The term “no personality” is not accurate as everyone has unique traits and interests. People with no personality are those who don’t bombard others with their preferences and thoughts, which can negatively affect their image. To assess social skills, one should identify why they feel like they have no personality, work on overcoming self-doubt, meditate and journal, stop comparing themselves to others, and set goals.
Over 60 people have experienced social anxiety or shyness, and even celebrities like Adele, Mel Robbins, and Jennifer Lawrence have experienced social anxiety in certain situations. Learning social skills can be difficult if someone wasn’t exposed to traditional group dynamics as a child or struggles with mental illnesses like anxiety. Psychologists aren’t trying to change someone else, but accepting and embracing one’s personality traits, strengths, and weaknesses is crucial.
Anger mismanagement is a common problem associated with a lack of social skills at any age, and adults are at greater risk if violence is used. Introverts might lack social skills if their social interactions are limited over a long period. Asociality refers to the lack of motivation to engage in social interaction or a preference for solitary activities.
Identifying the cause of social skill deficits can be challenging, as it can be due to personal or individual differences, negative past experiences, early childhood, Asperger’s, or other conditions. Poor social skills often lead to stress and loneliness, which can negatively affect physical and mental health.
📹 Why You Have No Personality
This is how I developed more of a personality. Self Mastery School – Meet ambitious people, develop unshakable confidence, …
Is it unhealthy to never socialize?
Loneliness is a significant health and mental health risk, according to a meta-analysis by Julianne Holt-Lunstad, PhD, a psychology and neuroscience professor at Brigham Young University. The lack of social connection can heighten health risks as much as smoking 15 cigarettes a day or having alcohol use disorder. Loneliness and social isolation are twice as harmful to physical and mental health as obesity. The risk of premature mortality is significantly increased by social isolation and loneliness.
To address this, campaigns and coalitions have been launched in Australia, Denmark, and the UK, involving research experts, nonprofit and government agencies, community groups, and skilled volunteers to raise awareness and address social isolation through evidence-based interventions and advocacy.
What do you call a person with no social skills?
Developmental psychologists use the terms nonsocial, unsocial, and social uninterest to describe the lack of motivation to engage in social interaction or a preference for solitary activities. Asociality is distinct from anti-social behavior and can be observed in introverts or those with various clinical conditions. Asociality is not necessarily seen as a negative trait by society, as it has been used to express dissent from prevailing ideas and is seen as desirable in several mystical and monastic traditions.
Introversion is the state of being concerned with and interested in one’s own mental life. Introverted individuals are considered the opposite of extraverts, who thrive in social settings. They may prefer being alone or interacting with smaller groups, preferring writing over speaking, having fewer but more fulfilling friendships, and needing time for reflection. Some popular writers have characterized introverts as people whose energy tends to expand through reflection and dwindle during interaction.
What happens to people with no social skills?
Social skills are not just about being social, but also about understanding and following social rules. People may struggle with conversation, appearing out of sync, or behave in a way that turns off others. These difficulties can make it difficult to fit in, form friendships, and work with others. People may avoid interacting and feel isolated. The reasons for social skills difficulties can be temporary or part of larger, lifelong challenges. However, there are ways to build social abilities to improve connections and interactions.
What are the disadvantages of not having social skills?
Lack of social skills can lead to various negative effects, including difficulty in forming and maintaining relationships, strained family dynamics, academic and professional challenges, and a significant impact on mental and emotional well-being. Individuals with no social skills may struggle with deeper connections, leading to feelings of isolation and loneliness. They may also struggle in academic settings, hindering academic performance and growth opportunities.
In the workplace, they may struggle to work effectively in teams, resolve conflicts, and build professional networks. Additionally, the absence of social skills can result in increased stress, anxiety, low self-esteem, and self-confidence, as they may feel inadequate or misunderstood in social interactions.
Why do I have zero social skills?
Lack of social skills can be attributed to various developmental factors, including early childhood experiences, genetic predispositions, environmental factors, learning disabilities, and neurodevelopmental disorders. Developmental factors include limited socialization opportunities, traumatic events, and genetic predispositions. Environmental factors include limited exposure to diverse social settings, isolation from peers, bullying, and social exclusion.
Learning disabilities or neurodevelopmental disorders, such as autism spectrum disorder or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, can also affect social interaction and communication abilities. Understanding these factors can help tailor interventions and support to address specific needs.
Is lack of social skills autism?
Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is a neurodevelopmental disorder characterized by deficits in social communication, behavior, interests, and activities. It affects individuals across communication, sensory processing, and social skills development. The prevalence of ASD has been increasing, highlighting the need for educators to support students with ASD. The CDC reports that around 1 in 36 children in the United States is diagnosed with ASD.
What personality disorder lacks social skills?
Avoidant personality disorder (AVPD) is a mental health condition characterized by chronic feelings of inadequacy and extreme sensitivity to criticism. It is often diagnosed after the age of 18, as personality evolves throughout child and adolescent development. Healthcare providers need evidence that these patterns of behavior are enduring and inflexible. AVPD is difficult to diagnose due to the fact that most people with it don’t think there’s a problem with their behavior or thinking. When they seek help, it’s often due to conditions like anxiety or depression from the disorder, such as isolation or a lack of friends.
What mental disorder has no social skills?
Schizoid personality disorder is a condition where a person shows minimal interest and ability to form relationships, often exhibiting a lack of emotion expression. This can lead to feelings of self-reflection and rejection, and may suggest a lack of concern for others or their surroundings. Although less common than other personality disorders, it is more common than schizophrenia. The cause of schizoid personality disorder is unknown, and some symptoms may be similar to autism spectrum disorders, avoidant personality disorder, and early symptoms of schizophrenia.
Talk therapy, or psychotherapy, can help improve relationships, but it is common to feel unsure about change. Medicines are primarily used to treat mental health conditions associated with schizoid personality disorder.
What does having no social skills look like?
Individuals lacking social skills often struggle with forming and maintaining friendships, forming and maintaining relationships, and expressing emotions effectively. This can lead to feelings of isolation, loneliness, and exclusion from social circles. In romantic relationships, they may struggle with communication, expressing emotions, and understanding partner needs, resulting in misunderstandings, conflicts, and difficulty building intimacy and trust.
Additionally, their lack of social skills can impact family dynamics, as they may struggle to navigate family gatherings, engage in activities, and understand expectations, causing tension and conflict within the family unit.
What is a lack of social skills a symptom of?
Social skills weaknesses in children and adolescents can be attributed to various factors, including ADHD, ASD, NVLD, and SCD. Environmental factors, past social challenges, anxiety, or depression can also contribute to these deficits. Addressing social skills deficits is crucial for improving social interactions. Social skills training can be an effective approach to enhance these skills. Social skills groups provide a supportive environment for children, tweens, and teens to learn and practice social skills alongside peers.
These groups aim to help children develop a more natural and confident approach to social interactions. Social skills are essential tools for building and maintaining meaningful relationships, navigating social situations with confidence, making good decisions, and communicating effectively. Mastering social interactions impacts academic success, behavior, family and social relationships, and participation in extracurricular activities.
What happens if you don’t socialize for a long time?
As people age, they often spend more time alone, making them more vulnerable to loneliness and social isolation, which can negatively impact their health and well-being. Studies show that loneliness and social isolation are associated with higher risks for health problems like heart disease, depression, and cognitive decline. In poor health, individuals are more likely to be socially isolated or feel lonely, which can lead to less healthy adults, longer hospital stays, more frequent readmissions, and earlier death compared to those with supportive social connections. The number of older adults aged 65 and older is growing, with many feeling socially isolated and regularly feeling lonely.
📹 Jordan Peterson – Advice for People Who Aren’t Social
A bit of advice for people lacking the necessarily social skills to make do with everyday life, provided by mister Peterson. Source: …
Being authentic and genuinely paying attention to when others talk will change your life… People can sense when they’re being listened to, and when you listen carefully, your words and conversations become so much more authentic. That’s when your personality will flourish. As always, great article, Cole.
Totally nailed it talking about how you have to take an interest you have and work on increasing your skills around that thing. Like when I play/make music. Learning music software is super frustrating. But my enjoyment in making my own music drives me to keep learning what I need to get better. That’s how passions are born
As a born introvert with social anxiety, within the past year I began going to social events more and getting into the motion of things. I learned to just go up and talk to people. Now I can say that I don’t shy away like I used to, and I can keep up with small talk pretty well. The problem I learned was that I would eventually run out of things to say after 15 mins. I lack passions, I’m not opinionated, and thus my personality is weak. I struggle to form proper relationships with people, and hope this article will help me out.
My “personality” revolved around my mother. It was always about impressing her, not making her mad, avoiding beatings, doing things that she could brag about to aunties etc. No sleepover, no parties, no hanging out, hell I didn’t have social connection outside classes, all because she wanted to “protect me.” One day I realized I had nothing to talk about other than school stuff and my mom. To all young ladies out there, pleeeaasseee let your future son have a life outside your supervision:(
I’m in such a gridlocked situation. I remember getting mocked or outright bullied for expressing passion about things (“Shut up, nobody cares!”), so I told myself to bottle up and talk about safe, external things only. That led to me not becoming passionate about anything and shying away from delving deep into interests. Now I struggle with self-consciousness and perfectionism because I imagine one awkward or off-color statement gets me labeled as The Weirdo and I DO NOT want to be The Weirdo. articles like this and intense therapy are helping melt the ice a bit but man am I in deep.
I always loved drawing cars but I kind of stopped drawing in my early 20’s because I didn’t think I was talented enough. It took me at least 10 years to get back to it, and thanks to instagram I have seen super talented guys and their drawings. I told myself that I could do the same or even better if I practiced a lot. Now 8 years and 200+ drawings later I teach people how I draw cars, and they pay for my knowledge. I finally see (at age 39) what I want to do every day.
i feel like personality is more about how you respond and interact in a conversation – I find that being as genuine and honest as possible in your responses and asking questions you are actually curious about lead to conversations where you can express your inner feelings better. I have been told by others that I am a quite a character, but I feel like only 20% of my conversations are about my passions.
Having a passion will strengthen your opinions on that which u like and having opinions will help express your personality. But having passion isn’t necessarily having a personality A personality is a bunch of reactions of a specific person. You can predict how someone reacts to things based on their personality. If someone is generally angry and reacts angrily,you may not want to joke around him. Some people are calm and that is their personality,they may not say anything but that’s how they chose to react Nonereaction is still reacting because you chose to say nothing rather than create more drama to whatever situation You can change someone’s personality by telling them to be more outgoing less reserved but I don’t believe in not having a personality at all. Being calm reserved and less outgoing is not a bad personality or a lack of it but it might become a weakness if you need to express yourself for a job or whatever. Telling people to change personality may be a double edge sword if they feel inadequate for being what they are,they might force unpleasant cringy interaction to try please others. I don’t believe in changing personality but just improving what’s already there,maybe you can interact to situations better while keeping your authenticity,having a better vocabulary and choosing the right wording can help express yourself better in more ways that suits you
You and I were the same in high school I wasn’t interesting at all and whenever I was with my friends they always knew a lot of people and I didn’t,I was always the guy that’s was just there and not noticed . I’m 23 and I’m still like this so I need to create my passion as well and work on my confidence to communicate with people more . Great article Cole
I think one of the biggest problems in the modern social construct is the negative associations with certain passions. For example being into Magic the Gathering makes you a dork, bodybuilding makes you egotistical, and playing the trumpet is weird. It’s difficult to wear you passion if 90% of people will make negative assumptions. I feel that the lack of positive reinforcement is the reason a lot of people quit. Support ur friends guys.
Man my interests have been a huge hindrance in life. While I enjoy reading literature, philosophy, history playing the guitar, going on hiking or cycling trips, my acquaintances are just into football and gambling. Throw in an occasional NETFLIX series, and that’s it. You’ve completed a circumference of their mental sphere, explored every inch of their intellectual territory. As Orwell observed almost a century ago, people tend to lose their individuality after the age of 30, and voluntarily submerge their noblest faculties into whatever fad seems to appeal to the herd at any given time period. Standing out like the proverbial injured thumb will admittedly get you attention, but not necessarily the kind that you crave.
Hey Cole Hastings, I’m 14 Years old And i’m from indonesia i just wanna tell you that. You’re changed my life, now i creating good habits, stop fitting in and stop caring what others thinking about me. Now i love doing what i love, like i apologized to my parents what i done to them and now i live harmony with them. Also i stop fit in and now i have 4 true friends, i walk in nature, enjoying view. I just wanna say thank you for changing for my life and sorry for bad english. Edit 26 june : i mean i stop try to fitting in if i dont fit, i fit people that if they want to fit me. And surround yourself who get you, dont forget the biggest happiness is having a deep connection relationship to others (friend,girlfriend,family)
I had pretty much no personality in high school either. Very much a fly on the wall kinda person. But when things would need someone to step in or volunteer, i’d always offer a hand. Cole, much like you, I had a cord hitting experience except mine was the girl telling me “You don’t matter. People like you never matter.” Man that set me off. But looking back, that was the best thing that happened. It was the push we all need but don’t like.
I truly needed this article after spending 4 semesters at uni, studying a topic I am not passionate about. My lacking passion affected my social skills and mental health, giving me deep feelings of inadequacy. I’m now opting out of uni, taking my power back, and I’m going to try finding new ways to spend time on stuff I actually love. Thanks for making this type of content.
For me I didn’t have much of a personality at first after high school (Fell into a depression for 3 years) till I decided to in my free time start writing stories just so I won’t be cooped up only playing articlegames and perusal anime. I wasn’t good at it at all but I felt a little spark about it and practiced it every so often. What sparked it in the beginning was my love for all the stories from American Cartoons (Avatar last air bender and samurai jack), Anime and manga (FMA:B, Afro Samurai, and berserk) and from articlegames (Legacy of Kain, The humorous and fun writing of the ratchet and clank series, Bioshock, Jack 2 and 3, etc…) and not to mention LOTR trilogy movie. It wasn’t me just loving them as is but the writing and world building in it that really put a smile on my face and made me go “Know what? maybe I should write something of my own.” and then bam I’ve been doing it ever since and practicing on my skills. It’s literally the one thing I do every time I get my breaks during hours work. I will literally talk for HOURS on end about writing and worldbuilding and referencing all the great stories I loved in my childhood as proof. Thing is I hated reading and writing during school and always had sub par grades on it (Getting C’s and D’s mostly) but coming back to it and learning on my own terms I’ve loved it so much.
This is insane,I’m a sophomore right now and I started perusal this article right before the bell rang for English class,You literally explained my life,I feel like I’m multiple different people and it’s so hard and awkward for me to connect with other people,there is a reason I found this article,hopefully it help because I feel like a ghost,we would literally have a group project and I would be the only one not doing it even if I try to talk to people it still doesn’t work,no one ever remembers me or wants to talk to me and am also really love playing article games. After fully perusal this article I feel like I’m not alone but it all still seams way to complicated and I still feel down like it’s not gonna work out for me,amazing content though your so lucky thanks for posting this.
The thing about storytelling is that when someone pressures me to come up with a story I don’t have one but I can tell one if it comes up naturally during conversation. It’s like when someone just straight up asks me a question I need time to think about it which is rare during conversation. I can type out a story easily because I have time to think but in the heat of the moment I don’t have time to think so I don’t have the right words right away. It’s why I’m not good at job interviews. But given the right context like someone telling me a story I can tell a story about when something similar happened to me. It’s just the guidance I need to keep the conversation going. Instead of relying on someone else to come up with a story off the top of their head maybe try to guide them with your own example. People expect too much of others to carry the conversation and just dismiss them as having “no personality” if they aren’t interesting right away. Perhaps it’s your fault, maybe you didn’t engage on their level to help guide them towards an interesting conversation to let their personality shine. Everyone has a personality, if someone seems like they don’t have one it’s because you don’t know them well enough.
I’m going through a rough breakup of 4.5 years and am searching for myself. I realize I have no personality and my hobbies/interests are basically perusal TV (especially since covid). I too am an introvert but will really keep these steps in mind to develop a passion and become a better storyteller.
Holy shit, that really means a lot. Choosing your passion made it all click for me. I’ve been stuck with my self help because I don’t have anything I’m dedicated towards. For the past 7 years or so I’ve been worried about my ability to choose what i want to do for life. But, what I realize now… is it’s all about just choosing something and running with it. Your brain will enjoy it on its own.
This resonates very well with my line of thinking and experiences. I have most likely often been seen as that boring person just blending in, but has no real interests and so on. When I was younger I thought I was just unlucky to not have found any real passion, like the self-help books and gurus speak of. Only in recent years I have begun to understand that “finding your passion” is not a passive process, where you suddenly realize “This is my passion”. You have to make a real effort yourself to to get better at things, try to see the beauty in things, try to see nuances. If you are just bored about life and everything, this is not the real world being boring, it is your perception of it and you can change that. Almost anything can become intersting if you give it a chance and actually try to experience it and the inner beauty of it. Use your curiosity to drive you forward. To be bored is often the same as not paying enough attention. This article felt really accurate and honest, so you have one more subscriber now 🙂
I was listening to this article at work with earphones and googled who Cole Hastings is. A lot of pictures of a guy without wearing a shirt were popping up. I quickly closed the tab. When I turned around, my colleagues were standing there starring at me in a judging way. 😀 Regardless, your advice is great.
I appreciate your articles, they are always helpful and insightful. I have been trying to slowly but surely improve myself and the fact that you give out actual things you can do to help achieve these things are monumentally helpful as other articles don’t actually go through the steps which might be the most important step towards actual improvement. I am 27 and I have felt I don’t have a personality, but how you broke it down as part having a interest in something you are passionate about and being a good story teller is something that never occurred to me, I just kept telling myself I am just not that personable. I have l anxiety and is difficult for me to approach someone with a subject that isn’t article games, illustration, or religion and even then I struggle trying to keep a conversation going about those topics as I feel like I have exhausted what the other person might found interesting about my interests. I make a friend and then after a few conversations I feel I have drained the well of topics that might come up organically without me bringing them up. I think the skill I am lacking is being a good story teller like you pointed out. I can’t seem to structure why I have my interests and why I enjoy them in appealing ways to others so that they can see why I love what I love. I will try to follow your recommendations and try to become a better storyteller and pay closer attention to conversations of people I deem good story tellers. Thanks Cole!
This is so true. I’ve never had much to talk about with others because I never really had any hobbies or interest that I felt I knew enough about to share or talk about. But when I would listen to others I found that I really enjoyed being around people who loved talking about their passions. (Not gloat) In HS from 2014-2018 I always found the people who would talk about themselves really interesting. If they were in Football, if they were into article games, if they were into partying, if they were into dancing, into cheerleading, into Student Council, into Parades or HOCO’s. I always wanted to listen and engage with them because they always had so much to say about their topic. Even now as an adult I listen and engage with those who PRACTICE their passions. If they know more than general knowledge about a topic they usually peek my interest, and we can sit and converse for hours. EDIT: Something I struggle with as someone who’s lost a lot of friends over the years is I become more closed off. I stopped sharing any of my interest with anyone. I had this deep insecurity that you probably would not want to hear me talk about MY interest for the next 30 mins. I had this coworker at a previous job. He was always surrounded by others, but he was a dick. One thing he had going for him was he did not care if you found the things he liked interesting or not. He was going to talk his head off about his passions, and you were going to listen. He would talk a lot about Football, Fantasy Football, DnD, WWE, Gym, and so much other crap.
This type of stuff pains me, like i do truly want to better myself, and someday i will utilize this advice after i have my current focuses down, but it seems like for so many things i need to put forward an extraordinary amount of time and effort to even approach how normal people are. It seems like I’m just so far behind so many others socially it just hurts.
about the passion thing, i partly disagree. Passion can be something you find, it depends on your underlying personality traits. If you are familiar with the big 5 personality traits, you know the trait openness is associated with creativity. And that creativity is often something you don’t control, as it generates its own ideas, and finding those ideas is a part of finding ones passion. But even then, when you find it you may not initially be that passionate about it, as i agree that passion is something you build over time. I discovered that through doing many different creative things, and even getting quite good at some, but always running into a wall because my head just wasn’t generating ideas which is crucial for creating new things, and putting so much time into a hobby which isn’t satisfying your creative need when you are a creative is soul-draining. So if you are creative, or just generally get a lot of ideas and have a tendency to daydream, try to listen to those ideas. It is a monster you can’t control. If you are less creative, I’m not sure. I can guess that as long as it interests you, you can develop some sort of passion for it.
There once was a boy from Austria who was very quiet and shy and so everyone thought he had no personality because he was very quiet and shy. But then one day someone told this Austrian boy “Don’t be shy. Tell the whole world how you feel! Hold nothing back” And the boy did just that. That boy’s name was Adolf Hitler. Now another story. There once was a boy from Austria who was very quiet and shy and so everyone thought he had no personality because he was very quiet and shy. But then one day someone asked the boy “Who are you? ” But the boy did not answer because he was very quiet and shy. So the person told the boy “Look I understand. I used to be shy and timid just like you. But you should tell the whole world how you feel. Hold nothing back!” So the boy said with a big happy smile “My name is Judah Jewberg. What’s your name?” Then the someone the boy was talking to replied coldly “Mein Name ist Adolf Hitler.”
This kind of articles often help me realize I’m not as bad as I think I am. My main hobby is playing articlegames, as I like to get invested both in the stories, gameplay and even lore at times. I feel like I’m at my best when I describe something game-related, be it a strategy or tip on how to approach a certain segment, or a particular set piece of lore. Part of the reason why I found the articles describing Necromorphs’ anatomy so interesting, for instance. And despite not doing it much (not unless I have nothing else to do), I also enjoy drawing, and perusal anime. I was able to speak to this girl I barely knew from highschool through a shared interested in Death Note and we talked about some drawings I made a couple of years ago. We still talk to this day, and she assured my I’m an amazing person. So I guess it’s not that I don’t have a personality, it’s just really well hidden as I don’t open myself to people that easily. I hope this helps anyone reading realizing they’re worth much more than you think! Enjoy your hobbies, whatever they may be 🙂
I live with my dad and have never made a joke or expressed myself around him. Any time I get excited or take more than a couple sentences to say something he shuts me down immediately. When I’m with my mom or sister I have no problems with my personality, but I feel like it is an automatic reflex to not even smile around my dad
Let me add a small thing about how finding passion takes time. In my earlier days of lifting, i started with 5kg dumbells and i could do 7 reps of 3 sets before my arms would give up. It was painful and wanted to quit. But i didn’t and continued on lifting. 2 days later, i was able to increase it to 10, and after two more days i did 15 . Nearly after a month, i made my way to 10kg and i was able to do 15 reps of 5 sets without getting tired. Each time my reps increased, so did my motivation. It does really increase when you see that you’re getting better at something, regardless of what it is. Everything can be your passion as long as you see your progress and enjoy it. What i’m trying to say is, don’t give up on something early. Give it a second chance.
If you think you need to “develop your personality,” just like any other self-improvement thing in life, make sure you’re doing it for you. Because YOU want to improve. When you try to “improve” purely for the sake of what you think other people perceive as better, you’ll only be creating a facade. Whether its working on lacking social skills, learning a new skill, finding a new hobby, starting to exercise, or just trying new things, do it for yourself first.
you have to select the people you want to be yourself around. showing passion or personality will often makes the bland and timid masses envious of you, which creates silent enemes. no one cares about you; they only care how they appear to others. the people that have the same friends for the longest amount of time; there is no conflict because bland personalities don’t get jealous of each other. To know who is a true friend, see if their eyes light up to news of your success, or if they become low key jealous.
Oh man this is too real for me. Very on point. Inability to tell stories has always been one of my biggest downfalls in terms of social interactions. I don’t know why I never tried developing the skill. I would usually chime in in conversations or just have simple back and forth, but barely ever spoke at length about things from my experiences. Growing up I just thought stories were basically describing a list of events to people and that’s it… I saw that others could add more zest and embellishment to it but I never bothered, or thought it was too tricky. I also had trouble getting the sequences of events about occurrences straight in my mind, in a way that’s easily presentable and makes sense to people. I would never know how much detail or context to give. Like sometimes I would give wayyy too many details that were totally unnecessary to people and made them bored or annoyed, or other times rushed through the story at a very birds-eye perspective without giving proper context or details, leaving people with a confused look on their face. Sometimes it would be some disjointed, incongruent mess that was a mix of both in the wrong way. I always chalked this all up to some kind of memory problem, anxiety, or disorder like ADHD or maybe even Asperger’s or something (although I’m self-diagnosing here). I never really bothered sitting down and writing stories about mundane things to practice working that “muscle” out. Definitely going to try these tips. Thanks!
Cole, I still remember the article when you first moved to Austin and asked the guy in the slackline group how to develop charisma. You obviously have done a lot of research since then! I’m proud of how far you’ve come as a creator. And about storytelling: there’s a reason why Drake just signed a massive deal with UMG. Love him or hate him, he’s one of the best storytellers in the game. And to be at his level takes a lot of personality and conviction in the words that are spoken.
Bro I literally had an experience like this, I was attending class one day and for some reason was feeling good and more talkative than usual, and I made a joke to one of my classmates and she responded “wow look who finally has a personality”. That was kind of an “oh shit” moment for me, because I realized that my shyness and lack of engagement was actually noticed by other people. I think a lot of introverts like myself tend to clam up and think that no one will notice us, but unfortunately people will still notice you but now they’ll think your shy and weird. There’s no “non-noticing” option, might as well just embrace it and be noticed for actually having a personality. Much better than being noticed for having NO personality.
I am a young man trying to improve myself. I am quite an introvert myself. I used to think it was a bad thing because my family judged me on it and i though I was missing out on a lot of opportunities. Well that isn’t true. Being an introvert helped me. When I’m on the inside, I see better. What I mean is I can now see how people judge me, and study me and the people that surround me. I’ve been going through a lot over the past couple of years although I am young. Mentally, Physically, Socially and Mentally. This website feels like my own therapist. I can comment whatever I want. Although I can be judged here, I feel like the maker and viewers can help me. Here I feel safe. Here I learn things that my old therapist and my parents have never taught me. The things my father taught me before he left ( again ) hurt me and some helped me. To be honest, I feel as if the Male figures I find on social media is very helpful. I’m starting to watch more of these articles and finding my cause on this earth. I’m starting to write in my journal more and finding more outlets for my emotions. Thank you, Cole. You are really helpful to me and you may be one of the causes why I choose to live and not give up, one of the causes why I find ME, lastly the causes I can improve. Although you may not see this, thanks again. Wish you nothing but blessings -Nathan
Yeah I remember when I was basically the quite kid in my school (primary and secondary). When I got into secondary the girls thought I looked better than the other guys I guess you could say, but if we talked I wouldn’t be able to do so much, unlike now where I have a lot of girls liking me. Now I can talk to basically everyone and love school and the everyday interactions. And having girls like me and having fun with every moments and being grateful motivates me to keep on getting better, so one day I’am not only the strong man I want to be, but I can have a beautiful girl (and amazing kid too).
great article. And the part about passion was super precise. People wait till they get struck by “passion lightning” without realizing, that it is super rare occurrence. Most passions for 95% of people – are developed through skills and professionalism. It is very rare that you get a passion just out of blue sky, just by looking once at something. And even if it looks fun – you have a long road to go, till you become competent enough to express that passion. Otherwise it is just stays on the level like “yeah, I observed it, seemed pretty cool, but no, i have no idea how it works” ..
this is the article i needed bro.l i’ve recently been super focused on school (highschool) and realized that the reason why I don’t know who I am is because I have no passions, nothing to make me interesting. I’m really glad that I live in a period of time where people online make articles like these for guidance. thx
Great article! This connected a lot of dots in life for me. I’ve never felt short on personality, but storytelling has been a weak point in my life. That contrast can sometimes leave me feeling like I’d be better off not even TRYING to tap into my identity. Storytelling is a universal skill that everybody should have if they want to deepen their ability to reflect, connect with people, and just breathe more excitement out into the world. Love it
Cole, I just stumbled upon your website and have found what you talk about all so informative and true to how I view the world. I’m currently struggling to improve my social skills and grow out of being a chronic introvert, and your articles have been incredibly inspiring. Thank you so much for doing what you do. 👊❤️
thank you for the storytelling advice man. I’ve always had issues communicating my experiences because I never actually learned how to tell a inticing story. I started a google doc where I’m going to write little mini stories about my day. I’ll definitely start reading more fiction too. Thank you for this article!
The message and help in some way for others is great. But I’d say finding your passion is still the answer. Just because you put in a bunch of time, thought, blood sweet and tears into anything you do, or into one thing you do. Or even into many different areas in life at separate times, it still won’t matter. Passion isn’t from what you make of it, it’s what you feel from the very start. It grows within you naturally. You don’t make passion. It makes you. It’s a feelings you can’t drive away no matter how hard you try to. It’s something that’ll push you to make decisions that will be questioned by others around you. It will eventually have you making a tough decision based on this passion. Passion is very similar to love. You don’t just work for something or work on someone to feel a seemingly endless pool of motivation and longing for it or them. It’ll come to you. Trust me, love and passion aren’t things we can create or begin knowingly. It’ll happen wether we want it to happen, or not. You do have to give it sometime to blossom. Give the feelings in you time to mature and for you to realize why your doing what your doing. Not to get a personality. But to follow your heart that will lead to your own happiness at the end of the road. Don’t try to control it, don’t believe it’ll be made whenever someone pleases or works hard for it. It will happen if it’s you, like stumbling upon that part of life that completes you. That fills your with a strong sense of purpose. That makes you feel more alive in this world of ours.
This is so true! A few years ago a friend of mine said something to me that will probably never leave my mind completely and that thing was: “There is nothing more beautiful than seeing your eyes light up when you talk about something you are really passionate about.” And I wholeheartedly agree. This is also why I am less and less worried about “boring” others with talk about my hobbies at work or when going out, etc. At least so far I’ve never had somebody react negatively when I gushed about drawing or 40K for instance. You worry they might but usually, at least in my case, this is all in your head.
I rarely hit the like button on articles and or comment. I just watch them and move on. But this article and another article about how to talk to people better and develop that skill IS LITERALLY DESCRIBING ME practically to a T!!!!!! It’s a little scary but I’m starting to find the solutions to my biggest problems in life right now. All thanks to you. I stumbled upon a damn near perfect article and with practice my social skill set will be great along with my very strong work ethic. My social awkwardness has got the best of me.
After playing Disco Elysium, a heavily text based game with intricate descriptions and paying close attention how the writers are conveying the story and the complicated feelings I’ve noticed I myself became a better story teller in my mother tongue and in english as well. If you like a style of writing and story telling, you can improve yourself to work that way as well but with your own personality. All in all, I agree with the message of this article.
If someone tells you, that you don’t have a personality, it just means you don’t have the personality, they like to see in you. They want you to be what they like you to be. Going their way, actually will destroy your personality. You are not anyone’s puppet. If you are boring, but feel ok with it, then be it. Nothing wrong with it.
I fucking love this, I started to think of self-improvement as a kinda stupid trend that ultimately led you to burn out, but that was because I went so deep into the hole of things like the red pill, incels and the manosphere as a whole that I automatically related it to those things and how bad I made myself feel when I was deep into them not so long ago. This is the real self-improvement, the one we need as a generation, free of things like masculinity and politics, just focusing on things that benefit us all like how to be better socially and how to develop a real passion. I will get myself into the boat again, this time I’ll do it the right way.
About the storytelling part, I’m personally also not somebody who talks a lot and I recognize every time that people overdramatic and expand the things that they experienced to the degree that there are many thing that actually didn’t happen. For me personally I could never do this, because I feel that this is lying and I wouldn’t feel good about it. Maybe it would be more interesting for the other persons to listen to those storys, but I would feel very bad If i did that. I also feel very weird, when someone is telling such a story, when I was with them in that moment, then I can’t add something to the conversation because I don’t want to expose or destroy the story. It’s a big problem for me :/
I had this realization in 7th grade when I changed schools. I didn’t have “no” personality but I wasn’t genuine enough and I cared too much what others thought of me. Finding a passion is great but I think not caring as much is key to being yourself, funny and confident. And, though counterintuitive, it helped me become more well-liked by people. Mind you, I’m pretty introverted, so that’s my advice.
Idk how anyone could not have passion about anything in the world. Maybe because I was born on 1997. But since I was a kid even tho I was super introverted and shy I was very interested in cars (being just 4 years I was able to distinguish all the car brands just by looking at them), was riding bicycles, all types of sports, making friends, movies, books, games etc etc. Young kids and people sit too much on social media and tiktoks that ruin their dopamine system so they are becoming lazy and not passionate about anything it feels like. And because I used to professionally swim, then went to basketball training next for two years and then to the gym I got more passionate than ever
I’m extremely passionate about boxing, tech, business, and sex. The problem is, I genuinely don’t care about others. I don’t know how to care, or how to show I care. My boss pointed out to me that I walk away from people mid conversation once I understand what is being said, I do not, and it feels as if I can not connect to others. My passions are for my own benefit, and there is no benefit for me in spending time on others. I am 26. I have had a very varied life. I just don’t see or hear people and think man, I wonder what they think or wow I wonder how they feel. It doesn’t matter to me. If someone has something I want I can put up the facade long enough and carry the conversation long enough to attain that goal, but if there is no gain for me, I never care. I am supposed to change this and work on this, but it doesn’t happen.
I’ve always loved art, animation, storyboarding, everything like that. I had a passion for bands people looked at me funny for listening to. I love so many things and real wolrd phenomena. But here I am in my senior year. I feel like whenever I’ve expressed my interests, I am rejected. It really hurts. And I’ve always tried to be my authentic self, but here I am. About to graduate with two friends, and who knows how long they’ll last. I am passionate about things, I love hearing other people talk. I love discovering what they love. I have.. only once met somebody who seemed to care about my passion in return. But maybe I’ve just been unlucky. It’s just hard, i’m venting… I wish I knew what more to do. Hopefully I will find my people in college. I genuinely care about my friends and have had a deep connection with every one of them. But after just two years or so it always seems to have been unreciprocated..
I feel that this article goes against what society has been teaching us recently, which is to accept ourselves and not to change ourselves for other people. In Cole’s case, he heard the people in his English class act surprised about learning he has passion for something. This seemed to be a class for a subject in which he was uninterested. As such, of course the people in the class would not see some explosion of passion from him until he linked this class project with things he was passionate about. But, once he heard that the people were surprised that he actually had passion for something, he then became suddenly aware that he had no personality…. This is incorrect, as we know that he had passion, just not for English. I suppose what I am getting at is that we should not treat a lack of passion as a problem. Society, in general, seems to say that we should only want to improve ourselves if we want to. I shouldn’t be changing myself so that people like me more. I should want to change myself so that I like myself more. I decided to lose weight, so that I would like how I look (to myself) and feel better, not so that other people would like me more. In that sense, I hope that people like me for who I am, not because I forced my style and personality to change, so that those people would like me. Self improvement is a good thing for sure, but I almost feel a little bad for the gentleman in the story who went through so much to practice and force this change in his own personality, just so he could impress this crush.
I killed my personality because every time I tried to enjoy, share or be happy about something, I was told that it was lame, bad or evil (part of that is my lowkey zealous grandma but also stuff like classmates) so I became as closed, boring and dead as possible so no one could tell me how the things I like are lame or bad. This depressed me but at least no one is judging the things I like anymore. I don’t even have stuff like profile pictures for messaging apps that are for my family or backgrounds for stuff like phone and my pc because I developed a fear for self expression and judgement.
This is so true! I have a great little tid bit about this. So when I moved in with my roommates, I noticed that they would obsess about the cleanliness in the kitchen. And me being a clean person, their expectations were crazy. They wanted everything SPOTLESS…as if no one even lived there. And they rarely ever cook… Months later I started noticing that they don’t really have any interests, passions, excitement. Just Tik tok and trashing other girls on Instagram. Okay whatever, not my problem. But since I do have passions, one of them started calling me weird and pretty rude about it. But then I thought back to the kitchen; they wanted it to look like no one lived there, spotless, and yet they never cook. It made me realize that they are the typical “paper people”. No personality, they want to IMITATE a personality, IMITATE a kitchen and apartment, but not actually LIVE it. They don’t truly FEEL joy or sadness…it’s strange!
The hero and the coward is one of my favorite quotes for this reason, “The hero and the coward both feel the same thing, but the hero uses his fear, projects it onto his opponent, while the coward runs. It’s the same thing, fear, but it’s what you do with it that matters.” It all comes down to what you do, and that’s your true character.
Since I was a young teen I always struggled with being labeled boring or quiet. I always struggled with having something to talk about with my peers. It wasn’t until years later that I realized that it was because my parents are the same way. They never took me out anywhere because all they did was work or sleep.
I have strong but very narrow interests, and I can talk a lot about them if people push the right buttons, but reaching that point is the tricky part. Talking to people is really hard for me, since I feel absolutely ZERO interest in the people around me, and I can’t fake that interest either. I just space out and nod until the other people stops talking… I guess that’s just who I am.
Thank you so much for making this article, I almost teared up at the end lol. Self Improvement has been something that I also have been working hard to get a part of and I always think that’s it’s better to try and fail and have progress than to actually not try at all. Life is short, make it unique and worthwhile in your way.🤘
As an aspiring Youtuber this article has been extremely helpful. I’ve noticed that some of my article ideas have good potential but I always seem to struggle with the execution and storytelling aspect. I’ll start practicing more so I can level up my game and hopefully start seeing better results in my future endeavours. Thanks again for making this article Cole!
It’s weird how i feel like i have no experience in life and no personality. I realized this yesterday.. now seeing this article give me hope that maybe if i put in some effort to be more energized and choose my passions i can develop my personality and be comfortable in who I am. So yeah thank you for making this article:)
ive always been a good talker, which is why all of my prestation in school when incredible well. but ive never had ” interest” that could be talked about in a convo. but i have depression, and find that exhausting my mind with stuff is a good way to keep occupied. and ive learned incredible many subjects, from psycology to nuclear everything. because of it i find it easier to talk to people, as i actually have something to talk about
back in elementary school (1 to 6th grade) i was the type of nerdy kid to annoy everyone because i thought it was funny and also tell the teacher on them too. But now i am in highschool and ever since i realized how my entire personality is annoying to everyone, I didnt use it anymore. Now i have forgotten how to exert human emotions and i feel like i am seeing everything in black and white. People dont find me interesting and the only time i can be a little bit more like a person is when i am with 1 or 2 of my friends. I have passions but my passions are just the same as everyone else, like articlegames, and some sports. But I will try to take some of these mentions in the article to consideration so… i guess good luck future me?
# ***Why You Have No Personality*** # The 2 Biggest Factors For Personality: 1. Developing and strengthening your passions 1. Make your passion, don’t look for it! – Put more time and effort into 1 or more skills to the point where you have a lot of knowledge in that thing, and you’re passionate about it – Start by doing one thing and doing it long enough to the point where you can really speak about that thing with a high energy output with your chest held high. – Be around people who bring out more of your personality, and be interested, not just interesting. 1. Becoming a better storyteller – Learning 1. Background context – relatability – tension – conflict 2. Start studying the world’s best speakers and storytellers: Comedians – How they talk – Body language – How they broke down their stories – Describe things in detail – Over exaggerating (Vivid characteristic) – Analogies, Examples 3. Becoming a better storyteller – Creating 1. Create a daily story diary and read fiction – Every day, pick one thing that stuck out – Write a short 200 story about it —> Flex storytelling muscle – Improve vocabulary – Get a better understanding of how words should flow ## Say it out loud! There will be worse and better times. Keep going. Practice makes perfect! Remember the work, time, and effort you put in when in times of nervousness. Good luck!
I agree with the first part, couldn’t disagree more with the second. How does being a good story teller constitute a personality? True, it’s something that people judge you by and usually makes you more interesting, but it distracts from building a personality imo. You don’t have any less of a personality if you can’t present your views in an interesting way, what matters is that you have views. Story telling is a vessel for your personality, nothing more.
please remember sometimes people don’t want to hear about what you care about, some people aren’t naturally curious either, people will typically give signs that they aren’t very interested in the conversation, learn them! it’s a great way to develop stronger professional relationships and, with a friend, develop clearer boundaries on where a friendship
I learned I loved running, because I loved Sonic Adventure 2 growing up, so I subconsciously ran around a lot… and my First track coach nicknamed me “Sonic Kane”, since I loved running around everywhere that caused my ability to run very fast… I got lucky with my P.T. Coach, instructor, and one of my fans to see despite my body was recovering from a D.U.I. car accident, where I pulled out of my best friend’s driveway (who happened to live on a busy street) I pulled out of her driveway, than I don’t remember anything post that… till I woke up in some hospital bed, and I impressed some doctors with my desire to right away run… again, so now fast forward to some what modern day, and I managed to prove to my P.T. Coach that I love to run about and proven my knowledge of how to heal wounds and I love P.K., well I had to learn how to heal myself faster because I used to run a lot, bike ride for miles, and re-taught them bout the importance of Endurance, run for miles, and my understanding on too build up running speed, helps… they needed someone to teach Running and since I proved to be very quick on my feet, and agelic. I did prove to him my desire was to find a way to teach people how to be agile, since I was young 😅
Im almost 40 and for many of you young people, you’ll think that’s old because I did at your age. But, man, my personality has changed a lot over the years and it really didn’t take in full shape til I was in my thirties. However, if it wasn’t for my twenties, I wouldn’t get to where I was in my thirties. Without going into details, I enjoyed my twenties. Best years of my life, but I wouldn’t ever want to return to them because of where I am now on an emotional level. If I could take my knowledge and experience and put it into my younger body, that would be cool!!! But, I have gained so much emotionally since my twenties and early thirties and it’s freeing.
My passion ARE article games, something everyone sees as wasting your life, despite me playing them far less than thinking up a story, music, gameplay etc. I understand your message, it’s just that I haven’t been delt a good hand in having an interesting passion, something I can’t change, just how someone doesn’t chose if they’re straight or gay
Cole, u said that you have build your passion, not find it. But u also mentioned how u liked the proccess of making articles. That means u found something you like and made it your passion. The phrase “find your passion” means that you have to find something you like and thats the hardest thing for me. Great article tho 😀
Definitely a fictional story. If you went back to the same girl days or weeks later and tried to retell the same story you would come across as so tryhard she would completely dry up lol. It would look as though you had nothing else to do other than think about that moment, and her, the entire time. Might even come across creepy or like an obsessed stalker. Also will look like you don’t have much to talk about. That opportunity passed, find something new.
You know why it’s hard for someone? What You’ve said it’s becoming an extrovert person, You said You’re going to expose yourself by interactions with people. It works, you’re right, but it’s not the case for everyone and it’s harder for some people to go out from this comfort zone, thoughts about your true self are coming back to head, thoughts like “Am I changing because I want to be like this or just because people would like me? Is it better? Maybe I had it in myself already and now I learned how to use my interaction skills?” To be honest I didn’t liked it in this “story”, this man(you xD) changed, ofc to be better version of himself, but was it really neccessery? Did he lose some part of him which was actually good? You said You are an introvert but based on the story it looks like You became comfortable in being with other people and I think it’s not really the case here, because for some people it may be really hard and they won’t change it even if they’re going to go to a pub everyday. But overall I liked the article, I’ll hit the like button ^^
I realized while perusal this my issue isnt that i have no personality its just that not everyone finds what i find interesting i have a few friends who are into the same things as me its just that a lot of times when im trying to meet new people i get called “boring” because i enjoy article games anime and technology aswell as space
how to find interests? My problem is that every time I find something interesting I will start off doing good and then at some random point for no reason I will stop improving and actually start to regress. I will legitimately become worse than when I started. Before I know it I will quit doing it because it becomes so depressing seeing how far I have fallen. Then I am left with nothing once again
Just to anyone who’s perusal this, if you think you’re boring you’re probably not. You’re just poor which excludes you from “interesting” things. If you want to have interesting inners rather than outers that’s an entirely different matter, but to make people find you “interesting” first you need adequate strength as in money.
I’ve learned that when a girl says you have no personality, it means you’re not playing her games enough. You can’t entertain her, so she complains about it. What she wants is to be treated bad like Chad treats her. She wants to be cheated on. She wants to feel like you are cheating every time you’re not around.
Ever since i stopped talking about games and movies, people lost interest in me. Nobody would just listen to what i have to say, yes i have great interest in physics and chemistry but nobody else want to listen and also since when i stopped sugarcoating my words with the mixture of lies like everyone else does when telling a story, they left.
i’ve found for myself that it is good enough to just find a short-term goal, in which i put all my energy into, it has really helped me reach higher levels of happiness. it doesn’t really matter what the goal is, because i’m sure that i will come out a better and more wise person on the other side. life starts when you realize that the lack of any reason in life gives you immense freedom over yourself
good article the article is now 1 year old and I think it hasn’t aged well you always have a personality it’s not something you train that it’s stronger we it’s something you can shape with life and evolution there are no bad qualities in my opinion because we have these characteristics to help us. We always see a personality as a whole like your article and the comments underneath. Even if I don’t agree 100% with you, I thank you for letting me see the article and read the comments underneath. because you have created room to grow.
Personality is how you express yourself – how you express your emotions and thoughts and how you connect with the people around you on those things. It’s not about having a passion. Having a passion can help make you interesting and really helps you talk to people and get them to talk to you – it’s a good way of bringing out the way you express yourself and giving them chance to do the same so basically acts as social lubricant.
personality is a tunnel way to people who are actually interested in you, it shouldn’t hide your true self, but it should show samples of yourself, this way you are easier to approach since not everyone has the patience to fully comprehend a person from top to bottom by looking at all of you at once.
not done with the article yet but the phrase ‘make your passion’ is big facts. i started working out because i had a lot of time and didn’t wanna just sit around, so i did a couple really short exercises with a couple rest days, and then i started genuinely becoming interested in it and switched to a more effective routine. same with article games, usually i have no passion during them, but once i start getting better, i throw myself into it and become super interested in each and every mechanic. i mainly clicked on this article because i now actually have something i want to talk to people about, which is a couple different hobbies i have rn, but i lack the second part of this article (named ‘storytelling’, but personally i feel like telling a story isn’t all that this entails. it involves engaging with people and understanding how to keep attention, not literally telling a full story). i feel like, as he said in the article, some people just know how to do this very easily, and for some like myself, it is very difficult to start learning about it. i would think that’s because learning how to interact with others comes with a big fear of rejection/exclusion, but it’s a necessary leap of faith to take if you want to understand how relationships/friendships work while you’re actually involved in one.
I would rephrase “become a good storyteller” to “become better at conversation” because that’s where you’ll be using your “storytelling” abilities most. People are also pointing out that they’ve been bullied for their passions and interests, but I think good conversation skills can mitigate that in the adult world. Unfortunately, kids will always be immature and cruel. Adults rarely “bully” you for having odd interests, but it’s best to know when it’s the right time to bring up and go into detail about your interests… which brings it back to conversation skills. Basic rule: Just don’t go into detail about your interests unless the other person shows interest back or asks you about it more. A very important skill in conversation is to know when to drop certain topics.
It takes two to have a boring conversation. Someone who’s truly not boring and has advanced social skills can make everything interesting, at the very least to himself. In this situation from the thumbnail where the girl thinks “he’s boring” the girl herself is boring as well, in most cases even more so. As a person you don’t own anyone being “interesting”, it’s not your job to entertain others. Not being boring is about expressing your personality without fear or anxiety, without worrying about being accepted by others. This is why many guys can be so fun with their friends but suddenly become “boring” with strangers or girls. They are afraid to mess up and try to interesting for others, instead of just having fun for their own pleasure.
I think my problem is I’m lazy when it comes to storytelling. Maybe it’s because of the superficial connections that I currently have and being misunderstood sometimes but I don’t talk and share my thoughts enough. I’m also an introvert so I spend a lot of time in my head thinking instead of talking. As far as passion goes, I’ve noticed I’ve become more jaded, maybe because much of my life is kinda mundane and boring.
I would also add that I feel there’s a difference between what I think of as “consumptive” interests and “productive” interests. For example, playing article games is indeed a valid interest, I myself love them, but if your interest in them is limited to just hedonistically consuming them, it’s not going to make you any more interesting. If then in turn you take up an interest in actual game development, design, or story writing, or art, it changes into a productive one. One where you’re way more actively engaged in it, and it will develop you as a person as you go.
This is so frustrating. If you’re defining personality as what one can do, my life makes no sense. I’m literally a polyglot, can play two instruments, can sing and draw realistic art – I’ve been able to do some of these since middle school – but nobody is interested in me and it’s been a continuous issue/trend in my life. I’m very unlikeable for some reason, people seem to avoid me and I keep looking for what is wrong but can never find the answer.
I find it’s also important to listen to the people who are expressing their passions when it is brought up in conversation rather than waiting for your turn to speak. When I started working my current job, my partner came up to me and asked me what my hobbies and interests were. Before I could even say anything, he interrupted me and showed me a fully rebuilt 1991 Camaro on his phone, slickest car I have ever seen. Yet, I was immediately disinterested in anything he had to say because of the level of disinterest and rudeness he displayed. First impressions truly matter.
I think our brains are one of the greatest data scientist we can ever get to know. Create historical data for it to analyze, then you’ll subconsciously be self correcting in your new actions. Basically, trial -> error -> data -> analyze -> reflection -> trial and so on. At some point you’ll get the success that you aim. However, it will not happen all of a sudden, every trial will result more or less error in a declining trend and the progress of development is endless. I am sure that even ricky gervais still makes practices for development on his story telling skill. It is good to make researches on scientific and personal knowledges but won’t make any impact until you try. Just keep practicing what you aim for.