needed to walk just to go to school without having breakfast, I don’t know if my father hated me so much for that kind of treatment. But the worst part is every time my birthday comes he always locks the door and leaves me outside for the whole night. It started when my mother became an OFW. Sometimes I always thought that I wasn’t his child because my last name is after my mom’s maiden name, unlike my siblings they are all after my father’s surnames. Disclaimer: I’m not good at English I just want to express my thoughts about it. Thank you in advance.
I actually wish my parents were more tough on me and had any interest in my life. They never taught me anything about adulthood, not finances, not relationships, not anything. They actually got upset every time I signed up for an activity or sport, but atlease they never said no. I just wish they had an interest in teaching me a little bit about what I was going to face out in the world. That taught me to be break the cycle with my children.
It’s not only bad parents that can cause childhood trauma! I grown up with very loving and understanding parents, but was bullied in school for many years and from a very young age. Even many teachers treated me poorly, because I didn’t live up to their very restricted norms of how a child should be. Insults,agressions and even gaslightning was a part of this treatment, as well as being guilttripped for even the tiniest mistake sometimes. I even was told I was to weird to make friends. It is a miracle that I managed to graduade with good grades and then went to university, but because of all this I have been lonely my entire 33 years life and just can’t take normal healthy risks like applying for a job or starting relationships (because I think that nobody wants me and that my parents are the only people who can love me). It is like my entire body tells me these things are just too dangerous. It’s too dangerous to take the risk of once more being rejected. I am seeking help for this, but it is hard to find the right one. Please, do more content about bullying, like what it is and how it can damage people. I once heard about a study that showed that victims of bullying suffered the same kind of stress like victims of torture! 😭
The insecure attachment hit hard. I have been neglected by both my parents, teachers, family all around and had no friends. I had to scream and fight with my family to make them realise how I’m hurting, but it’s too late ever since I got diagnosed with developing bpd at 14. 14. A 14 year old should not have to find out they’re developing bpd
I’ve not been neglected, my parents are really supportive of me. But some middle/high school experiences really torn me down. When I was 12 my dad got really sick and almost died, at the time I wasn’t feeling much affected by it, but about two years ago I got diagnosed with general anxiety disorder, which probably descended from that time, but also by some horrible experiences in school. I had best friends, which after leaving middle school never talked to me again. In high school I was very lonely. I went to the class mentor for help, but he never helped me. Once we went on a school camp in the Ardennen (Belgium). They told us we were going swimming, but because of my ADD I’m very slow in getting ready, so at the moment I had to go to the bathroom. When I came out they had left leaving me behind. (Luckily my mom was there with us, but she also has ADD, so she wasn’t ready yet and didn’t know that my class had left). We went looking for them, for at least an hour, we called my mentor asking were they were, but we still couldn’t find them. So we went back to the camp and started making dinner. Maybe 1,5 hours later they came back, my mentor yelling at me for not being with the group and saying that this was all my fault. I could only look at my feet and I felt horrible. Then a two days later we had an awful lot of rain, so much that the tent we were sleeping in flooded. (I slept in this tent with 3 other girls, they did not want me in their tent but they were the only ones with a place left).
As a child who grew up in a family of addcits, the first and third type of insecure attachment hit me so close to home. As long as my mom had her drug of choice, things would be okay. But when the withdrawal kicked in, it was like a totally different person emerged. It was a roller coaster ride of love and fear all the time, so by the time I was an adult I didn’t understand what a healthy relationship looked like because I thought they all thrived on high drama and low depression and fights all the time.
A major challenge with this is when you attempt to explain these points to a parent, only to have them turn around and call you crazy for blaming them for your own insecurities. These are the kinds of people, family or not, that we should make the active effort of avoiding for these are the kinds of people who will make their problems, yours…
I feel my parents fit in the hot cold type. Some days they compliment the things i do right and say im unique and a good person, and then we get the other side of the coin where it doesn’t feel i can satisfy their expectations and they come with any excuse to say i didn’t do enough, this made me lose all my trust in their words and on a bad day, they make sure to make me feel i am a burden to them. At this point I don’t know how im even able to keep myself up, i feel depressed and unmotivated, i just want to feel what i do actually matters and feel loved. I hope i don’t resort into anything bad if the pain is too much to handle.
The segment about age regression hit me really hard. Friends often get annoyed when I call any cute animal a “baby bear” as a nickname. I also feel like people are avoiding me because I come across as “cringey” and childish, I just thought I was just being too anxious about my autism and that was causing me to feel out of place. But now I know it might be age regression I feel like I can look into getting support!
For me it’s perfectionism and fearful-avoidant attachment issues. My parents had quite some expectations of me and I always have to walk on eggshells around them and be careful with what I say and how I say it. Absolutely exhausting. Even now I know what and what not to talk about with them and I experience crushing guilt for being a failure every day.
Hello, I’m getting a better situation from parents who were hot-cold. Still don’t trust that it’ll stay long tho, and I’ve noticed myself spacing out more. I keep on forgetting I have amazing friends to confide in, but I guess my trust with them is Luke warm, meaning I’m the problem again haha😅. Thanks for reading all the way…
I think there is at least one other important point to take in consideration: school environment. If you haven’t been in an “healthy” school environment, starting from teachers and classmates that treats you wrong, you may develop several problems which shapes your way you see yourself and the world around you. In my case, I’ve been verbally bullied for 8 years almost every day by the majority of my classmates, and this brought me to have depression, anxiety and a lot of fears. Not to mention the total lack of self-esteem, not feeling “enough” for anyone. I think all this problems are reflecting in my current life every day. The only girlfirend I had betraied me twice, (the second time last week after one year of relationship) and I’ve started to think I don’t deserve any type of love by any girl, just because I “show” a part of me which is still broken, and in some way reflects who am I, so people try to avoid me. I also don’t have any friend to meet up and go out together sometimes. Basecly, I feel useless, and since the recent broke up, even more. I don’t know how to love, probably because I don’t love myself first. And I’m not able to do so.
I’m definitely anxious-preoccupied attachment, I hate rejection and I feel like I’m crazy but I want a boy to tell me I’m the prettiest girl he’s ever seen and I just want that best friend that makes me feel like I’m their favorite and we’re inseparable. I just want to feel special because I grew up with my siblings and mom making me feel like I’m a stupid kid who has horrible anger issues and is a bad person. So now I’m a people pleaser so ppl don’t think of me that way and I fantasize about a love story bc it’ll reassure me that someone doesn’t think of me like that like my family did.
I remember my best friend used to cry at school not sharing anything with us she would just smile and say nothing happened but her life was such a mess she was brought up in a well developed,reputed family her mom was a teacher and her dad was a business man from outside it looked like she’s living her best life we could imagine she was very beautiful, she was multitalented she also had a very good acedemic result beauty talent popularity everything she was cheerful, energetic, teacher,s loved her way of talking she was very famous boys of our school we’re so obsessed with her but girls in our class hated her a lot her parents had a love marriage so when she was born her father didn’t like it and somehow her father changed his behavior he always used to fight with his wife and scold his daughter and would just control their life as they are his puppets he disliked his own daughter and wife he wasn’t supportive at all he would try to find ways anyhow to scold his daughter, her grandma was the reason for her father’s behavior and hatred towards his own daughter her grandma was such an evil she would just find a way to show her daughter in law and her grandchildren bad in front of his son and her own sister was a part of this evil too she started this hatred in everyone’s heart and this really did effect her as childhood trauma she would always try to find boyfriend after boyfriend so everygirl in our class hated her and called her pick me girl because all the boys were after her so the other girls were always jealous of her and her love life is not great as well she is being cheated on by 5 boys till but even after so toxicity she always tries to find a man who will love her truly that’s her trauma as she wants to find a man who could give the love she deserved which she didn’t receive from her father and she is so scared of everything she is even scared to make new friends because she had been betrayed by a lot of her ex friends and she was also diagonised with a disease that is untreatable .
I so relate with the anxious attachment style. I crave love and attention, but I’m convinced that no one will ever truly love or care about me, and that everyone who’s ever been there for me was actually just annoyed they had to deal with me. I feel like I’m just a broken and attention-seeking pest to others. Also, on a different note, it’s kind of funny that for the longest time I didn’t think I had abandonment issues since I never really “feared” being abandoned, rather I expected it and always quickly jump to the conclusion that the other party doesn’t care about me.
this basically described my personality… i was abused as a child and when i talked about it my parents neglected me, they were also very perfectionist and had high expectations for me, my grades, my “health” (my body) and nothing i did was ever enough! i had to be the good girl, good daughter, good sister, good friend, ask for nothing, be nice and polite, please people and not complain at all, i then developed an overachiever life style but ended up having a burn out and falling into severe depression, then i healed from it but got my bpd diagnosis! so yeah i have a wounded inner child, i struggle with procrastination to avoid my perfectionist inner criticism, i sometimes act childish and i have completely insecure disorganized attachment style! somehow i crave for intimacy but at the same time i’m terrified of it! i don’t want to be someone’s second choice, i don’t wanna be hurt, neglected or abandoned! i deal with shame and guilty too but i believe i do deserve love is just that i never learned to receive and accept it and also i can’t trust people to love me the way i deserve to be loved!
That’s why I feel like even tho a lot of the guardians in my life hurt me. I know that they also got hurt in their childhood as well. And that we all have trauma, obviously no excuse to hurt their children either way. But I’ve came to a sense that nothing will be changed if I don’t let it go and just forgive them. My mom went through horrible things in her life. She despised her own mom too for what happened in her childhood. But after years of having hate in her heart towards her mom, my grandma passed away. & my mom realized that hate in her heart just put her through hell cuz now she regrets not forgiving her mom & blaming everything on her. & taking her dads side for many years. He also passed away a long time ago. But after all of that I understand that a lot of parents aren’t the best & all. Life moves on & either u like it or not. Having love & forgiveness will always go a long way for the family. & breaking that cycle will be a blessing in all forms of healing within ur family.
I would always be an average grader in my classes from my childhood. Bullied at high school, having feelings about being neglected, having an alcoholic father and an abusive brother in household, relatives bringing my self esteem low, I grew up. It really did help me to shape my personality. I don’t have any interest or intention to be around people anymore. This is why I stay away from people. Sometimes I feel like I want to give up so bad or just want to disappear from this world so that it’s like I ever existed. I Don’t feel like getting attached to others anymore. I would always get humiliated no matter what. There is a lump in your throat, you feel like drowning in a empty void.
I did not bring children in this world in order to stop the transgenerational trauma. I eat real food now so my health is not affected. (I tend to not eat throughout the day but my dinner meal is let’s say my reward for my hard day of work) Finally, I was co-dependent and turned around 180 degrees to become avoidant. I am not sharing that so people react the same way as I do but I decided to honor my masculine side and react just like men do (men are the ones who really messed me up but women are not exactly angelic either) by making decisions about my life and myself and not giving a flip about what people think for the simple reason that I do not harm anybody – only protecting myself – (and I certainly feel that I do not owe anybody anything) which is already a great improvement compared to be like I was and I am even proud of myself because I honor how I feel and think for a change. I won’t help anybody (I keep my empathy to myself) before I will myself be out of dodge. Thank you for your article.
I am said to be childish sometimes, am an extreme perfectionist, have disorganized attachment type and have high-functioning autism. I suppose being repeatedly physically abused by kids at school and near home, and mentally abused by my parents caused that. I survived 2 depression episodes and 2 suicide attempts. I have been trying to get rid of the prison built by the rules instilled by my parents and teachers in my early years, and am feeling much better now.
This really hits me 😭😭I’m actually seeing a therapist now from my childhood trauma,my parents didn’t love me and still don’t,I’ve tried numerous of times to forgive them but they are still the same,I was raised by my grandma!I somehow I know how to love my kids unconditionally and I know they are not perfect but for me they are I praise them daily,and I don’t want a relationship I’m scared to be hurt I’ve been hurt by everyone around me including the person I had them with,fear of abandonment 🤧hopefully one day I will let someone in.I’m a emotional wreck.
In my childhood ı always changed school and cities which I live in for some reasons(dads work). Always ı met with new people. So ı cannot say ı have childhood friends. Because when moved other cities our connection ended even we tought our connection will last forever. I always tried to make others to love me. Because ı was “new”person. Everyone was having strong relationships because they knew each other before . So many time ı thought myself ı dont belong here but ı never gave up. I tried to love everyone even they didn’t love me. I cannot say ı didnt have friends ı had. But you know it didnt last after ı move other city. And also my parents always want me to being perfect in everything. I always tried to get high points in exams for to make my parents happy. When ı didnt get, ı felt sad and even cried..My parents sent me many courses.I tried many sports but they weren’t for me. But still they sent me to go these courses. I was feeling tired of controlling. I thought to kill myself. I was felt bored in life.I was under 18 I didnt tell something because “ı am under 18”. Finally ı went to university. I was feeling myself really happy and free. Because ı could do anything ı want. I realized ı dont need to be perfect.ın here ıt was easy to find friends. Suddenly ı got many friends. I thought like ı am feeling happy having fun and ı found “true”people. But ıt wasn’t.. ı felt that everyone was next to me because they had some exceptions from me. (Some s was w me for class notes, some’s for relationships).
(I’m kind of venting here) I just realized I can relate to most of these, except for the eating disorder, but I have been feeling insecure lately. Oh, and who knew my 3 passed away dog’s that I’ve never knew because I was only a baby could give me insecure attachment towards my two dogs that I have right now? (Oh boy, this feels awkward-)
A religious christian once told me to forget all my traumas after I told him about the years of emotional abuse i suffered as a child. I told him my parents used to fight alot when i was younger and i had to witness it all. As a result, i always had this fear of abandonment growing up. As a kid, i used to be so afraid that my parents would eventually leave me someday but as the years went by, this fear manifested into anger. I’m 21 now and i used to question why im a perfectionist but thanks to this article, i finally understand why. My sister also suffers from ed and other mental health issues as a result of the years of trauma. Though my dad’s changed alot as a person, i still find it very hard to forgive him. What baffles me most is when i told the christian man this, he couldn’t fathom why i hate my parents. He even had the audacity to question me. He told me it’s normal for parents to fight and that i should just ‘forgive’ them. I just find it very invalidating as he is not in our shoes and we don’t have the shared experience. This is why you should think before having kids. P.s english is not my first language so excuse the grammar mistakes
I think that the main issue I’ve had had anger. For so long, I’ve had such a build up of anger, frustration, rage, etc, and I think it’s because of how introverted I am. I can hardly start a conversation and keep it going, so I’ve had a tough time making friends. Being sorta alone, I just feel some sort of small fire inside of me, where anything could set it off into a wildfire. But I keep it secure, never letting it, or myself, go. Even if it feels like thoughts get into my head, very bad thoughts, and I want to go through with these thoughts, but I rarely ever do. I don’t like to talk about this stuff with my parents since it feels like my dad is a bit too chill about it, and I don’t want my mom to be worried. I just want to hold that fire and stop it from spiraling.
Being childish and having an eating disorder hit close to home. When I get really stressed, like over the first day of school, I turned back to when I was middleschool with dinosaur arms and doing strange things like clicking and scratching and literally acting like a dog with walking on all fours and whining. It was impossible to stop doing it as it felt wrong and dangerous to walk around like a normal person. On the other side, there’s times where I regress around my sister or when I’m excited. I go back to when I was 7 or 8 before everything fell apart. I jump around and do a baby voice along with other standard child things. Even when I’m in standard existence I still need stuffed animals to cuddle with if I ever want to go to bed. I think I have a binge eating disorder. Food has always been that one thing that nobody can taint no matter what. I will sit there and eat and eat until I almost throw up and then hide every speck of evidence I did such. And then I wont eat because I feel like shit. But then that feeling of shit makes me want to. And it’s a horrible cycle that’s very hard to break and it doesn’t help when your mother is trying to dictate that you HAVE to eat even though you’re not hungry so then you eat to make her feel better but you literally can’t even bring yourself to eat a quarter of it cause you already ate so much today so now you’re kinda just sitting in shame with a bowl of food that you know you’re never going to eat
I’m just curious about one thing in regards to attachment styles. I know it stems from how your parents treated you, but if you received different reactions from different parents? Like for example say your mom was a good and affectionate parent whose parenting style would surely lead to a secure attachment style but your dad was dismissive and didn’t care? What then? And what about experiences later in life like bullying in school? How do all these affect your attachment style?
I can relate to the last one cause it triggered a memory Let me tell you: I do remember when I was 7 or 8 I got whooped while my relatives were there in the living room and my room is only a few steps away from the living room so everyone heard me getting whooped ( if you grew up in a black household you know). I was so embarrassed I didn’t leave my room until everyone was gone home I even cry myself to sleep cause how embarrassed I was.
Woah..the Childish Act, having Chimmy’s Plushie with me hits exactly to the point. I just wanted to pretend like I’m still a child(even when I’ve seen the darkest ill reality of this world).. cause I’m just too afraid to talk about adult things and expressing my emotions maturely, it’s difficult Even now when I want to. I’m so sick of my inner child sometimes, when I can’t truely share what I want/feel. And My own family takes me as a joke. It’s like the fight Me vs Me. Inner child is resisting the force of adult me to share and express myself, to let them know who am I really, how much they hurt me, Why I don’t open up to them, Why am I like this. Only When I’m alone with myself I do have soo serious,mature, meaningfull adult convo with me. Only I know how much I’ve grown through my worst lowest. And how am I managing to become a better person. They just know what I wanted to show them about me. I’ll let them know this all,once I believe that I’ve become capable & mature enough to make decisions of my own life, and I’ll live it and prove it to them, that I’ve done my best with such situations and Traumas. I’ve handles myself alone till now without you even knowing what I was going through,so I’ll take good care of me, heal me and Be the Best Version and couraging Example to set in a society!
While parents may have some role in childhood trauma, I don’t think it’s fair to always assume it’s the parents that do this. For me, it came directly from how I was treated in middle school. Just those three years were so horrible in my life that I would rather just not live that experience. People say that all the things that happened to them good and bad is what made them who they are now, but my experience in middle school has given me nothing but drastically worse changes in my life. I gained absolutely nothing from those entire three years of my life. If all memories of those years were gone, I would probably be so much better than right now.
It’s crucial for parents and future generations to grasp the significance of providing unwavering love, affection, and support to children. Being fully healed and content with oneself before becoming a parent is paramount. Each of these factors plays a vital role. Consider the impact of someone who hasn’t addressed their own traumas raising another individual. It underscores the necessity of self-love before embarking on parenthood. Plus, it’s essential to ensure absolute certainty in one’s ability to offer love, care, and support to a child when they need it most.
it seems like we’ve gotten to the point where people assume almost everyone has childhood trauma. it should be mentioned that not every poor experience = trauma. abuse is trauma. but you can be a poor parent without necessarily abusing or traumatizing your kids personally, i’d like to see this website talk more about trauma that doesn’t have to do with parents or romantic partners. or lesser known mental illnesses because their content is very repetitive
I can relate to all 3 insecure attachments, thank you so much for this article, I found out who I actually am today, I always knew some things wrecked me in some shape or form but I was never able to find out what it was and I couldn’t relate to psychopathy or sociopathy or narsism other than the old scars that shape people
I have had what most people would call from an outside perspective “a perfect childhood.” My mother worked from home on the computer, my dad had a middle paying stocks job, but what everyone didn’t see on the outside, was what truly mattered. I was the youngest of two siblings. I grew up in generations upon generations of highly intelligent people. So like everyone else, I was supposed to be no different. Of course I never got a final letter grade that was lower than an A. I was in various different clubs and sports. So was my older sister. She was perfect. She had perfect grades, she was class president, valedictorian, top of the top. My parents loved this. What they didn’t love was me. I was top of my class as well, but I was not perfect. I didn’t always get 100%, whether I tried my best or not it didn’t matter. I didn’t mean much because I was worthless. I never seemed to have friends that stuck. I would get a good friend, then two years later they would move away or become toxic. I thought I was the problem and no one liked me. By the time I got to middle school I was dealing with high anxiety, the burden of my parents, little friends, and very low self esteem. My best friend of 6 years moved away. Everything started rocky. I got some friends, and like always, they became toxic. Classic. I made it through sixth grade. Summer was the worst summer I had ever had. I spiraled into a deep depression and I had no self esteem. My parents didn’t help or care. My sister didn’t help or care.
They shaped me into someone who crys to much because they said “I’ll give you a reason to cry” I’m depressed and have adhd, anxiety, really shy and introverted I even have death wishes on them they neglected, and abused me I taught myself how to not make a sound when I cry I don’t open up to people I wish cps would come and take me (I’m 12 btw) I wish I was 18 right now so I Dan escape but no one can save me
Oh my God, many people used to accuse me of having daddy issues and being a red flag. I didn’t used to give much thought to it until quite recently I have realised that I am avoidant and dismissive towards people in general. I just hate the thought of being dependent on anyone, I can’t help but see that as a weakness. It’s hard to trust, let loose and not constantly villainize people. I just hope that I recover from this.
I would love to see a article about DBT and RO DBT. BPD is so rarely talked about and so highly stigmatised, people like me with it are lead to believe we are hust crazy toxic monsters who are just backhoes that hurt everyone around us… DBT and RO DBT gives so much hope and so little is known about it I really would love to see a article covering it!
I was brought up in Jehovah’s Witnesses as well as had an abusive stepfather. It’s been a long journey for me and two things have helped. The first is spiritual practices that put me in control. Meditation in particular. The other is taking responsibility for things around me. Both give a sense of purpose and meaning.
I’m a senior in high school and I’ve always had trouble with getting anything done as I have a lack of motivation and also a fear of growing up. I don’t have my license and I ride to school and other places with my sister, the thought of being on my own making decisions for myself thay can effect my life and even scarier the lives around me makes me lose confidence in doing things alone. I can’t think of any mental trauma as child (that I know of), but I did have 2 very severe cases of brain trauma before the age of 4 where both of which I had to get some kind a of stitching. Sometimes I feel like this trauma has effected me long term (especially in school) because I don’t think logically and I don’t feel emotions like most do, I don’t cry or feel any empathy towards a loss of loved one’s or friends, like when my cousin died last summer I never really felt like I truly cared even though I wanted to. When I went to his funeral and everyone was crying all I could think about was “why am I not crying, why don’t I care about my own cousin who shot himself at such a young age”. I’m often scared about the things I think about as they definitely aren’t normal, I could probably watch someone get brutally murdered in front of me and not have an ounce of care or resentment towards them. I’m also very socially awkward despite my ability to make friends with everyone I meet, girls are where things get difficult as I don’t think I can say I gave a single friend who is a girl because I’ve always been to scared to talk to them and when I do they end up slowly leaving me until we just simply don’t talk anymore.
I was traumatized years ago as a teenage. Got diagnosed with ADHD. Spent my whole life fighting ADHD. I suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Not until my mom recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 6 years totally clean. Never thought I would be saying this about mushrooms.
One thing I think should be added is that childhood trauma is not just limited to home life, it can be your experience at school as well. It can happen anywhere, to be honest. For me, things were okay the first 11 years of my childhood, despite being diagnosed with ADD and having to take Ritalin from age 8 until I stopped taking it at age 14. Regardless, it wasn’t that bad. I had a great school (parochial type) that truly cared about our well being, had lots of friends and had very few worries back then (1980s-1991). Then I got the news we were moving. I took it pretty hard, and the day only got worse when we got news my grandpa had died. Needless to say, I was devastated. I didn’t have enough time to really say goodbye to my friends, nor be encouraged to keep in touch (“Why bother? It’ll just be a long distance relationship with them. Forget about it and make new friends”, as my dad would tell me to do.). So, we moved and settled into a new town, new school (public). Being the new kid, what started out as my peers scrutinizing me by asking innocent questions turned into artillery used against me. I was bullied/abused from day one and it lasted for 6 years (6th grade until I graduated high school). The things they said and did to me are too many to list and quite frankly, if done today would put each of those kids in jail for a long time. It brought everything good about me down to nothing. I tried to stop it countless times, even tried getting help from a teacher or principal, with no luck.
I have this insecure attachment where I don’t feel loved and frm my childhood I always want attention and love but seeing around my siblings who also grow like me are different frm me in some aspects(or maybe they are not just idk) I thought something is wrong with me, my father never spend his time with us he was always with his friends and my mother was also busy but she always makes time for us as a result we all four siblings are not close with my father even talking to him feels awkward sometimes.
For me personally it wasn’t my parents, it was my classmates who made me feel insecure, if I was doing good enough, if I could trust people. Bullying really does something to the bullied one. Even though it doesn’t seem like ‘such a big deal’ to others, to the one being bullied it can mean a lifetime of thinking different and being insecure
Unfortunately I don’t think my situation was in this article, but it still made me feel understood somehow. At church, there was this one old woman who HATED me for some reason. The other kids hated me too, but it felt different coming from an adult who is supposed to know more about life and stuff, I mean, kids look up to adults right? Anyways, I felt like a misfit, and I didn’t act the way the other kids acted, I was sensitive, so they made fun of me more. I just wanted to fit in and have some acceptance, but I didn’t know how. I would often run around and laugh and during the sermon, or whatever it’s called, I would just color and laugh with another kid, but I’d try to be quiet. Anyways, this woman ALWAYS complained about everything I did. I was either “coloring too loud” or “laughing too loud” or “taking too many cookies”. Even if I sat somewhere else she would complain and tell me to sit at my original seat, even though we were all free to sit wherever we wanted. The last time I went there was when I was yelling at another kid for treating me like a joke to just laugh at, and I was swearing at him, which was wrong, I admit. But this woman ran into the room and slapped me across the face. I even get yelled at by my dad sometimes for laughing too loud. So basically, now I am always self conscious about everything I do, even something as simple as opening a door, I get nervous when I do literally anything, because I’m scared that if I do something wrong or just slightly wrong and accidentally push the door instead of pull or whatever it is, I’m scared I’ll get yelled at or made fun of.
I had something happen in my life at 12 that caused me great shame. I blamed myself. I kept it a secret for over 11 years. That actually might have been the most damaging part because what happened wasn’t the end of the world but I thought it would be in my adolescent brain if anyone knew. My parents are good people but I didn’t feel safe to go to them. Maybe I could have but I didn’t think I could. To any parents out there, tell your kids they can always go to you no matter what and that you’ll love them no matter what. Might have helped me a lot. Shame bouncing around a kids head into young adulthood doesn’t help at all. It’s actually a recipe for drug abuse ect. Fortunately I didn’t go to far down any self destructive path like that. Also fortunate not to have an addictive personality. Anyway I got through it. Peace.
I have the childhood problem. I really need help with it its really difficult to leave with that kind of problem. I’ve always been afraid of becoming an adult and now that i have become an adult idk what to do. This year in jan i turned 18 and I seriously dont know how to act like my age and i feel like ppl who have known me for a long time dont take me seriously bcz i cant act like my age i act like an immature and i really feel like my mentality is not like my age like although i’m 18 i feel like my mind is stuck at the age of 16 or 15 and i need to fix my self as soon as possible
it’s interesting how my habit developed because of my childhood abuse. the woman who gave birth to me beat me on a daily basis as her form of punishment or discipline. i’ve been pushed down the stairs, beaten with a thick wood that almost shattered my spine, etc. all of that stopped when i was 14. now that im an adult, i found myself avoiding commitments or long term relationship with people. nowadays, they call it “ghosting”. and i realized that perhaps kids like me, who were so busy trying to survive because no one can save them ended up running away from solid relationships since they can no longer trust anyone but themselves. it’s like my brain have been engraved with “they can’t help me. i have to survive on my own. they will only let me down” so much that i can’t imagine starting my own family. this article just proved it correct
I’d love to see a article about childhood trauma including loss and how that can affect someone. That’s what I’ve dealt with, and I have barely seen any content about it in detail like this. I barely see it mentioned in articles. Just a suggestion, although I do think covering it would be a benefit for a lot of people as well, other than myself
I grew up in a household where not only did I not feel enough for my parents, but there was overall alot of screaming and pounding on the furniture almost daily. On top of all this, my brother was sexual towards me since I was young. My grandparents always played favoritism, treating my brother like royalty, but mocking and insulting me. When I was with them, I felt like a huge burden to them, like who I was just disappointed them. My grandparents and parents never got along, always telling me that one was manipulating me or trying to take me away. My cousin wasn’t much help either, as she would always be with my brother and also mock me. I really depended on my sister, for she was the only one who never mocked me or hurt me. But she left the house without warning and never came back. I was being sexually assaulted/pressured often until I was 14 (it started when I was probably 7 or 8). My grandpa recently died, someone who I felt close with ever since my sister passed. He was always at poor health, and was on oxygen most of my life. People in my family would mock him too. January of 2020 I just felt sick of everything. Sensitive Topic warning and I overdosed on antidepressants. My best friend called the ambulance and I was hospitalized for about 3 days before being transferred to a mental hospital. The mental hospital only made me feel worse. But when I got out of their, it made me appreciate my life more. And my family suddenly cared about me. Everything is better now, my sister is still gone.
My experience started from the day i was born With no knowledge and no self awareness my parents did a marriage which turned out to be total disaster which they finally got divorced despite all the tension i felt during my life time i can see all the childish disorders mentioned here in me n my sister for instance cuz of my fathers mood swings (or whatever it is named is psychological disorders) makes me feel disorganized all the time
Yes to the comfort of emotional eating. Yes to age regression ( not in outward behavior)…but in my mind I fantasize about going back and being a kid again. Yes to a combination of two types of insecure attachment… 1). The anxious insecure attachment theory and 3). The disorganized and fearful insecure attachment theory. Even though I am well aware of these issues and try to fight against them, it is amazing how much of an influence these things still have over my life! I am 60 years old, so it shows me that these childhood traumas can have a life long influence. I live my life as an adult, but internally struggle with crazy mixed up emotions.
I think it’s important to surround yourself with those who are in alignment and complimentary to living. If you’re around people who don’t support you or play games you just deteriorate or face trauma. May we all thrive in life and be shown what steps we can take to add value to every area of our lives.
My life had seemed like it was a great life. I had everything anyone could want, two supporting parents, an education, friends, and I had been deemed average at almost everything. Nobody understood. Why was I the one that had to suffer without a “proper” reason? Why was I “complaining” about my “perfect life”. My brother had cancer when we were just little children. My parents left the religion we had been in, the rest of our family never bothering to stay in touch because they were “sinners”. The thing is, I don’t even remember any of it! So I have to keep all my emotions inside because I have no reason to hurt. I had nightmares since, about everyone I cared about dying and I couldn’t do anything about it. I am not affected by those dreams anymore. And even though my family outside my parents and brother want nothing to do with us, I am still chained to them. A realization I came to when I was in middle school. I learned a lot of things those years, and I now know I was just being selfish and making the situation worse for everyone.
I always believed the way I am now is like mostly influenced by my parents, but I never thought this article was that spot on.. 1. I am a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to my studies and I kinda hate it. I tend to micromanage things and deliberately scanning for mistakes in my work and everything. It may sound not that bad or maybe even great, but honestly it’s getting annoying. I tend to overthink more, overcomplicate and it sometimes makes me slow when completing the task. Not to mention other people’s reaction to me being like this. And I do believe its rooted from my feeling of making mistakes or failing. My parents would expect highly of me and even at home they expect me to do everything that is right in their eyes. So I often times would get tired of the yelling when I make mistakes or didn’t do well enough. 2. I never did wanna admit that it was an eating disorder, but I guess it is quite alerting. My mom would always comment about how I look, how much I weigh, that I should eat less, etc. And now that I’m in college and away from my parents, I actually developed a habit of just not eating a proper meal for like a good 2-3 days. I could survive a whole day without eating anything or even feeling hungry, or maybe I would only eat what people considers as snacks just to fill my growing hunger after days of not eating a proper meal. I think I eat proper meal at least 2-3 times a week, and once I eat 1 proper meal, I wouldn’t eat again for the rest of the day. Yes, I would say this is a problem, but I don’t really know how to not do it bcs I don’t really get hungry that often anyways.
Childhood trauma is not always at the hands of parents or other relations. Sometimes and more often I believe, it is at the hands of our classmates and peers that we suffer the greatest traumas of childhood. For me, home was always a place of refuge. I could count on my parents being supportive of my every effort. School however, was a very different situation. Teachers and classmates ridiculed me constantly. In school, I was never good enough to be on any team or to accomplish anything worthy of respect or honor. Even my high school guidance counselor told me I wasn’t smart enough for college.
0:31 you become a perfectionist. 1:45 you may develop an eating disorder 2:43 you sometimes act childish shame, guilt humiliation and fear feelings sometimes hold people back. you might feel like adult responsibilities like working and paying bills are overwhelming. returning to childhood behavior to help cope- “age regression” 3:55 you develop an insecure attachment (3 types): Difference between secure attachment vs. insecure attachment -secure attachment: when raised by loving, caring parents you develop a sense of security and well-being -insecure attachment: when parents were overly critical and you never felt good enough, you may have low feelings of self-worth Types of insecure attachments A) anxious or preoccupied: low self-worth, feeling unloved, try to do anything for those you care about to avoid being hurt or neglect B) avoidant or dismissive: they don’t want to be around anyone who they feel might hurt them, they might feel “strong” like they can hold on their own. they don’t talk about their feelings holding things in. C) disorganized or fearful: when parents were friendly one moment then angry the next, people may develop trauma and fear reactions. they are not sure how others see them so they tend to be afraid to react certain ways. they are not sure of their self-worth. Thanks Psych2go 🥰 for anyone suffering from childhood trauma or struggling with mental health you’re special and loved 🥰
my friend said I’m a very traumatized kid, I thought it was a joke, but after perusal this, I realized a few things alongside the high probability of my friend not actually joking, or joking and accidentally being right. I’ve experienced these situations throughout my entire childhood, but at those times, I thought that’s normal and that happens to everybody- I thought my ‘trust issues’ were a thing for everybody, that it’s normal to not trust anybody. I always thought abt my fear of giving my future kids a bad childhood, and I’d think that I’d do the same as my parents did with me. But now, I’m not sure if it’s for the bad or for the worse to do it like they did. This article helped me quite a bit, thank you.
I’ve always seen things about “healing the inner child” and assumed it was for other people. I never felt neglected, they provided a physically safe home, and compared to some of the other families in my area, they were extremely supportive and helped me thrive. While I’m coming to find that some of my anxiety/depression came from my high-expectations parents, I’m also finding that a lot of my trauma has come from how I was treated differently in school (most likely because of undiagnosed ADHD). I wonder if there is anything psychology would have to say about a supportive parent/unsupportive school life affects our psychology?
I was molested by one of my family member when I was 8 – 12 years . At first,I didn’t realize that was molestation . But I always feel that was disgusting and hurt . I was 12, i realized I was molested and I told my family . But THEY TOLD ME TO SHUT MY MOUTH .It was just touching so that wasn’t serious .they said they don’t want me to ruin family image . They said they warn him not to molest me again . BUT GUESS WHAT ! He did that again ! He entered my room when my family members went to work . I was scared and ran away from my home . I can’t even wear my shoes and cried on the side of street .AFTER that case, they sent me to boarding school . My childhood is my nightmare, they said you need to dress properly, your breast is very big for your age etc.Now I am 28 and still can’t cure my truma . sorry for my bad english skill .
Im 13 turning 14 in afew months i was in 1st grade when I was sent to the hospital I didn’t know why and a doctor had to look at my private part because apparently I show signs that I was🍇I remember I stayed at the hospital till night when I came out of that room I remember my family’s faces it was some one from my family who did it I’m now out of that situation I hadn’t told my mom but I yelled at the person no I thank God for making that person stop
I. AM. A. PERFECTIONIST! I expect myself to never make mistakes. If I do make a mistake, I shame the hell out of myself. I expect myself to be happy 24/7. I get mad whenn I cry. I also shame myself for not communicating my feelings to somebody. I have developed some coping skills to deal with these things. Music is my most favorite coping skill to use. I also love meditation, yoga, playing an instrument, or singing. I also love being out in nature, swinging, and touching and feeling my favorite textures. I have quite the collection of coping skills. My comment would be SUPER long if I named them all.
This hits home, I’ve been in and out of mental health hospitals all of my life because of being abused as a child . I was molested and raped . I was kidnapped at 11 and had my virginity took. I got beaten everyday because I was kidnapped and raped, they said it was my fault, I was put in a care home at 12 for naughty children and it was the first place I ever felt safe. I’ve just lost my boyfriend of a heroine overdose so I decided to get clean and have been clean 2 years . But I feel a deep pain everyday in my hart . Very lonely 😔
With the eating disorder, i think I’m in the middle, i barely eat at home because of some trauma from another sibling eho cut my portions and didn’t tell me what to not eat so my brain wired itself to be scared when i try to go eat. When i do go try to look i look in the fridge then go back to my room and not end up eating. I still call myself a child sometimes but in reality im far grown, 19 year old. I have delayed mental age I can say that. I’m also still working on being independent and its difficult but im trying ❤🩹
I grew up witnessing my mother being abused. Even I was abused mentally and emotionally (sometimes physically). I have the last thing mentioned (insecure attachment). My main coping mechanism for risky or anxiety inducing things is to usually make jokes. I also developed anger issues due to childhood trauma. And it’s weird because i actually thought the abusive things was normal and that like it just happens and not a big deal and i still sort of think slightly like that because i don’t see the entirety of it. However, during the abuse when i was younger, my mother didn’t wanna leave my father. I think that over the years of being lied to by my parents (especially my mother since i’m closer to her) along with the childhood abuse, i have major trust issues and care how ppl view me unfortunately. About a couple months ago, I was diagnosed with depression..
Well,. Youngest of 6 siblings. Schizophrenic Mother & Then Elder sister who raised me. Trauma given by Eldest Brother(Mental,Verbal, Emotional, Physical,Economical)=>In conclusion he is a “Sociopathic Psychopath”, as well as 2 Elder Brothers. Father is Narcissistic with Violent History{Beating My Mother}. Life is going.
As a HUGE Naruto fan, seeing Naruto represented as a trauma victim was AWESOME! LOVE it! Also, DANG, that last Insecure Attachment style called me out! My mom is hot and cold, absolutely! I NEVER know what’s going to set her off, she just BOOM, explodes out of nowhere! X’P At first I thought I might be the second one, but then that third one came out, and WHOOSH! Stole that place! lol. (Bet Naruto has that one, too! At least partly, poor baby! ;A;)
Well, compared to the sexual abuse outside in my home. Living with my dysfunctional mom with a little easier. Fortunately I blocked everything out till I was twenty-five My God’s grace, I didn’t get involved anything weird It’s been 20 years. I’m still having difficulty. But at least now I can think about getting married It’s not as bad as before
My childhood trauma? Well because I was abused and bullied most of my life, I look at myself as a loser. I’ve forgiven those who’ve hurt me. At the same time, I feel small. Like a child stuck in a 37-year-old man’s body. Because I’ve survived. But haven’t won. So I have a desire, drive, and need to become one of the best martial artists and tactical experts out there.
I became the weapon of choice my father used against my mom, I was missing, took mom 2 yrs to find me. Never felt it had any affect on me. Bits n pieces of memories like a film or photos, are all I have of my father, I’ve forgiven him yrs ago, GOD has reasons for allowing things, if we had remained together as a family…. I know things would have ended m..u..c..h..worse. all that happened before I was even 5, so it’s in the past, stays there.How it affected how my brain, mind deals with stuff I don’t know, again I forgiven and left it behind yrs ago . God is my Father, Jesus is my bi brother now❤❤❤
I wanna address one thing People think anxious attachment style develops bcs parents were ignorant which is true but it can also occur in people whose parents were extremely loving, sweet BUT they didn’t give much time to you. They do show love and affection when they get time but they often stayed busy in work and didn’t give u much time. Just a little time. This was basically my childhood. I craved for my single mother’s attention and time all the time which i couldn’t get much. (Even tho i knew she loved me). As the years passed, i stopped expecting her time for me. Now I’m a person who is anxious in a relationship. It just built me that way
Yeah we’re all like 42, 39, and 74 and all of us found this wormhole that took us to 1995-1998 and we are living it right now. It’s amazing Quantum physics 4 idiots are living. We are in 1995 and everyone else in the world is doing 2023. I literally am playing CDs in a CD player right now and it’s nirvana. I’m not even lying
As someone who has been called a perfectionist (by a therapist lol), I wouldnt describe it as “its not perfect” more like, “Its not good enough…” It CANT ever be perfect because being a perfectionist means you need it to be “perfect” (“as good as it can possibly be”) but, for me and most ive asked, it may “seem” perfect but after looking at it again it looks wrong (Not perfect or “not as good as it can possibly be”) If youre anything like me, taking pictures of yourself is hard because you may think “hey that looks good” but you look at it again and it looks terrible. Or something dumb like posting on instagram, my posts are never good enough, something always looks off… The drawing i made, everyone will praise it but SOMETHING is wrong, *SOMETHING* looks …. off …. I cant place my finger on it, its like my bedroom it doesnt ever look like *mine*. because i cant make it perfect. idk thats just my take on it. its perfectionism as a so called perfectionist.
Wow: maybe this is why I don’t want children. Or maybe this is why I don’t go out too much….lol I have all symptoms that was described in this article: Every point was right. My eyes got bigger abd bigger with every point. I didn’t know I was this jacked up! Lol….Sheesh, I really need a therapist! Smh.
When I first started to watch vids related to CHILDHOOD TRAUMA I matched all the symptoms but they stated it like yk events that happened in your life and the fact that I did had bad relationship with mother I didn’t remember a thing from my childhood there is not a single memory related to my childhood as if I never had one but now you said that even you don’t remember things so I guess I’ll try to get more knowledge and get better thank you for this <33 💕🥰